What is something unfair or harmful that’s considered “normal” that parents should stop doing?
This post may include affiliate links.
I know that this is coming from a good place but stop telling what will make me happy! The fact that something makes you happy, doesn't mean that will make me happy as well! I know myself way better than you know me so let me follow my wishes and dreams... Thanks for the suggestions though!
Only liking their kids when they're obedient. It is absolutely beyond me how teenagers, the most fragile group, are treated by their own parents. Of course they have phases and they're emotional, they're F*CKING TEENAGERS, TALK TO THEM. I am under the impression that so many people just want a cute baby, and they don't realize the baby is going to grow up and need them more and more, especially emotionally...
Comparing us to other kids
This is one such reason why I find it hard to treat my friends nicely. My mom compares me to them saying stuff like “oh look, she’s so smart, she’s so tall. Why can’t you be like her?” I hate interacting with that friend now because my mom wants me to think of her as “competition”
blaming their children for their own misfortune
They don't need to take up our phones, it doesn't do anything just makes us even more mad and they need to actually listen to us and when we try to explain something it's not "talking back"
Being overprotective.
Story if you have time.
My sister (14) wanted to visit her friend's house. Her friend's house was 3 minute walk away from our house. They said no and when she said why they said because I said so (Also something they should stop, give an actual reason.) Also, it was on Halloween which means there are a lot of people out and our street wasn't somewhere were you'd get kidnapped. We aren't even allowed to get candy on Halloween because they are probably scared that people are going to waste money on drügs.
Also, if you are a parent don't let your kids go free. My sister had a friend like that and her friend rules mom. So have rules but don't have insane ones.
Forcing kids to have a religion, especially at a young age.
My family is christian, so I was forced to go to church, write f*****g essays, etc. I've grown up to be an atheist.
Mine is where parents disregard a kids emotions and feelings. Sometimes they can’t help it. Instead of screaming at them for “doing stupid stuff and being dramatic”, just find a therapist and get to the bottom of a kids mental issues and depression. I had a time where I got in a fight with my mom and when I tried speaking up she accused me of “yelling all the time” and she scared me so much I started sobbing because I had to let it out and I knew I would stop soon, but my dad came and without knowing he shushed me and sent me too my room and told me to be quiet. I’m still not talking to him to this day because of what he had done. That night was the worst of my life. I wish I could teleport so I could be out of here. I was suicidal, having a psychotic break and a panic attack all at once. I said I wanted to kill myself and my mom yelled at me for thinking this. She should have comforted me but no. She said “you’re not allowed to think about suicide anymore” LIKE WTF. How could I “not think about suicide at the moment”??? It’s just like telling an injured person to “just walk”. my mom thought I was stupid for being sad. So parents, don’t go over to your upset kid and be like “don’t do that, that’s not appropriate”, instead, ask them why they’re sad and comfort them. Don’t just be an a*****e and blame them for their issues
Shouting all the time over the smallest things. By now my dad has to lie to/distract my mum when she's shouting. He also constantly tells her to not swear at us. So yea don't do that.
Also can y'all not compare us to how u were at our age. Makes us feel bad about ourselves.
Getting mad at us for not knowing how to do a basic task because you carried us our whole lives
Trying to force us to eat food that makes us sick, and then getting mad when we ask what's for dinner. If we ask, and you know we don't like it, just tell us, or make something different for us.
Define "makes us sick". Your parents are not short order cooks, and your home isn't a restaurant. Obviously, if they're making you eat things that would actually harm you, that is problematic, and CPS needs to get involved.
Making kids do sports they don't want to really do. Making kids do things that make them feel uncomfortable. Publicly embarrassing your kid. Being emotionally abusive. Talking about there weight a lot. Or there looks of any kind ect. Emotionally abuse. Treating them like adults, in any way. Sexualize kids which is surprising cause it happening a lot and its kinda scary. I go to store to buy my nine yr cloths and they belly shirts for six yr olds. Whoa hold on a min. Nope I'm sorry. Maybe when she like 16. But I hope never. But please it kinda creepy
I get the talking about their weight a lot. I lost a bit of weight from being so sick, and my mom keeps commenting on it. I go to the Dr and have to get weighed "ugh why are you so skinny". It bugs me a lot and I don't think she understands
Valuing heritage over their child's personal freedom and happiness. Acting like the matriarch or patriarch of the family is infallible.
Hitting their kids - even "just" a slap on the cheek.
I was hit (spanking, smacks, etc.) quite a lot, by my step-father when I was young, most of the time it was for no reason, so now I don't have a good relationship with him.
When parents say your name and you say yeah a million times and they never answer you.
This mostly pertains to divorced parents, like if the kids go from house to house, but don't s**t talk the other parent in front of them.
My dad used to say "well you tell your mother ___" or "that b***h ___" and just say stuff that, looking back on it, was probably the copious amounts of alcohol and lack of therapy talking. I used to think I was supposed to relay this info to my mom next time I saw her, because I was, like, 5. She'd end up crying or getting upset and I'd feel like I was in the wrong, like I had to "fix it." The message my brother received, however, was that mom wasn't a figure of authority. Mom couldn't tell him what to do. Mom was a lying, conniving, no good s****., and he would repeat that whenever he didn't get his way. Not a good way to grow up.
For me,i think parents should stop with the mentality of"im going to take this away until you do this" instead,allow the child to realize their mistake,and try to learn from it
Letting their adult children make their own decisions and stop trying to run their lives. Idk if you don't agree with it it's not your choice.
I work in mental health. Parents need to stop not letting their kids experience things that make them uncomfortable. I even hear from my own friends who say that if their child doesn't want to do something that makes them uncomfortable they don't have to. Unless it's a situation that is dangerous that could hurt them.... the feeling of being uncomfortable won't. All your teaching them is avoidance and not how to process emotions. They need to learn how to deal with that feeling while they are younger and the situations are hopefully smaller because once they are older and on their own they don't have the tools to deal with much bigger situations that will make them feel uncomfortable.
Expecting your kids to have the same values, likes and dislikes, ideas, careers, ideas, taste etc etc.
Expecting to own them.
Take lessons from other animals, raise them...that is teach them how to survive and then let them get on with their own lives.
Think how you are with your parents.
Stop discussing negative, scary or stressful things in front of kids. It scares them and makes them depressed because they have no way to process it or change it.
Making kids go through the awful things they did to "teach them a lesson".
There are 2 types of parents IMO... the ones who say "I went through this horrible thing so you have to too," and the ones who say "I had this awful experience, so I'll do what I can to make sure you don't have to." We need more of the latter kind.
Shutting down their ideas, refusing to compromise or try something contrary to their habits or “normalcy”.
INSTEAD: Explore, discuss and talk with them. Ponder things, laugh about things, perform things. (Ie. Watch Bluey and see how parenting can be done.)
They’re people too, your kids can have feelings, thoughts, passions and pearls of wisdom that you may not explored before. Help them explore too!
I’ve seen principles/techniques like on Bluey, (for real life!) in action and creates lovely people gradually on their way to adulthood!
Allowing kids to choose their gender.
Mmmm… as an educator I’m torn on this… maybe if they do so at a young age, because cognitively their brains aren’t fully capable of processing everything that comes with a gender change. For example, cognitively kids can’t fully understand sarcasm until about age 8. BUT I’m torn because I’ve had gay friends tell me they’ve known they preferred boys (or girls) from a very young age. So, maybe it’s possible? But I’ve also known girls who wished they were boys, because they were tomboys, but later became very girly. My own daughter was very much this way. So, I guess my stance is to allow your child to express whatever feelings they have about gender and just be understanding and allow them to explore those feelings without making a judgment. As they grow, their “truth” will surface… and if you’ve allowed them to genuinely be themselves throughout their childhood, no matter what their age is, they’ll feel supported if they choose to select a different gender from what’s listed on their birth certificate.
1. Guilt-tripping their kids
2. Devoid them of privacy
3. Fulfilling their unfulfilled dreams through their kids
4. Not listening to their kids
Please stop trying to turn them into little Mini-Me's. My mother was always so disappointed when I wasn't like her, and furious when I was like my father. She never allowed me to just be myself.
I am the opposite of my mother and thank her for accepting that I wanted other things in my life. She wanted a career I really wanted to be a stay at home mum, I didn’t mind a little career but because of her complete support I never felt less important.
I don’t guess it’s really unfair or harmful but I find it annoying when my parents do it. I hate it when my parents talk about all the crazy sh!t they did when they were younger but then they get mad at you for the simplest, most innocent thing, nothing compared to what they said they did when they were younger.
Also, when you become a teenager and you parents expect you to act like an adult but still treat you like a kid. If you treat your teen like a kid, they’ll act like a kid, expect them to act like an adult, then treat them like an adult. Or even better, just treat them their age, they’re not a kid or an adult.
Stop being wishy washy with your kids. Be a PARENT to your kid, not a friend. Don't be inconsistent. Make very clear rewards and punishments, and no arguments or negotiations, either.
Seems a bit totalitarian. I'm happy to negotiate with my kids. It lets them have some control over their own lives. Even at a young age. You want an extra 15 minutes to finish the chapter you're reading, that's cool.
Stop caring about what other people are doing. Do their decisions impact you in any way? If not, who cares? If you want to judge them, judge in your head and not out of your mouth. No one needs your unsolicited opinions, especially about their children. This includes clothing choices, make-up choices, gender presentation, types of activities in which they are participating, etc.... As long as no one is getting hurt or is in immanent danger, the chances of something coming out of your mouth that could seriously ruin another person's day is very high and unnecessary. Be kind to other people. If your opinion isn't kind, keep it to yourself.
I don't want to be rude, but spend more time with the children than you do with your spouse. That what I deal with everyday
Using your child/children as pawns in a messy divorce. As a child of divorce, my parents used me and my brother all of the time. "Tell your father..." and "Tell your mother...". Children should be kept out of the drama.
Make them feel responsible for your happiness or fears. And let them feel guilt for it.
Okay, I have two things. One, parents need to stop comparing kids to their siblings/friends/the parents at their current age. Two, I don't know if other parents do this, but mine punished me by shoving hot sauce down my throat. That hurt.
Stop comparing siblings to each other. We all aren’t the smartest or the most beautiful one in the room but we are all talented and interesting in our own way.
