Girl Faces Backlash After Punching An Autistic Kid In The Face After He Groped Her, Asks For Advice Online
One viral story on Reddit has raised a set of deep questions about how we treat neuroatypical members of our society and how we think about personal accountability. The story can be a difficult one to read for people who may be triggered by accounts of sexual assault, so readers, please be warned.
In this story, a schoolgirl is pressured by her community to tolerate unwelcome sexual advances from a peer with ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder) until the ongoing abuse causes her to snap and lash out. One silver lining is that she seems to have found a more supportive community than her own after sharing her story on Reddit. Let’s hear what happened in her own words and then unpack the lessons her story holds.
Where is the line between developmental disability and personal accountability? One girl’s ordeal raised questions about how communities protect their children
Image credits: Wavebreakmedia (not the actual photo)
Her painful story raises important questions that our society must not shy away from discussing. Let’s hear her out and see how the internet responded
Image credits: seventyfourimages (not the actual photo)
Image credits: StockRocketStudio (not the actual photo)
Her community never should have allowed this to happen
The wording she uses at certain points in her story encapsulates some of the problematic aspects of her community that enabled this situation to happen.
“It was always his autism that made him who he was”: There are certain behavioral tendencies among people who have disabilities on the autism spectrum, but none of them define who somebody is. Behind each unique diagnosis lies a person with their own feelings, beliefs, thoughts and potential. For every attacker like Troy, there are many other neuroatypical people on the autism spectrum who have never felt a compulsion to attack others or who have felt that compulsion but have learned not to act on it.
Her story makes it clear that her community failed not only her, but Troy as well. By defining Troy primarily through his disability, his community has infantilized him. They have relinquished the challenging but important duty of teaching him how to appropriately integrate himself into society.
“Teachers just kept saying […] that I am being a good person by taking care of him”: This is a textbook case of adultification. Adultification is a type of abuse or neglect where minors are given outsize responsibilities that should instead be handled by responsible adults. The girl in this story should have never been made to feel responsible for Troy’s happiness and wellbeing. That was the responsibility of Troy’s caretakers, parents, and community. Troy’s response to the author’s rejection was not her responsibility to handle or modulate. His parents and caretakers had an opportunity to teach him about how to navigate relationships with neurotypical third parties and that opportunity was ignored.
After her story gained traction, she shared some additional details
Image credits: chicken_feetlover12
Every ASD and every person is different
Image credits: Pressmaster (not the actual photo)
We know that the author of the post is not responsible for what happened to her. But who does bear the brunt of the responsibility? Is it Troy, whose behavior may have been caused in part by a developmental disorder that some scientists believe may have inhibited his capacity to empathize and discern right and wrong? Or is it Troy’s community, which enabled and excused his abusive behavior rather than correcting it?
Unfortunately, the extent of personal responsibility for someone like Troy isn’t quite scientifically clear. The autism spectrum of disorders is not yet fully understood, and scientists in various fields are still exploring what impact these disorders may have on an individual’s culpability for their own actions. From the author’s story, however, it feels like Troy was someone who could be held responsible for his own actions. She described him as somewhat well-adjusted to society when not in her presence, and many commenters also wondered whether Troy was consciously abusing the leeway given to him by their community as a result of his neuroatypical diagnosis. There are also plenty of people with ASD out there who don’t behave this way, so Troy’s actions cannot fully be attributed to his developmental disorder.
However responsible we think Troy is or isn’t for his actions, what is certain is that the author’s community has critically failed both of them. We’ve already described their failures in nurturing Troy, but perhaps greater still is the community’s failure to keep the author safe. She should have been listened to when she first raised her concerns and every time thereafter. She should’ve been protected from Troy. She never should’ve been subjected to the undue burden of having to tolerate, accommodate, and later suffer abuse from Troy. No child should ever be forced to plead the case to adults in their community that the sexual abuse they face from their peers should be stopped.
The author received more support from online commenters than from her own community
Is this really where we’ve come as a society? We excuse sexual assault and make the victim feel like she should’ve accepted the assualt bc “awww, the poor baby is autistic, he doesn’t know any better🥺” are you kidding me? Are you actually f*****g with my sanity right now? No, everyone wants society to treat autistic and other disabled people as… normal people, so that’s exactly what op and fam should do. SEND HIM TO PRISON. Not some mental ward, PRISON. “Normal” people go prison. And he deserved that punch, maybe more. I’m so angry for op and I’m sick of this planet and the people that inhibit it. F**k Troy and those disgusting teachers. They should feel ashamed and disgusted with themselves for seeing sa and not doing anything about it.
It’s not even where we’ve come as a society, it’s where we’ve already been for a long time: I punched a boy who was groping me in summer camp back in 1990. It was the only way to make him stop. I had already given him several verbal warnings and shouted at him to stop. I finally didn’t know what else to do and hit him. He instantly played the victim and was babied by the female camp counsellors (the irony!) given an ice pack that he held to his face for the rest of the day (even though you couldn’t even see a mark). I thought I was going to be in sooo much trouble and going to be sent home, butluckily a male (!) camp counsellor saved me. He walked onto the scene and simply said in a very authoritative way: “Did he grope you?” Me: “yes” Him: “Well done for defending yourself, serves him right.” And luckily that was it, but I still often think about the incident to this day and of how extremely lucky I was and how easily this could have resulted in very bad consequences for me.
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I mean...I'm autistic so..if you need someone to beat the sh!t outta this guy, I can't be accused of "attacking an autistic kid". And as we all know autistic people can't control themselves, it wouldn't be MY fault if I k!lled him or something. For legal purposes, this is a joke.
Hey - I’m autistic too; we could both have a go. In jest, naturally, in jest. And if I happened to break the little fυckers neck and thereby protect future victims from his predator αss - hey, I’m autistic, so surely I can’t be expected to know better and can’t be punished, right?
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Screw the autism excuse; if I found out someone like him did that to my little girl I'd break his damn neck. F**k him AND his family.
I have autism, and i'm sure some of you do, too. How many of you would use this as an excuse to sexually assault someone for FOUR YEARS STRAIGHT? none of ya'll? funny how that works, huh? I want to punch Troy myself.
The guy who raped me used being an autist as an excuse for years. Guy was at uni and he gaslit me, other girls and did it for years. I feel your outrage about this but there are multiple people who know exactly what they are doing and pulling the same stunt as this guy.
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Tbh, the enablers are the most ableist in this case. Believing autistic people are to stupid to comprehend consent. That is waaaay more ableist than not wanting to be sexually assaulted.
100%. I’m a behaviorist and I’ve worked in autism education for 13 years. If we don’t have high expectations, our students will never have a chance to prove to the world that they are capable of great things.
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Autistic person here. I know DAMN WELL not to sexually harass someone. If this kid is truly unable to understand not to sexually harass someone, then he needs locking up and institutionalizing before he takes it to the next level. Harsh, but true. Autism is NOT an excuse to not know any better.
I'm autistic, and I read everything I can find on the condition. I can tell from the OP's description that he is cognizant enough to understand he's wrong. That predatory desire to harm others is not even a symptom of autism. He has something else going on, some other disorder. I'm hesitant to say a disabled child should be locked up at this point. Society has an ugly history of doing that to the disabled simply because they were. A proper psychiatric assessment followed by Intensive therapeutic intervention may be enough to curtail his behaviour or at least net him a full-time supervising caregiver who can steer him away from potential wrongdoing. He should also face punishment for his assaults, but not knowing what country they are in, I can't say what that should be.
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Person with Asperger's here. This "boy" is not mentally disabled, he's a fücking ässole and if this was me, a broken nose would have been the least of his concerns if he groped me just once.
This article caught my eye because I was in a similar situation a while back. I was groped by a boy who had autism and I never said anything because I didn’t understand what autism was. Now I know that that was unacceptable but at the time I felt like OP. I’m glad she got help from internet people.
It wasn' t your job to know what autism is! It would have been the job of parents, teachers or other adult caretakers to protect you from being assaultet. They all failed you terribly.
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No, no, no. Autism is no f*****g excuse. This person needs to be IN JAIL, or in a mental care facility since they obviously don't know right from wrong. It is okay to be understanding of people with autism but people that cannot function in society cannot be allowed into society. . This is f*****g disgusting.
I understand the rage. I've been crying the whole two hours I've been reading/commenting here. But a sixteen-year-old autistic boy in jail is going to come out far, far more dangerous than he was when he went in. General incarceration won't teach him anything except new ways to act out his predatory instincts. Maybe a mental facility could. If our goal is to prevent him from harming anyone again, we need to look at what will be most effective in teaching that. Because I think he has a comorbid disorder alongside autism, I don't know if he will learn. If he's also a sociopath, nothing will fix him. But if they can figure that out, at least he can be properly supervised so he doesn't harm anyone else. It's also vitally important that whatever the solution is, that it's one that helps the victim feel safe and heal.
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First of all, I'm so happy for you because you had the guts to punch him. Well done, great job! Second, I'm so sorry you had to go through years of SA. You will be doing the world a huge favor if you press charges, because he will become a serial rapist if this is allowed to continue and no one does anything to prevent it. Autism is a serious condition, but not an excuse. If that behaviour exists only because of his condition, he should be in a facility not roaming around free. I hope you get well and manage to live your life with happines and joy, filled with love. Sending you bear hugs.
Just to be clear, the behaviour doesn't exist from his autism. Lacking emotional/compassionate empathy isn't an autistic trait. Lacking cognitive empathy is. Sexually predatory impulses is not intrinsic to the autistic mind any more than they are to an allistic mind. Good people don't want to hurt others, especially that way. Those who do have something wrong with them, like sociopathy. Troy has another condition going on that isn't diagnosed yet, or maybe it is and his family is using autism as the excuse to shield him. Your compassion to the OP is beautiful, btw.
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This kind of excuse to molest girls sickens me.. this poor girl had to suffer for years of abuse and apparently her parents did nothing? I would have come unhinged at anyone groping my daughter at any age no matter what mental capacity the abuser is.
Autistic who studies autism here... Troy does not lack the mental capacity to understand he's doing wrong,. Being sexually predatory is not a symptom of autism. Any autistic who is also a sexual predator has a comorbid disorder. I suspect Troy may also be a sociopath or something.
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this has made me so mad!!! plenty of people have autism all across the spectrum and they don't act like this! he and the people around him are using his autism as an excuse to let him get away with anything he wants. SA is not trivial. this young lady is feeling like she HAS to be nice to him, she HAS to let him do whatever he wants to her, and that is NOT RIGHT. not right at all. i'm glad her family has gotten involved and they have a plan going forward. she does not need to be around this guy ever again!
So if he grows up to become a rapist or a serial killer, does his parents excuse that too? I’m so sorry the OP is dealing with this abuse and not being protected. That kid is sick in a depraved sort of way and they’re just masking it with autism.
From my considerable research into this topic (I'm autistic and obsessive about learning), I suspect Troy may also be a sociopath, using his autism as an excuse. I hate that this story may make people thing that being a sexual predator is part of autism (it is not).
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Is there a GoFundMe for legal fees? Because I feel like I'd like to give something. Start by suing the school - they said OP was the best care giver?!??!? No she's not! She's a child and a student in their charge. It's 100% the school's responsibility to hire an appropriately trained professional to be Troy's care giver. Sue the parents of Troy, for not ensuring Troy had an appropriately training professional care giver. Sue the local police for negligence in the face of physical assault causing harm. Civil suits all 'round. Criminal charges won't stick, unfortunately. But since money is what's keeping Troy out of trouble, OP should line up civil suits to get all the money she can to pay for the therapy, changing schools, and krav maga classes (for the next time someone tried to mess with her.)
Ask them on Reddit. You can find the source by clicking the link below the images.
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He knows what he's doing. And he targets you because he has an excuse. We had a guy like that when I was young. Handicapped. But would chase all the girls an try to touch and kiss them or hug them. As girls we knew if you got cornered by him he was gonna pull something. The boys mostly laughed at him for trying and some stood up to him and got him away from us. After school years later he was at the local grocery as a bagger and still tried to hug an kiss "customers" that were females. Eventually and I don't know if it's true, he got married an maybe had a kid. Idk. But we always watched out for this guy because he KNEW that he could get away w assaulting us right in the open because of his disability. He had something wrong w his legs and wore braces. Something in his skull an had a plate. An something else I can't recall. Wasn't supposed to make it past 5 yrs old but made it almost to 50. But like I said it was grueling in a small town to deal with him.
You should not have had to deal with that, and I'm so sorry you did.
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Autism is no excuse -signed the parent of an autistic child. We have been teaching our son for example, if he want's to hug a classmate, he needs to ask them first and that if they say no, its a no. It's something that takes a lot of time to get into his head. As for this Troy, everyone has excused his c**p, so he will continue to do it and god help anyone when he is older as it will get worse. He is a pervert who happens to be autistic. Are they excusing it so it doesn't look bad on the parents who are a big part of the community. God forbid that they do something other than sweep it under the carpet. If possible, try and bring criminal charges. Oh he doesn't know better, he would if his parents were not excusing him and his actions
All it takes for him to be in serious danger is to mess with the wrong person one day, so teaching him boundaries would be in his best interest as well
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This problem was allowed to develop over the course of YEARS. The real issue is the autistic kid was never properly stopped when it all started. They were instead taught that their disability was a free pass. His parents are completely responsible for his behavior here, don't mistakenly blame him for not being taught. Intuition and so-called common sense are not involved either.
I'm autistic. I never needed to be "taught" not to rape. No autistic person I've ever met has needed that. I struggled with seeing boundaries, yes, so I used to hug people without asking first (but then again, at home I wasn't allowed to refuse a hug from anyone so I never saw natural boundaries demonstrated... finally took a class to learn them), but I have never in my life had the impulse to knowingly harm someone, nor have I ever felt entitled to claim a person to be "mine" and act like I own them. Deliberately predatory behaviour is not an autistic trait. Yes, authorities should have stepped in far sooner, but the kid is not innocent in this. Autistics are not empty vessels who need to be taught every single social value like "you are not allowed to assault people." We do have intuition, some more than others, but this kid's behaviour can't be explained by autism. He has a comorbid condition, one that strongly features antisocial behaviours.
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Good on her. Autistic or not he deserves to be punched. His parents should have taught him a long time ago it's not acceptable behaviour. That kid is gonna end up raping someone.
I remember in elementary school there was a kid who was autistic. Once we were partners in math class and we told me about a dream he had where he saved a girl in our class from armed gunmen and then had sex with her. He was 8. I immediately told the girl about that, and then the boy continuously kept harassing her. I did everything I could to keep him away from her and our teachers never did anything to help her, instead I got in trouble for telling the girl about what he said. When I read this that memory just sprang to mind.
Stories like this make me want to vomit (SA survivor here). Girls and women are not the property of boys and men. We have the right to say what happens to our bodies, we have the right to say ‘no’ when someone touches us against our will. I’m proud of you, OP, for standing up for yourself. I want to punch the teachers that allowed you to suffer this way for 4 years! They should go to prison just like Troy should (enablers are as bad as abusers in my mind. If you know it’s happening help the victim, not the perpetrator)
SA survivor as well... my situation was a lot like the OP's. For your own sake, please engage in some self-care in the next few days so this doesn't re-traumatize you. Also, I'm so, so sorry you had to endure that.
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How horrible. You were NOT his caretaker. And if you were, you should put up with that? No. No way. That is just wrong that people let him get away with this.
(neurodivergent here btw) Im friends with an autistic boy. He’s a great person, I love being friends with him. He’s a very touchy person, I’m not. All that it took to get him to stop hugging or poking me was literally a conversation or two. Whatever the hell troy was doing is not normal. Autistic people don’t do that. He’s just an a*s. Get a restraining order/lawsuit.
(CONTINUED>>)The parents of this young seem to have dropped the ball with regard to his education, but I think society in your town was more concerned with appeasing this well-connected family. IMHO, I think that if anyone DID have concerns, they may have been rebuffed and decided it just wasn't worth the argument so his behaviors were 'excused'. That never should have happened and I pray this family doesn't learn the hard way, what their ignorance has done. As for you my dear, please talk to someone! Your feelings of guilt and the 'bullying' you're getting is something you need to work through for your own well-being. You didn't do anything wrong! You did what was needed. Maybe now he will leave you be. If not, walk away and know that you did the right thing!! I'm proud of you! You've opened a discussion about a topic that can be quite sensitive. Because someone has a disability it does not preclude them, based upon their abilty, from acceptable behaviors.
Let me start off by saying this...this happens QUITE often, it's because of ignorance and denial but MOSTLY, you are NOT alone. Now let me speak to the ignorance and denial. I taught differently-able children and teens for over 10 years as well as coaching Special Olympic swimmers and doing respite care for families. I've always had a special bond with my neuroatypical students and they were always my favorite students to work with. My parents were as different as their kids though. Some were well-versed in their child's needs and others were ignorant, mostly due denial and stigma-obssession. Those were the parents who seem to have a lot in common with the parents of this teen. When parents accept that their child has differences, they will move heaven and earth to give their child the tools they need to get around in a world that doesn't understand or accept them. When parents are in denial or self-conscious, they ignore those simple life lessons. (CONTINUED>>>)
My son is autistic and his parents should have taught him to respect other people a long time ago
This is bad. I have a kid with ASD and when teachers in the classroom has a hard time controlling inappropriate or disturbing behaviors he was moved to a separate special education class. Yes this kid may not think typically, but those teachers are WRONG to let this go on and punish this girl. By age 16, the teachers should know how to keep other children safe from a child who has issues. No excuse for repeated offenses and brushing it off. This makes me sad for this girl and I am not necessarily blaming the boy. Staff!
1/2 This makes me sick. There's a disabled man who has been obsessed with me since I was six (yes, it all happened). I was told to forgive and forget because he didn't know what he was doing. He was much the same - I belonged to him, etc. Only difference is he's 20 years older than me. Even now, if he sees me in public he shouts my name and tries to chase me. I won't feel safe till he's dead. I am sitting here sobbing right now that someone else has had to endure this, a male demanding ownership of her and society ignoring her pain in favour of his ego. I'm physically ill that this poor child has been robbed of her identity and childhood to pacify someone else's obsession because the adults were too lazy to do the work of properly teaching the autistic man (I am autistic too, but I'd rather die than sexually harass someone or force someone to be around me who didn't want to be). The autism spectrum is broad. But NOBODY is unteachable. With work and effort, they could have taught Troy.
2/2 If Troy would not give up his obsession, he should have been removed from the school to protect the girl. This is devastating. I'd thought my situation was unique. I'd thought the world was better than this, especially now (my issues started over 30 years ago before consent was a big thing). The adults here have done Troy no favours. They're teaching him that he can get away with this, which is wrong. Autism might be an excuse for someone saying something too blunt and accidentally hurting someone's feelings. Social skills are harder to learn. It is NEVER an excuse for assault. The girl and her family must move. Get out of the city. Get far away from him, because he will never stop. I'm too messed up from the childhood abuse to live on my own, so I'm stuck with my parents, who won't leave the city, so I'm stuck always having to be on guard, ready to run if he appears. Nobody should have to live this way. Nobody.
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Absofreakinglutely NTA. Troy's parents, teachers, and the local police are not doing this poor girl and Troy any favor by coddling him. Some people make a good point in saying Troy will prey on another girl and he will be in deep trouble eventually. I have a relative whose adopted son is autistic and he's a well behaved, polite kid.
He’s using his autism as an excuse to be a sexual predator. Complain to the police and press charges. And switch schools.
I am the mother of a child with autism who has struggled with boundaries. It does not matter if his autism caused it. He should not be allowed to sexually assault you. The school should have protected you. He should have been removed from your presence. He can be taught about boundaries and monitored. There are many many many ways to handle this that don't require you being sexually assaulted. It is not ok regardless of his disability
Trouble with boundaries is an autistic trait, but actual sexually predatory behaviour is not. I would bet a lot of money that your child is devastated when/if they realize they've actually harmed someone. Their boundary-crossing behaviour comes from an inability to understand how other people will perceive and react to their actions, not from a desire to harm. Autism can make it hard to understand boundaries, but it does not cause the impulse to harm. You seem like a conscientious mum who cares deeply for your child. I know it's hard to be allistic and relate to an autistic person at times (I am autistic). But if autism is your child's only condition, they do not have a natural instinct to harm others. If they are deliberately and consciously harming others, get to a psychiatrist because there's another condition there as well.
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Ok this kids Troy most likely 99.99% knew what he was doing was wrong. My sister has very severe autism, she’s slow on the uptake but she knows if somthing is wrong or right.this guy has been sexually assaulting her years and because he has autism he gets away with it, it’s as it he picked her in kindy and now she has no rights because an autistic kids ‘chose’ her. Next I have a story that is on topic. So I was in kindy and I had started taking my first karate lessons, I has playing with my friends at break one time it was a big group of boys. Than at one point one of them just leaned in to kiss me and I liked this boy he was nice but I didn’t like him like that so… I punched him. And my punched hurt like hell apparently all the female teachers got very mad at me. But the principal kinda person (male) told me that it was self defence and he had to send me home due to protocol but he’s happy I stood up for myself. I got sent home then but both my parents told me I did the right thing.
My brother has autism, (not officially diagnosed, one time at the doctors mom listed a concern and the doctor just said "Autism, yeah.") And in no way, shape or form does he act like this. Sure, he has meltdowns from time to time, but we don't treat him differently cause of the Autism. Our family has a line of some kind of health or mental health problem. Anxiety, depression, ADD, ADHD, heart problems, auto immune disease, ect. No one in my family that I know personally has done this, and we all have something going on.
Call the cops on him, if they won't do anything then lay the boots to that rapist.
I really hope we can get an update. This poor young lady. I can not believe the SA he's gotten away with! It ridiculous. I really hope she can get a lawyer ( maybe do a GoFundMe) and press charges.
the school is at fault, they should have put the "autistic" guy on special program called aggression replacement training / social functioning training (but that would mean spending money, which for usalandian [edit: read article again, sorry - my bad, it wasnt in the usa] institutions is worse than death or the sod's parents would be angered - and nobody wants to annoy such fat cats) where he'd be taught social rules everybody else is supposed to follow in the so called life, yet they chose to use the "autism" label to avoid accepting any responsibility or doing anything for that matter
Might be a country that doesn't have those kind of programs available... I don't think this is the US as they explain that nursery = kindergarten. Not always the US.
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Autism is a difficulty, but not an excuse for terrible behavior. This is not the same thing that happens with typical autism. You had a bully and an abuser. And people around him were encouraging this? Lawsuit against the school district and town, would not be out of place. They are basically saying that abuse is OK as long as the abuser has a health issue. NOT! And to say that you should put up with it because you were his caretaker? You're not related to him, you didn't like him, and even if you were his caretaker this is beyond what is allowable. Glad you are getting some help. So sorry that's terrible thing happened to you. I am very liberal about caring for everyone, but that includes the abused. And the abused must be protected. No excuses.
Oh hell no. My daughter is 6 and she's non-verbal and autistic and if I could get her to stop touching my b**bies by redirecting her, a teenager who can be social and talk to others could learn too. I say shame on the teachers for not talking to him about how inappropriate it is. And also: his parents seem to be pillars of the community and I guess no one wanted to have him come home crying and saying he was bullied for his autism because she didn't allow it? People with autism often don't know that lying is a very serious ethical problem, perhaps? I am glad that at the least she finally can be free of his harassment.
Autistic human, here. I would also like to weigh in that no, his Autism is no excuse to sexually assault you or anyone else. The problem here is not only the dumbass "boys will be boys" c**p, but the fact that his behavior has been purposefully enabled for years. I agree with course of action taken; lawsuit, restraining order, and therapy, although his parents should be paying for it, not your amazing aunt. I am so sorry that this has not only happened, but perpetuated for so long against you. I hope you will be able to get past this and have a fantastic life.
NO mental illness or disability or anything remotely similar is ever an excuse for someone to behave is that way. EVER. If they truly can't control themselves something I don't believe for a second then they or their family or teachers should remove them from the situation. You never have to accept being treated that way by anyone no matter who they are or what "excuse they are using." I suppose newborns may be exempt from this though
As an autistic, I totally agree that it's no excuse. As I've said in other comments, I'm certain this kid has a behavioural disorder as well, perhaps NPD or something. All chronic, severe antisocial behaviour is indicative of a disorder. I could explain all the classifications, but that would take forever. Point is that you're right, no condition is an excuse for this, not even a behavioural disorder. The reason for discovering the underlying behavioural disorder would be to see if there might be an effective treatment to make him stop or not.
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Autistic person here. This woman had every right to defend herself. At the end of the day the groping kid probably learned a valuable lesson.
Are you as frustrated as me with all this? It's hard enough being neurodivergent in a world not built for us. People like this, who use their condition as an excuse for harming others make us all look bad.
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I have ADHD and I can't lie people baby me and think I'm an unstable maniac when in reality I'm pretty chill
I have autism and ADHD. Some people think I'm dangerous too, probably also because I'm taller and larger than average, so you know, the big, scary, dangerous oaf. The idea of hurting someone is abhorrent to me. That's why I hate it when people use their conditions as an excuse for antisocial behaviour, because they're not. I have poor executive function and suck at cleaning and organizing; yeah, that's ADHD. I can expect a bit of leeway for that. I leave the room if I'm overstimulated; yeah, that's autism. But deliberately harming people is not a symptom of either of those diagnoses. I've spent hours in this section, probably repeating myself too much, but I'm really hoping that at least a few people will realize that autism does NOT cause sexually predatory behaviour and there's something else going on with this kid. Chalking it up to autism makes us all look bad.
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this just makes me really angry. f*****g dipshit... i dont how other people see this and dont react.. they talk about equality, but are afraid of telling this piece of s**t off because they could come off as ableist... dumb a*s herd mentality
Autistic here... shrugging off his behaviour and telling her that she should accept it and let him harm her is the ableist thing. It's assuming that the boy was too stupid to understand he was doing something wrong (not true). It also gives other autistics a bad rap. Sexually predatory behaviour isn't a symptom of autism. That kid is a sociopath, and he's using his autism as an excuse to get away with it. I had someone do that to me as a child. I'll never fully recover. For over a decade, I felt totally trapped, believing I had to marry him (he was over 20 years older than me) when I grew up because that's what he wanted and he was disabled so he didn't understand he was wrong (I believe he did but didn't care) and I wasn't allowed to make him feel bad. I understand that girl's hell, the feeling of having no identity, no choices, all of it. I've puked twice in my time reading and commenting here. TLDR No it's not ableist to tell off a sexual predator. Please do it. Frequently.
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I have known plenty of people on the spectrum & never once were any of them predators. Nor did their neurodivergence make them incapable of understanding right from wrong. In fact, most of the people I know with autism are the exact opposite. They don't want to or like to be touched & therefore they don't touch other people. I understand autism is different for everyone. But all I'm trying to say is that Troy isn't an A*s joke creep because he's autistic. He's an a*****e creep because of the people around him who enable him & treat him like he's a stupid baby.. which is hella offensive considering most people with autism are 100% capable of learning and understanding basic concepts like "DONT TOUCH PEOPLE" they're giving him an out to be a predator. In a few years when he's an adult and it turns into something more & he hurts another woman, this time even worse... what's going to be their excuse then?
It's an almost universal trait across the whole spectrum to have strong compassionate and emotional empathy. Sexually predatory behaviour doesn't come from autism. The dude has something else going on like sociopathy. I love that you can see how horribly ableist it is for everyone to enable him like he's incapable of learning.
Load More Replies... Bυllshit he didn’t know what he was doing. I’m autistic myself, and if this little piece of shít is so dysfunctional that he can’t understand such basic rules of conduct, he can’t be allowed to roam free in society - he needs to be placed in a controlled environment for the rest of his life. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing and that it’s wrong and why. Destroy that little cοcksυcker, make him pay like everybody else. The autism thing is just an incorrectly used excuse - if he hadn’t been autistic, they’d have thought of something else. This whole scenario is just bizarre, I don’t get how it could possibly go on for that long and to such extremes. He gets cut no slack what so ever - he knew damned well what he was doing.
Featherking, on one hand I am sad that you have to feel so angry as I do as an autistic, seeing how this guy uses our natural evolutionary diversity that brings so much good to the world (if you haven't, research how much human progress has been made by neurodivergents) as an excuse to rape. On the other hand, there's a relief in knowing I'm not alone in my fury. I think it's also good for the neurotypicals reading this to see that the only people in this comment section who have so much as suggested that he's not at fault or that a rapist isn't always a bad person are neurotypicals. All autistics who have commented here have come down HARD on the sick little jerk.
Load More Replies... I'd sue the school as well, during school time it's the teachers responsibility to keep the pupils safe - if they fail to do so they are the ones accountable for any harm or crime a child falls victim to. And my personal rule of engagement: It doesn't matter who attacks you physically, ending the assault with injuring the attacker is always legit, no matter if it's a man, woman, child or somebody with a disability.
This makes my blood boil. ASD kids need to learn, like everyone else, how to behave appropriately with others. The CAN learn this. If we don't teach them at home first and then in the education sector, then we leave it for the justice sector to pick up the pieces.
ASD kid here... we often have trouble with boundaries, hence the struggle to behave appropriately with others. But deliberately sexually predatory behaviour is not a symptom of ASD. Something else is wrong with that kid.
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I worked with a guy who constantly sexually harassed me, and everyone including the managers told me that he was a little "slow" so it was ok. It's so wrong that people do this.
I'm sorry that happened to you. It's an unfortunate and frustrating thing that some people use their disabilities as an excuse to behave inappropriately. They know what they're doing is wrong, but they figure they can get away with it because of their condition. No, it's not right. It's never right. And most disabled are not like this, but the few that are give us all a bad name.
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Don't you think that there are times where people use mental issues as excuses to do something that they know is wrong?
Of course there are some. There are jerks in every demographic of society. But we have to see them as individual jerks, not as representative of the whole demographic. This post is horrifying for what that girl suffered. It also scares me because I don't want people looking at other autistics and painting us as predators.
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Sounds like his parents would rather let him SA OP rather than deal with him. Sad. Bring autistic doesn't give you a free pass to SA women (or men.)
I think if the school knew he was doing that I'd see a lawyer.
Absolutely nothing you did was wrong.! In fact I'd of kicked him in the gonads.
10 years from now, in court: Lawyer of autistic kid now a serial killer: He couldn't help it! He's autistic! Killing his victims was the best way to take care of himself!
Hopefully the prosecutor will have brains enough to bring forth experts who will testify that murdering people is not a symptom of autism and that the killer is just using it as an excuse.
Load More Replies... My son is autistic and the parents should have taught him to respect other people's boundaries long ago
This makes me so f*****g mad. why is this tolerated!? i would have punched him too
"I have xxx so I have a get of jail card" - Nope, doesn't work like that. Or, let me say it SHOULDN'T work like that. Sadly, for many in society it has always been this way and more so now due to the prolification of MSM and the card to trump all other cards... 'entitlement'. Everyone should be treated the same and with respect regardless of who you are (or who you 'think' you are).
Something you may not have learned from MSM... sexually predatory behaviour is not an autistic trait. His autism doesn't explain why he's doing this. If he ends up in court, all the prosecution has to do is bring up a few experts who will testify to that, and the autism defence goes out the window. Pretty much all serial killers and rapists have an underlying disorder, because all chronic antisocial behaviour is a disorder. But diagnosing doesn't create an excuse. The only benefit of the diagnosis is to see if there's possible treatment and get a reasonable prediction of if the offender will offend again. But then again, I'm not in the US and our justice system works differently. Also, I'm autistic and furious at this situation.
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I'm in my mid-30s and I'd punch Troy too, given the opportunity. He obviously needed to learn about consent and boundaries the hard way. What he did was assault on so many levels. I'd ask OP to swing again and harder this time if he still doesn't get the point.
I am tired of accommodating people that are abnormal. This young girl did the right thing. Because no doubt, she responded with reflex. If this boy has sexual urges, which, obviously he does, it needs to be controlled. I support this girl 100%.
Accommodating the disabled (disability/neurodiversity is a natural part of human evolution and is not "abnormal") does NOT mean excusing sexually predatory behaviour. Telling her to just put up with his assaults wasn't accommodation. It was enabling abuse. Please understand the difference. Accommodating autism in particular includes things like speaking very directly, as many of us find it hard to pick up on nuance, dimming lights and sound if the person is sensitive to that, and having peaceful spaces to help with overstimulation. The boy in question is autistic, but sexually predatory behaviour is not an autistic symptom. Struggling to understand boundaries is, but not being deliberately sexually predatory when you know damn well that you are harming the person, which this boy definitely does. He has something else going on. Sociopathy or something.
Load More Replies... That poor CHILD, a CHILD was put in that awful position, a position she shouldn't have been in, which could, no sorry SHOULD have been prevented, the op, through NO fault on her part ANYWHERE is going to be traumatised for years to come. That stupid little f***ing c***, regardless of his autism, is a predator, his teachers should have put a stop to that the first time in happened, he WILL eventually r*** someone, I'm glad op has moved away and getting help, the teachers and parents should be MADE to cover her therapy bills. If you're reading this op- God bless your heart, it was NEVER EVER your fault - your kind heart was taken for granted, but is was NEVER your fault. Please, PLEASE understand and belive that.
Women's self defense classes. Every woman needs them. I'm sorry it's that way and it sucks. But...everyone has a right to defend themselves and should have the knowledge.
As the mother of three autistic children (two also with ADD), this really saddens me. I would never allow my kids to do this to anyone. This is not right. I’d sue. I’d let the news know what’s going on. I would have expected a lot worse than a punch. That’s years of abuse for an excuse and no resolution. Can he rape people and it’s ok? Kill people? He’s autistic and it’s ok. No it’s not. Absolutely no. I’d sue. I’d get him out of the school. He’s an abuser and I’m so sorry you’re going through that
As an autistic person, I hate it that we are babied like this, autism is not an excuse for SA and should never be. "Troy" is just an a*****e who needs to be taught that groping isn't ok an that he needs to be nice and respectful of the person he likes. You wouldn't find me groping my crush because I know that it is wrong and I know that all of my neurodivergent friends would agree.
Veloxaraptor said pretty much everything I wanted to say about this, and much better than I would have. That's so disgusting I can't even... F**k Troy and f**k his enablers.
I had a similar situation when I was 10. Our school had a special needs class. One bitter Canadian winter day we were out for recess, and the wind was so biting and cold it seemed our whole school was huddled in the court yard where 3 walls were protecting us from the bitter wind. I was extremely shy and quiet and so sensitive. I with my small group of friends had our backs against one wall and this boy who was at least 15 years old but with a7 yr old development age came over to me and literally pinned me to the wall and said as loud as possible that he loved me and kissed me. I was frozen and terrified and I remember the duty teacher smiling with her head tilted with a look of aww while everyone was staring!It felt like eternity and when he pulled away, I sobbed hysterically and I got reprimanded for embarrassing him!
My daughter was always small for her age. In kindergarten she was being bullied by an older and much larger boy. She reported it, I reported it, but we always got the "boys will be boys" or "he must have a crush on her" bullsh*t. I taught her some self defense moves and the next time he pulled her hair, she kicked him as hard as she could in the nuts and he sank to the ground. Oh, NOW the principal wants to talk. Meeting with the boy's parents it was obvious they had no idea this had been going on (I'd kept a record of all the times I had complained about it). The Dad kept insisting my daughter be expelled. I countered with "pulling her pants down on the playground is sexual assault. How about I just file a police report that will follow him for the rest of his life?" They took the kid home & we never saw him again. (I mean he was transferred to another school, not disappeared).
As someone with Asperger's, I can say that this guy is a future sexual predator. As entitled and spoiled as he is, he's going to end up targeting the wrong girl and end up stabbed it shot by an angry father or boyfriend.
Mrs.Pugh I get the impression you've suffered from sexual assault, too. I'm sorry for whatever you went through. No one is suggesting sexual assault is dismissible. If you were to send this kid to prison he would come out a few months later with horrible PTSD, intense rage/terror issues, and the groping issue will almost certainly be unchanged. If this is handled appropriately he can learn how he was wrong and be better for it. Crushing him out of revenge and anger will only make everything worse.
1. No, I haven’t . I just hate when vile behavior is excused because someone is autistic or mentally disabled. 2. Damn that sucks for him? But at least op is no longer in danger. 3. I think he knows what he doing and he knows nobody will stop him because he’s autistic, he doesn’t know any better! 4. Crushing him out of revenge and anger? Be for real.
Load More Replies... I agree with you CatLady. I think the biggest source of Troy's issues right now is that he is suffering from a chronic lack of consequences for his actions. This is more the behavior of a spoiled brat with autism than just autism. My issue is that the consequences need to be appropriate and purposeful. Prison would just make him worse in every way. And yes, he needs to be isolated from this girl he is fixated on. A sad point is that even though none of those specific behaviors are indicative of autism, lacking impulse control is. He is lacking impulse control from both the autism, and the total lack of consequences for his actions.
John Topper. Lack of impulse control is a trait, yes, but the urge to sexually assault someone isn't a natural human impulse, nor is that obsessive drive to basically 'own' another human being. That's not even spoilt brat with autism. That's a deeper comorbid disorder. I'm an obsessive learner (my autistic special interest) , and everything I've studied on this topic (I sit in on neuroscience and behavioural psychology classes when the professors allow me), all chronic severe antisocial behaviour is a disorder. Researchers have spent the past 50 years grouping and classifying them. I can explain all the classifications but that would take like 100 comments to do. In short, all sexual predators have an underlying disorder. That isn't an excuse for their behaviour at all. But if a psychiatrist can pinpoint their exact disorder, it gives some idea of possible treatment and also tell predict if they'll be able to stop or will always be a public menace.
Load More Replies... Is this really where we’ve come as a society? We excuse sexual assault and make the victim feel like she should’ve accepted the assualt bc “awww, the poor baby is autistic, he doesn’t know any better🥺” are you kidding me? Are you actually f*****g with my sanity right now? No, everyone wants society to treat autistic and other disabled people as… normal people, so that’s exactly what op and fam should do. SEND HIM TO PRISON. Not some mental ward, PRISON. “Normal” people go prison. And he deserved that punch, maybe more. I’m so angry for op and I’m sick of this planet and the people that inhibit it. F**k Troy and those disgusting teachers. They should feel ashamed and disgusted with themselves for seeing sa and not doing anything about it.
It’s not even where we’ve come as a society, it’s where we’ve already been for a long time: I punched a boy who was groping me in summer camp back in 1990. It was the only way to make him stop. I had already given him several verbal warnings and shouted at him to stop. I finally didn’t know what else to do and hit him. He instantly played the victim and was babied by the female camp counsellors (the irony!) given an ice pack that he held to his face for the rest of the day (even though you couldn’t even see a mark). I thought I was going to be in sooo much trouble and going to be sent home, butluckily a male (!) camp counsellor saved me. He walked onto the scene and simply said in a very authoritative way: “Did he grope you?” Me: “yes” Him: “Well done for defending yourself, serves him right.” And luckily that was it, but I still often think about the incident to this day and of how extremely lucky I was and how easily this could have resulted in very bad consequences for me.
Load More Replies... I mean...I'm autistic so..if you need someone to beat the sh!t outta this guy, I can't be accused of "attacking an autistic kid". And as we all know autistic people can't control themselves, it wouldn't be MY fault if I k!lled him or something. For legal purposes, this is a joke.
Hey - I’m autistic too; we could both have a go. In jest, naturally, in jest. And if I happened to break the little fυckers neck and thereby protect future victims from his predator αss - hey, I’m autistic, so surely I can’t be expected to know better and can’t be punished, right?
Load More Replies... Screw the autism excuse; if I found out someone like him did that to my little girl I'd break his damn neck. F**k him AND his family.
I have autism, and i'm sure some of you do, too. How many of you would use this as an excuse to sexually assault someone for FOUR YEARS STRAIGHT? none of ya'll? funny how that works, huh? I want to punch Troy myself.
The guy who raped me used being an autist as an excuse for years. Guy was at uni and he gaslit me, other girls and did it for years. I feel your outrage about this but there are multiple people who know exactly what they are doing and pulling the same stunt as this guy.
Load More Replies... Tbh, the enablers are the most ableist in this case. Believing autistic people are to stupid to comprehend consent. That is waaaay more ableist than not wanting to be sexually assaulted.
100%. I’m a behaviorist and I’ve worked in autism education for 13 years. If we don’t have high expectations, our students will never have a chance to prove to the world that they are capable of great things.
Load More Replies... Autistic person here. I know DAMN WELL not to sexually harass someone. If this kid is truly unable to understand not to sexually harass someone, then he needs locking up and institutionalizing before he takes it to the next level. Harsh, but true. Autism is NOT an excuse to not know any better.
I'm autistic, and I read everything I can find on the condition. I can tell from the OP's description that he is cognizant enough to understand he's wrong. That predatory desire to harm others is not even a symptom of autism. He has something else going on, some other disorder. I'm hesitant to say a disabled child should be locked up at this point. Society has an ugly history of doing that to the disabled simply because they were. A proper psychiatric assessment followed by Intensive therapeutic intervention may be enough to curtail his behaviour or at least net him a full-time supervising caregiver who can steer him away from potential wrongdoing. He should also face punishment for his assaults, but not knowing what country they are in, I can't say what that should be.
Load More Replies... Person with Asperger's here. This "boy" is not mentally disabled, he's a fücking ässole and if this was me, a broken nose would have been the least of his concerns if he groped me just once.
This article caught my eye because I was in a similar situation a while back. I was groped by a boy who had autism and I never said anything because I didn’t understand what autism was. Now I know that that was unacceptable but at the time I felt like OP. I’m glad she got help from internet people.
It wasn' t your job to know what autism is! It would have been the job of parents, teachers or other adult caretakers to protect you from being assaultet. They all failed you terribly.
Load More Replies... No, no, no. Autism is no f*****g excuse. This person needs to be IN JAIL, or in a mental care facility since they obviously don't know right from wrong. It is okay to be understanding of people with autism but people that cannot function in society cannot be allowed into society. . This is f*****g disgusting.
I understand the rage. I've been crying the whole two hours I've been reading/commenting here. But a sixteen-year-old autistic boy in jail is going to come out far, far more dangerous than he was when he went in. General incarceration won't teach him anything except new ways to act out his predatory instincts. Maybe a mental facility could. If our goal is to prevent him from harming anyone again, we need to look at what will be most effective in teaching that. Because I think he has a comorbid disorder alongside autism, I don't know if he will learn. If he's also a sociopath, nothing will fix him. But if they can figure that out, at least he can be properly supervised so he doesn't harm anyone else. It's also vitally important that whatever the solution is, that it's one that helps the victim feel safe and heal.
Load More Replies... First of all, I'm so happy for you because you had the guts to punch him. Well done, great job! Second, I'm so sorry you had to go through years of SA. You will be doing the world a huge favor if you press charges, because he will become a serial rapist if this is allowed to continue and no one does anything to prevent it. Autism is a serious condition, but not an excuse. If that behaviour exists only because of his condition, he should be in a facility not roaming around free. I hope you get well and manage to live your life with happines and joy, filled with love. Sending you bear hugs.
Just to be clear, the behaviour doesn't exist from his autism. Lacking emotional/compassionate empathy isn't an autistic trait. Lacking cognitive empathy is. Sexually predatory impulses is not intrinsic to the autistic mind any more than they are to an allistic mind. Good people don't want to hurt others, especially that way. Those who do have something wrong with them, like sociopathy. Troy has another condition going on that isn't diagnosed yet, or maybe it is and his family is using autism as the excuse to shield him. Your compassion to the OP is beautiful, btw.
Load More Replies... This kind of excuse to molest girls sickens me.. this poor girl had to suffer for years of abuse and apparently her parents did nothing? I would have come unhinged at anyone groping my daughter at any age no matter what mental capacity the abuser is.
Autistic who studies autism here... Troy does not lack the mental capacity to understand he's doing wrong,. Being sexually predatory is not a symptom of autism. Any autistic who is also a sexual predator has a comorbid disorder. I suspect Troy may also be a sociopath or something.
Load More Replies... this has made me so mad!!! plenty of people have autism all across the spectrum and they don't act like this! he and the people around him are using his autism as an excuse to let him get away with anything he wants. SA is not trivial. this young lady is feeling like she HAS to be nice to him, she HAS to let him do whatever he wants to her, and that is NOT RIGHT. not right at all. i'm glad her family has gotten involved and they have a plan going forward. she does not need to be around this guy ever again!
So if he grows up to become a rapist or a serial killer, does his parents excuse that too? I’m so sorry the OP is dealing with this abuse and not being protected. That kid is sick in a depraved sort of way and they’re just masking it with autism.
From my considerable research into this topic (I'm autistic and obsessive about learning), I suspect Troy may also be a sociopath, using his autism as an excuse. I hate that this story may make people thing that being a sexual predator is part of autism (it is not).
Load More Replies... Is there a GoFundMe for legal fees? Because I feel like I'd like to give something. Start by suing the school - they said OP was the best care giver?!??!? No she's not! She's a child and a student in their charge. It's 100% the school's responsibility to hire an appropriately trained professional to be Troy's care giver. Sue the parents of Troy, for not ensuring Troy had an appropriately training professional care giver. Sue the local police for negligence in the face of physical assault causing harm. Civil suits all 'round. Criminal charges won't stick, unfortunately. But since money is what's keeping Troy out of trouble, OP should line up civil suits to get all the money she can to pay for the therapy, changing schools, and krav maga classes (for the next time someone tried to mess with her.)
Ask them on Reddit. You can find the source by clicking the link below the images.
Load More Replies... He knows what he's doing. And he targets you because he has an excuse. We had a guy like that when I was young. Handicapped. But would chase all the girls an try to touch and kiss them or hug them. As girls we knew if you got cornered by him he was gonna pull something. The boys mostly laughed at him for trying and some stood up to him and got him away from us. After school years later he was at the local grocery as a bagger and still tried to hug an kiss "customers" that were females. Eventually and I don't know if it's true, he got married an maybe had a kid. Idk. But we always watched out for this guy because he KNEW that he could get away w assaulting us right in the open because of his disability. He had something wrong w his legs and wore braces. Something in his skull an had a plate. An something else I can't recall. Wasn't supposed to make it past 5 yrs old but made it almost to 50. But like I said it was grueling in a small town to deal with him.
You should not have had to deal with that, and I'm so sorry you did.
Load More Replies... Autism is no excuse -signed the parent of an autistic child. We have been teaching our son for example, if he want's to hug a classmate, he needs to ask them first and that if they say no, its a no. It's something that takes a lot of time to get into his head. As for this Troy, everyone has excused his c**p, so he will continue to do it and god help anyone when he is older as it will get worse. He is a pervert who happens to be autistic. Are they excusing it so it doesn't look bad on the parents who are a big part of the community. God forbid that they do something other than sweep it under the carpet. If possible, try and bring criminal charges. Oh he doesn't know better, he would if his parents were not excusing him and his actions
All it takes for him to be in serious danger is to mess with the wrong person one day, so teaching him boundaries would be in his best interest as well
Load More Replies... This problem was allowed to develop over the course of YEARS. The real issue is the autistic kid was never properly stopped when it all started. They were instead taught that their disability was a free pass. His parents are completely responsible for his behavior here, don't mistakenly blame him for not being taught. Intuition and so-called common sense are not involved either.
I'm autistic. I never needed to be "taught" not to rape. No autistic person I've ever met has needed that. I struggled with seeing boundaries, yes, so I used to hug people without asking first (but then again, at home I wasn't allowed to refuse a hug from anyone so I never saw natural boundaries demonstrated... finally took a class to learn them), but I have never in my life had the impulse to knowingly harm someone, nor have I ever felt entitled to claim a person to be "mine" and act like I own them. Deliberately predatory behaviour is not an autistic trait. Yes, authorities should have stepped in far sooner, but the kid is not innocent in this. Autistics are not empty vessels who need to be taught every single social value like "you are not allowed to assault people." We do have intuition, some more than others, but this kid's behaviour can't be explained by autism. He has a comorbid condition, one that strongly features antisocial behaviours.
Load More Replies... Good on her. Autistic or not he deserves to be punched. His parents should have taught him a long time ago it's not acceptable behaviour. That kid is gonna end up raping someone.
I remember in elementary school there was a kid who was autistic. Once we were partners in math class and we told me about a dream he had where he saved a girl in our class from armed gunmen and then had sex with her. He was 8. I immediately told the girl about that, and then the boy continuously kept harassing her. I did everything I could to keep him away from her and our teachers never did anything to help her, instead I got in trouble for telling the girl about what he said. When I read this that memory just sprang to mind.
Stories like this make me want to vomit (SA survivor here). Girls and women are not the property of boys and men. We have the right to say what happens to our bodies, we have the right to say ‘no’ when someone touches us against our will. I’m proud of you, OP, for standing up for yourself. I want to punch the teachers that allowed you to suffer this way for 4 years! They should go to prison just like Troy should (enablers are as bad as abusers in my mind. If you know it’s happening help the victim, not the perpetrator)
SA survivor as well... my situation was a lot like the OP's. For your own sake, please engage in some self-care in the next few days so this doesn't re-traumatize you. Also, I'm so, so sorry you had to endure that.
Load More Replies... How horrible. You were NOT his caretaker. And if you were, you should put up with that? No. No way. That is just wrong that people let him get away with this.
(neurodivergent here btw) Im friends with an autistic boy. He’s a great person, I love being friends with him. He’s a very touchy person, I’m not. All that it took to get him to stop hugging or poking me was literally a conversation or two. Whatever the hell troy was doing is not normal. Autistic people don’t do that. He’s just an a*s. Get a restraining order/lawsuit.
(CONTINUED>>)The parents of this young seem to have dropped the ball with regard to his education, but I think society in your town was more concerned with appeasing this well-connected family. IMHO, I think that if anyone DID have concerns, they may have been rebuffed and decided it just wasn't worth the argument so his behaviors were 'excused'. That never should have happened and I pray this family doesn't learn the hard way, what their ignorance has done. As for you my dear, please talk to someone! Your feelings of guilt and the 'bullying' you're getting is something you need to work through for your own well-being. You didn't do anything wrong! You did what was needed. Maybe now he will leave you be. If not, walk away and know that you did the right thing!! I'm proud of you! You've opened a discussion about a topic that can be quite sensitive. Because someone has a disability it does not preclude them, based upon their abilty, from acceptable behaviors.
Let me start off by saying this...this happens QUITE often, it's because of ignorance and denial but MOSTLY, you are NOT alone. Now let me speak to the ignorance and denial. I taught differently-able children and teens for over 10 years as well as coaching Special Olympic swimmers and doing respite care for families. I've always had a special bond with my neuroatypical students and they were always my favorite students to work with. My parents were as different as their kids though. Some were well-versed in their child's needs and others were ignorant, mostly due denial and stigma-obssession. Those were the parents who seem to have a lot in common with the parents of this teen. When parents accept that their child has differences, they will move heaven and earth to give their child the tools they need to get around in a world that doesn't understand or accept them. When parents are in denial or self-conscious, they ignore those simple life lessons. (CONTINUED>>>)
My son is autistic and his parents should have taught him to respect other people a long time ago
This is bad. I have a kid with ASD and when teachers in the classroom has a hard time controlling inappropriate or disturbing behaviors he was moved to a separate special education class. Yes this kid may not think typically, but those teachers are WRONG to let this go on and punish this girl. By age 16, the teachers should know how to keep other children safe from a child who has issues. No excuse for repeated offenses and brushing it off. This makes me sad for this girl and I am not necessarily blaming the boy. Staff!
1/2 This makes me sick. There's a disabled man who has been obsessed with me since I was six (yes, it all happened). I was told to forgive and forget because he didn't know what he was doing. He was much the same - I belonged to him, etc. Only difference is he's 20 years older than me. Even now, if he sees me in public he shouts my name and tries to chase me. I won't feel safe till he's dead. I am sitting here sobbing right now that someone else has had to endure this, a male demanding ownership of her and society ignoring her pain in favour of his ego. I'm physically ill that this poor child has been robbed of her identity and childhood to pacify someone else's obsession because the adults were too lazy to do the work of properly teaching the autistic man (I am autistic too, but I'd rather die than sexually harass someone or force someone to be around me who didn't want to be). The autism spectrum is broad. But NOBODY is unteachable. With work and effort, they could have taught Troy.
2/2 If Troy would not give up his obsession, he should have been removed from the school to protect the girl. This is devastating. I'd thought my situation was unique. I'd thought the world was better than this, especially now (my issues started over 30 years ago before consent was a big thing). The adults here have done Troy no favours. They're teaching him that he can get away with this, which is wrong. Autism might be an excuse for someone saying something too blunt and accidentally hurting someone's feelings. Social skills are harder to learn. It is NEVER an excuse for assault. The girl and her family must move. Get out of the city. Get far away from him, because he will never stop. I'm too messed up from the childhood abuse to live on my own, so I'm stuck with my parents, who won't leave the city, so I'm stuck always having to be on guard, ready to run if he appears. Nobody should have to live this way. Nobody.
Load More Replies... Absofreakinglutely NTA. Troy's parents, teachers, and the local police are not doing this poor girl and Troy any favor by coddling him. Some people make a good point in saying Troy will prey on another girl and he will be in deep trouble eventually. I have a relative whose adopted son is autistic and he's a well behaved, polite kid.
He’s using his autism as an excuse to be a sexual predator. Complain to the police and press charges. And switch schools.
I am the mother of a child with autism who has struggled with boundaries. It does not matter if his autism caused it. He should not be allowed to sexually assault you. The school should have protected you. He should have been removed from your presence. He can be taught about boundaries and monitored. There are many many many ways to handle this that don't require you being sexually assaulted. It is not ok regardless of his disability
Trouble with boundaries is an autistic trait, but actual sexually predatory behaviour is not. I would bet a lot of money that your child is devastated when/if they realize they've actually harmed someone. Their boundary-crossing behaviour comes from an inability to understand how other people will perceive and react to their actions, not from a desire to harm. Autism can make it hard to understand boundaries, but it does not cause the impulse to harm. You seem like a conscientious mum who cares deeply for your child. I know it's hard to be allistic and relate to an autistic person at times (I am autistic). But if autism is your child's only condition, they do not have a natural instinct to harm others. If they are deliberately and consciously harming others, get to a psychiatrist because there's another condition there as well.
Load More Replies... Ok this kids Troy most likely 99.99% knew what he was doing was wrong. My sister has very severe autism, she’s slow on the uptake but she knows if somthing is wrong or right.this guy has been sexually assaulting her years and because he has autism he gets away with it, it’s as it he picked her in kindy and now she has no rights because an autistic kids ‘chose’ her. Next I have a story that is on topic. So I was in kindy and I had started taking my first karate lessons, I has playing with my friends at break one time it was a big group of boys. Than at one point one of them just leaned in to kiss me and I liked this boy he was nice but I didn’t like him like that so… I punched him. And my punched hurt like hell apparently all the female teachers got very mad at me. But the principal kinda person (male) told me that it was self defence and he had to send me home due to protocol but he’s happy I stood up for myself. I got sent home then but both my parents told me I did the right thing.
My brother has autism, (not officially diagnosed, one time at the doctors mom listed a concern and the doctor just said "Autism, yeah.") And in no way, shape or form does he act like this. Sure, he has meltdowns from time to time, but we don't treat him differently cause of the Autism. Our family has a line of some kind of health or mental health problem. Anxiety, depression, ADD, ADHD, heart problems, auto immune disease, ect. No one in my family that I know personally has done this, and we all have something going on.
Call the cops on him, if they won't do anything then lay the boots to that rapist.
I really hope we can get an update. This poor young lady. I can not believe the SA he's gotten away with! It ridiculous. I really hope she can get a lawyer ( maybe do a GoFundMe) and press charges.
the school is at fault, they should have put the "autistic" guy on special program called aggression replacement training / social functioning training (but that would mean spending money, which for usalandian [edit: read article again, sorry - my bad, it wasnt in the usa] institutions is worse than death or the sod's parents would be angered - and nobody wants to annoy such fat cats) where he'd be taught social rules everybody else is supposed to follow in the so called life, yet they chose to use the "autism" label to avoid accepting any responsibility or doing anything for that matter
Might be a country that doesn't have those kind of programs available... I don't think this is the US as they explain that nursery = kindergarten. Not always the US.
Load More Replies... Autism is a difficulty, but not an excuse for terrible behavior. This is not the same thing that happens with typical autism. You had a bully and an abuser. And people around him were encouraging this? Lawsuit against the school district and town, would not be out of place. They are basically saying that abuse is OK as long as the abuser has a health issue. NOT! And to say that you should put up with it because you were his caretaker? You're not related to him, you didn't like him, and even if you were his caretaker this is beyond what is allowable. Glad you are getting some help. So sorry that's terrible thing happened to you. I am very liberal about caring for everyone, but that includes the abused. And the abused must be protected. No excuses.
Oh hell no. My daughter is 6 and she's non-verbal and autistic and if I could get her to stop touching my b**bies by redirecting her, a teenager who can be social and talk to others could learn too. I say shame on the teachers for not talking to him about how inappropriate it is. And also: his parents seem to be pillars of the community and I guess no one wanted to have him come home crying and saying he was bullied for his autism because she didn't allow it? People with autism often don't know that lying is a very serious ethical problem, perhaps? I am glad that at the least she finally can be free of his harassment.
Autistic human, here. I would also like to weigh in that no, his Autism is no excuse to sexually assault you or anyone else. The problem here is not only the dumbass "boys will be boys" c**p, but the fact that his behavior has been purposefully enabled for years. I agree with course of action taken; lawsuit, restraining order, and therapy, although his parents should be paying for it, not your amazing aunt. I am so sorry that this has not only happened, but perpetuated for so long against you. I hope you will be able to get past this and have a fantastic life.
NO mental illness or disability or anything remotely similar is ever an excuse for someone to behave is that way. EVER. If they truly can't control themselves something I don't believe for a second then they or their family or teachers should remove them from the situation. You never have to accept being treated that way by anyone no matter who they are or what "excuse they are using." I suppose newborns may be exempt from this though
As an autistic, I totally agree that it's no excuse. As I've said in other comments, I'm certain this kid has a behavioural disorder as well, perhaps NPD or something. All chronic, severe antisocial behaviour is indicative of a disorder. I could explain all the classifications, but that would take forever. Point is that you're right, no condition is an excuse for this, not even a behavioural disorder. The reason for discovering the underlying behavioural disorder would be to see if there might be an effective treatment to make him stop or not.
Load More Replies... Autistic person here. This woman had every right to defend herself. At the end of the day the groping kid probably learned a valuable lesson.
Are you as frustrated as me with all this? It's hard enough being neurodivergent in a world not built for us. People like this, who use their condition as an excuse for harming others make us all look bad.
Load More Replies... I have ADHD and I can't lie people baby me and think I'm an unstable maniac when in reality I'm pretty chill
I have autism and ADHD. Some people think I'm dangerous too, probably also because I'm taller and larger than average, so you know, the big, scary, dangerous oaf. The idea of hurting someone is abhorrent to me. That's why I hate it when people use their conditions as an excuse for antisocial behaviour, because they're not. I have poor executive function and suck at cleaning and organizing; yeah, that's ADHD. I can expect a bit of leeway for that. I leave the room if I'm overstimulated; yeah, that's autism. But deliberately harming people is not a symptom of either of those diagnoses. I've spent hours in this section, probably repeating myself too much, but I'm really hoping that at least a few people will realize that autism does NOT cause sexually predatory behaviour and there's something else going on with this kid. Chalking it up to autism makes us all look bad.
Load More Replies... this just makes me really angry. f*****g dipshit... i dont how other people see this and dont react.. they talk about equality, but are afraid of telling this piece of s**t off because they could come off as ableist... dumb a*s herd mentality
Autistic here... shrugging off his behaviour and telling her that she should accept it and let him harm her is the ableist thing. It's assuming that the boy was too stupid to understand he was doing something wrong (not true). It also gives other autistics a bad rap. Sexually predatory behaviour isn't a symptom of autism. That kid is a sociopath, and he's using his autism as an excuse to get away with it. I had someone do that to me as a child. I'll never fully recover. For over a decade, I felt totally trapped, believing I had to marry him (he was over 20 years older than me) when I grew up because that's what he wanted and he was disabled so he didn't understand he was wrong (I believe he did but didn't care) and I wasn't allowed to make him feel bad. I understand that girl's hell, the feeling of having no identity, no choices, all of it. I've puked twice in my time reading and commenting here. TLDR No it's not ableist to tell off a sexual predator. Please do it. Frequently.
Load More Replies... I have known plenty of people on the spectrum & never once were any of them predators. Nor did their neurodivergence make them incapable of understanding right from wrong. In fact, most of the people I know with autism are the exact opposite. They don't want to or like to be touched & therefore they don't touch other people. I understand autism is different for everyone. But all I'm trying to say is that Troy isn't an A*s joke creep because he's autistic. He's an a*****e creep because of the people around him who enable him & treat him like he's a stupid baby.. which is hella offensive considering most people with autism are 100% capable of learning and understanding basic concepts like "DONT TOUCH PEOPLE" they're giving him an out to be a predator. In a few years when he's an adult and it turns into something more & he hurts another woman, this time even worse... what's going to be their excuse then?
It's an almost universal trait across the whole spectrum to have strong compassionate and emotional empathy. Sexually predatory behaviour doesn't come from autism. The dude has something else going on like sociopathy. I love that you can see how horribly ableist it is for everyone to enable him like he's incapable of learning.
Load More Replies... Bυllshit he didn’t know what he was doing. I’m autistic myself, and if this little piece of shít is so dysfunctional that he can’t understand such basic rules of conduct, he can’t be allowed to roam free in society - he needs to be placed in a controlled environment for the rest of his life. He knew EXACTLY what he was doing and that it’s wrong and why. Destroy that little cοcksυcker, make him pay like everybody else. The autism thing is just an incorrectly used excuse - if he hadn’t been autistic, they’d have thought of something else. This whole scenario is just bizarre, I don’t get how it could possibly go on for that long and to such extremes. He gets cut no slack what so ever - he knew damned well what he was doing.
Featherking, on one hand I am sad that you have to feel so angry as I do as an autistic, seeing how this guy uses our natural evolutionary diversity that brings so much good to the world (if you haven't, research how much human progress has been made by neurodivergents) as an excuse to rape. On the other hand, there's a relief in knowing I'm not alone in my fury. I think it's also good for the neurotypicals reading this to see that the only people in this comment section who have so much as suggested that he's not at fault or that a rapist isn't always a bad person are neurotypicals. All autistics who have commented here have come down HARD on the sick little jerk.
Load More Replies... I'd sue the school as well, during school time it's the teachers responsibility to keep the pupils safe - if they fail to do so they are the ones accountable for any harm or crime a child falls victim to. And my personal rule of engagement: It doesn't matter who attacks you physically, ending the assault with injuring the attacker is always legit, no matter if it's a man, woman, child or somebody with a disability.
This makes my blood boil. ASD kids need to learn, like everyone else, how to behave appropriately with others. The CAN learn this. If we don't teach them at home first and then in the education sector, then we leave it for the justice sector to pick up the pieces.
ASD kid here... we often have trouble with boundaries, hence the struggle to behave appropriately with others. But deliberately sexually predatory behaviour is not a symptom of ASD. Something else is wrong with that kid.
Load More Replies... I worked with a guy who constantly sexually harassed me, and everyone including the managers told me that he was a little "slow" so it was ok. It's so wrong that people do this.
I'm sorry that happened to you. It's an unfortunate and frustrating thing that some people use their disabilities as an excuse to behave inappropriately. They know what they're doing is wrong, but they figure they can get away with it because of their condition. No, it's not right. It's never right. And most disabled are not like this, but the few that are give us all a bad name.
Load More Replies... Don't you think that there are times where people use mental issues as excuses to do something that they know is wrong?
Of course there are some. There are jerks in every demographic of society. But we have to see them as individual jerks, not as representative of the whole demographic. This post is horrifying for what that girl suffered. It also scares me because I don't want people looking at other autistics and painting us as predators.
Load More Replies... Sounds like his parents would rather let him SA OP rather than deal with him. Sad. Bring autistic doesn't give you a free pass to SA women (or men.)
I think if the school knew he was doing that I'd see a lawyer.
Absolutely nothing you did was wrong.! In fact I'd of kicked him in the gonads.
10 years from now, in court: Lawyer of autistic kid now a serial killer: He couldn't help it! He's autistic! Killing his victims was the best way to take care of himself!
Hopefully the prosecutor will have brains enough to bring forth experts who will testify that murdering people is not a symptom of autism and that the killer is just using it as an excuse.
Load More Replies... My son is autistic and the parents should have taught him to respect other people's boundaries long ago
This makes me so f*****g mad. why is this tolerated!? i would have punched him too
"I have xxx so I have a get of jail card" - Nope, doesn't work like that. Or, let me say it SHOULDN'T work like that. Sadly, for many in society it has always been this way and more so now due to the prolification of MSM and the card to trump all other cards... 'entitlement'. Everyone should be treated the same and with respect regardless of who you are (or who you 'think' you are).
Something you may not have learned from MSM... sexually predatory behaviour is not an autistic trait. His autism doesn't explain why he's doing this. If he ends up in court, all the prosecution has to do is bring up a few experts who will testify to that, and the autism defence goes out the window. Pretty much all serial killers and rapists have an underlying disorder, because all chronic antisocial behaviour is a disorder. But diagnosing doesn't create an excuse. The only benefit of the diagnosis is to see if there's possible treatment and get a reasonable prediction of if the offender will offend again. But then again, I'm not in the US and our justice system works differently. Also, I'm autistic and furious at this situation.
Load More Replies... I'm in my mid-30s and I'd punch Troy too, given the opportunity. He obviously needed to learn about consent and boundaries the hard way. What he did was assault on so many levels. I'd ask OP to swing again and harder this time if he still doesn't get the point.
I am tired of accommodating people that are abnormal. This young girl did the right thing. Because no doubt, she responded with reflex. If this boy has sexual urges, which, obviously he does, it needs to be controlled. I support this girl 100%.
Accommodating the disabled (disability/neurodiversity is a natural part of human evolution and is not "abnormal") does NOT mean excusing sexually predatory behaviour. Telling her to just put up with his assaults wasn't accommodation. It was enabling abuse. Please understand the difference. Accommodating autism in particular includes things like speaking very directly, as many of us find it hard to pick up on nuance, dimming lights and sound if the person is sensitive to that, and having peaceful spaces to help with overstimulation. The boy in question is autistic, but sexually predatory behaviour is not an autistic symptom. Struggling to understand boundaries is, but not being deliberately sexually predatory when you know damn well that you are harming the person, which this boy definitely does. He has something else going on. Sociopathy or something.
Load More Replies... That poor CHILD, a CHILD was put in that awful position, a position she shouldn't have been in, which could, no sorry SHOULD have been prevented, the op, through NO fault on her part ANYWHERE is going to be traumatised for years to come. That stupid little f***ing c***, regardless of his autism, is a predator, his teachers should have put a stop to that the first time in happened, he WILL eventually r*** someone, I'm glad op has moved away and getting help, the teachers and parents should be MADE to cover her therapy bills. If you're reading this op- God bless your heart, it was NEVER EVER your fault - your kind heart was taken for granted, but is was NEVER your fault. Please, PLEASE understand and belive that.
Women's self defense classes. Every woman needs them. I'm sorry it's that way and it sucks. But...everyone has a right to defend themselves and should have the knowledge.
As the mother of three autistic children (two also with ADD), this really saddens me. I would never allow my kids to do this to anyone. This is not right. I’d sue. I’d let the news know what’s going on. I would have expected a lot worse than a punch. That’s years of abuse for an excuse and no resolution. Can he rape people and it’s ok? Kill people? He’s autistic and it’s ok. No it’s not. Absolutely no. I’d sue. I’d get him out of the school. He’s an abuser and I’m so sorry you’re going through that
As an autistic person, I hate it that we are babied like this, autism is not an excuse for SA and should never be. "Troy" is just an a*****e who needs to be taught that groping isn't ok an that he needs to be nice and respectful of the person he likes. You wouldn't find me groping my crush because I know that it is wrong and I know that all of my neurodivergent friends would agree.
Veloxaraptor said pretty much everything I wanted to say about this, and much better than I would have. That's so disgusting I can't even... F**k Troy and f**k his enablers.
I had a similar situation when I was 10. Our school had a special needs class. One bitter Canadian winter day we were out for recess, and the wind was so biting and cold it seemed our whole school was huddled in the court yard where 3 walls were protecting us from the bitter wind. I was extremely shy and quiet and so sensitive. I with my small group of friends had our backs against one wall and this boy who was at least 15 years old but with a7 yr old development age came over to me and literally pinned me to the wall and said as loud as possible that he loved me and kissed me. I was frozen and terrified and I remember the duty teacher smiling with her head tilted with a look of aww while everyone was staring!It felt like eternity and when he pulled away, I sobbed hysterically and I got reprimanded for embarrassing him!
My daughter was always small for her age. In kindergarten she was being bullied by an older and much larger boy. She reported it, I reported it, but we always got the "boys will be boys" or "he must have a crush on her" bullsh*t. I taught her some self defense moves and the next time he pulled her hair, she kicked him as hard as she could in the nuts and he sank to the ground. Oh, NOW the principal wants to talk. Meeting with the boy's parents it was obvious they had no idea this had been going on (I'd kept a record of all the times I had complained about it). The Dad kept insisting my daughter be expelled. I countered with "pulling her pants down on the playground is sexual assault. How about I just file a police report that will follow him for the rest of his life?" They took the kid home & we never saw him again. (I mean he was transferred to another school, not disappeared).
As someone with Asperger's, I can say that this guy is a future sexual predator. As entitled and spoiled as he is, he's going to end up targeting the wrong girl and end up stabbed it shot by an angry father or boyfriend.
Mrs.Pugh I get the impression you've suffered from sexual assault, too. I'm sorry for whatever you went through. No one is suggesting sexual assault is dismissible. If you were to send this kid to prison he would come out a few months later with horrible PTSD, intense rage/terror issues, and the groping issue will almost certainly be unchanged. If this is handled appropriately he can learn how he was wrong and be better for it. Crushing him out of revenge and anger will only make everything worse.
1. No, I haven’t . I just hate when vile behavior is excused because someone is autistic or mentally disabled. 2. Damn that sucks for him? But at least op is no longer in danger. 3. I think he knows what he doing and he knows nobody will stop him because he’s autistic, he doesn’t know any better! 4. Crushing him out of revenge and anger? Be for real.
Load More Replies... I agree with you CatLady. I think the biggest source of Troy's issues right now is that he is suffering from a chronic lack of consequences for his actions. This is more the behavior of a spoiled brat with autism than just autism. My issue is that the consequences need to be appropriate and purposeful. Prison would just make him worse in every way. And yes, he needs to be isolated from this girl he is fixated on. A sad point is that even though none of those specific behaviors are indicative of autism, lacking impulse control is. He is lacking impulse control from both the autism, and the total lack of consequences for his actions.
John Topper. Lack of impulse control is a trait, yes, but the urge to sexually assault someone isn't a natural human impulse, nor is that obsessive drive to basically 'own' another human being. That's not even spoilt brat with autism. That's a deeper comorbid disorder. I'm an obsessive learner (my autistic special interest) , and everything I've studied on this topic (I sit in on neuroscience and behavioural psychology classes when the professors allow me), all chronic severe antisocial behaviour is a disorder. Researchers have spent the past 50 years grouping and classifying them. I can explain all the classifications but that would take like 100 comments to do. In short, all sexual predators have an underlying disorder. That isn't an excuse for their behaviour at all. But if a psychiatrist can pinpoint their exact disorder, it gives some idea of possible treatment and also tell predict if they'll be able to stop or will always be a public menace.
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