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Wife Doesn’t Want To Open Up Marriage, Husband Demands It, Regretting It Soon After
Wife Doesn’t Want To Open Up Marriage, Husband Demands It, Regretting It Soon After
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Wife Doesn’t Want To Open Up Marriage, Husband Demands It, Regretting It Soon After

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Creating a successful open relationship requires impeccable communication, trust, and clear boundaries. If at least one of these elements is missing, an attempt to do so might seriously damage the couple’s bond instead. A lesson that Reddit user Odd_Prize5434, unfortunately, knows all too well.

In a post on r/TrueOffMyChest, the woman explained that her partner had convinced her to open up their marriage but changed his mind after she started “seeing someone,” and left her feeling like she was responsible for the whole mess that they’d gotten themselves into.

RELATED:

    It’s difficult to navigate your relationship when you and your partner want different things

    Image credits: Kampus Production (not the actual photo)

    This woman tried to give her husband what he asked for, but that may have proved to be too much for them to handle

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    Image credits: nd3000 (not the actual photo)

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    After her post went viral, the woman clarified a few important things

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    Image credits: Odd_Prize5434

    In an open relationship, where expectations aren’t so straightforward, people need to be extra conscious about what they’re negotiating with their partner

    Image credits: Enq 1998 (not the actual photo)

    In recent years, non-monogamous arrangements have become increasingly mainstream. For example, about one in four adult Americans are interested in having an open relationship, according to a 2021 YouGov poll of 23,000 people.

    Avital Isaacs, a therapist at Manhattan Alternative Wellness Collective, thinks that in some cases, opening up a relationship can actually strengthen it.

    “In a monogamous relationship, there is a typified kind of foreclosure,” she said. “The relationship is defined by what you don’t do and it can feel like a real reduction of self. There is less that you are actively doing with your partner.”

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    Non-monogamy allows people to explore more experiences and can also help remind someone that their partner is desirable. “Seeing them go on dates with other people may inspire a sense of wanting to earn this person’s love and care,” Isaacs said. “For some people, that’s a big motivator, instead of taking each other for granted.”

    Clear and sincere communication is a cornerstone of every relationship. But in an open one, where expectations are even less clear, people need to be extra conscious about what they’re negotiating with their partner, something that Odd_Prize5434’s husband may have failed to understand.

    Image credits: Charlie Foster (not the actual photo)

    “When you’re in a monogamous relationship, you’re doing the framework provided for you based on our society and culture,” Isaacs continued. “We prioritize and understand romantic relationships to be exclusive. If you’re in an open relationship, our cultural structures and systems are not designed for you.”

    As we’ve seen in the Reddit story, that can put you in uncharted waters.

    When you’re bucking societal norms and creating a more unique dynamic between you and your partner, you have to be very specific about the parameters of your relationship.

    According to a study from 2020, people are just as happy in consensual non-monogamous relationships as they are in regular ones. However, it sounds like this particular couple may have not been ready for it.

    People have had a lot of strong reactions to the whole ordeal

    Later, the woman came back with an update

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Author, Senior Writer

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    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

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    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Rokas Laurinavičius

    Author, Senior Writer

    Rokas is a writer at Bored Panda with a BA in Communication. After working for a sculptor, he fell in love with visual storytelling and enjoys covering everything from TV shows (any Sopranos fans out there?) to photography. Throughout his years in Bored Panda, over 300 million people have read the posts he's written, which is probably more than he could count to.

    Vėja Elkimavičiūtė

    Vėja Elkimavičiūtė

    Author, Community member

    Read more »

    I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. Looking at pets and memes is the best part of my work. I love to travel and want to see the world. Still looking and exploring stuff I like and want to do so thats exciting... and sometimes not

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    Vėja Elkimavičiūtė

    Vėja Elkimavičiūtė

    Author, Community member

    I'm a visual editor at Bored Panda. Looking at pets and memes is the best part of my work. I love to travel and want to see the world. Still looking and exploring stuff I like and want to do so thats exciting... and sometimes not

    What do you think ?
    Elio
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think the poll here is asking the wrong question. Anyway, glad OP left her manipulative husband.

    Zoe Vokes
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve read multiple articles since the poll was introduced and often find that it’s asking the wrong question. Or is too black and white in the responses. “Is he right? Yes or no.” It’s more complicated than that.

    Load More Replies...
    Panda Kicki
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He calls the single woman Cindy "Town trash" whilst sleeping around with half the town against his wifes wishes. Bible belt man is really a piece of fermented hyena droppings.

    Natalia
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tbf, we don't actually know he was getting any action!

    Load More Replies...
    bbfa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband and I haven't been physical for 30 years. He has a a lot of health problems, never initiates, but we have a great relationship all this time, so I'm ok with it. One day, in his 70's, he suggested we open the relationship. I looked at him and said "You mean all these years I could have been getting laid?" He never mentioned it again.

    Evolbeky
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol. You sound like an amazing person who really loves their husband.

    Load More Replies...
    Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cindy is just a good human being in general. She found out another women was in a terrible situation with a crappy husband. Instead of finding her and going straight into "divorce your husband" she gently nudged her in the right direction while being insanely supportive the entire time. We all need a friend like Cindy.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He doesn’t want an open relationship, he wants to cheat on her out in the open with her not being able to make him feel like the bad guy. True open relationships are reciprocal.

    Kaykay
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He wanted the relationship to close for her, not for him. He wants her to stay at home waiting for him and have nobody to talk to when he goes out and does his "thing".

    Load More Replies...
    similarly
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm glad this woman is free ... but Cindy's lie seems really odd. Why couldn't Cindy have just told her the truth?

    Sonja
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't wonder if Cindy had a sister or mother or other relatives in such situations and already learned that if you confront them openly about what their partners are doing to them their first reaction is to defend their abusive partners and push the person warning them away. People like OP are raised to see themselves responsible for keeping the marriage intact. Everyone in their life has told them they can't leave the relationship and they have no support system besides the partner who mistreats them. They are very reluctant to trust others based on their negative experiences, and being open with them frightens them. You have to prove first that you care about them and will be there for them, then they realise how different it feels if someone truly cares, often for the first time. Then, just like here, they come to the right conclusion on their own and are then ready to leave, knowing you will be their safety net.

    Load More Replies...
    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There have been many articles like this. My fave was the woman who had literally *hundreds* of guys picking her to date + poor hubs had - maybe - 20, on 4 dating sites. When he demanded they " close their relationship, she laughed + divorced him. :)

    Ines Olabarria-Smith
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I don’t feel that open relationships are ok? Most of the stories I read or know don’t end well.

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it's because you never hear about the people just quietly doing their thing. Open relationships are not socially acceptable yet, not truly, so we don't exactly talk about it - sometimes even to close friends and relatives. What you *do* hear about is the ones that implode. Also, it's true that they're harder and extra true that they're not for everyone. Just hopefully you can understand that not everybody is the same and so the same relationship model isn't right for 100% of people. Some small percentage are happier deciding their own rules.

    Load More Replies...
    Mike F
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Boo freaking hoo! He got what he asked for now he no longer wants it. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

    Load More Comments
    Elio
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think the poll here is asking the wrong question. Anyway, glad OP left her manipulative husband.

    Zoe Vokes
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I’ve read multiple articles since the poll was introduced and often find that it’s asking the wrong question. Or is too black and white in the responses. “Is he right? Yes or no.” It’s more complicated than that.

    Load More Replies...
    Panda Kicki
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He calls the single woman Cindy "Town trash" whilst sleeping around with half the town against his wifes wishes. Bible belt man is really a piece of fermented hyena droppings.

    Natalia
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Tbf, we don't actually know he was getting any action!

    Load More Replies...
    bbfa
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    My husband and I haven't been physical for 30 years. He has a a lot of health problems, never initiates, but we have a great relationship all this time, so I'm ok with it. One day, in his 70's, he suggested we open the relationship. I looked at him and said "You mean all these years I could have been getting laid?" He never mentioned it again.

    Evolbeky
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Lol. You sound like an amazing person who really loves their husband.

    Load More Replies...
    Mrs. Ginger McSarcasm
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Cindy is just a good human being in general. She found out another women was in a terrible situation with a crappy husband. Instead of finding her and going straight into "divorce your husband" she gently nudged her in the right direction while being insanely supportive the entire time. We all need a friend like Cindy.

    The Starsong Princess
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He doesn’t want an open relationship, he wants to cheat on her out in the open with her not being able to make him feel like the bad guy. True open relationships are reciprocal.

    Kaykay
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    He wanted the relationship to close for her, not for him. He wants her to stay at home waiting for him and have nobody to talk to when he goes out and does his "thing".

    Load More Replies...
    similarly
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I'm glad this woman is free ... but Cindy's lie seems really odd. Why couldn't Cindy have just told her the truth?

    Sonja
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I wouldn't wonder if Cindy had a sister or mother or other relatives in such situations and already learned that if you confront them openly about what their partners are doing to them their first reaction is to defend their abusive partners and push the person warning them away. People like OP are raised to see themselves responsible for keeping the marriage intact. Everyone in their life has told them they can't leave the relationship and they have no support system besides the partner who mistreats them. They are very reluctant to trust others based on their negative experiences, and being open with them frightens them. You have to prove first that you care about them and will be there for them, then they realise how different it feels if someone truly cares, often for the first time. Then, just like here, they come to the right conclusion on their own and are then ready to leave, knowing you will be their safety net.

    Load More Replies...
    Janelle Collard
    Community Member
    Premium
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    There have been many articles like this. My fave was the woman who had literally *hundreds* of guys picking her to date + poor hubs had - maybe - 20, on 4 dating sites. When he demanded they " close their relationship, she laughed + divorced him. :)

    Ines Olabarria-Smith
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    What I don’t feel that open relationships are ok? Most of the stories I read or know don’t end well.

    Parmeisan
    Community Member
    1 year ago (edited) Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    I think it's because you never hear about the people just quietly doing their thing. Open relationships are not socially acceptable yet, not truly, so we don't exactly talk about it - sometimes even to close friends and relatives. What you *do* hear about is the ones that implode. Also, it's true that they're harder and extra true that they're not for everyone. Just hopefully you can understand that not everybody is the same and so the same relationship model isn't right for 100% of people. Some small percentage are happier deciding their own rules.

    Load More Replies...
    Mike F
    Community Member
    1 year ago Created by potrace 1.15, written by Peter Selinger 2001-2017

    Boo freaking hoo! He got what he asked for now he no longer wants it. Be careful what you wish for, you just might get it.

    Load More Comments
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