Grandma Wants To Finally Start Living For Herself, So She ‘Retires’ From Taking Care Of Her Grandkids, Upsets Her Daughter
Family members should love and support one another, but there should always be boundaries. Unfortunately, enacting them can be emotionally exhausting and make you feel guilty. Cuz it’s your family, y’know—your family! How can you not do everything to make their life easier?
One very young grandmother had a dilemma that she decided to run by the AITA community to get their opinion on whether or not she was doing the right thing. She raised her own children, then she helped raise her daughter’s son, and now she’s decided to ‘retire’ from taking care of the grandkids full time and move elsewhere. Her daughter, however, didn’t like that idea.
Have a read through the full story below, dear Pandas. It’s an interesting one and I’m very curious to hear how you’d solve this sticky social situation.
A very young grandmother raised not only her own children but also one of her daughter’s kids. Now, she wants to ‘retire’ from grandparenting full time
Image credits: tamadhanaval (not the actual photo)
The core of the dilemma is simple enough: the grandma, redditor EconomyCharge6507, thinks that she’s already done more than her fair share to help the family. She’s already gone above and beyond the call of duty and we salute her.
Meanwhile, her daughter has a slightly different understanding of how families support one another and believes that you can ask for unconditional help, forever.
The redditors of the AITA community overwhelmingly supported the grandma’s right to move away and start living for her and her husband. This doesn’t mean that they don’t love their children or grandchildren. The dynamic’s just going to be different.
Yes, they’ll be spending less time together, but you could argue that this time will actually be higher quality because they’ll have time to miss one another, instead of constantly living within a routine.
While everyone’s free to do what they wish with their lives, there are certain cultural pressures to take into account as well. Certain cultures encourage very tight-knit communities and living near your grandparents and other family members or visiting them very often isn’t all that uncommon.
If you’ve ever traveled to Southern or Eastern Europe or Russia, then you’ll know the importance placed on local communities. Though, to be fair, as the world continues to modernize, traditional approaches to family life are changing, too.
During an earlier interview, counselor Katie Rose, who is a member of the British Association for Counselling and Psychotherapy, told me parents tend to feel the need to be perfect. However, that means trying and failing to meet “unreasonably high expectations” that we set for ourselves. Instead of aiming for the impossible, we need to give our children space to grow.
“In order for our children to learn and grow, they need to understand that we’re not perfect—in fact, that perfection doesn’t even exist. Instead, by failing them in small, manageable ways, we help them learn to tolerate the small frustrations that they will inevitably face in their everyday lives in the future, helping them grow into successful adults,” Katie told Bored Panda.
Here’s what some redditors said after reading through the grandma’s story
One of them was curious to find out how much the grandma’s own parent were involved in the raising process
Most redditors agreed that the original poster’s daughter needs to learn how to raise kids on her own
The daughter should probably stop having kids if she can't take care of them without her mom...
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i agree. even tho its possible she's not having them on purpose
They have actually found a cure for that.
You're joking right? Yes, Accidents do happen like being pregnant even though you are already taking some sort of birth control.... but you can still chose to continue or not.
Wistiti - You'd be surprised at the "babies will come" attitude some people have. I know a woman who's daughter has six kids because "they just came along". Some people don't understand responsibility.
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Thx for the down votes
Thanks for the dumb comments.
One of the commenters read my mind: was the daughter having a third child because she relied on someone else to care for them? The grandparents have done a good job of raising the oldest child. I wonder how well the two younger ones will turn out with an immature mother raising them. The father sounds pretty entitled, too.
A teen mom requiring help is one thing. A 30-something whose husband is in the picture, has a good job, and she can afford to be a stay-home mom.... is another. The daughter, IMHO, should be glad her parents did that much for her and her first child.
I agree with Leo. If I was to get pregnant while in school, I would require help from my parents to help with the kid. When I move away or get a job, then that responsibility would fall on me. I can get help while I need it, but once I am stable, I will raise MY own kid.
I'm sorry, nobody has the right to "require" help from a parent when gets pregnant at any age, can ask for help, not require it.
Also, the OP's daughter is now the age OP was when OP helped raise the first grandchild.
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I doubt it. Most women WANT to see with their grandchildren while they are growing up, I have seen to many sad women whose husbands have dragged then off somewhere after they retire. The wife becomes golf/fishing-widow, cleaning and cooking for the bloke, AND misses on on the joy of Grandchildren.
You seem to have some reading comprehension issues. Let me help. The grandparents still fully intend to see their grandchildren while growing up. They are seeking to avoid being put in a position to co-raise them. Nothing unreasonable about this in the slightest.
It sounds like grandma and grandpa are on the same page, Evelyn.
NTA. You don't want to take care of your children, then don't have children.
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Actually I would tell the daughter to simply say ""Good Riddance", Who needs a mother like that around.
Then she is pretty nasty daughter; you seems to not recognize, Evelyn, how much mother already done for her daughter.
The daughter should probably stop having kids if she can't take care of them without her mom...
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
i agree. even tho its possible she's not having them on purpose
They have actually found a cure for that.
You're joking right? Yes, Accidents do happen like being pregnant even though you are already taking some sort of birth control.... but you can still chose to continue or not.
Wistiti - You'd be surprised at the "babies will come" attitude some people have. I know a woman who's daughter has six kids because "they just came along". Some people don't understand responsibility.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Thx for the down votes
Thanks for the dumb comments.
One of the commenters read my mind: was the daughter having a third child because she relied on someone else to care for them? The grandparents have done a good job of raising the oldest child. I wonder how well the two younger ones will turn out with an immature mother raising them. The father sounds pretty entitled, too.
A teen mom requiring help is one thing. A 30-something whose husband is in the picture, has a good job, and she can afford to be a stay-home mom.... is another. The daughter, IMHO, should be glad her parents did that much for her and her first child.
I agree with Leo. If I was to get pregnant while in school, I would require help from my parents to help with the kid. When I move away or get a job, then that responsibility would fall on me. I can get help while I need it, but once I am stable, I will raise MY own kid.
I'm sorry, nobody has the right to "require" help from a parent when gets pregnant at any age, can ask for help, not require it.
Also, the OP's daughter is now the age OP was when OP helped raise the first grandchild.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
I doubt it. Most women WANT to see with their grandchildren while they are growing up, I have seen to many sad women whose husbands have dragged then off somewhere after they retire. The wife becomes golf/fishing-widow, cleaning and cooking for the bloke, AND misses on on the joy of Grandchildren.
You seem to have some reading comprehension issues. Let me help. The grandparents still fully intend to see their grandchildren while growing up. They are seeking to avoid being put in a position to co-raise them. Nothing unreasonable about this in the slightest.
It sounds like grandma and grandpa are on the same page, Evelyn.
NTA. You don't want to take care of your children, then don't have children.
This comment is hidden. Click here to view.
Actually I would tell the daughter to simply say ""Good Riddance", Who needs a mother like that around.
Then she is pretty nasty daughter; you seems to not recognize, Evelyn, how much mother already done for her daughter.