Triplets Want Individual “Sweet 16s”, Tell Mom To Get An Extra Job If She Can’t Afford It
Interview With Expert
Being a single parent means juggling multiple roles, from provider to nurturer, and while mother and Reddit user Perfect_Phone9777 has been raising not one, but three kids, she’s been providing them everything they need.
However, when the girls, who are triplets, approached their 16th birthday, they wanted to do something special, individually. The mom broke down the numbers and their needs amounted to $4,000 — a sum she just didn’t have.
After the family failed to find a compromise, the woman made a post on the ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ subreddit, explaining the situation and asking its members to share their take on it.
For many, a sweet sixteen is not just a birthday party, it’s also a coming-of-age celebration
Image credits: Gabe Pierce (not the actual photo)
But this parent just couldn’t pay for what her triplet daughters wanted
Image credits: Liza Pooor (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Perfect_Phone9777
Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum says that parents and carers need to manage children’s expectations during their birthdays and focus on experiences
Image credits: Honest Mum
In order to find out more about throwing kids birthday parties, we got in touch with our parenting expert Vicki Broadbent. The mom of three is a multi-award-winning TV director and broadcaster, as well as the founder of the acclaimed family blog Honest Mum.
“Managing children’s expectations and focusing on experiences during their birthday has become increasingly harder due to social media and peer pressure, but you must follow what is right financially for you as a family,” Broadbent, who can also be found on Instagram as @honestmum, told Bored Panda.
“[In our household], we always prioritized more intimate celebrations when our children were younger, so family and close friends were invited to birthday gatherings at home where the focal point was more on celebrating the day with homecooked food and games, rather than lavish celebrations and hundreds of gifts.”
Broadbent, the author of Mumboss (UK) and The Working Mom (US and Canada), still fondly remembers her own mom making her birthday parties special when she was little, baking a cake and putting on a wonderful feast for her and her friends in their home. “Children remember feelings over gifts, which are quickly forgotten. I think reinforcing your own values to your children from an early age is key. Of course, saving up and having bigger parties is lovely if they can be afforded too, but they shouldn’t cause financial strain or be expected as the norm.”
The girls need to take into account that every dollar matters when you’re on a tight budget
The fact that the author of the post can put away over a thousand bucks for her kids’ birthday is quite remarkable.
Research by LendingTree shows that raising a child from birth to age 18 now costs Americans an average of $237,482. And as with other major household spending categories, like health care and college, the tab for bringing up kids is surging — the average annual cost of child-rearing stood at $21,681 in 2021, up almost 20% from 2016.
Those figures encompass only what researchers described as the “bare bones,” including money for food, housing, child care, apparel, transportation, and health insurance, as well as the impact of tax benefits such as the Child Tax Credit.
They don’t include enrichment activities such as sports, after-school classes, and the like, let alone the soaring cost of attending college, which could single-handedly double the total sum, depending on where someone lives and what type of school their child attends.
While the teens continue to expect lavish birthday parties, they probably aren’t aware of just how scrupulous their mom needs to be in today’s economy.
“Most people’s financial margin for error is pretty tiny, and a few hundred dollars here and there can be really significant when you are on a tight budget,” Matt Schulz, LendingTree chief credit analyst, told CBS MoneyWatch.
Birthday parties can therefore be used as a teaching opportunity. “Giving teens or even tweens a budget for the occasion is brilliant,” Vicki Broadbent of Honest Mum said. “It’s teaching children financial literacy and organizational skills as well as demonstrating that you trust them to manage a budget. A joint effort works too. The amount of responsibility is determined by the individual child’s maturity and ability.”
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
As her story went viral, the mother provided more information in the comments
Where people expressed their support for her
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No one mentions the father, who left the mother in reduced financial circumstances, in any of the comments. Evidently daddy makes bank, because OP mentioned they were well off before he left them, then daddy can f*****g well cough up the money for the three extravagant parties. Then again, since he didn’t really get mentioned, except fir the leaving part, I suspect he’s an unreliable deadbeat dad that OP has to fight tooth and nail just to get the court ordered child support he’s supposed to pay.
I wondered about the dad, too, but it really doesn't feel like there is enough info here to call him a "deadbeat," or even assume he's wealthy. Everyone who goes from dual income to single is suddenly in reduced financial circumstances. Not saying you're right or wrong, but it feels excessive to villify someone who was barely mentioned in the post.
Load More Replies...
My bestie is a twin. She's just had a first birthday without her sister, who died last year. She would give everything just to have had her sister there. This story just *hurts*
On the flip side (not to be a d1ck), but there is an article on here about some kid who is still being forced to celebrate their stillborn twin in his teen and the damage it's doing. How old is your bestie? did they always celebrate together? (I'm more empathetic than this is coming across, promise)
Load More Replies...
The entitled princesses can pound sand. The moment they suggested she get another job to pay for it the budget should have been zero. No way they say that to you. It's a birthday not a coronation. Start acting like it. I get they all want a separate party. But parties cost money. And if they all want the same damn party why on earth are they then fixated on separate parties? They need to learn now what living within their means is and strip them of their sense of entitlement.
Yes. This option strangely not included in the poll.
Load More Replies...
When I was twelve and my brother fifteen, Dad got laid off. He didn't work for about three months. Come fall, Mom took us aside and let us know Christmas was going to be pretty low-key: they couldn't afford what they normally spent on us. We were disappointed, of course, but we were capable of understanding and dealing with the situation.
Buy them a cupcake each and some toys from the toddler aisle, because they're sure as hell not acting their age.
I love this, tell them they are acting like children, so they will treated as children...
Load More Replies...
WTF?? She can't be serious? She's the AH for raising such entitled daughters and even considering getting another job. I'd have gotten NOTHING if I had demanded my mom get a 2nd job to pay for something I wanted - because I was too lazy to work and wanted to spend time with friends. I'd also have been grounded for being disrespectful. Mom needs to sit those brats down and explain how the world works. Sadly I think that at 16 they're probably already a lost cause. :(
Spending even 1200 is crazy to me! None of my friends had "big" sweet 16s, and for mine I just had dinner out with my parents and grandparents.
Yeah, I’m in the U.S. I didn’t know anyone who had a huge Sweet 16 blowout, and I certainly didn’t either.
Load More Replies...
Entitled brats who have been handed everything. They would get nothing and be taught a very valuable lesson
Lots of people turn 16 without a coronation. My mom was widowed at age 25 and had two daughters, one an infant. But we lived in reality, so...
poll doesn't give the option I want to choose, "cancel the party until they stop acting bratty"
The girls are 16 years old: that's old enough to understand that when less money comes in, less money can be spend.They are also old enough to bear at least part of the responsibility for their own parties. So, if they don't want to get a job, they chose not to have individual parties. End of. It's downright shameful for 3 16-year olds to ask their mother to get another job so she can pay for their party. That's just not on. Sure, they are use to individual parties, but things have changed and now they have to change with it.
I can understand the triplets wanting to have separate parties because they are three people not just some weird *triplets entity*. That said, if they overlap friends quite a bit it does make sense to have a single party. I'm with the posters who feel like a 16th is weird. In Australia the big birthday is either 18 (legal drinking age) or 21 (probably a relic from when 21 was legal drinking age).
I would be stoked if my folks threw a Microwave pizza and let me have like 4 or 5 friends over.
For my 16th birthday, I went out to dinner with my family and that was all. That was all I needed, I didn't need a giant party with lots of people. If this person gets a second job, she is telling her triplets that they can act stupid and get away with it. NTA, but her daughters are incredibly entitled brats.
I can tell you one path I have used with moderate success. Daughter, about 12 - was getting "teenager vibes" and being more of a pain than necessary - so: "Ok, kid - look. As of now; on your next birthday, you will NOT be 13; you will be 11. I'm taking it back." Astonishment. Um. "Mom can he do that??" Mom "I'm just staying out of this." "I'm your father- you EXIST because of me, of COURSE I can do it. You wanna keep acting like a silly child? We can do that." It's like Santa Claus - they know it's not real... but.... and DOES cause some thinking to go on.
or some version of "Ok, kids I gave BIRTH to you yes? Ok. I'm taking it back."
Load More Replies...
She needs to touch grass - get a second job for a birthday party? No.
I was once asked to babysit my 6 year old grand nephew, and took him shopping. We looked at some ice cream and he asked me to buy it. I told him I couldn't afford it, and he understood and found something cheaper. I hope this mom will have time to teach her entitled daughters that money is something that is in limited supply.
I would have laughed my a*s off at them immediately- god the entitlement. However- you know they didn't get that way on their own! No matter if they had more money before, it is obvious they have been stupidly spoiled. She's got no one to blame but herself.
I am going to be optimistic here, and say that this is an ugly phase that will ultimately pass, with them stabilizing into adjusted, kind, empathetic adults. When this happens, they will shake their heads at their own teenage narcissism, seeing your side with complete understanding. If they look back and reflect on having to share a party or have their own, smaller, individual celebration, they will assure you that this did not damage them, and you were right to not capitulate to their unreasonable demands. But if they are looking back on you getting a second job to indulge them, they will shake their heads and ask you what the hell was wrong with you, and tell you that was absolutely ridiculous, and risked sanctioning their entitlement and unreasonable expectations, and leading them to becoming vile, insufferable human beings. No matter what kind of people they become, be it lovely or vile, you'll never be appreciated for giving in.
That poll needs a 5th option - "now you are earning your own party, you have forfeited my contribution by your entitled behaviour"
Completely understand the girls wanting their own parties, but the budget is the budget. The mom did the right thing by telling them the budget and leaving it up to them to decide how to spend it-- they are old enough to understand the situation and make a decision. If they decide to stop being bratty about it and put in some effort, maybe they can come up with something clever, like one party with three distinct zones or focal points.
So ask the dad to make up the difference... Also as a relative I would not want to go to three parties in a row...sorry
99% sure the story is fabricated, but on the 1% chance it's real; you reap what you sow.
This one is actually easy if Mom has a brain. All she hasta do is to offer the kids their options and then walk away: 1. She hands them the $1200 and tells ‘em to plan and put together the party they can afford. 2. She tells ‘em to get jobs so they can pay for the party(s) they want. 3. She tells ‘em to funk off, that their obscene demands and stupid wants aren’t her problem. She has GOT to nip this atrocious behavior in the bud. It may already be too late, but it’s worth a shot making a serious effort to straighten those selfish little twats before they enter the real world and everyone points and laughs at ‘em while calling ‘em “Karens.”
Once again I am so so so so thankful for the teenager I have. Yeah she's been bratty and some some issues that make me wonder about my parenting, but yikes. They should get no party at all with that attitude, unless maybe they pay for it themselves. Get to work ladies!
No one mentions the father, who left the mother in reduced financial circumstances, in any of the comments. Evidently daddy makes bank, because OP mentioned they were well off before he left them, then daddy can f*****g well cough up the money for the three extravagant parties. Then again, since he didn’t really get mentioned, except fir the leaving part, I suspect he’s an unreliable deadbeat dad that OP has to fight tooth and nail just to get the court ordered child support he’s supposed to pay.
I wondered about the dad, too, but it really doesn't feel like there is enough info here to call him a "deadbeat," or even assume he's wealthy. Everyone who goes from dual income to single is suddenly in reduced financial circumstances. Not saying you're right or wrong, but it feels excessive to villify someone who was barely mentioned in the post.
Load More Replies... My bestie is a twin. She's just had a first birthday without her sister, who died last year. She would give everything just to have had her sister there. This story just *hurts*
On the flip side (not to be a d1ck), but there is an article on here about some kid who is still being forced to celebrate their stillborn twin in his teen and the damage it's doing. How old is your bestie? did they always celebrate together? (I'm more empathetic than this is coming across, promise)
Load More Replies... The entitled princesses can pound sand. The moment they suggested she get another job to pay for it the budget should have been zero. No way they say that to you. It's a birthday not a coronation. Start acting like it. I get they all want a separate party. But parties cost money. And if they all want the same damn party why on earth are they then fixated on separate parties? They need to learn now what living within their means is and strip them of their sense of entitlement.
Yes. This option strangely not included in the poll.
Load More Replies... When I was twelve and my brother fifteen, Dad got laid off. He didn't work for about three months. Come fall, Mom took us aside and let us know Christmas was going to be pretty low-key: they couldn't afford what they normally spent on us. We were disappointed, of course, but we were capable of understanding and dealing with the situation.
Buy them a cupcake each and some toys from the toddler aisle, because they're sure as hell not acting their age.
I love this, tell them they are acting like children, so they will treated as children...
Load More Replies... WTF?? She can't be serious? She's the AH for raising such entitled daughters and even considering getting another job. I'd have gotten NOTHING if I had demanded my mom get a 2nd job to pay for something I wanted - because I was too lazy to work and wanted to spend time with friends. I'd also have been grounded for being disrespectful. Mom needs to sit those brats down and explain how the world works. Sadly I think that at 16 they're probably already a lost cause. :(
Spending even 1200 is crazy to me! None of my friends had "big" sweet 16s, and for mine I just had dinner out with my parents and grandparents.
Yeah, I’m in the U.S. I didn’t know anyone who had a huge Sweet 16 blowout, and I certainly didn’t either.
Load More Replies... Entitled brats who have been handed everything. They would get nothing and be taught a very valuable lesson
Lots of people turn 16 without a coronation. My mom was widowed at age 25 and had two daughters, one an infant. But we lived in reality, so...
poll doesn't give the option I want to choose, "cancel the party until they stop acting bratty"
The girls are 16 years old: that's old enough to understand that when less money comes in, less money can be spend.They are also old enough to bear at least part of the responsibility for their own parties. So, if they don't want to get a job, they chose not to have individual parties. End of. It's downright shameful for 3 16-year olds to ask their mother to get another job so she can pay for their party. That's just not on. Sure, they are use to individual parties, but things have changed and now they have to change with it.
I can understand the triplets wanting to have separate parties because they are three people not just some weird *triplets entity*. That said, if they overlap friends quite a bit it does make sense to have a single party. I'm with the posters who feel like a 16th is weird. In Australia the big birthday is either 18 (legal drinking age) or 21 (probably a relic from when 21 was legal drinking age).
I would be stoked if my folks threw a Microwave pizza and let me have like 4 or 5 friends over.
For my 16th birthday, I went out to dinner with my family and that was all. That was all I needed, I didn't need a giant party with lots of people. If this person gets a second job, she is telling her triplets that they can act stupid and get away with it. NTA, but her daughters are incredibly entitled brats.
I can tell you one path I have used with moderate success. Daughter, about 12 - was getting "teenager vibes" and being more of a pain than necessary - so: "Ok, kid - look. As of now; on your next birthday, you will NOT be 13; you will be 11. I'm taking it back." Astonishment. Um. "Mom can he do that??" Mom "I'm just staying out of this." "I'm your father- you EXIST because of me, of COURSE I can do it. You wanna keep acting like a silly child? We can do that." It's like Santa Claus - they know it's not real... but.... and DOES cause some thinking to go on.
or some version of "Ok, kids I gave BIRTH to you yes? Ok. I'm taking it back."
Load More Replies... She needs to touch grass - get a second job for a birthday party? No.
I was once asked to babysit my 6 year old grand nephew, and took him shopping. We looked at some ice cream and he asked me to buy it. I told him I couldn't afford it, and he understood and found something cheaper. I hope this mom will have time to teach her entitled daughters that money is something that is in limited supply.
I would have laughed my a*s off at them immediately- god the entitlement. However- you know they didn't get that way on their own! No matter if they had more money before, it is obvious they have been stupidly spoiled. She's got no one to blame but herself.
I am going to be optimistic here, and say that this is an ugly phase that will ultimately pass, with them stabilizing into adjusted, kind, empathetic adults. When this happens, they will shake their heads at their own teenage narcissism, seeing your side with complete understanding. If they look back and reflect on having to share a party or have their own, smaller, individual celebration, they will assure you that this did not damage them, and you were right to not capitulate to their unreasonable demands. But if they are looking back on you getting a second job to indulge them, they will shake their heads and ask you what the hell was wrong with you, and tell you that was absolutely ridiculous, and risked sanctioning their entitlement and unreasonable expectations, and leading them to becoming vile, insufferable human beings. No matter what kind of people they become, be it lovely or vile, you'll never be appreciated for giving in.
That poll needs a 5th option - "now you are earning your own party, you have forfeited my contribution by your entitled behaviour"
Completely understand the girls wanting their own parties, but the budget is the budget. The mom did the right thing by telling them the budget and leaving it up to them to decide how to spend it-- they are old enough to understand the situation and make a decision. If they decide to stop being bratty about it and put in some effort, maybe they can come up with something clever, like one party with three distinct zones or focal points.
So ask the dad to make up the difference... Also as a relative I would not want to go to three parties in a row...sorry
99% sure the story is fabricated, but on the 1% chance it's real; you reap what you sow.
This one is actually easy if Mom has a brain. All she hasta do is to offer the kids their options and then walk away: 1. She hands them the $1200 and tells ‘em to plan and put together the party they can afford. 2. She tells ‘em to get jobs so they can pay for the party(s) they want. 3. She tells ‘em to funk off, that their obscene demands and stupid wants aren’t her problem. She has GOT to nip this atrocious behavior in the bud. It may already be too late, but it’s worth a shot making a serious effort to straighten those selfish little twats before they enter the real world and everyone points and laughs at ‘em while calling ‘em “Karens.”
Once again I am so so so so thankful for the teenager I have. Yeah she's been bratty and some some issues that make me wonder about my parenting, but yikes. They should get no party at all with that attitude, unless maybe they pay for it themselves. Get to work ladies!
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