Woman Meets Fellow Mom From Kid’s School, First Instinct Is To Berate Her For Being A “Scrounger” And “On Benefits”
Some people are world champions at putting their own feet in their mouths. They’ll do the whole gymnastic warm-up, begin running, jump, spin, twirl, pirouette, and successfully land, coming out with the worst possible take ever. If that wasn’t bad enough, they usually cap off the performance by doubling down on it, making it even better.
Today’s story is just like that. A mom met a new mom at her school who immediately proceeded to make rude, assumptive, and, cherry on top, classist remarks.
More info: Reddit
You’ve probably heard that you never get a second chance at a first impression; never has it been more true than today
Image credits: Educators .co.uk (not the actual photo)
The poster took it online to ask whether she’s a jerk for cussing out a mom new to the neighborhood for calling her a “scrounger”
Image credits: Ok_Chemistry9174
Image credits: Marco Verch Professional Photographer (not the actual photo)
When she told the new acquaintance that she’s a small business owner, she was called out as being “on benefits”
Image credits: Ok_Chemistry9174
After dropping the f-bomb and removing herself from the situation, she was conflicted that maybe she shouldn’t have gone so far
In today’s story, the original poster (OP), a 30 y.o. mom, had gone to pick up her daughter instead of her husband, as he was down and out with a sinus infection.
While she was there, she encountered a mom whose child was new to the school, waiting to pick her kid up as well. As she was getting acquainted, one of the first of the new mom’s lines was “so you’re on benefits,” after learning that OP was a small business owner.
In reality, OP is much more successful than working her old corporate job, but that was no matter for the new mom as she just doubled down.
The immediate situation ended with OP dropping the f-bomb and telling the mom to mind her own business.
She’s been wondering whether she did the right thing by telling the mom off and took to the internet for advice.
As several commenters mentioned, the entire situation is a pretty good example of classism. If you’re unfamiliar with the term, Class Action defines it as the “differential treatment based on social class or perceived social class.” It’s when dominant class groups oppress subordinated groups to their own advantage.
Classism may be perpetuated from the individual level to even the systemic or cultural levels, with a good example being the wealthy paying lower income taxes than the middle class and its neighbors. According to a Guardian article, the wealthiest Americans pay just 3.4% of income taxes, with 25 Americans earning a total $401 billion, but paying only $13.6 billion.
Thus, the rich get richer and the poor get poorer.
But as we can see from the story, classism isn’t exclusive to bouts between the super rich and poor.
Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
We cannot know what the offending woman’s ultimate goal was. But classism can exhibit itself in many, many ways. And the perceived advantages to the abuser are also many, from being able to discredit people as “lower class” instead of trying to understand how their status could be improved to simply being able to feel better about themselves in an “us vs. them” kind of way.
A common sentiment you may hear, especially in democratic countries, is that everyone has free will and has the ability to “pull themselves up by the bootstraps,” which is simply untrue. Across history and even currently it has been documented that people are sorted into classes and discriminated against on the basis of their race, gender, ethnicity, health, and many more, in a sense, tearing apart the claim that we live in meritocracies.
According to Stanford University, even America, “home of the free”, initially started out as the British ruling class’s way of ejecting the unwanted, idle, and poor. The narrative was idealized and romanticized only later, by the colonists themselves.
There are several things that you can do to tear down classism in your society, even if little by little. It starts daily, with appreciating the diversity and intersectionality of society and fighting for marginalized groups, educating yourself and others about their experiences.
You should be conscious and understand whether you police the language of others and strive to be more tolerant in your expression as well.
Finally, empower your own right to vote and vote for people who are not part of the 1%, people with plans to build up communities, rather than create more divide.
The original story collected nearly 12k upvotes and 1.6k comments, with the community judging that OP wasn’t a jerk. The comments were similarly horrified at how rude the mom’s comments were, all but forbidding OP from apologizing.
Share your thoughts and experiences below!
The community judged the poster not to be a jerkhole and told her how impossibly rude that new mom was
Image credits: Caleb Oquendo (not the actual photo)
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Some people are just too stupid to realize that the proper answer to someone saying they run their own business from home is something like “Oh I wish I could own a business AND not have to commute to an office!” or the short and sweet “Wow, that’s so cool!”, something g along those lines. You get the idea. You never assume anything, it really only makes as a*s out of you. Especially someone you just met a few seconds ago, ffs.
Yeah it's a hell of a leap from "I own my own business" to "you're on benefits". That's Olympic class mental gymnastics on that one.
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You don't owe her a GD thing, least of all an apology. The other moms (especially the one who stood up for you) need to block her out. Y'all don't need that toxicity in your lives.
Strange that the article is oriented towards America when this is clearly the UK.
Any commonwealth country. We mostly all have a benefits system, and use British spelling, and have an horrifically judgemental attitude towards anyone who receives a benefit. In my country the staff at the benefits place were recently exposed as having a "we are better than them" policy, plus mocking clients openly.
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Why is this even a question??? Ugh these AITA are so stupid. The OP 95% of the time KNOWS the other person is an a*****e they just want the validation of everyone on the internet saying so also.
I would consider apologizing for cursing. Something like "I'm sorry for using curse words last time we spoke. I should have found a polite way to tell you to go eff your classist judgemental self." Remain polite but firm that her being rude and judgy is unacceptable.
Eh, I’m a firm believer in the idea that adults who do stupid things deserve to be cussed out from time to time. If they wanna be offended over words, they could start with their own offensive statements. I would not apologize for my language at all
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I get it, some people abuse benefits. And most actually don't. I worked hard and paid tax despite my disabilities. The my health crashed so bad I've been put onto a Supported Living Benefit wherein I am not allowed to work any more. But I still get treated like scum, we all do. TLDR: What if she was on benefits? It wouldn't make it ok, but she would have no defense or recourse against this woman, and I'd bet people would be commenting that she deserved it for bludging 😡
NTA. If everyone had the confidence to stop this bs in the moment, it wouldn't happen so often. Well done for standing up for yourself. WHY apologize???? We don't have to invalidate our feelings and "Be Nice" just because we've been trained from infancy to not be a bother or make others feel uncomfortable.
My first thought was that she likes OP's husband and went middle- school mode in trying to humiliate her.
Return to school. Confront woman and ask "so, you don't have a job that is productive. You only pick up kids. What good are you?"
My question to the other woman: so you do nothing for a living but pick up your kid. Yes? That is a benefit woman
The world would be a far, far, better place if everyone just minded their own business and kept their prejudices to themselves.
Sounds like both suck; the one mom for being a rude prick, the other for being so sensitive as to lash out the way she did Remember, folks; a successful jewelry maker could very well be an Etsy artisan who makes a 50 dollar profit a month, so let's cool it with the congrats.
NTA. Most people who end up on benefits ("public assistance" here in the US) do so because of an unexpected calamity (divorce, widowhood, layoffs, illness). That doesn't necessarily make them layabouts or goldbricks. Sometimes they are unable to reenter the workforce, and have no choice but to accept government help. The entitled broad would do well to remember that most people are two to three paychecks away from living on the street. Her household is no exception.
Getting the shîiïte benefits you get in America should only be shameful for the lawmakers giving needy people peanuts, not for the needy people who are a victim of the capitalist society that has taken over the world. It's funny that some people think that POC should have to apologize for using resources. They were driven to those resources by the same sort of people who make the laws now. It's not shameful to not be born into generational wealth and trying not to tread water. Shame on all the people who say different. I hope they're the only ones who stay to watch America burn, because I want to jump ship ASAP
Cursing in a child-rich environment is a little out of line, but understandable when one's being called a liar. The simple response is, "If you don't believe me, then leave me be."
I'm wondering if this woman has relatives who "own their own business" which has made her jaded towards those who say similar.
Where does it read like that? I feel that you're confusing American racial politics with UK classism. There is some overlap in attitudes, but this sort of thing happens often and regardless of race.
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Some people are just too stupid to realize that the proper answer to someone saying they run their own business from home is something like “Oh I wish I could own a business AND not have to commute to an office!” or the short and sweet “Wow, that’s so cool!”, something g along those lines. You get the idea. You never assume anything, it really only makes as a*s out of you. Especially someone you just met a few seconds ago, ffs.
Yeah it's a hell of a leap from "I own my own business" to "you're on benefits". That's Olympic class mental gymnastics on that one.
Load More Replies... You don't owe her a GD thing, least of all an apology. The other moms (especially the one who stood up for you) need to block her out. Y'all don't need that toxicity in your lives.
Strange that the article is oriented towards America when this is clearly the UK.
Any commonwealth country. We mostly all have a benefits system, and use British spelling, and have an horrifically judgemental attitude towards anyone who receives a benefit. In my country the staff at the benefits place were recently exposed as having a "we are better than them" policy, plus mocking clients openly.
Load More Replies... Why is this even a question??? Ugh these AITA are so stupid. The OP 95% of the time KNOWS the other person is an a*****e they just want the validation of everyone on the internet saying so also.
I would consider apologizing for cursing. Something like "I'm sorry for using curse words last time we spoke. I should have found a polite way to tell you to go eff your classist judgemental self." Remain polite but firm that her being rude and judgy is unacceptable.
Eh, I’m a firm believer in the idea that adults who do stupid things deserve to be cussed out from time to time. If they wanna be offended over words, they could start with their own offensive statements. I would not apologize for my language at all
Load More Replies... I get it, some people abuse benefits. And most actually don't. I worked hard and paid tax despite my disabilities. The my health crashed so bad I've been put onto a Supported Living Benefit wherein I am not allowed to work any more. But I still get treated like scum, we all do. TLDR: What if she was on benefits? It wouldn't make it ok, but she would have no defense or recourse against this woman, and I'd bet people would be commenting that she deserved it for bludging 😡
NTA. If everyone had the confidence to stop this bs in the moment, it wouldn't happen so often. Well done for standing up for yourself. WHY apologize???? We don't have to invalidate our feelings and "Be Nice" just because we've been trained from infancy to not be a bother or make others feel uncomfortable.
My first thought was that she likes OP's husband and went middle- school mode in trying to humiliate her.
Return to school. Confront woman and ask "so, you don't have a job that is productive. You only pick up kids. What good are you?"
My question to the other woman: so you do nothing for a living but pick up your kid. Yes? That is a benefit woman
The world would be a far, far, better place if everyone just minded their own business and kept their prejudices to themselves.
Sounds like both suck; the one mom for being a rude prick, the other for being so sensitive as to lash out the way she did Remember, folks; a successful jewelry maker could very well be an Etsy artisan who makes a 50 dollar profit a month, so let's cool it with the congrats.
NTA. Most people who end up on benefits ("public assistance" here in the US) do so because of an unexpected calamity (divorce, widowhood, layoffs, illness). That doesn't necessarily make them layabouts or goldbricks. Sometimes they are unable to reenter the workforce, and have no choice but to accept government help. The entitled broad would do well to remember that most people are two to three paychecks away from living on the street. Her household is no exception.
Getting the shîiïte benefits you get in America should only be shameful for the lawmakers giving needy people peanuts, not for the needy people who are a victim of the capitalist society that has taken over the world. It's funny that some people think that POC should have to apologize for using resources. They were driven to those resources by the same sort of people who make the laws now. It's not shameful to not be born into generational wealth and trying not to tread water. Shame on all the people who say different. I hope they're the only ones who stay to watch America burn, because I want to jump ship ASAP
Cursing in a child-rich environment is a little out of line, but understandable when one's being called a liar. The simple response is, "If you don't believe me, then leave me be."
I'm wondering if this woman has relatives who "own their own business" which has made her jaded towards those who say similar.
Where does it read like that? I feel that you're confusing American racial politics with UK classism. There is some overlap in attitudes, but this sort of thing happens often and regardless of race.
Load More Replies...
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