47 Funny And Awkward Texts That Should’ve Stayed In People’s Heads

Many of us are well aware that we should not text the ex. We broke up for a reason, and hitting that send button is like opening up a can of worms... Worms that we would rather live without. So why then do we do it?

"Many people can't stop thinking about their ex obsessively to ease a feeling of loneliness," says psychotherapist Fran Walfish. "Others, who truly loved their ex, can't let go. Some are afraid of getting out there again, so they keep their former relationship alive as a way of staying involved and not feeling single again." 

Natasha Adamo, a relationship expert and and bestselling author of Win Your Breakup: How To Be The One That Got Away, is a firm believer in not texting your ex. She says that often, we trick ourselves into thinking sending "just one message" will have a positive outcome.

Adamo explains that many people believe a text to the ex will give us validation that we mattered, closure, relief from missing them, proof we're not forgettable and hope that the other person has changed. But all of that is highly unlikely.

Instead, says Adamo, that text is more likely to boost your ex's ego, reset all your healing progress, cause weeks of anxiety while you over-analyze their response (or lack thereof, confirmation that you’re still available and ultimately, more pain than you started with.

"You’re not texting because you genuinely believe one message will fix everything. Deep down, you know it won’t. You’re texting because you’re starving," explains the relationship expert. "You were in a relationship with someone who couldn’t feed you emotionally. Someone who got validation by exploiting your hunger for theirs. Someone who conditioned you to survive on crumbs and convince yourself you were full. Now you’re out of the relationship, but the starvation lives on."

Not everyone believes you should never text your ex. Some say it largely depends on your intent. For example, if that text is going to help with your healing process, it might not be such a bad idea. However, if you're expecting an apology, then rather put down your phone. Likewise, if them not responding at all is going to send you into a crying heap on the floor, don't do it.

"Sometimes, we have lingering questions or things we left unsaid with an ex. It’s important in closure that we know what we want to say and do so on our terms so that the contact feels empowering as much as we can control," says K'Hara McKinney, a marriage and family therapist.

"Closure should be only about us and our needs—not how the person may or may not respond—and is not likely if we are relying on the other person to meet that emotional need," adds the expert. "Closure has to be more about us." 

Many experts agree that if your ex is in a new relationship, it's neither acceptable nor appropriate to text them. Leave them alone and focus on your own healing. Walfish says learning your former flame has moved on is actually an important step in the grieving process.

"Most folks entertain a certain fantasy that reconciliation of romance and all-good love will resume. When you learn your ex has a new relationship, the ending and [demise] of the fantasy must be faced, and the true mourning process begins," explains the psychotherapist.

Walfish reveals that learning that your ex has a new love can help speed up your healing process. "The depth of pain of the loss of love is usually felt at this point, and recovery is quicker because time has passed during the fantasy/hope phase," says the expert, adding that their new relationship forces you to move on with your life.

"And, painful as it feels, it is really a golden gift in disguise," Walfish adds. "Don't turn away that gift by sending a text to prolong the hurt."

And finally, regardless of whether your ex has moved on or not, it's never a good idea to send a drunk text at 2am. Or anytime, for that matter.

"When you’re drinking, vulnerable, or unable to be intentional and clear about why it is happening, reaching out to an ex tends to restart the grief process, so it’s important to make the contact count," says McKinney.

So what should you do if you find yourself desperate to text your ex against your better judgement? Keep scrolling to find out.

Adamo has devised a 7-step plan to prevent you from making contact with a toxic ex. The first, she says, is to put your phone in another room. "Physical distance creates mental space," explains the relationship expert. Next, text a friend instead. Tell them you want to text your ex and ask them to help stop you.

The third step is to call someone because hearing a voice helps interrupt the spiral. "Take a cold shower," adds Adamo. "I’m serious. It resets your nervous system." She also suggests moving your body. "Go for a walk, do 20 pushups, dance around your room. Movement processes emotion," she says.

Then, read your journal and remind yourself why you’re doing no contact. Finally, set a 20-minute timer. "Urges peak and pass," explains Adamo. "If you can resist for 20 minutes, the intensity will decrease."

Obviously, we don't always have the time to do all those things. But if you can manage at least one, you're a step closer to not opening up a can of worms.