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"My Wife Is Slow": Man Guides Wife Through First Month Of Baby Care, Realizes He Can't Look Away
Few experiences change a couple’s life as significantly as the arrival of their first child. Suddenly, days are filled with diaper changes, late-night feedings, and sleep deprivation.
On r/TrueOffMyChest, a Reddit user known as Street-Level-7850 shared his struggles during this turbulent time, but they weren’t caused by the baby; rather, they stemmed from his wife’s difficulty caring for it.
The man’s post offers a raw glimpse into the challenges of figuring out parenthood together, showing how even spouses who love each other deeply can find themselves thrust into unexpected conflict.
RELATED:
This man enjoyed feeling smarter than his wife
Image credits: EmilyStock/Freepik (not the actual photo)
But after a month with their newborn, he found himself losing patience with her
Image credits: EyeEm/Freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Street-Level-7850
‘Mom brain’ is a real thing
Image credits: EyeEm/Freepik (not the actual photo)
“When I was pregnant with my first child, I thought pregnancy was a one-time, transient hormonal event, and that when [my daughter] was born, I would just go back to myself,” says Lucy Jones, a journalist and author of Matrescence: On the Metamorphosis of Pregnancy, Childbirth and Motherhood.
“But that’s just not what it is at all. It’s actually the most dramatic, seismic, endocrinological, and neurobiological experience you can have in adult life.”
According to her, it’s common knowledge that women undergo massive hormonal shifts on their way to becoming a mom, but there’s been a lack of research into new moms’ brains until very recently.
However, several groundbreaking neuroscience studies have been published in the past few years. One demonstrated that pregnancy leads to significant structural and functional changes in the brain, while another showed alterations to gray matter in certain areas of pregnant women’s brains.
With time, however, challenges can bring out the best in us
Image credits: Drazen Zigic/Freepik (not the actual photo)
During the early postpartum period, the learning curve is immense and as we just saw from the Reddit story, this phase can feel overwhelming. But one study suggests that if the cognitive challenges present during this time are continued across someone’s lifespan (meaning, they are actively parenting for many years), it can actually be beneficial for brain health later in life.
Study author Edwina Orchard, a postdoctoral research associate at the Yale Child Study Center at Yale University, says novelty and complexity, and cognitive challenge are very stimulating, and with another paper, Orchard has even shown that the more children someone has parented, the younger their brain looks—and that middle-aged parents actually have quicker response times and better visual memories than their childless counterparts.
And it’s not just humans going through it. In a study published in 2019, researchers discovered that female rodents got better at completing mazes after they weaned their pups, which supports the notion that, with time, mothers’ brains improve.
So, as difficult as it seems now, perhaps the dad should have more trust in his wife and the process?
People have had a lot of reactions to the story, with many saying it’s too soon to judge the wife
The author of the post responded to the comments, emphasizing that he truly loves his wife
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What do you think ?
Nils Skirnir 6 months ago
Two points. Wife may well be ‘low normal’ and it sure seems that way from some of the examples, but childbirth may well have exacerbated that. Second is OP has got to get a grip and figure out how to help her, including getting counseling and getting in-home help.
Trillian 6 months ago
It sounds like he even enjoyed the "oh my wife is cute but dumb" thing before and feeling superior, but now that she has to shoulder actual responsibilities it becomes a problem.
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FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago
OP needs to let her figure it out on her own. If she's always trying to copy him or do it his way, she's always going to fumble and never going to really feel confident. Let her figure it out. She needs more practice on changing diapers. That's ok. A badly placed diaper isn't great, but it isn't a crisis. Just a mess. OP sounds very exact in what he thinks is the right way, and he'll have confirmation bias if she does it another way and the baby cries etc. But there's hardly anything that just has one approach. Just let wife experiment and find her rhythm.
Tabitha 6 months ago (edited)
NOBODY knows how to take care of a baby until they have experience with it. Hell, even Einstein wouldn’t automatically know, ffs. OP needs to stop micromanaging her, for one thing. I have a Masters degree and graduated at the top of my class, but if someone is breathing down my neck and micromanaging me, it wrecks my confidence and makes me f**k up things I can normally do just fine, because they have me second guessing every move I make. If the6 start berating me on top of it, I completely shut down. Seems to me people who do that kind of nitpicky micromanaging think that the people they’re abusing—-and it is a***e—-will suddenly get angry at the treatment and do everything perfectly. Well yes, we are angry, but some of us are a lot more sensitive and that kind of treatment just cuts us like a knife and erodes our self-confidence down to nothing. We respond to positive reinforcement, not negative. OP sounds like one of those a*****e nitpicky micromanaging a******s, and he needs immediate attitude adjustment. If his wife has a good relationship with her parents, maybe they can come for a visit—-the second he starts in on his wife when they’re in earshot, believe me, one or both of them will set his arrogant a*s straight ASAP.
Load More Replies...
Shark Lady 6 months ago
I didn't feel confident in my ability to keep my baby alive until she was 4 months old. At one month there were times I couldn't even remember my own date of birth, I was bleeding, sleep deprived, barely had time to shower and even forgot to wash my hair when I did manage one.
Ravioli 2 months ago
I forgot to brush my teeth more times than I actually remembered the first few months
Load More Replies... Nils Skirnir 6 months ago
Two points. Wife may well be ‘low normal’ and it sure seems that way from some of the examples, but childbirth may well have exacerbated that. Second is OP has got to get a grip and figure out how to help her, including getting counseling and getting in-home help.
Trillian 6 months ago
It sounds like he even enjoyed the "oh my wife is cute but dumb" thing before and feeling superior, but now that she has to shoulder actual responsibilities it becomes a problem.
Load More Replies... FreeTheUnicorn 6 months ago
OP needs to let her figure it out on her own. If she's always trying to copy him or do it his way, she's always going to fumble and never going to really feel confident. Let her figure it out. She needs more practice on changing diapers. That's ok. A badly placed diaper isn't great, but it isn't a crisis. Just a mess. OP sounds very exact in what he thinks is the right way, and he'll have confirmation bias if she does it another way and the baby cries etc. But there's hardly anything that just has one approach. Just let wife experiment and find her rhythm.
Tabitha 6 months ago (edited)
NOBODY knows how to take care of a baby until they have experience with it. Hell, even Einstein wouldn’t automatically know, ffs. OP needs to stop micromanaging her, for one thing. I have a Masters degree and graduated at the top of my class, but if someone is breathing down my neck and micromanaging me, it wrecks my confidence and makes me f**k up things I can normally do just fine, because they have me second guessing every move I make. If the6 start berating me on top of it, I completely shut down. Seems to me people who do that kind of nitpicky micromanaging think that the people they’re abusing—-and it is a***e—-will suddenly get angry at the treatment and do everything perfectly. Well yes, we are angry, but some of us are a lot more sensitive and that kind of treatment just cuts us like a knife and erodes our self-confidence down to nothing. We respond to positive reinforcement, not negative. OP sounds like one of those a*****e nitpicky micromanaging a******s, and he needs immediate attitude adjustment. If his wife has a good relationship with her parents, maybe they can come for a visit—-the second he starts in on his wife when they’re in earshot, believe me, one or both of them will set his arrogant a*s straight ASAP.
Load More Replies... Shark Lady 6 months ago
I didn't feel confident in my ability to keep my baby alive until she was 4 months old. At one month there were times I couldn't even remember my own date of birth, I was bleeding, sleep deprived, barely had time to shower and even forgot to wash my hair when I did manage one.
Ravioli 2 months ago
I forgot to brush my teeth more times than I actually remembered the first few months
Load More Replies...
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