Anything funny you want to petition? Well, here's your place to be. You could hold a petition to rename hand sanitizer "paper cut finder 2000."

#1

Petition to allow all retail workers to slap one Karen per calendar month. Two if its their birthday.

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Ian Reynolds
Community Member
2 months ago

Seems fair, could be a position of bargain - I haven't used my slap yet!

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#2

Petition to change the name of ‘Fire Ants’ to ‘Spicy Bois’

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your socially awkward cousin
Community Member
2 months ago

im allergic to spicy bois

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#3

Petition to Cap the Gap. Owners, CEO, mangers can only earn a certain percentage above the lowest paid employee in the entire corporation. Includes all forms of income, shares, benefits, kickbacks, retreats, bonuses.

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Eppe
Community Member
2 months ago

This post is about funny, imaginairy petitions, not ones that make complete and utter sense.

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#4

A petition that anyone who refuses to wear a mask in public receives a small electric shock when they enter a building of any kind. Nothing to do damage, but enough to let them know there is a cost to their decision.

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Linny H
Community Member
2 months ago

That would be the only cost to their decision. Except the hate from the folks that confuse politics with science.

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#5

I need signatures so we can make Taco Tuesdays a fundamental human right.

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Deutschland Mädchen
Community Member
2 months ago

Where do I sign?

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#6

Petition to have a whole month where the students teach on whatever they want. Movies, games, books, doesn't matter. snacks are involved too

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Chloe
Community Member
2 months ago

That’s actually not a bad idea

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#7

I would like to make it obligatory that men must wear a hat in public. I’m not talking about baseball, I’m talking proper hats, bowlers, top, fedoras etc and they must doff them when greeting a lady.

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SentimentAndBadJokes
Community Member
2 months ago

And they say chivalry is dead?? I would low key love to see this happen, but sad to say it probably never will.

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#8

A petition to make all politicians undergo a full battery of psychological and intelligence test before being able to run for office, so the people know exactly who they are voting into office

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Caro Caro
Community Member
2 months ago

Would that make a difference?. I know of one stupid idiot who was known to be stupid and all the stupid voted for him anyway. Hmmmm

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#9

I need signatures to make it absolutely illegal to have spammers call and "check on my auto warranty"

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Terilee Bruyere
Community Member
2 months ago

Absolutely! Can we make this one a reality? I swear I've blocked at least 8 of those numbers just this last week.

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#10

I would like a petition for every congress-person or senator to have every corporate sponsor tattooed on their face.

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Community Member
2 months ago

There is a danger: some senators would be probably wearing blackface, which would be offensive on several levels.... wait... if it deterred people from voting for them... nevermind, I withdraw my objection.

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#11

Signatures in here for free cookies every day

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Muff_Fluff
Community Member
2 months ago

OH MY GOD THIS IS THE BEST ONE

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#12

Petition to award USD$10 billion to the person who can make a less believable fiction story than the reality of 2020-21.

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Thorfin Wolfsbane
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

"Once the pandemic hit, Trump became a completely different person. He advocated for scientifically recommended protocols and did the best he could to save as many lives as possible. His change of heart to selflessness earned him re-election to the presidency and he was given a Nobel Peace Prize" End story. Get in touch with me and I will tell you where to send my money.

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#13

Petition for a law where people have to say/do at least one nice thing for someone else every day.

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Arthur Waite
Community Member
2 months ago

Oh, that's already installed in my heart.

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#14

(Saw this on the internet but still love the idea of it)
Petition for there to be one day a year where we turn off all of our lights at night in our time zones so we can stargaze and see everything

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Chloe *Leah* Pheonix
Community Member
2 months ago

Yes!!!

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#15

Petition for those who forbid women to have an abortion to adopt these children, pay for insurance, healthcare and college fees.

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Valley Girl
Community Member
2 months ago

You can count on my signature and the signatures of all my dead relatives!

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#16

A petition to change the homophobic people’s minds. I don’t wanna hurt them, just wanna love unoprressed

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VeninTheNonBinaryRogue
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

YES. change the transphobic people’s minds to pls

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#17

A petition that any organization or person questioning the legitimacy of an election must pay 10 times the cost of the recount if proven wrong.

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Mary Rose Kent
Community Member
2 months ago

Good plan!

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#18

A petition that politicians must not lie otherwise they will incur a $100,000 fine per instance.

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Caro Caro
Community Member
2 months ago

CaroCaro (And give that money to the poor).

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#19

I petition that when parents divorce the kids stay in one house and the parents have to stay on their weekends or weeks then go to their own house instead of the kids being bounced back and forth.

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Joanna Werman
Community Member
2 months ago

Absolutely

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#20

Yes or Yes?
A: Yes
B: Yes

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Steve Barnett
Community Member
2 months ago

Don't know which Yes to choose, can I suggest C: Unsure?

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#21

Make America Grate Again!

Ban Pre-Shredded Cheese!

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your socially awkward cousin
Community Member
2 months ago

BUT ITS GOOD TO EAT WITH A SPOON A 2:30 IN THE MORNING

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#22

We should have a petition to let us have a robot of our favorite animal for a pet (if it’s wild) and if it’s domestic then we legally get one (unless allergic then you would get robot) and you have to take care of it or it gets taken

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your socially awkward cousin
Community Member
2 months ago

That's actually a really good idea, I would definitely get one

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#23

Petition to change everyone who is named ‘Alfie’’s name to ‘Stormageddon Dark Lord of All’ ?
I need 50 signatures. :D

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404 Panda Not Found
Community Member
2 months ago

Is your name alfie?

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#24

A petition that bacon be officially renamed "the candy of meat"

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Hoinu..hoi
Community Member
2 months ago

This sound right.

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#25

PETITION TO BAN PETITIONS!!!

1.______________
2.______________
3.______________

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Eppe
Community Member
2 months ago

Come on Rebekah, think! You'll put us in an endless loop. Your petition will succeed, all petitions will be retroactively invalidated including yours, we'll have the petition again, ad infinitum.

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#26

A petition that men must wear an undergarment or shirt to cover their breasts at all times like women have to in public. An also an amendment that no body hair is acceptable in public on any body part except top of head (ie hair styles) and brows. (Let that upkeep cost sink in for beauty standards.)

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ShriSha Kamboj
Community Member
2 months ago

yes n eyelashes shall b allowed too......n dont u dare show those darn shoulders

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#27

A petition that adoption be mandatory for right to lifers in states that ban abortions.

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Johnny U
Community Member
2 months ago

And have them damage another generation.

#28

A petition to go back in time to the 90’s and have a do over

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Muff_Fluff
Community Member
2 months ago

Then we can evacuate the twin towers. But wait… if we redid the 90’s they probably wouldn’t even attack at that moment. Nvm.

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#29

Petition to rename Barry uk to Florida 2

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Ian Reynolds
Community Member
2 months ago

No, please no, I live about 20 minutes from Barry Island and it is not a place of dreams, more of nightmares and depression.

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#30

Czechs demand access to the sea!

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Muff_Fluff
Community Member
2 months ago

Cry yourself a river.

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#31

Petition that all dogs all over the world would have a loving home.

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Autumn
Community Member
2 months ago

All pets should, as well as people

#32

That all cats receive royal titles

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Kristie Jones
Community Member
2 months ago

They have them — you didn’t notice?

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#33

Im creating a petition to make everyone like pineapple on pizza. Its good people

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Deutschland Mädchen
Community Member
2 months ago

I agree

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#34

Petition to forever eliminate handshakes. Instead the person to initiate the hello will bow and the second party will curtesy.

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Deutschland Mädchen
Community Member
2 months ago

I like that but what about people in a wheelchair or otherwise unable to do so

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#35

petition for every houses backyard to come with a bird feeder and birdbath. (unless there is a bird disease in the area)

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Mary Rose Kent
Community Member
2 months ago

The birdbaths need to be emptied and cleaned every other day.

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#36

In the spirit of equal rights, I petition for men to have menstrual cycles, breasts, and be able to give birth.

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SilentBob731
Community Member
2 months ago

The breasts part is already a thing, it's called middle age. ;-)

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#37

y'all know the St James center in Edinburgh put googley eyes on it

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Deutschland Mädchen
Community Member
2 months ago

Really big ones

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#38

A law creating a political report card and annual vote of confidence. A non-partisan group is formed that creates a simplified report on what the politician has done, how they voted on issues, what the issues were and who benefited. Then, every year a vote of confidence is held where those politicians have to pass to stay in office. Advertising is not allowed and those that failed are prevented from ever holding office again and connect take jobs, either directly or indirectly, working for groups that have benefitted from laws or rules they introduced. Immediate family is also disqualified.

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#39

There’s a real petition to bring back the 2008 Pumpkin Kitty at build a bear on Change.org. Definitely recommend signing it.

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Kinslee the witches apprentice
Community Member
2 months ago

That sounds cute. Everyone sign it

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#40

Petition to make people sign a petition saying we have to make cats sign a petition to make dogs sign a petition to make birds sign a petition to ban petitions

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Kristie Jones
Community Member
2 months ago

Cats everywhere just yawned and wandered away.

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#41

Petitions to:

Make the word "scrimpled" an adjective meaning the grooved effect on butter when spread onto bread by a serrated edge knife

Ban all negative miserable soap operas like Eastenders.

Make illegal the religious education of children until after age 8 to put an end to indoctrination.

Make Bored Panda a regular TV show.

Make the date of the first moon landing an international day of celebration.

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Mary Rose Kent
Community Member
2 months ago

I like the last one. It was an amazing feat and I can remember watching it in real time.

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#42

Petition for passing lane drivers that won’t yield or drivers that ride in that lane. When someone is caught doing this, they have camera and software installed in their cars that prevent them from ever driving in that lane again. If they are caught disabling or other circumventing the software, a lifetime ban from ever entering the freeways.

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#43

A petition to outlaw the use of The phrase, “you know”.

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Mary Rose Kent
Community Member
2 months ago

And “like” as conversational filler.

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#44

Ok. Serious here. I would like to petition Someone to explain the extra letters after LGBT(Q)+. I get the original 4. Q not so much, because I thought calling someone queer was an insult. And I'm just unclear as to what the other letters represent. (No cable, not on social media, tend not to socialize much, home is where my heart is)
I have no trouble accepting people for who they are or how they identify. But I also don't want to make random strangers uncomfortable by asking personal questions. And knowledge can lead to better understanding in general. And maybe it will lead to some people who are not accepting to understand better and be more accepting. So, can someone help with that? Thanks Pandas!

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Troux
Community Member
2 months ago

Not sure why you got downvoted for an earnest question, maybe because it's more of a question than a petition. Basically queer is used as an insult only by people who intend for it to be insulting, but it has innocuous meaning beyond that - same goes for 'homo,' 'gay,' or 'Jew' for that matter. Queer (lit. outside the norm) means anything outside of straight and cisgender. It's meant to reflect how people may change over time. Some people who were gay were first bi. Some people who were trans were once gay and cis, etc.

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#45

Petition to legally allow people to bury or cremate anyone who says "I'm dead." If they say "I'm literally dead," then you are also legally entitled to 50% of their will.

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TheHappyBookCat
Community Member
1 month ago

*claps enthusiastically*

#46

Offically recognize Bleen as a hew number between six and seven

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Lucky
Community Member
2 months ago

The same Bleen Kelly Bundy invented?

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#47

Petition to require any person who refuses to let another parent/guardian in the car line (alternating of course) to be made to go to the end of the line. It takes a split second to be a decent person, don't keep people waiting on the highway.

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Miguel justino C
Community Member
2 months ago

Nailed it.

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#48

A petition to add claws to stoplights. If you haven’t moved when the light turns green (checking your phone, eating, looking for things in your car, etc), the claw picks you up and won’t set you back down until the road at that light is empty.

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Mary Rose Kent
Community Member
2 months ago

What would the physics of this be?

#49

I want a petition to end the office of the president. It’s now just a overblown popularity contest for both sides. All the other side does is override the other once in office. It’s becoming an endless stalemate. My side vs your side at this extreme is disgusting. The answers are in the middle.

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Mary Rose Kent
Community Member
2 months ago

This, too, shall pass...

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#50

I petition that we do away with two party politics. They are as bad as each other.

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Mary Rose Kent
Community Member
2 months ago

There are more than two...the others just don’t have nearly so many people

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#51

A petition to force all influencers to never be in public anywhere!

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Whawhawhatsis
Community Member
1 month ago

Amen!

#52

Join me in signing a petition that deters customers from spewing that god awful joke “ well it must be free!”. With your signature, these super unfunny dad joke extraordinaires will be forced to wear the cone of shame around their necks, sending a message to the rest of the flock every time that vitriol leaves their lips.

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#53

Sign up here for men to have mandatory vasectomies once they become sexually mature and mandatory sexual education classes on what consent is and self control is.. You know instead of blaming women for everything and forcing them into staying in an unwanted pregnancy because it is no one else's damn business what a woman's decision on her body is.

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Joanna Werman
Community Member
2 months ago

And burkas, no more burkas ( is that with a q?)

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#54

a petition to increase the taxes on companies that dont pay the living wage to the workers. why should the rest of us have to pay for them just being effin greedy

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#55

A petition to eliminate daylight savings time in the U.S.

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Shadow_TheArtistDemon
Community Member
2 months ago

YES!

#56

This is a story but it’s really good!
I went to Montessori from 3yrs old-2nd grade. You could go anywhere you wanted as long as you did handwriting, reading, and math. So someone didn’t like handwriting and made a petition against it. So everyone did, like all 274 kids did. Im just going to give a few examples of what I saw.
Primary (3-6)
“Let me poop freely”
“Make more than just biscuits!”
“Don’t make me wear Cody’s underwear”
Elementary (6-11)
“LGB and no t”
“Don’t listen to the other person”
“No more muffins”

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404 Panda Not Found
Community Member
2 months ago

Everything here is funny apart from the LGB and no T.

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#57

Petiton to create more cg5's and jt music's in a lab.

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lil_gremlin
Community Member
2 months ago

yes

#58

Petition to get mods for life. Such as: Hogwarts Mod. Go to Diagon Alley and get your wand today!

Bonus petition: cheats for life. Start out with 20k if you like. Start your job at level 5. Cheat your relationship to 100. Cheat pregnancy to in labor. Can you tell I play the Sims?

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#59

Anyone over the age of 16, regardless of gender, nationality and status who steps off an escalator and immediately stops or blocks any ways because of stupidly standing around scratching his head, "checking" his phone or spontaneously forgetting how to walk should receive a punishment as described:
1st offense: MASSIVE kick in the ass by anyone offended by this behavior
2nd offense: three months in prison
3rd offense: Forced to stay at home for at least 1 year, because of being to stupid to walk in public.

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Whawhawhatsis
Community Member
1 month ago

Seems reasonable enough.

#60

A petition to make it mandatory for all dogs who want pets, get pets.

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Peg luvz Al
Community Member
2 months ago

I got my pets pets. My dog (Albert) got a kitten (Deakin) and when Deakin grew up, he got a kitten (Ivy Parker).

#61

I petition that all cars come with a huge spatula on the right side that way you can flip the car driving slow in the passing lane

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Peg luvz Al
Community Member
2 months ago

Picturing this in my head and p*ssing myself laughing

#62

A petition to have all food that is thrown away after an hour from convenience stores, fast food, etc donated to food banks, or give it to the needy at the 59 minute mark. SO much waste, it's crazy!!!

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#63

A law that every person - male or female - receives compulsory, yet reversible, birth control implants or surgery at puberty. It can not be reversed until each person proves to an examination board they are financially and emotionally stable enough to provide a decent, secure home to raise a child. (As people who wish to adopt must do.)

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H.L.Lewis
Community Member
2 months ago

So this smacks a lot of "1984" and big brotherism. But seriously, it would be nice if people would take more responsibility for their actions. Of course more than just abstinence should be taught in sex ed.

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#64

A petition to require COVID-19 violators be substance to community service at hospitals.

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Community Member
2 months ago

“ sentenced to”

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#65

A petition to stop calling everyone bro or brau …

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#66

A petition to make "Living in America" by James Brown the office anthem of the U.S.

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Miguel justino C
Community Member
2 months ago

Funny

#67

petition to force donut shops to give out free samples of full-sized donuts to everyone, but especially homeless people. all food anywhere is free for homeless people.

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Joanna Werman
Community Member
2 months ago

And always have plain munchkins for dogs

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#68

That Lucky Charms makes an all marshmallow cereal.
Would it be cereal?

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Michael Payne
Community Member
2 months ago

They have that already.

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#69

Now collecting signatures to remove the Insert key from QWERTY keyboards.

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Joanna Werman
Community Member
2 months ago

Huh?

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#70

Petition so that if a kid gets bullied more than three times and tell a teacher who doesn’t do anything then they have rights to punch the teacher who’s letting it happens.. teachers would stop letting bullying happen real quick

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Community Member
2 months ago

Forget that ignore me

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#71

Petition for writers to make Tumblr stuff actual published stories
Imagine the crazy




Have you heard of the gay Island post

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#72

A petition should be made it is hasn't to make Sean Lock's Nazi Island a real TV show, if you haven't heard of this google it.

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Peg luvz Al
Community Member
2 months ago

RIP Sean Lock

#73

A petition that requires any person running for public office must have served in the military

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Mary Rose Kent
Community Member
2 months ago (edited)

I think the intention of this is a noble one, but I think the actuality of it would be terrible. This would exclude all sorts of people who don’t have that option (i.e., wheelchair-bound), and would have the effect of funneling an even greater percentage of our budget to the military, which already receives a lion’s share. I would be for a modified version of this if people had an alternative like joining the Peace Corp or the current incarnation of VISTA (Volunteers In Service To America), which is a domestic version of the Peace Corps, or Habitat for Humanity, etc.

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#74

Petition to change Post's Malone's first part of his rap name to Eye. Eye Malone. Im alone

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#75

1. Petition to make anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, etc. pay for the healthcare of those who can't afford it.
2. Make arks in places and spread the news that vaccines are given inside them (not just COVID, but they'll probably make you pay for them). People who have been confused by anti-vaxxers can be given proper information in it. People who refuse to listen to reason can be left out. Then we flood the areas.

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#76

Petition to take back the Holy Land

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Arthur Waite
Community Member
2 months ago

You mean 'take back' as in 'trade in for a refund'? I'd support that.

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#77

I hereby petition that every horror movie must, prior to obligatory sex scene, that a male partner must completely undress and flash the audience before the sex act begins. Also ask his partner if he/she likes what he/she sees. #Equality

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Miguel justino C
Community Member
2 months ago

I’m kind of confused by this one. Aren’t any actors consenting, working adults? And now it’s ok for a man to flash if the woman thinks it will embarrass him? #HUH

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#78

A petition to require game show and reality show producers, writers and directors compete against each other on TV prior to the shore going into production. Because, if it’s good enough for them to compete it’s good enough for the public to compete.

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#79

petition please funny classes

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Community Member
2 months ago

Please howndo I delete this I cringe

#80

Petition for iPhones to give you a 3% battery reminder. I’m just not worried enough when it’s 10% and the next thing I know my phone is shutting down. I call for change!

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LadyDez
Community Member
2 months ago

There are apps for that.

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#81

For Caitlyn Jenner to change her name to Trans. Trans Jenner. Transgender.

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#82

Petition to ban people from telling me no.

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RandomX123
Community Member
1 month ago

This will be a double-edged sword. Try asking people if you're stupid, or something like that, once this is put in action

#83

Petition for hedgehogs to be renamed cactus nuggets. 🦔

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#84

Petition to stop comments about one-ply! There are people who like one-ply and we will defend our right to use it!

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#85

I'm petitioning to ban frivolous petitions. Hurry up and sign it while you still can.

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Kona Pake
Community Member
1 month ago

A petition to ban anonymous postings. No watch the rats scurrying for cover.