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![“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Child’s Daycare Teacher That My Child Won’t Finish Cleaning Up?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/mom-refusing-toddler-cleaning-toys-daycare-fb-png__700.jpg)
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“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Child’s Daycare Teacher That My Child Won’t Finish Cleaning Up?”
Living in a society, most situations include communicating and working with other people. That’s why, even when one is certain about their own understanding of the situation, one might find that looking for a compromise is a better solution for both sides.
Sometimes, however, there simply is no time for that, especially when you are raising a child. This seems to be one Redditor’s experience when she had an emergency and was forced to quickly pick up her child from daycare.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
This woman just needed to urgently pick up her toddler from daycare—however, it turned out to be challenging
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Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual image)
The child’s teacher insisted on the girl cleaning up her place first, even though she knew they were running late for the appointment
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Image credits: u/daycaremomissue
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Image credits: u/daycaremomissue
The teacher argued that the girl needs to learn responsibility
![“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Child’s Daycare Teacher That My Child Won’t Finish Cleaning Up?”](https://www.boredpanda.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2023/03/2-102.jpg "“[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Child’s Daycare Teacher That My Child Won’t Finish Cleaning Up?”")
Image credits: Ben Mack (not the actual image)
However, the mother was forced to say no to the teacher
We know just how important it is to maintain good relationships and respect for all the people who are involved in our daily life. A good relationship might be challenged when people disagree about their responsibility and the boundaries that come with it. This is often the case in situations that are urgent, unexpected, and first and foremost, different. Once something changes, the challenge is to apply the written and unwritten rules to new circumstances.
Both women, the teacher and the mother, were getting along. The mother found the teacher to be really nice. The teacher expected children to always clean up their place before leaving, so the woman would text the teacher before picking her daughter up so that the girl would be ready to leave once she came to pick her up.
However, this one time, the situation was different. The woman had car trouble and they were late for an appointment. The redditor explained, that she would normally wait for her daughter to clean her place, but this time she couldn’t. The mother was not willing to wait to pick her child up when she needed to, especially when the situation was urgent. The mother thought the teacher was not paying attention to them being late for the appointment and making it into a lesson of responsibility for her daughter at a very inappropriate time.
The teacher didn’t seem to agree that there might be exceptions to the rule on a child cleaning up their place before leaving. She thought the woman was undermining her authority and not teaching her daughter responsibility. The teacher referred to the rules, which she thought were supposed to stay fixed, while the mother said it was not in the contract.
Afterwards, the teacher messaged the woman accusing her of breaking the rules and undermining her authority
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Image credits: EKATERINA BOLOVTSOVA (not the actual image)
The mother found it ridiculous that she was given “a verbal warning” for picking up her child
D. W. Winnicott, in his book “The Child, the Family and The Outside World”, gives a comprehensive overview of early childhood education in kindergarten. He emphasizes the importance of a good relationship between the child’s mother and teacher for a child’s development. He notes that the kindergarten teacher is supposed to take over and continue some of the important roles of the mother.
Winnicott suggests that kindergarten should be treated as an extension of family life, rather than an introduction to primary school. It is because in early childhood, at the age of two to five or seven years old, children’s emotional age is constantly shifting. A child might often exhibit mature behavior; however, they still perceive the world more subjectively than objectively, and their behavior and perception might quickly shift in a more emotionally sensitive or challenging situation—for example, when a child is going to sleep or waking up.
Similarly, like the mother physically caring for a child gives them psychological support, the processes and activities in the kindergarten are not supposed to be only mechanical and non-personal, as a child would otherwise perceive it as hostility or, even worse, indifference. The kindergarten teacher’s main responsibility is to help the child’s development. They should do this by making the child’s relationship with their family stronger, while at the same time introducing the child to a broader circle of people and possibilities.
Winnicott emphasizes that an open and warm relationship between the kindergarten teacher and the child’s mother helps to gain the mother’s trust and reassure the child. The teacher’s potential and possibilities lie in their personal relationship with a child, the child’s mother, and the teacher’s group of kids. The teacher becomes a sensitive and gentle friend who is tolerant of possible inconsistencies and is able to help when there is a relevant problem. In contrast to the mother, the teacher has special education and knowledge, and therefore should be able to look at a child’s education with more objectivity.
The post got 19K upvotes and most of the commenters agreed that the Redditor was not being a jerk in this situation, noticing that it was an exceptional situation that she could not foresee and that is why the teacher could have been more understanding. However, some were concerned that the mother could lose her child’s spot in the daycare, as it is up to the teacher to set the rules there.
Most commenters on Reddit agreed that the teacher should have been more understanding, noticing it was an emergency
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What do you think ?
Haley Futch 2 years ago
Wow what a rabbit hole I just went down reading the post. With all of the context, a lot of people determined op is the AH. But op conveniently left out details. As a former day care teacher, op is definitely the a*****e
Marno C. 2 years ago
Soooo.... OP picks her kid up at random times, doesn't always call ahead, and is annoyed that her daughter isn't packed up and ready to go at the drop of a hat? At some point OP's next complaint is going to be, "Why doesn't my child clean up after herself? Why does she always expect me to do it?" Never mind that OP interferes with the training of that life skill and thought daycare teachers were actually maids.
Jeremy Crocker 2 years ago
On the other hand a few of the people that have experience working in daycare pointed out that the end of the day is for quiet time and things that can be picked up quickly like books. Sounds like both sides are at fault here.
Load More Replies...
Helena 2 years ago
If you have good people looking after your kid, with flexible pickup times and you can afford them, you can't afford to p**s them off. It is as simple as that.
Brad Edge 2 years ago
In my experience if have an early pick up time you still pay for the hours they are not there. To reserve a spot for your child you have to sign a contract with a minimum amount of hours per week or your child could be bumped for someone who needs full time care.
Load More Replies...
darqemm 2 years ago
There will always be times that there has to be an exception to a rule. But be nice to people.
Lauren S 2 years ago
This was my thought. To mend the relationship and reinforce the responsibilities daycare provider is striving for OP could arrive early one pick up (on a day they are flexible) and have her daughter do an extra “chore” since they missed the last one due to the circumstances. I think taking her daughter home that day without clean up was not a problem. Flexibility in life is needed. I’d say neither are the AH. When I need my kid to be ready I call or text (depending on if I’m driving) and my kid is coat on ready. Most of the time we can take a bit to clean up. If I’m in a rush without warning his after school care I will help him clean up. It takes 90 seconds. Is parental assistance prohibited at OP’s daycare? Idk, this all works for me. But I think keeping your kid in a consistent daycare is healthy for them as they form relationships with other kids and care providers. So figuring out how to make it work if your kid is thriving there would be good.
Load More Replies... 
robin hull 2 years ago
Oh the fun OP is going to have with this child when she hits her teen years....the entitled attitude is going to be learned and doubled by this child....way to go OP teaching your child that she can do whatever whenever. At the very least I hope OP apologized for her entitled bratty stuck up attitude toward the teacher, but seriously hope the teacher kicks her out so she can learn a live lesson don't be rude to people that fix your car, cook and serve your food or help raise your children!!!
Amanda Johnson 2 years ago
Exactly. The roles will be reversed soon: "I can't put my dirty dishes away after dinner because I told my friends I'd pick them up at 7." They are learning from their parent that personal responsibilities are only applicable if you have extra time to complete them, and they become someone else's responsibility if you don't.
Load More Replies...
John Anderson 2 years ago (edited)
OP, YTA. You're the problem. It's pretty easy to tell daycare, when you drop them off, you have to have you child by X-time that afternoon because of an appointment. Communication goes a long way. Reputable daycares can have a waiting list so being respectful to the one you have is always a good idea.
Linda H 2 years ago
In my opinion, OP is not TA. Childcare costs are expensive. We pay dearly for it. The OP texted ahead to have the 2yo ready. The OP pays for a safe clean area for her child. A 2yo is still a baby. She can skip a little bit of tidy up. Daycare worker needs to be more respectful of her patrons.
Chlyri 2 years ago
From what I gather, OP is inconsistent in timing, and didn't let the caretaker know of the urgency. The patron needs to be more respectful of policy.
Load More Replies... FePredaking 2 years ago
I'd say NAH. OP needed to be out on time, so they took their daughter out before they were finished, but the teacher didn't know there was an appointment, which OP really should have informed the teacher of earlier
marcelo D. 2 years ago
As it was said in a comment , the teacher also has no idea when the f**k the mother comes, because it’s flexible pick up. So she didn’t let them know and there was no way for the teacher to know, but the mother felt like her child is above the rules and decided others should be responsible to pick up for her… that sound like an AH to me
Load More Replies...
Mary Moreck 2 years ago
Glad I don't have a child. I'm not a rude person and I try to work with everyone. But a lot of these daycare responses are dripping with entitlement. I know ppl who use daycares they are outrageously expensive. Then parents are supposed to be treated with contempt AND kiss their a**es?!?!
Angelina Leal 2 years ago
Daycares, Preschools, and even regular school have entitlement dripping off them nowadays. My little brother's first grade school (his school switched) was very careless with certain s**t (such as letting children leave when they weren't supposed to) and in a few instances they put my little brother in a few positions he shouldn't have been in and were VERY careless about one specific incident that could've harmed him or made him extremely sick. Then they expected us to basically kiss their asses, to which we didn't. It's sucks and parents shouldn't really have to go through it just to insure their kids thrive.
Load More Replies...
Haley Futch 2 years ago
Wow what a rabbit hole I just went down reading the post. With all of the context, a lot of people determined op is the AH. But op conveniently left out details. As a former day care teacher, op is definitely the a*****e
Marno C. 2 years ago
Soooo.... OP picks her kid up at random times, doesn't always call ahead, and is annoyed that her daughter isn't packed up and ready to go at the drop of a hat? At some point OP's next complaint is going to be, "Why doesn't my child clean up after herself? Why does she always expect me to do it?" Never mind that OP interferes with the training of that life skill and thought daycare teachers were actually maids.
Jeremy Crocker 2 years ago
On the other hand a few of the people that have experience working in daycare pointed out that the end of the day is for quiet time and things that can be picked up quickly like books. Sounds like both sides are at fault here.
Load More Replies... Helena 2 years ago
If you have good people looking after your kid, with flexible pickup times and you can afford them, you can't afford to p**s them off. It is as simple as that.
Brad Edge 2 years ago
In my experience if have an early pick up time you still pay for the hours they are not there. To reserve a spot for your child you have to sign a contract with a minimum amount of hours per week or your child could be bumped for someone who needs full time care.
Load More Replies... darqemm 2 years ago
There will always be times that there has to be an exception to a rule. But be nice to people.
Lauren S 2 years ago
This was my thought. To mend the relationship and reinforce the responsibilities daycare provider is striving for OP could arrive early one pick up (on a day they are flexible) and have her daughter do an extra “chore” since they missed the last one due to the circumstances. I think taking her daughter home that day without clean up was not a problem. Flexibility in life is needed. I’d say neither are the AH. When I need my kid to be ready I call or text (depending on if I’m driving) and my kid is coat on ready. Most of the time we can take a bit to clean up. If I’m in a rush without warning his after school care I will help him clean up. It takes 90 seconds. Is parental assistance prohibited at OP’s daycare? Idk, this all works for me. But I think keeping your kid in a consistent daycare is healthy for them as they form relationships with other kids and care providers. So figuring out how to make it work if your kid is thriving there would be good.
Load More Replies... robin hull 2 years ago
Oh the fun OP is going to have with this child when she hits her teen years....the entitled attitude is going to be learned and doubled by this child....way to go OP teaching your child that she can do whatever whenever. At the very least I hope OP apologized for her entitled bratty stuck up attitude toward the teacher, but seriously hope the teacher kicks her out so she can learn a live lesson don't be rude to people that fix your car, cook and serve your food or help raise your children!!!
Amanda Johnson 2 years ago
Exactly. The roles will be reversed soon: "I can't put my dirty dishes away after dinner because I told my friends I'd pick them up at 7." They are learning from their parent that personal responsibilities are only applicable if you have extra time to complete them, and they become someone else's responsibility if you don't.
Load More Replies... John Anderson 2 years ago (edited)
OP, YTA. You're the problem. It's pretty easy to tell daycare, when you drop them off, you have to have you child by X-time that afternoon because of an appointment. Communication goes a long way. Reputable daycares can have a waiting list so being respectful to the one you have is always a good idea.
Linda H 2 years ago
In my opinion, OP is not TA. Childcare costs are expensive. We pay dearly for it. The OP texted ahead to have the 2yo ready. The OP pays for a safe clean area for her child. A 2yo is still a baby. She can skip a little bit of tidy up. Daycare worker needs to be more respectful of her patrons.
Chlyri 2 years ago
From what I gather, OP is inconsistent in timing, and didn't let the caretaker know of the urgency. The patron needs to be more respectful of policy.
Load More Replies... FePredaking 2 years ago
I'd say NAH. OP needed to be out on time, so they took their daughter out before they were finished, but the teacher didn't know there was an appointment, which OP really should have informed the teacher of earlier
marcelo D. 2 years ago
As it was said in a comment , the teacher also has no idea when the f**k the mother comes, because it’s flexible pick up. So she didn’t let them know and there was no way for the teacher to know, but the mother felt like her child is above the rules and decided others should be responsible to pick up for her… that sound like an AH to me
Load More Replies... Mary Moreck 2 years ago
Glad I don't have a child. I'm not a rude person and I try to work with everyone. But a lot of these daycare responses are dripping with entitlement. I know ppl who use daycares they are outrageously expensive. Then parents are supposed to be treated with contempt AND kiss their a**es?!?!
Angelina Leal 2 years ago
Daycares, Preschools, and even regular school have entitlement dripping off them nowadays. My little brother's first grade school (his school switched) was very careless with certain s**t (such as letting children leave when they weren't supposed to) and in a few instances they put my little brother in a few positions he shouldn't have been in and were VERY careless about one specific incident that could've harmed him or made him extremely sick. Then they expected us to basically kiss their asses, to which we didn't. It's sucks and parents shouldn't really have to go through it just to insure their kids thrive.
Load More Replies...
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