Guy Refuses To Pay $126 For His Date’s Food, So She Shows Him Her True Colors
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In the old days, when women were less likely to work and earn their own money, it became normal for the man to pick up the bill while on a dinner date. In some cultures, this hangover from the past is still very much the accepted norm, while in gender equality-progressive countries like Denmark for example, men insisting on paying for everything can be seen as rude and sexist.
Image credits: findemaxa (not the actual photo)
First dates can be an awkward social minefield in general, and this little ambiguity only adds to the confusion. Reddit user u/CuteBananaMuffin decided to share his story recently, and it’s fair to say, his date definitely had some old-fashioned first date ideas. After doing the progressive (and frankly, fair) thing on the first date, he thought he’d try to ask her out again. He obviously thought it had gone pretty well, and perhaps it had, up until the fateful moment the restaurant bill appeared, and he learned how rude people could truly be.
“The date was fun at first until she started talking about another guy and how much he liked him, but I thought ‘let’s eat, talk and leave’ since she’s into another guy, and it all crumbled when it came to the bill,” he told Bored Panda. “She was shocked that I let her pay. She didn’t say anything at the time, but from her facial expression, I realized she was furious for not getting free food.”
“I usually pay for both sides when it comes to the bill, but I’m a student, and I work 60 hours a week to pay for food, books, etc. so I obviously couldn’t afford to pay 110 euros for her food. I asked her out again to apologize pretty much for the previous time, hoping we can go to a cheaper place so I could make up for it, but as you can see, the result was awful…
Here’s what others had to say about the exchange
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My thing has always been that whoever invites is the one that pays. Unless it is discussed prior to whoever accepts the invite that we are going dutch. I think it's only fair and I have never had any complaints. Btw if you can't tell by my name already, I am a Woman. =)
In my friend circle we also do that. An unspoken rule is that you never order more than a certain amount. This lady is clearly a gold digger who only wants to be wine and dined by those with some money! SHAME ON HER!
I agree, but in this case, I am siding with the guy. I would be offended if my "guest" ordered 6 times the cost of my meal. Only bad guests take advantage of the host. When I first started dating, back in the day when the guy was expected to foot the bill for everything (which I thought was unfair), my mother had some wise words for me. "If others are paying for your meal, do not choose either the most expensive or the least expensive item on the menu. You don't want to appear either greedy or cheap. Be considerate: you are spending someone else's hard-earned cash. Choose something in the lower-middle. Do not order expensive extras, like drinks, desserts, appetizers, unless your host insists. Even then, try to keep the cost of your items about the same or less than your host's, and never, ever more expensive." I followed this advice my whole life, whether with friends or while dating. It lets everybody focus on friendships and never starts arguments.
@PeachPossum I agree totally. I have a friend that always invites me out for lunch and insists on paying. I will usually order something inexpensive, but filling. I never order anything but water to drink (used the excuse that I'm trying to cut back on sugar drinks) and I never order dessert or wine/beer on someone else's dime. I tried to pay for mine once..and she was having none of it. She said "If I invite you out, I pay!" I couldn't afford to invite her out, but would cook dinner for her and her husband sometimes to pay her back for her hospitality.
Well, he said she was the one who invited him, so Mama Panda is saying the same thing - the woman should have paid for the date.
Completely agree. While it's nice if he pays for her dinner, it goes the other way too. He shouldn't always be the one to pay because "that's what a gentleman does"
I was raised when you go out you watch what the man orders and you order the same price as he does. That was low class, obnoxious and rude to order such a high price especially since he’s a student. If she’s not interested in the man and she wants a platonic relationship then you go Dutch and if he picks it up you offered to buy the drinks and the tip. Unless he has money then it doesn’t bother him
I agree, if I invite someone out and particularly if I also choose the place I always offer to pay.
Whoever invites pays is the rule of thumb of us gays.
Yup. If I'm inviting someone out where it might cost a pretty penny I'll say something like "I'll take you out to dinner" or something so it's clear up front. If not, I like to just ignore the bill when it comes and watch her turn into an indoor astronomer. She'll look anywhere but the bill and that's when I know she's not for me.
"Indoor astronomer" lolol
Yeah, we could tell. It's great to have a policy like that when it's usually the guy doing the asking out.
Ok - are we having an honest discussion here? Women know full well they flirt and hint and almost never take agency or initiative to ask the guy out. So starting off with "Whoever asks the person out" game. Let's start with : First date = both pay for their own meal. Or how about : if he asks, then you pay? No? Then you're asking me to play a rigged game.
Yeah, and the guy should invite the girl. Again, it's a gentleman's rule kind of thing.
Sounds fair nowadays.
Wanted to respond: Women almost never ask a guy out - so let's not play the "who ever asks the other person out game" - unless and until women accept agency and start asking, let's go with this: First date: both pay for their own meal. Don't pretend women don't flirt and hint and don't ask - it's not an honest discussion until we start with that premise.
since when does a women invinte first ?
When she wants a free meal!
Some do. I've invited guys out plenty of times. When women invite first, sometimes they pay the whole bill, sometimes they go dutch, and sometimes the guy wants to be a macho provider and foot the whole bill anyway, which is more common if he makes a lot more money than the woman. But a woman should never invite a guy out if she isn't prepared to pay for everything. Because the unspoken rule is still that whoever did the inviting does the paying. Therefore, I only ask men out on dates when I have money to burn. The woman in the story is unforgivable, tacky, and low-value. ........................................................................................................................................................................All the times I've invited guys out, even if I was the one paying and was clear to them that I intended to blow a giant wad of cash, they still tried to order something affordable; and if they saw something a bit expensive that they liked, they would always be diplomatic about it - they'd typically mention it in passing and not even really ask to order it - they'd just say something like, "Wow, that looks delicious, but it's so pricey," sort of testing the waters without actually asking, like a considerate human being would do. At that point it's up to the host to be like, "Wow, yeah, that's insanely pricey! What is this restaurant thinking!" OR "That does look good! Let's order it! I want to try some!" Either way, everyone saves face. It's called basic decency and social skill! Most men have it and I'm pretty sure most women have it too! I don't date women, but I don't personally know any woman who would pull the stunt that the woman in the story pulled! That's just repulsive!
When she thought she found 'gold' whilst digging~!
When my wife and I were dating, we took it in turns to pay. We still do that now :D
Same! It has never been an issue with us at all. We'd take turns but would never go 'I paid last time so you pay'. It would just be that if one paid for dinner, the other would get the cinema tickets and snacks. Guess we just knew we'd stay together so it never crossed our minds as being an issue. We also never really went on dates as we started going out pretty quickly and pre tinder etc. I can imagine it being an absolute nightmare to deal with some people like the one in the post...
Me and my partner split it down the middle. We've been doing that since our first date.
Heck yeah, that is the way to do it. This is after all the 21st century. Only exception is Birthdays of course :D
Same here. Our first date, he paid, as he asked me, and insisted. We went to an inexpensive place. Took a lot of pressure away.
lol Matt Palmer, my wife and I too, but now it just comes out of the same account anyways!
The biggest question is why would he ask her out after that dinner? I mean, yeah sex and stuff but it was soooo not worth it...
As he said — he knew she was mad, so he wanted to make it up for it on a second date.
She asked him out.
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She apparently was mute in shock that night. He knew what she was trying to do and didnt pay for her stuff. She didnt say anything that night... He wanted to tick her off LOL
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Why not? Probably she didn't complain and he thought he found a progressive woman who does not depend on a man to pay her dinner...
He already knew she was mad so...
Boy, was he wrong...
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Because he is being nice????
First off, it's tacky to order expensive items if you're expecting someone to pay. Second, if you invite someone to dinner, it should be your treat.
I just love how a lot of women pull the "you must be gay" card when things don't go their way after a date. Pathetic.
A lot of men pull the "you must be a dyke" crap if a woman doesn't want to have sex with them.
That hasn't been fashionable for years. In fact it's been fashionable for awhile now that men lust after "dykes," so what would the modern complaint be actually if she was indeed a dyke? The only people it's still fashionable to insult on a regular basis is anything with a penis.
I'm a dyke and I don't want to have sex with you. Just an f.y.i.
My husband had gay rumours for years. I thought it was because he spoke with his hands. I had no idea it was because he was a tad tight with money. Damn, I learn something new every day!
Azzmador, his father is Jewish, his mother is Catholic, while both my parents are Jewish. My hubby is actually pretty good about donations (conservation, local poverty, etc.). By the way, you can convert to Judaism if you want. Let me know if it makes you rich.
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I would have assumed he was Jewish.
I'm so tired of ridiculous humans...
Me too. Good thing I'm not a human but a owl 🦉 😉
Owls RULE lol
Back in the day, it was normal for the guy to pay when he asked a girl out on a date. Now, not so much. I'm older than dirt now, and I fully expect to pay for my own meal, unless I'm being treated for some reason. And if somebody else is paying, I tend to order from the cheaper side of the menu. I mean, really. That's just good manners. Apparently, this little gold-digger's mother never taught her any.
Why do you assume it's her mother's fault? That's rather sexist. Her father could have taught her that.
A man can't teach a girl how to be a woman, just a like a woman can't teach a boy how to be a man. It was her mother's responsibility to raise her into good and decent woman. The only way it wouldn't be her fault is if she died or became debilitated before she could do that.
No. Your arguement is invalid. Her mother DOES have experience being in her shoes as she was young and dating. While her father DOES NOT have any experience dating as a young female.
When are people going to stop assume? 🙄 Just ask and smile, the date doesn’t end there. “Are we splitting the bill?” with a smile has never been more easy! I personally think it would be super weird if someone paid for everything, especially food and wine on the first date. Two cups of coffee and buns? Yeah maybe. I think it’s quite normal to split the bill when you are not dating and even then, it depends on how you do things. I personally have paid bills, splitted bills and been offered to pay when I say thank you! I work for my money. I don’t need someone to open doors or pay my stuff but if they want to do it and we are already going out well fine. That’s probably 95% of nordic girls for you. We are independent and able to do our own shit. 👊🏼 Also I have dated both men and women (lets just say humans) and treated them the same. Never had any problems with the bill. Guess why? No assuming! Is it just me and how I was raised or what? 😄
So if the rule is that the one who invites pays, you can at least have the decency to not order something expensive, or to ask if its ok to order something expensive.
I don't think you understand the rule. She invited and SHE ordered something expensive. She shouldn't have to ask if it's ok but she damn well should have offered to pay right out of the gate.
No. She shouldn't have offered to pay. When the waiter came, she should've grabbed the bill first, pulled out her credit/debit card and took care of her guest, period. No ifs, ands, or buts about it. If you can't be a good host, don't EVER invite ANYBODY ANYWHERE and you're good to go.
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Sorry - but he was Scottish and mean - and the Scots have a reputation of being very careful and cautious with money. HE reinforced the stereotype - not me. Here's a good one Lol - he asked me to put his lottery on - even though he had all week to do it himself. I was busy and never got chance that evening. 4 numbers came up in the draw - he made ME pay HIM the £80 he would have picked up - had he bothered to put his lottery on himself any time in the previous week.
Don't think circumstances matter, whoever you go out to dinner or drinks with you should at least be prepared to pay for yourself. If your date or friends offer to pay for you then that's very kind, but no one is entitled to it
she called him gay and said he only wanted to have sex with her? huh? hello?
Wait, he was disgusted with her behavior at dinner but then asked her out again? (He said he was a gentleman by not leaving during dinner) They both sound terrible.
He explains why he invited her out again. Re-read the piece, right after the back and forth posts.
Whenever I go out, with friends, a date, whatever, I expect to pay for my own service and plan accordingly. After the meal, I have the amount I owe calculated in my head and will quietly offer it to the person who invited me to the meal. If they offer to pay for everything I thank them and all is good. Why is this so hard for some people? Just play fair and be nice.
bad parenting. seem like the kind of person who Always get what she want no regard of the rest.
True, I saw too many Supernanny episodes on YouTube
My Ex liked to appear generous in front of other people. He would insist on paying for me then demand the money back later - Scottish. Once I got my money out to give him at the table and he was angry at me for embarassing him in front of his son.
good thing he is an ex
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What does that have to do with being Scottish?
Your anecdote is not evidence of an entire culture.
Enforcing a stereotype, nothing else.
It isnt an anecdote
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I was a "Bidey -in"
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This was an entire culture in Dundee
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The Scottish are notoriously careful with their money
Aaah a double facer( is that a word?)…never trust them
I hope, not all Scottish are like this..
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Just Dundonians
why is my description of his mean behaviour downvoted - just curious?
Because you could have made the entire comment with out the racist addition of "Scottish".
Noone cares if they say go Dutch. That's just like Scottish. Just a way of speaking, who cares. Who invented the copper wire? 2 Dutch ppl fighting over a cent.
WTF.. so if you are not a gentleman by paying for her expensive meal you must be gay?!! What an insult to gay guys!!! So to sleep with her you have to pay her, expensive, dinner? Again, Where was she from?
Why is this article-worthy?
If at all possible, it's best to start with somewhere cheap for a first date - coffee, deli, or similar lunch. This takes some of the burden (and pretense) off the meal and puts the conversation up front. Personally, I always try to pay for my date's food on the first outing. Not because it's my gentlemanly duty, but because I'm grateful for their time and companionship. To someone who is selective with their dates, that's worth paying for.
I wouldn't particularly consider 17.50 euro to be particularly expensive. Not 'cheap', no, but unless you want to take a date to macdonalds or something, (which could be interesting. mwhahaha. April first is coming.) She probably ordered the most expensive stuff on the menu (46 euros on the lobster, 80 on the wine?).
That’s what the guy ate. The girl ordered lobster and wine for over 100$. I think that is expensive as shit. If the bill would have been around 40$ that would have been reasonable!
Ani-97, I do believe that was my point.
I seriously would say " are we going halves on this - theres a bottle of wine I fancy at -- £300" - then she will say - you pay for your own
Sounds like she's looking for a sugar daddy. High maintenance much? The guy works 60 hours a week while going to college? And still has time to date? When does he sleep?
The Girl should have reasoned that a student has constraints and should NOT have ordered expensive eats - Lobster & premium Wine. She was only after a Free Meal and her talk about her Boy Friend was obnoxious. I remember telling my Son's Girl Friend at Sears, lets buy you some Dress. She said uncle, lets go to Walmart nearby. She was the best Girl for my Son.
Your son's GF reminds me of myself. I've had loved ones insist on buying me something, and my mind immediately goes, "Where's the least expensive place we can go?" If they insist on buying it at an expensive store, I will make a beeline for the clearance rack. I usually tell them, "Save your money and let's go to the thrift store." There are amazing items at Goodwill. I do most of my clothes shopping there.
Bonus: Walmart's been getting in some really beautiful clothing lately; why spend $75 for a regular department store dress when you can get a really gorgeous one for less than half that at Walmart? I'm totally with your son's gf.
Good final answer :)
the whole incident would have been avoided if both parties had been more up front about what they were expecting...all you had to say was, "I am a student and down to my last 20 tonite. My paycheck from my student job doesn't come in for a couple of days. Do you mind if we go dutch treat tonite? Unless you want to treat me, of course?" It all would have stopped right there if she got obnoxious and asked him for a luxury dinner of a giant lobster. Talk about unreasonable expectations!
But you make it sound like he needed an excuse to go dutch. Even if he had plenty of money, she was the one who asked to go out on the date and she shouldn't have assumed that he was going to pay just because of his gender.
If he didn´t enjoy the previous date... why does he invites her again? Just to make her see how unrespectful she was? Maybe... On the other hand... she was really rude: she ordered expensive food and even worse: she spent the night talking about other guy?? pfffff
It's obvious he wanted a good Reddit story if you ask me.
At the first mention of wanting to make out with another guy, I would have got up and left. This happened to me once and that’s about as low down as it gets.
Perhaps he invited her out, knowing her response to prove (by the text) what type of person she is!
Well for one thing he had no idea she was upset about paying for her own meal until he texted her. Likely she was attractive enough for him to make excuses to himself and for her about talking about the other guy so decided to give it another chance. Clearly he did not have a full measure of her until she reamed him for not paying and called him 'gay' for not picking up her tab. If you think her attitude is uncommon or an outlier you are quite wrong. Most guys don't experience that because they do pay.
He actually explains why, right after the the thread.
Just to tick her off. Kinda being a smartass seing if she would say anything so he could then call her on it.
It's interesting that she ordered lobster; ... one bottom-feeder eating another bottom-feeder.
If a man asks me out, yes, I will expect him to pay but I’m realistic. I’m not going to order just anything because he is paying. I would feel bad. On top of that, NOT talk about another guy that I may be into. She obviously likes to ‘date for dinner.’ Just rude and stupid!
Same! Yes, if *he's* the one asking *me* out, I would hope he planned to pay for dinner, unless he specified otherwise beforehand with a good reason, such as "I am a broke college student." But even if he was paying and wasn't broke, I would still be a decent human being and order something of equal or lesser value than what he's ordering. But this man didn't even invite this woman out! It was the other way around! She invited *him* to dinner, ordered over a hundred bucks' worth of food and drink, and tried to get him to pay for it! It's like when she invited him, what she was really saying was, "You are cordially invited to give me a large sum of free money. Do you accept?" LOLOL OMG no just no, WTFWTF
Insinuating he would be owed sex if he did pay for dinner, he doesn't come off so well himself.
I don't see where he implied that.
Why did he ask her out the second time? (First text)
What is it with all these entitled bitches lately? I expect better from women, myself included.
Both of these people seem like total trash. Her bitchy greed and his rude ghetto responses. Fucking ew. It’s cool to split bills. It’s cool for men to pay. It’s cool for women to pay. It just depends on the circumstances and people. My fiancé paid a lot when we first started dating but I loved to pay a lot too. It’s fun both ways. Taking care of each other. Being treated is fun. I understand the expectation within reason but it can’t be every single time either. People have budgets. And new couples go out a lot. It wears out your wallet after a while. This post is probably some fake ass woman-hating anti-feminist incel garbage though. Gag.
Meowton Mewsk - Wow! He was responding to HER and he seemed perfectly reasonable until SHE started with the crap. Does your last sentence refer to him? If so, where did you get that? If not, what does it mean?
Should just have said "are we splitting the bill" at the beginning - "there is this £200 bottle of wine on the list I have always wanted to try"
She was going to cost soooo much more over time
cwa92464 love
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I know a dumb cunt like this. My advice? Avoid Tinder. Like the plague. Accept invites from slut bitches and this is what you get.
Never expect anyone to pay for you. End of story. Like someone else commented...you go to dinner for the company. No one, no matter what, in this day and age should expect someone else to pay for there food, drink or whatever. If they are a friend and can't afford it, different story. Some woman want their cake and more. Some guys too. They are called parasites.
Psht, this is nothing! My friend took a girl out, and the first date bill ended up being over $400! He almost choked. XD That being said, I'm old fashioned. I expect the man to pay, but I don't run up the bill. I'm not generally going to order anything more expensive than he does, and I'm also fine with a date that costs nothing. This girl was definitely rude to expect so much on a first date.
BRAVO FOR THE STUDENT!!!! Nice girl would never put anybody into such situation.
I'm offended that she used gay as a insult. It would be funny if she would not have any money with her.
I always do something less expensive on a first date, coffee, pub, dog walk etc, paying for their coffee is fair game on a first date, if you're going in a few dates it racks up
That was hilarious. Usually it takes me a day to think of a comeback
Whatever happened to a coffee date for the first time out? Or just drinks? No student needs to be going out for these kinds of dates that cost hundreds.
hahaha... lobster and wine she is inconsiderate, good plan, epic fail.
I invited a gal to a casual lunch at a mediocre place where folks wear shorts & flip flops and she still managed to order a meal over 80 bucks . I paid, but. . . I knew I should have recommended the chicken and waffles .
A woman should never order what she is not prepared to pay for herself. Having said that, it is a mistaken belief that women are paid the same as men doing the same job. It may be true in some places but regardless of any supposed laws on the matter in many places it is not a reality.
The person doing the asking should pay on the first date. The person asked should Not be a greedy arsehole & view the other as a free ride. Any future dates, payment should be negotiated, usually paying for your own food & drinks until a relationship is established. Too many people refuse to talk about money for fear of being seen as cheap or mercenary but you have to to prevent resentment, remember a large % of divorced couples say their main source of arguments was differences over Money & how it should be spent.
Geez. I'm old now and things have really changed since I was in the world of dating. I never had lobster until I was an adult and went for dinner one night with a girl friend. Of course, we each paid our own bill. We had a great time and it was a wonderful experience. My husband and I ate out frequently. It was one of our favorite things. With today's rules, it seems like a good idea to get things straight before going out to a place that you may not be to afford.
For a casual date, sounds like they picked a pricey spot. That’s why first dates should be casual... a movie, coffee...so you can size each other up lol
I play it safe, if someone invites me out and I'm pressed for cash. I respond with, "I would love too but I'm kinda on budget atm, maybe when I get paid?" And if they respond with an, "Ok catch you next time!" All good... Now if they reply with, "No worries, I'm paying! Knock yourself out!" Then enjoy yourselves Ladies, but NEVER assume! Also, if a 'friend' asks you out and offers to pay don't EVER, EVER think that you are obligated to make-out with them or even "Ugh' sleep with them! NO! An offer is just that, a gift, with no exchange obligation
I agree with this guy. I do have a rule though: if you suggest and invite, you are buying. Also, first date? She ordered way too much food in general and showed herself to be both greedy, then talking about another guy like that, disrespectful. Guy did the right thing by covering himself and the gentlemanly thing by even offering to go out again with treating. He's dodging a major bullet with this trollop
Selfish and greedy !!!
Some men just cannot afford to pay for the woman's meal as well as his own. It all adds up. Both my bf and i work, and even though i had enough money to pay for myself on our first date he saw i was willing to pay for myself, but gently put his hand over my wallet and said "dont worry about it". Some men, like my bf, insist on paying for things. I dont ever expect him to, and i always let him know i can help out financially if he ever doesn't have money to spare. It's a respect thing
But on your first date with your BF did you order the most expensive thing on the menu and an expensive bottle of wine and tell him how much you wanted to make out with some other guy? Because if you did that any Man worth a damn would not have stopped you from paying for yourself.
I love that.
well. first they had to discuss who pays what in the beginning. as well as the place - isn't it too expensive etc. second, the girl ordered a lobster knowing it is costly - probably did it on purpose - wrong! third - am I the only person who thinks it is a bit weird - one drinks beer and another one - expensive wine (alone a whole bottle?) - they apparently don't match. but he could buy her flowers or propose pay part or do something nice. therefore fourth - I don't like the guy either. in the end he even insulted her. unmanly
They don't have lobster and wine on the dollar menu at McDonalds.
I always figured that if I'm inviting someone out, then I'm paying. If they want to pay for themselves, I won't argue. I would never expect someone to pay for me when I was the one who invited them though. That's just wrong.
When women expect a man to pay for dinner they are setting themselves up for alot of other bad things with that man and in life. It's 2019!
Never understood the problem. When I was dating I paid for the women I dated. When I got married, my wife and I both worked. Our total income went into one account and my wife paid everything. Now we're both retired and we still do it this way.
You are a true gentleman Sir.
So they still go on "dates" in Britain, huh? TInder not a thing there, I guess. Who pays for anything for anyone these days?
d
Gentlemen pay to buy wall flowers, not start a solid relationship. In other words when a girl is paid for at a restaurant etc... She should right away scream saying: "Did you think I am a BITCH?
Is this a real story? I mean, the prices in the title are in USD, but in the 'actual' chat, they are in euro. That means they live and study somewhere in Europe but not UK. At the same time, both their speech and punctuation are pretty American. I just don't buy it. Sorry, BP!
anyone who calls themselves a gentlemen .. well their dicks. Its like saying im a really nice guy though. in my books they both are morans
He can take me out, I'm allergic to lobster.
Awful women like that spend their lives entitled, angry and bitter. I feel bad for anyone choosing to stay with someone like that.
I'm a woman and yes I agree to eat somewhere at a reasonable price and split the bill
Dark-Castle knows my sister-in-law?
Screw that...woman want equal rights...I'm all for that! She can pay for her own food; after all if we continue to date I will likely be paying more often anyway. Why ruin a first date with the expectation that your date has to finance your gluttony. This works both ways BTW for men or woman.
Went on a first date a few weeks ago, we had dinner, both had roughly the same costing dinners, not lobster or anything. When it came to paying the bill, she offered to go halves, that ticked a vital box, if a woman is prepared to pay her own way she has my respect and shows she's not a freeloader. But then, as a gentleman, I paid for both of us anyway.
All right, let's lay down the rule of thumb in developed countries: Yes, there is a slight gender disparity in who's expected to pay, and for what. But nothing as extreme as this story. If the woman invites the man out, the default is that either she's paying or they're splitting the bill, and in some cases the man might insist on paying the whole bill, especially if he has more income than the inviting woman. If the man invites the woman out, the expectation is that he will pay the bill, but they might split the bill if there's a preestablished understanding between them, or if the man is short on income. It would be very rare for the woman to pay for the man's meal if he was the inviter, unless we're talking about a sugar mama situation or they're an established couple that takes turns paying. If you are a female inviter and your male date is rich, you should still bring enough money to cover him, out of courtesy. If he's poor, just freaking pay! And if you invited him AND he's poor, only a sick bastard of a human being would 1) expect him to pay, and 2) order the most expensive thing on the menu! If you think your date is paying, especially if he's not rich, you should always watch what your date is ordering, and don't order something more expensive!
My mom taught me that you should always let the other person order first and then order something that is less expensive than their meal. I do think though that the man should pay for the first meal if he's the one who asked her out. Ack, even if he didn't. I don't know. I've supported myself since I was 19 and will gladly pay for both of our meals in the future, but the first should be on him. And splitting the bill? Why not just sit at seperate tables and talk across to each other? Lol
Gentlemen she said... What about decent girls ?
I am older now. Was a model when I was young & never paid for my own food or drink. I did consider who I was with before I ordered.
Uhhhh.... this woman is kinda crazy. Why IN THE WORLD would she talk about the other guy she likes ON A DATE?! And then to expect the other person to pay?! Quite rude, if you ask me.
If I invite you, I pay! Has nothing to do with gender or else...she should have paid. If we're just going out together like a normal date, everyone pays for themselves. If you invite me, you pay...but I will make sure not to be on the expensive side and it might be revealing to ask what you are planning to order whiöe studying the menu (if you are going for something inexpensive I will take that as a hint).
I've had to leave a fair share of unsavory women with this mentality a many times wondering how they were going to pay for the meal they bought.
She's not for you. Best to find out early! Talk about who is paying before the date but I agree who invites can pick up the whole bill. Just custom.
I always pay for myself. Even if the man offers, I feel bad if I don't pay for myself
1) To me, whoever does the inviting is stuck with the check by default. But it's not set in stone. If a date invites me out, I would assume they're paying, unless they tell me beforehand that they can't afford to cover both of us, or unless I know their finances are humble, like in the obvious case of a COLLEGE STUDENT, DUH. Same if I invited them. I would expect them to expect me to pay. 2) I would never invite someone out and assume they'll pay for everything. That's just ridiculous. 3) Most importantly, when you're out with someone and you think they're paying, even if they invited you, COMMON BASIC MORALITY dictates that you ask them what they're going to order, and then you discreetly check its cost on the menu and order something of similar or lesser value!! The idea that this BYAAAATCH saw this guy order a €17 dinner and proceeded to order a €120+ one for herself and tried to put it on his tab is just sickening. The evil part of me wants her to die horribly.
So, after all was said and done, did you get lucky?
No matter who invites whom, I am always ready to pay. I wouldn't order something that I didn't have the money in my wallet to cover. Using someone for an expensive dinner is petty and wrong.
My understanding is that etiquette dictates that if you invite the person on the date, it is the expectation that you pay. You don’t invite someone to your home for dinner and then expect them to provide the groceries and cook the meal! Of course when the bills comes, etiquette also says that if the other person wishes to pick up the tab, you allow it without fuss and express sincere appreciation verbally.
I am old school . I am used to a date paying for food, opening doors, being a gentleman and showing courtesy. This girl went over the top with her order. I am always modest in what I may order. I have never invited a man out on a date. Hanging out with friends is different and you pay for what you consume. I don't do dates expecting to put out either. If the guy is too cheap to pay or too poor I'd rather not go out with him.
My dad told me a story that happened about eighty years ago (literally) when men were expected to pay and that was all there was to it. He had a date with a girl and this was right on the heels of The Great Depression. The girl ordered so much food and expensive wine that my dad had to order water and toast and only had a NICKEL for the tip. He almost got thrown out on his head. Needless to say, he never dated that girl again. We children had always looked at a girl like that as a gold digger who was only out for herself. The same is the case here, except that she belonged in the 1940's, not the new millennia where girls can't pull those stunts. Kudos for the guy for his actions except maybe asking her out again.
At least back then I could kinda see some excuse as to why that girl behaved that way; eighty years ago it was super difficult for a woman to find any kind of decent employment or support herself, so it would be reasonable to assume women looked for men who were financially comfortable enough to support them (though the one your dad dated took it a bit too far). Ever since the 1970s women have had far greater job opportunities, so those of us who came along after that are accustomed to being able to support ourselves. We don't need men to support us, so a woman trying to play the same game as the one your dad went on a date with in these times has absolutely zero excuse for that kind of behavior.
she is plainly a prostitute, if she expects people to pay to be with her.
80-dollar wine? opportunist woman, greedy and ordinary the way she responded! Guy handled it very well.
I can't believe someone could be so rude as to order such an expensive meal with a new guy, probably knew he was a student too. I can understand if you are in a serious relationship and know the guy can afford such extravagance. I would advise all new relationships to start out with a coffee and bagel and see how ya'll hit if off. Who wants to spend even 17 euros on a bitch like that. You didn't need to apologize to her, she was rude and just stay away from those types of golddiggers. I mean really, would she have ordered such an expensive meal from the get go if she knew you guys were going "Dutch." She gives women a bad name... just awful!!!
Lesson learned: first date - go to Burger King.
Dude, I'd call that dodging a bullet. You do NOT want this chick in your life!
My belief is that it doesn't matter who pays! If the girl wants to pay, let her pay. If the guy wants to pay, let him pay. If it is really expensive (which most dining can be), they should pay separate, so it's fair for both. You can't underestimate a woman for not having money!!!!!! And you can't always expect the guy to always have the money!!!!!!! I would just bring extra money just in case I needed it.
If I say: Let's hang out some time, and you agree, then we each pay for our own thing. If I say: Hey, come to dinner with me, then I just invited you and I pay for both.
In today's world I rarely pay for a dates meal unless it's specified up front. Women want equality and now they can have it! Everyone pays for their own meal, it's the best way to go.
I ALWAYS try to go Dutch. If the guy insists I think it's sweet & that he's a gentleman but if he does I insist on leaving a nice tip. My reasoning esp on a first date is that I don't need you but I choose you & there is no way I'm sleeping with you. I grew up in NJ & a lot of the guys there are pigs so if they buy you dinner they think I should be their dessert & that's NEVER going to happen no matter who they are. Oh & she's a stuck up bitch but Karma will get her so no worries :)
Women who expect to have their meals paid for are (on a date) are just another kind of “freeloader”... I’m not saying the guy can’t pay sometimes, but my hubby and I always alternate paying when we go out to eat- have donecthat since we started going out 22 years ago. Before meeting him I rarely expected a guy to pay for me, less headache when it can’t to the end of the date- no expectations about certain things. But naybe she should’ve not ordered lobster & wine thinking she might have to pay for it. Plus if she asked him out, it should be at least Dutch!
I have experienced this. I am a woman. One day, I was invited by my boss to eat together at a restaurant. This is not a date but there is another project that I want to offer. After eating, at first I thought it would be paid but it didn't. Thank God the food is cheap so I don't eat a month's salary. LOL.
Fake
You are absolutely right!! How dare her even order so expensive to begin with. She sounds like a real gold digger. I never order super expensive menu items even now that ive been married for over 20 yrs and i also pay for the whole meal many times. Thats how it should be. Taking turns paying the bill or both paying together is very fair and smart. You need to get with someone who got your back and not complain about it. I tell my kids the same thing with who they choose to be with in life. Keep up your studies! Youre doing great!!!!
Some people are just total ass holes. I offered to buy a guy a drink in a bar to break the ice and hoping it lead to other activities. I didn't hear what he said to the bartender, but the bartender motioned me aside and said he'd have to open a bottle of champagne and I'd have to pay for the whole thing. The bloody jerk ordered a champagne cocktail and he expected me to pay for it! He carried on like an adolescent, calling me cheep, rude etc. He wasn't worth the cost, and told him so. He didn't get his cocktail and I didn't get laid, but I saved a lot of money.
I'm almost 60, so can tell you that, even back in the day when it was expected that a gentleman would pay, a lady---and I use lady to counter the word gentleman that the woman in this article used in her text---would also be mindful of the prices of items on the menu, and never ever order almost ten times the cost of her date's meal. This woman, the personification of gold digger, is not a lady, and makes the rest of us look bad.
I wanna ask what's wrong with the gay thing that the girl mentioned?
I am feeling so happy reading this.
Me and my gf take it in turn to pay since day 1... And no! she didn't order lobster the 1st time I paid.
She obviously saw him literally as a free meal ticket, why would she order probably the most expensive things on the menu and take a pap about actually paying for it herself? I see relationships as both sides being equal, that means paying my way and taking responsibility for my own choices. She on the other hand is probably used to Mummy and Daddy handing everything she wants on a plate. Well lady, you're in for a shock, welcome to the real world - where you are not as all that as you clearly think you are, it's not ok to use people!!
A simple bit of consideration on her part would not have gone astray. she is a predator, If you want to eat the most expensive food on the menu just offer to pay for the whole bill that way you wont run into an embarrassing situation where it seems like you have phenagled the other person into over spending on you. she is obviously aware of what she has between her legs and has no problem using it.
Dating... the issue is not about who pays but to enjoy, explore each other and have fun. Dating depends on the individual, culture, tradition, agreement and commitment and etc. I would rather suggest instead of reacting to this dating issue about who pays, I think that before going on a date, all cards must be laid down, who will pay for the food or for everything. Will there'll be sex after date or none. Who will commit. So when everything is cleared up, go ahead and have a date, clean and no issues. But I think that it's just in my fucking mind. Well, just go ahead and have a date and forget about formalities just have a very good clean fun. NO SEX. WTF! LOL
čistá zlatokopka. preč od takej !
Please note that I am 67 years young ! When I was younger I always expected the person who asked me on a date to pay , though on first dates I always ordered meals that were reasonable . If I went out with a male friend I always offered to pay for whatever I ordered though was never taken up on the offer. This was in the sixties and early seventies .
You must me gay! What was that?? So Ugly.
If I invited a guy out I would be expecting to pay the bill unless we discussed splitting it. She obviously has no clue on what it means to work for a living or to have manners! People like her make me embarrassed to be classified as the same sex.
On my first date with my partner we saw a movie (we are both huge Marvel fans) and we split the cost. He bought the tickets and I bought the snacks (in South Africa they are almost the same price!) and it felt right.
I love how he sent Stalin's image at the end lmao
Love the stupidity here. The fact he is a progressive should've turned her off instantly. It is basic moral standard of a true gentleman to pay for the ladies meal - within reason. This was NOT within reason. Upwards of around 40 or so is reasonable, hitting close to 60 - is an issue. She was in the wrong for wanting a free ride...and he is well...I already covered that.
My policy for dating is: You pay for your own shit on the first couple dates. You ask for it? You buy it yourself.
I would say; split the bill. Expect to pay your own share, unless your date has specifically stated from the onset that they would treat you. And if you are being treated, don't order the most expensive things on the menu, ffs. That's just a sign of being a greedy f*ck.
If going out for a meal with someone- I would always choose one of the lower priced items on the menu rather than the highest - how selfish - and expect him to pay for it? Go buy your own lobster.
The first time a man asks a woman out, then he should Pay. The next time they go out, the woman should at least offer to pay or go "Dutch." If the woman can't afford to pay, then cooking him a nice meal at home would be entirely acceptable.
She invited him out
What can I say? She's a gold digger. <3
This has always struck me as a weird topic, and people have such different opinions on it. I'm a woman, and every time I went out with anyone - man or woman - I always offered to pay for myself. Always. And sometimes, guys would get legit offended, like, "You think I'm gonna let the woman pay???" There was one guy I dated for a while who was so adamant that he always be the one to pay that I once flagged down our waitress while he was in the bathroom and asked her to hand the bill specifically to me. I don't really feel comfortable with someone else paying for me all the time. At any rate, I figure whatever your personal opinion on this, like most things, any potential upset can be avoided by just having a freaking conversation. Don't expect, don't assume, and try to be considerate. If someone requests the pleasure of your company, make sure it's actually pleasant.
And that's why she's single
Raised in the 70s and 80s. I was taught to pay for myself because that's fair. I've only gotten pushback about it once from a guy, and he turned out to be very traditional in other ways too, so that was a short-lived episode. If you're working or otherwise have money, I believe you should pay for your own meal. The point is to get to know someone and enjoy their company, not a free dinner.
He did great with his responses, as well not getting down to her level. She turned vile quite quickly. A good way to have learned more about her real self. Bullet dodged.
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Why does this not surprise me about some girls. I have had some friends tell me I should go out with a guy to get a free dinner and I am like that is not right. I am sorry girls but you should not expect to get hand me outs from guys. If you want to be seen as an equal to a man then either one pay for your own bill or offer to pay for theirs.
Well, I guess I’m old fashion (I’m 70) but in my day the gentlemen always paid. Never did I pay for dinner however, that being said I would never order a very expensive meal either if I did not know their financial situation. Things have changed now and women have good jobs. Maybe on a first date they should split the check but I still wouldn’t make a hobby of it.
Nothing shows your age more than the assumption that a man should always pay when it comes to dates. If he insists on it then sure, go ahead, but the polite thing to do ever since we got out of the 20th century has been to be the one to treat at the next date. Assuming that men should be the ones to pay for dates is just as sexist as assuming that buying a woman a drink at a bar means she owes you in some way.
Honestly Christine, I’ve never met a man who didn’t at least pay for the first date.
is that chef boy logro
I'd have stuffed the lobster where the sun doesn't shine !!
Goldigger got her comeuppance!
I really hate when women expect men to pay their food.
People.
its as wrong for a woman to EXPECT a man to pay as it is for a man to EXPECT sex. If an offer (either way) is made great but if not no way, its 2019 not 1920.
he expects sex in return for paying for dinner. She did herself a favour by ordering out of his price range.
She definitely sounds like a sociopath just a plain user it with no conscience or respect for others good for you for standing up for your rights. There is a possibility she is a drug user or a alcoholic
以前西方AA制可是被当成模范来讲啊～
酗酒者匿名与任何事情有什么关系？
Women always talking about equality and feminism then I see shit like this.
I don't think like this b*tch at all and neither do any of the women I know. You're a misogynist for lumping all of us together. Feminists want to be on equal footing, not take advantage of men. What this b*tch did is the opposite of feminism.
They are both losers: he accepted her invitation thinking at the back of his mind he'll get a free meal since she invited him, and she on the other hand ordered an expensive meal thinking he'll pay for her since he's the man
I take exception to this from the intro: "In the old days, when women were less likely to work and earn their own money". First of all, in the old days, most people didn't "work", they were hunter-gatherers, subsistence farmers, or farmers. In all cases, the woman worked and if money was involved, she earned it. As far as having a "job", for certain societies the last few hundred years, women very definitely DID work, but no, they often didn't get paid. Let's be careful with our language.
#metoo can’t have it both ways ladies, you wanna be man’s equal then get this stereotyping out of your head that the man pays for everything. We work as hard as you in the work place (these days, some of us work harder to get promoted because equal opportunity’s means that we’re no longer first in mind for promoting if some boxes need ticking) and I’m hoping we get paid fairly regardless of gender. So guess what, time to pay your equal share of life. We’re equals in every way from 2018 onwards. Nothing wrong with a guy or a girl offering to pay the full bill. But don’t expect it based on gender. Times are changing and we will only be equals if both sides change their mindsets from them brutal outdated stereotypes.
That's why a first date should always be something cheap..like Taco Bell, McDonalds or Wafflehouse. If she is going out on the date because she really really likes you, then she won't mind where the meal takes place, as long as you're there. It's a good way to sort the gold diggers and princesses from the real women.
Call me crazy but I love the Waffle House! I've only been to one on a couple of occasions because there are none where I live, but they've got some pretty tasty food. Also, if a date wanted to take me to Whataburger (the most popular fast food chain where I live) I'd be thrilled because they've got really great food, and if he treated I'd feel like it was Christmas all over again.
This woman blew it on several fronts: 1. She initiated the date and never discussed how the check would be split. 2. In the days when men picked up a woman's tab, (A) She was probably smart enough not to talk about other men and (B) Women were frequently expected to put out. 3. If she had any manners at all, she would have suggested they have separate checks. If he insisted that he would treat, she would ask what looked good on the menu to him and order something the same price or cheaper.
We should take in account that nowadays women are not female anymore - they become male - poorly male without wisdom - "me-myself-I-me-too" is everywhere. I wonder why men still invite such women out. To strive for sex with such a woman is utterly stupid. A normal man sees which women are female. It is betrayal to seek for sex with an egocentric woman and it leads nowhere. The father-wound in the collective female is so very deep that women lose contact to femininity - feminsim does its work to destroy our culture - why? Well because we do not know what it stands for - it is just a refelction of the male macho. Women like this one are so dumb that every man should avoid them.
What's with the beyond fake dialogue? God I hate these stories that are passed off as real and are badly written.. No one talks like that..
Why is this on Bored Panda???
If you want other types of articles, such as art and photography, click on “Latest” at the top of the page, then scroll down to your preferred topics.
Susan, is this your first time here? I mean that quite seriously.
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I expect to come here some leftists to talk about the "gender pay gap" and about his "toxic masculinity", lmao.
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FAKE!
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Seems like a fake post spread on incel boards lol. Look at all the mysogynist hate this riled up. Clearly this is more of an issue than men’s entitlement on dates to sex. Only neck beards get this upset about a jerk. He’s super upset he got rejected, that’s all. A normal person would just roll their eyes and move on, not make some weird revenge post trying to show how “evil” a woman is. Please cue the ridiculous responses to my comment now lol
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Nobody talks like this. Really. It's just two people sitting next to each other on the couch writing this dumb ass shit.
Things happen, keep your eyes and ears open...
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In before some RadFem calls the OP "sexist"
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She was a gold digger from the start. At no point during this date did she have any respect for him, merrily talking about other guys in front of him. But this is women in 2019. Most of them aren't worth pissing on.
Years back, I dated a man who thought I was worth pissing on. Mind you, that was way before 2019 when women were worth pissing on. Now it's 2019 and my husband doesn't piss on me. Sadly, the toilet is worthier than I am.
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And another one. These women have no honour whatsoever. I never let anyone to pay for me when going out, until my fiancee put a ring on my finger. I hesitantly agreed to be bought food since then. I always found paying for myself a sign of independence, value and honour and pride. It feels good to be able to afford stuff and I don't need charity and alms. And no, I am not a feminist or anything - like I said, my fiancee pays for me now when we go out :P
What's wrong with feminism? It's simply treating woman as equals to me (which of course, we are.)
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Just because you don’t like the idea of women having sex, it doesn’t make them hos. No more than your mom was.
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Name and shame the bitch.
Among the problems with naming and shaming people online: some names are quite common; some people receive death threats and have to leave their homes, change their number, online accounts, etc; they can be hounded by many, many people beyond their own circle; someone might hack their accounts or pretend to be them and try to ruin their lives. I think the man warning his immediate circle should be sufficient.
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This was a gold digger from the start, she even started talking about another guy in front of him. At no point during this date did she have any respect for him. This is women in 2019, I'm afraid.
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I never paid for any of my meals when we went out for dinner. He had a job, I didn't I was a college student, he was done it already. Now I'll sometimes pay for our pizza, I call it my treat. But I barely have money to do that. I also refuse to get a job. I also refuse to pay someone to watch our child. So...
Lol dafuq. Why?
Get a fuckin job.
If you’re home with a small child, that’s fine. If you’re planning to never get a job, that could be an issue in the following situations: your husband loses his job; the marriage breaks up and he’s not diligent with child support and alimony; he dies without a will and it takes a while to transfer his estate to you.
Troll much?
My ex refused to get a job until he got hungry and had to. I do not understand ppl who have no problem w a lazy partner.
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My boyfriend pays everything. I wanted to give him my card but he did not want it. Other guys would just take my card to pay.
They would TAKE YOUR CARD? What?
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I dated 2 guys w no job and I'd give em my card, else the waiter made comments that I always paid.
Before I left for hostel, my mummy said just ine thing on repeat? DON'T GIVE ANYONE YOUR CARD, like ever. Check your accounts n all please
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Who cares? It's nobody's business how two dating people take care of the bill.
True but this was a first date, not a dating couple. And also only one side of the story.