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Woman Tells Son’s Wife She Needs To Be A Stay-At-Home Mom, Loses It After She Refuses
Extended family is a double-edged sword. It offers additional support and connection, yet can also bring more tension and conflicts.
One woman recently made a post on the subreddit ‘Am I the [Jerk]?‘ about her mother-in-law being the source of the latter.
Apparently, the lady cannot make peace with the fact that her son’s wife continues to work now that they have kids, and is going out of her way to persuade the couple to reconsider their arrangement.
RELATED:
This woman is happy to work despite the fact that her husband is earning a lot of money
Image credits: Matilda Wormwood / pexels (not the actual photo)
But her mother-in-law wants her to stop and focus on raising their kids
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska / pexels (not the actual photo)
Image credits: prathanchorruangsak / envato (not the actual photo)
Image credits: anon
It’s a shame that the lady is too stubborn to appreciate the couple’s happiness
According to Jennifer Petriglieri, who is an associate professor of organizational behavior at INSEAD and the author of Couples That Work: How Dual-Career Couples Can Thrive in Love and Work, these partners do face unique challenges, so they must work out a way that lets both thrive. If they don’t, then regrets and imbalances quickly build up, threatening to hinder their careers, dissolve their relationship, or both.
For her book, Petriglieri did a six-year investigation into the lives of more than 100 dual-career couples, and found that they overcome the hurdles in their way by directly addressing deeper psychological and social forces—such as struggles for power and control; personal hopes, fears, and losses; and assumptions and cultural expectations about the roles partners should play in each other’s lives and what it means to have a good relationship or career.
So it’s cool to know that the Redditor’s husband stood by her and echoed his wife’s position to his mom.
Arguments could be made that such conflicts are, to a certain extent, unavoidable. Writer Megan Carnegie, for example, says that the historic formation of heterosexual family structures may be partly responsible for creating tension between extended family members, and form the basis of the trope of the meddling mother-in-law specifically.
After all, in some patrilineal societies, parents choose who their child marries, and once married, the daughter-in-law moves in with her husband’s family.
As the senior woman of the household in these arrangements, the mother feels she’s in charge of the domestic sphere, and has a higher social status and decision-making authority over her daughter-in-law.
A 2016 survey by digital lifestyle brand Fatherly showed that of those couples who do argue with their in-laws, 29% said it was about parenting style, followed by 15% who brought up politics, 14% said money and 4% said their in-laws needled them about career success.
Everyone has their own version of how a household should be run.
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
People who have read her story are expressing their support for the woman and her husband
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What do you think ?
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
"Bangmaid". I have learned a new word today. And goddamn, what a perfect term for a domestic servant you're sleeping with.
ewa 1 year ago
My Mil got a crying Fit because my Husband served the Christmas dinner (that I had cooked) I was pregnant with our second child and lying down due to severe hypermedia . She told him that he was "used" as a waiter ...
Alexandra 1 year ago
For God's sake, look at it the other way. If you stayed home because you felt you had to but you had rather be working, would you have made a good parent? Would your children have benefitted from having a mother around who wouldn't have chosen this option if it was up to her? There is nothing wrong with having 2 working parents. Being a SAHM doesn't mean you're a good parent: there are lots of SAHM who abuse their children in the most horrific ways just out of their own frustrations. You and your partner are setting an excellent example for your children to succeed in life on both professional and social levels. Of course people try to make you do as they do because it makes them feel less insecure that way about their own life choices. Just carry on with what you do: you're doing an excellent job.
Hey hey hey 1 year ago
Its not a MIL problem, but a cultural problem that deeply ingrained in that particular society, as mentioned by the OP. Its known as kotobuki taisha (a term that can be translated as “joyful retirement from one’s company for the purpose of marriage.”)
Susan Schlee 1 year ago
She needs to tell them this is America and we don't play that way if we don't want or need to!
Load More Replies...
Hannah Taylor 1 year ago
MIL needs to stay in her lane. OP and hubby are doing just fine. "Thank you, we're handling things well" is a phrase that needs to be repeated, each and every time MIL starts to spout her antique philosophy. That, and minimizing contact with her, might make her see the light.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
"A mother shows her love by cooking and cleaning." Well THIS mother shows her love by bringing in 200k a year...
Load More Replies...
Bobby 1 year ago
I think its really odd that roles reversed a man who wants to be a SAHF is shamed for not having a job. It's asinine and needs to stop
Upstaged75 1 year ago
When my nephew was born my brother was the one who stayed home, because his wife made more money. It's what worked best for them. I can't imagine shaming him for that!
Load More Replies...
brittany 1 year ago
keep answers to such things short and to the point "this topic is closed" and change the topic. repeat like a broken record. no raised voices, no getting angry. just repeat it over and over. another one that OP can use is "this has been discussed. new topic." again over and over and oven like a broken record.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Dear MIL, hand over $200k a year and you've got a deal. That is, if you really think it's that important."
Kate Johnson 1 year ago
Women like this MIL are an enemy to evolved women everywhere and should be ashamed. She has no right to impose her antiquated ideas on this generation. She had her chance to make her choices, and this is NOT her life. I would tell her that if she would like to continue to be part of our lives at all, she will stow that s**t permanently. Final warning.
Amused panda 1 year ago
Huh, so not only does grandma think she has a right to comment on how a couple chose to spend their money and live their lives, she's also advocating an action which will reduce the aunt's income stream. OP and her husband are making good money, saving a significant portion of their shared income, and choosing to spend money they can afford on removing the tasks they have little/no interest in, in order to maximise quality time. It sounds like they recognise their own strengths and priorities.
Katie Lutesinger 1 year ago
"Bangmaid". I have learned a new word today. And goddamn, what a perfect term for a domestic servant you're sleeping with.
ewa 1 year ago
My Mil got a crying Fit because my Husband served the Christmas dinner (that I had cooked) I was pregnant with our second child and lying down due to severe hypermedia . She told him that he was "used" as a waiter ...
Alexandra 1 year ago
For God's sake, look at it the other way. If you stayed home because you felt you had to but you had rather be working, would you have made a good parent? Would your children have benefitted from having a mother around who wouldn't have chosen this option if it was up to her? There is nothing wrong with having 2 working parents. Being a SAHM doesn't mean you're a good parent: there are lots of SAHM who abuse their children in the most horrific ways just out of their own frustrations. You and your partner are setting an excellent example for your children to succeed in life on both professional and social levels. Of course people try to make you do as they do because it makes them feel less insecure that way about their own life choices. Just carry on with what you do: you're doing an excellent job.
Hey hey hey 1 year ago
Its not a MIL problem, but a cultural problem that deeply ingrained in that particular society, as mentioned by the OP. Its known as kotobuki taisha (a term that can be translated as “joyful retirement from one’s company for the purpose of marriage.”)
Susan Schlee 1 year ago
She needs to tell them this is America and we don't play that way if we don't want or need to!
Load More Replies... Hannah Taylor 1 year ago
MIL needs to stay in her lane. OP and hubby are doing just fine. "Thank you, we're handling things well" is a phrase that needs to be repeated, each and every time MIL starts to spout her antique philosophy. That, and minimizing contact with her, might make her see the light.
Ms.GB 1 year ago
"A mother shows her love by cooking and cleaning." Well THIS mother shows her love by bringing in 200k a year...
Load More Replies... Bobby 1 year ago
I think its really odd that roles reversed a man who wants to be a SAHF is shamed for not having a job. It's asinine and needs to stop
Upstaged75 1 year ago
When my nephew was born my brother was the one who stayed home, because his wife made more money. It's what worked best for them. I can't imagine shaming him for that!
Load More Replies... brittany 1 year ago
keep answers to such things short and to the point "this topic is closed" and change the topic. repeat like a broken record. no raised voices, no getting angry. just repeat it over and over. another one that OP can use is "this has been discussed. new topic." again over and over and oven like a broken record.
Michael Largey 1 year ago
"Dear MIL, hand over $200k a year and you've got a deal. That is, if you really think it's that important."
Kate Johnson 1 year ago
Women like this MIL are an enemy to evolved women everywhere and should be ashamed. She has no right to impose her antiquated ideas on this generation. She had her chance to make her choices, and this is NOT her life. I would tell her that if she would like to continue to be part of our lives at all, she will stow that s**t permanently. Final warning.
Amused panda 1 year ago
Huh, so not only does grandma think she has a right to comment on how a couple chose to spend their money and live their lives, she's also advocating an action which will reduce the aunt's income stream. OP and her husband are making good money, saving a significant portion of their shared income, and choosing to spend money they can afford on removing the tasks they have little/no interest in, in order to maximise quality time. It sounds like they recognise their own strengths and priorities.
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