Woman Shares Her Delusional Parents Want Her To Have A C-Section So It Will Fit Their Plans
Being pregnant can be a magical but challenging time. The support your family and friends give you means a lot and can get you through some rough patches. On the flip side, if someone’s constantly criticizing or frightening you, it can make the entire process even more stressful than it already is.
Whether or not a woman has a cesarean birth is up to her after she’s taken medical advice into consideration. One woman, redditor u/Adventurous_Panic_9, recently went viral on r/entitledparents after venting about how her own mom is pressuring her to have a c-section to match her schedule. Read on for the full story. Bored Panda has reached out to the author via Reddit, and we’ll update the article as soon as we hear back from her.
It’s important to support moms-to-be during pregnancy. The last thing you want is to stress them out with criticism and scary thoughts
Image credits: BGStock72 (not the actual photo)
One mom vented online after sharing how her parents are trying to pressure her to have a c-section. Here’s her story, in full
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Adventurous_Panic_91
A newborn’s parents should not feel guilty about being cautious with visitors
Image credits: Jonathan Borba (not the actual photo)
The OP’s story shows just how fundamental the support of your loved ones can be. Especially during times like pregnancy. However, the post also reveals how a lack of support—and added stress—can lead to frustration and disappointment.
Unfortunately, it seems that the author’s parents do not seem to have much respect for her boundaries. For instance, the fact that they’re pushing her to have a c-section, to match their schedule, makes it seem like they may be placing their interests above hers.
Meanwhile, redditor u/Adventurous_Panic_9’s parents also seem to be insisting on seeing the baby even though they haven’t gotten consent yet. Newborns are actually very susceptible to germs and viruses because they haven’t yet had the time to develop their immune systems.
As Johns Hopkins Medicine points out, it is vital that parents take precautions to protect their baby’s health, and set boundaries for who visits their newborn and when. Of course, every family and situation is different, so no one single approach works. But a good rule of thumb is to limit the number of people who visit the baby.
“Consider having extended family and friends wait two to three months until your baby’s immune system is stronger to plan their visits.”
Anyone who’s visiting a newborn has to do their utmost to maintain good hygiene before coming into contact with them. That means washing your hands. That means removing any jewelry that you’ve got on. And that means refraining from putting your mouth full of germs anywhere near the baby’s face: that means no kisses.
Obviously, if you’re not feeling well, outright ill, or slightly iffy, you should not be in close contact with the baby. Meanwhile, if you want to be extra careful, you can wear a mask to reduce the number of germs you spread. It’s always better to err on the side of caution. You do not want the baby to fall ill because you just had to visit ASAP.
Nobody should be forced to have a c-section against their will, unless it’s a medical emergency
Image credits: Büşranur Aydın (not the actual photo)
Naturally, everyone’s excited to meet the newborn. So it can be a little bit awkward for the new parents to enforce some healthy boundaries and limit who visits them at the hospital or at home. However, it’s important to remember for everyone that it’s an exhausting and emotionally overwhelming time for the parents, so everyone should respect their wishes.
It’s best to establish some ground rules ahead of time. Talk about who will (not) be visiting the baby and when so that everyone’s on the same page. Surprise visitors, while nice and with (probably) good intentions, shouldn’t be barging in unannounced.
In the same vein, nobody should be telling any mom-to-be that they ‘must’ have a c-section… especially if their intent isn’t for the benefit of the mom, but for themselves.
C-sections and live (vaginal) births have their own pros and cons, and the choice falls to the mom herself after she’s consulted medical professionals about them in her particular case.
Vaginal birth, according to The Mother Baby Center, is less risky than a c-section, and has a shorter recovery time (2 to 6 weeks compared to 6 to 8 weeks after a caesarean). However, vaginal births can be more painful and take longer, but they offer a unique experience for the mom and her partner.
C-sections, meanwhile, are recommended for patients who have high-risk pregnancies. Moms who choose them tend to stay in the hospital longer. There’s also the risk of complications in later pregnancies. It’s always best to talk to your doctor to know what your options are and what’s best for you and your baby so that you’re not pressured by your family or friends.
Some of the readers gave the mom-to-be advice on what to do next
Meanwhile, here’s how other internet users reacted and the pregnancy stories they shared
Tip for expecting parents: Tell everyone a due date that is like 14 days after your actual due date. This way you can give birth in peace if you want to. Or tell people you are a bit early if you want them around for the birth.
As a retired doula, I completely agree. This is the way.
Load More Replies... What horrible parents this poor woman has, I think it has something to do with this day and age, more people are looked down on for having a family, and always told there doing it wrong when they are in the most vulnerable position of there whole entire lives.
I wish to God that people would stop treating someone else's pregnancy as some sort of public event. A pregnancy is a private matter between the (prospective) parents, so other family members should just take a back seat and offer encouragement when called upon and for the rest just let the parents get on with it.
Should my sons ever be expecting a child the question I will ask my DIL, "how would you like me to support you?" I want to have a relationship with my grandchild from the beginning and that starts with supporting the parents.
I am utterly sick of these demoralizing stories. I don't understand how relationships this awful go on for years, for generations, when we no longer accept abusive, controlling parenting as the norm even for adults. I think everybody ends up triggered by the trauma of these grim family stories. More happy stuff, please. More triumphs. More healthy relationships. I realize that you publish what people read, but maybe editors should be proactive in choosing health affirming tales not the worst.
A uterus IS a pod. A very painfully imperfect and inconvenient one. Let's 3D print the babies.
Load More Replies... Just wanted to add (because of some of the comments) you CAN have a c-section and successfully breastfeed even when you are on the pain meds. If you want to try, talk to your lead maternity carer rather than worry because something someone said on the internet.
This! I came to say the same thing. My first C-section was absolutely lovely (even though that does sound a bit weird!) and the bonding experience and breastfeeding was wonderful.
Load More Replies...
This behavior baffles me. I enjoy my time with my children and grandchildren too much to risk losing it just to have my own way (even if having my way was a big deal to me, and it isn't).
Awful parents. I moved abroad to get away from mine so I do sympathise. I had C-sections for both my two. You do you and choose what is best for you. I would just like to say in response to the person above saying that breastfeeding is more difficult because of pain meds after a C-section: I didn’t find this to be true. EBF‘d both of mine (except for the preemie who needed bulking up for a few weeks). Whatever you choose, all the very best for the birth and beyond. Make sure your partner or a good friend can be employed as a gatekeeper to give you the time you need to bond with your baby without all the fuss. Wishing you a wonderful time getting to know your child!
your parents are nuts. Don't cater to them one bit. You and the brand new life you are bringing into this world are far more important right now.
After having my own c-section, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It is major surgery and takes average 3x as long to recover compared to vaginal birth. I know people who had planned ones and recovered fast, but mine was emergency and it was so hard. This mom is terrible and I wouldn't be talking to her until well after the birth and recovery.
Gotta do boundaries now. When will Mum want to change baby's B-day party date, graduation date, give baby another name she likes, challenge you about any allergies or other things that may bother your child. The list is endless. Stomp on Mum's foot anytime she comes close to that boundary line. She is in a world of hers and hers alone. Good Luck with Baby!!!!
I feel bad that she has such awful parents, but I am glad she didn't ask if she was an @sshole for not wanting to get unnecessary major surgery. What's really disturbing is that the c-section suggestion isn't coming from a misguided but well-meaning place. Instead it's these parents demanding their daughter have major surgery for scheduling reasons. Not to mention them thinking someone prone to blood clots is up for a 10 hour drive. Definitely enforce boundaries. Also, if her dad is in and out of medical facilities, it might be better for them to wait and visit after the baby has developed an immune system.
You do NOT want a C-section unless it's necessary. When my sister was having her first, she was in labor 18 hours, she never dilated past a 3, and when the fetus' heart rate started to quickly drop, her Dr decided to do a C-section. Her second pregnancy she was only 7 months along when her placenta separated and her Dr had to do an emergency C-section. Luckily for her, she was at the hospital when it happened, or else she would have lost the baby. No worries though, he grew up to be a big strapping Marine and has three kids of his own!
"I feel like they've made the birth of my little girl all about them." BINGO! 🎯 That's it EXACTLY.
I would cut off contact with them. They are so bad now, it will only get worse when you'll have a child. Critisizing everything and guilt tripping. She sounds like a narcissist. I have experience with that, its a hard road. Good luck whatever you choose to do and enjoy your baby!
Mother of 2 here, experienced 2 different births.. at 2 different times, one pre-covid (2018), and one post-covid (2022)First birth was with everyone around... MIL came in unexpected (not unwanted, but I did feel uncomfortable). The second birth was with only my husband and medical staff, I preferred the second one. the birth of a baby has to be something between the parents, the midwife, and/or the Doula and in my opinion, it has to be set like that by law... feel free to vote me down, but keep in mind it's only my opinion
If I'd had a baby, my mom and dad would have done handstands on the windowsill if they'd thought it would help. I hope you can find more loving support. Maybe a doula could be helpful? Best wishes for a healthy birth andhealthy baby.
Years ago, a friend of mine opted for a C-section so that she and her husband could take a vacation at a certain time. The little boy ended up with developmental delays. For example, he didn't start walking until almost two years old. He had to take a lot of physical therapy to strengthen his limbs.
Regarding C sections; remember, Calpurnia died when Julius Caesar was cut from her womb.
I can't even get to the C-section. "They want us to travel to see them for Christmas, but my doctor has repeatedly told me not to do this as I'll be prone to blood clots. Despite this they continue to pester my partner and I about this." I have to ask. Are these people your real parents? No, not adopted, but did you make them 'honorary parents' as an adult? I'm not kidding. A blood clot, means, no baby, no daughter, NO YOU! WTF is wrong with these two people. I'm so sorry. They are horrible. They are casually demanding you put your life and your unborn child's life in danger. There is no excuse, no reason, and I hope your support group of partner, friends are enough for you. These people should have zero to do with you and your life. They clearly do not care if you live or die. They are also too stupid to be left alone with a child. Are my words harsh? Not as harsh as expecting your daughter to risk her life unnecessarily. Congratulations on your new baby!
Tip for expecting parents: Tell everyone a due date that is like 14 days after your actual due date. This way you can give birth in peace if you want to. Or tell people you are a bit early if you want them around for the birth.
As a retired doula, I completely agree. This is the way.
Load More Replies... What horrible parents this poor woman has, I think it has something to do with this day and age, more people are looked down on for having a family, and always told there doing it wrong when they are in the most vulnerable position of there whole entire lives.
I wish to God that people would stop treating someone else's pregnancy as some sort of public event. A pregnancy is a private matter between the (prospective) parents, so other family members should just take a back seat and offer encouragement when called upon and for the rest just let the parents get on with it.
Should my sons ever be expecting a child the question I will ask my DIL, "how would you like me to support you?" I want to have a relationship with my grandchild from the beginning and that starts with supporting the parents.
I am utterly sick of these demoralizing stories. I don't understand how relationships this awful go on for years, for generations, when we no longer accept abusive, controlling parenting as the norm even for adults. I think everybody ends up triggered by the trauma of these grim family stories. More happy stuff, please. More triumphs. More healthy relationships. I realize that you publish what people read, but maybe editors should be proactive in choosing health affirming tales not the worst.
A uterus IS a pod. A very painfully imperfect and inconvenient one. Let's 3D print the babies.
Load More Replies... Just wanted to add (because of some of the comments) you CAN have a c-section and successfully breastfeed even when you are on the pain meds. If you want to try, talk to your lead maternity carer rather than worry because something someone said on the internet.
This! I came to say the same thing. My first C-section was absolutely lovely (even though that does sound a bit weird!) and the bonding experience and breastfeeding was wonderful.
Load More Replies... This behavior baffles me. I enjoy my time with my children and grandchildren too much to risk losing it just to have my own way (even if having my way was a big deal to me, and it isn't).
Awful parents. I moved abroad to get away from mine so I do sympathise. I had C-sections for both my two. You do you and choose what is best for you. I would just like to say in response to the person above saying that breastfeeding is more difficult because of pain meds after a C-section: I didn’t find this to be true. EBF‘d both of mine (except for the preemie who needed bulking up for a few weeks). Whatever you choose, all the very best for the birth and beyond. Make sure your partner or a good friend can be employed as a gatekeeper to give you the time you need to bond with your baby without all the fuss. Wishing you a wonderful time getting to know your child!
your parents are nuts. Don't cater to them one bit. You and the brand new life you are bringing into this world are far more important right now.
After having my own c-section, I wouldn't wish it on anyone. It is major surgery and takes average 3x as long to recover compared to vaginal birth. I know people who had planned ones and recovered fast, but mine was emergency and it was so hard. This mom is terrible and I wouldn't be talking to her until well after the birth and recovery.
Gotta do boundaries now. When will Mum want to change baby's B-day party date, graduation date, give baby another name she likes, challenge you about any allergies or other things that may bother your child. The list is endless. Stomp on Mum's foot anytime she comes close to that boundary line. She is in a world of hers and hers alone. Good Luck with Baby!!!!
I feel bad that she has such awful parents, but I am glad she didn't ask if she was an @sshole for not wanting to get unnecessary major surgery. What's really disturbing is that the c-section suggestion isn't coming from a misguided but well-meaning place. Instead it's these parents demanding their daughter have major surgery for scheduling reasons. Not to mention them thinking someone prone to blood clots is up for a 10 hour drive. Definitely enforce boundaries. Also, if her dad is in and out of medical facilities, it might be better for them to wait and visit after the baby has developed an immune system.
You do NOT want a C-section unless it's necessary. When my sister was having her first, she was in labor 18 hours, she never dilated past a 3, and when the fetus' heart rate started to quickly drop, her Dr decided to do a C-section. Her second pregnancy she was only 7 months along when her placenta separated and her Dr had to do an emergency C-section. Luckily for her, she was at the hospital when it happened, or else she would have lost the baby. No worries though, he grew up to be a big strapping Marine and has three kids of his own!
"I feel like they've made the birth of my little girl all about them." BINGO! 🎯 That's it EXACTLY.
I would cut off contact with them. They are so bad now, it will only get worse when you'll have a child. Critisizing everything and guilt tripping. She sounds like a narcissist. I have experience with that, its a hard road. Good luck whatever you choose to do and enjoy your baby!
Mother of 2 here, experienced 2 different births.. at 2 different times, one pre-covid (2018), and one post-covid (2022)First birth was with everyone around... MIL came in unexpected (not unwanted, but I did feel uncomfortable). The second birth was with only my husband and medical staff, I preferred the second one. the birth of a baby has to be something between the parents, the midwife, and/or the Doula and in my opinion, it has to be set like that by law... feel free to vote me down, but keep in mind it's only my opinion
If I'd had a baby, my mom and dad would have done handstands on the windowsill if they'd thought it would help. I hope you can find more loving support. Maybe a doula could be helpful? Best wishes for a healthy birth andhealthy baby.
Years ago, a friend of mine opted for a C-section so that she and her husband could take a vacation at a certain time. The little boy ended up with developmental delays. For example, he didn't start walking until almost two years old. He had to take a lot of physical therapy to strengthen his limbs.
Regarding C sections; remember, Calpurnia died when Julius Caesar was cut from her womb.
I can't even get to the C-section. "They want us to travel to see them for Christmas, but my doctor has repeatedly told me not to do this as I'll be prone to blood clots. Despite this they continue to pester my partner and I about this." I have to ask. Are these people your real parents? No, not adopted, but did you make them 'honorary parents' as an adult? I'm not kidding. A blood clot, means, no baby, no daughter, NO YOU! WTF is wrong with these two people. I'm so sorry. They are horrible. They are casually demanding you put your life and your unborn child's life in danger. There is no excuse, no reason, and I hope your support group of partner, friends are enough for you. These people should have zero to do with you and your life. They clearly do not care if you live or die. They are also too stupid to be left alone with a child. Are my words harsh? Not as harsh as expecting your daughter to risk her life unnecessarily. Congratulations on your new baby!
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