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Mom’s Brutally Honest Post Explains Why You Don’t Owe Strangers Candy For Sitting Next To Your Babies
We’ve all been on an airplane where some inconsolable baby just won’t stop crying. Some parents try to make it easier for their fellow passengers by handing out goodie bags as a pre-emptive apology, but one mom has written an honest article arguing against such a trend. “Every time I see one of these baggies go viral I am filled with rage,” wrote Cassie Murdoch for Mashable recently.
“These goody bags…send the message we should feel bad for having babies who act like babies. We shouldn’t.” Check out her full article below.
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Image credits: Lars Plougmann
This Friday, reddit user “Fe_Mike” posted a photo of gift baggy and a little note “written” by a three-month old with the comment, “Lady on the airplane just handed this to all of the rows around us. She now has an entire team of passengers ready to help.”
Image credits: Fe_Mike
“If this sounds familiar, it’s because these little handouts — usually filled with some candy and a set of ear plugs — have become a full-on viral trend. On the surface it’s a nice gesture, but as the mother of twin toddlers, every time I see one of these baggies go viral I am filled with rage. Other moms and dads I’ve talked to say the same thing. That’s not to say the individual parents who give these out are doing anything wrong. They’re just trying to be nice — a good instinct in these tense times,” writes Cassie.
Image credits: Juanmonino
“The cumulative effect, though, of these goody bags sweeping the feel-good internet is to build in the unrealistic expectation that the next time you board a plane and see someone holding a baby that person owes you a preemptive apology in the form of Tootsie Rolls. The thing about these goody bags that has rubbed many parents the wrong way from the start is that they send the message we should feel bad for having babies who act like babies. We shouldn’t.”
Image credits: Ninjashares
“If my child screams, it may annoy you. But there are a million ways adults can be equally annoying — and they should know better. I once spent a flight trapped next to a man who packed and consumed not one but three intensely smelly tuna sandwiches during the course of the trip. I did not receive a single goody bag for my suffering.”
Image credits: Radist
“Surviving air travel with our sanity intact is hard enough for all of us, not just parents. But most people who fly with their kid have also dragged a car seat, a stroller, extra food and diapers, and approximate 9,000 tons of other miscellaneous supplies. The next time I wrestle my wriggling toddlers and all their crap onboard, I shouldn’t have to also stress that I failed to bring a dozen charming packages full of snacks for everyone around me.”
Image credits: gigantomachy
“We may not be handing you Instagram-worthy gifts, but the vast majority of parents are already going above and beyond to make sure our children don’t bother you during the flight. Trust me when I say, the most stressful part of traveling with a baby is not trying to clean up the inevitable poopsplosion in the minuscule aircraft lavatory during turbulence. It’s worrying non-stop for the entire journey that our child will become inconsolable and disrupt the trip of every passenger within shouting distance.”
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Michelle Brideau 8 years ago
These are a terrible idea. I'm an adult with no kids but I understand babies can't be reasoned with and they might cry on a flight. I'm grownup enough not to need a goody bag to be pacified. I do have issues with parents who are oblivious to their children's ill behaviour and resent having to ask a child behind me to stop kicking my chair but I will, nicely, if I have to.
Daria B 8 years ago
I like your reply. It's rational, honest, unpretentious, practical. I wish I could upvote it to the top.
Load More Replies...
LizzyM 8 years ago
It's not about apologizing for your baby acting like a baby, it's about being considerate to your fellow travellers who are stuck for hours in a small, crowded and confined space with your crying offspring.
Anisa Hadi 8 years ago
Yes it is the result... but I just think everybody paid the same amount of fee to purchase their ticket. So I find it rather unfair that some people get to sleep next to adults who are peaceful while some people have no choice but to tolerate next to screaming babies because they've got no absolute clue as to who they'll be seated next to when they picked their seats online. It takes two to tolerate, good adults wouldn't complain and would tolerate the best that they could when seated next to a crying baby although I can tell you that this isn't very easy at all! So as a parent, you could at least appreciate their tolerance. Yes I'd be annoyed If I get seated next to a baby but being an honest person, I would at least feel much more appreciated if the parents go the extra mile by handing ear plugs for example. I'd consider them respectful and well-prepared set of parents, and in return, this also improves my level of tolerance as a person.
Load More Replies...
Stephanie Hutner 8 years ago
I see the point of this, but it doesn't change how I feel about screaming kids.Especially when the adult isn't doing a damn thing to calm it
Juan 8 years ago
Moms, you are right. You should not feel obliged to hand out goodiebags. You should probably just consider, if it is f*****g necessary to constantly fly around the world with your babies and annoy thw hell out of most people around you. And dont you pull the "im a mom and its so stressful.. My. Life is hell" - card. Nobody forced you to have babies. On my last business-flights i had at least 3, sometimes 16! Babies on the plane.. Most of them crying, which is understabdable. Nonetheless... Fuckn annoying.
Nyree Huh 8 years ago
I agree with you fully, I hate it when parents feel entitled because they have children or that makes them special somehow. No one forced you to have the kids so get off your high horse as if you are doing something special (most of humans who have existed until this moments have been parents, nothing special about it) or a favor to the world.
Load More Replies...
Cassie 8 years ago
The only time I have a problem with a child on a plane is if the adult responsible for the child is being a d**k, either by not doing something for or about the child or just being a bad adult in general. I was once on a flight where a woman put her kid in my husband's lap after take off and the kid just wallowed over my husband for the entire flight. On another flight, a young girl with a tablet watching movies without headphones kicked the back of my seat the whole flight. Mom was right there not saying a word to her child for poor behavior. I don't blame the kids. I blame crappy parents and I don't need a bag of candy to make up for it. Just be a good parent and most adults will understand when certain behaviors like a baby crying just can't be helped.
Polly Kocheva 8 years ago
I think planes should just have a separate sound-proof baby section.
Daniel Arendzen 8 years ago
Pffff "Goodiebags"... it's the first time I heard about it, now, here, seeing this post. Life is not facebook, life is not always to be liked, life is not fair. S**t happens. Just stepped out of a long haul plane and on both flights were crying babies and toddlers. Their mental capability and patience to what is happening to them is smaller than a nutshell and then blaming parents they don't have some form of "compensation"? Mass transport - the word itself self-explains it all already. For the kid itself it's no fun either, so instead of being self-centered looking at our own belly button self pitying that we have a horrible 12 hours (which is nothing relative to time at destination or before flying) we also can show compassion to the parents and the kid itself. Why don't all passengers bring goodiebags with them to give to crying toddlers/babies/their parents to say - hey, it's difficult for you too, here have some goodies for the kid, enjoy and make the best out of it!
Nana 8 years ago
Ever been on multiple flights 12h+ and had a screaming baby on it? I think the goodiebags are a nice way of telling people you know it's not such a pleasure and making them doesn't cost endless hours. For a two h flight I wouldn't care at all but anything that goes over 6h and includes constantly screaming babies is a strain.
Load More Replies...
Amelie Lysell 8 years ago
I agree that they don't have to do it but it is a nice gesture to do. I got one during a ten hour flight and it made me a little happier and it can also serve as a warning that a child may be a little fuzzy. Else the child can just start screaming and it would annoy the passengers because they may not have known there was a baby with slight temper on board. With the bags, you get the hint maybe before the baby starts to cry. And if anyone says that I will understand when I have a kid.... Jokes on you. I don't want kids. A screaming baby on a plane may be one thing but I don't want to deal with one myself
Dominique Sinclair 8 years ago
I don't have kids, but I udnerstand that when babies cry it generally isn't their fault. They are....well babies...and they can't understand why their ears hurt, or help but cry when they can't sleep in this environment. My issue is always more with inconsiderate, often childless, adults around me on a plane. Why don't I get some sweets from the person in front ramming their chair into my shins? Or the person next to me who keeps their light on the entire flight, or the couple across the aisle talking so loudly I can't sleep? They are being just as inconsiderate, if not more because they should be able to control themselves and know better! But I don't get anything other than dirty looks from them!
Nicola Hermitage 8 years ago
Errrrrm, we all know sitting next to a screaming child is annoying. We all know that it's a likely event on a plane. Here's a thing though, if it's a likely event why aren't more adults packing their own bloody earplugs/ headphones. I don't see why that has to be the parents job to look after a full grown adult who should have been prepared in that eventuality.
IdilS 8 years ago
I've been in many flights where no earplugs/loud music could stop hearing a toddler screaming. No one's paying to be tortured for hours.
Load More Replies...
Michelle Brideau 8 years ago
These are a terrible idea. I'm an adult with no kids but I understand babies can't be reasoned with and they might cry on a flight. I'm grownup enough not to need a goody bag to be pacified. I do have issues with parents who are oblivious to their children's ill behaviour and resent having to ask a child behind me to stop kicking my chair but I will, nicely, if I have to.
Daria B 8 years ago
I like your reply. It's rational, honest, unpretentious, practical. I wish I could upvote it to the top.
Load More Replies... LizzyM 8 years ago
It's not about apologizing for your baby acting like a baby, it's about being considerate to your fellow travellers who are stuck for hours in a small, crowded and confined space with your crying offspring.
Anisa Hadi 8 years ago
Yes it is the result... but I just think everybody paid the same amount of fee to purchase their ticket. So I find it rather unfair that some people get to sleep next to adults who are peaceful while some people have no choice but to tolerate next to screaming babies because they've got no absolute clue as to who they'll be seated next to when they picked their seats online. It takes two to tolerate, good adults wouldn't complain and would tolerate the best that they could when seated next to a crying baby although I can tell you that this isn't very easy at all! So as a parent, you could at least appreciate their tolerance. Yes I'd be annoyed If I get seated next to a baby but being an honest person, I would at least feel much more appreciated if the parents go the extra mile by handing ear plugs for example. I'd consider them respectful and well-prepared set of parents, and in return, this also improves my level of tolerance as a person.
Load More Replies... Stephanie Hutner 8 years ago
I see the point of this, but it doesn't change how I feel about screaming kids.Especially when the adult isn't doing a damn thing to calm it
Juan 8 years ago
Moms, you are right. You should not feel obliged to hand out goodiebags. You should probably just consider, if it is f*****g necessary to constantly fly around the world with your babies and annoy thw hell out of most people around you. And dont you pull the "im a mom and its so stressful.. My. Life is hell" - card. Nobody forced you to have babies. On my last business-flights i had at least 3, sometimes 16! Babies on the plane.. Most of them crying, which is understabdable. Nonetheless... Fuckn annoying.
Nyree Huh 8 years ago
I agree with you fully, I hate it when parents feel entitled because they have children or that makes them special somehow. No one forced you to have the kids so get off your high horse as if you are doing something special (most of humans who have existed until this moments have been parents, nothing special about it) or a favor to the world.
Load More Replies... Cassie 8 years ago
The only time I have a problem with a child on a plane is if the adult responsible for the child is being a d**k, either by not doing something for or about the child or just being a bad adult in general. I was once on a flight where a woman put her kid in my husband's lap after take off and the kid just wallowed over my husband for the entire flight. On another flight, a young girl with a tablet watching movies without headphones kicked the back of my seat the whole flight. Mom was right there not saying a word to her child for poor behavior. I don't blame the kids. I blame crappy parents and I don't need a bag of candy to make up for it. Just be a good parent and most adults will understand when certain behaviors like a baby crying just can't be helped.
Polly Kocheva 8 years ago
I think planes should just have a separate sound-proof baby section.
Daniel Arendzen 8 years ago
Pffff "Goodiebags"... it's the first time I heard about it, now, here, seeing this post. Life is not facebook, life is not always to be liked, life is not fair. S**t happens. Just stepped out of a long haul plane and on both flights were crying babies and toddlers. Their mental capability and patience to what is happening to them is smaller than a nutshell and then blaming parents they don't have some form of "compensation"? Mass transport - the word itself self-explains it all already. For the kid itself it's no fun either, so instead of being self-centered looking at our own belly button self pitying that we have a horrible 12 hours (which is nothing relative to time at destination or before flying) we also can show compassion to the parents and the kid itself. Why don't all passengers bring goodiebags with them to give to crying toddlers/babies/their parents to say - hey, it's difficult for you too, here have some goodies for the kid, enjoy and make the best out of it!
Nana 8 years ago
Ever been on multiple flights 12h+ and had a screaming baby on it? I think the goodiebags are a nice way of telling people you know it's not such a pleasure and making them doesn't cost endless hours. For a two h flight I wouldn't care at all but anything that goes over 6h and includes constantly screaming babies is a strain.
Load More Replies... Amelie Lysell 8 years ago
I agree that they don't have to do it but it is a nice gesture to do. I got one during a ten hour flight and it made me a little happier and it can also serve as a warning that a child may be a little fuzzy. Else the child can just start screaming and it would annoy the passengers because they may not have known there was a baby with slight temper on board. With the bags, you get the hint maybe before the baby starts to cry. And if anyone says that I will understand when I have a kid.... Jokes on you. I don't want kids. A screaming baby on a plane may be one thing but I don't want to deal with one myself
Dominique Sinclair 8 years ago
I don't have kids, but I udnerstand that when babies cry it generally isn't their fault. They are....well babies...and they can't understand why their ears hurt, or help but cry when they can't sleep in this environment. My issue is always more with inconsiderate, often childless, adults around me on a plane. Why don't I get some sweets from the person in front ramming their chair into my shins? Or the person next to me who keeps their light on the entire flight, or the couple across the aisle talking so loudly I can't sleep? They are being just as inconsiderate, if not more because they should be able to control themselves and know better! But I don't get anything other than dirty looks from them!
Nicola Hermitage 8 years ago
Errrrrm, we all know sitting next to a screaming child is annoying. We all know that it's a likely event on a plane. Here's a thing though, if it's a likely event why aren't more adults packing their own bloody earplugs/ headphones. I don't see why that has to be the parents job to look after a full grown adult who should have been prepared in that eventuality.
IdilS 8 years ago
I've been in many flights where no earplugs/loud music could stop hearing a toddler screaming. No one's paying to be tortured for hours.
Load More Replies...
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