50-Year-Old Grandma Opens Up About Being Exhausted And Not Wanting To Babysit Her Daughter’s 3-Year-Old Toddler On The Weekends
Parents of young children often rely on the help of their own parents if they need to leave somewhere and they can’t take their kid with them. But they rarely ask if their parents want to get into the role of a parent again; it’s just expected from them.
While some grandparents love going through parenthood all over again, others might not be up for it. Reddit user -BirthingPerson-, who is a grandma, feels too tired to dedicate her weekends to parenting, but feels like she can’t refuse it because it is what is expected from her and asks if it’s wrong that she doesn’t want to spend her free time working as a babysitter.
More info: Reddit
Grandmother feels selfish for not wanting to babysit her grandson on weekends, but also feels the pressure from her daughter and other family members
Image credits: Bruce Tuten (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) is a 50-year-old grandma who has a 27-year-old daughter and a 3-year-old grandson. The daughter is a single mother and she doesn’t get any help from her son’s father.
Responding to a comment, the grandmother said that the father disappeared from their life since the baby was born and doesn’t get any financial or other support from him.
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
She doesn’t want to do it because she also works and weekends are her only time off when she can rest
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
Being a full-time mom is hard enough, but single moms have it even tougher as they can’t rely on anyone else except themselves. The OP’s daughter tries to do that and works all week while her son gets taken care of by someone.
However, she feels she needs to earn more money so she started working on weekends too, but hasn’t arranged where her son will go and assumed that her mother will help her.
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
What is more, she raised 4 children and feels like her work here is done
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
But the OP has different thoughts. She is 50 years old, so she is still of working age and actually has a full-time job that means she works all week just like her daughter. Even though the grandma is still able to work, it doesn’t mean she doesn’t get tired.
She actually gets really exhausted and the only thing she wants to do on weekends is to relax at her home with her dogs. She no longer has the energy to run around with a toddler and she has already been through that with her 4 children and now needs some peace and quiet.
50 years is still young and hopefully the OP has a long life ahead of her, but we can’t pretend that this age doesn’t bring health issues, muscle pains and low energy, all of which interfere with the idea of managing an energetic and boisterous toddler.
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
However, her family thinks that it’s a grandparent’s duty to help raise their grandkids and are making her feel guilty for refusing her daughter
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
The daughter automatically assumes her mom will help her on the weekends, but the grandma also feels pressure from other family members who tell the OP it’s her job to help out with grandchildren. Especially because there is nobody else who could be there for the woman’s child consistently.
It’s not that the grandmother doesn’t love her daughter’s child, she actually says that she wants to be involved, but looking after such little kids requires a lot of energy which she doesn’t have anymore. But she feels guilty and selfish for not wanting to do it, having in mind that the daughter would go to work to earn more money at that time.
Image credits: -BirthingPerson-
Image credits: wsh1266 (not the actual photo)
People in the comments supported the OP and didn’t think she owed her daughter babysitting services. She already did her job raising her own children and raising the 3-year-old is her daughter’s job. They assured the OP that she has the right to have her own life and spend her free time off work as she wishes.
Grandparents often become the default babysitters, and sometimes they have no choice but go through the same life phase they experienced a couple of decades ago that was tiring and stressful. Do you think that parents should expect such help from their children’s grandparents? Do you think family ties and the experience they have obligates them to do it? Let us know your thoughts in the comments!
People in the comments absolutely understand the grandmother, her exhaustion and wish to have some rest from work and raising kids
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Given the fact that 50yo grandma also works full-time, expecting her to be a full-time caregiver—for free!—on her only days off is unreasonable. Ngl, I went back to work when my daughter was 5yo, and my mom did provide full-time daycare. However, I worked the night shift, so the burden amounted to time my daughter was sleeping, plus a couple hours in the morning before school...and my mom was a stay-at-home herself...and she volunteered. I would never have asked.
Yeah, my mom offered to watch my daughter once a week in the evenings for me while I had to work an evening job. That was too much for her, so my ex in-laws agreed to watch her for an extra day, as they already had her for the other 3 days. We did try home daycares but it was too unaffordable and the care was not healthy (bullying from the daycare owner's own kid, smoking, the owner just letting the kids go to the playground on their own, shouting). So, family was there to voluntarily help us out. Her dad was (still is) working nights 6 days a week, and had her the one night he was off while I worked. It was a system that worked out until our daughter was old enough to be at home on her own in the evenings. At least it's not forever.
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Everyone comes down on the single mom's, but no one is saying how shitty it is that the dad can just f**k off and get away with leaving the mother of his child without support and ability to financially support the family in a way that is healthy for everyone. At the same I sympathize with both parties. I don't think the grandmother nor the mother of the child is being malicious. In fact, this situation isn't the public's business, imho. This is something they're going to have to work out themselves, and I'm sure they will.
Personally I admire single moms and it’s unimaginable to me as a father that a man would abandon his child.
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This is a very painful situation for everyone involved. Obviously, the single mom is not making it on her week day income and needsn to bring in more. The grandmother has a legitimate point about her very real limits in regard to time, health and energy. There a few possible solutions here. Since the mom does have 3 other siblings, it could be possible to split child care between some of them on different occasions. In addition, perhaps it is possible to trade some child care with women she knows from work, in exchange for giving them rides to and from work or to the grocery store, etc. Also, in addition to the above, it is very important to pursue legal action against the child's father. If the mother knows his name and any past address at all. He is legally responsible for supporting his offspring. There are lawyers who will take on such a case for free. This is something to discuss with a district attorney.
Grandmother did say that no one else in the family is responsible enough to take the kid, but I really wonder about that - she didn't give any details on them. And yes, they really need to pursue the father & get child support. If he refuses to pay, a lawyer can garnish his wages.
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I'm sitting here wondering why "family" is hounding grandma for not babysitting. Why aren't these same people helping out instead.
I wonder if grandma used *her mom* for free babysitting and the rest of the family feels like she needs to pay that back into the family by doing the same for her own daughter.
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Can we talk about reversible vasectomies until bio fathers want to stay in the picture and raise the children they produce?
NTA, but if the daughter has to work on weekends, it probably means she can't afford a babysitter, so it looks like a difficult situation without easy answers.
Why does it have to be the same person every weekend? Any reason that they ca'n't establish some kind of schedule or rotation involving all these "interested" parties?
NTA-these family members are not responsible enough to help the daughter out, then criticize the Mom (grandmother,) because she doesn't??? I don't understand family like that!!!! Daughter wants to work extra hours at the expense of her mother. The entitlement is glaring.
I couldn't agree more!! I have a couple inlaws with that same type of attitude and they make me sick! I have gotten into so many arguments about it. At least they don't like me anymore and don't ask my wife to watch them while I'm around now so I consider that a small victory
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I had my kids later... I'm 53 and my kids are young teens. I still have an active career and when the girls were babies, I actually hired my stepmom to watch them. I feel like anyone who watches my kids deserve to earn money for it. Everyone's time is valuable. If it's just a few hours while we go out to dinner, they won't take money for it. Maybe her daughter can find a barter system with another parent and exchange childcare duties? I work in the film industry and a lot of the single women in my business started a whole group about doing that to help each other out.
I always tell my daughter if I have no rights telling her with who she sleeping with because she's grown up. She has no rights if she gets pregnant to dump her child for weekends because she's tired. I'm not obligated to fix her life.
If you said these things to me as your son or daughter you wouldn't see me or your grandkids. I don't agree with dropping off kids with grandparents unless it's just for a visit, but you sound hateful. Maybe this happened to you idk
Load More Replies... I was a stay at home Dad and extremely close to my daughter. We did everything together while she was growing up, including many physically challenging things like sports or just building forts to sleep in. Anyway my daughter is about to have her first child, another girl, and I’m thrilled about it. My daughter told me she expects me to be just as active and involved with her child as I was with her. I’d love to but I’m 67 now and I’m not sure if I can keep up. I’ll do my best and hope it will be good enough but I’m not sure I can live up to her high expectations.
I was a single mom, and my parents helped - occasionally! If I needed them to keep my son, I *always* arranged it well in advance, and if they couldn't, I made other arrangements or changed my plans. They did step up in emergencies, but those were rare. They raised their kids, and I was raising mine. As it should be.
Grandma is working all week and expected to babysit weekends? No! No grandparent should have to feel pressured to babysit. Even when I had only 1 kid I found babysitters elsewhere unless my mom or dad volunteered. Today I have 3 and I never expect either of them to babysit them ever.... they're a handful for me, much less them. Even now if I have to go to an appointment where it's no kids allowed I ask one of them if they are free before even making the appointment because I'm not going to assume one of them will watch them. Your parents spent your whole life having to watch you, this is there time. Watch your own kids/get a sitter/ do like they did. And btw I'm a single mom and I still, not once, ever expect them to be responsible for watching my kids. My dad is in his 60s and still working 12hr shifts 5 days a week. He deserves his weekends and my mom is disabled, she deserves her time too.
She shouldn't feel bad, she did her time...grandmothers aren't expected to do anything. When my daughter was little I would ask my mother rarely because she was working full time. I appreciated it when she offered to steal the little one for a day, but I never guilted her for when she couldn't.
My grandpa always says yes to watching his grandkids or great grandkids because nothing is ever consistent. Sometimes you get to see family every weekend and boom someone gets a great job in a different state and you don't see them for over a year. Do what you want with your free time I'm just gonna do it the same way as my grandpa.
My mom is a state certified daycare provider. She babysits my kid. I pay her and we are on a set schedule. If I need extra babysitting days I have to request the time 1 week in adavance like her other clients. She will occasionally watch her for a weekend date night but only if she's up for it and she doesnt want me to pay her for that bc thats grandma time. Point is I dont assume her days off are mine for grabs bc she's grandma and I pay her for her services during the week.We have are happy with the arrangement and we are glad we did it this way.
My wife just retired as an early elementary school principal after 38 year and she has multiple degrees in early childhood education. My pregnant daughter assumed that her mom would volunteer to watch the baby full time, even through my daughter lives an hour away. I knew my wife felt backed in a corner and didn’t want to be a full time day care provider, she just wanted to be grandmother that helped out occasionally but she was nervous about telling our strong willed daughter. I’ve always been very close to my daughter and she wasn’t used to be told no by her adoring father but I stood by my wife and told her that she would have to find another day care provider. My daughter got angry at me and stormed off crying. Things have settled down now and my wife and daughter researched day care facilities together. I should mention that my daughter has a very supportive spouse who is a teacher and that she also has a very high paying job and can afford to pay for child care.
Could care less what others opinions or thoughts are. That's just me. I baby sat my sons baby daughter when she was 1yr until 3 1/2yrs old Everyday from the crack of dawn till late evening. Never charged him a dime, his wife wanted to work but was only allowed to work if I watched that baby. I potty trained her asap and taught her alot. Even on the weekends they would drop her off to go out and live a great life. I was stuck at home with the Baby their baby. I raised 4 children, no one ever helped me. Then one day the wife's father came sick to live with them, the wife quit working and picked up the Baby and ghosted me. I never saw the Baby again, they moved to Florida and never looked back. If I had to do it over sadly I would not help them at all. I was used and abused and thats not nice so they killed it I will help no one and watch no child ever again. I am now living my life and am not interested in any one but myself. I am not interested in any messages from my son i ignore them
My ex-mother-in-law raised 8 children. No one was able to help her with day-to-day chores. My father-in-law worked all the time to support the family. When her kids grew up, she made it clear to them that she would not be available to babysit, even though she was a SAHW. Fortunately, they all understood.
No one was able to help her with day to day chores.... With EIGHT kids? My 18 month old has chores lol
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NTA. Your daughter needs to get Child Support from the Dad & use the money for hiring a weekend babysitter. She just needs to get a child support hearing from the court. They will garnish his wages. It took both of them to conceive & both should pay for the care of the child. Mom should get Money from the Dad if he is not contributing to raising his Son.
I am a mother of five grown daughters and grandmother of seven. I babysit if I feel up to it and when I chose to. I adore my children and grands. When my children were younger I spent my weekends doing things with my kids and loved it. There were very rare occasions when I had need of a babysitter. Being a single mother left me very little time for myself. Now my time is my own and I don't feel bad about it.
Can we change it to "single parent"? Single dads are rarely given the same sympathy. It's not just single moms that have it hard.
Preach !!! Unfortunately it won’t change though. Lol someone said something about a reversible vasectomy being forced on men till they can provide and raise their kids. Hey I’m good with that but let’s talk about it with the shoe being on the other foot too.
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Wow. So much of "myself first". We can go back and forth on responsibility on the young mother but the facts are the father has runoff leaving the young mother holding the bag. I can't imagine she can get a job looking after her small child so she is expecting her mother to step up. Listen. I'm 50. I get it. But if I had a 3 year old grandson and my daughter was only 27 I would step up. The kid is just 3 so for a few more years of constant vigilance. One thing that friends and families should do is look after their own. I think grandma and daughter just need to sit down and work this out like adults and stop expecting the other to behave and act a certain way.
I TOTALLY agree. I'm 60 and do the same for my niece and her 7 yr old son, been doing this for 4 years. Remember in this country we had multigenerational homes and this was one of the reasons. But then government stepped in and started supplementing the elderly to either assisted living or home care programs. Family and friends have a moral obligation to step up,l.
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How very convenient for the other family members to put their oar in, saying it is her duty as a grandmother, whilst 'safely' far enough away to not be able to be physically involved themselves.
I'm almost 60 and take my nephew every other weekend and any other time my niece needs my help. No afar here! It is FAMILIES obligation to help family. Maybe society shouldn't have made having babies out of wedlock so acceptable. This is the result. And 60% of those in poverty are single moms. While taxpayers foot the bill.
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If the father of this child is not dead, then the mother needs to file for child support. Maybe then she would not have to pick up weekend shifts, and could have those days to enjoy her son. The father help make the little boy so he needs to help provide for him.
Maybe the father is dead or in prison, or the baby was a product of rape. There could be a reason he is not around.
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for whatever reason the father is out of the picture, but what about his family? they are family too and maybe they could help.
My cousin’s daughter (whatever relation that makes her) wanted a family of 4 kids- that was her dream. And every weekend they dump all 4 kids on my cousin to babysit. Not because they have to work. Nope. Just for time to themselves and grandma/grandkid ‘quality time’. It makes me so mad because my cousin is chronically stressed, her marriage is loveless at this point, and she has health problems as well. If you want a big family, fine, but assume the responsibility of all that comes with it. Btw, I am childless and proud. My money and time are completely my own.
I'll start by saying it's really shitty on the father!! Guys that aren't an active part of their childs life in my opinion should be buried beneath a prison! They make me sick! So I feel for the daughter and the kids, but what blows my mind is a family that thinks it's the grandparents "job" to babysit and help raise grandkids. Umm, how bout no! They helped raise grandkids by hopefully raising good kids themselves and instilling good family values. Would it be nice if she could help out every once in a while? Absolutely, but to think and expect it to be on a regular basis? I'm sorry I just don't believe that to be true! They have done their job and it's now time to enjoy her new life! And she states that the rest of the family isn't suited to help and somehow that doesn't surprise me that they are trying to guilt her into doing it. This woman has earned the right to not have to watch kids every single weekend, on her only days off! Tell her NO! Live your life and help occasionally!
Grandparents don't owe you anything as a parent, they raised their kids. If you choose to have a child, you also need to make sure they can be taken care of by you or paid for by you. You shouldn't expect the Grandparent to take on that responsibility, especially when they already have a full time job.
My Mother would not have done it. Maybe once in a while but certainly not all the time.
SHORT AND TO THE POINT....HELL;NO !! You are not the A**e-hole !!
I never expected my parents to look after my kids, and rarely do I ever ask anyone to babysit them. I have 4 kids, 2 are from my first marriage and teenagers, the other two are almost 8 and 5 - neither of those have ever went to their dads mum to be looked after, once the older one stayed overnight with her aunt when she was about 1. I very very rarely go anywhere where I can't take my kids even when I was a single mum to the older two. My brother on the other hand is always asking mum to collect kids from school, babysit etc and I guess that has made me feel unable to ask as she gets enough babysitting from his kids. The kids starting school makes such a huge difference I get the mum wants some extra money but it's not ok to use people selfishly.
My son is a single dad of my beautiful 2 year old granddaughter. Has been since her birth. I drive an hour one way and hour home everyday to watch her. These are the things that really matter. Any extra money I have I give to them. I also work a couple hours when I get home as I'm recently divorced after 30 years of marriage and was left with nothing. Cars falling apart I crawl under and fix it. Suck it help and help when your needed
I'm wondering why they haven't gone after the dad for child support. It sounds like the young mom is desperate for affordable childcare. I know grandma is tired, but maybe if she keeps bringing up other childcare options and talking to others in the family to see who's available to help out on the weekends ... other arrangements will eventually be made.
Guilt trippers need to put money where their mouth is. You're family? Then pony up. Siblings with kids help out. Auntie/uncle ... nta
F*****g live. You're not selfish. Go out on the weekend and live. Slow your daughter to learn appreciation for how much you actually have sacrifices for your babies. Go do something you have always wanted to do. Join a class, learn a language learn your body and whom the 50 year old you. Lol at yourself and find your true north. She should have set up child care prior to taking in more responsibility missing all of her son's life.
Years ago the sister-in-law of friend of mine used her Mother-in-law to watch her 2 kids while she worked during the week, but when she asked her to watch them on a Saturday 1 time, Grandma had other plans & said she couldn't that day. This girl was talking crap about her for that. I defended her and said so NO is never an option?! So now she's the bad guy? That's not right!
I bet that the Gma isn't being paid. I was expected to watch my gdaughters w/o pay...10 hours a day....they both had great jobs...RN...I had rent and bills to pay. When I said something, instead of paying me, they put the kids in a nursery costing no telling how much....
NTA, you should only do what you want. I am 51 and I often take my grandchildren (4 years and 6 weeks old) to give my daughter a break when I am not working. I find it reinvigorates me and makes me happy after a long day. This is not true for everyone. I don't even need a reason. If I ever say, "no", I know it will be ok.
Wheither your parents like having you dump your kids off or not it's not right. A visit or a weekend to stay with grandpa & grandma is fine but dumping them off for the weekend each weekend?! With a 24 year old son & 10 year old twins (girl & boy) my folks said they raised their kids & that was that.i wish they more to do with their grandkids but it is what it is. That said I've been a single dad for the last 5 years, having kids most of thst time every other week by myself with a full time job. Suck it up wankers if you had kids play time/r&r is over. If you do drop the kids off just to go out on the town or on a date your a spoiled twat. This world has gotten so soft.. wtf
I can understand how she feels I gave worked and raised 6 kids .now my second youngest decided she did not like being a mother so I had to step in so my grandaughter who has just turned 7 would not go into foster care.i know have no friends and spend all my time worrying about picking get up on time play dates ect.i have had her for 4 years.so much for my retirement.my life sucks
She choose to have the child not you and yes being an active grandma is great but that doesn't mean you have to babysit ever weekend, I don't think your being unreasonable kids are hard work you've done your time and it's also now your time to you raised your kids there grown it's time for you to do what grandma wants to do aswell it's not fair for you.
NTA, especially since you aren't the one who knocked her up. You are not responsible for your daughter's poor life decisions.
No, but GMA raised daughter to believe it was ok to bed a man not committed to you and have babies out of wedlock or commitment. You reap what you raise. Society has made babies out of wedlock and as a result EVERYONE HAS SUFFERED AND LEFT TO PAY FOR IT. To includes taxpayers.
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A single mom can get a subsidy from social services to pay for childcare. Since it's the weekend, I'm sure she can snag a teenager or college student to babysit. It's unfair to take grandma's days off away from her. She's raised her kids and needs her weekends to relax!!!
Not if she works. It might be different if she was a stay at home grandmother. I'm 56 and work a full time job. I also have kids and they wear me out.
Oh darlin, you don't have to be a martyr. And some people do have that perception about grandmothers, but not when they work full time. Just tell your daughter you're exhausted and you just can't handle it. Period, end of story. Do not feel guilty. And keep in mind you are reaching that age of change, and that just wreaks havoc on women and can add to your exhaustion. Just flat out tell her why, and for the family that's guilting you, let the rest of the family make it their responsibility, not you.
When she ages and needs her daughter's help can the daughter tell her that she is just too tired to help?
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Oh yeah and the daughter should put the dad on child support also , this daughter of yours gotta get smart , dont let the dad walk out and not pay child support, grandma get your daughter to put that baby dad on child support...
To the grandma , its not your duty to care for the grandson , and If family members are trying to guilt trip you , then you go tell them , if they speak up again about it , then they should go and help your daughter, They wanna be in the business then those family members have time to talk they got time to help babysit then.. you stand your ground grandma ... You work , its your time ... I wish you well .. God bless
The daughter should take care of her offspring! She chose to have it. Her mother sounds exhausted as she should because she already went throught it and working full-time! No. It's not the mother job to be obligatedto take care of her grandchild just bc she a grandmother. Her daughter her mistake. I highly doubt this was a plan pregnancy. The mother has every right to feel the way she feel! I'm 28 and my mother is the same age as her mom 50. I don't have any kids nor want to too. I would hate to put that burden on my mother.
daughter needs to take care of her child, like putting him in daycare. I worked and did not ask my mom to watch my kids. She raised 4 of her own and should not be expected to raise mine. Daughter is very selfish. I too was a single mom and there are others that can take care of the child, but they won't do it for free. She should not have expected to watch her grandchild. She needs her weekends off just to keep her sanity. Mom needs to be able to relax too. Maybe the other relatives should divvy up and trade weekends. That way Mom is free from watching him at all.
So... the mother works all week and weekends too? When does she spend time with her baby? Sounds like grama is with baby more than mom. So uh, no. I have 14 grandchildren. I'm the "Sugar Grama." I am definitely not the "babysitter." My children don't ask me to babysit, and that allows me the freedom to offer... for a night out for the parents to be appreciated and while I live up to my reputation for spoiling the kids silly and then sending them home. That's being a grama. My advice: spoil that kid so bad mom will run the other way.
Grandma is NTA. She is trying to put boundaries on her time and energy and is being guilted over it? No way. Every parent is responsible for their children and childcare. No one should feel obligated to watch their own grandchildren for free. Daughter needs to understand that if she chose to have this child, then she must deal with the struggles that come with it. Helping out is fine every once in a while but it should be done voluntarily and communicate or discuss the details. I think open honest communication is lacking and respect is missing from the daughter/child's mom. Sounds like she's a bit entitled. Grandma needs to set these boundaries cuz no one has the right to manipulate you, your boundaries, and emotions. Like making you feel bad for doing or not doing something.
I am a single mom with 2 children, and the father is absent. When they were little, I paid $1300 a month on good childcare. Those years we were so poor! We lived with my father and I paid his mortgage. He did not take care of my kids. It was hard! Yet, they are 12 and 14 now and say those days were the best days of their lives. We had no leftover money. So, we did fun things like play soccer in the yard, go to parks (alot), went to spray pads, got involved at church with kids activities, played at McDonalds, hung out with friends. When they started school I got a job in the school as an aide. After school when we got home, I did child care/babysitting for women who worked nights. Did that for 3 yrs. I often worked 2 jobs and did not depend on the state. Children of single moms grow up and mature much faster than honestly they should have to. We had moved out on our own by then. The point is that if you want and need to, a single parent CAN make it on their own. You have just do it!
Cont. Thinking of yourself is not an option. I had 3-4 hrs sleep every night. I was and am still exhausted all of the time! The key is to get child support going and monitored by your state agency. If they miss paying (happened alot) the state would 1. Garnish the fathers wages or take lump sums out of the fathers bank account. It is so important. And yes, you can get family court forms at the courthouse and file a case yourself. Being a true single mom is the hardest thing in the world. But, the children did not choose this. Love your children! Get them involved in activities! Single moms - work your butts off! One day those children will grow up and know they are endlessly loved. And they will one day rise up and be so strong and wise as will you be! We are their rock! You may stumble, but you will not faint! Just put 1 foot in front of the other.
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Working more hours brings in more money and decreases the assistance she's getting from the government. It might not be worth while to work the extra hours. Besides, she's taking away precious time she should be spending with her child
People who have kids are 100% responsible. and no one else unless they become job/homeless, then social services should be involved. I know no one in my family would babysit for free. And neither would I.
It's a job. She should be paying you something, that you can turn around and farm it out to someone else. Is the pay significant enough for her, or only just a little since the sitting is free? Still, your time is yours. Don't be sucked into losing your golden time!
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She works hard. Not fair to pressure a 50 yr to work full time for free. She is not being selfish and should take time to enjoy herself. Not wanting to be around your grandkids wont kill you. I'm sure everyone feels exhausted because of their kids/grandiose at some point.
NTA, but Grandma is doing it wrong.... I was "Fun Uncle" for my nieces and nephew, and the trick is to get them to do the things you wanna do, and then cater to you LOL Let's lay down and watch a movie! Go get uncle a beer! Whoever picks up the living room fastest gets to pick dinner! Whoever takes the dog for the longest walk gets to play Playstation with me! Who wants to play in the hose and wash my car?!? 🤣🤣🤣
Im 60 in July and have my 5yrs old twin grandson every Saturday/sunday on my own,I love having them but I get really exhausted the next day, I work part time through the week as a hairdresser on my feet too. I want to help my daughter as I know how hard being a single mum is, as I had 2 babies under 1yrs old (Irish Twins) but she now expects it every weekend and Im suffering with back and joint issues too.. I dont feel like Im appreciated sometimes but that its my duty to help out as the father is not around to help...i just want to matter too. Im to scared to say no one weekend and feel guilty. I just wish my daughter would acknowledge that im getting older and say mum have a weekend off and do something for yourself.. Guess i need to just say no here and there.
The situation is difficult for grandmother and daughter. I can’t blame the daughter for asking for help and the grandmother for feeling too tired to offer weekend babysitting after working all week. If daughter lived at home, she wouldn’t have to pick up weekend shifts to cover expenses. Families should definitely work together to help each other and be considerate of limitations. Maybe grandma can manage one weekend to help daughter. And where does it say that once your child is grown, your job is done. Lol. Your job as a parent dies when you are in the ground. I was a single parent at 19 yrs old and my mother never offered to help. She had 7 children starting at the age of 16, so she wanted nothing to do with kids anymore. My daughter is now 21 and living her own life at college while working full time. I look forward to the day when she has babies so that I can babysit and make memories with them. Kids grow so fast and they are truly a blessing to have in your life.
WHAT a lot of truly unpleasant people there are out there. YOU decided to have kids, nobody MADE you, You should be more than happy to help rear your Grandkids. The one thing I TRULY resent missing out on was being near my own children and helping my Grandchildren grow up. I planned my life around Grandkids. IF you do NOT want to help with your grandchildren do NOT have children!!!
Babysit 3yo for one or two days isn't big deal 🤷🏻♀️ just saying...
You are really really lucky to have the opportunity to help with your grandson. My DH moved us just as my kids started having families, and I rarely get to see my Grandchildren :-(
Repeat after me: BOUNDARIES. They are healthy, they are not mean, they are necessary and everyone should set them.
She is blessed to have a mom who does this for her! My mom never did anything for my daughter or me, she passed on long ago, heavy drinker.. ... my wonderful grandma raised me and assisted when needed for my child but it was rare I ever asked,she raised me because her daughter legit dropped me at her door and said "nope,I can't " Its hard for moms and grams! my husband was always working which was also a blessing, but its lonely and difficult without extended family members or grams with big hearts to help. God bless all the moms and grandparents and great grandparents who love and help their children and grandchildren! You are all wonderful people ❤
I am in the same situation with my daughter. I have her handicap child living with me for 14 years and doesn't understand that I don't have the time or am to tired. She takes up a lot of my time. Now she stopped talking to me because I refused to watch her 2 young ones. I told I would watch one but not 2, so now she isn't talking. Life goes on.
No good deed goes unpunished. Move on and enjoy your life.
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Precisely why you don't lay down with people of that caliber, having babies out of wedlock. (Yes I know she could still end up a single mom and blah blah. But give yourself a fighting chance. ) That being said, I side with Grandma, but I would encourage her to try to make the sacrifice for the sake of the grandchild from time to time.
I'm 62 and I understand where this grandma is coming from. My 4yr old grandson keeps me on my toes. I go visit them usually for a week at a time. He's very demanding, I get in the floor and play with him, I watch him play games on his tablet, if I talk to anyone else he's right there and he'll stand in front of me and start talking to me so I'll stop talking to whom ever I was talking to. I'm seriously his becking call when I'm at their house and by the time I'm ready to leave and go back home I'm exhausted. I can relate to this grandma, I raised my two sons and I just don't have the patience for kids nor the energy and I no longer work. I have done a lot of babysitting for my grandbabies bec nobody helped me out when I had my kids and I was a single parent also and the dad wasn't in their lives either. This grandma isn't obligated to her daughter and I don't blame her for wanting her free time off work to be alone and unwind. She needs to talk to her daughter about how she feels.
Your daughter can find a job, working from *home on the weekends or any day she would like (especially on the computer). As well, she would save on gas. If she would be working on the phone, people expect to hear children in the background (since the pandemic). She is avoiding taking care of her child. I think you should have the choice of getting your grand, or *visiting him. (I definitely understand how you feel.) I commend the GMs of old, but I personally did not carry that gene of wanting to take care of grandkids after I've done my time with my own.
The expectation that family has to accommodate any parent is unacceptable. Yup, I said what I said 😉😉
So you all gonna open a daycare on the weekend then? You all keep saying it. But the fact is no daycare is open on the weekend. Did anyone even ask this grandma what she does at her job? Seriously sounds like an excuse to me. Even going as far as saying she had four kids so she's done. Come on people this woman don't care about her grandkid.
Guess what when you have a kid it’s your kid for life. Their f**k ups are your f**k ups. She needs help you help. I don’t feel sorry that you raised a kid that needs help.
Before the first of my siblings got married, our mom made sure to tell all of us (collectively and individually) that she would Not be a babysitting resource for her grandkids. She let us know up front, and none of us had any problem with it (she was a single mom who raised us six kids with no babysitting help from our father [before or after they divorced], her parents or anyone else, and she has medical issues). Some of my siblings babysit their grandkids occasionally, but never regularly. I am 56, have 2 jobs, I'm working on finishing my basement myself, and told my three kids (before anyone got married) the same thing. I was a single parent, too, and I'm just too tired to take care of babies or chase toddlers on my days off. I love to help out when I can, but my kids know not to use me as a free babysitter, either. OP is most definitely NTA!!!
Does the mother need to work extra? It sounded like it was for extra money, not 'to make all my bills'. If the work is extra, maybe right now she should spend the time with her child instead. I was a single mom too and sometimes we look at the finances so hard we overlook other things which are important - quality time with kids.
Ok Grandma, sit down and have a come to jesus meeting with your family. Let it be know that if you were fully retired things would be different, but you're not. Yes, you want to help out, But you need relief as well. Since gram works full time as well it's not fair for gram to have to loose out on her weekends off EVERY weekend. Let her pick out the weekend day (s) she IS going to be unavailable. She needs a weekend with the girls every so often as well. It's good you are trying to better yourself. Just don't shove everything on grandma. She has paid her dues.
As far as getting a lawyer to garnish wages that may work only if he is working. If the mother is already having a hard time making ends meet just imagine her coming up with a decent lawyer and to take time off work to deal with this. Being a single mom is tough already. Kids get sick so you have to take time off. On top of that so many other unforeseen circumstances and that makes the employer begin to get on your back and now you have to deal with getting a lawyer because the dad won’t be a present father and do his part.
I see most people commenting have kids. I hope everyone commenting has kids because it’s easy to throw around a bunch of solutions when you don’t have kids or have not experienced this yourself. Most weekend daycares are sketchy, unsafe or expensive as heck for a single parent. Hiring people to come into your home as well can be weird and unsafe as well. It’s so scary trying to work and keep your kid safe now adays. I mean look at all the childcare abuse, deaths etc. It most definitely is not the grandmothers job to watch her granddaughter while her mother picks up shifts on the weekends. It would be nice to have just one day of the week where the grandkids can spend with the grandparents/grandma. I’m not sure if it’s just me but I’ve noticed grandparents/grandkid relationships and the time being spent are close to non existent.
Just like the OP her and her daughter shouldn't of had kids....just as because your kid is grown doesn't mean you arent a parent anymore..and you shouldn't of had a kid with a loser. This is why people should hold off and practice safe sex when shacking up with random dudes every weekend, or random chicks. Actions have consequences
Most states have county wide programs to assist with child care. The caretakers are vetted and the homes are inspected. The county pays the babysitter and you pay the county -BASED INCOME. When I was raising my kids that program was invaluable. They do this for both daycare centers and home daycare programs. I truly understand being a tired 50 year old, however, I always try to help my kids find solutions.
Hello Grandma I'm fifty-two and I watch my daughter son during the week Monday through Friday while she works I do not do weekend I don't care what's going on I'm Grandma I love my grandson but my time is my time and that's it no more needs to be said you have to set boundaries I've raised two daughters so I do when I'm ready to do that's it
NTA. My mum still works( is just reaching retirement.) when I had my first child 4years ago, she did offer and babysit 1 morning a week for us on her days off, since then I have had a second child (2yo) and would not dream of asking her to have both as I know it is too much for her, and she has freely said this to me as well. It's not a problem they are my children and my responsibility the help was always appreciated but NEVER expected.
True, your daughter shouldn't take advantage. True you're done raising your own children. Your grandson is three. Your daughter is 27 and you're 50. So when you retire, if you retire, they'll be older too. It's a good thing you work for yourself and your dogs. I wonder how old your dog is or if your parents are still alive. Are they still active and in good health? I hope they have a great long term plan for themselves in case they can't take care of themselves.
I think this might just be a matter of miscommunication. Now if the grandma says hey, While I love you & my granddaughter, I'd really appreciate more time to myself. If there's still pushback, shame on daughter.
So... mom works all week and weekends too? When does she spend time with baby? Sounds like grama spends more time with baby than mom. I have 14 grandkids. My kids don't ask me to babysit. This enables me to offer to sit for a night out for the parents while I spoil the crap out of the kids and then send them home. I am the "Sugar Grama" and proud of it. I am definitely not the "babysitter." This is the way it's supposed to be. My advice: spoil that kid so bad his mother will run in the opposite direction in search of someone else to watch him for any length of time.
To be clear, I don't think she is the a*****e. She is completely right in the way she feels and how she lives her life. 50 is young though and humans are generwlly built to run and play be as active as always until we die. The reason it doesn't work is because humans are lazy eat terrible and have poor lifestyle habits. Like I said I fully support her. But blaming age especially at age 50 is silly. Just say no
It might help me decide if I knew what she was spending her money on. If she’s spending it going out with friend$ or buying junk then there’s no way I am giving up my weekends. I would limit the weekends to once a month.
While I am not babysitting every weekend like op, I can fully understand being exhausted at 50 yo. I love my 3 grandsons with all my heart and have had them every summer for the last 3 yrs for a month. This will be the 1st summer I've had all 3 as the baby was just too young to leave home for such an extended period of time (12, 9 and 5). Honestly, I know I will be exhausted, I have lupus and when stressed, have shingles outbreaks. I will just suck it up tho and make the most of it while I still can. Rant over
NTA You did your parenting you raised them taught them right from wrong. Your the grandparents that means you should be the one grandkids get excited to see, not expect to see. You need to say no or else say you will only do it every other weekend. As far other family members if they're so sure you should do the babysitting then they help could too. Sibling help each other out with babysitting all the time. If they are a two parent house hold there is plenty of help. Your daughter and the guy created the baby he needs to stand up to his responsibility. She needs to find the lawyers that help women get support from dead dads or call the court house and see what they advise and if they know lawyers who specializes in this situations. He's out having fun while the 2 of you are exhausted. She doesn't have to worry about him wanting in the child's life if he doesn't now he won't later.
Your job as a grandmother is to enjoy your grandchild when you want to. You have raised 4 kids and shouldn't have to be a weekend babysitter. Let your daughter know that your not in your 20's anymore and that you need to re-energized on the weekends so you can be ready for your full-time job come Monday. Have her place an babysitter wanted for the weekends.
Your adult child doesn’t get a vote in what you do any day of the week. She can ask, but that’s all.
She's got 3 other kids, why don't they alternate weekends? That way it would only be 1 weekend a month. But no, the grandmother is NA.
My mom would always help me. Not that I asked her so much. She loved playing with the kids. We still visit every week. But she was 70 when I got kids. She didn't have to work. I'm 52 now. Work full time and a baby in the weekend? No thanks. Sounds like her mom is a single mom too.
Grandmother does not mean babysitter. My nephew an his gf have two kids an basically dump them on my brother an his gf lots of weekends so they can spend time w their friends. It's tough. I hate seeing the little ones weekends w their parents basically given away. But it's not my call. My brother says he has stuff he wants to get done too and loves his grandkids, but he's older than I am an I can see he likes his quiet times too. The gf of his likes playing grandma an it's fine. But now it's like I don't get invited to my brother house or texts w kids photos or anything from nephew or his gf. Or my brother gf. So they kinda shut me my mom an sister out of it all. Fine I suppose cuz my brother does come by once a week an we talk an hang out. But it's deff drama land over there.
Since when is a woman whose ex is still "in the picture" (to any degree) NOT considered a single mom? That is incredibly insulting.
You suck grandma. You didn't do a good job as a mother and now you're also failing as a grandma. You didn't raise your kids to love each other enough so that they could rely on each other. None of us can make it alone. You're NEVER done raising your kids. It's not a 9-5 job. You are selfish. You also have every right to complain and want your freedom. It comes down to what you can live with. Choose. But don't lie to yourself about the kind of person you are.
What an idiot you are. Nasty thing. You need to crawl back under your rock.
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She had sex with a man, she got pregnant so stay with the father. He must have meant something to her or else she wouldn't of sex with him and gotten pregnant. Women are to quick to leave their man especially when they are pregnant, It's not good. I got my girlfriend pregnant Dec.2019. We planned it and she had been longing for a child for a long time but, we were to busy enjoying ourselves traveling all the time since June 2009 when we started our relationship. I was 46 and she was 22. Now, as we speak our baby is 19mos old and I will be 59 next month and she is 35. I work 3 days a week and I help her with the baby the other 4 days and does online courses towards getting her 4year degree in health information management so that's our arrangement right now. Her parents are too old 72yrs old with many health problems and my mom will be 84 in June and is full of Dementia and Alzheimer's and is 100% care dependent and my dad passed away 36yrs ago. So we are on our own and have to stay together and raise our child.
Disgusting when the other parent takes no accountability. I don’t think this grandmother should help out every weekend as she’d obviously start to resent her daughter but I do think the grandmother should try to help out at times because that’s what family does. Ultimately it would be preferable if other family members could help too so one member isn’t doing the majority of the required help. What about the grandfather, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc.? Paying for a babysitter would be best but they are extremely expensive these days where there’s no point in working for some so end up really poor and sick trying to raise children. In this day and age, it takes help from others to make it because the cost of living is stupid but everyone often needs help. There should be some give and take. Doesn’t need to be even but paying favors back is how relationships work. And a time limit to the favor that’s agreed upon. Sounds like there’s a big communication issue here too.
look at the reality of it tho, as much as i'm sure she doesn't want to. non of this would even b an issue if the grandmother had kept her legs closed too. just because yer old & tired doesn't mean that yer responsibilities end as a parent, unless you r physically/mentally incapable you unfortunately have an obligation because YOU brought HER into this world. think very very carefully ppl. but hey even sometimes when you do think carefully you get caught up in the rat races of life & s**t happens. that's why plan b & abortions r good, not to say open up yer legs for ne & every1. also not demonizing ppl for doing those things because of own personal beliefs. some ppl know they shouldn't have kids but we r human & have desires but influences in the world do affect ppl.
there is the other problem of ppl wanting to have children even though they aren't fit, what do you do then? i'm sure as a young girl or younger woman she wanted kids & a family, the "dream" that most ppl get drilled into their heads as children. i'm glad it's becoming more normal for ppl to THINK before having children or deciding not too at all. I love my 2 boys dearly but our family history mentally on both sides & on his father's families side I don't feel like ne of us should have procreate. & as I look at the world I start to see that in the vast majority of ppl.
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Maybe gma could do every other weekend. GMA raised daughter to apparently be ok with having kids out of wedlock with no commitment from the man. I'm almost 60, work 50 hrs a week and watch my nieces son every other week because they were abandoned too. Family is supposed to help family. It's the me generation and after who have decided it's governments job.
Question for the grandma: If you daughter is doing her best to make it work, and now must hire a babysitter, are you okay not seeing your grandchild very much? I've been where she is and sometimes you need a little help, but I get not wanting to give up all your weekends but you kind of come off disinterested. If you won't help her, are you okay with her not helping you when you get old? It's a slippery slope but ou f my daughter ever has kids, I will watch them as much as I can.🙂
Well here is the thing is that the single mom may be so busy trying to figure everything out. She doesn't think of the toll that it is taking on her mom to watch her child. One thing is never take your help for granted she should try to give her mom a break. Another thing is the fact the father just up and left the picture.... childcare isn't always safe and affordable.
How come nobody ever reads about single fathers doing the same damn thing, it's a huge thing for men to take over that role when never in our history have been expected to fill that role in society.
I took my grandchildren (3 of them) from the age of three every holiday weekend, All Summer Long, and every chance I got. I drove 4 hours to get them. I would of taken them every night and weekends if I could. I am now raising 2 of them at 63. Would not choose anything different.
They still know their parents don’t want them, no matter how much you spoil them.
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ok this is my opinion....yes grandparents don't have to help with thier grandkids but should but remember your only a few years away from a nursing home and your kids don't have to take care of you when that time comes there's people that make it thier job so why should this burden fall to the kids.... so i hope the daughter chucks you in the worse one she can find and never comes to visit and you look back on this post and know why
50 year old is too old to watch children. Why nature invented menopause.
Load More Replies... Grandma, at 50 you should not be exhausted. Go to your doctor, be sure you are getting protein, carbs...good sleep through the week.
Birth control??? Anybody???? No??? OK, then I guess just keep having kids you can't afford with deadbeat men, and expect everyone else to support them. Oh, and NTA.
No. Kids = victim mentality and government handouts.
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Cant believe some people are saying the daughter *chose* to have a kid as though the US isnt banning abortion right now. Also I doubt she *chose* to be a single parent.
Shut the f up Hudson all you do is victim blame on other bp articles
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You forget she's a GRANDMOTHER. She's older than her daughter, and you can't expect her to work 7 days a week. You just don't have that kind of energy anymore. Helping out is fine, like at max one weekend a month, and that would be very generous. In my opinion the other family members should step up, either by taking the child on weekends, or by supporting the mother financially. It its unfair to expect the grandmother to be the babysitter every weekend.
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Given the fact that 50yo grandma also works full-time, expecting her to be a full-time caregiver—for free!—on her only days off is unreasonable. Ngl, I went back to work when my daughter was 5yo, and my mom did provide full-time daycare. However, I worked the night shift, so the burden amounted to time my daughter was sleeping, plus a couple hours in the morning before school...and my mom was a stay-at-home herself...and she volunteered. I would never have asked.
Yeah, my mom offered to watch my daughter once a week in the evenings for me while I had to work an evening job. That was too much for her, so my ex in-laws agreed to watch her for an extra day, as they already had her for the other 3 days. We did try home daycares but it was too unaffordable and the care was not healthy (bullying from the daycare owner's own kid, smoking, the owner just letting the kids go to the playground on their own, shouting). So, family was there to voluntarily help us out. Her dad was (still is) working nights 6 days a week, and had her the one night he was off while I worked. It was a system that worked out until our daughter was old enough to be at home on her own in the evenings. At least it's not forever.
Load More Replies... Everyone comes down on the single mom's, but no one is saying how shitty it is that the dad can just f**k off and get away with leaving the mother of his child without support and ability to financially support the family in a way that is healthy for everyone. At the same I sympathize with both parties. I don't think the grandmother nor the mother of the child is being malicious. In fact, this situation isn't the public's business, imho. This is something they're going to have to work out themselves, and I'm sure they will.
Personally I admire single moms and it’s unimaginable to me as a father that a man would abandon his child.
Load More Replies... This is a very painful situation for everyone involved. Obviously, the single mom is not making it on her week day income and needsn to bring in more. The grandmother has a legitimate point about her very real limits in regard to time, health and energy. There a few possible solutions here. Since the mom does have 3 other siblings, it could be possible to split child care between some of them on different occasions. In addition, perhaps it is possible to trade some child care with women she knows from work, in exchange for giving them rides to and from work or to the grocery store, etc. Also, in addition to the above, it is very important to pursue legal action against the child's father. If the mother knows his name and any past address at all. He is legally responsible for supporting his offspring. There are lawyers who will take on such a case for free. This is something to discuss with a district attorney.
Grandmother did say that no one else in the family is responsible enough to take the kid, but I really wonder about that - she didn't give any details on them. And yes, they really need to pursue the father & get child support. If he refuses to pay, a lawyer can garnish his wages.
Load More Replies... I'm sitting here wondering why "family" is hounding grandma for not babysitting. Why aren't these same people helping out instead.
I wonder if grandma used *her mom* for free babysitting and the rest of the family feels like she needs to pay that back into the family by doing the same for her own daughter.
Load More Replies... Can we talk about reversible vasectomies until bio fathers want to stay in the picture and raise the children they produce?
NTA, but if the daughter has to work on weekends, it probably means she can't afford a babysitter, so it looks like a difficult situation without easy answers.
Why does it have to be the same person every weekend? Any reason that they ca'n't establish some kind of schedule or rotation involving all these "interested" parties?
NTA-these family members are not responsible enough to help the daughter out, then criticize the Mom (grandmother,) because she doesn't??? I don't understand family like that!!!! Daughter wants to work extra hours at the expense of her mother. The entitlement is glaring.
I couldn't agree more!! I have a couple inlaws with that same type of attitude and they make me sick! I have gotten into so many arguments about it. At least they don't like me anymore and don't ask my wife to watch them while I'm around now so I consider that a small victory
Load More Replies... I had my kids later... I'm 53 and my kids are young teens. I still have an active career and when the girls were babies, I actually hired my stepmom to watch them. I feel like anyone who watches my kids deserve to earn money for it. Everyone's time is valuable. If it's just a few hours while we go out to dinner, they won't take money for it. Maybe her daughter can find a barter system with another parent and exchange childcare duties? I work in the film industry and a lot of the single women in my business started a whole group about doing that to help each other out.
I always tell my daughter if I have no rights telling her with who she sleeping with because she's grown up. She has no rights if she gets pregnant to dump her child for weekends because she's tired. I'm not obligated to fix her life.
If you said these things to me as your son or daughter you wouldn't see me or your grandkids. I don't agree with dropping off kids with grandparents unless it's just for a visit, but you sound hateful. Maybe this happened to you idk
Load More Replies... I was a stay at home Dad and extremely close to my daughter. We did everything together while she was growing up, including many physically challenging things like sports or just building forts to sleep in. Anyway my daughter is about to have her first child, another girl, and I’m thrilled about it. My daughter told me she expects me to be just as active and involved with her child as I was with her. I’d love to but I’m 67 now and I’m not sure if I can keep up. I’ll do my best and hope it will be good enough but I’m not sure I can live up to her high expectations.
I was a single mom, and my parents helped - occasionally! If I needed them to keep my son, I *always* arranged it well in advance, and if they couldn't, I made other arrangements or changed my plans. They did step up in emergencies, but those were rare. They raised their kids, and I was raising mine. As it should be.
Grandma is working all week and expected to babysit weekends? No! No grandparent should have to feel pressured to babysit. Even when I had only 1 kid I found babysitters elsewhere unless my mom or dad volunteered. Today I have 3 and I never expect either of them to babysit them ever.... they're a handful for me, much less them. Even now if I have to go to an appointment where it's no kids allowed I ask one of them if they are free before even making the appointment because I'm not going to assume one of them will watch them. Your parents spent your whole life having to watch you, this is there time. Watch your own kids/get a sitter/ do like they did. And btw I'm a single mom and I still, not once, ever expect them to be responsible for watching my kids. My dad is in his 60s and still working 12hr shifts 5 days a week. He deserves his weekends and my mom is disabled, she deserves her time too.
She shouldn't feel bad, she did her time...grandmothers aren't expected to do anything. When my daughter was little I would ask my mother rarely because she was working full time. I appreciated it when she offered to steal the little one for a day, but I never guilted her for when she couldn't.
My grandpa always says yes to watching his grandkids or great grandkids because nothing is ever consistent. Sometimes you get to see family every weekend and boom someone gets a great job in a different state and you don't see them for over a year. Do what you want with your free time I'm just gonna do it the same way as my grandpa.
My mom is a state certified daycare provider. She babysits my kid. I pay her and we are on a set schedule. If I need extra babysitting days I have to request the time 1 week in adavance like her other clients. She will occasionally watch her for a weekend date night but only if she's up for it and she doesnt want me to pay her for that bc thats grandma time. Point is I dont assume her days off are mine for grabs bc she's grandma and I pay her for her services during the week.We have are happy with the arrangement and we are glad we did it this way.
My wife just retired as an early elementary school principal after 38 year and she has multiple degrees in early childhood education. My pregnant daughter assumed that her mom would volunteer to watch the baby full time, even through my daughter lives an hour away. I knew my wife felt backed in a corner and didn’t want to be a full time day care provider, she just wanted to be grandmother that helped out occasionally but she was nervous about telling our strong willed daughter. I’ve always been very close to my daughter and she wasn’t used to be told no by her adoring father but I stood by my wife and told her that she would have to find another day care provider. My daughter got angry at me and stormed off crying. Things have settled down now and my wife and daughter researched day care facilities together. I should mention that my daughter has a very supportive spouse who is a teacher and that she also has a very high paying job and can afford to pay for child care.
Could care less what others opinions or thoughts are. That's just me. I baby sat my sons baby daughter when she was 1yr until 3 1/2yrs old Everyday from the crack of dawn till late evening. Never charged him a dime, his wife wanted to work but was only allowed to work if I watched that baby. I potty trained her asap and taught her alot. Even on the weekends they would drop her off to go out and live a great life. I was stuck at home with the Baby their baby. I raised 4 children, no one ever helped me. Then one day the wife's father came sick to live with them, the wife quit working and picked up the Baby and ghosted me. I never saw the Baby again, they moved to Florida and never looked back. If I had to do it over sadly I would not help them at all. I was used and abused and thats not nice so they killed it I will help no one and watch no child ever again. I am now living my life and am not interested in any one but myself. I am not interested in any messages from my son i ignore them
My ex-mother-in-law raised 8 children. No one was able to help her with day-to-day chores. My father-in-law worked all the time to support the family. When her kids grew up, she made it clear to them that she would not be available to babysit, even though she was a SAHW. Fortunately, they all understood.
No one was able to help her with day to day chores.... With EIGHT kids? My 18 month old has chores lol
Load More Replies... NTA. Your daughter needs to get Child Support from the Dad & use the money for hiring a weekend babysitter. She just needs to get a child support hearing from the court. They will garnish his wages. It took both of them to conceive & both should pay for the care of the child. Mom should get Money from the Dad if he is not contributing to raising his Son.
I am a mother of five grown daughters and grandmother of seven. I babysit if I feel up to it and when I chose to. I adore my children and grands. When my children were younger I spent my weekends doing things with my kids and loved it. There were very rare occasions when I had need of a babysitter. Being a single mother left me very little time for myself. Now my time is my own and I don't feel bad about it.
Can we change it to "single parent"? Single dads are rarely given the same sympathy. It's not just single moms that have it hard.
Preach !!! Unfortunately it won’t change though. Lol someone said something about a reversible vasectomy being forced on men till they can provide and raise their kids. Hey I’m good with that but let’s talk about it with the shoe being on the other foot too.
Load More Replies... Wow. So much of "myself first". We can go back and forth on responsibility on the young mother but the facts are the father has runoff leaving the young mother holding the bag. I can't imagine she can get a job looking after her small child so she is expecting her mother to step up. Listen. I'm 50. I get it. But if I had a 3 year old grandson and my daughter was only 27 I would step up. The kid is just 3 so for a few more years of constant vigilance. One thing that friends and families should do is look after their own. I think grandma and daughter just need to sit down and work this out like adults and stop expecting the other to behave and act a certain way.
I TOTALLY agree. I'm 60 and do the same for my niece and her 7 yr old son, been doing this for 4 years. Remember in this country we had multigenerational homes and this was one of the reasons. But then government stepped in and started supplementing the elderly to either assisted living or home care programs. Family and friends have a moral obligation to step up,l.
Load More Replies... How very convenient for the other family members to put their oar in, saying it is her duty as a grandmother, whilst 'safely' far enough away to not be able to be physically involved themselves.
I'm almost 60 and take my nephew every other weekend and any other time my niece needs my help. No afar here! It is FAMILIES obligation to help family. Maybe society shouldn't have made having babies out of wedlock so acceptable. This is the result. And 60% of those in poverty are single moms. While taxpayers foot the bill.
Load More Replies... If the father of this child is not dead, then the mother needs to file for child support. Maybe then she would not have to pick up weekend shifts, and could have those days to enjoy her son. The father help make the little boy so he needs to help provide for him.
Maybe the father is dead or in prison, or the baby was a product of rape. There could be a reason he is not around.
Load More Replies... for whatever reason the father is out of the picture, but what about his family? they are family too and maybe they could help.
My cousin’s daughter (whatever relation that makes her) wanted a family of 4 kids- that was her dream. And every weekend they dump all 4 kids on my cousin to babysit. Not because they have to work. Nope. Just for time to themselves and grandma/grandkid ‘quality time’. It makes me so mad because my cousin is chronically stressed, her marriage is loveless at this point, and she has health problems as well. If you want a big family, fine, but assume the responsibility of all that comes with it. Btw, I am childless and proud. My money and time are completely my own.
I'll start by saying it's really shitty on the father!! Guys that aren't an active part of their childs life in my opinion should be buried beneath a prison! They make me sick! So I feel for the daughter and the kids, but what blows my mind is a family that thinks it's the grandparents "job" to babysit and help raise grandkids. Umm, how bout no! They helped raise grandkids by hopefully raising good kids themselves and instilling good family values. Would it be nice if she could help out every once in a while? Absolutely, but to think and expect it to be on a regular basis? I'm sorry I just don't believe that to be true! They have done their job and it's now time to enjoy her new life! And she states that the rest of the family isn't suited to help and somehow that doesn't surprise me that they are trying to guilt her into doing it. This woman has earned the right to not have to watch kids every single weekend, on her only days off! Tell her NO! Live your life and help occasionally!
Grandparents don't owe you anything as a parent, they raised their kids. If you choose to have a child, you also need to make sure they can be taken care of by you or paid for by you. You shouldn't expect the Grandparent to take on that responsibility, especially when they already have a full time job.
My Mother would not have done it. Maybe once in a while but certainly not all the time.
SHORT AND TO THE POINT....HELL;NO !! You are not the A**e-hole !!
I never expected my parents to look after my kids, and rarely do I ever ask anyone to babysit them. I have 4 kids, 2 are from my first marriage and teenagers, the other two are almost 8 and 5 - neither of those have ever went to their dads mum to be looked after, once the older one stayed overnight with her aunt when she was about 1. I very very rarely go anywhere where I can't take my kids even when I was a single mum to the older two. My brother on the other hand is always asking mum to collect kids from school, babysit etc and I guess that has made me feel unable to ask as she gets enough babysitting from his kids. The kids starting school makes such a huge difference I get the mum wants some extra money but it's not ok to use people selfishly.
My son is a single dad of my beautiful 2 year old granddaughter. Has been since her birth. I drive an hour one way and hour home everyday to watch her. These are the things that really matter. Any extra money I have I give to them. I also work a couple hours when I get home as I'm recently divorced after 30 years of marriage and was left with nothing. Cars falling apart I crawl under and fix it. Suck it help and help when your needed
I'm wondering why they haven't gone after the dad for child support. It sounds like the young mom is desperate for affordable childcare. I know grandma is tired, but maybe if she keeps bringing up other childcare options and talking to others in the family to see who's available to help out on the weekends ... other arrangements will eventually be made.
Guilt trippers need to put money where their mouth is. You're family? Then pony up. Siblings with kids help out. Auntie/uncle ... nta
F*****g live. You're not selfish. Go out on the weekend and live. Slow your daughter to learn appreciation for how much you actually have sacrifices for your babies. Go do something you have always wanted to do. Join a class, learn a language learn your body and whom the 50 year old you. Lol at yourself and find your true north. She should have set up child care prior to taking in more responsibility missing all of her son's life.
Years ago the sister-in-law of friend of mine used her Mother-in-law to watch her 2 kids while she worked during the week, but when she asked her to watch them on a Saturday 1 time, Grandma had other plans & said she couldn't that day. This girl was talking crap about her for that. I defended her and said so NO is never an option?! So now she's the bad guy? That's not right!
I bet that the Gma isn't being paid. I was expected to watch my gdaughters w/o pay...10 hours a day....they both had great jobs...RN...I had rent and bills to pay. When I said something, instead of paying me, they put the kids in a nursery costing no telling how much....
NTA, you should only do what you want. I am 51 and I often take my grandchildren (4 years and 6 weeks old) to give my daughter a break when I am not working. I find it reinvigorates me and makes me happy after a long day. This is not true for everyone. I don't even need a reason. If I ever say, "no", I know it will be ok.
Wheither your parents like having you dump your kids off or not it's not right. A visit or a weekend to stay with grandpa & grandma is fine but dumping them off for the weekend each weekend?! With a 24 year old son & 10 year old twins (girl & boy) my folks said they raised their kids & that was that.i wish they more to do with their grandkids but it is what it is. That said I've been a single dad for the last 5 years, having kids most of thst time every other week by myself with a full time job. Suck it up wankers if you had kids play time/r&r is over. If you do drop the kids off just to go out on the town or on a date your a spoiled twat. This world has gotten so soft.. wtf
I can understand how she feels I gave worked and raised 6 kids .now my second youngest decided she did not like being a mother so I had to step in so my grandaughter who has just turned 7 would not go into foster care.i know have no friends and spend all my time worrying about picking get up on time play dates ect.i have had her for 4 years.so much for my retirement.my life sucks
She choose to have the child not you and yes being an active grandma is great but that doesn't mean you have to babysit ever weekend, I don't think your being unreasonable kids are hard work you've done your time and it's also now your time to you raised your kids there grown it's time for you to do what grandma wants to do aswell it's not fair for you.
NTA, especially since you aren't the one who knocked her up. You are not responsible for your daughter's poor life decisions.
No, but GMA raised daughter to believe it was ok to bed a man not committed to you and have babies out of wedlock or commitment. You reap what you raise. Society has made babies out of wedlock and as a result EVERYONE HAS SUFFERED AND LEFT TO PAY FOR IT. To includes taxpayers.
Load More Replies... A single mom can get a subsidy from social services to pay for childcare. Since it's the weekend, I'm sure she can snag a teenager or college student to babysit. It's unfair to take grandma's days off away from her. She's raised her kids and needs her weekends to relax!!!
Not if she works. It might be different if she was a stay at home grandmother. I'm 56 and work a full time job. I also have kids and they wear me out.
Oh darlin, you don't have to be a martyr. And some people do have that perception about grandmothers, but not when they work full time. Just tell your daughter you're exhausted and you just can't handle it. Period, end of story. Do not feel guilty. And keep in mind you are reaching that age of change, and that just wreaks havoc on women and can add to your exhaustion. Just flat out tell her why, and for the family that's guilting you, let the rest of the family make it their responsibility, not you.
When she ages and needs her daughter's help can the daughter tell her that she is just too tired to help?
Load More Replies... Oh yeah and the daughter should put the dad on child support also , this daughter of yours gotta get smart , dont let the dad walk out and not pay child support, grandma get your daughter to put that baby dad on child support...
To the grandma , its not your duty to care for the grandson , and If family members are trying to guilt trip you , then you go tell them , if they speak up again about it , then they should go and help your daughter, They wanna be in the business then those family members have time to talk they got time to help babysit then.. you stand your ground grandma ... You work , its your time ... I wish you well .. God bless
The daughter should take care of her offspring! She chose to have it. Her mother sounds exhausted as she should because she already went throught it and working full-time! No. It's not the mother job to be obligatedto take care of her grandchild just bc she a grandmother. Her daughter her mistake. I highly doubt this was a plan pregnancy. The mother has every right to feel the way she feel! I'm 28 and my mother is the same age as her mom 50. I don't have any kids nor want to too. I would hate to put that burden on my mother.
daughter needs to take care of her child, like putting him in daycare. I worked and did not ask my mom to watch my kids. She raised 4 of her own and should not be expected to raise mine. Daughter is very selfish. I too was a single mom and there are others that can take care of the child, but they won't do it for free. She should not have expected to watch her grandchild. She needs her weekends off just to keep her sanity. Mom needs to be able to relax too. Maybe the other relatives should divvy up and trade weekends. That way Mom is free from watching him at all.
So... the mother works all week and weekends too? When does she spend time with her baby? Sounds like grama is with baby more than mom. So uh, no. I have 14 grandchildren. I'm the "Sugar Grama." I am definitely not the "babysitter." My children don't ask me to babysit, and that allows me the freedom to offer... for a night out for the parents to be appreciated and while I live up to my reputation for spoiling the kids silly and then sending them home. That's being a grama. My advice: spoil that kid so bad mom will run the other way.
Grandma is NTA. She is trying to put boundaries on her time and energy and is being guilted over it? No way. Every parent is responsible for their children and childcare. No one should feel obligated to watch their own grandchildren for free. Daughter needs to understand that if she chose to have this child, then she must deal with the struggles that come with it. Helping out is fine every once in a while but it should be done voluntarily and communicate or discuss the details. I think open honest communication is lacking and respect is missing from the daughter/child's mom. Sounds like she's a bit entitled. Grandma needs to set these boundaries cuz no one has the right to manipulate you, your boundaries, and emotions. Like making you feel bad for doing or not doing something.
I am a single mom with 2 children, and the father is absent. When they were little, I paid $1300 a month on good childcare. Those years we were so poor! We lived with my father and I paid his mortgage. He did not take care of my kids. It was hard! Yet, they are 12 and 14 now and say those days were the best days of their lives. We had no leftover money. So, we did fun things like play soccer in the yard, go to parks (alot), went to spray pads, got involved at church with kids activities, played at McDonalds, hung out with friends. When they started school I got a job in the school as an aide. After school when we got home, I did child care/babysitting for women who worked nights. Did that for 3 yrs. I often worked 2 jobs and did not depend on the state. Children of single moms grow up and mature much faster than honestly they should have to. We had moved out on our own by then. The point is that if you want and need to, a single parent CAN make it on their own. You have just do it!
Cont. Thinking of yourself is not an option. I had 3-4 hrs sleep every night. I was and am still exhausted all of the time! The key is to get child support going and monitored by your state agency. If they miss paying (happened alot) the state would 1. Garnish the fathers wages or take lump sums out of the fathers bank account. It is so important. And yes, you can get family court forms at the courthouse and file a case yourself. Being a true single mom is the hardest thing in the world. But, the children did not choose this. Love your children! Get them involved in activities! Single moms - work your butts off! One day those children will grow up and know they are endlessly loved. And they will one day rise up and be so strong and wise as will you be! We are their rock! You may stumble, but you will not faint! Just put 1 foot in front of the other.
Load More Replies... Working more hours brings in more money and decreases the assistance she's getting from the government. It might not be worth while to work the extra hours. Besides, she's taking away precious time she should be spending with her child
People who have kids are 100% responsible. and no one else unless they become job/homeless, then social services should be involved. I know no one in my family would babysit for free. And neither would I.
It's a job. She should be paying you something, that you can turn around and farm it out to someone else. Is the pay significant enough for her, or only just a little since the sitting is free? Still, your time is yours. Don't be sucked into losing your golden time!
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She works hard. Not fair to pressure a 50 yr to work full time for free. She is not being selfish and should take time to enjoy herself. Not wanting to be around your grandkids wont kill you. I'm sure everyone feels exhausted because of their kids/grandiose at some point.
NTA, but Grandma is doing it wrong.... I was "Fun Uncle" for my nieces and nephew, and the trick is to get them to do the things you wanna do, and then cater to you LOL Let's lay down and watch a movie! Go get uncle a beer! Whoever picks up the living room fastest gets to pick dinner! Whoever takes the dog for the longest walk gets to play Playstation with me! Who wants to play in the hose and wash my car?!? 🤣🤣🤣
Im 60 in July and have my 5yrs old twin grandson every Saturday/sunday on my own,I love having them but I get really exhausted the next day, I work part time through the week as a hairdresser on my feet too. I want to help my daughter as I know how hard being a single mum is, as I had 2 babies under 1yrs old (Irish Twins) but she now expects it every weekend and Im suffering with back and joint issues too.. I dont feel like Im appreciated sometimes but that its my duty to help out as the father is not around to help...i just want to matter too. Im to scared to say no one weekend and feel guilty. I just wish my daughter would acknowledge that im getting older and say mum have a weekend off and do something for yourself.. Guess i need to just say no here and there.
The situation is difficult for grandmother and daughter. I can’t blame the daughter for asking for help and the grandmother for feeling too tired to offer weekend babysitting after working all week. If daughter lived at home, she wouldn’t have to pick up weekend shifts to cover expenses. Families should definitely work together to help each other and be considerate of limitations. Maybe grandma can manage one weekend to help daughter. And where does it say that once your child is grown, your job is done. Lol. Your job as a parent dies when you are in the ground. I was a single parent at 19 yrs old and my mother never offered to help. She had 7 children starting at the age of 16, so she wanted nothing to do with kids anymore. My daughter is now 21 and living her own life at college while working full time. I look forward to the day when she has babies so that I can babysit and make memories with them. Kids grow so fast and they are truly a blessing to have in your life.
WHAT a lot of truly unpleasant people there are out there. YOU decided to have kids, nobody MADE you, You should be more than happy to help rear your Grandkids. The one thing I TRULY resent missing out on was being near my own children and helping my Grandchildren grow up. I planned my life around Grandkids. IF you do NOT want to help with your grandchildren do NOT have children!!!
Babysit 3yo for one or two days isn't big deal 🤷🏻♀️ just saying...
You are really really lucky to have the opportunity to help with your grandson. My DH moved us just as my kids started having families, and I rarely get to see my Grandchildren :-(
Repeat after me: BOUNDARIES. They are healthy, they are not mean, they are necessary and everyone should set them.
She is blessed to have a mom who does this for her! My mom never did anything for my daughter or me, she passed on long ago, heavy drinker.. ... my wonderful grandma raised me and assisted when needed for my child but it was rare I ever asked,she raised me because her daughter legit dropped me at her door and said "nope,I can't " Its hard for moms and grams! my husband was always working which was also a blessing, but its lonely and difficult without extended family members or grams with big hearts to help. God bless all the moms and grandparents and great grandparents who love and help their children and grandchildren! You are all wonderful people ❤
I am in the same situation with my daughter. I have her handicap child living with me for 14 years and doesn't understand that I don't have the time or am to tired. She takes up a lot of my time. Now she stopped talking to me because I refused to watch her 2 young ones. I told I would watch one but not 2, so now she isn't talking. Life goes on.
No good deed goes unpunished. Move on and enjoy your life.
Load More Replies... Precisely why you don't lay down with people of that caliber, having babies out of wedlock. (Yes I know she could still end up a single mom and blah blah. But give yourself a fighting chance. ) That being said, I side with Grandma, but I would encourage her to try to make the sacrifice for the sake of the grandchild from time to time.
I'm 62 and I understand where this grandma is coming from. My 4yr old grandson keeps me on my toes. I go visit them usually for a week at a time. He's very demanding, I get in the floor and play with him, I watch him play games on his tablet, if I talk to anyone else he's right there and he'll stand in front of me and start talking to me so I'll stop talking to whom ever I was talking to. I'm seriously his becking call when I'm at their house and by the time I'm ready to leave and go back home I'm exhausted. I can relate to this grandma, I raised my two sons and I just don't have the patience for kids nor the energy and I no longer work. I have done a lot of babysitting for my grandbabies bec nobody helped me out when I had my kids and I was a single parent also and the dad wasn't in their lives either. This grandma isn't obligated to her daughter and I don't blame her for wanting her free time off work to be alone and unwind. She needs to talk to her daughter about how she feels.
Your daughter can find a job, working from *home on the weekends or any day she would like (especially on the computer). As well, she would save on gas. If she would be working on the phone, people expect to hear children in the background (since the pandemic). She is avoiding taking care of her child. I think you should have the choice of getting your grand, or *visiting him. (I definitely understand how you feel.) I commend the GMs of old, but I personally did not carry that gene of wanting to take care of grandkids after I've done my time with my own.
The expectation that family has to accommodate any parent is unacceptable. Yup, I said what I said 😉😉
So you all gonna open a daycare on the weekend then? You all keep saying it. But the fact is no daycare is open on the weekend. Did anyone even ask this grandma what she does at her job? Seriously sounds like an excuse to me. Even going as far as saying she had four kids so she's done. Come on people this woman don't care about her grandkid.
Guess what when you have a kid it’s your kid for life. Their f**k ups are your f**k ups. She needs help you help. I don’t feel sorry that you raised a kid that needs help.
Before the first of my siblings got married, our mom made sure to tell all of us (collectively and individually) that she would Not be a babysitting resource for her grandkids. She let us know up front, and none of us had any problem with it (she was a single mom who raised us six kids with no babysitting help from our father [before or after they divorced], her parents or anyone else, and she has medical issues). Some of my siblings babysit their grandkids occasionally, but never regularly. I am 56, have 2 jobs, I'm working on finishing my basement myself, and told my three kids (before anyone got married) the same thing. I was a single parent, too, and I'm just too tired to take care of babies or chase toddlers on my days off. I love to help out when I can, but my kids know not to use me as a free babysitter, either. OP is most definitely NTA!!!
Does the mother need to work extra? It sounded like it was for extra money, not 'to make all my bills'. If the work is extra, maybe right now she should spend the time with her child instead. I was a single mom too and sometimes we look at the finances so hard we overlook other things which are important - quality time with kids.
Ok Grandma, sit down and have a come to jesus meeting with your family. Let it be know that if you were fully retired things would be different, but you're not. Yes, you want to help out, But you need relief as well. Since gram works full time as well it's not fair for gram to have to loose out on her weekends off EVERY weekend. Let her pick out the weekend day (s) she IS going to be unavailable. She needs a weekend with the girls every so often as well. It's good you are trying to better yourself. Just don't shove everything on grandma. She has paid her dues.
As far as getting a lawyer to garnish wages that may work only if he is working. If the mother is already having a hard time making ends meet just imagine her coming up with a decent lawyer and to take time off work to deal with this. Being a single mom is tough already. Kids get sick so you have to take time off. On top of that so many other unforeseen circumstances and that makes the employer begin to get on your back and now you have to deal with getting a lawyer because the dad won’t be a present father and do his part.
I see most people commenting have kids. I hope everyone commenting has kids because it’s easy to throw around a bunch of solutions when you don’t have kids or have not experienced this yourself. Most weekend daycares are sketchy, unsafe or expensive as heck for a single parent. Hiring people to come into your home as well can be weird and unsafe as well. It’s so scary trying to work and keep your kid safe now adays. I mean look at all the childcare abuse, deaths etc. It most definitely is not the grandmothers job to watch her granddaughter while her mother picks up shifts on the weekends. It would be nice to have just one day of the week where the grandkids can spend with the grandparents/grandma. I’m not sure if it’s just me but I’ve noticed grandparents/grandkid relationships and the time being spent are close to non existent.
Just like the OP her and her daughter shouldn't of had kids....just as because your kid is grown doesn't mean you arent a parent anymore..and you shouldn't of had a kid with a loser. This is why people should hold off and practice safe sex when shacking up with random dudes every weekend, or random chicks. Actions have consequences
Most states have county wide programs to assist with child care. The caretakers are vetted and the homes are inspected. The county pays the babysitter and you pay the county -BASED INCOME. When I was raising my kids that program was invaluable. They do this for both daycare centers and home daycare programs. I truly understand being a tired 50 year old, however, I always try to help my kids find solutions.
Hello Grandma I'm fifty-two and I watch my daughter son during the week Monday through Friday while she works I do not do weekend I don't care what's going on I'm Grandma I love my grandson but my time is my time and that's it no more needs to be said you have to set boundaries I've raised two daughters so I do when I'm ready to do that's it
NTA. My mum still works( is just reaching retirement.) when I had my first child 4years ago, she did offer and babysit 1 morning a week for us on her days off, since then I have had a second child (2yo) and would not dream of asking her to have both as I know it is too much for her, and she has freely said this to me as well. It's not a problem they are my children and my responsibility the help was always appreciated but NEVER expected.
True, your daughter shouldn't take advantage. True you're done raising your own children. Your grandson is three. Your daughter is 27 and you're 50. So when you retire, if you retire, they'll be older too. It's a good thing you work for yourself and your dogs. I wonder how old your dog is or if your parents are still alive. Are they still active and in good health? I hope they have a great long term plan for themselves in case they can't take care of themselves.
I think this might just be a matter of miscommunication. Now if the grandma says hey, While I love you & my granddaughter, I'd really appreciate more time to myself. If there's still pushback, shame on daughter.
So... mom works all week and weekends too? When does she spend time with baby? Sounds like grama spends more time with baby than mom. I have 14 grandkids. My kids don't ask me to babysit. This enables me to offer to sit for a night out for the parents while I spoil the crap out of the kids and then send them home. I am the "Sugar Grama" and proud of it. I am definitely not the "babysitter." This is the way it's supposed to be. My advice: spoil that kid so bad his mother will run in the opposite direction in search of someone else to watch him for any length of time.
To be clear, I don't think she is the a*****e. She is completely right in the way she feels and how she lives her life. 50 is young though and humans are generwlly built to run and play be as active as always until we die. The reason it doesn't work is because humans are lazy eat terrible and have poor lifestyle habits. Like I said I fully support her. But blaming age especially at age 50 is silly. Just say no
It might help me decide if I knew what she was spending her money on. If she’s spending it going out with friend$ or buying junk then there’s no way I am giving up my weekends. I would limit the weekends to once a month.
While I am not babysitting every weekend like op, I can fully understand being exhausted at 50 yo. I love my 3 grandsons with all my heart and have had them every summer for the last 3 yrs for a month. This will be the 1st summer I've had all 3 as the baby was just too young to leave home for such an extended period of time (12, 9 and 5). Honestly, I know I will be exhausted, I have lupus and when stressed, have shingles outbreaks. I will just suck it up tho and make the most of it while I still can. Rant over
NTA You did your parenting you raised them taught them right from wrong. Your the grandparents that means you should be the one grandkids get excited to see, not expect to see. You need to say no or else say you will only do it every other weekend. As far other family members if they're so sure you should do the babysitting then they help could too. Sibling help each other out with babysitting all the time. If they are a two parent house hold there is plenty of help. Your daughter and the guy created the baby he needs to stand up to his responsibility. She needs to find the lawyers that help women get support from dead dads or call the court house and see what they advise and if they know lawyers who specializes in this situations. He's out having fun while the 2 of you are exhausted. She doesn't have to worry about him wanting in the child's life if he doesn't now he won't later.
Your job as a grandmother is to enjoy your grandchild when you want to. You have raised 4 kids and shouldn't have to be a weekend babysitter. Let your daughter know that your not in your 20's anymore and that you need to re-energized on the weekends so you can be ready for your full-time job come Monday. Have her place an babysitter wanted for the weekends.
Your adult child doesn’t get a vote in what you do any day of the week. She can ask, but that’s all.
She's got 3 other kids, why don't they alternate weekends? That way it would only be 1 weekend a month. But no, the grandmother is NA.
My mom would always help me. Not that I asked her so much. She loved playing with the kids. We still visit every week. But she was 70 when I got kids. She didn't have to work. I'm 52 now. Work full time and a baby in the weekend? No thanks. Sounds like her mom is a single mom too.
Grandmother does not mean babysitter. My nephew an his gf have two kids an basically dump them on my brother an his gf lots of weekends so they can spend time w their friends. It's tough. I hate seeing the little ones weekends w their parents basically given away. But it's not my call. My brother says he has stuff he wants to get done too and loves his grandkids, but he's older than I am an I can see he likes his quiet times too. The gf of his likes playing grandma an it's fine. But now it's like I don't get invited to my brother house or texts w kids photos or anything from nephew or his gf. Or my brother gf. So they kinda shut me my mom an sister out of it all. Fine I suppose cuz my brother does come by once a week an we talk an hang out. But it's deff drama land over there.
Since when is a woman whose ex is still "in the picture" (to any degree) NOT considered a single mom? That is incredibly insulting.
You suck grandma. You didn't do a good job as a mother and now you're also failing as a grandma. You didn't raise your kids to love each other enough so that they could rely on each other. None of us can make it alone. You're NEVER done raising your kids. It's not a 9-5 job. You are selfish. You also have every right to complain and want your freedom. It comes down to what you can live with. Choose. But don't lie to yourself about the kind of person you are.
What an idiot you are. Nasty thing. You need to crawl back under your rock.
Load More Replies... She had sex with a man, she got pregnant so stay with the father. He must have meant something to her or else she wouldn't of sex with him and gotten pregnant. Women are to quick to leave their man especially when they are pregnant, It's not good. I got my girlfriend pregnant Dec.2019. We planned it and she had been longing for a child for a long time but, we were to busy enjoying ourselves traveling all the time since June 2009 when we started our relationship. I was 46 and she was 22. Now, as we speak our baby is 19mos old and I will be 59 next month and she is 35. I work 3 days a week and I help her with the baby the other 4 days and does online courses towards getting her 4year degree in health information management so that's our arrangement right now. Her parents are too old 72yrs old with many health problems and my mom will be 84 in June and is full of Dementia and Alzheimer's and is 100% care dependent and my dad passed away 36yrs ago. So we are on our own and have to stay together and raise our child.
Disgusting when the other parent takes no accountability. I don’t think this grandmother should help out every weekend as she’d obviously start to resent her daughter but I do think the grandmother should try to help out at times because that’s what family does. Ultimately it would be preferable if other family members could help too so one member isn’t doing the majority of the required help. What about the grandfather, brother, sister, aunt, uncle, cousin, etc.? Paying for a babysitter would be best but they are extremely expensive these days where there’s no point in working for some so end up really poor and sick trying to raise children. In this day and age, it takes help from others to make it because the cost of living is stupid but everyone often needs help. There should be some give and take. Doesn’t need to be even but paying favors back is how relationships work. And a time limit to the favor that’s agreed upon. Sounds like there’s a big communication issue here too.
look at the reality of it tho, as much as i'm sure she doesn't want to. non of this would even b an issue if the grandmother had kept her legs closed too. just because yer old & tired doesn't mean that yer responsibilities end as a parent, unless you r physically/mentally incapable you unfortunately have an obligation because YOU brought HER into this world. think very very carefully ppl. but hey even sometimes when you do think carefully you get caught up in the rat races of life & s**t happens. that's why plan b & abortions r good, not to say open up yer legs for ne & every1. also not demonizing ppl for doing those things because of own personal beliefs. some ppl know they shouldn't have kids but we r human & have desires but influences in the world do affect ppl.
there is the other problem of ppl wanting to have children even though they aren't fit, what do you do then? i'm sure as a young girl or younger woman she wanted kids & a family, the "dream" that most ppl get drilled into their heads as children. i'm glad it's becoming more normal for ppl to THINK before having children or deciding not too at all. I love my 2 boys dearly but our family history mentally on both sides & on his father's families side I don't feel like ne of us should have procreate. & as I look at the world I start to see that in the vast majority of ppl.
Load More Replies... Maybe gma could do every other weekend. GMA raised daughter to apparently be ok with having kids out of wedlock with no commitment from the man. I'm almost 60, work 50 hrs a week and watch my nieces son every other week because they were abandoned too. Family is supposed to help family. It's the me generation and after who have decided it's governments job.
Question for the grandma: If you daughter is doing her best to make it work, and now must hire a babysitter, are you okay not seeing your grandchild very much? I've been where she is and sometimes you need a little help, but I get not wanting to give up all your weekends but you kind of come off disinterested. If you won't help her, are you okay with her not helping you when you get old? It's a slippery slope but ou f my daughter ever has kids, I will watch them as much as I can.🙂
Well here is the thing is that the single mom may be so busy trying to figure everything out. She doesn't think of the toll that it is taking on her mom to watch her child. One thing is never take your help for granted she should try to give her mom a break. Another thing is the fact the father just up and left the picture.... childcare isn't always safe and affordable.
How come nobody ever reads about single fathers doing the same damn thing, it's a huge thing for men to take over that role when never in our history have been expected to fill that role in society.
I took my grandchildren (3 of them) from the age of three every holiday weekend, All Summer Long, and every chance I got. I drove 4 hours to get them. I would of taken them every night and weekends if I could. I am now raising 2 of them at 63. Would not choose anything different.
They still know their parents don’t want them, no matter how much you spoil them.
Load More Replies... ok this is my opinion....yes grandparents don't have to help with thier grandkids but should but remember your only a few years away from a nursing home and your kids don't have to take care of you when that time comes there's people that make it thier job so why should this burden fall to the kids.... so i hope the daughter chucks you in the worse one she can find and never comes to visit and you look back on this post and know why
50 year old is too old to watch children. Why nature invented menopause.
Load More Replies... Grandma, at 50 you should not be exhausted. Go to your doctor, be sure you are getting protein, carbs...good sleep through the week.
Birth control??? Anybody???? No??? OK, then I guess just keep having kids you can't afford with deadbeat men, and expect everyone else to support them. Oh, and NTA.
No. Kids = victim mentality and government handouts.
Load More Replies... Cant believe some people are saying the daughter *chose* to have a kid as though the US isnt banning abortion right now. Also I doubt she *chose* to be a single parent.
Shut the f up Hudson all you do is victim blame on other bp articles
Load More Replies... You forget she's a GRANDMOTHER. She's older than her daughter, and you can't expect her to work 7 days a week. You just don't have that kind of energy anymore. Helping out is fine, like at max one weekend a month, and that would be very generous. In my opinion the other family members should step up, either by taking the child on weekends, or by supporting the mother financially. It its unfair to expect the grandmother to be the babysitter every weekend.
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