Hey Pandas, What’s The One Lesson You Wish Your Parents Taught You As A Child? (Closed)
As we grow older we become exposed to so many different parenting styles, and the more we get to know them the more we see adequacies and/or inadequacies. What are yours?
That being just yourself is enough and you don't need to please everyone around you. Also that firm "NO" is not being rude or harsh but just caring about your mental and physical self.
That taking breaks, relaxing, and having fun are an important part of self-care. My parents are incredibly hard workers and would work past the breaking point, leading them to be stressed and irritable. I know it was to give my sisters and I good opportunities, so I am thankful. I wish, however, that they would realize that relaxing and having fun is OK and something they need to do to sustain themselves. To this day, my partner still needs to remind me to take breaks.
It is 100% ok to say no to something. If someone needs a ride and you don't feel like it? You can say no. Don't want to go out tonight? Say no. No one is obligating you to do something you don't want to.
YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR MIND ABOUT THINGS.
ITS NOT ILLEGAL TO TELL YOUR FAMILY ONE THING THAT YOU THINK AND THEN CHANGE YOUR MIND
I struggled with this with my sexuality/gender, i told my parents i was bi, then i was like oh shoot i think im a lesbian. and i thought i couldn't tell them because i already came out.
REMEMBER THAT, IT"S OKAY TO CHANGE
You can learn as much (if not more) from your failures than your successes.
Never be afraid to try because you might fail.
from building relationships to rebuilding an engine, I use this advice daily.
To not handle stress the way they did. My mom would explode in anger. My dad would repress. Neither one is healthy, and I do both. I developed anxiety and depression when I started puberty and am still dealing with both more than 40 years later, and still struggling with healthy coping mechanisms.
My parents often thought that if they didn’t tell me about something that they didn’t think would be a problem, then it wouldn’t apply to me.
The one that has affected me most significantly is Financial management: living within my means, bills, debts, credit, taxes, credit scores, savings, emergency funds and budgeting… in turn that converted to being stuck in bad situations, abusive relationships, horrible jobs and endangering myself in various ways trying to numb the pain.
Money conversations were off limits and I spent my 20’s being anxious, severely in debt and ashamed that I didn’t know better. I was completely clueless and constantly stuck and couldn’t talk to them about it because they didn’t understand.
10 years (and about £100k in interest/fees later) I live debt free and frugally with the conscious aim of always having an exit plan and enough money to support the privilege of a life with options.
How to save money. Perhaps more important thing, knowing how to spend it wisely.
That they, nor you, are perfect and this is okay.
That smoking turns you into a slave to nicotine to the point where you’ll do any disgusting thing to get a hit. It is just as bad as any other drug n I’ve been addicted for about 40 years now. I showed my kid aged seven or eight at the time me making roll ups from the butts in my ashtray n told her this is the real “glamour” of smoking. I’m proud to say she never started. She’s nigh on 32 now, so looks like I got that right!
That it's OK to just be me...and that I don't need to be like everyone else.
I wish my mom would have thought me more about adult life and what to expect from it. I learned at a very young age to take care of myself, but I always wished I knew more about how the world worked.
Posture. They told me to sit up straight, but just left it as "it looks bad" or even just "because we said so"
If someone had told me "Hey, if you slouch and have bad posture, when you get into your 40s and 50s, you will have nearly crippling pain from arthritis and other issues that it will cause", then MAYBE I would have listened, and avoided some of this...
It isn’t a lesson, but I wished they would’ve stopped me from over eating/forcing me to eat healthy. I now suffer from false body dysmorphia, and have finally been seeing loss in weight after years of over eating.
A better understanding of ADHD!
How to manage and express your emotions in a healthy way
That is ok to fail. I was identified as gifted/talented in 2nd grade & spent the rest of my school years with the expectation that I'd succeed at everything without really trying. When I lost interest in school they treated me like a pariah & in adulthood I've struggled with perfectionism as a result.
Sex education, how it works, how to be safe and healthy etc.
How to manage money! My parents never gave us an allowance. I know that not every kid gets that...but with my son, we paid him small amounts to help us with chores that were outside his regular list. As a result, not only did he learn that you can get what you want later if you are willing to sacrifice now...but that a good days work can make all the difference in how much faster you can get to your goal.
How to speak the language that half of my family speaks all the time. Some extended relatives don’t even speak english! Now I have to learn myself and it’s so much harder.
That it is not ok to put other people down, no matter how different from you they are.
i wish they had told me that it's ok to have some standards or expectations in relationships.
I have been told that should be grateful if anyone ever wants to spend time with me, since I'm "so difficult" and just "an intense person".
It's probably right, I think I am indeed too intense and somewhat hard to be around.
When I was with my first boyfriend, I never said no to anything. "Why would he still want to spend time with me, of I don't do what he likes?" is what i thought back than. I avoid relationships now since that didn't work out too well.
If anything bothers me, I don't dare to talk about it. So my friendships tend to be exhausting for me and than they fail. "why would they want to spend time with me if i complain?" is what i think now.
I can't seem to find a way out of this.
I’m a twin. My sister was the perfect kid: straight A student, popular, outgoing, well-adjusted, beautiful. I was always in her shadow. I still am. I wish they would have taught me that success, beauty, and quirks have many faces. I still struggle with self esteem and it created a wedge between us for a long time but we’re in a better place now. Never put your kids against each other, especially twins. I wish they would have taught me just because I’m not like her, doesn’t mean I’m a failure.
I wish my parents explained to me that private colleges cost (a lot!) more than state schools. It's embarrassing to admit now, but I had no idea. No one told me! To their credit, they didn't go to college so they probably didn't know either. I grew up in a pretty poor area, the high school didn't have college prep counselors or anything, so I found this out the hard way.
That I am enough and deserve respect.
How to tie my own shoes. People make so much fun of me and my velcro strap shoes!!!!!!!
That not speaking about things doesn't mean they're not happening.
I wish my parents had taught me money and time management.
That it's a much greater feeling when people notice how smart, lovely, talented, or funny you are...without you telling them.
What to do, how to react, when I told them I was bullied at school. My mother just said I should ignore it. And how to defend myself against sexual abuse. There were two times when I was abuse by friends of the family. My father doesn't know of it. My mother does and she does nothing.
IQ and Emotional Intelligence are neither related nor interchangeable.
This simple sentence: "I'll think about it".
That one simple sentence has increased my savings more than anything else over the years. Whenever I'm tempted to buy an item on impulse in a shop or feeling pressured by the assistant, I just tell them (or myself) 'I'll think about it. 9 out of 10 times I won't go back because I don't really need that item, and money saved is as good as money earned.
Making mistakes is okay. You don't need to be perfect and you don't need to give your 100% at all time if it means you will get burn out and not be able to give at all.
Perfectionism has ruined and paralyzed my life over the years, and I'm just having to unlearn it and stop overthinking and just do it and take risks sometimes...
That everyone becomes either more or less attractive as you get to know them. Remember which you category you'd want to be in.
Kindness. Both of my parents came from rather harsh upbringings. There wasn't a lot of kindness
I wish I had been taught to budget, delay gratification, to avoid alcohol, save for retirement, be emotionally stronger. Now that I'm "older" I accept responsibility to learn and live these things, but it would have been so much easier to learn these things as a teenager or younger.
Humanity is f****d
Where the tape measure is and to use it to measure my bra size every so often. I got sent to the hospital because my bra was too tight and I was bleeding. If you think “omg how did I not notice!” It’s because it was a fairly old bra I hadn’t worn in a while but I thought it still fit. Now I measure myself like every day.
To think for yourself, and question beliefs, do your own research...then they wouldn't have joined that cult...
That you don’t need a degree to be successful and to follow what you’re passionate in life
To be unafraid. Don't be afraid of going out of your comfort zone...to travel, to try new things. My mother was over-protective and afraid of everything. Don't go here because it's not safe. Don't do that because you'll fail. I wish they had pushed me to be braver.
that you're not the center of the universe. you're not a little god, or king. and that you should become financiary independant before starting any consideration about yourself. Live into the real life, then you'll maybe be allowed to place a judgement
I wish I was taught more about gender and sexual orientation. sure, my parents are accepting bu
To not take s**t from anyone including yourself or them.
Ambition and drive. I wish my parents had pushed me harder and made me strive and plan ahead. I don't blame them for anything but I wish my dad especially had been more involved and I wish mum had pushed back when I didn't try hard enough.
I wish they'd taught me how to keep a secret or be discreet.... I was a bit always like that anyway, even before i became an intel analyist.... but it does still piss me off a bit that both my mum and dad thrive off gossip and neither can keep anything to them f****n' selves for longer than it takes to dial their mates and gossip.
How to prepare for college and get into an actual career. None of my parents went to college. I don't even know where to start on how to pay for tuition, or where to go to get some sort of experience.
How to manage money. Wise spending, budgeting, savings, tithing, how to use a credit card, this list goes on.
How to deal with money.
Clean your teeth!
I was never taught how important oral hygiene was.
I did with my own kids telling them if they neglected their chompers, they would end up with the tombstones I have.
Studying. I was basically labelled as 'gifted' and cruised through primary skill. I am now stuck in an extension program in high school with little study skill and zero motivation. Thanks mum.
That real parents try the best they can, and sometimes the get disappointments that could take
"No matter how hard you try nor how much you believe in yourself, you will fail and hurt anyway because life is hell and people are demons."