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Husband Is Annoyed With Wife Keeping Secrets About Her Job And Having Free Time, Tells Her To Find Another One
There’s this outdated stereotype that believes in men being breadwinners. But in the increasingly progressing and empowering society where gender equality is seen as one of the greatest values, this is becoming a thing of the past.
Yet, this research from the University of Bath showed that husbands are least stressed when their wives earn up to 40% of household income, but they become increasingly uncomfortable as their spouse’s wages rise beyond that point and are most stressed when they are entirely economically dependent on their partner. In other words, they are not happy if their female partner is making more than them.
This story from the AITA subreddit is basically this theory put into practice. “While I find myself struggling with money and having to have to borrow from the joint bank account, my wife never has this problem,” an anonymous husband who goes by the handle TAwifework35 wrote recently.
Turns out, what makes him frustrated in particular is how he gets back to work only to see his wife “chilling (watching TV, playing video games, reading or exercising) or shopping or in the gym.” Fed up with her “wasting her day,” he confronted her with a demand that people say is simply delusional.
RELATED:
Recently, a frustrated man has shared how he got fed up with his well-earning wife who has way more down time and told her to get another job
Image credits: Mikhail Nilov (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Priscilla Du Preez (not the actual photo)
“Studies have shown that when their wives earn more, some men can get more stressed or anxious,” Jane Parker, a relationship coach, told Bored Panda. “They are happy for their wives to contribute financially (this relieves stress), but some men start to feel anxious or insecure when their wives contribute over 40% of the household income.”
Parker believes that it is becoming more common for women to earn more: “Currently, 30% of women earn more in the U.S,” she said. “It’s less common for men to get upset about it as many men are proud of their wives being successful and realize that supporting and being proud of their wife’s career is part of being a team within a healthy marriage.”
According to the relationship coach, the traditional roles for men and women have changed dramatically but the expectations of more earning power can remain for some men.” This can affect their feelings of worth within the relationship and they can struggle to see their role and contribution.”
Moreover, “If a man believes he ‘should’ be earning more than his wife, or he is under peer pressure to do so, then this can affect the marriage, how he feels about himself and how he relates to his wife,” Parker concluded.
Many people said that the author is not right in the situation and they rather supported his wife
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KombatBunni 3 years ago
Agreed! If this was my partner I’d tell him to man up and quit bitching. Or leave until his brain starts working again. What a jerk.
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Aline Cahill 3 years ago
I think she should tell him to find himself a job for Saturday and Sunday then. What does he do those days when she's not around?
Zol 3 years ago
How wonderful that he put that on the internet . I'm not perfect but these stories are a lovely boost to know that I'm far from the most moronic person on earth .
MiriPanda 3 years ago
"My parents agree with me" - I wonder if his parents know that it is their daughter in law who pays the bulk of the bills...
Shauna Voigt 3 years ago
I wondered this myself. You know he wasn't completely honest with them.
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Ryan-James O'Driscoll 3 years ago
"I hate my job so I'm going to punish my wife for hers" is a massively screwed up mindset. Is it understandable to have feelings of envy in that situation? Yes. Absolutely. But why does she need to make herself miserable just because he is?
Faramir10 3 years ago
He needs to go to school/vo-tech and learn a skill. Plumbers, electricians, barbers, hair stylists, etc are always in demand and make good money.
Sandy D 3 years ago
He seems to prefer whining and sniveling over solving his problems
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OffKeySinger 3 years ago
She needs to toss him back into the sea...plenty of other more less selfish and jealous fish out there
Sandy D 3 years ago
The hubby is a jealous douche. She already makes enough money, more than him, and she works. Why the hell should she work more. He thinking she doesn't deserve to relax or ever have fun. If he's so jealous, he should get another job. Then he'll have more money and he'll be at work all the time and won't see her relaxing, which bothers him due to his insecurity and immaturity. She should dump him asap and maybe find a grown up man instead of the man-baby she's with now
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
YTA, big time. Get TF over yourself, dude. She works the entire weekend—-when YOU are off. Do YOU do chores? You don’t mention if she’s on call 24 hours for the entire weekend or not, but it sounds like her work week is squeezed into a mere three days. Working like that means you need at least one full day to catch up on your sleep. Also, if she has a confidentiality contract—-which almost sounds like a security clearance, so she may work for the Feds—-then she truly CAN’T talk about her work, and will risk losing this great paying job if she does. If she’s cleaning and ordering groceries for BOTH of you on her days off, then she’s not just laying around doing nothing. Is it the fact that you’re only doing a 60-40 split for the expenses and you’re struggling to come up with that amount because you get paid so little? Then ask her if she can take on a higher percentage until you find a better paying, and hopefully less stressful, job. The fact that members of your own family is telling you you’re being an a*****e should be your “ah-hah” moment for you to wake up to yourself, quit being competitive, and pissed off at losing. Remember, this lovely, accomplished, and successful woman chooses to be with YOU, regardless of the fact that you’re a low paid whining man-baby, so put on your big boy pants, suck it up, appreciate her, and update your resume—-maybe take some classes to increase your jobworthiness—-and STFU!
Ladytron 3 years ago
Omfg. That is beyond stupid. It's not a competition. He says she does her part of housework including meals. And they don't seem to have kids. What is the issue? She should suffer just because he does? The only thing that's off is that she won't tell how much she makes, for me that is natural to share with your partner but from what I can tell of his attitude I guess she has her reasons... and that she doesn't say exactly what she does... maybe she has a contract that requires her to not share specifics? He just sounds like a jealous guy. Get over yourself. This is the dream and goal of having a higher education - it's an investment for having a more comfortable life in the future.
F C 3 years ago
Yes she should suffer because he does. That's exactly rhe mentality people like this have
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Phil Vaive 3 years ago
UGH! People who want others to feel worse because they can't improve their own lives are the absolute worst.
Damon Morris 3 years ago
RED FLAG!! RED FLAG!! RED FLAG!! SGE NEEDS TO RUN GET OUT!!! Anyone who would want thier lover to suffer so its "fair" is a selfish scumbag p.o.s period.
Bella10 3 years ago
I quit a job that was high paying but 60 hours a week to do a job that is 30 hours per week. I have a lot of free time and my husband, who works a standard week, is nothing but supportive. It’s crazy to me that the OP doesn’t want his wife happy and fulfilled both at work and home. Society has a lot to answer for, thinking we must work 5 days a week. Yes, I know monetary pressure is a real thing, but you can be just as productive working 3-4 days as 5.
Gabriela Cink 3 years ago
Lol. My husband is a contractor and durring lockdowns had no work. He was chilling for days and I was glad he could have more free time. Except he made me coffee in the morning, we kept house chores in the same manner. YTA and you should find better job if current one is draining you. She is taking care of you and you call it wasting time :D. Accurate.
Iifa A. 3 years ago
Oh damn. Just no. Where can I get wife's contact details. She needs to read this, contact lawyer, protect her assets just in case. The man is unstable. Op is YTA. Maybe he didn't study, have any high demand skills, but to do this to your own wife is disrespectful. At this point he should quit his job, ask wife for allowance and study something new, clean, cook and do house chores, and the wife still would have enough money to buy herself a therapist. Delusional husband. If it bothers you, You need to change or just leave. You never bring partners success down due to being a wimp yourself. Disgusting. If my partner would say that to me, I would rub my degrees up his face and walk away with all the belongings I paid for and leave him baked, hungry and truly broke. You're meant to share the life and support each other, you're not competing who is more tired, money or bad time. Husband is clearly testing water of becoming abusive controlling lunatic.
Tatjana P 3 years ago
These people are not married - in the real sense. They are not sharing anything at all except space and time. Marriage is about saying ‘we are together for better or worse and that includes being open about jobs and sharing money and care with a fair outlook. Neither of them is being a true partner to the other.
propgamer XL 3 years ago
Yes. It's more living like roommates. My mom got 75 a month in the 50s. She took care of my dad. They could hardly eat. Both 18. He studied and then he got a good job and got rich and she didn't have to work anymore. Later she took a part time job. Mine is yours and yours is mine.
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Moezzzz 3 years ago
I mean, wow..... I have a decent job; doesn't pay nearly what I used to make in the hospital, but I work from home & have 1/3 of the expenses now, so it actually evens. My husband works tues thru Fri. Off 3 days. He also gets every major holiday off (& if that happens to be a Sat or Sun, he gets an extra day off). He's a civilian contractor for the government. Makes good money, so he pays the majority of our bills & I pay groceries, entertainment stuff & other small bills, but I do PayPal him several hundred dollars a month so he has extra money to get stuff he wants, too. He'll joke with me about how I've "got it made", but when I mentioned going back to clinic work, he was the first one to tell me to really think about it- yes, it would be more money, but I couldn't wear pjs to work, I'd have to get up an hour or more before just to get ready & drive there, & I have back issues. Is it worth all that for extra money? That's what a good partnership does- we want the best for each other
Chris berkley 3 years ago
Wtf is this guys problem, my husband and I have a similar situation, I sell things online while he is a manager at a restuarant, so I may not have a normal "job" it's enough that I contribute to the Bill's and I do most of the housework and cooking because he works 70+ hours a week and we have made that work for years, he jokes that he is jealous but again it's legit joking, he would never act like this ahole, maybe instead of trying to make his wife get another job he should try to better himself....
F C 3 years ago
Similar situation here. He works mostly nights and I in the day. Yes its sad we don't get sexy time or do activities together during the day but I'm not going to ask him to stay awake 24 hours or aacrifice his free time to be with me. If you want to be with some one you want them to be happy as well
Load More Replies... Linny Campbell 3 years ago
When you truly love someone you are happy when they are happy. She is not harming anyone or hindering you. I wonder how much you love her, truly. Yes, there are ups and downs in a relationship but to actually want to bring her down? Coming from experience, a HUGE red flag and if I were her I would be getting out.
F C 3 years ago
Married at 20 years old.. I smell family or religious pressure. Married for all the wrong reasons
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Jose Carlo 3 years ago
I can see where she is coming from on WHY she does not explain her job. Put it this way, I'll tell you what I do but I'll have to kill you. Yes, I signed a confidentiality agreement with this MASSIVE corporation I work for - and ANYTHING I create or invent automatically belongs to them!
Anyone-for-tea? 3 years ago
But what kinds of job would only need her to work weekends like that? I would like that sort of job!
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Zoe Duddle 3 years ago
His sole argument seems to be ‘I’m tired all the time and I wish my wife was tired all the time too’. Where I do have some sympathy is that she won’t tell him how much she earns… that’s a bit weird for a married couple. Rather than trying to make her more tired and unhappy he should be focusing on making himself happier, either by getting a better job (the ideal) or finding out if she makes enough for him to drop his hours slightly. That may be a bit unfair as she is already spending more than him but if she makes LOADS (he has no idea atm) then there’s no real reason that he has to be tired all the time if they can afford for him to work slightly less and them to have more time together.
removebeforeflight 3 years ago
Oh my god, what is IT??? I am working at the same company as my partner, and we have the same positions. But somehow his schedule is always way more disruptive than mine (I am telling "somehow" because we do not choose how many hours or which days we are working, this is all on the schedule planners and we have no influence on how our schedule will be planned). And when I am moaning and sobbing about being bored home and that I want to take some additional duties on my OFFs (probably swap with the other colleagues of mine), he is ALWAYS against it and telling me, that he doesn't want me to work same hours as he works and getting as tired as he is. He is offering me to do something else to relax and use my rest days profitably - go to the swimming pool, go to the gym, go for a walk etc. I have never been in such healthy and comfortable relationships previously. Feel so bad for a wife of OP. But it is so nice she has a job she is enjoying
Bobby 3 years ago
The only point he made that I can even side with him (conditionally) is the 60/40 split on expenses. If you don't know what your partner makes then it is hard to say if that is a fair ratio
Chay 3 years ago
He pays 40% not even the 60%. He's struggling while she buys him food and cleans and does everything she needs at home for him, he obvs needs a better job lmao that's not her problem.
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General Anaesthesia 3 years ago
She sounds like an intelligent, accomplished woman. It makes one wonder what she's doing with him.
El Dee 3 years ago
'Crab-bucket mentality' The crabs in the bucket see one escaping and pull it back down, as a consequence none escape the bucket. He sees her lifestyle and it is good. He doesn't have it so instead of doing something to improve HIS life he wants her to make hers WORSE. Sadly this way of thinking is all too common..
Mad McQueen 3 years ago
So if he was I. Her shoes and only worked the weekends and made good cash an had the week to himself wouldn't he be pusses if she told him, "hey you need a second job? I don't make enough at mine so if you did that you could give me that money to spend so I wouldn't have to dip into our joint account when I'm short some weeks." Nope. He should be happy for her and maybe ask how he could get into that kind of work. Classes, job style to apply for, etc. he makes less than half of their income? He needs a reality check on how two people are a team regardless of the split. She's living her best life. Let her enjoy her hard work to get where she's comfortable.
Dana Detrick 3 years ago
The only thing she needs to do while he's at work that's different than what she's doing is visit a divorce attorney. If this guy is actually so toxic that his only recourse for relief is to make her as miserable as he is, she's better off cutting her losses and enjoying what seems like a great life otherwise.
Gregg Long 3 years ago
Not sure I believe this. Who has a "confidential" job that requires you to be away from home on the weekend that isn't somehow sex work? And she can't even tell you what it involves? Sounds more like she is sugaring if you ask me.
Susan Betz 3 years ago
Personal assistant to somebody wealthy or famous. It's a thing.
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Johan Barnhoorn 3 years ago
What a a*****e, I can understand why he is jalous but let that be a trigger to find another job yourself, to do better. His wife is working smarter not harder and pays most of the bills, she deserves the time off.
zububonsai 3 years ago
There are some mean, insecure people out there, just wow😵💫. This "man" makes me shudder. Why did she agree to marry him in the first place? It's similar to us : I'm a freelancer, work little and flexible hours that pay a lot (at the moment: 2 full days a week plus 0-3 days if I want to, so I have a lot of time for child care& volunteering.... My partner works at a "traditional" 40hrs job in a chemical plant, comes home 5times a week at the late afternoon more or less exhausted... But he n e v e r would ask me such an odd question.) We have a 50:50 situation.
Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
I am very grateful that I've been able to go to school, work as a graduate assistant, and now have a full time weekday job that allows weekends off. My husband is not so lucky being a coach, managing a business and coaching teams/classes into the evenings. I sometimes feel guilty for getting to go home at 5 and even sneak in a quick ten minute nap after an exhausting day. I'll admit this and he says, "Why do you feel bad? If you're tired, rest. No point in both of us being exhausted." Complete opposite of this guy. Seriously, if her job is paying for most of the money needs, then it sounds like a "his job" issue, not hers.
Susan Betz 3 years ago
I have a daughter that works in a hospital, two twelves on Saturday and Sunday, one 8 hour shift midweek and on call one day per week. She loves the hours. She loves having 3-4 days off per week. Some people enjoy this kind of schedule. Her days off are days *off*, not days to fill up with more work. What is wrong with the OP that he doesn't understand how long work hours need long de-stress hours? Also all the little chores that come with living - these can eat up a full day "off". He needs a huge reality check, but I think he got one lol.
Pete from Cali. USA 3 years ago
Why can't this guy just be happy for her? "If I have to suffer, then you should too " it's basically what he's saying and it says a lot about him. Maybe he should be the one to find a new job that has less stress and better hours?
Casey McAlister 3 years ago
Oh, just say you are jealous. Your wife makes more money than you and also has a free time to chill, what a nightmare. Why would she possibly need to find another job if she doesn't struggle with money? Maybe it's you the one who should find a better-paying job which helps you to stop being such an insecure envious jerk.
Jos Tiguidou 3 years ago
God dammit why are people this stupid and selfish? This dude is 100% the god damn a*****e. 4 years they've been married and 4 years he's been toiling in some s**t job he hates? This is why people shouldn't get married before their 30's. Seriously.
Mark Glickman 3 years ago
This guy is so firmly in the YTA territory he might as well put himself forward for statehood!
Stoopham McFernybabes 3 years ago
The wife should ask him to get a weekend job, seeing as she’s getting home on a Sunday evening while he’s been lazing about all weekend (as have, probably, most of her family and friends. That job has to be a killer for every having a social life).
Shauna Voigt 3 years ago
Why do his parents think she needs to work? She does work and makes more than him.
Amy Pontious 3 years ago
He is Definitely 100% the A*****E, why don't you go get a job that you enjoy! And if you were my husband and u said to me what you said to your wife. I would have told you to F***koff, and you have no right to tell me to quit my job! Quite acting like a little boy and grow a pair!
Diphylleia Grayi 3 years ago (edited)
What the F***k dude? I am 100000% he wouldn't be happy if it was vice versa. Plus, he said she take care of house chores, which is a job too 😠😤
Solidhog 3 years ago
I have to admit that I was very surprised by the majority of the comments. It turns out my wife and me and our families appear to be the weird ones! We always thought marriage was a partnership and union where everything was shared. The good times, the bad times, the chores, the money and stuff about work. Our bank accounts are shared and we talk about our jobs to each other even though there is sensitive information in both cases because we both know the other would not say anything outside the house. I really can't see why other than working for a government secret agency she would not tell him about what she does. But then I have to question why he did not question any of this before they got married.
Happy_Pandalover 3 years ago
Perfect, she already pays the bigger part of their bills. Why would she have to work more? So she can pay 100% and he can quit his job? He just sounds childish snd jealous.
Thomas E S Thomas 3 years ago
Isn't it obvious? She's a specialized attaché to the US Space Force working on Deep Space Telemetry at a facility in Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado.
Jasperina Witty 3 years ago
Not only is he the @sshole he is pathetic. How dare he?!?!?!? Typical man audacity
Mora Chilis 3 years ago
She needs to toss him out with the garbage then next time she cleans. She doesn't need to raise a man-child.
OhForSmegSake 3 years ago
I say she should get a second job, just a few hours on a couple of days a week. Don't tell him about it and keep 100% of the money from it in a secret bank account. Then when she's saved up enough, leave his whiney man-child a**e
Kątem Oka 3 years ago
I stopped after "I'm 26 and married since 22" - dear god, these are children.
Alison Hell 3 years ago
She needs to tell him what her job is...what is she, CIA? sounds fishy to me....gone all weekend and cant tell her husband....hmmmmm
Dog Mom 3 years ago
I understand what he means. I have friends and family that have better jobs than me and when I see them taking time off and doing fun things or just relaxing, I get jealous sometimes. I want that too. But he's totally wrong, because taking away what she has won't make his life better. Only make her more miserable like him. Not good.
Dre Mosley 3 years ago
YTA. You come across resentful and jealous. She is more educated, makes more money, and pays most of the bills. She can do whatever she damn well pleases when she's not working. She doesn't need another job.
Tempest Waters 1 year ago
I’m still blinking. What a petulant little manbaby you are! I’m guessing she’s going to outgrow you, if she hasn’t already.
Melissa anderson 1 year ago
She pays the majority of the bills, not him. He’s just a jealous AH because she’s making more money than him with doing less work.
Ken Schroeder 1 year ago
Dude, if you think she's having an affair, then ask. That's the only logical explanation for your whining.
Jim Robertson 1 year ago
I worked 4 12hr shifts then had 4 days off. friends used to say I only worked part time as I was off so much. they did not realise I worked 48 hr a week while they only worked 40.
Sarah Léon 1 year ago
She makes more money than him, do the chores and pay more than him on the house, and he wants her to work more just so he is not the only one who is tired at the end of the day ? She should dump him. She would have even more money to spare on her shopping !
Paulo Leitao 1 year ago
still weird that she would keep that many secrets about what she does.
Collette Moisan 3 years ago
I find it very interesting and disturbing that she can not tell you what she does for a living. Especially if she only works weekends. Have you followed her to see what she is really doing? Sounds very fishy to me.
Vivienne L'Or 3 years ago
Why doesnt he go to uni and get himself a career that pays better? Surely he can afford a couple of years off while he studies. It will pay divs in the long run.
Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 3 years ago
I seriously hope this is a poe post, because he's going to find himself with no wife soon.
Funhog 3 years ago
A message to the wife of the OP: This guy doesn't wish the absolute best for you. He is miserable and wishes for you to be miserable, as well. He has also admitted that he knows better than you re: how you should spend your own time and he insults your choices by calling it "wasting your day". I hope that you soon realize that the only time you are wasting is any time spent with this loser.
Abner_Mality 3 years ago
Wow, there's enough red flags in this one to make a large quilt! Looking past the job/time question of the OP, most housemates know more about each other. You're married but have no idea what your spouse does (they can tell you in general without details), no idea what your combined finances are, your schedules are completely out of sync (minor issue) but there is no caring by the one who's off of the one who's working, and a "I'm living my life..." not our life attitude. Sounds horrible, time for some relationship counseling!
Will I Will-Ham 3 years ago
So op is jealous about the better job wify got and demands her to feel as bad as he does? So stupid. Interresting would be who brought up the "100% no sexworker i promise"? If it was him toss that a*****e who only thinks that women can only make money if they sell their body. If it was she maybe her job is not that presentable to a partner...
Supermyah11 3 years ago
Is he insecure abt not exactly knowing what his wife does? But I also think he's wrong
MidnightProphecy 3 years ago
What the hell has it got to do with him what she does in her free time it's not like she's barely making anything to contribute she pays more! I'd be furious too YTA if you're jealous go work for something better for yourself too!!!
Dee Pierce 1 year ago
I got married at 19 and he was 22. When I was 30 and he was 33 he decided he probably was going to die young. (He was a naval officer and flyer.) Thus he didn't want to be tied down to one woman. Three years later he decided to remarry. I'm now age 72 and he is 75 so he obviously did not die young. I've seen photos and he always looks unhappy and unhealthy. Versus I am fully enjoying my life and living in a beautiful place with a comfortable income. So it has all worked out as it should.
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Lara Verne 3 years ago
YTA. Wife has good salary and job she likes, pay most of bills, and he feels insecure because of that.
Never Stop Learning 3 years ago
I appreciate all of you that responded with some really great reasons. It made me think that the gender bias in employment is actually vastly changing.
Never Stop Learning 3 years ago
I'm going to throw this hat in the ring just to see what pops up. So, what would the reactions be if the genders were switched. Husband works all weekend, makes bank but won't tell you what he does, or any hint of location of employment. Then wife has low paying job that depends on tips and lots of hours and you both don't have quality time with each other. And what happens when you throw a kiddo into the mix?!! Don't thrash me but actually give it a thought and give me your opinion. Thank you.
Cashme Outside 3 years ago (edited)
Literally the exact same situation. The person thats butthurt is the one with the problem, not the one doing well and making the lions share of the money, not complaining, and being thoughtful. Its much easier to find a job that makes a little over minimum wage that will allow you to work the same days as her job, which is much higher paying AND is something she actually likes. Hes got a good deal going and if he doesnt quit with his way of thinking, shes gonna realize where the real cards in the relationship are held, and she’ll replace him. Shes the one who is content, shes the one who is relaxed, shes the one who has the great work-life balance. Hes the one who gets butthurt seeing her happy, and doesnt think she should be allowed to have free time. If hes not careful she might just find someone who IS happy for her and spend that free time with them. If the genders were reversed, it would be the exact same scenario. The partner is the one who has it together, not the OP.
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blatherskitenoir 3 years ago
If they had kids and he had to handle all weekend and holiday childcare solo, he'd have a leg to stand on to request a job change. I think their main issue is that they are more like roommates than married life partners. He views using joint money as "borrowing", and it's odd she only includes him on food if he's home when she orders. Presumably, he comes home and eats every day. Additionally, there is the big, massive secret of wtf her job actually involves. Neither is being mindful of the other, nor including the other in the ins and outs of their life. So they're stuck in this frustrating, awkward state of being roommates but not roommates, causing resentment and confusion.
Jerome will 3 years ago
YTA. I'm red pill and I believe in conservative marriage. You're emasculated because she makes more money or you were never the leader in relationship to begin with. If she still has time be a wife and possibly a mother what's the issue.
Potato 3 years ago
Oof, in a partnership neither should be "leader." Ugh.
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Melinda Farkas 3 years ago
Why... Does the dude... Not quit his job...and starts doing something less tiering...since the lady can afford the Household herself????
mm65851 3 years ago
Somethings way off here. Do they not file joint taxes where he sees her employer, income, etc.? Does she not communicate at all when she's away, so he could at least see location, etc. NO clue after four years??? Please. I think she has a sugar daddy and spends weekends with him.
Potato 3 years ago
She works for a client, meaning that the client's projects aren't the LLC or Corp that's on her w2. Like if I'm a real estate agent, my broker is listed on my taxes and not the seller/buyer name. The location may be part of the no disclosure agreement, so if your trust issues are that severe then you shouldn't be in the relationship.
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Hubert Martin 3 years ago
It's very weird she won't tell him what she does. That whole contact story is cool for friends, but it's a marriage... I don't think it's right. Why would you make your partner feel less than a job? Even if you say he should not feel like that, it's strange to dangle a marriage on a thin thread of assumption like that. Their contract to themselves is more important than a job contract. OP needs to be more thankful for what he has and needs to improve his own situation, but wife needs to start thinking of the partnership and not just her own comfort level. I try to push my wife to do more as well, but only because she complains of filling her free time rather than using it effectively. We both have full-time jobs with me regularly working 10-16 hrs overtime. I come home and write books and poetry while also trying to get into resin crafts to help the wife come up with her own side project. I think communication is extremely important. You two need to find out your collective goals.
Bored Turtle Princess 3 years ago
His wife is paying 60% of the expenses, and he pays 40% . It was mentioned.
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ί𝔫ＣίŦᵃт𝐔𝐬 3 years ago
Your situation is not close to being a direct correlation to this one. She makes more and works less, your wife made less and also worked less. It's very easy to see how your situation puts all the burden on you. This post in no way reflects that.
Load More Replies... KombatBunni 3 years ago
Agreed! If this was my partner I’d tell him to man up and quit bitching. Or leave until his brain starts working again. What a jerk.
Load More Replies... Aline Cahill 3 years ago
I think she should tell him to find himself a job for Saturday and Sunday then. What does he do those days when she's not around?
Zol 3 years ago
How wonderful that he put that on the internet . I'm not perfect but these stories are a lovely boost to know that I'm far from the most moronic person on earth .
MiriPanda 3 years ago
"My parents agree with me" - I wonder if his parents know that it is their daughter in law who pays the bulk of the bills...
Shauna Voigt 3 years ago
I wondered this myself. You know he wasn't completely honest with them.
Load More Replies... Ryan-James O'Driscoll 3 years ago
"I hate my job so I'm going to punish my wife for hers" is a massively screwed up mindset. Is it understandable to have feelings of envy in that situation? Yes. Absolutely. But why does she need to make herself miserable just because he is?
Faramir10 3 years ago
He needs to go to school/vo-tech and learn a skill. Plumbers, electricians, barbers, hair stylists, etc are always in demand and make good money.
Sandy D 3 years ago
He seems to prefer whining and sniveling over solving his problems
Load More Replies... OffKeySinger 3 years ago
She needs to toss him back into the sea...plenty of other more less selfish and jealous fish out there
Sandy D 3 years ago
The hubby is a jealous douche. She already makes enough money, more than him, and she works. Why the hell should she work more. He thinking she doesn't deserve to relax or ever have fun. If he's so jealous, he should get another job. Then he'll have more money and he'll be at work all the time and won't see her relaxing, which bothers him due to his insecurity and immaturity. She should dump him asap and maybe find a grown up man instead of the man-baby she's with now
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
YTA, big time. Get TF over yourself, dude. She works the entire weekend—-when YOU are off. Do YOU do chores? You don’t mention if she’s on call 24 hours for the entire weekend or not, but it sounds like her work week is squeezed into a mere three days. Working like that means you need at least one full day to catch up on your sleep. Also, if she has a confidentiality contract—-which almost sounds like a security clearance, so she may work for the Feds—-then she truly CAN’T talk about her work, and will risk losing this great paying job if she does. If she’s cleaning and ordering groceries for BOTH of you on her days off, then she’s not just laying around doing nothing. Is it the fact that you’re only doing a 60-40 split for the expenses and you’re struggling to come up with that amount because you get paid so little? Then ask her if she can take on a higher percentage until you find a better paying, and hopefully less stressful, job. The fact that members of your own family is telling you you’re being an a*****e should be your “ah-hah” moment for you to wake up to yourself, quit being competitive, and pissed off at losing. Remember, this lovely, accomplished, and successful woman chooses to be with YOU, regardless of the fact that you’re a low paid whining man-baby, so put on your big boy pants, suck it up, appreciate her, and update your resume—-maybe take some classes to increase your jobworthiness—-and STFU!
Ladytron 3 years ago
Omfg. That is beyond stupid. It's not a competition. He says she does her part of housework including meals. And they don't seem to have kids. What is the issue? She should suffer just because he does? The only thing that's off is that she won't tell how much she makes, for me that is natural to share with your partner but from what I can tell of his attitude I guess she has her reasons... and that she doesn't say exactly what she does... maybe she has a contract that requires her to not share specifics? He just sounds like a jealous guy. Get over yourself. This is the dream and goal of having a higher education - it's an investment for having a more comfortable life in the future.
F C 3 years ago
Yes she should suffer because he does. That's exactly rhe mentality people like this have
Load More Replies... Phil Vaive 3 years ago
UGH! People who want others to feel worse because they can't improve their own lives are the absolute worst.
Damon Morris 3 years ago
RED FLAG!! RED FLAG!! RED FLAG!! SGE NEEDS TO RUN GET OUT!!! Anyone who would want thier lover to suffer so its "fair" is a selfish scumbag p.o.s period.
Bella10 3 years ago
I quit a job that was high paying but 60 hours a week to do a job that is 30 hours per week. I have a lot of free time and my husband, who works a standard week, is nothing but supportive. It’s crazy to me that the OP doesn’t want his wife happy and fulfilled both at work and home. Society has a lot to answer for, thinking we must work 5 days a week. Yes, I know monetary pressure is a real thing, but you can be just as productive working 3-4 days as 5.
Gabriela Cink 3 years ago
Lol. My husband is a contractor and durring lockdowns had no work. He was chilling for days and I was glad he could have more free time. Except he made me coffee in the morning, we kept house chores in the same manner. YTA and you should find better job if current one is draining you. She is taking care of you and you call it wasting time :D. Accurate.
Iifa A. 3 years ago
Oh damn. Just no. Where can I get wife's contact details. She needs to read this, contact lawyer, protect her assets just in case. The man is unstable. Op is YTA. Maybe he didn't study, have any high demand skills, but to do this to your own wife is disrespectful. At this point he should quit his job, ask wife for allowance and study something new, clean, cook and do house chores, and the wife still would have enough money to buy herself a therapist. Delusional husband. If it bothers you, You need to change or just leave. You never bring partners success down due to being a wimp yourself. Disgusting. If my partner would say that to me, I would rub my degrees up his face and walk away with all the belongings I paid for and leave him baked, hungry and truly broke. You're meant to share the life and support each other, you're not competing who is more tired, money or bad time. Husband is clearly testing water of becoming abusive controlling lunatic.
Tatjana P 3 years ago
These people are not married - in the real sense. They are not sharing anything at all except space and time. Marriage is about saying ‘we are together for better or worse and that includes being open about jobs and sharing money and care with a fair outlook. Neither of them is being a true partner to the other.
propgamer XL 3 years ago
Yes. It's more living like roommates. My mom got 75 a month in the 50s. She took care of my dad. They could hardly eat. Both 18. He studied and then he got a good job and got rich and she didn't have to work anymore. Later she took a part time job. Mine is yours and yours is mine.
Load More Replies... Moezzzz 3 years ago
I mean, wow..... I have a decent job; doesn't pay nearly what I used to make in the hospital, but I work from home & have 1/3 of the expenses now, so it actually evens. My husband works tues thru Fri. Off 3 days. He also gets every major holiday off (& if that happens to be a Sat or Sun, he gets an extra day off). He's a civilian contractor for the government. Makes good money, so he pays the majority of our bills & I pay groceries, entertainment stuff & other small bills, but I do PayPal him several hundred dollars a month so he has extra money to get stuff he wants, too. He'll joke with me about how I've "got it made", but when I mentioned going back to clinic work, he was the first one to tell me to really think about it- yes, it would be more money, but I couldn't wear pjs to work, I'd have to get up an hour or more before just to get ready & drive there, & I have back issues. Is it worth all that for extra money? That's what a good partnership does- we want the best for each other
Chris berkley 3 years ago
Wtf is this guys problem, my husband and I have a similar situation, I sell things online while he is a manager at a restuarant, so I may not have a normal "job" it's enough that I contribute to the Bill's and I do most of the housework and cooking because he works 70+ hours a week and we have made that work for years, he jokes that he is jealous but again it's legit joking, he would never act like this ahole, maybe instead of trying to make his wife get another job he should try to better himself....
F C 3 years ago
Similar situation here. He works mostly nights and I in the day. Yes its sad we don't get sexy time or do activities together during the day but I'm not going to ask him to stay awake 24 hours or aacrifice his free time to be with me. If you want to be with some one you want them to be happy as well
Load More Replies... Linny Campbell 3 years ago
When you truly love someone you are happy when they are happy. She is not harming anyone or hindering you. I wonder how much you love her, truly. Yes, there are ups and downs in a relationship but to actually want to bring her down? Coming from experience, a HUGE red flag and if I were her I would be getting out.
F C 3 years ago
Married at 20 years old.. I smell family or religious pressure. Married for all the wrong reasons
Load More Replies... Jose Carlo 3 years ago
I can see where she is coming from on WHY she does not explain her job. Put it this way, I'll tell you what I do but I'll have to kill you. Yes, I signed a confidentiality agreement with this MASSIVE corporation I work for - and ANYTHING I create or invent automatically belongs to them!
Anyone-for-tea? 3 years ago
But what kinds of job would only need her to work weekends like that? I would like that sort of job!
Load More Replies... Zoe Duddle 3 years ago
His sole argument seems to be ‘I’m tired all the time and I wish my wife was tired all the time too’. Where I do have some sympathy is that she won’t tell him how much she earns… that’s a bit weird for a married couple. Rather than trying to make her more tired and unhappy he should be focusing on making himself happier, either by getting a better job (the ideal) or finding out if she makes enough for him to drop his hours slightly. That may be a bit unfair as she is already spending more than him but if she makes LOADS (he has no idea atm) then there’s no real reason that he has to be tired all the time if they can afford for him to work slightly less and them to have more time together.
removebeforeflight 3 years ago
Oh my god, what is IT??? I am working at the same company as my partner, and we have the same positions. But somehow his schedule is always way more disruptive than mine (I am telling "somehow" because we do not choose how many hours or which days we are working, this is all on the schedule planners and we have no influence on how our schedule will be planned). And when I am moaning and sobbing about being bored home and that I want to take some additional duties on my OFFs (probably swap with the other colleagues of mine), he is ALWAYS against it and telling me, that he doesn't want me to work same hours as he works and getting as tired as he is. He is offering me to do something else to relax and use my rest days profitably - go to the swimming pool, go to the gym, go for a walk etc. I have never been in such healthy and comfortable relationships previously. Feel so bad for a wife of OP. But it is so nice she has a job she is enjoying
Bobby 3 years ago
The only point he made that I can even side with him (conditionally) is the 60/40 split on expenses. If you don't know what your partner makes then it is hard to say if that is a fair ratio
Chay 3 years ago
He pays 40% not even the 60%. He's struggling while she buys him food and cleans and does everything she needs at home for him, he obvs needs a better job lmao that's not her problem.
Load More Replies... General Anaesthesia 3 years ago
She sounds like an intelligent, accomplished woman. It makes one wonder what she's doing with him.
El Dee 3 years ago
'Crab-bucket mentality' The crabs in the bucket see one escaping and pull it back down, as a consequence none escape the bucket. He sees her lifestyle and it is good. He doesn't have it so instead of doing something to improve HIS life he wants her to make hers WORSE. Sadly this way of thinking is all too common..
Mad McQueen 3 years ago
So if he was I. Her shoes and only worked the weekends and made good cash an had the week to himself wouldn't he be pusses if she told him, "hey you need a second job? I don't make enough at mine so if you did that you could give me that money to spend so I wouldn't have to dip into our joint account when I'm short some weeks." Nope. He should be happy for her and maybe ask how he could get into that kind of work. Classes, job style to apply for, etc. he makes less than half of their income? He needs a reality check on how two people are a team regardless of the split. She's living her best life. Let her enjoy her hard work to get where she's comfortable.
Dana Detrick 3 years ago
The only thing she needs to do while he's at work that's different than what she's doing is visit a divorce attorney. If this guy is actually so toxic that his only recourse for relief is to make her as miserable as he is, she's better off cutting her losses and enjoying what seems like a great life otherwise.
Gregg Long 3 years ago
Not sure I believe this. Who has a "confidential" job that requires you to be away from home on the weekend that isn't somehow sex work? And she can't even tell you what it involves? Sounds more like she is sugaring if you ask me.
Susan Betz 3 years ago
Personal assistant to somebody wealthy or famous. It's a thing.
Load More Replies... Johan Barnhoorn 3 years ago
What a a*****e, I can understand why he is jalous but let that be a trigger to find another job yourself, to do better. His wife is working smarter not harder and pays most of the bills, she deserves the time off.
zububonsai 3 years ago
There are some mean, insecure people out there, just wow😵💫. This "man" makes me shudder. Why did she agree to marry him in the first place? It's similar to us : I'm a freelancer, work little and flexible hours that pay a lot (at the moment: 2 full days a week plus 0-3 days if I want to, so I have a lot of time for child care& volunteering.... My partner works at a "traditional" 40hrs job in a chemical plant, comes home 5times a week at the late afternoon more or less exhausted... But he n e v e r would ask me such an odd question.) We have a 50:50 situation.
Wysteria_Rose 3 years ago
I am very grateful that I've been able to go to school, work as a graduate assistant, and now have a full time weekday job that allows weekends off. My husband is not so lucky being a coach, managing a business and coaching teams/classes into the evenings. I sometimes feel guilty for getting to go home at 5 and even sneak in a quick ten minute nap after an exhausting day. I'll admit this and he says, "Why do you feel bad? If you're tired, rest. No point in both of us being exhausted." Complete opposite of this guy. Seriously, if her job is paying for most of the money needs, then it sounds like a "his job" issue, not hers.
Susan Betz 3 years ago
I have a daughter that works in a hospital, two twelves on Saturday and Sunday, one 8 hour shift midweek and on call one day per week. She loves the hours. She loves having 3-4 days off per week. Some people enjoy this kind of schedule. Her days off are days *off*, not days to fill up with more work. What is wrong with the OP that he doesn't understand how long work hours need long de-stress hours? Also all the little chores that come with living - these can eat up a full day "off". He needs a huge reality check, but I think he got one lol.
Pete from Cali. USA 3 years ago
Why can't this guy just be happy for her? "If I have to suffer, then you should too " it's basically what he's saying and it says a lot about him. Maybe he should be the one to find a new job that has less stress and better hours?
Casey McAlister 3 years ago
Oh, just say you are jealous. Your wife makes more money than you and also has a free time to chill, what a nightmare. Why would she possibly need to find another job if she doesn't struggle with money? Maybe it's you the one who should find a better-paying job which helps you to stop being such an insecure envious jerk.
Jos Tiguidou 3 years ago
God dammit why are people this stupid and selfish? This dude is 100% the god damn a*****e. 4 years they've been married and 4 years he's been toiling in some s**t job he hates? This is why people shouldn't get married before their 30's. Seriously.
Mark Glickman 3 years ago
This guy is so firmly in the YTA territory he might as well put himself forward for statehood!
Stoopham McFernybabes 3 years ago
The wife should ask him to get a weekend job, seeing as she’s getting home on a Sunday evening while he’s been lazing about all weekend (as have, probably, most of her family and friends. That job has to be a killer for every having a social life).
Shauna Voigt 3 years ago
Why do his parents think she needs to work? She does work and makes more than him.
Amy Pontious 3 years ago
He is Definitely 100% the A*****E, why don't you go get a job that you enjoy! And if you were my husband and u said to me what you said to your wife. I would have told you to F***koff, and you have no right to tell me to quit my job! Quite acting like a little boy and grow a pair!
Diphylleia Grayi 3 years ago (edited)
What the F***k dude? I am 100000% he wouldn't be happy if it was vice versa. Plus, he said she take care of house chores, which is a job too 😠😤
Solidhog 3 years ago
I have to admit that I was very surprised by the majority of the comments. It turns out my wife and me and our families appear to be the weird ones! We always thought marriage was a partnership and union where everything was shared. The good times, the bad times, the chores, the money and stuff about work. Our bank accounts are shared and we talk about our jobs to each other even though there is sensitive information in both cases because we both know the other would not say anything outside the house. I really can't see why other than working for a government secret agency she would not tell him about what she does. But then I have to question why he did not question any of this before they got married.
Happy_Pandalover 3 years ago
Perfect, she already pays the bigger part of their bills. Why would she have to work more? So she can pay 100% and he can quit his job? He just sounds childish snd jealous.
Thomas E S Thomas 3 years ago
Isn't it obvious? She's a specialized attaché to the US Space Force working on Deep Space Telemetry at a facility in Cheyenne Mountain, Colorado.
Jasperina Witty 3 years ago
Not only is he the @sshole he is pathetic. How dare he?!?!?!? Typical man audacity
Mora Chilis 3 years ago
She needs to toss him out with the garbage then next time she cleans. She doesn't need to raise a man-child.
OhForSmegSake 3 years ago
I say she should get a second job, just a few hours on a couple of days a week. Don't tell him about it and keep 100% of the money from it in a secret bank account. Then when she's saved up enough, leave his whiney man-child a**e
Kątem Oka 3 years ago
I stopped after "I'm 26 and married since 22" - dear god, these are children.
Alison Hell 3 years ago
She needs to tell him what her job is...what is she, CIA? sounds fishy to me....gone all weekend and cant tell her husband....hmmmmm
Dog Mom 3 years ago
I understand what he means. I have friends and family that have better jobs than me and when I see them taking time off and doing fun things or just relaxing, I get jealous sometimes. I want that too. But he's totally wrong, because taking away what she has won't make his life better. Only make her more miserable like him. Not good.
Dre Mosley 3 years ago
YTA. You come across resentful and jealous. She is more educated, makes more money, and pays most of the bills. She can do whatever she damn well pleases when she's not working. She doesn't need another job.
Tempest Waters 1 year ago
I’m still blinking. What a petulant little manbaby you are! I’m guessing she’s going to outgrow you, if she hasn’t already.
Melissa anderson 1 year ago
She pays the majority of the bills, not him. He’s just a jealous AH because she’s making more money than him with doing less work.
Ken Schroeder 1 year ago
Dude, if you think she's having an affair, then ask. That's the only logical explanation for your whining.
Jim Robertson 1 year ago
I worked 4 12hr shifts then had 4 days off. friends used to say I only worked part time as I was off so much. they did not realise I worked 48 hr a week while they only worked 40.
Sarah Léon 1 year ago
She makes more money than him, do the chores and pay more than him on the house, and he wants her to work more just so he is not the only one who is tired at the end of the day ? She should dump him. She would have even more money to spare on her shopping !
Paulo Leitao 1 year ago
still weird that she would keep that many secrets about what she does.
Collette Moisan 3 years ago
I find it very interesting and disturbing that she can not tell you what she does for a living. Especially if she only works weekends. Have you followed her to see what she is really doing? Sounds very fishy to me.
Vivienne L'Or 3 years ago
Why doesnt he go to uni and get himself a career that pays better? Surely he can afford a couple of years off while he studies. It will pay divs in the long run.
Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 3 years ago
I seriously hope this is a poe post, because he's going to find himself with no wife soon.
Funhog 3 years ago
A message to the wife of the OP: This guy doesn't wish the absolute best for you. He is miserable and wishes for you to be miserable, as well. He has also admitted that he knows better than you re: how you should spend your own time and he insults your choices by calling it "wasting your day". I hope that you soon realize that the only time you are wasting is any time spent with this loser.
Abner_Mality 3 years ago
Wow, there's enough red flags in this one to make a large quilt! Looking past the job/time question of the OP, most housemates know more about each other. You're married but have no idea what your spouse does (they can tell you in general without details), no idea what your combined finances are, your schedules are completely out of sync (minor issue) but there is no caring by the one who's off of the one who's working, and a "I'm living my life..." not our life attitude. Sounds horrible, time for some relationship counseling!
Will I Will-Ham 3 years ago
So op is jealous about the better job wify got and demands her to feel as bad as he does? So stupid. Interresting would be who brought up the "100% no sexworker i promise"? If it was him toss that a*****e who only thinks that women can only make money if they sell their body. If it was she maybe her job is not that presentable to a partner...
Supermyah11 3 years ago
Is he insecure abt not exactly knowing what his wife does? But I also think he's wrong
MidnightProphecy 3 years ago
What the hell has it got to do with him what she does in her free time it's not like she's barely making anything to contribute she pays more! I'd be furious too YTA if you're jealous go work for something better for yourself too!!!
Dee Pierce 1 year ago
I got married at 19 and he was 22. When I was 30 and he was 33 he decided he probably was going to die young. (He was a naval officer and flyer.) Thus he didn't want to be tied down to one woman. Three years later he decided to remarry. I'm now age 72 and he is 75 so he obviously did not die young. I've seen photos and he always looks unhappy and unhealthy. Versus I am fully enjoying my life and living in a beautiful place with a comfortable income. So it has all worked out as it should.
Load More Replies... Lara Verne 3 years ago
YTA. Wife has good salary and job she likes, pay most of bills, and he feels insecure because of that.
Never Stop Learning 3 years ago
I appreciate all of you that responded with some really great reasons. It made me think that the gender bias in employment is actually vastly changing.
Never Stop Learning 3 years ago
I'm going to throw this hat in the ring just to see what pops up. So, what would the reactions be if the genders were switched. Husband works all weekend, makes bank but won't tell you what he does, or any hint of location of employment. Then wife has low paying job that depends on tips and lots of hours and you both don't have quality time with each other. And what happens when you throw a kiddo into the mix?!! Don't thrash me but actually give it a thought and give me your opinion. Thank you.
Cashme Outside 3 years ago (edited)
Literally the exact same situation. The person thats butthurt is the one with the problem, not the one doing well and making the lions share of the money, not complaining, and being thoughtful. Its much easier to find a job that makes a little over minimum wage that will allow you to work the same days as her job, which is much higher paying AND is something she actually likes. Hes got a good deal going and if he doesnt quit with his way of thinking, shes gonna realize where the real cards in the relationship are held, and she’ll replace him. Shes the one who is content, shes the one who is relaxed, shes the one who has the great work-life balance. Hes the one who gets butthurt seeing her happy, and doesnt think she should be allowed to have free time. If hes not careful she might just find someone who IS happy for her and spend that free time with them. If the genders were reversed, it would be the exact same scenario. The partner is the one who has it together, not the OP.
Load More Replies... blatherskitenoir 3 years ago
If they had kids and he had to handle all weekend and holiday childcare solo, he'd have a leg to stand on to request a job change. I think their main issue is that they are more like roommates than married life partners. He views using joint money as "borrowing", and it's odd she only includes him on food if he's home when she orders. Presumably, he comes home and eats every day. Additionally, there is the big, massive secret of wtf her job actually involves. Neither is being mindful of the other, nor including the other in the ins and outs of their life. So they're stuck in this frustrating, awkward state of being roommates but not roommates, causing resentment and confusion.
Jerome will 3 years ago
YTA. I'm red pill and I believe in conservative marriage. You're emasculated because she makes more money or you were never the leader in relationship to begin with. If she still has time be a wife and possibly a mother what's the issue.
Potato 3 years ago
Oof, in a partnership neither should be "leader." Ugh.
Load More Replies... Melinda Farkas 3 years ago
Why... Does the dude... Not quit his job...and starts doing something less tiering...since the lady can afford the Household herself????
mm65851 3 years ago
Somethings way off here. Do they not file joint taxes where he sees her employer, income, etc.? Does she not communicate at all when she's away, so he could at least see location, etc. NO clue after four years??? Please. I think she has a sugar daddy and spends weekends with him.
Potato 3 years ago
She works for a client, meaning that the client's projects aren't the LLC or Corp that's on her w2. Like if I'm a real estate agent, my broker is listed on my taxes and not the seller/buyer name. The location may be part of the no disclosure agreement, so if your trust issues are that severe then you shouldn't be in the relationship.
Load More Replies... Hubert Martin 3 years ago
It's very weird she won't tell him what she does. That whole contact story is cool for friends, but it's a marriage... I don't think it's right. Why would you make your partner feel less than a job? Even if you say he should not feel like that, it's strange to dangle a marriage on a thin thread of assumption like that. Their contract to themselves is more important than a job contract. OP needs to be more thankful for what he has and needs to improve his own situation, but wife needs to start thinking of the partnership and not just her own comfort level. I try to push my wife to do more as well, but only because she complains of filling her free time rather than using it effectively. We both have full-time jobs with me regularly working 10-16 hrs overtime. I come home and write books and poetry while also trying to get into resin crafts to help the wife come up with her own side project. I think communication is extremely important. You two need to find out your collective goals.
Bored Turtle Princess 3 years ago
His wife is paying 60% of the expenses, and he pays 40% . It was mentioned.
Load More Replies... ί𝔫ＣίŦᵃт𝐔𝐬 3 years ago
Your situation is not close to being a direct correlation to this one. She makes more and works less, your wife made less and also worked less. It's very easy to see how your situation puts all the burden on you. This post in no way reflects that.
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