Just want to see how you are all doing. This would've been out earlier but I was having difficulties.
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Tw; suicidal ideations, talking about death (keep urself safe y'all)
My mental health has been getting better, but I found out today that apparently one of the school insta pages put me as the most annoying person in school.i mean, they're right, I'm incredibly obnoxious and rude, but I didn't realize that that many people hate me that much. I guess I should have known, I do really suck. I just got really blindsided by it. I've always tried my best to be kind to everyone and I know I'm an insufferable d**k despite that, but i really thought I wasn't that well known. They put my full name on it, too- the guy who told me didn't specify if it was my real name or my deadname, but either one sucks. I deserve it, of course, I'm very obnoxious, but I just wasn't expecting it and it kind of hurts. Idk I just feel like even if i hated someone like nothing else, I wouldn't put in on a page that everyone who knows them uses. I know it won't change how people see me, because everyone most likely agrees, but it just feels s****y. I now have real confirmation that most people would be better off with me dead, although I've been saying that for ages. I wish I wasn't this terrible of a person tbh, I feel like I've just gotten a really bad hand in life. I want to be a good person and I want to help others, and I try my best, but I just naturally suck. There's no escaping who I am. I've tried to change myself and I've done an assortment of different things, but I've never been able to change the fact that I am fundamentally a s****y person. I never expected that I'd have concrete proof of this tbh, I thought that people would just be quiet about it. Ig if you're a certain level of horrible person, it's healthier for people to get it out. I wish I had the courage to just off myself and get it over with- I know everyone around me would be happier, and I'd really do anything to make others' lives better. I'm just a god damn coward and i can't do a thing. I wish I had just bled out last year, or got tetanus when I scratched myself on a rusty bar in summer. It would have made it so much easier. As it is, I know I probably won't live to 20, but that still long enough for me to hurt too many people. As it is, I'm stuck in limbo between knowing everyone, including me, wants me to die, and being too cowardly and scared to commit suicide. It isn't fun
I'm so sorry that you've been having such a hard time. The people at your school are obviously emotionless jerks. Personally, I think your comments are pretty awesome. As someone who has been (and sometimes still is) a total b***h, I understand some of how you feel. I've definitely thought about what would happen if I were to just disappear, and whether or not people would even notice. I definitely felt that when I was out of school sick for a month, and when I came back no one asked where I'd been or if I was okay. But I know that you are definitely not a coward. I really hope that someday you'll understand that you're not, in any ay, a terrible person. The very fact that you think you are is proof of that. There's no such thing as a truly bad person, with the possible exceptions of rapists, serial kills, and child predators. I'm 99.9 % sure you're none of those. I really hope you find people who see how awesome you are. Idk if any of this helps, but I'm here if you ever need to talk.
I use comedy to deflect and avoid talking about myself. That being said [insert joke here].
I’m trying really hard to not fall into depression, walking a tightrope on it right now.
Well here goes nothing.
Im a straight male and conservative and I can’t be on fandom anymore. I got banned exactly 6 months ago from HP fandom for being a d**k(Im never retuning to fandom cuz I sock puppeted my way around the 2 week ban but got snitched for talking to one of the people on the HP fandom agreeing with the snitch’s comment and that landed me an infinite ban) but also simply expressing my conservative beliefs and opinions and by accident misgendering or not understanding it(It’s kinda confusing ngl). Also being censored and waiting for approval on BP because I just put white on my profile. Maybe also people hurting each other just because of differing views. Like for example a conservative expressing that they don’t believe in socialism because they simply don’t want the government in their lives because their life isn’t the governments business. People will downvote you just for that and simply saying that you don’t agree with their beliefs they want to f**king cancel you. Oh on that note f**k cancel culture. Criticizing someone just for a past mistake and expressing their beliefs is just toxic and harmful and does no good. Also this woke thing is doing more harm than good and yes I do acknowledge that we need diversity but you don’t have to shove it down our throats so much by ruining films and TV shows. Doing that to the film industry has proven a failure financially and commercially. I don’t care if this gets downvoted but I think everyone should hear this.
Gender is confusing, especially for those who don't have practice with pronouns. As long as you apologized for your mistake and didn't make a scene, idk why anyone would care. And everyone has a right to be able to politely express their political standing, unless you do it in a s****y way. As a radical leftist socialist, there's nothing here I disagree with, at all. You just had some s****y luck ig. One thing I could say is that 'woke' shows tend to be adding token queer/poc characters and then blaming their commercial failures on bigots, which is s****y af. Actual diversity rocks and I'd love seeing a good trans character on a screen, but fake diversity as an excuse for a bad production is just awful and honestly kinda bigoted in and of itself.
I cant say that i can ever go to heaven due to my actions in life, most of which I know are bad/ wrong, yet I still continue 'cause I'm an attention- seeking piece of sh*t, or because I have this little voice inside my head that tells me to do stuff that is said to be bad or wrong according to society, rather than the other way round. I really hope I can figure this out, tho I might probably end myself in the coming years. Thank you for creating a safe space to vent, and I thank this community from the bottom of my heart as you have helped me pull my life together bit by bit. It is hard hiding Atheism, Pansexuality and Genderfluidity from a mother who is highly religious and homophobic... I havent come out yet. I am so grateful for your support.
I hope you get out okay. Also, f**k heaven. If the people who go to heaven are the queerphobic, racist ultra-christians, I'd rather burn. And impulsive thought really do suck, I feel you. I also had an attention problem and struggled with stealing people's stuff since a few of my friends thought it was funny, and I can tell you with certainty that it doesn't make you a bad person. Just remember that you can resist that and you'll be proud of yourself for it. It takes a while, but you'll get there.
So ima start off by saying..it’s obvious I’ve made a few enemies on this site. My..comments..are not always liked by evryone. Whether it’s a funny joke, a comment, an opinion doesn’t matter. I’m always plagued with downvotes, being reported, or rude messages. One of the most recent was on the “are you single this Valentine’s Day post” where I made a joke on someone(I won’t say who but go read the comments for urself) because they didn’t answer the question and just wrote soemthing on how they don’t need a man to be happy and blah blah blah. I made a joke saying I don’t speak Taco Bell. They said” I can tell your a kid so I hope when you grow up you can have original thoughts and phrases”. I got pissed. So I unloaded completely. Writing a huge paragraph about what a joke is and how it’s not meant to be taken seriously. And I put all this time and effort into calling this b*tch a b*tch basically. All all they said was..”you need to get laid”. Then another aguement started between them and Matt C on that same comment thread. On top of that, recently on FredGStanford’s submission for the ask pandas”what’s soemthing that shouldn’t exist post” a literal BP war began. Me of course. Having an opinion. I kno it’s so wrong, I should be sent to the electric chair..I’m sorry. Got downvoted, and reported. I didn’t say anything offensive..at first. But then, came the snarky reports and comments. And I did tell someone to suck a c*ck. Here’s the thing:If I have an opinion about genders or pronouns that does not basically say” yes I agree. This is good. Yes.” I will get downvoted. It’s an 100% guarantee every time. Also now it’s not just on controversial posts it’s on everything. Even posts about making your own zombie apocalypse team. I comment”wow nice team” and get 5 FCKIN downvotes. I don’t TRY to be a j@ck@ss. I become a J@cka$$ based on what people say. If you disagree with me, fine. Bu if you actively downvote me and comment and call me transphobic, a b1ggot, a j@ck@ss or whatever else the acid vat you call a brain can come up with, that’s when I’ll become the j@ck@ss you think I am. It is literally illegal to have an opinion on this website. I’m probably gonna get downvotes and comments on this saying”grow up DP, stop whining, or we’ll you are transphobic, or but you are a jack@ss and I just reported you. Doesn’t matter what it is. I am always on the hit list. Might as well have my Rorschach account be the one I’m a jack@$$ and controversial and this one be the “good” account. And it would actually work, because Rorschach can be kind of an @$$hole. Also for all of you people calling me transphobic or whatever..Rorschach is said to be a little homophobic. But you know what? He’s still one of the most bad@$$, liked, and popular characters in all of comics. So. Yea. Make of that what you will. This was a huge waste of my time. Nobody gives 2 sh1ts anyways.
You're always on the 'hit list' cause you're a god damn jerk. I'm fine with people expressing their opinions calmly and kindly, but you've long since passed that line. I genuinely can't believe I used to like you
I know that I am not very good at comforting or helping, but I have to say something. If I make things worse then I am so sorry.
I know that I am not very good at comforting or helping, but I have to say something. If I make things worse then I am so sorry.
