Man Asks “[Am I The Jerk] For Telling My Vegan Girlfriend That I Will Not Stop Using Butter?”
You can be in love with a person, have fun spending time with them and find it interesting to talk with them, but it’s the little things from daily routines that can put a damper on the whole relationship and make you question your future together.
For this man on Reddit, it is cooking food. He and his girlfriend take turns, but she is completely vegan and he isn’t, so cooking for one another causes arguments and the boyfriend thinks his girlfriend shouldn’t complain about his dishes when it’s his turn to cook.
This couple takes disagreeing on what to eat to another level and needs the internet’s opinion
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Image credits: cottonbro studio (not the actual photo)
Because one of them is vegan and the other is not, although the non-vegan boyfriend tries to adjust to his girlfriend as much as he can
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The one thing he can’t give up in his cooked meals is butter, but the problem is that they cook for each other alternating days
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Image credits: Felicity Tai (not the actual photo)
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So the vegan girlfriend can’t eat her boyfriend’s cooked meals, but if he doesn’t cook non-vegan meals, then he is kind of forced into a vegan diet
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Image credits: August de Richelieu (not the actual photo)
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He thinks that he has given up enough of the foods he likes because of his girlfriend and feels it’s not fair to be expected to cook without butter
When the Original Poster (OP) started to date his girlfriend, she was vegetarian and during their relationship, she became vegan and now does not make any exceptions. The boyfriend is not vegan or vegetarian, and though most of the time he avoids meat, he’ll eat it on holidays. He will actually avoid animal products in general because of his girlfriend, but he still eats eggs and dairy products.
As the couple takes turns cooking for one another, this becomes an issue as indirectly, the OP is forced to be a vegan because when his girlfriend cooks, she’ll prepare vegan dishes and when the boyfriend cooks, he can’t use anything that is not vegan so the woman can eat it.
But there is one non-vegan product that the man can’t stop using and it is butter. He has reduced his animal-derived product intake significantly since he started dating his girlfriend and was upset that she would force him to quit using butter as well.
To that, the girlfriend responds that the OP is not respecting her choice to be vegan because that means she can’t eat butter and he puts it in his meals that he prepares for both of them.
It’s hard to call someone in this situation a jerk because it is true that the girlfriend made an ethical choice to get rid of anything that is animal-derived in her life and consuming butter would be going against her values.
On the other hand, you can’t force someone else into your lifestyle, but the boyfriend doesn’t get to eat any meat or animal products neither when he cooks nor when the girlfriend cooks.
People in the comments suggested both of them cook for themselves, which would end the argument, but some of them also thought that the couple might not be compatible. Although most of them were on the boyfriend’s side, because they felt that the girlfriend consciously or unconsciously was forcing him to be vegan.
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Image credits: Tima Miroshnichenko (not the actual photo)
Faunalytics describes a relationship in which only one of the partners is vegan “a unique dynamic.” It is because a lot of couples see having a meal, especially dinner, together as “significant in affirming their identity as a couple and nurturing the relationship.”
But even when both of the spouses are non-vegan, they tend to have disagreements over what to eat. Caron Bove’s research showed that there is that one partner in a marriage who compromises more than the other, and it is more often the woman, despite women doing most of the food work.
So you can imagine how hard it is for those couples in which one of them has dietary restrictions, whether it’s by choice or necessity. But there is a chance to make the relationship work and avoid arguments over food.
Insider collected a few tips that should help love and respect overshadow food differences, and they start from advising couples to not judge one another because nutrition is extremely personal. Which is why you also can’t force someone to be vegan, because it will lead to conflict unless they are already interested.
When it comes to eating out, you should find places that cater to both of your diets, and if you cook together and want to eat the same dish, there are recipes that can easily be both vegan and non-vegan alike by substituting something.
Also, there are so many foods that you wouldn’t think are vegan by the nature of them, like Oreos. Cookies are something you can enjoy together whether you’re vegan or not. What could also help is allowing the vegan partner to eat out with vegan friends and talk about their lifestyle with those who are living the same experience as them.
And no relationship advice list can be complete without mentioning communication: “If you feel like your partner isn’t taking you to restaurants that have vegan options, let them know. If they feel like you’re forcing them to adopt the diet, they should also let you know. At the end of the day, it’s only food — what’s important is that you and your partner work together to make it work for both of you.”
Do you think the couple in the story can work it out? Do you think they have more problems than just their shared dinners? How would you solve their dilemma? Let us know your thoughts in the comments.
Many people interpreted the girlfriend’s behavior as trying to force her boyfriend to be vegan and thought the most simple solution would be to cook separately
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This seems like a growing trend... and the newest type of mixed 'marriage.' I like that he's eating eggs from chickens raised at home. I've had conflict with vegan friends over this. Why? The chickens lay eggs daily anyway. They're not fertilized, so they're not going to develop into chickens. My chickens were pets that fed me. No abuse. Had free range all day in the yard. Went to the vet and deeply loved.
Two arguments I’ve heard. One is that it puts a strain on the chicken to lay the many eggs. The other is that in egg production half of the animals are males and are killed as they can’t lay eggs. You are right as a private person with your own chickens you can make sure the animals are treated well.
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And that crapper's going to stink when the vegan has finished with it.
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Simple solution, they still cook every other day for two, but the second meal will be for their own dinner the next day. That way she eats her fresh cooked vegan meal while he eats his leftover butter meal, then the next day he has a fresh meal, she has leftovers. They each still cook every other day and they each eat what they want.
This seems like a growing trend... and the newest type of mixed 'marriage.' I like that he's eating eggs from chickens raised at home. I've had conflict with vegan friends over this. Why? The chickens lay eggs daily anyway. They're not fertilized, so they're not going to develop into chickens. My chickens were pets that fed me. No abuse. Had free range all day in the yard. Went to the vet and deeply loved.
Two arguments I’ve heard. One is that it puts a strain on the chicken to lay the many eggs. The other is that in egg production half of the animals are males and are killed as they can’t lay eggs. You are right as a private person with your own chickens you can make sure the animals are treated well.
Load More Replies... And that crapper's going to stink when the vegan has finished with it.
Load More Replies... Simple solution, they still cook every other day for two, but the second meal will be for their own dinner the next day. That way she eats her fresh cooked vegan meal while he eats his leftover butter meal, then the next day he has a fresh meal, she has leftovers. They each still cook every other day and they each eat what they want.
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