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It’s normal for married couples to have the occasional big fights about major decisions. And if they have a healthy relationship, they will be able to resolve their issues through an honest and thorough conversation.
That wasn’t the case with this husband and wife. The woman expressed her desire to have cosmetic surgery, which her spouse wasn’t on board with. But instead of discussing things, the man went for another drastic option: divorce.
The woman, however, remains dead set on having the procedure done, even if it means putting her marriage in jeopardy.
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A woman’s desire to have cosmetic surgery has put her marriage in jeopardy
Image credits: dvatri / Envato (not the actual photo)
According to her, her husband tried to talk her out of it at first, then proceeded to threaten to leave
Image credits: gpointstudio / Envato (not the actual photo)
She remains adamant in going through the procedure, which didn’t sit well with her spouse
Image credits: Salt_Leg_7235
There is a thin line between being a caring and controlling partner
According to the wife, her husband’s reason for not allowing the surgery was that he thought she looked “perfect” already. However, their conversation eventually shifted to him threatening to leave her if she went through with the procedure.
Many people tend to blur the lines between their significant other showing care and actually controlling them. According to veteran clinical psychologist Dr. Leon Seltzer, controlling partners tend to fool themselves into believing that they care, but their actions show otherwise.
“In regularly correcting their partner or telling them what to do, they see themselves as ‘taking care’ of them,” Dr. Seltzer wrote. “But what they most often communicate to the recipient/victim of their supposedly benign intentions is control, control, control.”
Dr. Seltzer notes that manipulative behaviors are typically a product of a person’s insecurities and self-doubts. They feel the need to securely attach themselves to their partner out of fear that the other person may leave them.
“Too many of their behaviors toward their partner wind up being far less about bonding or caring than about binding,” he added.
In the story’s case, the woman is suddenly on the brink of having her marriage fall apart, all because of her desire to undergo cosmetic surgery. She has also begun to feel more insecure and devastated by how her husband can easily walk away from her.
In such instances, Dr. Seltzer encourages individuals to stand up for themselves. That includes refusing to agree to requests and demands that don’t feel right. At the end of the day, you know what is good for you.
Meanwhile, licensed marriage and family therapist Nicole Arzt, LMFT, says emotional manipulation can only spiral into other forms. According to her, controlling behavior is a good enough reason to leave the relationship.
While it may seem like the woman chose her surgery over keeping the marriage, having a spouse who coerces you into doing what he wants isn’t healthy either. Their marriage may have been doomed the moment he threatened divorce, and it could be for the best.
The woman provided a few more details
Most commenters sided with her, as some shared similar experiences
Image credits: chartchaik1 / Envato (not the actual photo)
The woman shared new developments in her story
Image credits: jm_video / Envato (not the actual photo)
She clarified that her surgery is purely cosmetic, which may have been what her husband had an issue with
Image credits: Salt_Leg_7235
She also answered a few more questions
Commenters were unforgiving with their reactions, as most of them continued to criticize the husband
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What do you think ?
Jo Firth 6 months ago
All the usual YTAs. She isn't choosing divorce, he is. He's said he can't be with her physically if she has a breast reduction, so he's choosing his preference over hers which includes not having a complete marriage. Dump him and move on, there is nothing to feel bad about here.
Ellen Townsend 6 months ago
Someone who has known since age 15 that she wants this should just get it done. My mother had beast reduction surgery in her 50s and was so grateful for how much better she felt, as well as it improved her acid reflux.
Jo Firth 6 months ago
All the usual YTAs. She isn't choosing divorce, he is. He's said he can't be with her physically if she has a breast reduction, so he's choosing his preference over hers which includes not having a complete marriage. Dump him and move on, there is nothing to feel bad about here.
Ellen Townsend 6 months ago
Someone who has known since age 15 that she wants this should just get it done. My mother had beast reduction surgery in her 50s and was so grateful for how much better she felt, as well as it improved her acid reflux.
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