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There is something fundamentally human about making a variety of mistakes, big and small, while dating. That's probably why most of our romantic endeavors aren't actually success stories. (I mean, if they were, we would have no trouble finding someone to spend the rest of our lives with, right?) So if we judged even the slightest slip-ups our matches made, I think we'd end up alone, with only our sour memories to keep us company.
The tricky part is finding the balance between the words and behaviors we can turn a blind eye to and the ones we should not tolerate. Luckily, there's a Reddit post that might give us a better idea of locating that line.
Created by user HorizontalInterrupt, it asked "Women who gave the 'creep' a chance, how did it go?" The post's comment section is full of personal experiences, listing the many red flags you might want to take notice of.
However, I also feel like it's important to point out that this publication doesn't mean that all men are evil and you should avoid going out with them. All people have the capacity to do good but, sadly, all are capable of bad things as well. The best we can hope for is that our moral compass will eventually lead us to those we can at least trust.
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#1
There was a guy that came into my work (restaurant) a few times a week for lunch. He did this for a little over a month so he became a regular. He had asked me out every time I brought his bill. He always asked in a lighthearted way and never seemed upset or anything when I turned him down. I assumed that after the first few asks, he maybe thought of it as more of an inside joke at that point. Like he was just asking now to make light of the previous rejections and to make it less awkward or something. He always gave me weird vibes but seemed nice enough so I thought I might have just been making assumptions because of his appearance and wasn't being fair. One time that he asked, I decided randomly to agree and give him a shot. *"why not"* I thought. He was always super kind and I had gotten rather used to the awkwardness I felt being around him. He seemed so excited and I asked him to leave his number on the receipt and I would call/text him when I wasn't busy to set something up. So it wasn't really much of a joke to keep asking me out, I mostly figured that though tbh. A few days later I hadn't text him yet to set anything up or even give him my number and I get a text only a few min after walking into my house after I got home from work. It said, "hey! It's ***** from ***** ******. I know it's a long shot but I'm free tonight and bored, wanna hang out? If you're free that is!" I asked him how he got my number. He said I gave it to him the night I agreed. I absolutely know I didn't. I got really creeped out but decided not to confront him about it and just play like I'm a ditz and believed that "I must have done that, I just didn't remember because it was busy." I told him that I wasn't free to hang out that night, that I was going to be working later to help cover a shift and then would be pretty pooped by the time I was off (I only ever saw him come in for lunch not ever dinner shifts). A few minutes passed before he responded. He said, "why are you lying to me?". I just responded with "what? Lol". He said, "I know you are home. If you didn't want to hang out tonight you could have just said so." Alarm bells rang in my head. I thought, *there's no way he's outside my house. He is just trying to call my bluff. Creepy but not a full blown stalker.* But I felt exposed. I felt the crawling on my skin that only burns into you when someone is staring at you. The vulnerable pulses that are felt only by prey. I looked out through the blinds of my bedroom and he was parked right outside my house. I could see his face lit up by the phone screen. He was so close. I texted him and said, "ahaha you caught me! How did you know I was bluffing? I'm sorry. I do want to hang out soon I'm just not feeling up to it tonight." And called 911. The police showed up and went up to his car and talked to him for a bit. He drove away a few minutes later and then the officers came to my door. They told me that they acted like a random neighbor complained about a strange car. They didn't implicate anyone but made it seem like it was an older person, so probably not me. They took his plate information but asked him politely to move so he didn't upset anyone in the neighborhood and he complied. I went to my friends house that night and filed a restraining order the next morning. I later found out that he most likely got my number from the shift sheet behind the hostess counter, because several co workers had seen him (at different times) snooping back there and kindly stopped him. He, I guess, grabbed a roll of silverware claiming that the server hadn't left him any and he didn't want to bother anyone because he knew they were busy so just grabbed it himself. This stopped anyone from suspecting him of anything odd. And that his car had been parked at my house almost every night (neighbors security camera). I don't know how he got my address but I assume he must have followed me. He must have been full on stalking me for a while. He did come into my work a day or two later for lunch acting like everything was normal. I immediately went and got my manager and she informed him that he had a restraining order against him preventing him from eating there because he would be in violation of it. I had already changed my phone number so I don't know if he tried to text me and I didn't sleep at my house for weeks, but I never saw him again after that. And I often find myself thinking back to that time and wondering how much more did he do and for how long that I don't know about. Like, maybe he stalked me long before he started coming into the restaurant, and only started coming in there because he felt "more brave" than before to interact with me. How much of my private moments throughout my life were actually not private? Also, I have never once stopped feeling scared that he might have still stalked me and knows where I am even now, but is keeping himself hidden. I doubt it, but the fear is still there. I have never felt comfortable being alone. Ever. Most of this would have still probably happened even if I didn't agree to give him a chance. But if he hadn't slipped up about having my phone number when he shouldn't, I would have gone out somewhere with him and who knows how badly that could have ended. **IF YOUR GUT FEELING TELLS YOU HE'S A CREEP THEN HE IS MOST DEFINITELY A CREEP! DON'T LET THE "NICE GUYS" GUILT TRIP AND GASLIGHT YOU INTO DOUBTING YOUR OWN INTUITION WITH THEIR NARRATIVE!**
APL 3 years ago
"The vulnerable pulses that are felt only by prey" - I know it's off-topic, but this woman can *write*.
Alienking06 3 years ago
I agree, some of the language used was very descriptive and creative!
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Fitz_N_Fartz 3 years ago
First impressions tend to be predominantly correct. I raised my daughter by telling her is is always yes or no, anything in between, a 'maybe', or a 'I don't know' is still a no.
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 3 years ago
Thats gave me the kind of chill that you feel from head to toe. Poor girl it's totally traumatized.
deanna woods 3 years ago
The police really came through for this young lady. I am glad that they used the annoyed neighbor excuse. Otherwise, things could have gotten bad if he realized it was her.
Memere 3 years ago
One of the OP's points really sticks out for me - the fact that personal contact info for all the restaurant employees is easily accessible by customers. That's a HUGE NO - any & all employee info should be kept in the back office, or at the very least, locked in the cash drawer if it has to be in the front of the restaurant.
lakitha tolbert 3 years ago
They count on this! Predators rely on you wanting to be nice, or not make a scene, or give a guy a chance, or not being a b***h. Don’t follow the script in their heads.
Jenny Michelle 3 years ago
If anything I would have assumed he would have gone to the restaurant to see she wasn't working that night .. I wouldn't instantly think he was outside the home figuring she wasn't at work.
ToGo 3 years ago
And you would have been wrong! Just shows you how important it is to follow your gut feeling.
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#2
A few years ago, I went to a brewery to meet a guy on a date for the first time. The waiter began a conversation and asked me if I was expecting anyone else. I told him I was on a blind date and hadn't met the guy before. The waiter asked me if I wanted to set up a code word. Since they didn't serve milk stouts, if I ordered one from him, he would know something is up and would call me back to have me sign the receipt instead. The waiter kept checking on me frequently... Eventually, I did order a milk stout... when it came time for the bill, I asked for it to be split. My date put his drinks on my bill. When the waiter came back, he told me he had the drinks removed; it was on the house. When my date asked me what that was all about, I told him the waiter had told me there was something wrong with my card, so I needed to go to bar with him. I waited awhile and then left for my car. The date was still there. He made a comment about how he was waiting for a good bye hug. I told him, no thank you and that my car was in the opposite direction. Moments later, he sent me horrendous text messages. ..and thank you, John. You may have saved my life that day.
Summer Mason 3 years ago
Im kinda giggling cause I ended up on a date i didn't like the guy but liked the server. Ended up dating the server for a few months instead.
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Qibli of the SandWings 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah, i kind of want to know as well. My probable guess would’ve been that he was sending unsolicited d pics
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no thoughts, just frog 3 years ago
Probably unsolicited pictures of his... yknow
Load More Replies... #3
On our first date I ordered a beer. It came to the table super frothy. I was distracted for a moment but when I looked at it again there were very clear “drip” marks in the foam like something had been dropped in it. I made up some excuse about not feeling well and got out of there.
Oops! Can’t leave. My dumb**s drove and my car was valeted. I, VERY uncomfortably, got the car from valet and we both got in. He asked me to stop at a gas station so he could buy smokes on the way. Thank god because I knew going to his house was not a good idea. As soon as he got out at the station I peeled out and left him there. I never should have let him in my car, but I panicked. I didn’t know what he was capable of.
This was 15+ years ago. I’m now happily married to the best thing that ever happened to me.
stacyh 3 years ago
Yes the guy who attempted to drug her was incredibly rude.
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#4
He showed up to my house without telling me beforehand and demanded a kiss before he left. He kissed with his eyes open and had cold, dead eyes. He was also a self proclaimed nazi and told me “I don’t like black people, but you’re okay.”
This was in high school so luckily I learned fast to trust my gut when it came to guys.
Charlotte 3 years ago
“I don’t like black people, but you’re okay.” Girl, yikes. BIG YIKES. HUGE.
anthony moring 3 years ago
This is the biggest red flag I've ever seen. "I don't like black people, but you're okay."
#5
Went on a first date for just drinks with a guy, and red flags were immediate. Didn’t look anything like his profile, and got handsy almost as soon as we sat down. I wasn’t into him at all, but we had a shared interest in horror novels, so I decided to extend the date into dinner. During dinner, he drank several Old Fashions while I nursed a single beer. He then told me he thought we were soulmates, and he thought we were going to fall in love. He also told me his ex-girlfriend was going to get an abortion the next day.
At the end of the date, his portion of the bill was significantly more than my portion because of all his drinks, but he asked me to pay half, which I did. On top of that, he gave me s**t for driving to the date even though it was only a mile from my house (I didn’t want to walk in hot weather in my nice date dress and I had twisted my ankle earlier that week). But even after giving me s**t for driving, he asked me to give him a lift home. Which I did.
Once we were in front of his place, he refused to get out of my car unless I went inside with him for a night cap. I said absolutely not. He begged me to just enjoy a drink on his front porch. I said no. I told him to get out of my car. He finally did.
The next day, he texted me telling me that was the best date he’d ever had and he couldn’t wait to see me again. I told him no thank you, and walked away with one lesson learned: I need to just say no from the beginning.
Seabeast 3 years ago
He got her to pay for all his drinks, so I guess that was his definition of a good date.
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Kel_how 3 years ago
Don't ever be afraid to be rude when your safety is in jeopardy. Actually, just don't be afraid to be rude; sometimes it's just necessary.
HotDog Water 3 years ago (edited)
exactly. i had to literally run away from a guy & jump in a taxi & this was around 11am in the city center. i said "nope" after he tried to "as a joke haha" push me into in coming traffic & ran. no regrets.
Load More Replies... Jacob Erickson 3 years ago
If that was his best date, that's probably the closest he's gotten to getting the girl to come inside.
#6
At the end of a weird and terrible date, he asked me for a hug as I was turning to leave. I thought, "whatever gets this over with." As I was pulling away, he forcibly grabbed the back of my head and shoved his tongue in my mouth before I was able to break free. The next morning I had a three page email in my inbox telling me all the things that are wrong with me and why he is not interested in a second date.
KJ 3 years ago
Oh no, what a shame he doesn't want a second date, I hope they got over the heartbreak.
Jon Steensen 3 years ago
When he forces his tongue into you mouth, you have the right to bite it!
Paul Brody 3 years ago
That right there is sexual assault. Wonder what's gonna get censored... sexual or assault.
Dragonmonkey17 3 years ago
I bit a guy who tried to shove his tongue in my mouth. It was really a reflex reaction. I also bit a guy's finger when he shoved it in my face. I think I need a warning label. Warning: Do not shove any unwanted body part in her face. She bites.
Paul Davis 3 years ago (edited)
I say file a report for assault even if you're not pressing charges, to make sure the police have a record of the complaint in case he becomes a suspect in a later rape or murder.
Lori-anne Hershberg 3 years ago (edited)
UGH!!! I WOULD'VE GONE TO A DOC ASAP TO MAKE SURE I DIDN'T CATCH SOMETHING! That's also assault, and I would've pressed charges.
Mandy Delaforce (PC Girl) 3 years ago
I would have got a visit from the police for punching him in the goolies, instead of an email....
#7
After a few dates he started to get way too serious. I told him calmly and honestly that I wasn't ready for a serious relationship and he deserved to be with someone who was. He completely flipped s**t and after a bit of name calling I stood up and started to leave the bar. He then said "you should watch yourself in the future. Especially when getting into your car..."
I was extremely paranoid for months after. Would check my backseat and under my vehicle. Never saw him again so just an empty threat, but not a fun time. That was like 15 years ago. Yeah he's still single.
Caro Caro 3 years ago
I would have called the cops on him. This is a serious threat and he's a nut case!
Carbonx 3 years ago
Call the cops..all he would have to say is I didn't say that..! He didn't touch her or stalk her..so that's hearsay.. not saying it's right but cops aren't gonna do anything
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Issey 3 years ago
Oh god the "watch yourself" line. Some dude in a bar who I was not interested in didn't like the "no" for an answer and tried that with me. I panicked, but thank god a woman at the table next to ours leaned over and asked "was that a thread? Were you threatening her? Just making sure so that we are all clear what I'll call the police for." It didn't solve all problems like in some movie, but it was enough distraction for me to get the hell out of there.
Denise Lewis 3 years ago
if it was 15 years ago how do you know he is still single? are you keeping some kind of tabs on him?
Thomasin Grace 3 years ago
Everyone should watch themselves getting into their cars. This is wonderful advice. Could be someone in the back seat.
BasedWang12 3 years ago
though this is true and I agree, I understand why this comment was downvoted on this specific post. It wasn't from me either my guy
Load More Replies... #8
The dude in the flat across from mine started off as a really nice guy. Introduced himself, offered meals when he'd cooked too much. Just a great guy all round.
Within a few weeks, it was made clear that he was an alcoholic.
I have a recovering brother, so I really sympathised with him. I went out of my way to sit with him, and eventually called him an ambulance when he fitted from withdrawals (UK, so calling an ambulance is free). This carried on for a little while, with me sitting with him two or three times a week, waiting for an ambulance.
One night after he started fitting, he kept grabbing my breasts. I was already on the phone to the ambulance service, but the woman heard me telling him to stop and sent police as well.
He was carted off, and just like usual, I grabbed his keys and told him to knock for them the next morning.
Well, the nrxt time I looked after him, the groping got worse. And then slowly so did my life.
Suddenly I had fires set outside my windows, and mutilated rat corpses left on my door step.
The police were called after every incident, and I got to know one policeman who was put on my case really well. He suggested I put up cameras, so I did.
There was footage of the neighbour standing outside in the yard at 3am, just staring into my window, multiple nights in a row. Terrifying, but not illegal.
Well, two weeks after that, my neighbour snapped. There were builders in the garden next to ours, and they apparently woke him up at 4pm. He ran out with a kitchen knife and stabbed two of the builders and the neighbour's dog (everyone survived). He also slashed a whole bunch of tyres on our street.
When the police came to search the dude's flat, my policeman friend told me (off the books) that the neighbour had been faking being an alcoholic the entire time. He'd get in the ambulance, ride to,the hospital, and then check himself out and walk home.
Also, they found half a dozen decomposing rats in his bathtub
They'd been mutilated. They later found a bloody hammer under his bed.
You'd think him being arrested would be the end of it, but noooo. He put my name, picture, address, and telephone number on a prostitution site. I had men aggressively hounding me for sex multiple times an hour for two entire weeks before I just cut all ties and fled the city.
Last I heard, he was in jail for the GBH, but that was a few years ago now.
Yeah. Never gonna make the same mistake again.
Qibli of the SandWings 3 years ago (edited)
He stabbed two people. I’d say he is one 😬 (at least he attempted to be one)
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BasedWang12 3 years ago
thank you for this... I was thinkin she mispelled GHB
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Carol Emory 3 years ago
The problem with this situation too, it turns women into introverts. Even if they move somewhere else, they won't trust neighbors or strangers and will have a hard time trusting anyone. And men wonder why women won't give them a chance? Get these a**holes under control. You see them treating a woman like this, step in and do something!
Jp@nda 3 years ago
I'm sorry but how TF is staring into your windows in the middle of the night not a crime?
KatieCoxie 3 years ago
It is. It's harassment if it's causing her alarm and distress. And if he kept doing it he would have been nicked.
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Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Being a peeping Tom is not illegal in the UK? That’s generally a jumping off point to worse crimes, like rape and abduction. Cripes.
BasedWang12 3 years ago
if the person is on public property like a sidewalk or something then there isn't much you can do.
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#9
I bought him a coffee one time and we chatted about our music tastes. Three days later, I was sitting in my dorm and I got a text from him that was just a selfie. I sent one back and the conversation got really boring so I sent him a snap of a black screen. He responded, “are you in a dark place?” And I said “yeah lol”. His response was “well you’ll have to leave soon because you have class in (insert building with insert professor) at 6:00.”
I literally never told him anything about my classes so he just f*****g stalked me until he learned my entire schedule. It turns out he was a serial creep preying on freshman girls.
Stannous Flouride 3 years ago
He should have been reported to campus authorities. (I realize that as a college freshman she was probably pretty young and didn't want the hassle)
Mud spider 3 years ago
I memorize peoples schedules if they are suicidal, mentally sick, etc so that if something happens I know where they are. But I don’t ‘stalk’ them, or follow them or anything. I don’t think I’m a stalker. But if it’s a creepy thing, somebody please tell me :)
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
Depends on how close you are... It's creepy if you do it to a complete stranger, classmate or sth., it's kind of okay to know what your friends are doing...?
Load More Replies... #10
He tried negging me all night and when he asked me how many siblings I have, I told him and included the info that one passed away a few years prior. He asked me if I had killed my sibling.
If they give you the creeps, they're not worth a chance. Sorry, not sorry.
Seabeast 3 years ago
She should not have given him any information about her family. So many women are taught to be polite, to speak when spoken to and answer questions in situations when what they need to be doing is telling the person "None of your damn business. Go away."
GirlFriday 3 years ago
I always tell creeps about my siblings. I am the youngest of 13 and the only girl. That usually stops them in their tracks.
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El Dee 3 years ago
I had no idea about 'negging' These days with everything having a name it's clear the some behaviours that probably passed by unnoticed were completely unacceptable. Like many I have seen and been on the receiving end of negging but I didn't even realise. The 'Good Old Days' weren't - roll on the Good NEW Days..
Seabeast 3 years ago
Being insulting as a means to make a person feel that they should be humbly grateful for your attention. https://www.womenshealthmag.com/relationships/a39439243/negging-meaning/
Load More Replies... #11
He had terrible hygiene. I was 16, he was old enough to buy beer for my friends. He had a friend who had some sort of made up gang, who threatened to kill me if I ever left him. I stayed with him longer than I should have. He would follow me to school on the city bus and then walk around leering at women and pinching his nipples. I tried to break up with him and he bought me Looney Tunes jewelry and insisted we were engaged.
He finally had to go out of town for some family stuff and stayed gone for months, so I considered us broken up and I moved on. When he came back, he acted crazy. He would go to my job and follow me around and try to corner me in the bathroom.
His dad was the chief of police at a university and knew I was 16. My parents also knew about the relationship, I feel like some parent should have intervened to keep me from feeling trapped in that relationship.
Wonderful 3 years ago
I remember there was a guy in high school that would sit in his truck out in the parking lot at the school to hang out with everyone at the end of the school day. He was in his early 20’s and everyone thought he was soooooooo cool. He would go to all the parties, bring beer, cigs, weed, anything a 18-15 year old could want. Yea the real cool early 20’s guys aren’t hanging out with teenagers and sitting in school parking lots telling bad a*s stories and hitting on anything with legs. By the time I graduated a bunch of girls had restraining orders against him, stds, a girl from 8th grade became pregnant (her slightly older brother was his buddy), and he was in and out of county lockup. So his “golden time” thankfully came to a end for at least some people. I still can’t believe we thought he was so cool in the beginning. I’m 40 now and cringe at the grossness of it. Poor girl who got pregnant kept the baby and dropped out of school and he moved in with her family, it was messy
Suzanne Haigh 3 years ago
Did you actually tell them though about the problems you were having with him?
#12
This guy was handsome but way too into me for knowing nothing about me. It wasn’t like when we spoke I was an open book or felt a strong connection that would lead me to want to share info with him. This was not a “I feel like I’ve known this man forever” connection. I just thought this was normal dating but had a gut feeling something was off…he talked to me like I’d been his girlfriend for months. We went on 3 dates…never even had sex. After 3rd date I had made my decision based on our short time getting to know one another and let him know I had no interest in continuing to date and that I didn’t see us being compatible long term. He then locked me in his car, proceeded to ask if I wanted to move to California with him (wtf), and started crying/begging me to “work this out.” I tried to be very nice but it got to the point I was scared and wasn’t sure how this was going to go since he was virtually a STRANGER, so I hit his dashboard and said if he didn’t let me out of the car immediately I was calling the police. Then he threatened to kill himself if I didn’t spend the night with him at his house…I’d never even been to this man’s house. He finally let me out after like an hour or two but stayed in the parking lot of my apartment almost the entire night and called me non-stop…about a month later he texted me out of the blue a reaaaaaaally long paragraph apologizing profusely and saying if I ever change my mind to call him. I just said thanks for the apology and wished him well. Hope he’s doing okay but I wanted no part of that.
lenka 3 years ago
Another one where you should have pressed charges. This is deprivation of liberty and is a crime.
APL 3 years ago
Yep. Called "false imprisonment" in my country but still a crime.
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JuniorCJ82 3 years ago
Can someone please explain how people like this successfully call "non-stop"? Does number blocking not really work? I'm genuinely asking.
Wonderful 3 years ago
I’ve blocked calls and then 10 min later they call again from a “different” number. There’s a app you can use on your phone that will change your number and info to anything they want it to be.. mine weren’t creepy guys calling though just scammers. Well I take that back some of the scammers are creepy and threatening too.
Load More Replies... Mark Kelly 3 years ago
What do you mean he locked you in the car? Did he disable the locks so you couldn't open it yourself?
Katherine Boag 3 years ago
Id have broken the car window if there was anything to hand. This isnt idle talk either im a person that lashes out easily when i feel trapped. I know many people freeze instead.
#13
When I broke up with him, he took a giant s**t on the hood of my car a week later.....
Edit- please for the love of God stop with the amber heard jokes
NsG 3 years ago
Oh, I'm a bad person! These are horrific and absolutely terrifying stories, but that edit made me snort-laugh tea all over my keyboard!
Cory Tollman 3 years ago
Jeez, don't people read or watch "Christine". Nothing good comes from taking a dump on someone's car.
j miller 3 years ago
What make/model car is this in attached photo? Never seen anything like it. The rims are unbelievable!
#14
I got bad vibes from a guy. On our second date I had to cancel because my dog was sick and had to go to the vet. I told him I was sorry. He asked to meet me at the vet, I told him no but we could reschedule because I was really stressed out. He showed up anyway which was really weird but I didn’t think much of it even though I hadn’t told him which vet it was, but I was so focused on my dog I didn’t really register it beyond a fleeting thought. I didn’t want him there but he was and he tried to be supportive but I was panicking and I barely knew him and it was weird. I kind of ghosted him after because of the vibes. I don’t like to ghost but he sketched me out and guys like that don’t always take overt rejection well. A short while later he asked to go on another date, I told him no thanks and that I wasn’t interested. He said he was coming over to my house (he had picked me up for our first date. I know, I know). I told him I had moved, which was true. He said he was coming anyway, I was like wtf? No. How? I told him he was scaring me and not to bother. A few mins later I got a picture of my car. And my house. And my window. He had found my new house. Apparently Snapchat had a feature where it just… SHOWED people your EXACT location?? And he was just watching my movements over town? What an awful feature from an equally awful app. I told him that was weird and scary and I slept with a knife for weeks. F**k Snapchat.
Abrufal 3 years ago
It very clearly asks you if you want location on or off when you sign up .......just like ever other app that exists
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Micah 3 years ago
I'm not blaming her. This is more of a public service announcement. Make sure you look at the permissions for your apps before installing/using them. Also, when you visit sites, if you see a pop-up from the browser itself, make sure you read what it says and know how to decline. A lot of sites that really don't need it ask for your location.
#15
It’s been over a decade now and he’s still harassing me on every online platform he can find me on. He sends me incel memes about being rejected. Luckily we are not in the same city anymore (that I know of)
Party Poison 3 years ago
It's not. She could file for harassment and possibly a restraining order.
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#16
I walked in on him peeing in my washing machine after letting him in my home for some reason
Alexis minnix 3 years ago
Is it just me or does the brown clothing at the top look like a mix of an animal and a human.
anthony moring 3 years ago
Damn. I'm throwing this into my back pocket. If I ever go to a dinner party hosted by secret Nazi's I know how to leave my mark.
Keerthi Vardhan 3 years ago
Should have asked him what he had...I mean whatever he had is doing is outside the box of anything any normal things normal people usually have. Like even a full on drunk would know better.
#17
He got very obsessed with me, I had to be straight up rude to get him to leave me alone because he wouldn't understand when I asked nicely.
He later self harmed on his own wrists and went around telling people to ask me why he did that
Edit : might be relevant, but I was 17 and he was 26
Nemo 3 years ago (edited)
17 and 26 is relevant. If you're 17 dating an older guy might look cool. When you're 26 you know why this is wrong
ToGo 3 years ago
Absolutely. I "dated" a 29 year old when I was 17. It was horrendous. I'm 30 now, 17 is a kid to me. It makes my skin crawl thinking of it.
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Seabeast 3 years ago
When I was in my early 20s I looked a lot younger than my real age, especially when I decided to get my teeth straightened with braces. One night at a roller rink that I frequented, an older guy (mid 30s, by the look of him) started coming on to me and said "So, how are you enjoying school?" When I told him that I was 23 and working full time, he immediately lost interest. He wanted a teenager who'd be controllable and easily impressed.
anthony moring 3 years ago
I'm 26. I have a kid and another on the way. If a 26 year old man can find a 17 year old girl relatable that's the only red flag you need.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
You were still a minor and he was an adult. He could’ve been put on the predators registry.
Hobby Hopper 3 years ago
Every time I hear of a dude in his 20s dating a literal child, I have to wonder if it's because the women his age know better than to date him. Too harsh?
#18
He invited me to dinner with his friends. Well, his friends happened to be his entire family and they were already halfway through their meal when I arrived (on time).
Then, when I tried to excuse myself to leave, he insisted on following me out to the parking lot and physically would not let me get into my car. As I reached for the handle, he grabbed me by the face and stuck his tongue in my mouth.
This was easily 10 years ago and I still shudder thinking about it.
Dan Padgett 3 years ago
This is when you bite down and he finds out that doing c**p like that isn't ok.
Tina B 3 years ago
And that's when you get hit so hard your jaw is broken. Welcome to the real world, Dan.
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Ansi 3 years ago
What's with all these forced kisses. It might look hot in the context of a movie, but that's not real life. You can't grab a woman like she is the last cupcake on the dessert table and just take a bit. That's disgusting. That's a person. Don't do that.
MimSorensson 3 years ago
That was a fantastic parable! “Like she’s the last cupcake on the dessert table” - glorious. You, friend, have a way with words.
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Chaotic-Pansexual (she/they) 3 years ago
I agree with Dan. Anyone who is forcefully kissed should just bite down on the person’s tongue
#19
He was super touchy from the beginning and insisted on coming back to my dorm room on the first date even after I said I wasn’t comfortable with it. He was very controlling and demanded that I tell him what I was doing and who I was with even though I had only been on two dates with him. He constantly pushed my boundaries and on the third date he sexually assaulted me. I blocked him on all social media and his phone number. He looked up my class schedule and would wait outside my dorm entrance at 7:45am on the days he knew I had class in the morning, just to try and convince me to sleep with him. Thinking about it makes me sick. The red flags were blatant and I ignored them. I wish I could go back in time but alas I can’t. I’ve spent the last year and a half picking up the pieces from that night. Long story short is trust your gut- it’s always right.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
I am so sorry you were assaulted. I wish I could’ve been there to go all medieval on him for you.
katekat_1 3 years ago
Ill get a shovel and a garbage bag, if anyone knows where he lives
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Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Sorry that happened but know that you're not alone. And it may feel like forever before you can pick up all the pieces but it will come. Just know, regardless of what anyone may say or what you think, nothing was your fault. It's so easy to be hard on yourself saying you should've known better but that fear is a messed up thing that screws with your head. Try not to let it own you. It's horrible that it happened and hard as hell to get past but never let it define you and keep you from moving forward
Jp@nda 3 years ago
If you haven't already, and I know it's said alot but truly, please go to therapy and talk to someone. It doesn't have to be a psychologist, they have licensed counselors for this that with some time can really make a huge difference. Trust me, none of it was your fault, but you get to choose now how to live your future. Be strong, you've already made it through the hard part now it's time to heal.
Janet C 3 years ago
Why not file charges for rape? I swear we have GOT to stop raising girls to "be nice" and "just get along" because too many grown women don't want to "be mean"
Tishia partchey 3 years ago
Do you know how invasive a rape kit is? It's like being raped again. A victim has every right to make a decision not to file charges. This is victim blaming and is not appropriate
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Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
The unwanted/too much touching is a huge red flag for us to watch for. Luckily, it never escalated to stalking, but when I started undergrad, I was in a group of older/nontrad students (like me). One dude, despite knowing that I was in a relationship and living with my partner, started pushing boundaries, and the first one was the "just friendly!" touchy-feeling stuff. The "Where's my hug?" and "I'm just a big ol' teddy bear!" and the little shoulder squeezes and arm squeezes. On the first day of classes, a few of us were talking about how nervous we felt, and he gave my arm a little squeeze and went "You feel pretty good to me!" I gave him a weird look, like, WTF, dude? He just smiled and DID IT AGAIN. "Don't do that," I blurted, and moved away. From that moment on, I avoided the support group, and actively didn't take classes with the dude. I count myself lucky that it never escalated beyond that, but it was so clear that he was pushing to see if he could trample my boundaries.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
Glad you survived. Going through something like that is not easy. Know that there are people out there that have gone through similar situations and we know you will be ok.
Denise Lewis 3 years ago
why did you have three dates with him if he sketched you out from the first time you meet him?
#20
I had a bad vibe but my friend told me he was a “good guy.” So we went on a date and he asked to drive my car. He curbed my rims and talked about how he was fired unfairly from his job. The next weekend I avoided his calls and instead went out to dinner with friends. While I was gone, he broke into my apartment. My neighbors and the cops were waiting outside when I got home. I spent the night at my moms, he showed up at 0300 when the my let him out and was trying to get in a window. Wonderful officer spent the rest of the night in the driveway. Fast forward a couple weeks and he shows up at my work, mopes over to me and hands me folded papers.
It was 8-10 handwritten front and back notebook papers where he alternated between telling me I was the love of his life to why he hated me and wished I would die. I was terrified, security escorted him away.
Never saw him again but found out later he did the same thing to some girl in Spokane but he was able to actually get in, beat her and landed her in the hospital.
EDIT: The friend was dating my best-friend and the “good guy” was his cousin. I think he really wanted us to hit it off so the 4 of us could all hang out together or something?? He was shocked by the actions of his cousin but did tell me later that he had “thought he changed.” They’re not longer dating and haven’t talked to him in years and years! This happened 20 years ago in the PNW.
Curry on... 3 years ago (edited)
I hate it when family tries to p**n their damaged relatives off on innocent people. BP didn't like the word p.a.w.n.
Seabeast 3 years ago
The "good guy" was HIS cousin? That explains it, men rarely seem to see problematic behaviour in other men. Serial rapist/killer David Snow was seen as a "great guy" by other men in his home town, but every single woman the police detectives talked to said that he gave them the creeps.
Carol Emory 3 years ago
My cousin went on a date with a guy so became obsessed with her. She refused his advances and told him not to call her again. he kept harassing her. She filed a restraining order. Dude came to her house in the middle of the night, crawled under her car and removed the oil pan plug, drained all the oil and carried it away. My cousin's engine seized before she could get it to the freeway.
Katinka Min 3 years ago
The freind 'thought he changed'??? And vouches for someone as 'a good guy'?? I know it's Brees before hoes but, seriously, you can seriouly endanger someone with that kind fo carelessness.
#21
I was 18ish. I was modeling at the time and volunteered for a date auction for charity, and some guy like ten years older that I sorta knew ... 'bought me.' We went on our date a few weeks later (dinner and mini golf or something) and the date was kinda awkward but fine, and afterwards I said, 'Okay, that was was nice. Time to take me home.' Instead, he drove me to his house and insisted I join him for a nightcap. I refused and he locked the doors and wouldn’t let me out. This was in the days of pre-cellphones, so I couldn’t even call 911." "Eventually after over an hour of him telling me how I 'owe' him some more company because he paid so much for me, I got nearly hysterical and told him that if he didn’t take me home this instant I would kick his window out and scream for someone to call the cops. He did take me home and was all surly about it and I couldn’t get out of that car fast enough
Cyndielouwhoo 3 years ago
Took me a second to get it, love that expression!
Load More Replies... Carol Emory 3 years ago
I'm glad that these auctions have been stopped for the most part. This just puts girls in bad situations. Guys too for that matter.
Jp@nda 3 years ago
This is why those God awful buy a date with a girl who is barely more than a child should be illegal. I don't care what good cause it's for, it's disgusting and I'm sure that so many other girls have been pressured into doing things they didn't want to because of shït like this. How about just donate and leave the girl alone
Janelle Gilbert 3 years ago
Came here too say this. It's creepy always and can be unsafe in the extreme.
Load More Replies... Alexandra Davis 3 years ago
Is that really a thing, auctioning yourself for a date with a random stranger? Never heard of that, certainly not in the UK anyway. Sounds like a super quick way to find a creep
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
It used to be, up until the 90s, mostly. There are still some places that will do them, but most people have realized why this is a really bad idea.
Load More Replies... Katinka Min 3 years ago
Date auctions are a terribly idea to begin with. It is really asking for this stuff to happen.
#22
Met him when I worked as a cashier in a small downtown shop. Wasn't my type and seemed a little off, but I was young and had zero real dating experience. Agreed to grab coffee as a friend and made it clear I didn't have a romantic interest. He became convinced he was Gatsby and I was his Daisy (the Great Gatsby film had just come out that year). Started stalking me and endlessly sending letters and gifts to me at work describing how we were fated to be together. When I confronted him to stop, he started having his friends follow me at work or drop by to "check in" on me. Prowled outside on nights I had to close shop alone. I ended up quitting that job and things fizzled. Seven months later I got a call from a number I didn't recognize. It was the same dude -- he just got released from a short prison sentence and was letting me know he thought of me every day and was going to find me so we could finally be together. I made up a story that I was travelling abroad for college and would be gone indefinitely. Changed my number and luckily haven't heard from him again!
Huddo's sister 3 years ago
Why are so many guys targeting waitresses? Just because they are nice to you when they are serving you, doesn't mean they think any more about you.
Sue 3 years ago
Because no other woman will talk to them, and waitresses have to as part of their job.
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Catie Marie 3 years ago
The strangest part for me, in all these stories, is that these men have friends. Friends who are willing to stalk said woman. Wtf.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
Worked retail, and yep, the number of dudes who don't get that I wasn't into them at all, I was just doing my job, was astronomical. Luckily we had a manager who understood that the creepy-man-hanging-around-women-employees was a real thing and a danger. She made it clear that no one was to ever give out anyone's work schedule, phone number, or personal info to ANYONE, because there were too many creeps who'd come in and go "Oh, when does Jan work next?" or "I'm Jan's friend, is she at school today?" By the time I left, the store was considering having people use "work names" on their nametags so that the customers didn't have our real ones. It was too dangerous.
Tree P 3 years ago
Yes,I can relate, having worked in retail myself. Lots of losers asking me out just because I helped them find something. I also hated having my name on the name tag, for that very reason.
Load More Replies... Wonderful 3 years ago
I worked at Mars Music when I was 16. One night a guy called asking to talk to the girl at the front counter with short hair. I got on the phone and this guy was woooing me with lines like, “youre the most beautiful creature on this planet and I would be honored if you would give me your number and I could blah blah blah blah creepy a blah blah”. I told him no thankyou I have a boyfriend. Then the calls started every night I worked. If someone else answered the phone he would hang up. If I answered he would start reading poetry and s**t. Then it escalated to him telling me he was watching me and then started the threats.. I had to quit my job. Thankfully it was mostly just over the phone but still I was so damn scared for a really long time. He also shoepolished messages on my car windows and put roses with long letters on my windshield.
Wonderful 3 years ago
I had a boyfriend a couple years after this leave me a rose on my car not knowing about this mess. When I first saw it I panicked thinking the guy was back, and ran into my work and literally hid in the office. It was cleared up quick thankfully, but that fear that he was back…. Yea…. That was not a fun feeling.
Load More Replies... Hobby Hopper 3 years ago
I know it's kinda beside the point, but I don't think Gatsby is anyone to emulate.
Nightshade1972 3 years ago (edited)
I'm old enough, I find myself wondering if "the Gatsby film that had just come out" was Robert Redford, or Leonardo diCaprio. I assume the latter...
Stannous Flouride 3 years ago
In "The Great Gatsby" Daisy ends up marrying Tom, not Jay Gatsby.
#23
I met a guy during a chemistry contest in another city. We were on the same team so I was friendly. He found my address in the registration docs somehow and showed up in front of my building next week at 10 p.m. at night. He was hysterical on the phone and told me 'you will have to go out at some point and I will be waiting to take you with me.' Luckily, my dad and uncle scared him away. He texted me one to two times after that to insult me, but that was it
Anna Nowak 3 years ago
She didn't give him a chance. He gave himself one by violating her private information.
Random Anon 3 years ago (edited)
How old is this fella? He should be too young to be that mental.
Dekker451 3 years ago
Actually, a lot of mental and personality disorders become apparent in adolescence.
Load More Replies... #24
Back in High School several of my female friends and I (also female) had an off period before lunch, so we were all sitting around a table chatting. One of the female security guards came up to us and told me that there was a new exchange student from Amsterdam that thought I was cute, but he was too nervous to come over and introduce himself. I have zero interest in men, but I figured there wasn't any harm in letting the guy come sit with us and helping him feel more comfortable at our school.
So he comes over, sits down with us, and chats a bit. He seemed rather shy, and he had about a dozen piercings going up each arm that he kept fiddling with (and a bunch of facial piercings). Then class lets out and people, including a bunch of my male friends, start showing up for lunch. First male friend sits down and introduces himself. New guy doesn't not respond AT ALL, doesn't even look at friend. Weird. Maybe just shy? Second male friend comes and sits down. Same thing. Slightly unsettling now. We kept trying to include him over lunch but he would ONLY respond to the women. Wouldn't even acknowledge the other guys at the table.
I never talked to him again after that lunch period and two weeks later he got expelled for slamming a girl against a locker and choking her to the point she nearly passed out.
Stannous Flouride 3 years ago
When your nether regions have run out of room for any more.
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#25
On our first date, he told me he loved me and that he would let me pick out the color of our house. The rest of the evening was super awkward. I never talked to him again.
Emily M 3 years ago
Interesting how on first date he is already talking about LETTING you do anything. How controlling is he going to be ??
Legen ( wait for it ) dary 3 years ago (edited)
1st date: talking about ex and love for travel and how i couldn't do it because 2 years old kid have no passport. 2st date: talked about you to my mom, she would like to meet you+show up with a picture of married couple friend of him and a yes of them to stay with my kid while we do a 3 days trip.no way. 3 date : accepts very well to just becomes friend. Fast forward 4 years later of good friendship, traveling, laugh and crying together, i was the bridesmaid on his wedding with a beautiful kind lovely woman. They move in together after 2 months and got married after 6 months of knowing each other. They are now in honeymoon and they're just perfect for each other.
anthony moring 3 years ago
Her: I pick pink glitter. Him: I regret my decision. What a weird thing to say.
Allison B 3 years ago
Reminds of how when I was 13 I just KNEW I would one day marry my "boyfriend" We had been friends for a while so I believed we would stay together. Yeah no. It's funny because we're still best friends 20 years later and I was in his wedding. He, his wife and I play video games together all the time. He still teases me about my silly 13 year old self to this day.
#26
We got married, three children later and I’ve never been more miserable
ILivedlikethat 3 years ago
Please, seek help and leave him for a better life or at leats a chance of it!
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
What if he raises his sons to be like him? What if he raises his daughters to accept this behavior? What if those children are unable to understand healthy relationships and behaviors now? Why am I saying "what if?" We all know that this is what's happening. THIS is exactly what the American government wants to happen, btw: women trapped with creepy, abusive men, having their babies, with no other options.
Rocky Mom 3 years ago
Preach! We don't talk about accountability, self-awareness, and/or being our own advocate.. enough! We just talk and do what we think is expected of us, thus leading to these mediocre and miserable lives.
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Agent 8433599 3 years ago
Honey, GET OUT. Don't stay for the kids. Yes, it will be hard for them now, but when they are old enough to understand, they will get it!
Sean Stimson 3 years ago
If either parent is miserable it's likely the children are miserable too, but they don't know it cuz they think miserable is normal. Please don't stay in a miserable marriage. Leave it and give your children a shot at happiness
cecilia kilian 3 years ago
GET OUT NOW! For your children, for yourself. Do not waste any more time . Believe me, kids know/sense miserable situations.
Demonix.Queen 3 years ago
Don't stay for the kids. LEAVE for the kids. Trust me, it's so much better this way.
Denise Lewis 3 years ago
there are thing's called divorce you might want to check into that option
#27
Did one video chat with him during which he asked if he could (video) call me again later in the day. When I told him “no I’ll be busy” I started getting random text messages throughout my day that said “are you okay? Just let me know you’re okay”. The first I responded to, I said “hey — yeah, I’m fine. I just hung up with you 30 minutes ago bud.” He took that as a sign that I wanted to talk more so he attempted another video call. When I didn’t respond, he started again with the texts. Didn’t even bother responding to the rest. Up to 20 unread messages later before I was able to block him while leaving him on read.
Meredith 3 years ago
I went on a couple of dates with this guy. I wasn't attracted to him but he was nice enough and I generally get more attracted to a guys personality. So 9am every morning we had a team meeting. He called. I sent it to voicemail. He immediately called back. Sent it to voicemail. Started blowing me up on text. Finally I'm like "DUDE! I'M AT WORK! I'M IN A MEETING! WTF!" He was/is a celebrated chef here but his restaurant had closed because he wasn't even breaking even. Honestly, I think there was a lot of stuff he could have cut out in order to make it work but oh well. Anyway, he kept crazy hours is what I'm getting at. So him calling me at 9am was like a normal time for him going to bed. PS he was also a very newly sober coke head so....pretty common in kitchen's across the world. It didn't last much longer, maybe one more date and I was done.
Katherine Boag 3 years ago
This is why we have 'rules' about double txting mate. Get therapy for your anxiety/paranoia
#28
Knew he was weird before the first date. I was sad and thought maybe he’d be different in person. Showed up to the date and he walked with a crazy limp, told me he was into pee stuff, wouldn’t pay for dinner, tried to kiss me 3 times. When I got home that night he sent me a full body nude completely out of the blue. I never saw him again. He texted me 3 months later to tell me I was the worst human and most selfish person he’s ever met. And then he blocked me.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Right? We have to look at this garbage and be grateful that hey, at least he didn't stalk/rape/murder her, so it's a great outcome!
Load More Replies... Stannous Flouride 3 years ago
She seems to have found the strength to have moved on with her life despite missing out on his affections. Good for her.
Mark Kelly 3 years ago
Yeah, nothing wrong with pee stuff but wait until you know the person better.
#29
He stalked me for almost 8 months, and I still do not want to know how he got my address.
I was 19, he was 31.
​
God, I was so naïve.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago (edited)
We need to give our teens and pre-teens far better tools for managing the abusive adults around them. It's not enough to just go "Don't date older guys" or "That older guy/woman isn't your friend." They need scripts and tools and practice turning down these dudes and deflecting them. When you are 16, you want to believe that 25-40 year old guy is just really a good friend and is helping you by buying you beer/weed. You want to believe that you are mature, special, attractive, nice, desirable, especially if your home and/or school life sucks. You want to believe that this older person sees your struggles and just cares about you, because you're young, or in a bad home situation, or are queer. But they don't. It's grooming.
Jp@nda 3 years ago
Exactly, our children need a thorough education, from home and school. Yet nobody wants to take up the responsibility they just want to place blame elsewhere instead of living in the real world. As women it's our job to protect the next generation of women. As mother's it's our job to teach our children the dangers of the world. We cannot expect anybody else but ourselves to teach our kids what they absolutely need to know to survive in this world
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Janet C 3 years ago
Every teen is flattered when an older guy is interested, including me back then. It is also true that EVERY teen is WRONG. Older guys only date younger women because women their own age won't have anything to do with them. They find a naive, gullible younger woman and groom her.
Wonderful 3 years ago
There should be a mandatory class that kids in school must take. Boys and girls. Not just a 50 minute lecture in 5th grade like all girls get about periods and the woman’s body(at least my school did this). We need a class that’s a semester long on how to communicate and how to protect ourselves and all the other things we need. Guys should have a class too. I really do think if it’s talked about early and kids are taught how to, I don’t know, be better? I really do think it would make a difference.
#30
He stalked me. He made videos of himself crying because I “broke his heart” after him knowing me for a month. He told everyone I was just a fat wh*re who used men (I didn’t take anything from him or have sex with him.) I gave him a whole month and every time I would hang out he would keep me up until 3am crying that I didn’t love him.
It was bad
Agent 8433599 3 years ago
Sounds super desperate and self centered. Also, 3 whole months?! That's way too long!
Lori Harper 3 years ago
It says one month, not three. I think you got the "three" from the "3am"
Load More Replies... Nightshade1972 3 years ago
WRT the "fat wh*re" comment, I'm reminded of the old joke--What's the difference between a sl*t and a b*tch? A sl*t sleeps with anyone, a b*tch sleeps with anyone but you. Sorry you had to go through that, OP. I hope he's not bothering you anymore!
#31
I ignored my gut feeling about him, overlooked his strange tendencies & tried to give him the benefit of the doubt. We were together for almost two years. The entire relationship, he added girls he didn't even know on Snapchat & would say rather inappropriate things to them. Being that you know nothing about strangers on that app, I'm now aware that one of the girls was a minor (he was 26). On my 22nd birthday he had invited my best friend to sleep in our bed with us, & the first time he met my SISTER he gave her the same invitation. He gave both of those invitations right in front of my face. When we were out together & he saw someone attractive he wouldn't just glance, he stared. He regularly talked s**t on my family, & is just generally an awful person. I was his first real girlfriend & he was/is extremely self centered & mentally abusive. That ended almost a year ago & he still goes to our regular hang outs & asks about me, when I come in, where I'm living, who I'm seeing, etc. My takeaway from that whole situation is, always trust your gut feeling about people.
Seabeast 3 years ago
Two whole years??? That's taking "giving him a chance" to a ridiculous level.
Benita Valdez 3 years ago
Yes but try to understand that there are big factors in play such as mental abuse. It sounds "ridiculous" but you have no idea how that can mess with a person and instill fear that makes you stay. This is what they did and they "loved" you; what will they do when they hate you? It's absolutely terrifying
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#32
Hoooo boy! My first ever date from an app he had me take transit an hour and a half to a mall he worked at cause he had to drop something off, we got food and he INSISTED I take home a piece of pie despite not wanting it, ate my leftovers despite actually wanting it, took me to his house and forced me to meet his mother (had no idea he lived with her), cried on me, and told me that he had a 9 inch d**k. One date, never messaged him again. A month later, I get a long a*s text telling me he’s moved on and met someone so much better than me. Hope she enjoyed your 9 incher.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Look at how every single thing is an example of him doing the exact opposite of what she asked/wanted. That is a massive red flag we need to watch for. It's not "being nice" or "helping," it's telling us that they will override all of our wishes. It's control, and it leads to abuse.
#33
Badly - we hung out NOT as a date once. I left because he wanted to hug me and give me a back massage and I barely knew him. He basically ended up stalking me... Fedoras and trench coats are red flags ladies. Particularly, if he litigates that the hat is not actually a fedora.
Cyndielouwhoo 3 years ago
Pretty sure fedoras and trenchcoats are not universal red flags. Some creeps wear very stylish clothing and some awesome guys wear film noir hats and coats. Assuming anything based only on clothes is a disservice to yourself and others.
Tim 3 years ago (edited)
Man, I'm losing my hair and it seems like hats are getting more out of the picture as an option. I guess baseball caps are ok? Or those flat top hats? Or do I just have to get horrible sunburn and skin cancer? :'( Lousy creeps.
Pizzagirl 91 3 years ago
There's still sombreros. Nobody will ever call you (creepy) after they see you in a sombrero. They might call it cultural appropriation, though!
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Katherine Marsh McKinney 3 years ago
My son sometimes wears a fedora, and always wears a trench coat because otherwise he burns in the sun. They make him look like Maurice Gib, and some nice lady actually took his picture. He's perfectly normal, thank you. 😡
#34
I gave the creepy guy a chance. I was 21 he was 30. He had me living w him in his moms basement where he sold weed. It was awful and abusive.
Vicki Meza 1 year ago
Girl, why? Just why would you move in with a 30 year old who lives in his mothers basement and sold pot. JUST WHY?
Adrienne Mcginley 3 years ago
At 30 he was living in his mom's basement? Forget the weed selling, that alone should have been a flag before you ever moved in with him. Glad you got away from him.
#35
Badly... He became very stalkerish, was very insecure about other men, and tried to isolate me from friends.
#36
I have a restraining order against him, and he has on an ankle monitor, and is facing 4 felony charges, and a misdemeanor. He put me in the hospital. He started as the creep. I gave him a chance. That chance lasted a year and a half, and ended with multiple injuries, including broken broken, damaged retina, and a concussion.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Be safe. Until he’s incarcerated or dead, please stay cautious. Sucks, I know. But it’s the most prudent course of action until he’s safely gone.
#37
He stabbed my end table with a knife after getting upset with me. Then started stalking me. I moved and invested in cameras for my house and a dash cam. One million emails, police reports, etc. oh and his twin brother r*ped and stalked girls a few years prior. Ended up killing two police officers. Seems like “creep” runs in the family.
Edit: the twin brother murdered. Not my ex. Maybe would have been killed myself if I stuck around long enough. Also, my ex didn’t start off as this psychopath and I just so happened to like his crazy. He seemed like a misunderstood man, and his true self started showing after a few months into our relationship. Slowly at first, and then very quickly turned bad.
Seabeast 3 years ago
"He seemed like a misunderstood man..." First red flag! The misunderstood loner is rarely, if ever, a good bet.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
YES. This is absolutely why the whole Alpha-stalker-"Dom" plot that's become ubiquitous since Twilight/Fifty Shade HAS to be scrutinized. You cannot save him. Your love will not make the "wild" guy with his own brand of "crazy" into a loving and healthy partner. He's not a "bad boy" because he's misunderstood. He will only hurt you, and it won't ever improve. Ask me how I know, right, Mom?
Load More Replies... Tobias Reaper 3 years ago
one of the traits if a psychopath is they can be very good liars put on a great act
#38
Emotionally abused me and molested me for a year and a half in a severely toxic relationship I still am struggling to recover from. He told me if I didn’t go out with him, he would kill himself. I was only 14, and he was 17 soon to be 18. He forced me into a first kiss I didn’t want to give that way. He forced his hand down my pants that way. I didn’t want him to kill himself because of me. He even tried to lock me in by trying to marry me while I was 16 but thank god my parents said “f**k no”. But then he accused me of cheating. I said I wanted to break up then because I am completely against cheating. He knew that. He knew I hated people who cheated. He told me he would kill himself if I broke up with him and hung up the phone. I told him “good don’t mess up”. He stalked me for years up until I graduated high school. I got a gun first chance I was allowed to get licensed and he finally left me alone when he saw me carrying. He’s married to some girl now and seemingly happy while I still suffer from trauma. The last message he sent me was a few months after he married. It said “hope you’re as happy as I am now”.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago (edited)
Her last paragraph illustrates what most people don’t understand about men like this. Concern for the guy’s future if he’s convicted of rape is cruel. What they do to women is completely forgotten by them right after it happened—-same with whatever punishment they’re given if convicted—-and they just move on with (falsely) clear consciences, while their victims suffer PTSD from the abuse for the rest of their lives. No, we do not forget what happened to us. It may recede from our memories after a while, especially if we also move on to have good relationships. But one little trigger to our memory, and it all comes rushing right back, front and center in our minds, and all the feelings that went with the events flood back as well. We end up terrified and assaulted again, with the whole episode (or episodes) replaying constantly in our heads. People who haven’t been stalked by weirdos, or attacked, or in violent relationships just don’t get it. It is never ever completely forgotten. F**k the rapist’s future. He has consequences to pay for the heinous things he did. The victim’s future should be the number one concern.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
The excuses made for my molesters and abusers was "You have to understand, Bill/John/Kevin/David had a really tough childhood!" Oh. So now it's okay for them to make MY entire childhood a living hell? Thanks for that, Mom + church.
Load More Replies... Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
OP will hopefully come to understand that this dude is probably lying his a*s off about how "happy" he is. He WANTS her to feel like she's missed out on something. I hope OP can recognize too, even in that trauma, how brave and resilient she was. And is.
Darla Taylor 3 years ago
Wonder what the statue of limitations is for molesting? Since she was underage, it seems like he could’ve gotten some jail time.
#39
Reading this I realized I actually have something to contribute lol. I gave him a chance in high school I was 15 he was 18. Ended with him sticking his tongue down my throat several times quite aggressively, joking about stabbing me as he lunged a knife at me and laughed about it while carving pumpkins, and threatened to shoot up the school with a list of names, my friend and I's being top of the list. He got suspended and no one ever saw him again. Update: My friends and I found out he's now in the military.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
Of COURSE he's in the military. Most of the abusers I've encountered were either military, church, or usually, both. At this point, the military is a red flag for me. That system still rewards this behavior, and is toxic for women.
K Lam 3 years ago
Cops too. Every cop I've known except for one was abusive. The very first cop I knew I was 16 he was a married 40 yr old w three kids would hang around my job. I was a cashier at a coffee house. He would flirt and ask me out. Of course I was flattered. Thought I was a grown up. He was handsome and charismatic. He finally got me and my friend to meet another cop at a bar got us both in followed me home while I drove drunk. Kissed me. I told my co worker and god bless her she threatened to tell his wife if he talked to me again then she told my mom. Of course I was all upset and embarrassed but looking back if I could tell her I was eternally grateful I would.
Load More Replies... #40
First date, he gave me a super personal gift, told me he loved me and was planning on marrying me, then threatened to come to my place of work once I said it wouldn't work out.
He then found my mother, messaged her a bunch of personal stuff and now she doesn't trust me at all. It sucks.
Kathryn Baylis 3 years ago
Sorry honey, but your mother is an a*****e for believing that creep and not you.
Kiss Army 3 years ago
I was set up on a blind date and he was not my type plus he was in his 40s and I was 20. I tried to let him down gently because he seemed really into me and wanted me to give us a try. One night when he knew I was out, he called my house and talked to my mom for over an hour and convinced her to tell me to that I should go out with him because he was a nice guy. When I told her his age and the weird stuff about him that made my "spidey senses" tingle she was like never mind. As a final kicker, he ended up going to jail... (The was over 30 years still haven't let my sister live it down that she set me up with that one...).
#41
Hugged me and physically would not let go, stalked my dorm, threatened that it’d be my fault if he got sick, also slapped me but I start laughing in response to physical threats so he got too weirded out.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
We need to do better at schools with teaching men and boys how not to behave, and crack down harder on this c**p. Every term, I have at least one girl who is dealing with some creepy stalky guy through the dorms or a class.
#42
He snapped over something petty while we were at his house and I left. He chased me out the door screaming at me and wouldn’t let me close my car door to leave. I had to threaten to call the police.
#43
He made a fake profile and wrote my boyfriend on Messenger that I was cheating on him with detailed and borderline paranoid guidelines to how to best catch me in a lie and advice not to confront me because it would only make me better at hiding it. All in great, conspiracy-like detail. I didn't give him a chance really. We became good friends, and I was happy to have him as a friend since I'm split between two countries. I'm guessing he wanted more and decided to try to blow up my long time relationship
#44
Guy had serious untreated mental health problems, which resulted in him spending four years stalking me and making me resent giving that one chance. I made multiple calls to police and paramedics because he would call me up threatening suicide unless I would help him. He still finds me on social medias and random gaming apps to say “hi, I miss you” but I now live more than 1000km away.
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
It doesn't matter if he has untreated mental health issues. It doesn't matter if he's shy, served his country, is on the spectrum, is good to his mom, or had his heart broken. NONE of this behavior is excusable. OP's safety matters far more.
#45
i gave a creep a chance once. we went to chili's for our second date and he got drunk on wine and grabbed my arm when i was leaving his car to go back to mine to leave for the night. wouldn't advise giving the creep a chance.
#46
I was coerced into a sex act I didn’t want, and I’m not over it.
Nemo 3 years ago
Somebody once told me that it felt like you are a sheet of paper. Something happens and the paper gets crumpled. After that you can straighten it out as much as you want but it will always feel a bit crumpled. You will never be fully flat again, some days just more than other. I felt that and I hate it
Mrs. Jan Glass 3 years ago
This was my ex. I'm still trying to come to terms with the fact that I felt like I had to say "yes" to certain things because it was not an option to say "no." OP or anyone else dealing with these feelings, PLEASE find a good therapist. You don't deserve to not get over it.
#48
most toxic and manipulative relationship I’d ever been in. I strongly advise against giving the creep a chance…
What do you think ?
Little Wonder 3 years ago
This is why I hate the "he really likes you, you should give him a chance!" type of comment when a woman says she's not interested in a man. We don't have to give anyone a chance, *especially* not the creeps.
Nathaniel 3 years ago
These guys make me feel ashamed to be a man. Seriously? How can some of us act like this? They are first class, prime examples of dingleberries.
censorshipsucks 3 years ago (edited)
yep, also want to apologise on behalf of my gender here. Sorry. Pity there are that many creeps. "Not all men", yeah, .... kinda a lot of them though. I can really only think of a handful who do NOT aggressively pursue a woman they are interested in.
Load More Replies...
Jiminy 3 years ago (edited)
He wasn't outright creepy, nothing I could put my finger on. He just gave me the creeps when we met the first time IRL, but I thought he deserved a chance. He professed his deep feelings and his want for a relationship the second evening. I said I wasn't ready. He wooed me for weeks, I kinda gave in until I was so stressed by him and his neediness that I broke it off. He proceeded to threaten me with suicide and I called the cops, but never answered him directly. He tried to manipulate me with every possible angle and low profile stalked me for two or three weeks after leaving the psychiatric clinic, but ultimately I got off easy.
Nemo 3 years ago
He is the reason why I'll never have a public social media account. Why I hate getting my picture taken and even giving my name feels unsafe. It's been years since I last saw him but I'll never know for sure if he stopped watching me
MimSorensson 3 years ago (edited)
And this is why I’d die before posting anything about anybody without their clear and expressed blessing. I don’t post pictures of strangers either these days without blurring their faces completely. You never know. You may have an idea, but you don’t KNOW. No posting people unless they know about it and green lights it.
Load More Replies... lenka 3 years ago
He wasn't an outright creep but struck me as socially awkward and trying too hard to fit in. Seemed nice enough that I thought I should at least get to know him better. We went on two dates. After the second I told him that I didn't have romantic feelings for him. He seemed to take it well. A few days later he called me 6pm saying his car was broken down. I lived near a very popular local pub and he was there. He asked if I could do him a favor and come take him home because he wasn't able to get hold of his mates. Weird. Should have said no but I was heading out to meet some friends anyway... no harm no foul. I get there. He is with his friends. He introduced me to them as his girlfriend. When I said that was not true and got upset at him for lying he started accusing me a cheating on him. I tried to leave and he held my wrist. I yanked it away and he stood in my path. Security kicked him out and escorted me to my car. Lucky he didn't know where I lived.
Mad McQueen 3 years ago
My ex was crazy. Met While both working diff places in a mall. I went into his store to try on a dress an caught in peeking over the top of the door. I yelled at him but he laughed it off to a co worker. I was half into an outfit so changed back an came out of the dressing room an left. ( if this gets too long go to the replies I'll continue there ). He showed up a day later at my job and gave me a leather motorcycle jacket (s**t this was in '90 An I still have it. Mostly cuz it was expensive an black) well we dated a few times. Then he would leave me locked in his house with no way out. Several towns away. I kept trying to leave him. I met a better guy an moved to another city. Had a friend in another state mail post cards I wrote from there that I moved to that state. He called cops and reported me missing. Cops went to my moms an said they found a body matching me. She had to call an see if I was still alive. Hated him for that. Would steal my mail too. More but it won't fit.
Mad McQueen 3 years ago
If you want more stories ask. He was such a stalker, manipulative douche. I took him to get knee surgery an after while in recovery kept saying his ex's name. Who he used me to make her jealous because she dumped him. He took me to the gym she worked out at an I didn't even know that was the reason. Sent me post cards he drew on the front of decapitated doodles of headless girl bodies from a diff state but addressed to my moms house. I knew his writing. God so many stories.
Load More Replies... It's me!!!! 3 years ago (edited)
I really thought I loved my ex boyfriend. He was a great guy... at first. He started becoming obsessive. If I would try to leave his house because I had work the next day he would start crying and block my car door begging me to stay for like an hour or longer This happened multiple times. Then he noticed I was disturbed he started accusing me that I was gonna leave him and never come back. At that point it set in that I actually was gonna break up with him. He blocked my car door for a few hours. And I finally got through and broke up with him via text message cause I knew it would be impossible in person. He called and texted me a million times demanding to know what he did wrong. I had to change my number and drop his things off where his mom worked and she asked me what happened and said I fell out of love with him. The end. Bye creepy Dan!
Janet C 3 years ago
And men wonder why #yesallmen is a thing. I have no doubt every single one of these men would say they were a good guy. I'm sure they all looked like perfectly nice men.
MimSorensson 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah, that’s the thing - it doesn’t show. You can’t tell. They don’t all have obvious red flags. Many of the worst don’t. The most twisted ones are often the best at hiding it. Women have no other choice than to assume ‘all men’ - not because *all* men are monsters, but because *any* man could be. And if that is the case, it’s quite possible that they won’t know until it’s too late.
Load More Replies... Insignificant pisces 3 years ago
Took him home and made the mistake of sleeping with him as intended one night stand. Then he refuses to leave my house till I agree to go out with him, I felt pressured to say yes. Fast forward almost three years, I'm working with him (obviously so he can keep an eye on me), I'm not allowed to see my friends, wear make up, drive. Managed to get away and luckily now married to someone who treats me well.
Little Wonder 3 years ago
This is why I hate the "he really likes you, you should give him a chance!" type of comment when a woman says she's not interested in a man. We don't have to give anyone a chance, *especially* not the creeps.
Nathaniel 3 years ago
These guys make me feel ashamed to be a man. Seriously? How can some of us act like this? They are first class, prime examples of dingleberries.
censorshipsucks 3 years ago (edited)
yep, also want to apologise on behalf of my gender here. Sorry. Pity there are that many creeps. "Not all men", yeah, .... kinda a lot of them though. I can really only think of a handful who do NOT aggressively pursue a woman they are interested in.
Load More Replies... Jiminy 3 years ago (edited)
He wasn't outright creepy, nothing I could put my finger on. He just gave me the creeps when we met the first time IRL, but I thought he deserved a chance. He professed his deep feelings and his want for a relationship the second evening. I said I wasn't ready. He wooed me for weeks, I kinda gave in until I was so stressed by him and his neediness that I broke it off. He proceeded to threaten me with suicide and I called the cops, but never answered him directly. He tried to manipulate me with every possible angle and low profile stalked me for two or three weeks after leaving the psychiatric clinic, but ultimately I got off easy.
Nemo 3 years ago
He is the reason why I'll never have a public social media account. Why I hate getting my picture taken and even giving my name feels unsafe. It's been years since I last saw him but I'll never know for sure if he stopped watching me
MimSorensson 3 years ago (edited)
And this is why I’d die before posting anything about anybody without their clear and expressed blessing. I don’t post pictures of strangers either these days without blurring their faces completely. You never know. You may have an idea, but you don’t KNOW. No posting people unless they know about it and green lights it.
Load More Replies... lenka 3 years ago
He wasn't an outright creep but struck me as socially awkward and trying too hard to fit in. Seemed nice enough that I thought I should at least get to know him better. We went on two dates. After the second I told him that I didn't have romantic feelings for him. He seemed to take it well. A few days later he called me 6pm saying his car was broken down. I lived near a very popular local pub and he was there. He asked if I could do him a favor and come take him home because he wasn't able to get hold of his mates. Weird. Should have said no but I was heading out to meet some friends anyway... no harm no foul. I get there. He is with his friends. He introduced me to them as his girlfriend. When I said that was not true and got upset at him for lying he started accusing me a cheating on him. I tried to leave and he held my wrist. I yanked it away and he stood in my path. Security kicked him out and escorted me to my car. Lucky he didn't know where I lived.
Mad McQueen 3 years ago
My ex was crazy. Met While both working diff places in a mall. I went into his store to try on a dress an caught in peeking over the top of the door. I yelled at him but he laughed it off to a co worker. I was half into an outfit so changed back an came out of the dressing room an left. ( if this gets too long go to the replies I'll continue there ). He showed up a day later at my job and gave me a leather motorcycle jacket (s**t this was in '90 An I still have it. Mostly cuz it was expensive an black) well we dated a few times. Then he would leave me locked in his house with no way out. Several towns away. I kept trying to leave him. I met a better guy an moved to another city. Had a friend in another state mail post cards I wrote from there that I moved to that state. He called cops and reported me missing. Cops went to my moms an said they found a body matching me. She had to call an see if I was still alive. Hated him for that. Would steal my mail too. More but it won't fit.
Mad McQueen 3 years ago
If you want more stories ask. He was such a stalker, manipulative douche. I took him to get knee surgery an after while in recovery kept saying his ex's name. Who he used me to make her jealous because she dumped him. He took me to the gym she worked out at an I didn't even know that was the reason. Sent me post cards he drew on the front of decapitated doodles of headless girl bodies from a diff state but addressed to my moms house. I knew his writing. God so many stories.
Load More Replies... It's me!!!! 3 years ago (edited)
I really thought I loved my ex boyfriend. He was a great guy... at first. He started becoming obsessive. If I would try to leave his house because I had work the next day he would start crying and block my car door begging me to stay for like an hour or longer This happened multiple times. Then he noticed I was disturbed he started accusing me that I was gonna leave him and never come back. At that point it set in that I actually was gonna break up with him. He blocked my car door for a few hours. And I finally got through and broke up with him via text message cause I knew it would be impossible in person. He called and texted me a million times demanding to know what he did wrong. I had to change my number and drop his things off where his mom worked and she asked me what happened and said I fell out of love with him. The end. Bye creepy Dan!
Janet C 3 years ago
And men wonder why #yesallmen is a thing. I have no doubt every single one of these men would say they were a good guy. I'm sure they all looked like perfectly nice men.
MimSorensson 3 years ago (edited)
Yeah, that’s the thing - it doesn’t show. You can’t tell. They don’t all have obvious red flags. Many of the worst don’t. The most twisted ones are often the best at hiding it. Women have no other choice than to assume ‘all men’ - not because *all* men are monsters, but because *any* man could be. And if that is the case, it’s quite possible that they won’t know until it’s too late.
Load More Replies... Insignificant pisces 3 years ago
Took him home and made the mistake of sleeping with him as intended one night stand. Then he refuses to leave my house till I agree to go out with him, I felt pressured to say yes. Fast forward almost three years, I'm working with him (obviously so he can keep an eye on me), I'm not allowed to see my friends, wear make up, drive. Managed to get away and luckily now married to someone who treats me well.
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