“She Seemed Embarrassed”: Man Walks Out From A Date, Asks If He Was A Jerk

I think she has to be honest about the kids, but the "different dads" can wait for an early, personal revelation. I have a family member who has 3 kids by 3 dads. She was married to first dad, who cheated on her. The others were from some poor decisions during a rough time in her life. But you know what? She is married to a wonderful man now and has provided a stable home for all three kids along the way. We are proud of who she has become. Maybe she's an exception, but not every "3 daddy" story is going to reflect who she is now. So disclose the kids (because they are part of your package going forward) but wait to discuss the dads when you feel comfortable doing so. First dates are not the place to be required to bare your soul.

I think he's totally in the wrong. First, women often wait to disclose kids while on the date to avoid the creepers who are looking for kids. Second, he couldn't just have a meal with her? Yeah, it's not gonna go further but they are already there together. They can't engage in conversation and just enjoy their meal? Instead he treats her like something he stepped in and leaves her there.

My favorite comment: “The most fascinating thing about the story is the double standard many people have. Had I been a woman and a man told me he had 5 kids from 3 different women, there is no doubt most of the people outraged would have the complete opposite reaction.” Um, no! I would have the exact same reaction. Throwing out babies like mardigras beads is weird af. If my buddy did that, I would ask "WTF is wrong with you?! Have you never heard of protection?"

It's such a wonderful world in which we now live.

I don't think people should necessarily be immediately judged in a scenario, like this. She could be a completely different person at this point. Obviously, you're going to have to be okay going into a situation like this. But her not disclosing that info kind of implies she's not really turning things around anyways, so OP's NTA. I think someone should be upfront about this and what they want out of dating. Regardless, "...the desire to not want to hold a woman accountable for her life choices when it comes to having children" is so f*****g STUPID. How does a regular person, let along people ont he internet, hold someone accountable for this? She can't date anyone ever? She has to beg forgiveness? If she weren't taking care of her kids, that's different. But I'd like that person to explain how everyone is supposed hold a woman in this situation accountable?. SO DUMB.

I don't get the yta comments. Single 32 year old woman with 5 kids with 3 men is extraordinarily irresponsible. That's a massive red flag. He paid for his meal, told her he wasn't interested and left. What should he have done? Empathised with her irresponsible behaviour and given her false hope of a relationship? Been a shoulder to cry on for this complet stranger who has made some seriously ridiculous choices in her life? What else was this guy meant to do? She made her choice and he made his.

Go read r/Childfree channel on youtube, there are plenty of stories about breeders who hide the fact they have kids, springing it on people and hoping to trap them. Listen to this one about a man whose potential date lied about having a kid. (Omitting is lying, especially if you're asked.) [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hpLW3ULI8TU ] And a story about a woman who found out a guy had kids after SIX MONTHS of dating. The guy went psycho after she dumped him because she didn't want kids. (She's Childfree, he lied in his profile and claimed not to have any.) [ https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=74Oqb4mKx5o ]

If her profile was for anything more than "casual date/possible hookup" then she should have had the "Do you have kids? I do." exchange before going on a date. There's no obligation to tell everyone who sees your profile that you have kids, or everyone you have a first date with that they're from different fathers. If there's a second or third date, then you need to be clear about the multiple fathers part. You have a right to privacy, but you have balance that with being upfront about facts that are possible dealbreakers. Devout member of your faith, and only date the same? Disabled? Take your emotional-support llama everywhere? Married? You have children? Unless both of you are clear that you're just looking to hook up, you have to know that these are essential facts for anyone planning on dating you might consider dealbreakers. Not disclosing wastes both your time, and puts you both to an expense that might be significant to some people.

Waiting for a first date to arrive and a lady comes up to me and asks if I was waiting for Barbara. Thinking she was a friend who had come to break the bad news I said yes and she told me she was Barbara. Looked nothing like her photos, mainly because they were of somebody else! I said maybe we needed to talk about this over a drink rather than dinner and she agreed. I had been straight with her from the start: Divorced 3 years with two daughters in boarding school so, how about her? Used a friend's photos so her HUSBAND wouldn't find out. They were not divorced but separated meaning they still lived together but had separate bedrooms. She wasn't, in fact, childless as her profile stated but had 3 kids including an 18 month old girl. Why hadn't she mentioned any of this in the month we had been chatting - my fault apparently, I never asked!

Did you ask the circumstances? I know women with children from multiple fathers, and were married to each one, I know similar situations where the lady had her 1st child when she was a teenager (possibly from an abusive situation) additionally she was a young widow. Being kind cost you your drink, meal cost and an hour and 1/2 of your time, while the trauma of your judgement may have numerous and long lasting consequences. If you are old enough to be dating 32 yr old women, you should be mature enough to ask more questions before the date!

5 kids with 3 dad's? That's cool! I got 9 kids with 8 babymamma's. But don't worry. They don't cause too much drama, unless they find out I'm working again. Then they come after that damn child support. Like they can't support them kids! They all got jobs! Hey - where you going?

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I mean, he could have put that he wasn't interested in dating women with children in HIS profile. What a stupid c**k stain.