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“I Think I’m About To Lose The Best Relationship I’ve Ever Had Because Of A Situation I Never Asked For”
Couples undergo a significant change once a child enters the picture. They’re no longer living just for themselves, as this young human being becomes the center of their universe and the top priority of their plans moving forward.
This was a reality a man was not ready for after his girlfriend decided to take full custody of her brother’s children. The idea of suddenly taking on fatherhood duties scared him to the point where he considered leaving the woman he had intended to spend the rest of his life with.
You will find the entire story below, along with the mixed reactions from readers.
RELATED:
Being a parent is nothing short of life-changing
Image credits: juliane Monari/Pexels (not the actual photo)
A man realized this when he faced the possibility of being an instant father to the children of his girlfriend’s brother
Image credits: Alex Green/Pexels (not the actual photo)
Looking at it from a practical point of view, he proceeded to have the difficult conversation with her
Image credits: Freepik (not the actual photo)
However, his girlfriend wanted to push through with her plans, leaving their relationship in jeopardy
Image credits: stressfulthrowaway0
Stepparenting involves a load of challenges that can be overwhelming
The man’s concerns about suddenly having two children in his life are understandable. Apart from the financial concerns, there are many other factors at play. In an article for Psychology Today, licensed clinical social worker Robert Taibbi mentioned a few of them that primarily involved family dynamics.
One of them is taking on the task of melding the personalities of both children. In the author’s case, his situation could be much more challenging since he would be dealing with young kids, one of whom has special needs.
Parenting styles may also be an issue. By all accounts, the man seems to have minimal experience dealing with children as a father figure. He and his girlfriend will need to undertake the monumental task of determining the most effective parenting style that suits their situation.
Additionally, having less time as a couple could take a toll on their relationship.
“(Couples) are rapidly feeling on those busy weekends that they are no longer a couple but struggling parents of a gaggle of kids,” Taibbi wrote.
Taibbi shared a few tips on how to make stepparenting work, including getting on the same parenting page, setting aside couple time, and covering each other’s backs. However, the whole idea of taking on the role of fatherhood isn’t something that the author appears to be ready for.
As licensed marriage and family therapist Anita Chlipala tells Very Well Mind, the financial strain alone can be a cause of contention that could burden the relationship. And if the couple fails to find a compromise, breaking up may be the sensible thing to do.
Unless he has a change of heart, it may be best for the author to leave the relationship. It will be painful, but not as horrible as doing a lousy job as a father figure in the long term, because he is doing it against his will.
The author provided more information
He also answered some commenters’ questions
Some people supported his decision
However, others criticized him for wanting to leave the relationship
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What do you think ?
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
It's the right decision. OP is clear on what he's able to give and is being as kind as possible. It is so much better to be clear and to leave before a family unit is established where the kids count on and expect him. If you aren't up for parenting, that is understandable. No one should be forced into parenthood. It's a sad situation all around, but leaving is the right thing to do.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 month ago
My best friend lost her husband 7 months before she gave birth. She asked me if I would raise her child as my own, knowing she had a year or two at best. She passed shortly after he was born. I was in love with the man of my dreams. I had finally found my person. But as two gay men who’d never considered kids, I was horrified with having to become a dad even if it meant losing the love of my life. When we sat down to discuss my having decided to fulfill her wishes, I didn’t know which way it was going to go. He was premed, laser-focused on his education & career path. I knew I had no right to ask him & had to be ok with whatever he’d choose. For him, it was a no-brainer. He’d already looked into the foster/adoption classes & the background checks & such. He made the choice to be a dad with me, even though he had every right to walk away. I’m so blessed he is my partner in this life & with raising our now 11yo son. I never fathomed this life. But it was his choice that made it happen.
Anyone-for-tea? 1 month ago
What an incredible thing to do for your friend and her child. I hope the three of you have many more happy years together.
Load More Replies...
Earonn - 1 month ago
It would be great if everyone was capable of bearing such a 'load'. But not everyone is. OP is honest, that's all one can ask for. If anything, blame a country (and there are many like it!) that doesn't provide for good living situations for such kids, where they can grow up loved without some family member having to uproot their own life and sacrifice whatever plans they had!
FreeTheUnicorn 1 month ago
It's the right decision. OP is clear on what he's able to give and is being as kind as possible. It is so much better to be clear and to leave before a family unit is established where the kids count on and expect him. If you aren't up for parenting, that is understandable. No one should be forced into parenthood. It's a sad situation all around, but leaving is the right thing to do.
ॐBoyGanesh 1 month ago
My best friend lost her husband 7 months before she gave birth. She asked me if I would raise her child as my own, knowing she had a year or two at best. She passed shortly after he was born. I was in love with the man of my dreams. I had finally found my person. But as two gay men who’d never considered kids, I was horrified with having to become a dad even if it meant losing the love of my life. When we sat down to discuss my having decided to fulfill her wishes, I didn’t know which way it was going to go. He was premed, laser-focused on his education & career path. I knew I had no right to ask him & had to be ok with whatever he’d choose. For him, it was a no-brainer. He’d already looked into the foster/adoption classes & the background checks & such. He made the choice to be a dad with me, even though he had every right to walk away. I’m so blessed he is my partner in this life & with raising our now 11yo son. I never fathomed this life. But it was his choice that made it happen.
Anyone-for-tea? 1 month ago
What an incredible thing to do for your friend and her child. I hope the three of you have many more happy years together.
Load More Replies... Earonn - 1 month ago
It would be great if everyone was capable of bearing such a 'load'. But not everyone is. OP is honest, that's all one can ask for. If anything, blame a country (and there are many like it!) that doesn't provide for good living situations for such kids, where they can grow up loved without some family member having to uproot their own life and sacrifice whatever plans they had!
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