Bride Is Upset The Groom’s Teen Cousin Will Upstage Her By Wearing A Traditional Indian Outfit To Their Wedding
It’s only fair for the bride to decide what the most important day of her life will look like. But there’s one thing to pick: the dress code, venue, catering menu, and guest list, and to tell your guests what not to wear. Especially if we’re talking traditional clothing. But as we all know very well, weddings are often emotionally and physically draining events that put everyone on board to the test. So there’s never one easy answer.
The internet is now divided over this r/AITA story posted by a 17-year-old Indian teen who got invited to her cousin’s wedding. “His bride is white. My cousin and his fiancee are going to have a fusion wedding,” the author explained.
The problem started when the bride saw the author’s dress she was going to wear on her day, which was a $3500 “lehenga in pale yellow, the skirt and dupatta are pretty decked out.” The bride-to-be immediately got upset over how “flashy” the garb was and realized the author could “outshine” her. The family took sides and drama ensued, so read the story in full right below.
Bride demands her 17-year-old female guest not wear her traditional Indian garb to her wedding because it’s “too flashy”
Image credits: ChanhNguyen (not the actual photo)
Whatever your big day may be, whether traditional, fusion, super extravagant, or totally minimal, planning stress is often a huge part of it. A survey by OnePoll has shown that six in ten couples married in the last year seriously considered eloping. A recent Zola study of 500 engaged or newlywed couples showed that a whopping 71% of participants thought it was more nerve-wracking than other major life events, like finding a new job.
For some, the disagreements start as early as picking out the dress code. Others realize they’re dealing with a serious case of bridezilla: sometimes they’re nitpicking every detail and constantly changing things up, and other times it’s the lack of communication that makes planning barely survivable. No wonder couples often get into serious fights that make them reconsider whether they’re really making the right decision.
Here is the full incident the Indian teen shared on r/AITA to get advice on what to do in such a situation
Image credits: Creative_Personality
To find out what an expert has to say on this incident, Bored Panda reached out to Rhiann Janak, a professional wedding planner and CEO of Lucy Till French Weddings. “For me a bride is a normal person under extraordinary, once-in-a-lifetime circumstances. If the bride wants a certain dress code, black tie, summer chic, linen shirts, I don’t think it’s too much to ask for a dress code on the website or invitations,” Rhiann said.
She continued: “Ultimately, the guests should want to also make the dream wedding come true of the bride and the bride wants to make an exceptional guest experience by inviting them into a designed event.”
Having said that, the wedding planner said that she would advise the bride to let it go if “ if someone, due to personal or religious reasons, wishes to dress outside of the dress code, be it traditional garments or other.”
Rhiann added that “It’s a fight not worth the family politics. Everyone will always have eyes for the bride on the wedding and won’t focus on the select guests who didn’t follow the dress code.” For those wondering, this doesn’t apply to Crocs: “If somebody wants to wear Crocs to the wedding, that’s where I’d draw a MAJOR line,” she concluded.
And here is what people had to comment about the whole situation
Totally NTA. The bride has agreed to something she didn't really understand, by the sound of it; welp, she's an adult and responsible for her own choices. To the person that said 'her wedding, her rules', I wish someone would remind them that actually it's the groom's wedding too and his culture is just as important as hers!
I honestly feel bad for the groom. She goes to the teenagers home, sees such a beautiful dress and gets mad about it? And the she and her family harass the poor teenager? That sounds like a terrible family to marry into.
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Indian here. If she's upset by the cousin's attire, she should wait till her would b MIL and her friends show up in theirs. it's going to b a party of all the brightest and prettiest colors...red, fuchsia, orange, yellow. sarees, lehenga, salwar-patiyala suits and shararas. thankfully, in India, white is a sign of mourning and she can be sure that no one wearing traditional Indian wear will wear white. on that note, I do know someone, who got really frustrated and chose a white saree for her own wedding. she looked like an angel!
also, we love our weddings and it is very common to find at least one guest who outshines the bride 🤦♀️
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I think the groom should step in since this situation obviously needs moderation or a new wedding dress. If the bride was going for a more modest look I guess I understand why she is bewildered. If she bought a dress off the rack for say a 1000 while the rest of the family are obviously decked out... well... I would feel like sh1t, especially if my husband-to-be could have warned me.
NTA. And culturally illiterate to an extent the groom should find horribly concerning.
Has she never even seen an Indian wedding on Television? Indian wedding garb has to be some of the most beautiful clothing in the world. The OP can wear whatever clothing to appease the bride if she wants, but that whole side of the wedding is going to be brilliantly colored and bejeweled. Super disconcerting that the bride does not know this...
That bride will freak out when she sees what the rest of the Indian family will be wearing.
I'll never understand why a bride wouldn't want all of her friends and family to feel wonderful, and look beautiful and glamorous too. Everyone knows the day is about the couple, and whatever someone else wears wont take away from that. Why not encourage everyone to look their best and be happy!
I didn't know what typical weddings in America looked like until I was eight, and I was surprised how they dressed so bleakly. In Indian weddings, you wear bright, colorful saris and there are flowers everywhere, so it's really happy and the atmosphere is energetic. My mom's wedding, for example, lasted many hours and the women threw flowers on her. Compared to that, American weddings seem bleak and solemn.
In Western weddings you are not supposed to upstage the bride with your clothing. It's simply a cultural difference and should have been explained to this bride by her fiance that this is not the case for Indian weddings.
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The red flag here is that the woman knows so little about the customs of her soon to be husband's country. While this dress situation is a minor matter what of the serious issues that will surely arise later. Child raising matters and the like are bound to see cultural differences of opinion. If the simple dress issue causes so much anguish it promises to be a rocky marriage.
Absolutely NTA - I do not understand why people view their weddings as if it was a show, a performance... this whole concept of "I'm the star! You're out-shining me!" is disgusting to me. UNLESS the guest is trying to wear a full on wedding dress or wants to attend the ceremony in the nude... there is no reason to be policing what people will wear... WHO CARES!? It's not important! We've forgotten that a wedding is supposed to be two people celebrating their love and commitment to each other and SHARING the experience with their loved ones... all this bullshit of policing guests outfits and demanding expensive presents is absolutely insane to me.
NTA. Desi here. I don't like the flashy clothes (they itch) but I and others look great in them. You go, person, wear your damn lehenga!
Oh dear, the bride still has a lot to learn. But she will surely shine bright, as she will be the only one wearing white or anything approaching white (unless there are some guestzillas on her side). However the groom really does need to get her up to speed on what might occur at a "fusion" wedding
I would say NTA. Make sure bride gets pics of what other people on the Groom's side will wear, so she understands the situation, and make sure she is told that it is too late for new outfits - everyone has already invested in expensive tailored wedding attire, to show their respect for their cousin. Maybe someone in the Groom's family could offer the loan of a bridal sari as an alternative to her dress?
Good grief. My niece's husband is Indian and at their wedding there was a mix of dress and even some of the women on our side dressed in Indian outfits for part of the evening. No big deal.
Bangladeshi here. NTA. As the groom‘s relative, you get to show as much your culture as the bride‘s side shows theirs. And if a Person isn’t allowed to be dolled up on their brother’s wedding, they shouldn’t marry their brother into that family.
Does the bride not know anything about her groom's culture?
These Indian dresses are super pretty (not sure if $3.5k pretty) so this girl will not be the only one outshining the Disney princess white dress.
What is it with Bridezilla's?? Being surrounded by happy people who love you and want to celebrate you isn't enough? No matter what anyone else is wearing you are still the center of attention.
Honestly if someone isn't wearing white why would a bride be worried about someone's outfit. Idc what you wear no one cares. The bride is who everyone is focused on. A friends date said this to me at a wedding. She thought she was going to outshine the bride at a wedding we were attending. I had to hold in my laughter and try not to roll my eyes. I didn't even notice her dress. My maid of honor in my wedding wore a tight strapless white gown. She looked beautiful and I didn't worry one but she was going to take attention off of me. I was the one that picked her dress. It's all so silly
This style of wear should have been explained to the bride early on so that she could have adjusted her dress to be over the top. Now it's too late to make a change. But regardless of how it happened, you're NTA. She could have also done some research on traditional Indian wedding attire before she ordered her dress to make sure that she would be the center of attention. As for her family...they need to stay out of it. It's between the bride, the groom and the cousin.
Well, I read until she described the problems of getting a new one shipped due to the terrible corona situation in India, and then I stopped - cause it REALLY didn't seem very important anymore....
When I first started reading I was like yes YTA because of how gorgeous those outfits are and if she bought a "plain" wedding dress yes you will upstage, but then I kept reading and realized EVERYONE will be wearing those on your side, so nope NTA she's TA for not googling some s**t. Wear it and be beautiful. Hell I'm "white" and I want one of those outfits they're so gorgeous!
Wear the yellow. You will be inside the church before she is anyway. She will probably enter, see his relatives, and faint, so she will never notice you in your beautiful yellow outfit.
Sounds like the bride does not know enough about India (and her future husband). Even every day clothing is bright and colorful. She needs to get educated.
Why do people make such a thing out of dresses? I mean they spend a fortune ( if they can afford it or not) for a piece they wear once only? I dont get this. And what do they care what other people wear? I think (especially) American brides like the fact they can be important for once I their lifetime. Shouldn't a wedding be happy? A get together? And not a struggle over good, cake, decoration, clothing, venue???? I don't get this whole thing. And if it's important for the bride: she should or provide and pay for everything. Even her guests wardrobe. Easy. And yes I am married for 23 years... We didnt even think about wasting time or money on theses subjects... People. Get real!
This may sound a little odd, but try suggesting that you (cousin) and the bride sit down and watch the movie Bride and Prejudice. Show her just how colorful the clothes are. Then watch a few Bollywood films. It might help the bride to understand what to expect and also help her to calm down about how the groom's side of the wedding will look.
'obviously more expensive outfit' -> sounds like someone feels insecure about her own wedding. Maybe what her future CIL is going to wear for her wedding is the least of her concerns.
weddings and dress codes are overrated... that's on you, dear people of all cultures, if you didn't put in women's minds that wedding is the most special day of their lives you wouldn't have to deal with such s**t... me personally, I am repelled by wedding madness, I'm not gonna make a clown to anyone for a whole day... if one day it will be absolutely necessary to get married (I hope it won't) then I'm gonna sign the paper and that's it for me
I don't really know much about Indian weddings, but if the bride (NTA btw) is upset of the clothes, she will lose her mind when the groom rides in on an elephant... (pretty sure this is accurate for traditional Indian weeddings, although renting an elephant in the US may be rather tricky to do...) Edit: https://www.linandjirsa.com/baraat-indian-wedding-tradition/
Nobofy rides elephants in indian weddings. They ride horses or horsedrawn carages or nothing
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Definitely NTA! You should have the right to wear the beautiful outfit that your parents shipped to you from India! Especially if it cost so much! It's yellow, not white, and no matter how close the bride thinks it is to white, it's still yellow. So you should be able to wear it for literally one day! It'd be a big waste of money and a lovely outfit to not wear.
Agree bride is being unreasonable, so do get others to show what they're wearing, but ultimately its her wedding and now it's an issue she won't forget this. Could you find someone in your wider family or friends to lend you one in a different colour for the day? Or rent one?
Maybe teplace your dupatta with a less flashy one. Just buy on amazon in us its thr.
An ankle length skirt is akin to a strippers outfit??? Are you serious??
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The bride specified formal clothing, so that increases the chances of even the guests in Western clothing outshining her.
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Totally NTA. The bride has agreed to something she didn't really understand, by the sound of it; welp, she's an adult and responsible for her own choices. To the person that said 'her wedding, her rules', I wish someone would remind them that actually it's the groom's wedding too and his culture is just as important as hers!
I honestly feel bad for the groom. She goes to the teenagers home, sees such a beautiful dress and gets mad about it? And the she and her family harass the poor teenager? That sounds like a terrible family to marry into.
Load More Replies... Indian here. If she's upset by the cousin's attire, she should wait till her would b MIL and her friends show up in theirs. it's going to b a party of all the brightest and prettiest colors...red, fuchsia, orange, yellow. sarees, lehenga, salwar-patiyala suits and shararas. thankfully, in India, white is a sign of mourning and she can be sure that no one wearing traditional Indian wear will wear white. on that note, I do know someone, who got really frustrated and chose a white saree for her own wedding. she looked like an angel!
also, we love our weddings and it is very common to find at least one guest who outshines the bride 🤦♀️
Load More Replies... I think the groom should step in since this situation obviously needs moderation or a new wedding dress. If the bride was going for a more modest look I guess I understand why she is bewildered. If she bought a dress off the rack for say a 1000 while the rest of the family are obviously decked out... well... I would feel like sh1t, especially if my husband-to-be could have warned me.
NTA. And culturally illiterate to an extent the groom should find horribly concerning.
Has she never even seen an Indian wedding on Television? Indian wedding garb has to be some of the most beautiful clothing in the world. The OP can wear whatever clothing to appease the bride if she wants, but that whole side of the wedding is going to be brilliantly colored and bejeweled. Super disconcerting that the bride does not know this...
That bride will freak out when she sees what the rest of the Indian family will be wearing.
I'll never understand why a bride wouldn't want all of her friends and family to feel wonderful, and look beautiful and glamorous too. Everyone knows the day is about the couple, and whatever someone else wears wont take away from that. Why not encourage everyone to look their best and be happy!
I didn't know what typical weddings in America looked like until I was eight, and I was surprised how they dressed so bleakly. In Indian weddings, you wear bright, colorful saris and there are flowers everywhere, so it's really happy and the atmosphere is energetic. My mom's wedding, for example, lasted many hours and the women threw flowers on her. Compared to that, American weddings seem bleak and solemn.
In Western weddings you are not supposed to upstage the bride with your clothing. It's simply a cultural difference and should have been explained to this bride by her fiance that this is not the case for Indian weddings.
Load More Replies... The red flag here is that the woman knows so little about the customs of her soon to be husband's country. While this dress situation is a minor matter what of the serious issues that will surely arise later. Child raising matters and the like are bound to see cultural differences of opinion. If the simple dress issue causes so much anguish it promises to be a rocky marriage.
Absolutely NTA - I do not understand why people view their weddings as if it was a show, a performance... this whole concept of "I'm the star! You're out-shining me!" is disgusting to me. UNLESS the guest is trying to wear a full on wedding dress or wants to attend the ceremony in the nude... there is no reason to be policing what people will wear... WHO CARES!? It's not important! We've forgotten that a wedding is supposed to be two people celebrating their love and commitment to each other and SHARING the experience with their loved ones... all this bullshit of policing guests outfits and demanding expensive presents is absolutely insane to me.
NTA. Desi here. I don't like the flashy clothes (they itch) but I and others look great in them. You go, person, wear your damn lehenga!
Oh dear, the bride still has a lot to learn. But she will surely shine bright, as she will be the only one wearing white or anything approaching white (unless there are some guestzillas on her side). However the groom really does need to get her up to speed on what might occur at a "fusion" wedding
I would say NTA. Make sure bride gets pics of what other people on the Groom's side will wear, so she understands the situation, and make sure she is told that it is too late for new outfits - everyone has already invested in expensive tailored wedding attire, to show their respect for their cousin. Maybe someone in the Groom's family could offer the loan of a bridal sari as an alternative to her dress?
Good grief. My niece's husband is Indian and at their wedding there was a mix of dress and even some of the women on our side dressed in Indian outfits for part of the evening. No big deal.
Bangladeshi here. NTA. As the groom‘s relative, you get to show as much your culture as the bride‘s side shows theirs. And if a Person isn’t allowed to be dolled up on their brother’s wedding, they shouldn’t marry their brother into that family.
Does the bride not know anything about her groom's culture?
These Indian dresses are super pretty (not sure if $3.5k pretty) so this girl will not be the only one outshining the Disney princess white dress.
What is it with Bridezilla's?? Being surrounded by happy people who love you and want to celebrate you isn't enough? No matter what anyone else is wearing you are still the center of attention.
Honestly if someone isn't wearing white why would a bride be worried about someone's outfit. Idc what you wear no one cares. The bride is who everyone is focused on. A friends date said this to me at a wedding. She thought she was going to outshine the bride at a wedding we were attending. I had to hold in my laughter and try not to roll my eyes. I didn't even notice her dress. My maid of honor in my wedding wore a tight strapless white gown. She looked beautiful and I didn't worry one but she was going to take attention off of me. I was the one that picked her dress. It's all so silly
This style of wear should have been explained to the bride early on so that she could have adjusted her dress to be over the top. Now it's too late to make a change. But regardless of how it happened, you're NTA. She could have also done some research on traditional Indian wedding attire before she ordered her dress to make sure that she would be the center of attention. As for her family...they need to stay out of it. It's between the bride, the groom and the cousin.
Well, I read until she described the problems of getting a new one shipped due to the terrible corona situation in India, and then I stopped - cause it REALLY didn't seem very important anymore....
When I first started reading I was like yes YTA because of how gorgeous those outfits are and if she bought a "plain" wedding dress yes you will upstage, but then I kept reading and realized EVERYONE will be wearing those on your side, so nope NTA she's TA for not googling some s**t. Wear it and be beautiful. Hell I'm "white" and I want one of those outfits they're so gorgeous!
Wear the yellow. You will be inside the church before she is anyway. She will probably enter, see his relatives, and faint, so she will never notice you in your beautiful yellow outfit.
Sounds like the bride does not know enough about India (and her future husband). Even every day clothing is bright and colorful. She needs to get educated.
Why do people make such a thing out of dresses? I mean they spend a fortune ( if they can afford it or not) for a piece they wear once only? I dont get this. And what do they care what other people wear? I think (especially) American brides like the fact they can be important for once I their lifetime. Shouldn't a wedding be happy? A get together? And not a struggle over good, cake, decoration, clothing, venue???? I don't get this whole thing. And if it's important for the bride: she should or provide and pay for everything. Even her guests wardrobe. Easy. And yes I am married for 23 years... We didnt even think about wasting time or money on theses subjects... People. Get real!
This may sound a little odd, but try suggesting that you (cousin) and the bride sit down and watch the movie Bride and Prejudice. Show her just how colorful the clothes are. Then watch a few Bollywood films. It might help the bride to understand what to expect and also help her to calm down about how the groom's side of the wedding will look.
'obviously more expensive outfit' -> sounds like someone feels insecure about her own wedding. Maybe what her future CIL is going to wear for her wedding is the least of her concerns.
weddings and dress codes are overrated... that's on you, dear people of all cultures, if you didn't put in women's minds that wedding is the most special day of their lives you wouldn't have to deal with such s**t... me personally, I am repelled by wedding madness, I'm not gonna make a clown to anyone for a whole day... if one day it will be absolutely necessary to get married (I hope it won't) then I'm gonna sign the paper and that's it for me
I don't really know much about Indian weddings, but if the bride (NTA btw) is upset of the clothes, she will lose her mind when the groom rides in on an elephant... (pretty sure this is accurate for traditional Indian weeddings, although renting an elephant in the US may be rather tricky to do...) Edit: https://www.linandjirsa.com/baraat-indian-wedding-tradition/
Nobofy rides elephants in indian weddings. They ride horses or horsedrawn carages or nothing
Load More Replies... Definitely NTA! You should have the right to wear the beautiful outfit that your parents shipped to you from India! Especially if it cost so much! It's yellow, not white, and no matter how close the bride thinks it is to white, it's still yellow. So you should be able to wear it for literally one day! It'd be a big waste of money and a lovely outfit to not wear.
Agree bride is being unreasonable, so do get others to show what they're wearing, but ultimately its her wedding and now it's an issue she won't forget this. Could you find someone in your wider family or friends to lend you one in a different colour for the day? Or rent one?
Maybe teplace your dupatta with a less flashy one. Just buy on amazon in us its thr.
An ankle length skirt is akin to a strippers outfit??? Are you serious??
Load More Replies... The bride specified formal clothing, so that increases the chances of even the guests in Western clothing outshining her.
Load More Replies...
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