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Going through a traumatic experience can scar a person for life. But some people tend to underestimate the terrible things others go through, especially if they haven’t experienced them themselves.
One netizen recently started a discussion on the topic, asking members of the ‘Ask Reddit’ community about situations that are more traumatic than many people realize. A number of redditors shared their thoughts and covered all sorts of situations that none of us are, unfortunately, immune to. You can find their answers on the list below.
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#1
Betrayal. You never realize how truly traumatizing that is until it happens to you. But it kills a part of you that you can’t get back.
Edit: I didn’t expect this to be the top comment. I’m so, so sorry to anyone that relates. You deserved better.
RELATED:
#3
Being laid off. After it happens once, you fear for the loss of your future jobs at all times.
#4
Parents that doubt/deny their child’s emotional experiences. It creates a narrative that you are a liar and cannot trust even your own reality.
#5
Being the target of a stalker. It's been 5 years since the last incident but I still feel fear every time I walk outside of my house.
#6
Medical gaslighting. I spent 15 years waiting for someone to figure out my neurological issues and I can't count the number of specialists and regular doctors who tried to tell me "it's all in my head" (well, duh, it's a neuro issue), refused treatment or diagnoses, that I must just have anxiety, etc. As it turns out I needed a double neurosurgery - with both done at the same time. It was brutal and I very much had some severe problems.
Medical trauma and PTSD is very common in those with chronic illnesses.
#7
Accidentally opening the front camera. u see yourself from an angle no human should ever witness 😂.
#8
Being in a toxic workplace. I would be reprimanded for the littlest of things, given attitude for asking a simple question or confirmation, even set up to seem like I messed up something when in reality I found evidence that that wasn’t the case. Even showed them this and all I got was a shrug.
That was 4 years ago. To this day in any place I work at, if I’m ever called to the office for something I immediately get nervous. It’s gotten better but there’s still that tiny bit of worry that’ll grip me in a chokehold sometimes.
#10
Mild sexual m*****tation. By which I mean a squeezed b*m, or someone grabbing your b**b over clothes, or brushing your c****h over clothes.
My oldest kid recently confided in us that she was groped by a distant family member several years ago. She was 9 years old.
Now a lot of stuff makes sense: her depression, self-harming, high anxiety and refusing to hug me or her dad anymore. If I ever see that guys again, I’ll k**l him.
(And before anyone asks, yes, she is in therapy and yes, we’ve been to the police, that’s currently in motion. We’re also outing him to the whole extended family and they can do with that what they will).
#11
Realizing your blood relatives are nothing more than individuals with similar genes. They do not automatically comprise a family and they can be more cruel than strangers because they know how to hurt you.
#12
Life after cancer. People expect you to just be able to bounce back to normal and “be happy” from hearing you are “cancer free.” in reality the fear of reoccurrence eats away at you forever.
#15
When parents are just there. They give you shelter and food, they are functional and seem okay, but they just arent really inveted in their child. Its growing up in complete emotional isolation.
#18
Reading the news and using social media (like Reddit) that heavily relies on sharing news and negative opinions, scenarios, photos etc. It's literally damaging our psyches, because we are not meant to be under constant bombardment of (mostly negative) information. My therapist told me that she is convinced that taking a few weeks, maybe even months off "being online" would vastly improve the mental health of most of her patients.
I listened to her and now I often take media breaks. Sometimes I just disappear for a weekend, sometimes for longer. The effect on my mental health is almost immediate and very noticeable.
#19
Being an outcast (socially). I read somewhere that the brain registers it as physical pain but don’t quote me on that.
#20
Heart break.
I think some people believe that it isn’t that big of a deal, and maybe in some cases it isn’t. But when you put your faith and trust into someone and they go cold and indifferent on you, when you’re trying to show up, that can destroy you.
#22
I think people don’t realize how powerful their words and actions are. Like you may think it’s fine to be rude and angry but that may stick with someone for a LONG time.
I remember being made fun of for dancing in 8th grade by a boy and a bunch of kids laughed at me and I still struggle with it.
#24
Growing up fat.
Constant discussion about your body, being put on diets, it being assumed you aren’t as good at sports. It’s basically ingrained in you that being fat is a character flaw and that you’re less than.
Also looking back on my childhood photos, I wasn’t fat. By any means. I’ve always been tall and bigger, but basically taking up space wasn’t ok I guess. Every doctor visit a comment, kids in school picked on me relentlessly, my mom had me on diets and restricted food nonstop while my skinny a*s brother could eat whatever he wanted. I wish I could hug 8 year old me.
#25
Your parents getting older. I was utterly unprepared the first time my mother became genuinely ill, or how fragile my father became during radiation treatment...the experience shakes your core and I strongly wish I'd prepared myself.
#26
An infestation of any kind in your home.
We had a bird mite infestation a few years ago and it nearly ruined our lives and relationships - emotionally and financially. Horror.
#28
Overprotective upbringings, many children live with deep rooted self limiting beliefs that impact their careers and lives.
#29
I think when it comes to bullying, even if the bullying itself "isn't that bad" what's awful is the constant dread it creates. It hardwires hypervigilance into the victim's brain, so they are feeling the effects and suffering long after it's gone.
Edit - I commented because I think it is hard for people who haven't gone through it to realize how damaging bullying is and I try to raise awareness where I can. The hypervigilance is hard for people to comprehend. I'm afraid I'm not doing a great job explaining it and I'm sorry about that.
Edit 2 - I can't reply to everyone so I am going to put some more information and resources here. I found out about CPTSD on reddit and found a lot of resources on that sub. This is kind of an a la carte menu of things to try if you are interested. I am an expert in nothing but my own experiences, so this should not be considered complete or appropriate for everyone.
Cognitive Behavior Therapy - "Feeling Good" Burns. CBT helped me with my self esteem and catastrophizing
EMDR therapy - you need a certified therapist for this. Helped reduce my triggers. I do use it to process things when I am in a bad spot still, but you are supposed to start with a therpist.
Pete Walker - CPTSD From Surviving to Thriving - I'm not exaggerating when I say this book saved my life. I adapted his emotional flashback management plan. Wrote it down on a dozen index cards. Practiced it when I didn't need it so I was able to use it better when I did. Kind of like a fire drill for my brain.
The one thing I disagree with Pete Walker on is handling the internal critic. Through Internal Family Systems I came to know all my parts, and I believe they formed to help me. I don't shout them down, like Pete recommends. If that works for someone, I am happy, whatever works. I got to know my parts and got them other jobs which they were happy to take. My self harm part became a self help part, suggesting things we could do for distraction when things get bad.
"Internal Family Systems Therapy" by Schwartz. I got the book from the library and basically started talking into the void. I have a whole community in my head who I talk to and address issues with. It's a little out there, but it works for me and it's the only thing that has ever helped with the hypervigilance. I have three guys in the control room and a whole team of forest ranger types out in the field. They are constantly checking and anticipating. My work with them mostly involves getting them to stand down and just do whatever they want, because most of the time I am in a safe environment now. They formed to protect me in childhood and never left their posts.
Whatever happened and wherever you are now, you deserve to feel okay. Just knowing that you are no longer powerless and can work on healing is a big step. I wish you all the best and hope everyone finds something to help them. Take care.
Edit - again - sorry - One more thing which was really the first thing. I'm not multitasking very successfully right now. I started with good old regular talk therapy and eventually group therapy. Having the therapist and the people in group (who really understood what I went through, and how it felt) tell me it was not okay and I didn't deserve it was cathartic and extremely helpful. It was an important step in the process.
Okay another edit - someone else recommended this book
It seems like our reading lists were very similar. Would also highly recommend "Healing the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors" by Janina Fisher. Her work is relatively new, but she takes IFS and makes it more effective for those who have higher levels of trauma.
#31
Physical abuse. I am so tired of seeing people debate whether or not it’s okay to hit your children when there’s literal psychological research and proof of why you should not and yet they insist.
#32
Losing a best friend.
Hurts just as much as a romantic partner. Even worse when you never quite connect with another friend like that and on social media seems like everyone has a "bestie" and the constant reminders.
#33
Watching my dog die and still hearing the sounds of him from the tragedy. I am sick all over again now that I wrote it.
#36
Head injures.
"Almost half of all homeless men studied by researchers from St. Michael's Hospital and the University of Toronto had suffered at least one traumatic brain injury in their life and 87 per cent of those injuries occurred before the men lost their homes." From: https://globalnews.ca/news/6245863/homeless-traumatic-brain-injury/
Yes - there is a connection that people living a hard life (D***s, drinking...) are more likely to have a TBI (Traumatic Brain Injury). But also, having a TBI makes it more likely someone will start drinking and/or doing d***s.
Basically having any time of head injury increases ones risks of LOTS of bad things that often lead to more bad things.
Edited to add. This just showed up on my Reddit main page:
https://www.reddit.com/r/science/comments/1jmjini/a_new_study_has_found_that_a_kid_who_has_suffered/
A new study has found that a kid who has suffered a concussion – even a mild one – is 15% less likely to go on to higher education in adulthood. It highlights the long-term impact of traumatic brain injury on learning, regardless of severity.
#37
Growing up in a household where your parents do not love one another, and fight constantly. It shapes how you will seek out romantic relationships in the future, because the fighting and toxicity seems normal to you. Affection and kindness will seem foreign to you. I remember seeing my dad kiss my mom’s head one time as a kid, and that was the only time I saw something like that. It was when my brother got a neck injury from a football game and we were in the hospital.
Staying together for the kids is not the best option. Stay together for the kids AND get therapy to try to mend your broken relationship. I feel like my parents could have easily worked out if they actually communicated their issues. I rarely would see them interact, the only time they really spoke to each other was to argue and fight.
#38
Being a first responder. Those people regularly see and hear things, awful things that most never experience.
#41
Forgeting/moving on from your trauma then suddenly ending up in positions where you are being reminded of your trauma/have to explain it.
#42
Jokingly mocking people. It can be fun with close friends once in a while. But I have this friend I’m distancing from and they literally tear me down every time we talk. They even talk bad about me to others. I’ve been burned like this before and can’t put myself though it again.
#44
Being a victim of bad childhood/teenage bullying and the mental effects it can have on a child later in life into adulthood.
People talk about the serous effects of child abuse by parents and domestic abuse and how it can negatively effect people's mental health in the future but people seem to gloss over or trivialize bullying which is abuse and has shown to have bad mental health effects on its victims. Some poor kids even take their own life because the mental effects are that bad.
I never hear or see people say "It Bulids character" to kids who are abused by their parents or wives abused by their husbands. But we tell kids/teenagers who are abused by bullies. As if their pain they go through isn't that bad or somehow it's justifiable and good for them. They have been stories where the bullies actually have m******d their victims... Don't understand how that "Bulids character".
#45
Lockdown drills in school. While labeled as drills, the “what-ifs” are constant. The drills with fake intruders actually trying to get in the room are the worst. And am I really expected to take a bullet for the kids?
#46
A simple car accident. Everyone I know that has been involved in one or even minorly hurt has PTSD behind the wheel to this day.
#49
Miscarriage. We were blissfully unaware that it was so common (1 in 4 pregnancies). The emotional rollercoaster, hormonal mess, heavy bleading is just the tip of it. And thats for an early miscarriage. It get worst as weeks go on. Its considered a miscarriage(and not a still birth) until 19 weeks. We went to our 12 week ultrasound to find out there was not only no heartbeat, but it had been dead for 6 weeks(from the size). I had to either wait a week for a procedure or take meds. I chose the meds, but nothing prepares you to feel your water break and push out the placenta at home in chunks over the course of multiple days. I was at my lowest mentally for months after. Depressed and definitly feeling ptsd in the first half of my viable pregnancies after.
#50
Growing up in the ghetto. I mean you never realize that it's traumatizing but I'd say that it probably is in terms of how it shapes your thoughts when you're older. For example, lot of people can't really relate to me and they just think I'm either an a*****e or a hard a*s. If you look at my comment history I'm sure you'll see that I'm a bit crass or abrasive but when I was growing up you had to keep it real, it was a matter of survival. There are no emotions shaping my opinions, rather it's just objectivity in the reality of the situation.
#51
Receiving notice to quit from your landlord, especially in the current market. It made me physically ill with the stress of it.
#52
Getting called out in a group chat for a message you meant to send privately. pure nightmare fuel 😫.
#53
Having a chronic or life altering medical issue. Before COVID, we were a two income household, capable of living a modest lower middle class life. We were well involved in our community, we were able to support our kiddos, and we were able to have a small savings. Now, my chronic health conditions have tanked our family. Because I require so much care my husband can't get consistent employment, we live so far below the poverty line it's not even funny. Once we realized how bad my condition was, we cashed out every bit of our 401k and pension and purchased land and a mobile home and prepaid our cars and land and home insurance. We live on around $500 a month along with about $1,000 of food stamps and I get Medicaid, which has consistently denied most of my medical bills for the last 3 months. Because I was a stay-at-home mom most of my life I am not eligible to file for Social Security disability income. I've realized in today's political environment I am considered a useless eater at 42 years old. I'm bringing my husband and my three children who are at home down. This is one of the heaviest burdens of my life.
#54
People's childhoods. It is an incredibly vulnerable time of your life and so much that happens is out of your control and does impact the type of person you become and how well you can cope with your teenage years to adulthood. I try not to blame my parents but sometimes I feel like I've been set up to fail.
#55
Seeing a loved ones dead body. It has negatively impacted me in a very serious way every time. Just seeing their jaw hanging open is f*****g haunting.
#56
Dealing with a perpetually dishonest person. Whether they are outright lies or lies by omission, it really f***s with your brain.
#57
Having an alcoholic parent, they don’t always beat you but they’re usually not around. Does damage either way. Shout out to the ACA’s (adult children of alcoholics).
#62
Getting out of prison (in America).
If you're not the kind of person who intends to make it a revolving door, getting out can break people. To follow on that, finding out everything you missed and seeing what really has happened to the people you loved as you piece that s**t together over the next few years.
#63
Juvenile detention
If you talk to any career criminal in Florida, their downward spiral usually starts with, or at least involves a stay at jit camp. Kids are put in an environment where authority figures are physical and sexually a*****e. They are introduced to prison gang politics and taught to respond to the slightest disrespect with extreme violence to avoid being punked.
To say they tend to come out bad would be an understatement. A lot of juvenile facilities basically trauma factories, warehousing kids who often have trauma in the first place, until they turn 21 and are sent to adult prison or set loose on the general public.
#64
1. Parent(s) who treat their kids like they are a nuisance and ignore/avoid/neglect them (don’t have kids if you don’t want to be a good parent)
2. Childhood sexual abuse and a*****t due to quality of parenting described above
3. Seeing America vote a rapist into office.
Explore more of these tags
What do you think ?
Little Bit 11 months ago
Having a narcissistic parent or partner. You will never be able to get anything right. You will spend your entire time walking on eggshells around them. They will make you doubt yourself. They will drive away your friends and family because they want to be the centre if your attentioncat all times. They won't be satisfied until they have destroyed your self confidence, self worth and made you a shadow of your former self.
Little Bit 11 months ago
Financial hardship. Anybody from any walk of life can fall on hard times through no fault of their own. Redundancy, divorce, illness, bereavement, unforeseen circumstances can happen in the blink of an eye. Making cutbacks, watching the pennies, doing without, making things last as long as possible, stretching every pound to its very limits are habits that are hard to break even when you manage to be in a better position financially. When you do reach better times you are reluctant to spend in case you run out of money again and are fearful of being plunged into hardship again.
Rai Serl 11 months ago
Possibly unpopular opinion, but for some people, in some situations... Religion. Being brought up in a super religious family or community, especially an authoritarian religion... Especially as you realize your views don't line up with the views of said religion, but you don't yet have the power to exercise free-will over your own religious practice... It can be extremely damaging, emotionally. Not all families in this scenario mean it to be, but some do use it as a form of intentional abuse, as well. Most are just trying to save their child's soul, but the way they go about it destroys it instead.
Little Bit 11 months ago
Having a narcissistic parent or partner. You will never be able to get anything right. You will spend your entire time walking on eggshells around them. They will make you doubt yourself. They will drive away your friends and family because they want to be the centre if your attentioncat all times. They won't be satisfied until they have destroyed your self confidence, self worth and made you a shadow of your former self.
Little Bit 11 months ago
Financial hardship. Anybody from any walk of life can fall on hard times through no fault of their own. Redundancy, divorce, illness, bereavement, unforeseen circumstances can happen in the blink of an eye. Making cutbacks, watching the pennies, doing without, making things last as long as possible, stretching every pound to its very limits are habits that are hard to break even when you manage to be in a better position financially. When you do reach better times you are reluctant to spend in case you run out of money again and are fearful of being plunged into hardship again.
Rai Serl 11 months ago
Possibly unpopular opinion, but for some people, in some situations... Religion. Being brought up in a super religious family or community, especially an authoritarian religion... Especially as you realize your views don't line up with the views of said religion, but you don't yet have the power to exercise free-will over your own religious practice... It can be extremely damaging, emotionally. Not all families in this scenario mean it to be, but some do use it as a form of intentional abuse, as well. Most are just trying to save their child's soul, but the way they go about it destroys it instead.
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