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15submissions
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Hey Pandas, What Moment Made You Realize It Was Time To End A Relationship?
Describe the “Aha” moment when you knew you were done.
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#1
When he twisted our one year old dogs ear, painfully, all the way around for hitting his jeans slightly with a stick while walking in the woods. That ended our nine year relationship. Took the dog with me and never looked back.
Final score:
10points
RELATED:
#2
When I realized I couldn't tolerate the disrespect. 7 years. Yeah, a relationship is hard work. Agreed. But when your knees buckle from the weight of it running both of your lives, the kids lives, the house and every other aspect of our lives while you go actually "live" your life. No. We should be able to count on each other. Trust each other. When my ears burn from your criticisms, your belittlement's. No. I will tolerate no less than what I give. A big one is respect. Yeah, people are always telling us how "relationships are hard work" or "you have to work through it." Ok. Well you can't carry a couch up the steps by yourself now can you. I want one of those relationships that last a lifetime. I do. I get so jealous watching my sister and her husband...what 20 some odd years. Sharing a history with someone. But no one should have to break their backs for the sake of longevity. Once my knees buckle and my back goes out... Aint no amount of "therapy" gonna make it right again.
Final score:
7points
Alli K. 6 months ago
So true. "For the sake of longevity" is such a treacherous sunk cost fallacy. The time loss is nothing compared to the loss of losing yourself, your self-esteem, ambitions, friends, joie de vivre...the list goes on. The longer you stay, the harder it is to rewire the brain's pathways. When abuse, belittlement, lack of empathy/compassion etc are the norm, you get trapped into accepting them so much, that breaking out of the toxic cycle feels like a very painful withdrawal. You think the pain is from missing the person, but in reality, it's just the brain begging to get back to its usual toxic tracks.
#3
When I came back from the doctor confirming my cancer diagnosis... and he was in the car, going away for the weekend with his "old college friend" he'd just reunited with.
Broke up with him on the spot.
And yes, told every one of our mutual acquaintances.
Final score:
7points
#4
Me (29M), her (24F). We'd been together about six months and one afternoon I called her landline to see what she wanted for dinner (I was cooking at her place). No one answered so I left a message (ah, the days before mobiles). When I got there, she apologized for not answering and said she'd been in the shower. Her flatmate was like, "What are you talking about? You fell asleep on the couch -- I was in the shower."
Anyway, she laughed it off like it wasn't a big deal but I was like: why would you lie about something so trivial.?Just, out of hand. That was the moment I knew I should leave so I promptly stayed another six months before she cheated and broke my heart.
Final score:
6points
#5
It had been several months into what I thought was a wonderful relationship with my dream guy. He was everything I thought I had wanted, romantic, sweet, attentive, and caring. He wrote songs for me and left them on my voicemail. He sent flowers to my job.
This was before cell phones. He was a musician. We had great s*x, wonderful kisses, and he was always there for me. However, something still felt “off.“ I couldn’t quite put my finger on it so I asked for a sign. I asked God for the truth to be revealed to me. My intuition was never wrong and I needed some way of knowing what I needed to do.
A few weeks later one evening he called and we talked on the phone. Again, this was a landline phone. In those days you had to leave voicemails on house phones. So, we talked for a bit and then he had to get off the phone quickly. I didn’t think anything of it, we said goodbye and hung up. I went about my place doing different chores.
Later when I picked up the phone to make a different phone call, I heard that dial tone that lets you know you have a voice message. This was back when the dial tone would make a certain sound when you picked it up if you had a voice message. It was kind of weird because I had not received a phone call after his call. My phone had not rung at all so I was curious where a voice message would’ve come from.
I entered my code so that I could retrieve my message. It was odd when I heard his voice on the message. It was even more odd when I heard the voice of another female talking to him on the message. My phone had recorded their conversation!
Apparently his hurry to get off the phone with me was because she had been calling into his phone. And somehow the phone system thought that it was a three-way call and instead of hanging up his line, it had recorded their entire conversation on my line! Aha, you’re caught! I heard him speaking of his plans to pick her up to rendezvous. And from her tone, and words, they had been more than just friendly previously.
This was more than a sign, more than a red flag. It was proof. And yet, worse still, I recognized the other woman’s voice. It was someone I knew.
Needless to say, I was hurt and disappointed. I was betrayed. I cried. But I also could not help but be relieved that I had gotten a concrete answer. Undeniable proof of my “weird feeling“ about the relationship.
In my pain, I was grateful for the undeniable proof. I was resolute and the next day I calmly invited him over. When he came to my place, I told him I wanted him to hear something. I retrieved the message and handed him the phone so he could listen. And then I stood and watched his face as he heard the recording on my phone. He was very puzzled and asked what that was. I told him about my asking for a sign and about what the phone must have apparently “accidentally“ done.
Needless to say, I broke it off with him in that moment. It was one of the strongest a-ha moments I’ve had. But there have been others in my life. Those were not related to romance much to my relief.
Final score:
5points
#6
When he (42) took 3 hours to arrive at the nursing home the night my (40) mother died. I left multiple, increasingly hysterical, messages and texts on his phone. He left me on read. We lived 15 minutes from the nursing home. My friend, who lives an hour away, answered her phone on the first right and was there in under half that time.
Final score:
4points
#7
When he would rather sell the phone he gave me for my birthday despite me saying that was the only form of communication I have with my mom who was working abroad. I was 7 mos pregnant with our 1st child. Reason? I didn’t know it then but he had a side chick and he wanted to get her something just because.
Final score:
4points
#8
It wasn't when he stopped helping around the house because "he didn't have to now that we were married". It wasn't when he said that I HAD to give him s3x because I was his wife. It wasn't when he pushed me for s3x even though I was really sick. It was when he hit our 7-year old child because "he started it". That was it. We're so done. (Of course you're never completely done when you have a child. But I'm glad to report that he is now in uni, living with me and doing great.)
Final score:
4points
#9
When he couldn’t remember the date of our next couples counseling session but “figured I’d remind him”.
Final score:
3points
#10
This is my 2nd answer. Different ex.
When he threw a bag of meat at me despite me holding our child just because his uncle asked me to talk to him to make him stop talking c**p about this uncle. Left with my child right then and there, pork blood staining my shirt, despite me not having enough money for jeepney fare (Philippines). Had to wait until all passengers got off the jeepney and told the driver I didn’t have enough to pay him. Luckily he was very nice about it. Even gave me some money for the trike fare home.
Final score:
3points
#11
When she said she was going back to her previous boyfriend!
Final score:
2points
#12
I had one some time ago in my early-mid 20's who didn't want to ever stay overnight or even discuss sexuality. I'm not one to pressure people on this but I personally feel after dating someone for between 1-2 month mark it's natural to want to at least hammer out sexual compatibility. The final aha moment is when she invited me to a surprise date but only told me where to meet. It was at her old high school football (US football) stadium to watch a Friday night football game with her parents and a bunch of highschoolers, and then went to eat with them afterwards at some fast-food joint. She didn't live with her parents, this was just a thing to do and not just so I could meet the parents after dating for a month or so. So I broke up with her and told her between the lack of conversation surrounding s*x and the highschool date I thought she was really immature. She make it awkward trying to argue with me about it so I just hung up the phone.
Final score:
1point
#13
It took him over an hour on the AM toilet and yeah, he was trolling for whores while stinking up the entire apartment so bad I had to take a walk. And I owned the condo. Put all the pieces together later. Too late but before he ended up as a registered s*x offender. Still don't know why he was kicked out of Dubai. Save it, I'm single for the rest of my life.
Final score:
1point
#14
My boyfriend, at the time MANY years ago, thought I was telling his teenage niece about our s*x life. No, I wasn't and would never. So, he believed her and broke up with me, but used the excuse that he wanted to travel the world (only in his mind, LOL, was the way it happened) and couldn't do that with a girlfriend.
Not gonna lie. Took me a long time to get over him. But then I met my now husband of 20+ years and I'm very happy. My ex-boyfriend....still chasing the marriage dream. Sorry you were such an idiot, Barry, but I hope you're single and miserable the rest of your life. BTW, he's living in his parents' house (he's 50+ at this point) that he has never moved out of since being born.
Final score:
1point
#15
I was at choir practice (church) and he texts me about me having an affair with the choir director. Who is married and about 20 years older than me and just about the homliest man I know. And it was not the first time. Oh and he was the one who had affairs. I never strayed as it is just not in my DNA.
Final score:
1point
What do you think ?
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Aivaras Kaziukonis
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