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Viral Post Shows What Friendship Between Women Looks Like After One Of Them Has A Miscarriage
Ashlee Gadd said the hardest part of her miscarriage was reconciling how to walk through her normal days while bleeding and grieving.
“There’s so much I didn’t know about this kind of loss,” the 35-year-old California mom of three told TODAY Parents. “I never understood how much ordinary life continues swirling around… how this process doesn’t happen in a day. It lasts and lingers. I never considered how many women are walking around in public places in the process of silently miscarrying.”
Luckily, Gadd had people to support her. Like Anna Quinlan, a dear friend who she has known for about a decade.
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Ashlee Gadd was seven weeks pregnant with her fourth child when she learned that she had suffered her first miscarriage
Image credits: ashleegadd
So her friend Anna Quinlan reached out to her
Image credits: ashleegadd
But instead of asking how Ashlee was doing, Quinlan texted a multiple choice question
The mom replied to the text with a photo of a single roll of toilet paper
Image credits: ashleegadd
That afternoon, toilet paper and Cheez-its arrived on Gadd’s porch
Image credits: ashleegadd
Gadd told Good Morning America that a miscarriage wasn’t even on her radar. “It took a couple of minutes to really hit me and I was crushed,” she said. “The doctor asked if she could give me a hug and the moment her arms wrapped around my neck, I started sobbing.”
It got even worse in the week that followed, while the mom waited to undergo a dilation and curettage, a medical procedure performed to clear the uterine lining after a miscarriage.
“In that week, I was still feeling very pregnant, feeling nauseous and my boobs hurt,” Gadd recalled. “My body felt very pregnant but my mind knew that I wasn’t going to be much longer. That was a really hard thing to reconcile.”
It was also during that trying time that Anna showed her support. The gesture meant so much to Gadd that she just had to share it on her social media.
Ashlee had never experienced a loss like this
Image credits: ashleegadd
Image credits: ashleegadd
But she considers herself one of the lucky ones
Image credits: ashleegadd
According to the Mayo Clinic, about 10 to 20 percent of known pregnancies end in miscarriage. The actual number, however, is likely higher because many miscarriages occur very early in pregnancy — before the couple even finds out about it.
The term “miscarriage” might suggest that something went wrong in the way the woman carried out the pregnancy. But this is rarely true — most miscarriages occur because the fetus isn’t developing as expected.
Iris Gorfinkel, who is a General Practitioner and Principal Investigator/Founder of PrimeHealth Clinical Research in Toronto, Ontario, has written an excellent piece on why we should consider aborting the term miscarriage altogether.
Image credits: ashleegadd
Everyone who heard Ashlee’s story was incredibly touched by it
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What do you think ?
Viviane 4 years ago
Being specific is pretty much how to help someone: tell them exactly what you can do to help. "Let me know if I can do anything" is vague to someone under stress and may sound like something said out of politeness.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
That's a good one Viviane, I'll remember that, thank you..
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Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Love this. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had my MIL stay with us for two weeks as I had to take it easy after emergency surgery. She helped so much doing things like house work, going to the shops and taking my daughter to and from school. She also didn't pester me when I wanted to be alone. She was amazing and a great help during a tough time. she even made me a new friend (one of my besties).
Bobert Robertson 4 years ago
Lucky to have such a loving mother in law, mine is pretty great too
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Pamela24 4 years ago
A beautiful bittersweet story that was honestly also educational. I will remembered this way of offering support to loved ones in difficult striations. So many people just say "let me know if you need anything" (I did that too a couple of times) but that just puts the burden of asking on the person who's hurting. The list of options is a great way to offer actual help yet not pressure the vulnerable person too much. ❤️
kjorn 4 years ago
she's lucky. 3 years ago my ex-wife got in a massive mental breakdown (suicide attempt, burn-out, depression, 1 month into mental facility, etc...) her closest friend just stop seeing her. saying: "she is in another place now" That was a really shitty thing to do since she was her only friend.
Viviane 4 years ago
That's a terrible attitude, to dismiss someone. Even if the person isn't up to communicating, at least leave messages to reassure them that you're going to abandon them. I simply left, "I'm still here. I'm not going away" to a friend who wanted to be alone for a while. When she was ready to talk again, she said she appreciated the messages.
Load More Replies...
Monica Martinez Castañeda 4 years ago
I was trying to have a child via IVF, with several unsuccessful attempts. After one of them, a friend appears at my house, with McDonald's, on a Friday night (having herself a toddler at home waiting for her) I've told her how much that meant to me, but I don't think she's fully aware about it. It showed me what a really good friend I have (I was able to finally have a beautiful boy some time later :))
Tabitha Martel 4 years ago
I went through this twice, once before each successful baby and had to have the D&C both times because my body refused to acknowledge the loss. Both times I was 12 weeks give or take. I don't remember who "didn't show up" per say but I absolutely remember who did. I'm so glad that friendship like this exists and for these women. These sort of things keep my hope alive.
Monica Michelle 4 years ago
Please do this for friends esp. your disabled friends or grieving friends or tired friends just do this!
Patti Vance 4 years ago
i hope this lady cherishes her friend. about 45 yrs ago when i was just 20 i, too, suffered a miscarriage at six months. a friend (or so i thought so) thought that i needed to get out of the house since i was so depressed. she picked me up and we drove to another friend's home to visit. lo and behold, she sees this guy she has been trying to get with and they decide to go to the store....and they never return. the friend we are visiting doesn't have a car available & i needed to get back home. it was 110 degree out and i had to walk back home, a distance of 4 - 5 miles, bleeding all the way. she later called to apologize but i never spoke to her again.
Vanessa Broeckx 4 years ago
Both my sisters had one. For both, I simply brought a hug, flowers and donuts/cupcakes. They knew I was there for them.
Viviane 4 years ago
Being specific is pretty much how to help someone: tell them exactly what you can do to help. "Let me know if I can do anything" is vague to someone under stress and may sound like something said out of politeness.
Caro Caro 4 years ago
That's a good one Viviane, I'll remember that, thank you..
Load More Replies... Foxxy (The Original) 4 years ago
Love this. When I had my ectopic pregnancy I had my MIL stay with us for two weeks as I had to take it easy after emergency surgery. She helped so much doing things like house work, going to the shops and taking my daughter to and from school. She also didn't pester me when I wanted to be alone. She was amazing and a great help during a tough time. she even made me a new friend (one of my besties).
Bobert Robertson 4 years ago
Lucky to have such a loving mother in law, mine is pretty great too
Load More Replies... Pamela24 4 years ago
A beautiful bittersweet story that was honestly also educational. I will remembered this way of offering support to loved ones in difficult striations. So many people just say "let me know if you need anything" (I did that too a couple of times) but that just puts the burden of asking on the person who's hurting. The list of options is a great way to offer actual help yet not pressure the vulnerable person too much. ❤️
kjorn 4 years ago
she's lucky. 3 years ago my ex-wife got in a massive mental breakdown (suicide attempt, burn-out, depression, 1 month into mental facility, etc...) her closest friend just stop seeing her. saying: "she is in another place now" That was a really shitty thing to do since she was her only friend.
Viviane 4 years ago
That's a terrible attitude, to dismiss someone. Even if the person isn't up to communicating, at least leave messages to reassure them that you're going to abandon them. I simply left, "I'm still here. I'm not going away" to a friend who wanted to be alone for a while. When she was ready to talk again, she said she appreciated the messages.
Load More Replies... Monica Martinez Castañeda 4 years ago
I was trying to have a child via IVF, with several unsuccessful attempts. After one of them, a friend appears at my house, with McDonald's, on a Friday night (having herself a toddler at home waiting for her) I've told her how much that meant to me, but I don't think she's fully aware about it. It showed me what a really good friend I have (I was able to finally have a beautiful boy some time later :))
Tabitha Martel 4 years ago
I went through this twice, once before each successful baby and had to have the D&C both times because my body refused to acknowledge the loss. Both times I was 12 weeks give or take. I don't remember who "didn't show up" per say but I absolutely remember who did. I'm so glad that friendship like this exists and for these women. These sort of things keep my hope alive.
Monica Michelle 4 years ago
Please do this for friends esp. your disabled friends or grieving friends or tired friends just do this!
Patti Vance 4 years ago
i hope this lady cherishes her friend. about 45 yrs ago when i was just 20 i, too, suffered a miscarriage at six months. a friend (or so i thought so) thought that i needed to get out of the house since i was so depressed. she picked me up and we drove to another friend's home to visit. lo and behold, she sees this guy she has been trying to get with and they decide to go to the store....and they never return. the friend we are visiting doesn't have a car available & i needed to get back home. it was 110 degree out and i had to walk back home, a distance of 4 - 5 miles, bleeding all the way. she later called to apologize but i never spoke to her again.
Vanessa Broeckx 4 years ago
Both my sisters had one. For both, I simply brought a hug, flowers and donuts/cupcakes. They knew I was there for them.
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