Guy Doesn’t Allow Sister’s BF To Ruin His Italian Dish With Asian Hot Sauce, Drama Ensues
Family traditions are a wonderful thing. They help you stay in touch with your relatives, and they give you something fun to look forward to throughout the year. While some family members might only get together once a year for the winter holidays, others see each other far more often—every week. Doubtless, the best way to bring everyone together is through good food!
However, no matter how much you love each other, some small arguments are inevitable. Some of them might even be about the food you all eat together. When you’re making a meal for your nearest and dearest, you can come under quite a lot of stress. You want to make everyone happy. And it can sting if you realize that someone isn’t enjoying themselves.
Redditor u/Such-Ad5600, who lives in Canada and is proud of his Italian heritage, went viral on the AITA subreddit after sharing a spot of family drama at the dinner table. He shared how he and his family take turns to cook dinner for each other every Sunday. However, things got a bit out of hand when his sister’s boyfriend wanted to put some hot sauce on the authentic Italian food. Scroll down to read the full story and to see how the internet reacted to it.
We’ve reached out to u/Such-Ad5600 via Reddit, and we’ll update the article once we hear back from him.
Bored Panda also got in touch with celebrated pie artist Jessica Leigh Clark-Bojin, the founder of Pies Are Awesome and a published author, to hear her thoughts on the reasons why food is so central to family traditions, as well as how to deal with criticism in the kitchen in a healthy, mature way. Read on for our interview with her.
When it comes to food, everyone has slightly different tastes
Image credits: Sticker Mule (not the actual photo)
A man who made authentic Italian dishes for his family got into an argument with his sister’s boyfriend, who wanted to add hot sauce to spice things up
Image credits: Masson-Simon (not the actual photo)
The man later revealed what food he had made
Credits: Such-Ad5600
Pie artist Jessica was kind enough to answer Bored Panda’s questions about the role that food plays in family traditions, as well as how we should all react if someone doesn’t enjoy our food as much as we would like them to.
“As long as there have been humans, there have been shared meal times. Everyone has to eat. Whether your job was hunting the animals, foraging or tending crops, or preparing the food for consumption, everyone contributed to the family/social group’s sustenance. And logistically, given early limitations of food storage, it made sense for everyone in the group to eat together at the same time. This made mealtimes the natural candidate for sharing stories, information, teaching, planning, etc. As a result, the food we share during these times of cultural exchange becomes inextricably entwined with that culture,” she explained that cooking and eating united people no matter what.
“We associate our feelings and memories of those exchanges with the flavors, aromas, colors, textures, and even sounds of the particular foods and recipes of our cultural group. This was true in ‘caveman times,’ and it’s true today. That sense of belonging we feel with our ‘tribe’ is anchored by the visceral sensory input of our shared recipes. Nowhere else is this more in evidence than in the instant wave of nostalgia that hits us when we are reunited with a special dish popular at our cherished family celebrations.” All of us have special dishes like this and even just thinking about what your parents or grandparents used to make when you were a kid is bound to bring a smile to your face.
The reality is that it hurts if someone doesn’t enjoy our food. It’s something that many of us instinctively feel if we spot a frown or someone leaving half the dish uneaten. Pie artist Jessica told us that something we all have to be aware of is that everyone’s palate is different, just like their everyone’s cultural experience with food.
“It can take time and exposure to certain flavor combinations to fully appreciate them… So while it may be frustrating to encounter criticism or resistance to one’s ‘speciality’ in the kitchen, try not to take it personally!”
According to Jessica, if the criticism is coming from someone who’s a casual acquaintance who you’re unlikely to see ever again, you could let comments about your food being ‘bland’ slide. However, if it’s a family member or a close friend, you might find it worth the effort to make the case why your dish works as is, without any major changes.
“Something I have personally witnessed, coming from a family with many vegetarians without a big love of spice, is that people used to ‘big flavors’ have a harder time processing the subtle flavors in simply prepared ingredients,” Jessica opened up to Bored Panda.
“They may need to go on a bit of a sugar/salt/spice detox for a while before they can truly appreciate how delicious the simple roasted vegetable with just a little high-quality oil is. But it’s there! And with patience, they can find it and learn to appreciate it. But only a close friend is going to be willing to take the time to come on that journey with you…”
Jessica said that you should consider yourself blessed if you’ve got more than one or two friends in your life who would be willing to skip eating salt and sugar for a week so they can “re-taste your wok-fried tofu and pea shoots with an unadulterated palate.”
The specific family traditions themselves aren’t as important as the fact that you’re all regularly getting together, keeping in touch, and strengthening the bonds with one another. Traditions help give families a sense of who they are.
Your tradition might not be Sunday dinner—it might be Saturday brunch. Or getting together to watch a [insert name of favorite sport] game every month at the local pub. Or going on a fortnightly hike in the hills. Or something entirely different and incredibly goofy. There are so many ways to spend quality time with your loved ones. And the only limit is your imagination.
However, it would be naive to assume that every single moment that you spend with your relatives is going to be idyllic. Far from it! It’s natural to butt heads with the people we’re around constantly. Everyone has slightly different boundaries. By spending time with others, someone will naturally end up stepping over some of them. The discussions and arguments that follow are a way to clarify and (re)establish those boundaries.
So, from the story that was shared on the AITA subreddit, we can make the assumption that u/Such-Ad5600 values family, effort, and genuine authenticity when it comes to food. On the flip side, his sister’s boyfriend probably values personal freedom, honesty, and eating food in the way that he enjoys the most rather than keeping up appearances.
Some internet users thought that the author of the post might have overreacted and was in the wrong
The redditors who read the story had a range of different opinions. Some thought that pretty much everyone was in the wrong here, and criticized the OP for ‘policing’ how others ate food, as well as the boyfriend for escalating the conflict.
Others, however, thought that the author of the post might have been acting a bit too pretentious and shouldn’t have been offended that his style of cooking wasn’t to everyone’s liking. Some redditors even started discussing the core of Italian hospitality, and how it might not be just about the food, but also about “the comfort of your guests.” Others still thought that there was no room for ‘gatekeeping’ food.
We’ve written before on Bored Panda about how gatekeeping used to be a way for human beings to survive in the past. We used to live in tribes and gatekeeping, as well as suspicion of outsiders, was what helped prevent potential threats to the collective. Things are different now in modern times, however, many of us still have that instinct.
However, being kind to strangers has a lot of positive effects. Not only does it make us feel good in the moment (our brains are also hard-wired for being social and kind, not just wary of potential threats), it helps us lead a happier life. Seeing others happy makes us happy, too. And being happy about food is one of the best things ever.
Meanwhile, other readers thought that pretty much everyone was to blame for the escalation and the drama
Some people were actually on the chef’s side. Here’s what they had to say
Meanwhile, some internet users accused the author of the post of racism, here’s how he responded to them
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Love the question aita and everybody says yes yta and then argue with everyone in the comment section. If you cant handle the answer don't post the question.
You should let him put whatever he wants on his food for the simple reason that it's going in his mouth and not yours 🤷♀️
Right? Based on the title I thought the boyfriend wanted to put it in the food for everyone (that would be way different)
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Chili oil is not Siracha. He tried the food and wanted to add sth that would improve it to him. Taste is personal and food always changes with time. I mean come on... italians use tomatoes which are rather new to their country if you take a look at the last thousand years. Let people eat what they want.
Not only tomatoes (which originate from the Andes, like potatoes), but pasta as well. The oldest evidence of pasta comes from China; 1,700-1,100 BCE. The OP sounds pretentious AF and insufferable. Food is constantly changing and evolving.
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What is the point of asking “AITA” and then arguing with everyone who says yes? He basically just wanted everyone to validate his actions.
Yep! My exact thought. The pretentious d-bag expected everyone to validate him. Sounds like somebody who's never been told no.
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YTA. Nobody stands between me and my sriracha. Chili oil isn't even an appropriate substitute for a hot sauce - you want your food spicier, not greasier.
That's what I was thinking. I'm Italian and I make my own hot oil and hot sauces from the hot peppers we grow, but they do have different uses. I agree it adds heat, but also makes things greasier like you said.
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He's the a$$hole but expected everyone to be on his side. Refuses to even consider the possibility that he's wrong. He wanted to add something to his plate. Not everyone else's. My wife's family is legit Italian, my father in law immigrated to the states at 16 years old and makes phenomenal food. He's also a kind enough person to acknowledge that not everyone likes the same things or flavors their food the same way. Why in the world it meant so much to OP that the food be eaten the way he preferred rather than the way the person eating it preferred makes no sense. Get over yourself.
Lol. OPs a f*****g tool. Fair enough the guy could have just asked for the hot sauce without suggesting it's "missing something" (if he did in fact even say that). But OP has an overinflated ego and needs a good verbal slap. I'm of Scottish ancestry but I don't force people to eat haggis. And if I did cook it and someone asked for some whatever sauce I'd be like, have at it. And that comment about mayo on vindaloo... Guilty lol.
Wow, thank you for helping me overcome some of my biases regarding Scotts. I thought your guests had to finish an entire plate of haggis before you finish playing the bagpipes, or else you caber toss them to the moors.
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I'd said ESH until he started the replies. He's an AH that makes 'food culture ' into an affair that's much bigger than it is while most likely never having eaten the truly authentic thing in Italy himself. You can't cook a truly authentic meal out of the country for one simple reason: you can't get the fresh ingredients! As someone who travelled in her youth, it's not just how you cook the dish and which ingredients you use, the ingredients itself taste vastly different depending where they've been grown. Even meat tastes vastly different depending on the breed of the cattle, what it was fed and the climate it was raised in as well as the way it was butchered. And don't even get me started on fruit, flour and eggs. So this whole 'food culture' shebang is nothing but pretentious nonsense. Let people eat their food as they want it. And the way he replied insisting on his way or the highway tells me he might have driven that guy to the extreme measures he has taken to fight this idiot.
Yup - agreed! OP is TA. Even more so with how defensive he got with replies he disagreed with.
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Both, but OP is twice as much of an arsehole. Unless it's inedible, I wouldn't ask for any other condiments apart from what's on the table, someone else is providing food and cooking for free so just eat it, it's just one meal, I think it's rude to say it's "lacking something". On the other hand, if they want sriracha, chilli, curry powder, miso or strawberry jam with their food, in their own plate, that's their call! You really won't awake an ancient Roman god to curse your family for 20 generations if you mix cuisines!
This honestly just sounds like they are in competition, the brother and boyfriend, though means of cooking. I don't think it has anything to do with hotsauce or Italian cuisine at all.
I understand the culinary experience thing. Like this is traditional Japanese or Italian or French cooking and would you like to experience it the way it is intended? And it's totally ok if the answer is "no, thanks" and they want to drown your cultural cooking in Buffalo Bob's Buffalo BBQ Bastàrd Brewed Hot Sauce. As long as it's for their personal use, who cares if they don't want the experience you intended?
Was the boyfriend an unappreciative douche? Yes. But you're still the A hole. Once you put food on a plate and put it in front of someone it's no longer your food, it's their food. Really the only solution is to just not invite a guy like that over to dinner anymore.
The guy asked if he was TA and then argued with everyone about it. Gross. What an a**e. Plus- what was the other guy to do?? He was being forced to eat something he didn’t want to eat. I’d leave too.
If i was that said sister’s boyfriend and someone forbade me from putting hot sauce on my food (i hate bland food), i’d use the opportunity to go for a walk too if i’m honest, just to prevent myself from kicking off
"Bland" how do you know it was bland? Some of the best flavours are very subtle, and overloading our palates with flavours like sriracha all the time means we struggle to taste more subtle flavours. (I had sririacha on my dinner just yesterday, so I'm not prejudiced against it) I'd be hugely disappointed if someone felt they needed sriracha on my food. I would try to persude the BF to try to appreciate the food. But I;d have stopped short of causing the rift that this developed into.
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YTA and a tad crazy. Now he's going to come around with secret hot sauce to every family dinner.
I think they're all a******s and deserve each other. So many issues on all sides. I have a meal prep business and cook for friends and coworkers often. Idc what they add to their food. I mix cuisines all the time myself...they're called mashups and how do you think new genres are created? I have no less than 7 hot sauces by my stove and, yes, I add Louisiana Hot Sauce or Sriracha to every pasta dish I eat because it just tastes better. I say they're ALL a******s and deserve each other.
I don’t get it, did he want him to enjoy the meal or not? He’d actually rather him force down a meal he doesn’t like and have a bad experience associated with eating it rather than letting him put hot sauce on it and have a pleasant memory to look back on.
When people travel overseas to other countries to get an experience of the food and that culture you eat it as they serve it point blank period. Now if you don't like it then don't eat it but nobody is forcing anybody to eat anything. He could have tried the other options with the chili oil or pepper flakes but he chose not to. So basically he feels entitled to wherever he's at and any environment he can just decide to change up the dishes as serve by the people that's cooking it. So what if chef didn't have Sriracha sauce already in his refrigerator. That means boyfriend still would have been a douche and left the house to go by his own sriracha's sauce. The chef offered alternatives so there is no way he can be an AH. Look at extremes this boyfriend went to. If that ain't crazy I don't know what is. My thoughts from reading other comments would be if there should be no rules put on food then should people be under pressure to respect other people home customs as guest?
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If I were a boyfriend of three months, I would have politely asked for hot sauce, accepted what was offered to me, and if the food was still "missing something" (which is rude to say out loud), eat what you can and complain on the ride home. Missing dinner to buy your own hot sauce for the appetizers is a weird power play. He's a bad guest. The OP is also a bad host. Someone wants Sirracha after you offer chilli flakes--provide it. It's not like he wanted to season everyone's food. This sounds more like some kind of territorial contest.
I would dump.your sister right now, yta and so is she. If I want to add Ketchup, salt or whatever to the food I put in my mouth then that is my right. You may have made the food but only abused children have the opinions you do..mommy and daddy must have beat that into you. As there is nothing wrong with wanting to add. I used to here that s**t from my abusive father, he would go on and on because I wanted to add something as a kid. Yta screw you.
Honestly this is just a bizarre control freak s**t show scene. Why someone would care what someone else add’s to their own food is beyond me. If he doesn’t want to eat it as is then that’s his loss. All you can do is put in the effort and appreciate the people that appreciate it and let the ones who don’t miss out. You can’t force someone to appreciate art just cause you dragged them to a museum. 🤷🏼♀️
So the OP is a 35-year old married man and reacts like this?! Somehow I foresee a VERY interesting family life if his wife and future kids don't take completely after him and his opinions. Loads of childish pettiness, much wow, the immaturity is strong with this one.
I honestly hope OP doesn't procreate. I'm 100% certain their kids will grow up in a suffocating home environment and will grow to resent them until they can flee their home the second they turn 18 years old. :/
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After reading a header I thought the person wanted to use hot sause in the common bowl, like for everyone. But this is such a different situation. It's not cool of a sister to support her brother and not boyfriend who is right in this situation. Treasuring your family and culture is wonderful but being an adequate person and not bullying others should be more important
The brother is a bully and 12 years older than her. She's likely afraid of him.
Load More Replies... What an AH!!! He thinks his food is wonderful….maybe it is, but his Guest wanted more spice. Who cares!!!! Good Lord is this man’s identity tied up in his “cultural “ food ?? Grow up and get a life. The childish overreaction by the 22 yr old was bad enough but geez, this man is 35!!! Just hand him the bottle. Apparently the guest tried the food and thought it needed something. I like more salt than a lot if people, I guess I would have offended him too if I asked for the salt shaker!
On the topic of not mixing cuisines: if you want to cook really (and I mean really) authentic Italian cuisine you might want to avoid all of this last millenia tomato nonsense and try some ancient roman recipes. Unfortunately quite a lot of them use garum which was a Roman sauce that is no longer available. You are in luck however since it can be replaced with a modern day closest approximation - fish sauce. Asian fish sauce. So, in order to cook authentic Italian cuisine (tm) you need Asian cuisine. Sarcasm and hyperbole obviously but all technically true)))
If you have worked all day on a meal, with precious ingredients and tradition, someone slapping a spoon full of hot sauce (or mustard or ketchup) on it .... is... in the end... a disrespecful act. A pinch of salt is adding to the dish so it agrees better with your personal palate. A condiment like the one described completely changes and overpowers the original dish and turns it into something else. There is a diffenernce. But I would not ever let my guest leave on account of it. I would bring him a second plate so he can try the original dish aswel as and with his "inappropriate condimental additions". Also sarcastically teasing the guest a bit with his "blatant act of barbarism" would be a in its place. Turn it into a funny event that can be a running gag between friends for years to come.
Did you miss where the bf tried the food? He knows what the base dish tastes like and he wanted more.
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I was living with a woman several years ago. I spent a whole day preparing a Thanksgiving feast with turkey and all the fixings. Her mother was coming for dinner and I was meeting her for the first time. I right away noticed that she was a very strange and negative person. I did my best to keep quiet and not get into any conflicts with her. When we finally sat down for dinner she loaded up her plate with everything and kept complimenting me on how everything looked and smelled. Just as we were about to dig in, she got up and went to the fridge and pulled out a large jar of dill pickles. She took the lid off and poured about 4-6 ounces of juice all over her meal. So much that all her food was floating. I was totally grossed out and insulted. BUT...l didn't say anything. I just never invited her for dinner again.
Watched an episode of "Your Honor" wherein one character was asked what he had for breakfast, and he replied "pickle juice" so, y'know, I guess? it may be a food group? :shrug:
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Both guys are out of line. is this a toxic alpha male competition, or a family dinner?
OP considers stuffing down their prestigious cuisine down other people's throat a good substitute for pissing on them and marking their territory, it seems, lol.
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Both are being pedantic. You don't cook a family meal for praise. Its for people to enjoy, whatever that looks like. You shouldn't disrespect the effort someone has put into cooking, if its a family gathering. They could so easily just have made fun of each other, and moved on.
I keep ground up Carolina Reaper in a key ring i have.. maybe bf should do that too, as the host seems like a policing jerk. Its JUST carbonara... Its not a wagyu steak that he ask d you to prepare well done.. 😅 get over yourself
My husband puts his favorite orange-pepper spice on EVERYTHING! It used to drive me insane when I had carefully created a flavour profile for a dish and he just chucked it on without even tasting it first. I've learned to deal with it - I still ask him to at least try it first to make sure orange pepper would work with the dish (sometimes it really doesn't, in my opinion). But most of the time he adds it anyway. Hey, as long as he's not forcing me to eat it, it's not my problem!
Most food is a mixture of different cuisines. Most of the really good stuff in the world is a mixture of different people's stuff coming together.
ESH, but the boyfriend started it. Here's how to do it politely: "Can I have something to spice this up?" "Sure, here's some chili oil and flakes." "Thank you." If your guest insists on adding Siracha... let him, then he's the rude one. If your host's food is bland, ask as above, but take a no and don't eat much. Argh.
Seriously. No you want to tell someone how to eat you are the a*****e. Not up for debate. To tell someone that you can use this or this, but no a third option cause YOU dont think it goes together, then you need massive help.
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Just going to throw this out there. That sticker mule hot sauce they show at the top is banging!
ESH. The boyfriend was rude to vocalize how he wants to change the food, but even so, OP should have let him have his hot sauce regardless.
The brother is placing a higher priority on the food than the gathering of family. Performative acts of being "authentically Italian" in front of grandma are clearly more important to him than welcoming the boyfriend into the family and helping him feel welcome. Absolutely pathetic given that he's 10 years older yet acting with the maturity of an overly competitive 16-year-old. You can even see in his responses to comments that he's incapable of seeing past his own ego.
I doubt he said "something is missing" I bet you he just asked for hot sauce & dude flipped out. This guy added that detail to try to justify his behavior. But it still doesn't matter.
Yes ur the A hole.. I love hot sauce and use many different kinds including Italian hot sauce. I would just get up and leave if u didnt let me put it on my food. It enhances the flavor. I dont tell others what they can eat.
OP sounds insufferable. And don't ask questions whose answer you can't accept.
ESH. Boyfriend was rude when he said that something was missing, and he was *really* rude leaving to get sriracha. But you’re TA for policing his food. His hot sauce doesn’t affect you. And I see nothing wrong with mixing cuisines (fusion food! It’s delicious!), sriracha on Italian food isn’t traditional, but if he likes it, who cares?
That's almost the dumbest thing I've ever heard. The entire idea of cooking and serving a meal in this manner is to spend time with friends/family and the sharing of food is supposed to be a gesture of love. You don't just invite people to dinner to show off your cooking skills, but also bc you want them to enjoy themselves. The meal is a gift. You don't give someone a gift with the expectation that they will only use it exactly how you believe they should. You give it to them in the hopes that they will enjoy it. Period. If they chose to put hot sauce on their gift, that's not your business nor is it your place to tell them they can't do that. The "condiment police" is not a thing and you haven't been called to uphold the sanctity of carbonara and the cultural accuracy of its consumption. It's managed to survive this long without your intervention. Besides, fusion restaurants are popular for a reason... sometimes mixing things that aren't traditionally eaten together can be delicious.
Say what you want, but if I don't like your food I just wouldn't come around, lol. I grew up on a lot of bland food I didn't like and guess what, ever since I started living on my own that s**t just doesn't pass anymore in my home.
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Not only is this guy an AH, he also sounds incredibly immature and petty. The guy isn't trying to put hot sauce on YOUR plate so why the hell does it even matter? Huge ego.
This I don't consider rude. He was adding stuff to his own plate. Saying it's missing something isn't rude either? It's personal preference? I'm told that sometimes with my dishes and I just shrug it off because it is personal preference. He didn't say "this sucks and I'm not eating it," he was just voicing his own want. And as for food "sacrilege," you can try arguing that us mixing meats, spices, liquids, and other things together is sacrilege from what we did when we first started cooking anything. The whole thing about melding of cultures and everyone coming together is to mix food tastes. Not to the whole pot, but let people do what they want to it. This guy took this way too personally.
Wow. I came into this thinking by the title that the boyfriend was going to try to put it in the main dish so everyone had to have it with hot sauce. He just wanted it on his own? What's the problem? People should be able to eat what they want how they want. You're the a*****e.
I feel the sister's bf, honestly. If someone was so insistent on their ways that they'd seriously prefer I go buy my own hot sauce than god forbid put some on the dish I'm going to eat I'd go buy my own too. At this point he probably wasn't even thinking about politeness anymore, he must just have been hella angry. Also, if your familiarity with your own culture is so weak that you have to adhere to tradition to that point, you are no different from a cliché valley girl saying she's 5% italian. Culture permeates through your way of living. You do not need effort, and you certainly don't need others to make efforts for you to "feel" italian.
On top of that, the worth of "high quality ingredidents" as a replacement for "over-processed industrial stuff" is a matter of taste. Truffe may be expensive af, but I've eaten (was forced to "try" several times) enough truffe in my life to know I'd prefer industrial lay's chips over it as an aperitif.
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Sriracha and Italian food are a beautiful pairing. It pairs with red based sauces, white cream based sauces. It is quite a lovely flavor combo. The cook may want to try it sometime to broaden their horizons. A black and white world is so rigid and boring.
OP talked about his dishes as if they were rare, unique recipes that his great great great great grandma smuggled out of war torn Italy in the lining of her dress. Carbonara and bruschetta are "unfamiliar...cuisine"? If I can get it from any diner in rural Oklahoma with an Italian section on their menu it is not unfamiliar.
Guy is a piece of work, I would skip those dinners entirely. Any time I host people, I give them whatever makes them happy, feel welcome and cared for. If they want to put Tabasco on my lemon cake, go for it if that what makes you happy. Not for me to judge. Yes I put a lot of time and effort into the food, but it's the company of the people I invited to dine with is far more valuable than a dish where someone wants to add some hot sauce. Time with ones family and friends is the real reason to get together, food is secondary. At least that's how I see it.
If I were the boyfriend I just would stay home and host D&D sessions on those evenings and order take-out pizza, lol! Live and let live.
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Gimme a freakin' break. I do most of our cooking - I'm no chef, but I'm not terrible either. Boy-child has been a bit of a picky eater in his past, but is branching out and trying lots of new things - some he likes, some are, in his words, "not his favourite". Some, he's happier if there's a splash of ketchup or Sriracha on the side (we've got copious amounts of both on hand). I'm not going to judge him - or refuse him - either way... hell, I'm just happy he's trying new things! I remember back to the days when every meal was chicken nuggets with a side of goldfish crackers. So, back to the original topic, if somebody wants to add something to anything I made, more power to them. I made it to the recipe, or to my taste - but I'm not going to begrudge them adding whatever they want to make to to their own tastes... whether that's salt, pepper, ketchup... or sriracha. OP isn't a Michelin chef, they can get off their high horse at any time. Rant over, back to whatever you were enjoying!
Both suck for me. Italians are known to be the biggest gatekeepers of their food, but the siracha dude doesn't respect that, and start a fight with his girlfriend's family. That's a red flag. If i dine in italian family's house and the food they're so proud of turns out suck, I'll just eat it silently and curse on the way home. There's no need to start a fight with your gf's family.
Oh, I have had worse experiences with French cuisine, trust me.
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To me a meal is like a gift, once given, you can’t control what happens with it.
Can they both be asshol3s? I mean, needing got sauce on every gd thing you eat is annoying too.
I would say hot sauce guy is a Lesser a**hole, OP a stunning example of the rarer, but more destructive Greater A**hole
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Well, I would say normally a mature person would eat what is put in front of them, be grateful for the effort taken by the host, and not make a big scene about wanting something. But then again, a good host would just let the guest do as he wishes. It’s not really that big of a deal. I will confess that it would drive me a little nuts when my own sister put hot sauce on meals I made I didn’t think went with hot sauce. Yet I will put hot sauce on my own cooking sometimes - even shepherd’s pie.
I'm amused at so many assuming a Italian doesn't know how to uses spices.
"There's nothing as annoying as an American- in this case a Canadian..." People so ready to jump on Americans for something, the word just vomits out of their mouth even when they mean something else. Canadians aren't Americans.
Everyone here sux...the boyfriend for saying somethings missing...dont be a d**k...that's an insult to any cook...just ask for spices politely....op sux more though.. I wouldn't dare put Sriracha on that dish....and I would let him know as much....but then I show him where the hot sauce and spices are and let him at it....cuz that's s good host
Hi, I have an Italian heritage, too. I'd be p1ssed since he said "it's missing something" (super rude)! I'd likely have told him how it made me feel but then plopped whatever bottle the dude wanted beside him. If he can't be nice and eat an authentic meal without a processed cr@p add-on, it speaks more about him than your cooking.
If some one finds my food lacking I offer spices and to cook something else next time. You can most definitly not expect everyone to like your food and I think it's weird to prefer being lied to about it.
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The idea of adding a hot sauce to a carbonara makes me throw up...so, let him have it that way. Let's have a laugh. I say both are a******s. The OP is too controlling, just let him put the sauce and silently judge him XD but the guy...what did he think he was going to prove going to the store to buy the sauce? He is in the family since three months, maybe don't make a scene for a stupid thing like this. Eat the pasta as it is and don't be a baby.
The "chef" is an a*****e, and a very pretentious one at that. The boyfriend could have just asked politely for the hot sauce of his choice and let it go instead of creating a scene. Since the OP refused to give it to his guest, the boyfriend should have just quit eating if it wasn't to his liking. What OP was doing is plain old bullying "YOU WILL LIKE MY FOOD AND EAT IT LIKE I SAY" Not everyone has the same tastes, not everyone likes Italian food or Italian chilis. If the tables were turned would OP eat at boyfriend's table if it weren't to his liking? The demand that he comply to OP's taste was rude and out of line. I hope for his sake the boyfriend leaves the sister and finds someone who will have his back, especially when he wasn't the one who was wrong.
YTA AND a jerk. He was a guest. You couldn't accommodate a simple request? Do you actually think your cooking is 5 star worthy? Well, Mr. Gordon Ramsey wannabe, you were rude.
yeah. YTA. If someone did this with my cooking, sure, I'd be annoyed that they didn't have the palate to enjoy it, and probably think it a bit tacky, BUT, I'd rather they enjoyed it with hot sauce, ketchup, masses of salt, or soy sauce, than that they merely tolerated it without. the only thing that does bother me particularly is if people don't at least taste it before adding seasonings or condiments, unless it's certain dishes, where those seasonings are a standard for most people. eg. fish and chips. full English. roast dinner etc. eg. a full English. my beans and eggs are getting salt. roast dinner, I like a dollop of horseradish on the side, and mint sauce with the potatoes. my fish and chips, I'm adding salt and vinegar. but most other meals, taste before you season.
Silly whines such as this poster made are exactly why I'm so very glad I cook only for myself now. I have to eat a specific way, one that unfortunately eliminates many wonderful foods I used to eat, so now my dishes, while good, just aren't as "exciting" as they used to be. On the extremely rare occasion I do make a hot dish to be shared, I don't care what anyone puts into their own serving of it---I know they have different taste than I have, and it's fine, customize it as you wish---as long as the original dish is left alone. This man needs to lighten up a whole lot, or he's going to find life a lot harder than it needs to be. Food is not the "be all or end all," or shouldn't be, in life.
ETA the bf for being immature and causing a scene and op for not just letting him use hot sauce after the bf said not to the spices, IMO comparing Japanese food with Italian is comparing apples and oranges especially with the ketchup and mayonnaise thing
Some people just like a certain flavor in their foods. I put salt on literally anything I eat. Recently learned it’s because of a medical issue but even before I knew that I’d be pissed if someone tried to tell me I couldn’t salt my own food because of some snobbish reason. Next time op hosts the guy should show up with a bag of fast food (jk, but id like to see ops reaction to that lol)
Sriracha is a vile brew made from goat vomit and zombie runs!
ESH; the sister should break up with the bf, because he's unreasonable to the point of leaving the place during dinner to get his own hot sauce instead of just sucking up and dealing with kind of bland food. That's not normal behavior, is rude, and is kind of concerning. OP should really self reflect on the fact that he was so controlling of what people put on their food that he basically kicked the guy out of his house. Like, dude, I f*****g hate mayonnaise with a burning passion, but I'll still put it on someone's sandwich if they want it.
This guy is so gatekeepy and egotistical that in one of his responses he used the analogy of "its like if at one of your restaurants someone asked specifically for sriracha and wouldnt budge, insisting on leaving to buy some and bring outside food into your restaurant..." Except that the guy HAD sriricha in his place. He said so and just wouldnt let the BF have it. Which is why the BF said he'd go to the store to get his own. How delusional is this guy to conveniently and/or purposefully skew the truth? Also, offering "higher quality ingredients to the same effect" without acknowledging that the different flavor profiles. And as a Japanese-American, I wouldn't care if someone put ketchup on sushi. Although, I do get that OP might've felt a little insulted if someone said their "cuisine" was missing something. But Im leaning towards OP taking it that way rather than the BF literally stating it that way, if at all.
I'm Italian and if I'm being honest, OP ain't the AH here. I'm offended that he (sister's boyfriend) did that and I wasn't even there for that! They gave him options. He chose to make everyone pissed off. HE CHOSE THIS PATH. HE DISRESPECTED MY CULTURE. HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THE PRESENCE OF OP'S FAMILY. THEY MADE HIM A MEAL HE DELIBERATELY DISRESPECTED THEM AND THEIR EFFORTS.
So, how did he disrespect your culture? I understand he disrespected OPs efforts which is on him, but your culture? For all I know he might not even have known where pasta carbonara originates, or tasted it before. If one doesn’t like some food course made by some random Canadian-Italian guy it is not disrespecting a culture, is it? Both of them were a******s because of their behaviour of engaging in a d**k waving contest, but OP was the bigger (AH).
Load More Replies... I guess you're pretentious enough to also charge your customers 10 times more for a meal they just as well could have prepared themselves at home, lol.
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My mom made a authentic Mexican meal from scratch: enchiladas, refried beans, Spanish rice, tostadas, guacamole and salsa. It would take 2-3 days to make this meal so she only made it on special occasions. My brother's friend asked for ketchup before even tasting it because he puts ketchup on everything. My Mom was offended but she went to the fridge and handed him the ketchup. She didn't offer to make homemade ketchup to keep it 'authentic' OP is the AH. Yes the guest was rude to say 'it's missing something' but to refuse to let a guest use OP's hot sauce is even ruder. That's like saying drinking plain water doesn't go with the 'cultural significance' of my meal so I'm refusing you water. Hell yes, I'd go to the store and buy my own water.
YTA. Dude, it's just hot sauce. If someone comes to my home and I cook, say, scrambled eggs. If someone asks if I have ketchup or hot sauce, I get it out for them. I don't have a fit because I feel eggs should be eaten unadulterated. If I grilled steaks, and someone likes A-1 or Worchestershire sauce, I get it out for them. Even if I don't feel that you should put those things on a good steak. That person is a guest at your table. You welcome them, differences and all. You don't get to dictate what particular sauce would be more compatible with your meal. What harm would it do to let him use the hot sauce he likes? Everyone else was eating your meal exactly as you prepared it. What's 1 guy in the scheme of things? Sometimes perfectionists are overrated. Suck it up, buddy. I also think that you owe him an apology.
He was presenting a part of himself and his family. Fusion cuisine is awesome, but sometimes it's great to just experience the thing as it was intended by the creator. Sometimes I customize my food orders, and sometimes I want to eat the flavors that the chef worked hard to craft to blend a certain way. I don't think it's gatekeeping to say that there are times when wanting to customize your food is not appropriate. OP definitely overreacted, but I'm confused that the dominant take is that it's gatekeeping to craft a thing and want it experienced a certain way.
This story made me think of that cautionary restaurant rule that everyone knows about. Do not complain to the chef or send your food back to be altered some way. You'll be sorry if you do.
I think you were both being ahs. Geez, talk about talking masculinity.
Love that OP constantly keeps coming back to the same argument of "I offered higher quality ingredients to spice it up" I'm sorry but I've got 17 bottles of hot sauce in my fridge that if I stopped buying on a weekly basis would be gone in 2 months, each one has a unique spice level and flavour to it, to the point each one has specific uses or dishes, you'd be surprised at how good a blueberry habanero hot sauce is in some stir fry rice, point is chili flakes add a heat, not a flavour, and most hot sauce fanatics are looking for both at the same time, some of my favourites are Jalapeno/Garlic, Blueberry/Habanero, and even Reaper/Black Cherry, tell me your chili oil or flakes can give me those flavours lol
I would let him do whatever he wanted, but I would be sure to put Sriracha on everything I ever served him ever again because you "didn't want it to be missing anything". (Enjoy your truffle risotto, heathen. All the nuance of a baseball bat. Tortellini alfredo alla Vietnam. Green, red & white basil pesto gnocchi- now that's eye-talian!)
This one is just ridiculous who cares if he wants to put hot sauce on his food after it's been served to him? Chefs at restaurants don't get mad if a customer puts salt and pepper on their food on the table that's why they put condiments out in the first place. If this one is real then I say yes OP is a major azzhole for being a lousy host and then expecting everyone to agree with him.
The sister's boyfriend wanted Sriracha only for his serving, not the entire dish and OP takes it as an affront. I understand that OP put some effort and care into making the meal but it may not taste the same to everybody. Unless he, the boyfriend, wanted everybody to try the Sriracha, it should not have been the issue OP let it turn into. Would OP have been as upset if he wanted to add salt or pepper? Hard to say, but OP overreacted as did the boyfriend by leaving to buy Sriracha. I'll call it a tie between the two of them, both TA.
OP was was definitely TA. It's not his responsibility to police others tastes. He was somehow offended the other guy wanted hot sauce, just because HE thinks it's fine. Then he got mad that no one agreed and tried to say he compromised, but he didn't at all.
I don't understand the behavior of either the OP or the sister's boyfriend. BF was rude to say that the dish needed something; he could've just asked for the hot sauce without the extra comment. But the OPs reaction is beyond rude. The arrogance it must take to assume that your cooking is perfect for anyone and everyone is astounding. And the fact that he had the actual sauce his guest requested but refused to give him is just ridiculous. My husband drowns his food in siracha; I can't stand the stuff. But I don't get offended when I make mac-and-cheese and he puts siracha all over it!
This topic is quite the controversy, there are may good points for each side. I am unsure if this had happened but you should always try the meal before adjusting the flavors, so if the sister's bf had already tried it and wanted to change the flavor so it'd fit his preferred palate I understand that. Though if that hadn't happened and the bf wanted to add the spice before trying the meal I understand the main dude's reaction.
I LOL'd at him going out to the store, because we've been in a Sriracha (rooster!) drought for almost a year now! Wonder how many stores he had to try before he found any. Also, what's being ignored is how addictive Sriracha is, and I think the young man was jonesing for a fix ....
OP definitely the a*****e, never met an Italian like that let alone a rational person. And he can kiss my Italian a*s too
If I'd put effort into cooking some pasta and some douche boyfriend in-law showed up and asked to put siracha on it, that would be the last time he was invited to my house - that's staggeringly rude, to me. However, if he wanted to ruin the dish that way, I wouldn't stop him. So both AHs here as I see it. OP's clearly a bit of a snob around his Italian heritage, but babe, you're Canadian.
Hopefully the boyfriend breaks up with the sister soon, the boyfriend is beyond unreasonable, and was just ego-boosting his mintier pasta by claiming Italian heritage. Americans (and be extension Canadians) are by are by far the most easily offended people on this planet, add on top of that the snobbery and superiority ideal that Italians hold and you get some of the most insufferable a******s to exist, not only is he a a*****e for his actions torwards the boyfriend, he's also a a*****e because of how highly he holds himself.
I dont know. I think ESH. OP for policing how someone likes their food, and the boyfriend for, 1. Saying his meal is "missing something", and leaving to go get hot sauce. Seriosuly? I was raised so that, in a guests home, you eat the food you're made, smile, and say it was delicious. Even if its not what you like. Its called being polite. Especially in a brand new relationship. I would never dream of walking into my brand new girlfriends familys house, sitting down for a home cooked meal, and insulting the dish.
Ugh, food and preferences is hard issue. The dude, should have dined given the ingredients provided. You don't mix your preference with the cultural taste. You eat what your host has provided. You enjoy (or not) your host's meal. Truly rude to even go out and get hot sauce. Now, I grew up in Japan. If some a*****e wanted to slather sriracha on my sushi I made, the man would be out of my house in seconds.
OMG! I absolutely understand where this guy is coming from. I stopped cooking for my boyfriend (now husband) because he always had to bastardize what I made. For example, he couldn't just enjoy fresh basil pesto, he had to make it his own thing by adding some nasty jarred pasta sauce to it. It feels really rude. Like, can't you eat an occasional meal, that may not be your favorite, to show respect and appreciation for the person who prepared it?!
ESH. My mom had a bf that put bbq sauce on everything. My thought was 'at least taste it before altering it!'. When I cook that's all I ask. Taste it first. Then put whatever you want on it. The bf in the story was a jerk for actually returning with the damn hot sauce.
Honestly who gives AF?! Sounds like a personal issue between them, why is this even here? I thought maybe Bored panda is pretty content desperate but then I see how many have passionate feelings on this. Run people put down your phones and run. Get out in the world and have your own ridiculous arguments... Only please don't tell the world about them, because if you have to ask, you probably are the A Hole.
I love to cook and make legit dishes when people come to visit too. If someone wants something that'll ruin the dish then let them.
As a white American of Italian heritage, let me say that gatekeeping Italian food is some of the whitest s**t I've ever seen.
The boyfriend is young. He knows nothing and apparently raised without manners. So, we can cut him a bit of a break. However, he was incredibly rude to ask for hot sauce.
Putting to one side that he wanted to put it in a carbonara (and assuming it actually was carbonara)... It depends whether he just wanted to put it on his serving. If it was his portion only, let it go. If he wanted to season the whole dish, then pushing back was the right thing to do.
Chili Oil does not even come close to Siracha in terms of flavour. This guy is a massive egoistic/narcissistic a*****e what the hell does it matter to him if someone wants to add more flavour to their food once its cooked? e_e And just to rub salt in OPs wounds, Italian Food may be alright, but it is massively overrated and Asian food (Indian, Chinese, Korean, Thai, Japanese, Vietnamese..) is infinitely better. (or Romanian food, which is <3 )
I think he's NTA the bf is TA for being a jerk about the whole situation. If someone came in and told me my cooking was "missing something" and then leaves to go buy the thing they want to add...Nope. I'm with OP on this one. If it were about the missing heat, the bf would have accepted the options the host offered. This was a power play by the bf. Saying he knows better about the flavor.
If someone invited me over for a home cooked meal I certainly would not sit there hymning and hawing about how bland the food is and then ask for something to "spice it up". My Momma didn't raise some rude boy, but do go ahead and blame the cook and say he's the a*****e. LOL! Ya'll are messed up.
I'm going against the grain here and saying NTA. It's not a matter of salt and pepper, he's trying to show off his ability to handle spicy food. They aren't catering, they're having dinner with family. I'd be pissed if someone ruined my carefully crafted food. I'd let them do it, but I'd be a d**k about it.
Why be a d**k about it? That makes the dinner less pleasant for all the other guests. I lean more towards "why should I be mad that they're stupid? They're the ones who should be mad about that."
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This is a cultural thing. In my culture it would have been extremely rude to say aloud "the food is missing something". You're getting free food, that someones took the time to make for you, in someones else's house. He could have neutrally asked for the hot sauce, but again that indicates it was under-seasoned and is rude to the cook. In my culture you don't season the food before tasting it, and asking for condiments or seasoning that isn't already on the table is incredibly tactless. Here if you need some Spice you might make an excuse like "I'm so sorry, I've just had a cold and my senses are a little dull, is it possible to get something a bit spicy to add? In Italy this would probably have been seen as absolutely horrendous by some people, mixing cuisines like that and destroying their cultural heritage. That's maybe why the Sister sides with OP. What make it worse is the BF was basically rude to the whole family at the start of the relationship...
Just to add: but he did indeed taste it and then wanted extra sauce.
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There's no she in the equation, except the sister/girlfriend.
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I'd like to see you eat all your meals without any condiments or spices from now on, okay? Because you should be respectful and eat each meal without ANY condiments, toppings, or spices that aren't "TRADITIONAL", right? And even more hilariously, you quote an Arabic proverb in another comment on another post: "Eat what you like and wear what people like". You literally quoted a proverb that says "Eat what you like"... except here, you're saying people CANNOT "eat what they like" and they need to eat it the way they are served, no matter whether they like it or not. You can't have it both ways - which one is it, now?
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Love the question aita and everybody says yes yta and then argue with everyone in the comment section. If you cant handle the answer don't post the question.
You should let him put whatever he wants on his food for the simple reason that it's going in his mouth and not yours 🤷♀️
Right? Based on the title I thought the boyfriend wanted to put it in the food for everyone (that would be way different)
Load More Replies... Chili oil is not Siracha. He tried the food and wanted to add sth that would improve it to him. Taste is personal and food always changes with time. I mean come on... italians use tomatoes which are rather new to their country if you take a look at the last thousand years. Let people eat what they want.
Not only tomatoes (which originate from the Andes, like potatoes), but pasta as well. The oldest evidence of pasta comes from China; 1,700-1,100 BCE. The OP sounds pretentious AF and insufferable. Food is constantly changing and evolving.
Load More Replies... What is the point of asking “AITA” and then arguing with everyone who says yes? He basically just wanted everyone to validate his actions.
Yep! My exact thought. The pretentious d-bag expected everyone to validate him. Sounds like somebody who's never been told no.
Load More Replies... YTA. Nobody stands between me and my sriracha. Chili oil isn't even an appropriate substitute for a hot sauce - you want your food spicier, not greasier.
That's what I was thinking. I'm Italian and I make my own hot oil and hot sauces from the hot peppers we grow, but they do have different uses. I agree it adds heat, but also makes things greasier like you said.
Load More Replies... He's the a$$hole but expected everyone to be on his side. Refuses to even consider the possibility that he's wrong. He wanted to add something to his plate. Not everyone else's. My wife's family is legit Italian, my father in law immigrated to the states at 16 years old and makes phenomenal food. He's also a kind enough person to acknowledge that not everyone likes the same things or flavors their food the same way. Why in the world it meant so much to OP that the food be eaten the way he preferred rather than the way the person eating it preferred makes no sense. Get over yourself.
Lol. OPs a f*****g tool. Fair enough the guy could have just asked for the hot sauce without suggesting it's "missing something" (if he did in fact even say that). But OP has an overinflated ego and needs a good verbal slap. I'm of Scottish ancestry but I don't force people to eat haggis. And if I did cook it and someone asked for some whatever sauce I'd be like, have at it. And that comment about mayo on vindaloo... Guilty lol.
Wow, thank you for helping me overcome some of my biases regarding Scotts. I thought your guests had to finish an entire plate of haggis before you finish playing the bagpipes, or else you caber toss them to the moors.
Load More Replies... I'd said ESH until he started the replies. He's an AH that makes 'food culture ' into an affair that's much bigger than it is while most likely never having eaten the truly authentic thing in Italy himself. You can't cook a truly authentic meal out of the country for one simple reason: you can't get the fresh ingredients! As someone who travelled in her youth, it's not just how you cook the dish and which ingredients you use, the ingredients itself taste vastly different depending where they've been grown. Even meat tastes vastly different depending on the breed of the cattle, what it was fed and the climate it was raised in as well as the way it was butchered. And don't even get me started on fruit, flour and eggs. So this whole 'food culture' shebang is nothing but pretentious nonsense. Let people eat their food as they want it. And the way he replied insisting on his way or the highway tells me he might have driven that guy to the extreme measures he has taken to fight this idiot.
Yup - agreed! OP is TA. Even more so with how defensive he got with replies he disagreed with.
Load More Replies... Both, but OP is twice as much of an arsehole. Unless it's inedible, I wouldn't ask for any other condiments apart from what's on the table, someone else is providing food and cooking for free so just eat it, it's just one meal, I think it's rude to say it's "lacking something". On the other hand, if they want sriracha, chilli, curry powder, miso or strawberry jam with their food, in their own plate, that's their call! You really won't awake an ancient Roman god to curse your family for 20 generations if you mix cuisines!
This honestly just sounds like they are in competition, the brother and boyfriend, though means of cooking. I don't think it has anything to do with hotsauce or Italian cuisine at all.
I understand the culinary experience thing. Like this is traditional Japanese or Italian or French cooking and would you like to experience it the way it is intended? And it's totally ok if the answer is "no, thanks" and they want to drown your cultural cooking in Buffalo Bob's Buffalo BBQ Bastàrd Brewed Hot Sauce. As long as it's for their personal use, who cares if they don't want the experience you intended?
Was the boyfriend an unappreciative douche? Yes. But you're still the A hole. Once you put food on a plate and put it in front of someone it's no longer your food, it's their food. Really the only solution is to just not invite a guy like that over to dinner anymore.
The guy asked if he was TA and then argued with everyone about it. Gross. What an a**e. Plus- what was the other guy to do?? He was being forced to eat something he didn’t want to eat. I’d leave too.
If i was that said sister’s boyfriend and someone forbade me from putting hot sauce on my food (i hate bland food), i’d use the opportunity to go for a walk too if i’m honest, just to prevent myself from kicking off
"Bland" how do you know it was bland? Some of the best flavours are very subtle, and overloading our palates with flavours like sriracha all the time means we struggle to taste more subtle flavours. (I had sririacha on my dinner just yesterday, so I'm not prejudiced against it) I'd be hugely disappointed if someone felt they needed sriracha on my food. I would try to persude the BF to try to appreciate the food. But I;d have stopped short of causing the rift that this developed into.
Load More Replies... YTA and a tad crazy. Now he's going to come around with secret hot sauce to every family dinner.
I think they're all a******s and deserve each other. So many issues on all sides. I have a meal prep business and cook for friends and coworkers often. Idc what they add to their food. I mix cuisines all the time myself...they're called mashups and how do you think new genres are created? I have no less than 7 hot sauces by my stove and, yes, I add Louisiana Hot Sauce or Sriracha to every pasta dish I eat because it just tastes better. I say they're ALL a******s and deserve each other.
I don’t get it, did he want him to enjoy the meal or not? He’d actually rather him force down a meal he doesn’t like and have a bad experience associated with eating it rather than letting him put hot sauce on it and have a pleasant memory to look back on.
When people travel overseas to other countries to get an experience of the food and that culture you eat it as they serve it point blank period. Now if you don't like it then don't eat it but nobody is forcing anybody to eat anything. He could have tried the other options with the chili oil or pepper flakes but he chose not to. So basically he feels entitled to wherever he's at and any environment he can just decide to change up the dishes as serve by the people that's cooking it. So what if chef didn't have Sriracha sauce already in his refrigerator. That means boyfriend still would have been a douche and left the house to go by his own sriracha's sauce. The chef offered alternatives so there is no way he can be an AH. Look at extremes this boyfriend went to. If that ain't crazy I don't know what is. My thoughts from reading other comments would be if there should be no rules put on food then should people be under pressure to respect other people home customs as guest?
Load More Replies... If I were a boyfriend of three months, I would have politely asked for hot sauce, accepted what was offered to me, and if the food was still "missing something" (which is rude to say out loud), eat what you can and complain on the ride home. Missing dinner to buy your own hot sauce for the appetizers is a weird power play. He's a bad guest. The OP is also a bad host. Someone wants Sirracha after you offer chilli flakes--provide it. It's not like he wanted to season everyone's food. This sounds more like some kind of territorial contest.
I would dump.your sister right now, yta and so is she. If I want to add Ketchup, salt or whatever to the food I put in my mouth then that is my right. You may have made the food but only abused children have the opinions you do..mommy and daddy must have beat that into you. As there is nothing wrong with wanting to add. I used to here that s**t from my abusive father, he would go on and on because I wanted to add something as a kid. Yta screw you.
Honestly this is just a bizarre control freak s**t show scene. Why someone would care what someone else add’s to their own food is beyond me. If he doesn’t want to eat it as is then that’s his loss. All you can do is put in the effort and appreciate the people that appreciate it and let the ones who don’t miss out. You can’t force someone to appreciate art just cause you dragged them to a museum. 🤷🏼♀️
So the OP is a 35-year old married man and reacts like this?! Somehow I foresee a VERY interesting family life if his wife and future kids don't take completely after him and his opinions. Loads of childish pettiness, much wow, the immaturity is strong with this one.
I honestly hope OP doesn't procreate. I'm 100% certain their kids will grow up in a suffocating home environment and will grow to resent them until they can flee their home the second they turn 18 years old. :/
Load More Replies... After reading a header I thought the person wanted to use hot sause in the common bowl, like for everyone. But this is such a different situation. It's not cool of a sister to support her brother and not boyfriend who is right in this situation. Treasuring your family and culture is wonderful but being an adequate person and not bullying others should be more important
The brother is a bully and 12 years older than her. She's likely afraid of him.
Load More Replies... What an AH!!! He thinks his food is wonderful….maybe it is, but his Guest wanted more spice. Who cares!!!! Good Lord is this man’s identity tied up in his “cultural “ food ?? Grow up and get a life. The childish overreaction by the 22 yr old was bad enough but geez, this man is 35!!! Just hand him the bottle. Apparently the guest tried the food and thought it needed something. I like more salt than a lot if people, I guess I would have offended him too if I asked for the salt shaker!
On the topic of not mixing cuisines: if you want to cook really (and I mean really) authentic Italian cuisine you might want to avoid all of this last millenia tomato nonsense and try some ancient roman recipes. Unfortunately quite a lot of them use garum which was a Roman sauce that is no longer available. You are in luck however since it can be replaced with a modern day closest approximation - fish sauce. Asian fish sauce. So, in order to cook authentic Italian cuisine (tm) you need Asian cuisine. Sarcasm and hyperbole obviously but all technically true)))
If you have worked all day on a meal, with precious ingredients and tradition, someone slapping a spoon full of hot sauce (or mustard or ketchup) on it .... is... in the end... a disrespecful act. A pinch of salt is adding to the dish so it agrees better with your personal palate. A condiment like the one described completely changes and overpowers the original dish and turns it into something else. There is a diffenernce. But I would not ever let my guest leave on account of it. I would bring him a second plate so he can try the original dish aswel as and with his "inappropriate condimental additions". Also sarcastically teasing the guest a bit with his "blatant act of barbarism" would be a in its place. Turn it into a funny event that can be a running gag between friends for years to come.
Did you miss where the bf tried the food? He knows what the base dish tastes like and he wanted more.
Load More Replies... I was living with a woman several years ago. I spent a whole day preparing a Thanksgiving feast with turkey and all the fixings. Her mother was coming for dinner and I was meeting her for the first time. I right away noticed that she was a very strange and negative person. I did my best to keep quiet and not get into any conflicts with her. When we finally sat down for dinner she loaded up her plate with everything and kept complimenting me on how everything looked and smelled. Just as we were about to dig in, she got up and went to the fridge and pulled out a large jar of dill pickles. She took the lid off and poured about 4-6 ounces of juice all over her meal. So much that all her food was floating. I was totally grossed out and insulted. BUT...l didn't say anything. I just never invited her for dinner again.
Watched an episode of "Your Honor" wherein one character was asked what he had for breakfast, and he replied "pickle juice" so, y'know, I guess? it may be a food group? :shrug:
Load More Replies... Both guys are out of line. is this a toxic alpha male competition, or a family dinner?
OP considers stuffing down their prestigious cuisine down other people's throat a good substitute for pissing on them and marking their territory, it seems, lol.
Load More Replies... Both are being pedantic. You don't cook a family meal for praise. Its for people to enjoy, whatever that looks like. You shouldn't disrespect the effort someone has put into cooking, if its a family gathering. They could so easily just have made fun of each other, and moved on.
I keep ground up Carolina Reaper in a key ring i have.. maybe bf should do that too, as the host seems like a policing jerk. Its JUST carbonara... Its not a wagyu steak that he ask d you to prepare well done.. 😅 get over yourself
My husband puts his favorite orange-pepper spice on EVERYTHING! It used to drive me insane when I had carefully created a flavour profile for a dish and he just chucked it on without even tasting it first. I've learned to deal with it - I still ask him to at least try it first to make sure orange pepper would work with the dish (sometimes it really doesn't, in my opinion). But most of the time he adds it anyway. Hey, as long as he's not forcing me to eat it, it's not my problem!
Most food is a mixture of different cuisines. Most of the really good stuff in the world is a mixture of different people's stuff coming together.
ESH, but the boyfriend started it. Here's how to do it politely: "Can I have something to spice this up?" "Sure, here's some chili oil and flakes." "Thank you." If your guest insists on adding Siracha... let him, then he's the rude one. If your host's food is bland, ask as above, but take a no and don't eat much. Argh.
Seriously. No you want to tell someone how to eat you are the a*****e. Not up for debate. To tell someone that you can use this or this, but no a third option cause YOU dont think it goes together, then you need massive help.
Load More Replies... Just going to throw this out there. That sticker mule hot sauce they show at the top is banging!
ESH. The boyfriend was rude to vocalize how he wants to change the food, but even so, OP should have let him have his hot sauce regardless.
The brother is placing a higher priority on the food than the gathering of family. Performative acts of being "authentically Italian" in front of grandma are clearly more important to him than welcoming the boyfriend into the family and helping him feel welcome. Absolutely pathetic given that he's 10 years older yet acting with the maturity of an overly competitive 16-year-old. You can even see in his responses to comments that he's incapable of seeing past his own ego.
I doubt he said "something is missing" I bet you he just asked for hot sauce & dude flipped out. This guy added that detail to try to justify his behavior. But it still doesn't matter.
Yes ur the A hole.. I love hot sauce and use many different kinds including Italian hot sauce. I would just get up and leave if u didnt let me put it on my food. It enhances the flavor. I dont tell others what they can eat.
OP sounds insufferable. And don't ask questions whose answer you can't accept.
ESH. Boyfriend was rude when he said that something was missing, and he was *really* rude leaving to get sriracha. But you’re TA for policing his food. His hot sauce doesn’t affect you. And I see nothing wrong with mixing cuisines (fusion food! It’s delicious!), sriracha on Italian food isn’t traditional, but if he likes it, who cares?
That's almost the dumbest thing I've ever heard. The entire idea of cooking and serving a meal in this manner is to spend time with friends/family and the sharing of food is supposed to be a gesture of love. You don't just invite people to dinner to show off your cooking skills, but also bc you want them to enjoy themselves. The meal is a gift. You don't give someone a gift with the expectation that they will only use it exactly how you believe they should. You give it to them in the hopes that they will enjoy it. Period. If they chose to put hot sauce on their gift, that's not your business nor is it your place to tell them they can't do that. The "condiment police" is not a thing and you haven't been called to uphold the sanctity of carbonara and the cultural accuracy of its consumption. It's managed to survive this long without your intervention. Besides, fusion restaurants are popular for a reason... sometimes mixing things that aren't traditionally eaten together can be delicious.
Say what you want, but if I don't like your food I just wouldn't come around, lol. I grew up on a lot of bland food I didn't like and guess what, ever since I started living on my own that s**t just doesn't pass anymore in my home.
Load More Replies... Not only is this guy an AH, he also sounds incredibly immature and petty. The guy isn't trying to put hot sauce on YOUR plate so why the hell does it even matter? Huge ego.
This I don't consider rude. He was adding stuff to his own plate. Saying it's missing something isn't rude either? It's personal preference? I'm told that sometimes with my dishes and I just shrug it off because it is personal preference. He didn't say "this sucks and I'm not eating it," he was just voicing his own want. And as for food "sacrilege," you can try arguing that us mixing meats, spices, liquids, and other things together is sacrilege from what we did when we first started cooking anything. The whole thing about melding of cultures and everyone coming together is to mix food tastes. Not to the whole pot, but let people do what they want to it. This guy took this way too personally.
Wow. I came into this thinking by the title that the boyfriend was going to try to put it in the main dish so everyone had to have it with hot sauce. He just wanted it on his own? What's the problem? People should be able to eat what they want how they want. You're the a*****e.
I feel the sister's bf, honestly. If someone was so insistent on their ways that they'd seriously prefer I go buy my own hot sauce than god forbid put some on the dish I'm going to eat I'd go buy my own too. At this point he probably wasn't even thinking about politeness anymore, he must just have been hella angry. Also, if your familiarity with your own culture is so weak that you have to adhere to tradition to that point, you are no different from a cliché valley girl saying she's 5% italian. Culture permeates through your way of living. You do not need effort, and you certainly don't need others to make efforts for you to "feel" italian.
On top of that, the worth of "high quality ingredidents" as a replacement for "over-processed industrial stuff" is a matter of taste. Truffe may be expensive af, but I've eaten (was forced to "try" several times) enough truffe in my life to know I'd prefer industrial lay's chips over it as an aperitif.
Load More Replies... Sriracha and Italian food are a beautiful pairing. It pairs with red based sauces, white cream based sauces. It is quite a lovely flavor combo. The cook may want to try it sometime to broaden their horizons. A black and white world is so rigid and boring.
OP talked about his dishes as if they were rare, unique recipes that his great great great great grandma smuggled out of war torn Italy in the lining of her dress. Carbonara and bruschetta are "unfamiliar...cuisine"? If I can get it from any diner in rural Oklahoma with an Italian section on their menu it is not unfamiliar.
Guy is a piece of work, I would skip those dinners entirely. Any time I host people, I give them whatever makes them happy, feel welcome and cared for. If they want to put Tabasco on my lemon cake, go for it if that what makes you happy. Not for me to judge. Yes I put a lot of time and effort into the food, but it's the company of the people I invited to dine with is far more valuable than a dish where someone wants to add some hot sauce. Time with ones family and friends is the real reason to get together, food is secondary. At least that's how I see it.
If I were the boyfriend I just would stay home and host D&D sessions on those evenings and order take-out pizza, lol! Live and let live.
Load More Replies... Gimme a freakin' break. I do most of our cooking - I'm no chef, but I'm not terrible either. Boy-child has been a bit of a picky eater in his past, but is branching out and trying lots of new things - some he likes, some are, in his words, "not his favourite". Some, he's happier if there's a splash of ketchup or Sriracha on the side (we've got copious amounts of both on hand). I'm not going to judge him - or refuse him - either way... hell, I'm just happy he's trying new things! I remember back to the days when every meal was chicken nuggets with a side of goldfish crackers. So, back to the original topic, if somebody wants to add something to anything I made, more power to them. I made it to the recipe, or to my taste - but I'm not going to begrudge them adding whatever they want to make to to their own tastes... whether that's salt, pepper, ketchup... or sriracha. OP isn't a Michelin chef, they can get off their high horse at any time. Rant over, back to whatever you were enjoying!
Both suck for me. Italians are known to be the biggest gatekeepers of their food, but the siracha dude doesn't respect that, and start a fight with his girlfriend's family. That's a red flag. If i dine in italian family's house and the food they're so proud of turns out suck, I'll just eat it silently and curse on the way home. There's no need to start a fight with your gf's family.
Oh, I have had worse experiences with French cuisine, trust me.
Load More Replies... To me a meal is like a gift, once given, you can’t control what happens with it.
Can they both be asshol3s? I mean, needing got sauce on every gd thing you eat is annoying too.
I would say hot sauce guy is a Lesser a**hole, OP a stunning example of the rarer, but more destructive Greater A**hole
Load More Replies... Well, I would say normally a mature person would eat what is put in front of them, be grateful for the effort taken by the host, and not make a big scene about wanting something. But then again, a good host would just let the guest do as he wishes. It’s not really that big of a deal. I will confess that it would drive me a little nuts when my own sister put hot sauce on meals I made I didn’t think went with hot sauce. Yet I will put hot sauce on my own cooking sometimes - even shepherd’s pie.
I'm amused at so many assuming a Italian doesn't know how to uses spices.
"There's nothing as annoying as an American- in this case a Canadian..." People so ready to jump on Americans for something, the word just vomits out of their mouth even when they mean something else. Canadians aren't Americans.
Everyone here sux...the boyfriend for saying somethings missing...dont be a d**k...that's an insult to any cook...just ask for spices politely....op sux more though.. I wouldn't dare put Sriracha on that dish....and I would let him know as much....but then I show him where the hot sauce and spices are and let him at it....cuz that's s good host
Hi, I have an Italian heritage, too. I'd be p1ssed since he said "it's missing something" (super rude)! I'd likely have told him how it made me feel but then plopped whatever bottle the dude wanted beside him. If he can't be nice and eat an authentic meal without a processed cr@p add-on, it speaks more about him than your cooking.
If some one finds my food lacking I offer spices and to cook something else next time. You can most definitly not expect everyone to like your food and I think it's weird to prefer being lied to about it.
Load More Replies... The idea of adding a hot sauce to a carbonara makes me throw up...so, let him have it that way. Let's have a laugh. I say both are a******s. The OP is too controlling, just let him put the sauce and silently judge him XD but the guy...what did he think he was going to prove going to the store to buy the sauce? He is in the family since three months, maybe don't make a scene for a stupid thing like this. Eat the pasta as it is and don't be a baby.
The "chef" is an a*****e, and a very pretentious one at that. The boyfriend could have just asked politely for the hot sauce of his choice and let it go instead of creating a scene. Since the OP refused to give it to his guest, the boyfriend should have just quit eating if it wasn't to his liking. What OP was doing is plain old bullying "YOU WILL LIKE MY FOOD AND EAT IT LIKE I SAY" Not everyone has the same tastes, not everyone likes Italian food or Italian chilis. If the tables were turned would OP eat at boyfriend's table if it weren't to his liking? The demand that he comply to OP's taste was rude and out of line. I hope for his sake the boyfriend leaves the sister and finds someone who will have his back, especially when he wasn't the one who was wrong.
YTA AND a jerk. He was a guest. You couldn't accommodate a simple request? Do you actually think your cooking is 5 star worthy? Well, Mr. Gordon Ramsey wannabe, you were rude.
yeah. YTA. If someone did this with my cooking, sure, I'd be annoyed that they didn't have the palate to enjoy it, and probably think it a bit tacky, BUT, I'd rather they enjoyed it with hot sauce, ketchup, masses of salt, or soy sauce, than that they merely tolerated it without. the only thing that does bother me particularly is if people don't at least taste it before adding seasonings or condiments, unless it's certain dishes, where those seasonings are a standard for most people. eg. fish and chips. full English. roast dinner etc. eg. a full English. my beans and eggs are getting salt. roast dinner, I like a dollop of horseradish on the side, and mint sauce with the potatoes. my fish and chips, I'm adding salt and vinegar. but most other meals, taste before you season.
Silly whines such as this poster made are exactly why I'm so very glad I cook only for myself now. I have to eat a specific way, one that unfortunately eliminates many wonderful foods I used to eat, so now my dishes, while good, just aren't as "exciting" as they used to be. On the extremely rare occasion I do make a hot dish to be shared, I don't care what anyone puts into their own serving of it---I know they have different taste than I have, and it's fine, customize it as you wish---as long as the original dish is left alone. This man needs to lighten up a whole lot, or he's going to find life a lot harder than it needs to be. Food is not the "be all or end all," or shouldn't be, in life.
ETA the bf for being immature and causing a scene and op for not just letting him use hot sauce after the bf said not to the spices, IMO comparing Japanese food with Italian is comparing apples and oranges especially with the ketchup and mayonnaise thing
Some people just like a certain flavor in their foods. I put salt on literally anything I eat. Recently learned it’s because of a medical issue but even before I knew that I’d be pissed if someone tried to tell me I couldn’t salt my own food because of some snobbish reason. Next time op hosts the guy should show up with a bag of fast food (jk, but id like to see ops reaction to that lol)
Sriracha is a vile brew made from goat vomit and zombie runs!
ESH; the sister should break up with the bf, because he's unreasonable to the point of leaving the place during dinner to get his own hot sauce instead of just sucking up and dealing with kind of bland food. That's not normal behavior, is rude, and is kind of concerning. OP should really self reflect on the fact that he was so controlling of what people put on their food that he basically kicked the guy out of his house. Like, dude, I f*****g hate mayonnaise with a burning passion, but I'll still put it on someone's sandwich if they want it.
This guy is so gatekeepy and egotistical that in one of his responses he used the analogy of "its like if at one of your restaurants someone asked specifically for sriracha and wouldnt budge, insisting on leaving to buy some and bring outside food into your restaurant..." Except that the guy HAD sriricha in his place. He said so and just wouldnt let the BF have it. Which is why the BF said he'd go to the store to get his own. How delusional is this guy to conveniently and/or purposefully skew the truth? Also, offering "higher quality ingredients to the same effect" without acknowledging that the different flavor profiles. And as a Japanese-American, I wouldn't care if someone put ketchup on sushi. Although, I do get that OP might've felt a little insulted if someone said their "cuisine" was missing something. But Im leaning towards OP taking it that way rather than the BF literally stating it that way, if at all.
I'm Italian and if I'm being honest, OP ain't the AH here. I'm offended that he (sister's boyfriend) did that and I wasn't even there for that! They gave him options. He chose to make everyone pissed off. HE CHOSE THIS PATH. HE DISRESPECTED MY CULTURE. HE DOES NOT DESERVE TO BE IN THE PRESENCE OF OP'S FAMILY. THEY MADE HIM A MEAL HE DELIBERATELY DISRESPECTED THEM AND THEIR EFFORTS.
So, how did he disrespect your culture? I understand he disrespected OPs efforts which is on him, but your culture? For all I know he might not even have known where pasta carbonara originates, or tasted it before. If one doesn’t like some food course made by some random Canadian-Italian guy it is not disrespecting a culture, is it? Both of them were a******s because of their behaviour of engaging in a d**k waving contest, but OP was the bigger (AH).
Load More Replies... I guess you're pretentious enough to also charge your customers 10 times more for a meal they just as well could have prepared themselves at home, lol.
Load More Replies... My mom made a authentic Mexican meal from scratch: enchiladas, refried beans, Spanish rice, tostadas, guacamole and salsa. It would take 2-3 days to make this meal so she only made it on special occasions. My brother's friend asked for ketchup before even tasting it because he puts ketchup on everything. My Mom was offended but she went to the fridge and handed him the ketchup. She didn't offer to make homemade ketchup to keep it 'authentic' OP is the AH. Yes the guest was rude to say 'it's missing something' but to refuse to let a guest use OP's hot sauce is even ruder. That's like saying drinking plain water doesn't go with the 'cultural significance' of my meal so I'm refusing you water. Hell yes, I'd go to the store and buy my own water.
YTA. Dude, it's just hot sauce. If someone comes to my home and I cook, say, scrambled eggs. If someone asks if I have ketchup or hot sauce, I get it out for them. I don't have a fit because I feel eggs should be eaten unadulterated. If I grilled steaks, and someone likes A-1 or Worchestershire sauce, I get it out for them. Even if I don't feel that you should put those things on a good steak. That person is a guest at your table. You welcome them, differences and all. You don't get to dictate what particular sauce would be more compatible with your meal. What harm would it do to let him use the hot sauce he likes? Everyone else was eating your meal exactly as you prepared it. What's 1 guy in the scheme of things? Sometimes perfectionists are overrated. Suck it up, buddy. I also think that you owe him an apology.
He was presenting a part of himself and his family. Fusion cuisine is awesome, but sometimes it's great to just experience the thing as it was intended by the creator. Sometimes I customize my food orders, and sometimes I want to eat the flavors that the chef worked hard to craft to blend a certain way. I don't think it's gatekeeping to say that there are times when wanting to customize your food is not appropriate. OP definitely overreacted, but I'm confused that the dominant take is that it's gatekeeping to craft a thing and want it experienced a certain way.
This story made me think of that cautionary restaurant rule that everyone knows about. Do not complain to the chef or send your food back to be altered some way. You'll be sorry if you do.
I think you were both being ahs. Geez, talk about talking masculinity.
Love that OP constantly keeps coming back to the same argument of "I offered higher quality ingredients to spice it up" I'm sorry but I've got 17 bottles of hot sauce in my fridge that if I stopped buying on a weekly basis would be gone in 2 months, each one has a unique spice level and flavour to it, to the point each one has specific uses or dishes, you'd be surprised at how good a blueberry habanero hot sauce is in some stir fry rice, point is chili flakes add a heat, not a flavour, and most hot sauce fanatics are looking for both at the same time, some of my favourites are Jalapeno/Garlic, Blueberry/Habanero, and even Reaper/Black Cherry, tell me your chili oil or flakes can give me those flavours lol
I would let him do whatever he wanted, but I would be sure to put Sriracha on everything I ever served him ever again because you "didn't want it to be missing anything". (Enjoy your truffle risotto, heathen. All the nuance of a baseball bat. Tortellini alfredo alla Vietnam. Green, red & white basil pesto gnocchi- now that's eye-talian!)
This one is just ridiculous who cares if he wants to put hot sauce on his food after it's been served to him? Chefs at restaurants don't get mad if a customer puts salt and pepper on their food on the table that's why they put condiments out in the first place. If this one is real then I say yes OP is a major azzhole for being a lousy host and then expecting everyone to agree with him.
The sister's boyfriend wanted Sriracha only for his serving, not the entire dish and OP takes it as an affront. I understand that OP put some effort and care into making the meal but it may not taste the same to everybody. Unless he, the boyfriend, wanted everybody to try the Sriracha, it should not have been the issue OP let it turn into. Would OP have been as upset if he wanted to add salt or pepper? Hard to say, but OP overreacted as did the boyfriend by leaving to buy Sriracha. I'll call it a tie between the two of them, both TA.
OP was was definitely TA. It's not his responsibility to police others tastes. He was somehow offended the other guy wanted hot sauce, just because HE thinks it's fine. Then he got mad that no one agreed and tried to say he compromised, but he didn't at all.
I don't understand the behavior of either the OP or the sister's boyfriend. BF was rude to say that the dish needed something; he could've just asked for the hot sauce without the extra comment. But the OPs reaction is beyond rude. The arrogance it must take to assume that your cooking is perfect for anyone and everyone is astounding. And the fact that he had the actual sauce his guest requested but refused to give him is just ridiculous. My husband drowns his food in siracha; I can't stand the stuff. But I don't get offended when I make mac-and-cheese and he puts siracha all over it!
This topic is quite the controversy, there are may good points for each side. I am unsure if this had happened but you should always try the meal before adjusting the flavors, so if the sister's bf had already tried it and wanted to change the flavor so it'd fit his preferred palate I understand that. Though if that hadn't happened and the bf wanted to add the spice before trying the meal I understand the main dude's reaction.
I LOL'd at him going out to the store, because we've been in a Sriracha (rooster!) drought for almost a year now! Wonder how many stores he had to try before he found any. Also, what's being ignored is how addictive Sriracha is, and I think the young man was jonesing for a fix ....
OP definitely the a*****e, never met an Italian like that let alone a rational person. And he can kiss my Italian a*s too
If I'd put effort into cooking some pasta and some douche boyfriend in-law showed up and asked to put siracha on it, that would be the last time he was invited to my house - that's staggeringly rude, to me. However, if he wanted to ruin the dish that way, I wouldn't stop him. So both AHs here as I see it. OP's clearly a bit of a snob around his Italian heritage, but babe, you're Canadian.
Hopefully the boyfriend breaks up with the sister soon, the boyfriend is beyond unreasonable, and was just ego-boosting his mintier pasta by claiming Italian heritage. Americans (and be extension Canadians) are by are by far the most easily offended people on this planet, add on top of that the snobbery and superiority ideal that Italians hold and you get some of the most insufferable a******s to exist, not only is he a a*****e for his actions torwards the boyfriend, he's also a a*****e because of how highly he holds himself.
I dont know. I think ESH. OP for policing how someone likes their food, and the boyfriend for, 1. Saying his meal is "missing something", and leaving to go get hot sauce. Seriosuly? I was raised so that, in a guests home, you eat the food you're made, smile, and say it was delicious. Even if its not what you like. Its called being polite. Especially in a brand new relationship. I would never dream of walking into my brand new girlfriends familys house, sitting down for a home cooked meal, and insulting the dish.
Ugh, food and preferences is hard issue. The dude, should have dined given the ingredients provided. You don't mix your preference with the cultural taste. You eat what your host has provided. You enjoy (or not) your host's meal. Truly rude to even go out and get hot sauce. Now, I grew up in Japan. If some a*****e wanted to slather sriracha on my sushi I made, the man would be out of my house in seconds.
OMG! I absolutely understand where this guy is coming from. I stopped cooking for my boyfriend (now husband) because he always had to bastardize what I made. For example, he couldn't just enjoy fresh basil pesto, he had to make it his own thing by adding some nasty jarred pasta sauce to it. It feels really rude. Like, can't you eat an occasional meal, that may not be your favorite, to show respect and appreciation for the person who prepared it?!
ESH. My mom had a bf that put bbq sauce on everything. My thought was 'at least taste it before altering it!'. When I cook that's all I ask. Taste it first. Then put whatever you want on it. The bf in the story was a jerk for actually returning with the damn hot sauce.
Honestly who gives AF?! Sounds like a personal issue between them, why is this even here? I thought maybe Bored panda is pretty content desperate but then I see how many have passionate feelings on this. Run people put down your phones and run. Get out in the world and have your own ridiculous arguments... Only please don't tell the world about them, because if you have to ask, you probably are the A Hole.
I love to cook and make legit dishes when people come to visit too. If someone wants something that'll ruin the dish then let them.
As a white American of Italian heritage, let me say that gatekeeping Italian food is some of the whitest s**t I've ever seen.
The boyfriend is young. He knows nothing and apparently raised without manners. So, we can cut him a bit of a break. However, he was incredibly rude to ask for hot sauce.
Putting to one side that he wanted to put it in a carbonara (and assuming it actually was carbonara)... It depends whether he just wanted to put it on his serving. If it was his portion only, let it go. If he wanted to season the whole dish, then pushing back was the right thing to do.
Chili Oil does not even come close to Siracha in terms of flavour. This guy is a massive egoistic/narcissistic a*****e what the hell does it matter to him if someone wants to add more flavour to their food once its cooked? e_e And just to rub salt in OPs wounds, Italian Food may be alright, but it is massively overrated and Asian food (Indian, Chinese, Korean, Thai, Japanese, Vietnamese..) is infinitely better. (or Romanian food, which is <3 )
I think he's NTA the bf is TA for being a jerk about the whole situation. If someone came in and told me my cooking was "missing something" and then leaves to go buy the thing they want to add...Nope. I'm with OP on this one. If it were about the missing heat, the bf would have accepted the options the host offered. This was a power play by the bf. Saying he knows better about the flavor.
If someone invited me over for a home cooked meal I certainly would not sit there hymning and hawing about how bland the food is and then ask for something to "spice it up". My Momma didn't raise some rude boy, but do go ahead and blame the cook and say he's the a*****e. LOL! Ya'll are messed up.
I'm going against the grain here and saying NTA. It's not a matter of salt and pepper, he's trying to show off his ability to handle spicy food. They aren't catering, they're having dinner with family. I'd be pissed if someone ruined my carefully crafted food. I'd let them do it, but I'd be a d**k about it.
Why be a d**k about it? That makes the dinner less pleasant for all the other guests. I lean more towards "why should I be mad that they're stupid? They're the ones who should be mad about that."
Load More Replies... This is a cultural thing. In my culture it would have been extremely rude to say aloud "the food is missing something". You're getting free food, that someones took the time to make for you, in someones else's house. He could have neutrally asked for the hot sauce, but again that indicates it was under-seasoned and is rude to the cook. In my culture you don't season the food before tasting it, and asking for condiments or seasoning that isn't already on the table is incredibly tactless. Here if you need some Spice you might make an excuse like "I'm so sorry, I've just had a cold and my senses are a little dull, is it possible to get something a bit spicy to add? In Italy this would probably have been seen as absolutely horrendous by some people, mixing cuisines like that and destroying their cultural heritage. That's maybe why the Sister sides with OP. What make it worse is the BF was basically rude to the whole family at the start of the relationship...
Just to add: but he did indeed taste it and then wanted extra sauce.
Load More Replies... There's no she in the equation, except the sister/girlfriend.
Load More Replies... I'd like to see you eat all your meals without any condiments or spices from now on, okay? Because you should be respectful and eat each meal without ANY condiments, toppings, or spices that aren't "TRADITIONAL", right? And even more hilariously, you quote an Arabic proverb in another comment on another post: "Eat what you like and wear what people like". You literally quoted a proverb that says "Eat what you like"... except here, you're saying people CANNOT "eat what they like" and they need to eat it the way they are served, no matter whether they like it or not. You can't have it both ways - which one is it, now?
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