Mom Says She’s Uncomfortable With Her Young Son Using Men’s Bathrooms Alone, Asks For Advice Online
Being a parent can be extremely stressful. Aside from getting all the basics right—providing food and shelter, doing homework together, spending quality time together—you also have to worry about their health and safety. Your family’s safety is paramount, there’s no doubt about that. However, while some parents have a very realistic approach when it comes to issues like that, others might give in to their panic and paranoia just a bit too much. It’s up for debate where the line between the two approaches actually lies.
Recently, a mom went viral on the popular Mumsnet forum after asking whether she was unreasonable not to let her 7-year-old son use public men’s restrooms on his own. Instead, she always takes him with her into the women’s bathroom. This is because she’s scared that someone suspicious might want to harm him. Her post sparked a heated discussion on the forum and in the media about whether or not her approach was a rational one. Scroll down to see what people on both sides of the fence thought.
It is completely natural to want to protect your kids. However, you also don’t want to stunt their sense of independence
Image credits: Yanapi Senaud (not the actual picture)
A mom turned to the internet for their verdict on whether she was being unreasonable not to let her son use the men’s public toilets alone
Image credits: FlyingPi
Image credits: Ketut Subiyanto (not the actual photo)
There usually isn’t a clear-cut answer when tackling delicate questions like this. The author of the viral Mumsnet post shared that she’s not quite sure how to explain to her son that she won’t let him use the men’s public toilets because she’s scared for his safety. At the same time, she also noted that she’s already taught him about important concepts like personal space and consent.
On the one hand, there were people who read the mom’s story and thought that she was being overly paranoid. Some internet users even asked her at what age it would finally be appropriate for her son to use the bathroom on his own.
Sooner or later, she’ll have to get used to the idea that she won’t be able to take care of him every time he needs to use the toilet in public.
On the other hand, some parents said that they share the same worries as the mom. Again, the safety of your family is paramount. However, beyond teaching your child to be more aware of strangers, and to stand near the bathroom door until they’re finished, are there really any other practical steps that parents can take to keep them completely safe?
The mom was worried that someone might harm her son if he’s all on his own
Image credits: Juan Marin (not the actual picture)
Having conversations about safety, personal space, and consent is never easy. However, it’s very important. Psychiatrist Raheel Karim told Popsugar that parents ought to teach their children to “always ask permission—regardless of whether they are hugging a friend or playing with someone else’s toys, asking permission reinforces the importance of choice.”
However, just talking about this isn’t enough: parents have to model this type of behavior as well, and lead by example.
It’s also vital that you teach your children the power of the word ‘no.’ They have to understand that if they tell someone ‘no’ that others should respect this.
“Rather than ordering your child to hug or kiss family members goodbye, give them a choice. Affection should not be forced, and if your child only feels comfortable with a high five, handshake, or simply saying ‘goodbye,’ you should accept this,” Dr. Karim said.
Some parents reading the story completely disagreed with the mom. Here’s what they had to say
Meanwhile, some other readers shared some friendly advice and revealed what they do
There were also some internet users who supported the mom and had the same worries as her
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Apologies if this is naive, but she's said she's not so worried about predators but "grown men using the toilet". What is wrong with him seeing a grown man using the toilet? I'd be interested to know if this woman is a single parent and if the child's father is involved, what he thinks.
Grown men using the toilet.....just like the kid is using the toilet. Would she be concerned about her daughter seeing grown women using the toilet? It's just.....such a weird thing to be concerned about.
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In Sweden, moms will regularly have their 10 year old boys in the womens dressing room and nude women's sauna at the public pools. That said, boys would use single gender toilets by themselves. A lot of that has been solved by having unisex toilets even in schools. The sinks are in an open area outside the toilets, good for gender equality since males have to wait as long as females, and no toilet issue for trans students too. Reduces bullying as well.
Unisex toilets with communal sinks outside the toilet area are a fabulous idea and so much safer for kids.
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If he's old enough to be complaining about it, he's old enough to use the Mens room, you can helicopter at the door if you must (pun not intended). Plus its far more likely he's going to get bother from someone in a quiet bathroom than a busy one (most men aren't about to let a 7yo get harassed). FYI In the UK in public swimming pools anyone over the age of 8 is expected to use their gender changing room... Just make sure he knows the 'etiquette' ie, don't go standing next to someone when there's space elsewhere.
With me being a widow when our son was only 6, I feel her fear and anxiety. TRUST that you've had those conversations with your son and he has listened. TRUST the fact that you're a GREAT MOM!!! And let him go pee. Because you ROCK and so does your son
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Huh. I've been wondering why I'm seeing more older boys in women's bathrooms over the last few years. I never used to see a boy above toddler age. I guess people are getting more worried about predators in men's bathrooms? I don't have kids, so I honestly don't know how I'd handle that.
I don't use the bathroom when there's older children in the bathroom..I have literally seen boys in their teens in the women's restroom,literally fighting with their moms over wanting to use the men's and not the women's. The moms then say "well, someone could molest you". Like why put that fear in your kid?
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When my son was 6, I had enrolled him in swimming lessons along with his older sister. I would bring him into the women's dressing room, which had private cubicles, to change him out of his swimsuit and into dry clothes (swim lessons were in autumn to spring). I didn't see it as an issue, but another mother became upset with me for bringing my 6 yr old son into the women's room because it invaded her privacy (it wasn't adult swim, and the cubicles has curtains. My son never wandered) , and told me I should either make him change alone in the men's area, or go in with him to the men's room. She even made a complaint with the staff, who sided with me- he was 6 yrs old! He required help getting dressed. I guess I could have gone into the men's room with him and his 8 yr old sister, but it would have made both the boys and my daughter uncomfortable.
Helicopter much? Just ask him to use the stalls, if you're already standing outside the men's room. What else are you over-protective with?
Having being sexually molested at age nine, I am perfectly fine with little boys in the ladies room. I would try for a family or handicapped stall first, but yeah, no, most sex crimes are crimes of opportunity. Don't give molesters opportunities.
I was molested at age eight and three quarters ha! I beat you in the internets today! My fake story is better then your fake story so my opinion is obviously the right one... Most child molesters are people already very close to the family. Pedophiles are not hiding around every corner especially in busy bathrooms... Are they out there? sure. But you should be more concern about people the kids trust rather than strangers. Most elementary school teachers are pedophile groomers now... But you're probably ok with that
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I'd tell him, "if anyone bothers you, kick them. If you can't kick 'em, bite "em, and if you can't bite 'em then gum the m*****f****rs to death."
I used to take my daughter into the men's room, and I have seen other dads do the same. On the other hand, my daughter had a little boy crawl under her stall door in an airport women's room because he wanted to play with her, so for Pete's sake control your kids in public rest rooks!
😂 sorry.. Thats cute. But yes, please ensure your kiddos don't go peeping on strangers 😂✌️
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If he's old enough to complain to you, then he's old enough to go on his own. Stop helecoptering.
This isn't foolproof advice. My 3 year old has been complaining generally since about when she started talking. She sometimes complains about coming to the men's toilet with me because she's a girl.
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Perhaps she doesn't want to explain penises and their differences. And she must not see naked men often enough to understand that there's just not much to see when their urinating. I have stood at the ladies room door and warned women that a dad had his little girl in the big stall, if someone wanted to wait for them to leave. Everyone was okay with it. She was 3 or 4 and he felt the ladies room would have cleaner seats lol. 7 is old enough to go alone, though if it's one of those super big public restrooms like at an airport that have multiple exits, I might be more cautious, mostly because I know my kids and they'd get lost. Being too overprotective makes the child think he has something to fear. It does not build confidence.
Honestly I'm in for dads taking their small daughters or even sons to the women's, I've heard men's bathrooms are really nasty sometimes
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Where does this woman live where there's flashers everywhere? I'm 54 and have never seen one. Most people in the public toilet just want to do their business and leave.
Unfortunately this is a real issue. I experienced it as a girl as did many of the girls I know. The bathroom area at our public mall was notorious. I was also attacked as an adult in an empty public bathroom. I've stopped a man from grabbing random women on a train platform and saw a flasher on a train too. I live in a major city in the states. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't occur. Women and children are easier targets and can experience issues in spaces where it wouldn't dawn on men to be concerned.
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When my son was 6, we were at the mall and needed to go to the bathroom. He told me was a big boy and didn't need me. I told him he had 5 minutes, else I'd come in the men's room after him. He knew I meant it. I kept an eye on my watch the entire time and he came back within 5 minutes. That was a very loooooong 5 minutes, though.
When mine started "I'm a boy, I want to use the boys bathroom," I started at "okay, but I stand in the doorway and you need to sing ABC's for me" (the main door to the bathroom, a door which was routinely propped open anyway or even had no door at all, not in a busy place, bathroom has privacy walls between entry and toilet/urinal area etc. I was not invading anyone else's privacy, I promise.) More than once, I had an exiting man say "there's no one else in there, you can go in with him" or just straight up laughing about a little boy using a urinal while singing loudly. Then we graduated to him yelling at me that he did not *want* to sing, which accomplished the same thing. Then to using places that did have closed doors, were more busy, etc, with me waiting in the hall right outside. It was a gradual independence. We've been conditioned to think there are child predators lying in wait in every men's room, but there isn't.
Sometimes, bathrooms are just full of people wanting to pee
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This OP is on the road to bringing up a very neurotic son.
What? Its called being understanding of the world around you... It is especially valid concerns if you had something happened to you as a child.
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I’ve struggled with this myself. I started doing it in some smaller places around 5 because he was interested in using the men’s room and I’d post outside and tell him to shout if he needs anything. My husband lost his mind when he learned I did this so I backed off. He’s 6 now and I do it sometimes and sometimes I don’t. I think I mainly base it off the size of the restroom and how crowded it is and if there are multiple entrances/exits. I should point out that my son is very outgoing and assertive. I still worry but I want him to grow up too. It’s always me holding on and him blazing forward fearless. I don’t know if other parents feel that way too.
It is valid from your husband too about these concerns. Honestly, I was nervous and still am nervous when my boys go to the mens room for the same reasons... If ya know, ya know.
Load More Replies... These r going to b some seriously screwed up kids. U canNOT protect ur kids 24/7. At some point they have to learn to b an adult. It doesn't just magically happen all by itself at a certain age. And y don't want them to b living in such fear of everyone around them, that they can't leave the house
At 7 he is definitely able to go to the toilet by himself especially if uncomfortable coming in with mom at that age. I started to feel weird bringing mine into ladies' room when they were 5 ish. Old enough to comment loudly on the other ladies lol. But whatever is right for you is what is right for your family! There are never black/white answers in regards to parenting. Just an opinion here but I wouldn't want to see boys older than 7 ish in bathroom. If they can see the mirror by themselves, probably a little too old. Unless mirrors are lower there ha
Why in the world do we have open urinals at any rate? Why can't urinals be in a stall? The whole thing is creepy to begin with
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In South Africa kids are regularly molested in public bathrooms. Thankfully some malls have family bathrooms that allows mom's to accompany sons or dads to accompany daughters. Effed up world.
It definitely depends on country..in the US, in the late 80, early 90s, stranger danger PAs were pushed hard only to prove later that friends of the family as well as actual family were the risk. In other countries, kids as young as 2 go grocery shopping by themselves without fear. So, I do have hope it can get better but it would take a lot.
Load More Replies... This mom would have a heart attack to know that in some countries, children start grocery shopping on their OWN (without an adult) at the age of 2. Parents literally give them a list and the children leave the house to go to the grocery store, grab the items on the list, then go back home to parents. The whole stranger danger has been proven be false and that family and friends are more of a danger..mom probably has no problem with male family members taking son to the bathroom. Mom is more paranoid than anything.
Thats not something to be "proven false" its still true and just because you don't agree with it does not mean strangers no longer pose threats to children. Theres a reason that parents nowadays are teaching their kids about boundaries and consent, you can acknowledge one thing without throwing the other out the window.
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When my kids were little 35 years ago, itwas always interesting seeing no lines for men's bathrooms because women were taking all the kids - boys and girls - into the women's bathrooms, and the lines were down the hallways. It was even better on camping trips when women were taking the boys into the women's showers. I had a boy and a girl, so I hear this woman's problem. By the time my son was in school, I sent him into the men's room by himself and waited outside. If he wasnt out within a couple minutes, I would call his name through the door and ask him to answer. Then the problem became what to do with him while I went into the women's bathroom with my younger daughter. Yep. Bigger problem, right? The answer is the creation of the "Family Restrooms", and we are starting to see more of them. We all need to lobby builders and developers to create them in all public spaces. One older venue actually converted one men's restroom into a series of family restrooms.
When my husband takes our girl out, he usually just uses the disabled toilet. It's unisex and bigger than a normal cubicle. But it's not going to be long before he'll have to do the hover outside the ladies room yelling in to her to hurry up (she takes f**king forever).
Load More Replies... I agree with the mum. My son came with me into the women's toilets until he was about 10. I was worried about him not being old enough to have a voice if someone approached him in the toilets. He was a pretty shy kid and it wasn't until he about 10 that I was confident he would yell/bite/kick/run if he felt unsafe. Bottom line is, we know #notallmen are predators... but how the F are you supposed to trust that the one in the bathroom with your kid is not one of them?
Statistically children are in more danger from the people they know than the ones they don't. Children are rarely hurt by strangers, obviously it does happen but not nearly as much as we were led to believe when we were children.
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At 7-8, they are at that stage when they do need to be independent. I have 3 sons and I would wait very close by just in case. On a funny note, near Christmas when they were small, hubby took them to the loo and they came running out all excited. Mum, you'll never guess what, Santa was in there having a wee. Guess even he has to go sometime
what will she do when women start complaining about her son being in the ladies loo?? that boy is 7 yo? Really wish public restrooms would go unisex, with cubicles that are completely private. there are toilets in japan that have the sink right on top of the toilet, which I think is a fabulous idea, put a little mirror on the wall and you have a self contained wash room in the toilet cubicle. Put the baby changing station in a separate area.
Sorry but I laughed aloud that she was worried about flashers. There really isn't much more of flashing than standing and urinating! LOL! This boy, I assume, is a male. Therefore, he should know what males look like! And he definitely should be allowed to use a men's washroom when he wants. As long as you are waiting outside for him, what's the problem?
I understand there may be fear about letting your kid out of your sight, but that's why you stand outside. If it's about him seeing an adult penis, generally people are relatively private while using the bathroom, and even still, if his dad is in his life at all, he's probably seen one. As a boy I don't think I ever had an uncomfortable experience in a public restroom, for whatever that's worth.
This really depends on where you are, your gut instincts, and your child's comfort levels. When my son got to that age he still went to the women's rooms if he was with a woman adult, and when he was 9 or so I started just saying, "use whichever one you're comfortable with" and if he went into one I couldn't go into with him I waited outside. That said, if your gut is saying not to let your kid do something alone, particularly somewhere you can't follow, listen to your gut. People seem to think stranger danger isn't real if it hasn't happened to them or someone they know, but it is real. There are opportunistic creepers out there.
Like I get worried parents thing but seriously at 7 he should be using men's toilet alone. Like don't be overly paranoid. Sure, keep an eye on the door or wait outside and that's it. If it is taking too long then do go look for him. Bit seriously, all kids will at some point have to do things alone and yes, as parent you are worried, but lomgeryou postpone it worse and harder will it get. Plus it will build overly protective habits that will eventually lead to problems and things kid will have to learn latter, because he wasn't allowed to take slightest risk. Doing things right is balancing act and can be hard, going between responsible parent and freedom to let kid to learn and do things on his own. Obviously if place is known to be dangerous, then yes, keep closer eye, but then again, why are you taking kid there? If not, let him use men's room alone. And if you are overly protective here, you are almost certainly be on more than one front. Or seek professional help.
And just to add, seeking help isn't something one should be ashamed of. We all have our own issues and sometimes things get hard to resolve for ourselves. In mind, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. And rising kid is stressful and all. No one was born knowing how to do it. And just because some figure things out on their own, this doesn't mean that you are worse person if you need help to get you on the right track.
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Her first reasoning is a bit odd but I understand why she's afraid of someone with ill intent going up to her son in the men's room but at 7 it's time to let go and watch the door(if he was her daughter or if she was his dad it would be a different story) im not a parent but my sister let her son go in the men's room alone around 7-8 while we watched the door
As a divorced Mom of a now grown Son & 2 grandsons (8&6 yo their passed away 2 yrs ago). I've always had them come to the Ladies w/me until about age 6. Then if they're are comfortable (despite my anxiety of some deviant being in either restroom) they use the Gents. Surprisingly they usually holler to me (ie: almost done or are you still there?). For me it included worries of people using drugs, theft or sexual behavior between people my lils didn't need witness. ✌️
As a woman, I do NOT want a seven y/o boy in the ladies’ room while I blot my face and fix my boobs in front of the mirror.
Someday this child will be a man. What is his mother's opinion about men going to do to his self-esteem?
Also if seeing a penis is dangerous and seeing it while someone is using the restroom is a risk, then isn't SHE putting all the women and children in the womens' room at risk by having her son with a penis use the womens' room?
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I have two boys, now 16 and 12. 16 was always very independent. So by the time he was 6 he was ready to go in on his own. He was also very big for his age and looked as if he were 9yrs old. 12 is however on the smaller side and I didnt feel as if he could defend himself from a predator at 6yrs old. By 7yrs old he was uncomfortable with the ladies room so I would stand outside of the mens room and wait for him. A tip that I learned from watching "What Would You Do" with John Quinones, was to allow him to speak very loudly and aggressively if someone began to approach him while in the restroom. It always makes others uncomfortable and more likely to intevene. Comparable to a woman yelling fire instead of help if she were being attacked. They laughed at first, but after reading a news story from about two years ago of two young men (brothers) going into a public restroom and the younger being assaulted without the older knowing scared them enough to make them happily adopt the practice.
Recently not too far from me a woman and her 17 year old daughter were shopping. The daughter, being almost an adult, went to use the bathroom. About 15 minutes go by and she hasn’t come back so mom went to check on her and found her in the stall with a man standing over her and she’s half dead. The guy snuck in there right before she entered and didn’t have to wait long for an opportunity. I had recently started to let my 13 year old daughter go to the bathrooms alone. Not anymore
Just let your daughter know about looking around in her surroundings... I don't blame your concern at all... Have valid conversations with her about this stuff is all. But..damn.. I hope that bastard gets HELL.
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My son, 7YO M, has asked why he can't use the restroom by himself like his older brother. I simply explained that 1) he can't always reach the sink/ soap/ paper towels. He agreed. 2) He must be within eyesight of the bathroom door and public exit because we don't want him to "get lost". 3) Teach kids about "stranger danger". 4) Seeing a penis doesn't make someone go blind...
I can understand OP's discomfort. I would be uncomfortable with sending my child of that age into a public bathroom by himself. Fortunately my kids are same gender as me so there's no issue about using the "wrong" bathroom. In OP's situation, I would understand if she chose to stand just inside the door. OP could do that for awhile, then transition to standing outside the door and so on. He's not going to be a kid forever. This is a necessary transition for the parent and the child.
Am I Being Unreasonable? Dragon Age? :p (dh - dear husband, ds - dear son)
Load More Replies... To me it has nothing to do with him having to be able to handle seeing grown men in the bathroom. Or if he's old enlugh to complain he's old enough to go in alone. BULL...He has his whole life for that and will eventuallyuse the mens independently. We are living in different times and my child's safety is nr 1 for me. Unless his dad or a trusted male family friend can take him to the men's, he's coming with me to the ladies. Damn straight. No ifs and or buts. Don't come for he when you see us, I will simply freeze you out. Period.
When my son was younger, I always made sure the men's room was empty and stood w my foot in the door. I felt it would have been much more awkward taking him into the ladies bathroom. I would apologize for the inconvenience and let men know my young son was in there and I'd appreciate them waiting. They always agreed and many told me that it's a great idea, especially those w girls and said they'd start doing the same. It's sad it's necessary but I took no chances w my kid.
Huh? She's concerned for the right reasons... Though she is coming off as many described as "helicopter parent," these are real concerns from women about men.
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I did this until my son was about that age. Around 7 or 8 i started letting him go in on his own but instructed him to only use the stall with a locking door n to call me if he needed me which meant I also would stand in the general area nonchalantly observing who was coming in n out n making sure i was in earshot of him so i could hear if he needed me. I get being protective u gotta let go at some point but i also dont think its fair to mom shame this woman no matter what her reasons are for being hesitant to let go. There always could be more to her story than she shared. Parenting is a learing experience..children dont come with a manual.
A lot of the rude comments are very uncalled for and i can tell that most of them are from men. There is nothing wrong with a mother worrying about her child taking the next steps into being independent. Not to mention that there's a reason why most people are uncomfortable with their child being around strange men especially in settings like that, mothers can't vent about anything without people rushing to invalidate their feelings.
Your idea is to protect her feelings but make the men into the evil people, nobody is wrong here, although the woman is going to have to let the kid go to the bathroom by himself, and it is false to say mothers can't vent about anything without their feelings being invalidated
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It's not justified, the vast, VAST majority of child predators are going for relatives and children they know (see the boy scouts), not random kids in the bathroom where people are far more likely to walk in or already be there. I can't think of any man or older teenager I know who would just let stuff happen to a kid in a public restroom. A stall is arguably more dangerous than a urinal anyways, a locked box that's not made to get inside or a more open area where you can run if you need to. 10 is way too old to be in the women's restroom.
Load More Replies... Apologies if this is naive, but she's said she's not so worried about predators but "grown men using the toilet". What is wrong with him seeing a grown man using the toilet? I'd be interested to know if this woman is a single parent and if the child's father is involved, what he thinks.
Grown men using the toilet.....just like the kid is using the toilet. Would she be concerned about her daughter seeing grown women using the toilet? It's just.....such a weird thing to be concerned about.
Load More Replies... In Sweden, moms will regularly have their 10 year old boys in the womens dressing room and nude women's sauna at the public pools. That said, boys would use single gender toilets by themselves. A lot of that has been solved by having unisex toilets even in schools. The sinks are in an open area outside the toilets, good for gender equality since males have to wait as long as females, and no toilet issue for trans students too. Reduces bullying as well.
Unisex toilets with communal sinks outside the toilet area are a fabulous idea and so much safer for kids.
Load More Replies... If he's old enough to be complaining about it, he's old enough to use the Mens room, you can helicopter at the door if you must (pun not intended). Plus its far more likely he's going to get bother from someone in a quiet bathroom than a busy one (most men aren't about to let a 7yo get harassed). FYI In the UK in public swimming pools anyone over the age of 8 is expected to use their gender changing room... Just make sure he knows the 'etiquette' ie, don't go standing next to someone when there's space elsewhere.
With me being a widow when our son was only 6, I feel her fear and anxiety. TRUST that you've had those conversations with your son and he has listened. TRUST the fact that you're a GREAT MOM!!! And let him go pee. Because you ROCK and so does your son
Load More Replies... Huh. I've been wondering why I'm seeing more older boys in women's bathrooms over the last few years. I never used to see a boy above toddler age. I guess people are getting more worried about predators in men's bathrooms? I don't have kids, so I honestly don't know how I'd handle that.
I don't use the bathroom when there's older children in the bathroom..I have literally seen boys in their teens in the women's restroom,literally fighting with their moms over wanting to use the men's and not the women's. The moms then say "well, someone could molest you". Like why put that fear in your kid?
Load More Replies... When my son was 6, I had enrolled him in swimming lessons along with his older sister. I would bring him into the women's dressing room, which had private cubicles, to change him out of his swimsuit and into dry clothes (swim lessons were in autumn to spring). I didn't see it as an issue, but another mother became upset with me for bringing my 6 yr old son into the women's room because it invaded her privacy (it wasn't adult swim, and the cubicles has curtains. My son never wandered) , and told me I should either make him change alone in the men's area, or go in with him to the men's room. She even made a complaint with the staff, who sided with me- he was 6 yrs old! He required help getting dressed. I guess I could have gone into the men's room with him and his 8 yr old sister, but it would have made both the boys and my daughter uncomfortable.
Helicopter much? Just ask him to use the stalls, if you're already standing outside the men's room. What else are you over-protective with?
Having being sexually molested at age nine, I am perfectly fine with little boys in the ladies room. I would try for a family or handicapped stall first, but yeah, no, most sex crimes are crimes of opportunity. Don't give molesters opportunities.
I was molested at age eight and three quarters ha! I beat you in the internets today! My fake story is better then your fake story so my opinion is obviously the right one... Most child molesters are people already very close to the family. Pedophiles are not hiding around every corner especially in busy bathrooms... Are they out there? sure. But you should be more concern about people the kids trust rather than strangers. Most elementary school teachers are pedophile groomers now... But you're probably ok with that
Load More Replies... I'd tell him, "if anyone bothers you, kick them. If you can't kick 'em, bite "em, and if you can't bite 'em then gum the m*****f****rs to death."
I used to take my daughter into the men's room, and I have seen other dads do the same. On the other hand, my daughter had a little boy crawl under her stall door in an airport women's room because he wanted to play with her, so for Pete's sake control your kids in public rest rooks!
😂 sorry.. Thats cute. But yes, please ensure your kiddos don't go peeping on strangers 😂✌️
Load More Replies... If he's old enough to complain to you, then he's old enough to go on his own. Stop helecoptering.
This isn't foolproof advice. My 3 year old has been complaining generally since about when she started talking. She sometimes complains about coming to the men's toilet with me because she's a girl.
Load More Replies... Perhaps she doesn't want to explain penises and their differences. And she must not see naked men often enough to understand that there's just not much to see when their urinating. I have stood at the ladies room door and warned women that a dad had his little girl in the big stall, if someone wanted to wait for them to leave. Everyone was okay with it. She was 3 or 4 and he felt the ladies room would have cleaner seats lol. 7 is old enough to go alone, though if it's one of those super big public restrooms like at an airport that have multiple exits, I might be more cautious, mostly because I know my kids and they'd get lost. Being too overprotective makes the child think he has something to fear. It does not build confidence.
Honestly I'm in for dads taking their small daughters or even sons to the women's, I've heard men's bathrooms are really nasty sometimes
Load More Replies... Where does this woman live where there's flashers everywhere? I'm 54 and have never seen one. Most people in the public toilet just want to do their business and leave.
Unfortunately this is a real issue. I experienced it as a girl as did many of the girls I know. The bathroom area at our public mall was notorious. I was also attacked as an adult in an empty public bathroom. I've stopped a man from grabbing random women on a train platform and saw a flasher on a train too. I live in a major city in the states. Just because it hasn't happened to you doesn't mean it doesn't occur. Women and children are easier targets and can experience issues in spaces where it wouldn't dawn on men to be concerned.
Load More Replies... When my son was 6, we were at the mall and needed to go to the bathroom. He told me was a big boy and didn't need me. I told him he had 5 minutes, else I'd come in the men's room after him. He knew I meant it. I kept an eye on my watch the entire time and he came back within 5 minutes. That was a very loooooong 5 minutes, though.
When mine started "I'm a boy, I want to use the boys bathroom," I started at "okay, but I stand in the doorway and you need to sing ABC's for me" (the main door to the bathroom, a door which was routinely propped open anyway or even had no door at all, not in a busy place, bathroom has privacy walls between entry and toilet/urinal area etc. I was not invading anyone else's privacy, I promise.) More than once, I had an exiting man say "there's no one else in there, you can go in with him" or just straight up laughing about a little boy using a urinal while singing loudly. Then we graduated to him yelling at me that he did not *want* to sing, which accomplished the same thing. Then to using places that did have closed doors, were more busy, etc, with me waiting in the hall right outside. It was a gradual independence. We've been conditioned to think there are child predators lying in wait in every men's room, but there isn't.
Sometimes, bathrooms are just full of people wanting to pee
Load More Replies... This OP is on the road to bringing up a very neurotic son.
What? Its called being understanding of the world around you... It is especially valid concerns if you had something happened to you as a child.
Load More Replies... I’ve struggled with this myself. I started doing it in some smaller places around 5 because he was interested in using the men’s room and I’d post outside and tell him to shout if he needs anything. My husband lost his mind when he learned I did this so I backed off. He’s 6 now and I do it sometimes and sometimes I don’t. I think I mainly base it off the size of the restroom and how crowded it is and if there are multiple entrances/exits. I should point out that my son is very outgoing and assertive. I still worry but I want him to grow up too. It’s always me holding on and him blazing forward fearless. I don’t know if other parents feel that way too.
It is valid from your husband too about these concerns. Honestly, I was nervous and still am nervous when my boys go to the mens room for the same reasons... If ya know, ya know.
Load More Replies... These r going to b some seriously screwed up kids. U canNOT protect ur kids 24/7. At some point they have to learn to b an adult. It doesn't just magically happen all by itself at a certain age. And y don't want them to b living in such fear of everyone around them, that they can't leave the house
At 7 he is definitely able to go to the toilet by himself especially if uncomfortable coming in with mom at that age. I started to feel weird bringing mine into ladies' room when they were 5 ish. Old enough to comment loudly on the other ladies lol. But whatever is right for you is what is right for your family! There are never black/white answers in regards to parenting. Just an opinion here but I wouldn't want to see boys older than 7 ish in bathroom. If they can see the mirror by themselves, probably a little too old. Unless mirrors are lower there ha
Why in the world do we have open urinals at any rate? Why can't urinals be in a stall? The whole thing is creepy to begin with
Load More Replies... In South Africa kids are regularly molested in public bathrooms. Thankfully some malls have family bathrooms that allows mom's to accompany sons or dads to accompany daughters. Effed up world.
It definitely depends on country..in the US, in the late 80, early 90s, stranger danger PAs were pushed hard only to prove later that friends of the family as well as actual family were the risk. In other countries, kids as young as 2 go grocery shopping by themselves without fear. So, I do have hope it can get better but it would take a lot.
Load More Replies... This mom would have a heart attack to know that in some countries, children start grocery shopping on their OWN (without an adult) at the age of 2. Parents literally give them a list and the children leave the house to go to the grocery store, grab the items on the list, then go back home to parents. The whole stranger danger has been proven be false and that family and friends are more of a danger..mom probably has no problem with male family members taking son to the bathroom. Mom is more paranoid than anything.
Thats not something to be "proven false" its still true and just because you don't agree with it does not mean strangers no longer pose threats to children. Theres a reason that parents nowadays are teaching their kids about boundaries and consent, you can acknowledge one thing without throwing the other out the window.
Load More Replies... When my kids were little 35 years ago, itwas always interesting seeing no lines for men's bathrooms because women were taking all the kids - boys and girls - into the women's bathrooms, and the lines were down the hallways. It was even better on camping trips when women were taking the boys into the women's showers. I had a boy and a girl, so I hear this woman's problem. By the time my son was in school, I sent him into the men's room by himself and waited outside. If he wasnt out within a couple minutes, I would call his name through the door and ask him to answer. Then the problem became what to do with him while I went into the women's bathroom with my younger daughter. Yep. Bigger problem, right? The answer is the creation of the "Family Restrooms", and we are starting to see more of them. We all need to lobby builders and developers to create them in all public spaces. One older venue actually converted one men's restroom into a series of family restrooms.
When my husband takes our girl out, he usually just uses the disabled toilet. It's unisex and bigger than a normal cubicle. But it's not going to be long before he'll have to do the hover outside the ladies room yelling in to her to hurry up (she takes f**king forever).
Load More Replies... I agree with the mum. My son came with me into the women's toilets until he was about 10. I was worried about him not being old enough to have a voice if someone approached him in the toilets. He was a pretty shy kid and it wasn't until he about 10 that I was confident he would yell/bite/kick/run if he felt unsafe. Bottom line is, we know #notallmen are predators... but how the F are you supposed to trust that the one in the bathroom with your kid is not one of them?
Statistically children are in more danger from the people they know than the ones they don't. Children are rarely hurt by strangers, obviously it does happen but not nearly as much as we were led to believe when we were children.
Load More Replies... At 7-8, they are at that stage when they do need to be independent. I have 3 sons and I would wait very close by just in case. On a funny note, near Christmas when they were small, hubby took them to the loo and they came running out all excited. Mum, you'll never guess what, Santa was in there having a wee. Guess even he has to go sometime
what will she do when women start complaining about her son being in the ladies loo?? that boy is 7 yo? Really wish public restrooms would go unisex, with cubicles that are completely private. there are toilets in japan that have the sink right on top of the toilet, which I think is a fabulous idea, put a little mirror on the wall and you have a self contained wash room in the toilet cubicle. Put the baby changing station in a separate area.
Sorry but I laughed aloud that she was worried about flashers. There really isn't much more of flashing than standing and urinating! LOL! This boy, I assume, is a male. Therefore, he should know what males look like! And he definitely should be allowed to use a men's washroom when he wants. As long as you are waiting outside for him, what's the problem?
I understand there may be fear about letting your kid out of your sight, but that's why you stand outside. If it's about him seeing an adult penis, generally people are relatively private while using the bathroom, and even still, if his dad is in his life at all, he's probably seen one. As a boy I don't think I ever had an uncomfortable experience in a public restroom, for whatever that's worth.
This really depends on where you are, your gut instincts, and your child's comfort levels. When my son got to that age he still went to the women's rooms if he was with a woman adult, and when he was 9 or so I started just saying, "use whichever one you're comfortable with" and if he went into one I couldn't go into with him I waited outside. That said, if your gut is saying not to let your kid do something alone, particularly somewhere you can't follow, listen to your gut. People seem to think stranger danger isn't real if it hasn't happened to them or someone they know, but it is real. There are opportunistic creepers out there.
Like I get worried parents thing but seriously at 7 he should be using men's toilet alone. Like don't be overly paranoid. Sure, keep an eye on the door or wait outside and that's it. If it is taking too long then do go look for him. Bit seriously, all kids will at some point have to do things alone and yes, as parent you are worried, but lomgeryou postpone it worse and harder will it get. Plus it will build overly protective habits that will eventually lead to problems and things kid will have to learn latter, because he wasn't allowed to take slightest risk. Doing things right is balancing act and can be hard, going between responsible parent and freedom to let kid to learn and do things on his own. Obviously if place is known to be dangerous, then yes, keep closer eye, but then again, why are you taking kid there? If not, let him use men's room alone. And if you are overly protective here, you are almost certainly be on more than one front. Or seek professional help.
And just to add, seeking help isn't something one should be ashamed of. We all have our own issues and sometimes things get hard to resolve for ourselves. In mind, sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. And rising kid is stressful and all. No one was born knowing how to do it. And just because some figure things out on their own, this doesn't mean that you are worse person if you need help to get you on the right track.
Load More Replies... Her first reasoning is a bit odd but I understand why she's afraid of someone with ill intent going up to her son in the men's room but at 7 it's time to let go and watch the door(if he was her daughter or if she was his dad it would be a different story) im not a parent but my sister let her son go in the men's room alone around 7-8 while we watched the door
As a divorced Mom of a now grown Son & 2 grandsons (8&6 yo their passed away 2 yrs ago). I've always had them come to the Ladies w/me until about age 6. Then if they're are comfortable (despite my anxiety of some deviant being in either restroom) they use the Gents. Surprisingly they usually holler to me (ie: almost done or are you still there?). For me it included worries of people using drugs, theft or sexual behavior between people my lils didn't need witness. ✌️
As a woman, I do NOT want a seven y/o boy in the ladies’ room while I blot my face and fix my boobs in front of the mirror.
Someday this child will be a man. What is his mother's opinion about men going to do to his self-esteem?
Also if seeing a penis is dangerous and seeing it while someone is using the restroom is a risk, then isn't SHE putting all the women and children in the womens' room at risk by having her son with a penis use the womens' room?
Load More Replies... I have two boys, now 16 and 12. 16 was always very independent. So by the time he was 6 he was ready to go in on his own. He was also very big for his age and looked as if he were 9yrs old. 12 is however on the smaller side and I didnt feel as if he could defend himself from a predator at 6yrs old. By 7yrs old he was uncomfortable with the ladies room so I would stand outside of the mens room and wait for him. A tip that I learned from watching "What Would You Do" with John Quinones, was to allow him to speak very loudly and aggressively if someone began to approach him while in the restroom. It always makes others uncomfortable and more likely to intevene. Comparable to a woman yelling fire instead of help if she were being attacked. They laughed at first, but after reading a news story from about two years ago of two young men (brothers) going into a public restroom and the younger being assaulted without the older knowing scared them enough to make them happily adopt the practice.
Recently not too far from me a woman and her 17 year old daughter were shopping. The daughter, being almost an adult, went to use the bathroom. About 15 minutes go by and she hasn’t come back so mom went to check on her and found her in the stall with a man standing over her and she’s half dead. The guy snuck in there right before she entered and didn’t have to wait long for an opportunity. I had recently started to let my 13 year old daughter go to the bathrooms alone. Not anymore
Just let your daughter know about looking around in her surroundings... I don't blame your concern at all... Have valid conversations with her about this stuff is all. But..damn.. I hope that bastard gets HELL.
Load More Replies... My son, 7YO M, has asked why he can't use the restroom by himself like his older brother. I simply explained that 1) he can't always reach the sink/ soap/ paper towels. He agreed. 2) He must be within eyesight of the bathroom door and public exit because we don't want him to "get lost". 3) Teach kids about "stranger danger". 4) Seeing a penis doesn't make someone go blind...
I can understand OP's discomfort. I would be uncomfortable with sending my child of that age into a public bathroom by himself. Fortunately my kids are same gender as me so there's no issue about using the "wrong" bathroom. In OP's situation, I would understand if she chose to stand just inside the door. OP could do that for awhile, then transition to standing outside the door and so on. He's not going to be a kid forever. This is a necessary transition for the parent and the child.
Am I Being Unreasonable? Dragon Age? :p (dh - dear husband, ds - dear son)
Load More Replies... To me it has nothing to do with him having to be able to handle seeing grown men in the bathroom. Or if he's old enlugh to complain he's old enough to go in alone. BULL...He has his whole life for that and will eventuallyuse the mens independently. We are living in different times and my child's safety is nr 1 for me. Unless his dad or a trusted male family friend can take him to the men's, he's coming with me to the ladies. Damn straight. No ifs and or buts. Don't come for he when you see us, I will simply freeze you out. Period.
When my son was younger, I always made sure the men's room was empty and stood w my foot in the door. I felt it would have been much more awkward taking him into the ladies bathroom. I would apologize for the inconvenience and let men know my young son was in there and I'd appreciate them waiting. They always agreed and many told me that it's a great idea, especially those w girls and said they'd start doing the same. It's sad it's necessary but I took no chances w my kid.
Huh? She's concerned for the right reasons... Though she is coming off as many described as "helicopter parent," these are real concerns from women about men.
Load More Replies... I did this until my son was about that age. Around 7 or 8 i started letting him go in on his own but instructed him to only use the stall with a locking door n to call me if he needed me which meant I also would stand in the general area nonchalantly observing who was coming in n out n making sure i was in earshot of him so i could hear if he needed me. I get being protective u gotta let go at some point but i also dont think its fair to mom shame this woman no matter what her reasons are for being hesitant to let go. There always could be more to her story than she shared. Parenting is a learing experience..children dont come with a manual.
A lot of the rude comments are very uncalled for and i can tell that most of them are from men. There is nothing wrong with a mother worrying about her child taking the next steps into being independent. Not to mention that there's a reason why most people are uncomfortable with their child being around strange men especially in settings like that, mothers can't vent about anything without people rushing to invalidate their feelings.
Your idea is to protect her feelings but make the men into the evil people, nobody is wrong here, although the woman is going to have to let the kid go to the bathroom by himself, and it is false to say mothers can't vent about anything without their feelings being invalidated
Load More Replies... It's not justified, the vast, VAST majority of child predators are going for relatives and children they know (see the boy scouts), not random kids in the bathroom where people are far more likely to walk in or already be there. I can't think of any man or older teenager I know who would just let stuff happen to a kid in a public restroom. A stall is arguably more dangerous than a urinal anyways, a locked box that's not made to get inside or a more open area where you can run if you need to. 10 is way too old to be in the women's restroom.
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