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Wife Is 100% Against Her Husband’s Idea To Make Her Sister A Surrogate ‘The Traditional Way,’ Gets Upset When He Pushes Her To Agree
In the US alone, about 1 in 5 heterosexual women of reproductive age wish to experience pregnancy and bring a new bundle of joy into this world but are unable to do so after one year of trying. Infertility can be devastating, and it can take an emotional toll on both partners who venture to beat the odds of this brutal condition. Unfortunately, sometimes this can lead to the most questionable ideas that can shake up the very foundation of their relationship.
A few months ago, Redditor throwRASister9977 reached out to the TrueOffMyChest community to share that she and her husband have been trying to have a baby without any success for some time now. To realize their dream of parenthood, they looked into surrogacy and were lucky enough to have the woman’s sister volunteer for the cause.
But after her husband delved into how much time and money it would take, he came up with a brilliant scheme to impregnate his wife’s sister, the old-fashioned way. As you can guess, this didn’t sit well with the woman. She was 100% against this game plan and was unsure of what to think of his actions. Finding herself in a troubling marital dispute, the user turned to people online to ask for guidance. Read on to find out the whole story and weigh in on this incident in the comments.
RELATED:
A devastated woman struggling with infertility hoped that her husband would have her back no matter what
Image credits: gorodenkoff (not the actual photo)
Instead, he did just the opposite when he presented his wife with the idea to impregnate her surrogate sister “the traditional way”
Image credits: Engin_Akyurt (not the actual photo)
Both men and women who are struggling with infertility experience an emotional and sensitive time. One thing that helps them cope with the physical and mental consequences of this condition is the unconditional love from their partners. While Redditor throwRASister9977 received anything but that from her husband who even tried to guilt her and push her to agree to his idea, people online showed an outpouring of support. As of this writing, the story has amassed over 35K upvotes and 8.4K comments where people rightfully shamed the man for his actions.
The 34-year-old woman opened up that this whole incident made her feel devastated. She even started criticizing herself, saying that her “body is useless.” Unfortunately, the self-blame of infertility is a challenge many people face. According to the American Society for Reproductive Medicine (ASRM), infertility is becoming more frequent with the availability of contraception, the increasing number of women in the workforce, and the older age of newlywed couples. You see, people are simply postponing starting their own families. More and more women are starting to wait until after they’ve turned 35 to conceive, an age when fertility starts declining rapidly and miscarriages increase.
Licensed psychologist Andrea Mechanick Braverman, Ph.D., explained that a diagnosis of infertility makes women feel anxious and sad, and it takes a toll on their self-esteem. It can make them feel hopeless about ever forming the families they want. Plus, the dysfunctional messages they might hear from their family and friends like “You’re too uptight” or “You’re too type A” can even make them believe they cannot be considered real women until they have biological children.
“People can get caught in negative thinking patterns that only make matters worse,” Yakov Epstein, a psychologist at Rutgers University, toldBaby Center. “Instead of berating yourself, look forward to how you are going to manage the situation.” First, while it’s important to acknowledge that infertility might be one of the hardest challenges you’ll face in life, it’s also crucial to remind yourself it’s not your fault. If troubling thoughts that start with “I should have” and “I could have” keep recurring in your head, try to focus on the present.
Also, educate yourself and learn as much as you possibly can about your condition. After all, new technologies and treatments are invented all of the time, so your situation might change quite quickly. “You’ve got to understand what’s happening medically, or you won’t be able to make informed choices,” Epstein added. Then, try to be realistic and set a limit on how far you’re willing to go. If you feel overwhelmed and confused, reach out to professionals or people going through the same situation and avoid living with your sorrow in solitude. Epstein also pointed out that “fertility problems are very complex, and if a therapist does not understand the medical issues, he or she won’t be able to help.”
Needless to say, your partner should be your pillar of strength in navigating this journey. Unfortunately, that doesn’t seem to be the case for the author of this story. We just hope that this situation was a blessing in disguise that will save her from any further pain in the future. Or as one Redditor put it, “The number of red flags is incredible and you probably realize it.”
Redditors were appalled by the husband’s behavior, here’s what they had to say
What do you think ?
Craig Silberman 3 years ago
"I promise I won't enjoy it. I'll be imagining it's you the entire time."
Load More Replies...
Casey McAlister 3 years ago
Seems like those infertility issues were a blessing in disguise. That's good you don't have children with this disgusting man.
Crouching hippo hidden panda 3 years ago
Omg please leave this person! You’re still young, don’t condemn yourself for the rest of your life with him. Jesus. I’d never hope for someone having fertility issues to not get pregnant…. But damn, I hope she doesn’t with him at least: maybe her body refuses to get pregnant with an arsehole like him. Maybe she should try and f**k his brother or something first
Mad Dragon 3 years ago
The sister agreed to be the oven. She did not agree to provide the egg or be the sister-wife! Kick this a$$hole to the curb ASAP!
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Good thing you found out what he's really like before you had kids. Just throw away the whole husband.
BetterBitterButter 3 years ago
This is so unreal! And if the sister ever finds out she is going to freak out that her BIL is even thinking of this. I hope the OP gets to be a mother but certainly not have a child with this guy! And one comment was spot on that any child out of such arrangement will be OP's nephew or niece and not her child. Also I don't think surrogacy was done this way.
Megzymonsta 3 years ago
Wow this guy really is a psycho. He's relentlessly bullying his wife into letting him sleep with her little sister in the hope she gets pregnant "traditionally". The sister hasn't consented and apparently doesn't even know, there's a big difference between agreeing to be scientifically impregnated and agreeing to let her brother in-law have sex with her multiple times to impregnate her. I think this woman needs to think seriously about even trying to have a baby with a guy like this. And it worries me that her husband's behaviour will damage the relationship she has with her sister, from what I read it seems the sister's only involvement was to offer to carry her sister's baby - now suddenly she's the "other woman" Hopefully this poster realises she'll be better off without her pervert husband then she can try again to have a baby (as a single mother or with a new partner) in a few years time/when she is ready
Drea Benoit 3 years ago
Dude is a selfish pos that doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings at all. And he clearly just wants to sleep with his sil. She should insist on being impregnated by another man, the “traditional way”, and see how he feels about that.
Raccoon panda 3 years ago (edited)
This is cheating on you, plain and simple. You’re not overreacting. You’re rational. You need to protect your heart. He’s not thinking about you if he’s not concerned about how you feel about this horrible idea. Some men are idiots, but good ones (idiot or not), will almost always listen to their wife’s feelings and concerns on bad ideas ranging from playing William Tell with a nail gun, to- ....well,.......this......unholy stuff he’s pulling. He’s not thinking about how badly he’s gonna break your heart in an attempt to handle infertility and simultaneously cheat on you. That’s not just the stupidest form of multitasking I’ve ever heard of. That’s taking your heart and ripping it to shreds before your eyes, then manipulating you. That’s thinking that giving you a baby is just an excuse to justify cheating. He assumes you’re stupid. Leave. Take a few months away from home, or longer if you need. Maybe forever. I’m so sorry he let you down like this. I think you deserve better.😭
Zero 3 years ago
Time to seriously re-evaluate the relationship. Look for and at other potential flags, talk with the sister to see if he's been coming on to her, etc. Then once decided whether to continue or not, if she does decide to continue then they both need some serious marriage counseling. Me, I'd end it.
Rosie Cat 3 years ago (edited)
F*ck him. Pack your stuff when he's not home, change your phone number and file for divorce asap. Like everyone else said, he wants to have sex with your sister. He's a piece of the most foulest sh*t on this earth. If you put up with this trust me he will do other foul hateful things. This bastard is a demon.
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Wow. I'm all for trying whatever you can to have a baby but this is way out of line. He doesn't deserve you and I hope you realize how wrong this is of him. Honestly, from what you said it sounds like you really need to leave him. No significant other who truly loves you would ever make you feel bad about fertility issues like this; you'rehurt enoughhaving the issues and thats just rubbing salt, sand and vinegar in the wound. Please gain the strength and courage to leave him.
Lorrie Rothstein 3 years ago
I.hope she got divorced.The baby would be your niece or nephew. The husband us perverted and he doesnt know how biology works
Poly Amorous 3 years ago
No matter what happens, I believe she needs to tell her sister. This is a huge red flag that very heavily concerns the sis, and the sister needs to know. Besides, with such a huge red flag, there are probably more. The sister might have more dust on her husband than she might know, and all of those might be enough to push op to an appropriate decision
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
Gross, divorce him and free yourself from this psycho. If you end up having a kid with him you’ll he stuck with him for life.
Michelle C 3 years ago
What happened to a cup and a turkey baster??? She should tell her sister what he's suggesting...if the sister isn't a POS like the hubby, she can shoot the idea down real quick
Marian Moore 3 years ago
Run, as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Every time you pick the baby up it will be your sister's baby with your husband. This is just his excuse to screw your sister. He needs to be out of your life. Maybe he is the one who can't give you a baby. He has found the perfect opportunity to be unfaithful to you. DO.NOT. AGREE! Worse mistake of your life. You would never forget it's not your baby. It would be theirs's.. Divorce him. He can only cause you more pain.
Frannie Kaplan 3 years ago
Wow I hope these 2 are getting a divorce wherever they are. BTW, she should agree. "You're right hunny I'll try with that gorgeous man we met the other day, apparently he's very virile and it wouldn't hurt! Hey it's free! He's an excellent businessman."
Sinkvenice 3 years ago
There is good news and bad news with this situation. The bad news is, the husband is an absolute c*nt and his poor wife should start divorce proceedings immediately. The good news is, she found out what he's really like before they had children so she won't have to go through any added stress with custody battles or anything else child related during divorce proceedings. That man is absolutely repugnant. A vile, deplorable POS. There are so many things he's said, done and implied/inferred that are just f*****g disgraceful and still has the audacity to get huffy with his wife for being upset about him wanting to boink her sister. He needs to be kicked out. Immediately. What an absolute waste of a person, I hope he ends up alone forever. C*nt.
Random Anon 3 years ago (edited)
What's the deal with bending over backwards to breed? If you shoot and score, cool. If it doesn't happen just move on and adopt. There are a lot of kids out there that need parents. People and their bloodline fetish is as illogical as some bearded white dude making a winery out of the kitchen faucet.
Random Panda 3 years ago (edited)
I wonder have you adopted a child or do you plan to? Judging by the complete lack of empathy displayed here, I'd guess not. Don't go off telling people what to do with their lives, it's none of your business how they deal with their infertility.
Load More Replies...
Phoebe Bean 3 years ago
Wow, he couldn´t care less for her feelings (and brings back all these Handmaid´s Tale´s vibes)
Miss Benzo 3 years ago
I didn't even read through the whole write up before coming here to say: *WHAT ARRANT RUBBISH!* Do people like this posters husband really exist? No man should ever need to say such things to his wife. What's wrong with people??
Brittany Giedraitis 3 years ago
stress makes u not conceive, try marrying not an a*****e ur fertility might even come back
Maggie Man 3 years ago
What exactly does the "traditional way" mean to the husband? Does it involve him ejaculating into a syringe, and then for the sister to inject the semen directly into her vagina? It'd be good clear things up.
That'sEndorable 3 years ago
Let's be real: we're not likely talking having sex one time. Could be dozens of times. Also: this is exactly how all the trouble in the Middle East started, at least according to the sacred histories of Jews, Muslims AND Christians. Ishmael, son of Hagar, surrogate of Sarah, wife of Abraham. The Muslims claim Arabs are descended of him, while the Jews claim they're descended from Sarah's son, Isaac.
Cindy Snow 3 years ago
Situation is just messed up all around. I suggest either use a sperm donor( not related in any way) or go to a sperm bank. Husband has creepy fantasies and too comfortable sharing the idea.
Jill Pulcifer 3 years ago
If he wanted anything other than to bang the sister he would have suggested the also free turkey baster method.
Amused panda 3 years ago
Seems like hubby wants an excuse to cheat on OP with her sister...or (much less likely) he already has been, sister is pregnant and they want to disguise the evidence of their betrayal as being something for OP's benefit. Basically, OP would be well rid. Hopefully OP did get rid of the jerk.
Angie Ruloph 3 years ago
The husband is a worthless, horrible POS. Please leave this creature who calls himself a man and never speak to him again!
Sheila Simonson 3 years ago
hopefully he hasn't already done it and there is already a pregnancy for him to hurry up and talk you into before things become obvious.
Cathelijne Van 3 years ago
I'm sorry but calling bs here. Every hospital, every clinic, all information on surrogates and getting pregnant quickly works with checking your hormone level (to find your fertile moment in the month) and then placing the semen with a tool (don't know the name). I do not believe this story. Too crazy
BlahBlah 3 years ago (edited)
1. Your sister being a surrogate is not the proper way to do it. Some pointed out correctly: that would be your niece or naphew, not son or daughter! 2. Get away from this man ASAP. A divorce ASAP. No matter what!!! No way you can have ANY baby with him, any family! He's just a cold-blooded MF who wants to F... your sister. What a pathetic SOB!
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 3 years ago
Any women in the world should feel bad for not be able to get pregnant, let alone having your husband throwing this to your face. We wants to bang your sister. Divorce now because it's too late. Look for a sperm donor or adopt and be far away from this person.
Deborah Chapman 3 years ago
OMG, use a Turkey Baster. Its cheap and effective. If they don't not want to do that, then they really just want to f each other.
Random Panda 3 years ago
But then the child will be the woman's nephew and not her kid. The point of doing IVF surrogacy would be that they would take ova/sperm from the wife and husband, so the baby would be their bilogical child.
Load More Replies...
Craig Silberman 3 years ago
"I promise I won't enjoy it. I'll be imagining it's you the entire time."
Load More Replies... Casey McAlister 3 years ago
Seems like those infertility issues were a blessing in disguise. That's good you don't have children with this disgusting man.
Crouching hippo hidden panda 3 years ago
Omg please leave this person! You’re still young, don’t condemn yourself for the rest of your life with him. Jesus. I’d never hope for someone having fertility issues to not get pregnant…. But damn, I hope she doesn’t with him at least: maybe her body refuses to get pregnant with an arsehole like him. Maybe she should try and f**k his brother or something first
Mad Dragon 3 years ago
The sister agreed to be the oven. She did not agree to provide the egg or be the sister-wife! Kick this a$$hole to the curb ASAP!
Nikki Sevven 3 years ago
Good thing you found out what he's really like before you had kids. Just throw away the whole husband.
BetterBitterButter 3 years ago
This is so unreal! And if the sister ever finds out she is going to freak out that her BIL is even thinking of this. I hope the OP gets to be a mother but certainly not have a child with this guy! And one comment was spot on that any child out of such arrangement will be OP's nephew or niece and not her child. Also I don't think surrogacy was done this way.
Megzymonsta 3 years ago
Wow this guy really is a psycho. He's relentlessly bullying his wife into letting him sleep with her little sister in the hope she gets pregnant "traditionally". The sister hasn't consented and apparently doesn't even know, there's a big difference between agreeing to be scientifically impregnated and agreeing to let her brother in-law have sex with her multiple times to impregnate her. I think this woman needs to think seriously about even trying to have a baby with a guy like this. And it worries me that her husband's behaviour will damage the relationship she has with her sister, from what I read it seems the sister's only involvement was to offer to carry her sister's baby - now suddenly she's the "other woman" Hopefully this poster realises she'll be better off without her pervert husband then she can try again to have a baby (as a single mother or with a new partner) in a few years time/when she is ready
Drea Benoit 3 years ago
Dude is a selfish pos that doesn’t care about his wife’s feelings at all. And he clearly just wants to sleep with his sil. She should insist on being impregnated by another man, the “traditional way”, and see how he feels about that.
Raccoon panda 3 years ago (edited)
This is cheating on you, plain and simple. You’re not overreacting. You’re rational. You need to protect your heart. He’s not thinking about you if he’s not concerned about how you feel about this horrible idea. Some men are idiots, but good ones (idiot or not), will almost always listen to their wife’s feelings and concerns on bad ideas ranging from playing William Tell with a nail gun, to- ....well,.......this......unholy stuff he’s pulling. He’s not thinking about how badly he’s gonna break your heart in an attempt to handle infertility and simultaneously cheat on you. That’s not just the stupidest form of multitasking I’ve ever heard of. That’s taking your heart and ripping it to shreds before your eyes, then manipulating you. That’s thinking that giving you a baby is just an excuse to justify cheating. He assumes you’re stupid. Leave. Take a few months away from home, or longer if you need. Maybe forever. I’m so sorry he let you down like this. I think you deserve better.😭
Zero 3 years ago
Time to seriously re-evaluate the relationship. Look for and at other potential flags, talk with the sister to see if he's been coming on to her, etc. Then once decided whether to continue or not, if she does decide to continue then they both need some serious marriage counseling. Me, I'd end it.
Rosie Cat 3 years ago (edited)
F*ck him. Pack your stuff when he's not home, change your phone number and file for divorce asap. Like everyone else said, he wants to have sex with your sister. He's a piece of the most foulest sh*t on this earth. If you put up with this trust me he will do other foul hateful things. This bastard is a demon.
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Wow. I'm all for trying whatever you can to have a baby but this is way out of line. He doesn't deserve you and I hope you realize how wrong this is of him. Honestly, from what you said it sounds like you really need to leave him. No significant other who truly loves you would ever make you feel bad about fertility issues like this; you'rehurt enoughhaving the issues and thats just rubbing salt, sand and vinegar in the wound. Please gain the strength and courage to leave him.
Lorrie Rothstein 3 years ago
I.hope she got divorced.The baby would be your niece or nephew. The husband us perverted and he doesnt know how biology works
Poly Amorous 3 years ago
No matter what happens, I believe she needs to tell her sister. This is a huge red flag that very heavily concerns the sis, and the sister needs to know. Besides, with such a huge red flag, there are probably more. The sister might have more dust on her husband than she might know, and all of those might be enough to push op to an appropriate decision
Alma Muminovic 3 years ago
Gross, divorce him and free yourself from this psycho. If you end up having a kid with him you’ll he stuck with him for life.
Michelle C 3 years ago
What happened to a cup and a turkey baster??? She should tell her sister what he's suggesting...if the sister isn't a POS like the hubby, she can shoot the idea down real quick
Marian Moore 3 years ago
Run, as fast as you can in the opposite direction. Every time you pick the baby up it will be your sister's baby with your husband. This is just his excuse to screw your sister. He needs to be out of your life. Maybe he is the one who can't give you a baby. He has found the perfect opportunity to be unfaithful to you. DO.NOT. AGREE! Worse mistake of your life. You would never forget it's not your baby. It would be theirs's.. Divorce him. He can only cause you more pain.
Frannie Kaplan 3 years ago
Wow I hope these 2 are getting a divorce wherever they are. BTW, she should agree. "You're right hunny I'll try with that gorgeous man we met the other day, apparently he's very virile and it wouldn't hurt! Hey it's free! He's an excellent businessman."
Sinkvenice 3 years ago
There is good news and bad news with this situation. The bad news is, the husband is an absolute c*nt and his poor wife should start divorce proceedings immediately. The good news is, she found out what he's really like before they had children so she won't have to go through any added stress with custody battles or anything else child related during divorce proceedings. That man is absolutely repugnant. A vile, deplorable POS. There are so many things he's said, done and implied/inferred that are just f*****g disgraceful and still has the audacity to get huffy with his wife for being upset about him wanting to boink her sister. He needs to be kicked out. Immediately. What an absolute waste of a person, I hope he ends up alone forever. C*nt.
Random Anon 3 years ago (edited)
What's the deal with bending over backwards to breed? If you shoot and score, cool. If it doesn't happen just move on and adopt. There are a lot of kids out there that need parents. People and their bloodline fetish is as illogical as some bearded white dude making a winery out of the kitchen faucet.
Random Panda 3 years ago (edited)
I wonder have you adopted a child or do you plan to? Judging by the complete lack of empathy displayed here, I'd guess not. Don't go off telling people what to do with their lives, it's none of your business how they deal with their infertility.
Load More Replies... Phoebe Bean 3 years ago
Wow, he couldn´t care less for her feelings (and brings back all these Handmaid´s Tale´s vibes)
Miss Benzo 3 years ago
I didn't even read through the whole write up before coming here to say: *WHAT ARRANT RUBBISH!* Do people like this posters husband really exist? No man should ever need to say such things to his wife. What's wrong with people??
Brittany Giedraitis 3 years ago
stress makes u not conceive, try marrying not an a*****e ur fertility might even come back
Maggie Man 3 years ago
What exactly does the "traditional way" mean to the husband? Does it involve him ejaculating into a syringe, and then for the sister to inject the semen directly into her vagina? It'd be good clear things up.
That'sEndorable 3 years ago
Let's be real: we're not likely talking having sex one time. Could be dozens of times. Also: this is exactly how all the trouble in the Middle East started, at least according to the sacred histories of Jews, Muslims AND Christians. Ishmael, son of Hagar, surrogate of Sarah, wife of Abraham. The Muslims claim Arabs are descended of him, while the Jews claim they're descended from Sarah's son, Isaac.
Cindy Snow 3 years ago
Situation is just messed up all around. I suggest either use a sperm donor( not related in any way) or go to a sperm bank. Husband has creepy fantasies and too comfortable sharing the idea.
Jill Pulcifer 3 years ago
If he wanted anything other than to bang the sister he would have suggested the also free turkey baster method.
Amused panda 3 years ago
Seems like hubby wants an excuse to cheat on OP with her sister...or (much less likely) he already has been, sister is pregnant and they want to disguise the evidence of their betrayal as being something for OP's benefit. Basically, OP would be well rid. Hopefully OP did get rid of the jerk.
Angie Ruloph 3 years ago
The husband is a worthless, horrible POS. Please leave this creature who calls himself a man and never speak to him again!
Sheila Simonson 3 years ago
hopefully he hasn't already done it and there is already a pregnancy for him to hurry up and talk you into before things become obvious.
Cathelijne Van 3 years ago
I'm sorry but calling bs here. Every hospital, every clinic, all information on surrogates and getting pregnant quickly works with checking your hormone level (to find your fertile moment in the month) and then placing the semen with a tool (don't know the name). I do not believe this story. Too crazy
BlahBlah 3 years ago (edited)
1. Your sister being a surrogate is not the proper way to do it. Some pointed out correctly: that would be your niece or naphew, not son or daughter! 2. Get away from this man ASAP. A divorce ASAP. No matter what!!! No way you can have ANY baby with him, any family! He's just a cold-blooded MF who wants to F... your sister. What a pathetic SOB!
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 3 years ago
Any women in the world should feel bad for not be able to get pregnant, let alone having your husband throwing this to your face. We wants to bang your sister. Divorce now because it's too late. Look for a sperm donor or adopt and be far away from this person.
Deborah Chapman 3 years ago
OMG, use a Turkey Baster. Its cheap and effective. If they don't not want to do that, then they really just want to f each other.
Random Panda 3 years ago
But then the child will be the woman's nephew and not her kid. The point of doing IVF surrogacy would be that they would take ova/sperm from the wife and husband, so the baby would be their bilogical child.
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