As we grow older we become exposed to so many different parenting styles, and the more we get to know them the more we see adequacies and/or inadequacies. What are yours?

#1

That being just yourself is enough and you don't need to please everyone around you. Also that firm "NO" is not being rude or harsh but just caring about your mental and physical self.

Report

FearReaper
Community Member
11 months ago

Im trying to learn that, but its hard...

View More Replies...
View more comments
#2

That taking breaks, relaxing, and having fun are an important part of self-care. My parents are incredibly hard workers and would work past the breaking point, leading them to be stressed and irritable. I know it was to give my sisters and I good opportunities, so I am thankful. I wish, however, that they would realize that relaxing and having fun is OK and something they need to do to sustain themselves. To this day, my partner still needs to remind me to take breaks.

Report

Sara Marie
Community Member
11 months ago

Agreed!

#3

It is 100% ok to say no to something. If someone needs a ride and you don't feel like it? You can say no. Don't want to go out tonight? Say no. No one is obligating you to do something you don't want to.

Report

Sarah
Community Member
11 months ago

Yes, this. I was taught instead to be accommodating to everyone. Guess what skill I didn't have, then, when boys started pressuring me to have sex? Right.

View More Replies...
View more comments
#4

YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT THINGS.
ITS NOT ILLEGAL TO TELL YOUR FAMILY ONE THING THAT YOU THINK AND THEN CHANGE YOUR MIND
I struggled with this with my sexuality/gender, i told my parents i was bi, then i was like oh shoot i think im a lesbian. and i thought i couldn't tell them because i already came out.
REMEMBER THAT, IT"S OKAY TO CHANGE

Report

Tracy Sellars
Community Member
11 months ago

I wouldn't say you are changing your mind about your sexuality rather you are discovering who you truly are.

View More Replies...
View more comments
#5

You can learn as much (if not more) from your failures than your successes.
Never be afraid to try because you might fail.
from building relationships to rebuilding an engine, I use this advice daily.

Report

Jill Tremblay
Community Member
11 months ago

Good one !

#6

To not handle stress the way they did. My mom would explode in anger. My dad would repress. Neither one is healthy, and I do both. I developed anxiety and depression when I started puberty and am still dealing with both more than 40 years later, and still struggling with healthy coping mechanisms.

Report

Jill Tremblay
Community Member
11 months ago

The trouble with this is...... No one really knows the "correct" way to handle stress and EVERY single person on earth is going to handle it differently. You can have internal stress that you don't even realize you have only to end up with a panic attack and major anxiety. Talk to people, admit your anxiety and try to read and learn from MANY MANY people. Do what is best for you.

View more comments
#7

My parents often thought that if they didn’t tell me about something that they didn’t think would be a problem, then it wouldn’t apply to me.

The one that has affected me most significantly is Financial management: living within my means, bills, debts, credit, taxes, credit scores, savings, emergency funds and budgeting… in turn that converted to being stuck in bad situations, abusive relationships, horrible jobs and endangering myself in various ways trying to numb the pain.

Money conversations were off limits and I spent my 20’s being anxious, severely in debt and ashamed that I didn’t know better. I was completely clueless and constantly stuck and couldn’t talk to them about it because they didn’t understand.

10 years (and about £100k in interest/fees later) I live debt free and frugally with the conscious aim of always having an exit plan and enough money to support the privilege of a life with options.

Report

Kathy L
Community Member
11 months ago

Congrats for turning it around! You've cleaned your family roots of this issue.

View more comments
#8

How to save money. Perhaps more important thing, knowing how to spend it wisely.

Report

Miss Frankfurter
Community Member
11 months ago

This!

View more comments
#9

That they, nor you, are perfect and this is okay.

Report

#10

That smoking turns you into a slave to nicotine to the point where you’ll do any disgusting thing to get a hit. It is just as bad as any other drug n I’ve been addicted for about 40 years now. I showed my kid aged seven or eight at the time me making roll ups from the butts in my ashtray n told her this is the real “glamour” of smoking. I’m proud to say she never started. She’s nigh on 32 now, so looks like I got that right!

Report

Manndy Fisher
Community Member
11 months ago

Yes, I can 100% relate to that. And well done to you for teaching her a good lesson. I hope I will succeed in that too.

View more comments
#11

That it's OK to just be me...and that I don't need to be like everyone else.

Report

Helen Haley
Community Member
11 months ago

I wish my mom had done this a little less. Do you know how hard it is when you don't fit in anywhere?

View More Replies...
View more comments
#12

I wish my mom would have thought me more about adult life and what to expect from it. I learned at a very young age to take care of myself, but I always wished I knew more about how the world worked.

Report

Jill Tremblay
Community Member
11 months ago

No one really knows how the world works. Thankfully there is the internet for you know to learn anything you want to.

#13

Posture. They told me to sit up straight, but just left it as "it looks bad" or even just "because we said so"

If someone had told me "Hey, if you slouch and have bad posture, when you get into your 40s and 50s, you will have nearly crippling pain from arthritis and other issues that it will cause", then MAYBE I would have listened, and avoided some of this...

Report

Eventually
Community Member
11 months ago

I have scoliosis, and I think I need to learn this. I'm 17, and I just have trouble thinking so far ahead. Do you have any advice?

#14

It isn’t a lesson, but I wished they would’ve stopped me from over eating/forcing me to eat healthy. I now suffer from false body dysmorphia, and have finally been seeing loss in weight after years of over eating.

Report

#15

A better understanding of ADHD!

Report

#16

Anger management.

Report

Caro Caro
Community Member
11 months ago

Lots of people underestimate this.

#17

How to manage and express your emotions in a healthy way

Report

Helen Haley
Community Member
11 months ago

They probably didn't know.

#18

That is ok to fail. I was identified as gifted/talented in 2nd grade & spent the rest of my school years with the expectation that I'd succeed at everything without really trying. When I lost interest in school they treated me like a pariah & in adulthood I've struggled with perfectionism as a result.

Report

Leigh C.
Community Member
11 months ago

I wasn't a "gifted" student but I was considered talented in art, in general, just because I loved to draw and was good for my age. Not a pariah. But the pedestal I was placed on did nothing for my art education. I was expected to have prior understanding of proportioning, light/dark ratios and value, how shapes are pretty much the only thing that matters. As an adult I took a hiatus from picking up a pencil to sketch. If I forced myself I couldn't do anything but scribble and lost any motivation in pursuing a career in art, as I had wanted to growing up. I became lost and living in survival mode. I've just gotten back into art this year and finding I need to learn the basics I should've been taught in school.

#19

Sex education, how it works, how to be safe and healthy etc.

Report

#20

How to manage money! My parents never gave us an allowance. I know that not every kid gets that...but with my son, we paid him small amounts to help us with chores that were outside his regular list. As a result, not only did he learn that you can get what you want later if you are willing to sacrifice now...but that a good days work can make all the difference in how much faster you can get to your goal.

Report

Helen Haley
Community Member
11 months ago

This isn't strictly true.

View more comments
#21

How to speak the language that half of my family speaks all the time. Some extended relatives don’t even speak english! Now I have to learn myself and it’s so much harder.

Report

Caro Caro
Community Member
11 months ago

This. My dutch parents in Aussie forgot to teach us dutch. It was hard when we moved to the Netherlands at first.

View more comments
#22

That it is not ok to put other people down, no matter how different from you they are.

Report

Ana.V.
Community Member
11 months ago

This!

#23

i wish they had told me that it's ok to have some standards or expectations in relationships.
I have been told that should be grateful if anyone ever wants to spend time with me, since I'm "so difficult" and just "an intense person".
It's probably right, I think I am indeed too intense and somewhat hard to be around.

But still.
When I was with my first boyfriend, I never said no to anything. "Why would he still want to spend time with me, of I don't do what he likes?" is what i thought back than. I avoid relationships now since that didn't work out too well.
If anything bothers me, I don't dare to talk about it. So my friendships tend to be exhausting for me and than they fail. "why would they want to spend time with me if i complain?" is what i think now.

I can't seem to find a way out of this.

Report

S
Community Member
11 months ago

I, too, am an intense person. There are people out there who are good people of substance, who would be a good partner for you. I recommend three things: 1) Be friends first. If you just jump into a relationship without being friends first, of course you will seem like "a lot to handle". But if you are friends first, you build a relationship where they get to know who you are and how you function slowly. 2) Understand you can be a lot and find ways to spread out your 'a lot-ness'. Have multiple people that you go to for support. Your partner is a huge part of your life, but they should not be ALL of it. 3) Check out a therapist. If that's too expensive, write in a private blog or journal. Also - your intensity is a gift. There are plenty of people who appreciate and cherish people like you and me. Just realize that like any skill, it requires practice and honing to master and use positively and intentionally (think of like any super hero's origin story and how they start off.). :)

#24

I’m a twin. My sister was the perfect kid: straight A student, popular, outgoing, well-adjusted, beautiful. I was always in her shadow. I still am. I wish they would have taught me that success, beauty, and quirks have many faces. I still struggle with self esteem and it created a wedge between us for a long time but we’re in a better place now. Never put your kids against each other, especially twins. I wish they would have taught me just because I’m not like her, doesn’t mean I’m a failure.

Report

Improperplays
Community Member
10 months ago

But. You are :)

#25

I wish my parents explained to me that private colleges cost (a lot!) more than state schools. It's embarrassing to admit now, but I had no idea. No one told me! To their credit, they didn't go to college so they probably didn't know either. I grew up in a pretty poor area, the high school didn't have college prep counselors or anything, so I found this out the hard way.

Report

Jill Tremblay
Community Member
11 months ago

I'm just curious how you found this out "the hard way". Did you attend a private college for a year and THEN get the bill? It doesn't usually work that way.....

View More Replies...
View more comments
#26

That I am enough and deserve respect.

Report

Kaleb
Community Member
10 months ago

True

#27

How to tie my own shoes. People make so much fun of me and my velcro strap shoes!!!!!!!

Report

Terilee Bruyere
Community Member
11 months ago

I don't know why that was downvoted. There are occupational therapy tools (try Fun and Function) that can help you learn to tie your shoes. There are also bungie laces available that don't have that velcro look to them.

View more comments
#28

That not speaking about things doesn't mean they're not happening.

Report

Jill Tremblay
Community Member
11 months ago

This goes against the Laws of Attraction.

#29

I wish my parents had taught me money and time management.

Report

#30

That it's a much greater feeling when people notice how smart, lovely, talented, or funny you are...without you telling them.

Report

#31

What to do, how to react, when I told them I was bullied at school. My mother just said I should ignore it. And how to defend myself against sexual abuse. There were two times when I was abuse by friends of the family. My father doesn't know of it. My mother does and she does nothing.

Report

PixxelDust
Community Member
11 months ago

So horrible! PLEASE tell someone. Preferably the police. Worst case scenario they can't find any evidence and you continue as normal. PLEASE DO NOT STAY SILENT! IT'S THE WORST POSSIBLE MOVE~

See Also on Bored Panda
#32

IQ and Emotional Intelligence are neither related nor interchangeable.

Report

#33

This simple sentence: "I'll think about it".
That one simple sentence has increased my savings more than anything else over the years. Whenever I'm tempted to buy an item on impulse in a shop or feeling pressured by the assistant, I just tell them (or myself) 'I'll think about it. 9 out of 10 times I won't go back because I don't really need that item, and money saved is as good as money earned.

Report

Leigh C.
Community Member
11 months ago

I like to tell myself "It's nice to look at. That's it. I don't need it in my place to collect dust and look at every day."

#34

Making mistakes is okay. You don't need to be perfect and you don't need to give your 100% at all time if it means you will get burn out and not be able to give at all.

Perfectionism has ruined and paralyzed my life over the years, and I'm just having to unlearn it and stop overthinking and just do it and take risks sometimes...

Report

#35

That everyone becomes either more or less attractive as you get to know them. Remember which you category you'd want to be in.

Report

#36

Kindness. Both of my parents came from rather harsh upbringings. There wasn't a lot of kindness

Report

Ana.V.
Community Member
11 months ago

I can feel you

#37

I wish I had been taught to budget, delay gratification, to avoid alcohol, save for retirement, be emotionally stronger. Now that I'm "older" I accept responsibility to learn and live these things, but it would have been so much easier to learn these things as a teenager or younger.

Report

John C
Community Member
11 months ago

but WOULD you have learned them from your parents' lectures? many have to make their own mistakes to really learn these lessons. don't beat yourself up too bad

View More Replies...
View more comments
#38

Humanity is f****d

Report

#39

Where the tape measure is and to use it to measure my bra size every so often. I got sent to the hospital because my bra was too tight and I was bleeding. If you think “omg how did I not notice!” It’s because it was a fairly old bra I hadn’t worn in a while but I thought it still fit. Now I measure myself like every day.

Report

Leigh C.
Community Member
11 months ago

Omg.

#40

To think for yourself, and question beliefs, do your own research...then they wouldn't have joined that cult...

Report

Kaleb
Community Member
10 months ago

Damn

#41

Accept yourself

Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#42

That you don’t need a degree to be successful and to follow what you’re passionate in life

Report

#43

To be unafraid. Don't be afraid of going out of your comfort zone...to travel, to try new things. My mother was over-protective and afraid of everything. Don't go here because it's not safe. Don't do that because you'll fail. I wish they had pushed me to be braver.

Report

PixxelDust
Community Member
11 months ago

Worse if your parents shove you off to soccer training when you're literally having a panic attack and tell you you'll feel better afterwards. (spoiler: I spent another 2 hours still having the panic attack after)

#44

that you're not the center of the universe. you're not a little god, or king. and that you should become financiary independant before starting any consideration about yourself. Live into the real life, then you'll maybe be allowed to place a judgement

Report

#45

I wish I was taught more about gender and sexual orientation. sure, my parents are accepting bu

Report

Community Member
11 months ago

Oops it got cut off- I meant to say my parents are accepting, but I never really was told about any of that. I learned it on my own.

#46

To not take s**t from anyone including yourself or them.

Report

#47

Ambition and drive. I wish my parents had pushed me harder and made me strive and plan ahead. I don't blame them for anything but I wish my dad especially had been more involved and I wish mum had pushed back when I didn't try hard enough.

Report

#48

I wish they'd taught me how to keep a secret or be discreet.... I was a bit always like that anyway, even before i became an intel analyist.... but it does still piss me off a bit that both my mum and dad thrive off gossip and neither can keep anything to them f****n' selves for longer than it takes to dial their mates and gossip.

Report

#49

How to prepare for college and get into an actual career. None of my parents went to college. I don't even know where to start on how to pay for tuition, or where to go to get some sort of experience.

Report

#50

How to manage money. Wise spending, budgeting, savings, tithing, how to use a credit card, this list goes on.

Report

#51

How to deal with money.

Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#52

Clean your teeth!
I was never taught how important oral hygiene was.
I did with my own kids telling them if they neglected their chompers, they would end up with the tombstones I have.

Report

#53

Studying. I was basically labelled as 'gifted' and cruised through primary skill. I am now stuck in an extension program in high school with little study skill and zero motivation. Thanks mum.

Report

Community Member
11 months ago

School, not skill***

#54

That real parents try the best they can, and sometimes the get disappointments that could take

Report

#55

"No matter how hard you try nor how much you believe in yourself, you will fail and hurt anyway because life is hell and people are demons."

Report

PixxelDust
Community Member
11 months ago

someone finally understands.