Get Premium
Dark mode theme is available exclusively for premium users. Learn more about the benefits of subscribing.
No fees, cancel anytime.
Dark Mode 
No fees, cancel anytime 
then open in external browser
and click "Open in External Browser" 
353
Family Wants To Cut Ties With Their Friends As They Just Won’t Discipline Their Atrocious 7YO
Going on vacation with friends can be a very fun experience. But it also can be not as fun. Sometimes even the slightest thing can ruin someone’s experience.
And sometimes something not as slight. For example, a child with behavioral problems. You see what we’re getting at, right? In today’s story, that’s what happened – an aggressive child ruined a vacation for a family that came along. And possibly not only the holiday – the relationship between the families too.
More info: Mumsnet
RELATED:
Raising an autistic child is challenging, and some parents deal with it way better than others
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
Two families went on vacation together, expecting it to be as fun as it used to be years ago
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
But it wasn’t – the one family’s autistic child revealed her behavioral problems, which manifested in her throwing tantrums and even being violent
Image credits: freepik / Freepik (not the actual photo)
What complicated things even more was that the parents of this girl were using the “never say no” technique, which just let the kid go rogue
Image credits: upoutandin87
So, the other family started avoiding their friends, whose kid basically ruined their vacation
The two families in today’s story used to go on holiday together. This year, after a few years’ break, they decided to do it again. It should be noted that the OP’s family has a 15-year-old withASD(autism spectrum disorder). And their friends also have a child with it, only she’s a bit younger.
And so, to talk about vacationing with ASD children, Bored Panda reached out to autism parent supporterJess. She said that one of the biggest challenges that families with members with autism spectrum disorder face while traveling is accessibility.
As an example, she gave her own family. Her children are 5 and 7 years old, but they haven’t been on vacation, as there’s too much risk: it could result in sensory overload and troubles with changes in routine.
She said: “Going out into the community can bring on a lot of sensory overload, and they will always request to go home or have a meltdown. This makes us very nervous to take our children on a holiday as we don’t have the ability to retreat to a safe place if we are far away.”
Jess pointed out that the judgment of others is also a big challenge. For instance, her children can be loud or awake during the night and it can disrupt other people’s vacations.
Coming back to today’s main story, the disruption of a vacation is the reason why the OP wrote the post in the first place. So, when both mentioned families went on holiday together, the author’s family realized how out of control their friends’ ASD kid is.
For instance, she throws a tantrum anytime she doesn’t get her way. She also gets violent – she slapped the original poster’s daughter and called her a B-word because she didn’t want to go to the pool. If that wasn’t enough, she threw the OP’s bag into the water too.
Image credits: kroshka__nastya / Freepik (not the actual photo)
So, no wonder the family was having a hard time enjoying their holiday when their friends’ kid had gone rogue. They also learned that the girl’s behavior problems aren’t apparent only on vacation. She was excluded from her primary school due to it too.
Apparently, the friends’ family uses the “never say no” parentingtechnique. Parents who never say no believe that not using negative words like that is beneficial for children. At the same time, othersarguethat children should hear the word “no” from time to time. It helps to set boundaries, which are necessary for kids’ development. Never hearing it can make a child grow up unable to function in the real world.
They also never take advice from the OP, even though they also have an autistic child. That’s why the author feels guilty – an autistic child having troubles is understandable, and she would like to help set boundaries or a routine, but friends refuse to let her.
Plus, neither she nor her family were enjoying the vacation due to this girl. And so, conflicted with all these feelings, she came online to ask what she should do.
Our interviewee said that while traveling with a family that has an ASD member, people should try to stay patient. Being off the routine can be triggering for an autistic child, which can cause behavioral problems. Yet, at least from what the author wrote in the post, it seems that the girl’s behavioral issues aren’t limited to vacations and her parents are applying unfit parenting techniques to deal with it.
And since the OP’s husband couldn’t stand it, he said that they should cut ties with the family until they start disciplining their child. Interestingly, people on Mumsnet had kind of a similar idea. Many advised them to change accommodation and enjoy their vacation separately.
So, since there’s currently no proper update, we can’t be sure whether the author and her family took the netizens’ advice or not. But seeing how guilty the woman felt about being critical of her friends’ parenting, they might not have taken it. But maybe we can hope that she’ll be able to get through to her friends and they’ll consider changing their parenting attitude.
People online were understanding of this kind of reaction and even advised the family to get other accommodation so they could enjoy their holiday
Poll Question
Total votes ·
Thanks! Check out the results:
Total votes ·
Newsletter
Subscribe to Access
Exclusive Polls
By entering your email and clicking Subscribe, you're agreeing to let us send you customized marketing messages about us and our advertising partners. You are also agreeing to our Privacy Policy.
Thank you! You've successfully subscribed to newsletters!
What do you think ?
arthbach 1 year ago
The problem is not the child, but the parents refusing to parent. Raising an autistic child can be beyond challenging, but the solution most definitely does include the word 'No'.
greenideas 1 year ago
True, but a) their parenting is not OP's responsibility, b) talking to them would likely result in defensiveness or hostility, and c) even IF they are willing to start parenting their child, it will be a while before any results are visible, so this vacation is ruined either way.
Load More Replies...
kittylexy 1 year ago
Those parents are doing that kid a lot of harm and when she grows into an adult, she's not going to be able to cope
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
She'll be in prison before adulthood. A violent and uncontrolled teenager will end up being charged with assault (and sadly, maybe even manslaughter). That's where this girl is heading.
Load More Replies...
Aidan Pite 1 year ago
"You have to do what she wants, if you don't do what she wants she kicks off so we have to do what she wants" Okay, well... that might 'work' for now (it doesn't but for the sake of the argument...). but what are you going to do in ten years when she's got teenager strength and can't accept that you won't buy her a car?
JLo 1 year ago
Or she wants to run into the street, run away from home, torture the family dog? Kids who are never given firm boundaries end up with no friends and unable to hold a job. Better to set boundaries now, then to wait for society to set them.
Load More Replies...
Allison Slagle (Randomosity) 1 year ago
There's one more kid who won't be able to survive in the real world and have to live with their parents for the rest of their life, while wondering why nobody wants to be around them
Billie Maier 1 year ago
Just because a child has autism doesn't mean they are unable to control their behavior. Throwing a fit like this is a manipulation tactic. By letting a child have whatever they want all the time if they behave violently they learn that violence is the correct thing to do.
Paul C 1 year ago
The autistic spectrum is wide, but generally those that can grow and become independent living adults thrive in a safe, consistent environment, with clear, sensible rules (and known consequences). They do better with responsibilities (you must do this...) than with rights (you can do anything you want...) - which can be very confusing and stressful. These parents seem to be completely oblivious to what their daughter needs, if she doesn't want to live in an institution (or prison if she isn't diagnosed properly / goes too far).
Chelsea McKee 1 year ago
This child is a brat, plain and simple. If you can't parent your child, don't be surprised when others don't want to be friends with you.
Susan Schlee 1 year ago (edited)
Special needs kids CAN learn discipline! It's up to the parents to enforce it. What's going to happen in 10 years when she has a meltdown in public and the police are called? "But officer, if you just let her tear up the store and put other people in danger, she'll be just fine."?! Nope, she's going to jail. The parents better start enforcing boundaries and consequences for her bad behavior NOW, because she will be completely uncontrollable when she's older.
Melissa anderson 1 year ago
Those parents should be reported to CPS. They are damaging their child by not having boundaries and by not saying NO!. They are refusing to actually parent their child and letting the kid control everything.
Queenie G 1 year ago
What is DD, DH, ND, etc. I see this a lot now and have no idea what it means.
Carrie de Luka 1 year ago
DH, DW, DP, DS, DD, DF, DB, - dear husband, dear wife, dear partner, dear son, dear daughter, dear fiance, dear boyfriend and ND neuro diverse or divergent. Hope that helps.
Load More Replies...
Margaret Nupponen 1 year ago
I volunteered for 22 years at a recreational facility for people with special needs. Many parents do not realize that it is possible and okay to expect such children to learn to behave themselves. They have got to take control before the child grows so big and strong that they are virtually uncontrollable.
Mad McQueen 1 year ago
Move to a diff location. No need to explain. If they complain say that you're not wasting your trip because parents can't parent. Your kids and family come first for safety and attention. Not babysitting or being harassed by a brat. Regardless of disorder. Those parents should be taking care of the kid an. Putting her in time outs.
Ash Conner 1 year ago
Maybe they can reach out to a local organization back home to help with their 7 year old. The only thing is some areas have zero help for autism. It is extra hard if the 7 year old has ADHD.
Red Skye 1 year ago
Never saying no to a temper tantrum throwing child is a one way ticket to a violent teen who will end up in juvenile detention, be way more dangerous to her parents, and well take note of the Autistic MAN-Child who beat the life out of a teacher who took away his game console, he is NOW IN PRISION, and that is where this brat will end up.
Jack Butler 1 year ago
Look the parents in the eye, smile and say "every time that child hits another kid, I'ma punch you in the face. Every time she breaks something, I'm going to break something of yours". Follow through. Two days tops till they step up
Yvette Dominguez 1 year ago
I work with DA and in my family. Structure and routine helps them thrive. Typically they don't do well with change but are able to adapt as long as there is structure. They can be disciplined not in the same way as an average child. It's important to get them into programs and therapy, the younger the better. We mostly see parents and grandparents as the problem.
jennifer brinkman 1 year ago
My grandmother babysat for a child with one half of her brain in two pieces. Ashley was disciplined like the other children because it was best for her. She threw fits and her mom had no control. Grandma did! No fits no seizures! Ashley loved my grandmother!
Sarah Léon 1 year ago
Autism runs in the family. I was not diagnosed as a child so my mother raised me like any other kid. It was not always easy with communication and all, but I became a well adjusted adult. So when my sister had her son and we saw he was autistic too, I told her to keep an eye on the challenges but to raise him like any other kid. Now my nephew is 15 and very well behave. On the contrary, my father had 2 other kids and when I saw they were autistic too, I gave him the same advice but he refused to follow. My little sister was very agressive and had a lot of tantrum because of anxiety... and they let her do and never said "no" to her. Except I would do it when I saw her 5 days a year. She is 17 now and 2 years ago she heard for the 1st time in her life she can be unbearable at times (from me of course). She couldn't handle it. She has a lot of anxiety and is seen as condescending at best when she talks.
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
The parents have made their own issues. Now they must change their discipline style, or live with what they've created. An uncontrolled and violent 7 year old is going to be an uncontrolled and violent teenager. This teenager is going to be in prison for violence (and maybe even manslaughter) before she makes it to adulthood. Have the parents figured that one out yet? Maybe that's their plan to get rid of her - who knows?
Sati Ainelda 1 year ago
My son was just like the little girl. She likely has a little known subset of autism called Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA. My son would go into rages, has changed schools several times due to behaviors, and destroyed many things in his younger years. It is absolutely a horrible situation for everyone involved, and it's not a matter of them not 'parenting' the child. Literally nothing works, not even methods like ABA that are developed specifically for ASD. My son did not respond to any form of discipline, it just angered him more. We had to learn how to tell him 'no' without using the actual word. Many parents with PDA children engage in what's called low demand parenting to reduce the chances of a meltdown. OP has an ASD child, she should know that it's called a spectrum for a reason and show her friend some empathy even if they end up no longer going on holiday together.
DC and S 1 year ago
OP clearly states empathy for her friend. But also wants to keep herself and her kids away from a situation where they are being assaulted. The parents need more.(Professional) Support on how to set acceptable boundaries for their child! For the child's sake as well as others. It is possible and necessary.
Load More Replies... arthbach 1 year ago
The problem is not the child, but the parents refusing to parent. Raising an autistic child can be beyond challenging, but the solution most definitely does include the word 'No'.
greenideas 1 year ago
True, but a) their parenting is not OP's responsibility, b) talking to them would likely result in defensiveness or hostility, and c) even IF they are willing to start parenting their child, it will be a while before any results are visible, so this vacation is ruined either way.
Load More Replies... kittylexy 1 year ago
Those parents are doing that kid a lot of harm and when she grows into an adult, she's not going to be able to cope
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
She'll be in prison before adulthood. A violent and uncontrolled teenager will end up being charged with assault (and sadly, maybe even manslaughter). That's where this girl is heading.
Load More Replies... Aidan Pite 1 year ago
"You have to do what she wants, if you don't do what she wants she kicks off so we have to do what she wants" Okay, well... that might 'work' for now (it doesn't but for the sake of the argument...). but what are you going to do in ten years when she's got teenager strength and can't accept that you won't buy her a car?
JLo 1 year ago
Or she wants to run into the street, run away from home, torture the family dog? Kids who are never given firm boundaries end up with no friends and unable to hold a job. Better to set boundaries now, then to wait for society to set them.
Load More Replies... Allison Slagle (Randomosity) 1 year ago
There's one more kid who won't be able to survive in the real world and have to live with their parents for the rest of their life, while wondering why nobody wants to be around them
Billie Maier 1 year ago
Just because a child has autism doesn't mean they are unable to control their behavior. Throwing a fit like this is a manipulation tactic. By letting a child have whatever they want all the time if they behave violently they learn that violence is the correct thing to do.
Paul C 1 year ago
The autistic spectrum is wide, but generally those that can grow and become independent living adults thrive in a safe, consistent environment, with clear, sensible rules (and known consequences). They do better with responsibilities (you must do this...) than with rights (you can do anything you want...) - which can be very confusing and stressful. These parents seem to be completely oblivious to what their daughter needs, if she doesn't want to live in an institution (or prison if she isn't diagnosed properly / goes too far).
Chelsea McKee 1 year ago
This child is a brat, plain and simple. If you can't parent your child, don't be surprised when others don't want to be friends with you.
Susan Schlee 1 year ago (edited)
Special needs kids CAN learn discipline! It's up to the parents to enforce it. What's going to happen in 10 years when she has a meltdown in public and the police are called? "But officer, if you just let her tear up the store and put other people in danger, she'll be just fine."?! Nope, she's going to jail. The parents better start enforcing boundaries and consequences for her bad behavior NOW, because she will be completely uncontrollable when she's older.
Melissa anderson 1 year ago
Those parents should be reported to CPS. They are damaging their child by not having boundaries and by not saying NO!. They are refusing to actually parent their child and letting the kid control everything.
Queenie G 1 year ago
What is DD, DH, ND, etc. I see this a lot now and have no idea what it means.
Carrie de Luka 1 year ago
DH, DW, DP, DS, DD, DF, DB, - dear husband, dear wife, dear partner, dear son, dear daughter, dear fiance, dear boyfriend and ND neuro diverse or divergent. Hope that helps.
Load More Replies... Margaret Nupponen 1 year ago
I volunteered for 22 years at a recreational facility for people with special needs. Many parents do not realize that it is possible and okay to expect such children to learn to behave themselves. They have got to take control before the child grows so big and strong that they are virtually uncontrollable.
Mad McQueen 1 year ago
Move to a diff location. No need to explain. If they complain say that you're not wasting your trip because parents can't parent. Your kids and family come first for safety and attention. Not babysitting or being harassed by a brat. Regardless of disorder. Those parents should be taking care of the kid an. Putting her in time outs.
Ash Conner 1 year ago
Maybe they can reach out to a local organization back home to help with their 7 year old. The only thing is some areas have zero help for autism. It is extra hard if the 7 year old has ADHD.
Red Skye 1 year ago
Never saying no to a temper tantrum throwing child is a one way ticket to a violent teen who will end up in juvenile detention, be way more dangerous to her parents, and well take note of the Autistic MAN-Child who beat the life out of a teacher who took away his game console, he is NOW IN PRISION, and that is where this brat will end up.
Jack Butler 1 year ago
Look the parents in the eye, smile and say "every time that child hits another kid, I'ma punch you in the face. Every time she breaks something, I'm going to break something of yours". Follow through. Two days tops till they step up
Yvette Dominguez 1 year ago
I work with DA and in my family. Structure and routine helps them thrive. Typically they don't do well with change but are able to adapt as long as there is structure. They can be disciplined not in the same way as an average child. It's important to get them into programs and therapy, the younger the better. We mostly see parents and grandparents as the problem.
jennifer brinkman 1 year ago
My grandmother babysat for a child with one half of her brain in two pieces. Ashley was disciplined like the other children because it was best for her. She threw fits and her mom had no control. Grandma did! No fits no seizures! Ashley loved my grandmother!
Sarah Léon 1 year ago
Autism runs in the family. I was not diagnosed as a child so my mother raised me like any other kid. It was not always easy with communication and all, but I became a well adjusted adult. So when my sister had her son and we saw he was autistic too, I told her to keep an eye on the challenges but to raise him like any other kid. Now my nephew is 15 and very well behave. On the contrary, my father had 2 other kids and when I saw they were autistic too, I gave him the same advice but he refused to follow. My little sister was very agressive and had a lot of tantrum because of anxiety... and they let her do and never said "no" to her. Except I would do it when I saw her 5 days a year. She is 17 now and 2 years ago she heard for the 1st time in her life she can be unbearable at times (from me of course). She couldn't handle it. She has a lot of anxiety and is seen as condescending at best when she talks.
Pamela Blue 1 year ago
The parents have made their own issues. Now they must change their discipline style, or live with what they've created. An uncontrolled and violent 7 year old is going to be an uncontrolled and violent teenager. This teenager is going to be in prison for violence (and maybe even manslaughter) before she makes it to adulthood. Have the parents figured that one out yet? Maybe that's their plan to get rid of her - who knows?
Sati Ainelda 1 year ago
My son was just like the little girl. She likely has a little known subset of autism called Pathological Demand Avoidance, or PDA. My son would go into rages, has changed schools several times due to behaviors, and destroyed many things in his younger years. It is absolutely a horrible situation for everyone involved, and it's not a matter of them not 'parenting' the child. Literally nothing works, not even methods like ABA that are developed specifically for ASD. My son did not respond to any form of discipline, it just angered him more. We had to learn how to tell him 'no' without using the actual word. Many parents with PDA children engage in what's called low demand parenting to reduce the chances of a meltdown. OP has an ASD child, she should know that it's called a spectrum for a reason and show her friend some empathy even if they end up no longer going on holiday together.
DC and S 1 year ago
OP clearly states empathy for her friend. But also wants to keep herself and her kids away from a situation where they are being assaulted. The parents need more.(Professional) Support on how to set acceptable boundaries for their child! For the child's sake as well as others. It is possible and necessary.
Load More Replies...
Related on Bored Panda
40
38