When you were a kid, did you believe that MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This" was a warning to children not to play with hammers? Did you think that babies came out of your butt? Maybe you thought that the moon was made of ice and could only come out at night so that the sun wouldn't melt it? If you answered yes to any of these then this list is for you. Compiled by Bored Panda, this hilarious collection of weird and wonderful things that people believed when they were kids is sure to make you laugh. Believe us!

#1

My dad was a manager at a local business and he would come home every few months talking about how he had to fire someone. In my four year old mind I pictured him taking bad employees to a small concrete structure in a remote location, putting them inside, and lighting them on fire. Had no idea it was just telling someone they can't work there anymore.
And somehow I was okay with my father being a serial killer, because Dad can do no wrong.

kmck96 Report

Amanda Panda 2 years ago

I thought something very similar when I watched the Jetson's and the boss always threatened to fire Mr. Jetson. I think as kids we think of things more literally when we hear such things.

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#2

As a kid I thought when a woman was getting chased by a bad guy on TV, I would think why won't the cameraman help her.

Lester Pickings Report

Tiny Dynamine 2 years ago

Thinking outside the box is good for a kid!

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#3

“I thought that ‘your penis would grow’ meant I’d grow more penises [as I got older].
You have no idea what the drawings of my grandpa looked like.”

giuliaf4a26132fa Report

Nadja Stöckl 2 years ago

i am crying XD

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#4

That I was special and that someday I'd meet a girl who'd love me for me. Thanks a lot mom.

Stabintheface Report

Skunk Drunk 2 years ago

Freud once said that subconsciously every man wanted to "marry his mother"...not incestously, just someone who reminded them of their mother's traits. The more you know...

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#5

That I was married to a family friend. I remember getting dressed up when I was about 3 and walking down the aisle with this girl. When I was 9 I learned that it was my cousin's wedding and that I was the ring bearer and she was the flower girl.

SonaBacha Report

Nancy Arnold 2 years ago

Lol cute

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#6

That white people pooped white. I'm an African American, so maybe you can understand the confusion.

keyboard_addict Report

Hans 2 years ago

And the realization of the fact probably changed your world view. "We are all pink on the inside" they say...all we all produce brown, badly smelling turds. Probably this is a wisdom that is particularly important now that politics are particularly...er...shitty.

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#7

“I thought you were pregnant the moment you had your period and the boy closest to you was the father. When I first got my period I was 9 and it was during Disney’s The Hunchback of Notre Dame. I screamed all the way home because I thought Quasimodo made me pregnant and I was going to have an ugly baby.”

kaliamonetc Report

Amanda Panda 2 years ago

I can't imagine hitting puberty that young. I wouldn't have been prepared. I was almost 15.

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#8

When I was a kid I used to think our cat was called 'In or out'

cluedont Report

Hans 2 years ago

I think many cats go by that name. Similar to the "Come here" dogs.

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#9

Right around the time i began to hit puberty i got a pug. A few weeks after we got him, blonde hair began coming in all over my body. For awhile after that i was unbellieveably scared that i was slowly morphing into a pug. This also affected my relationship with the dog because as much as i loved him, i kept thinking to myself i dont know if i can turn into a pug for him. then we learned about puberty in health class and i realized that i wasnt turning into a dog.

PhoneIsOnZeroPercent Report

Arty 2 years ago

I can't believe some children reaching puberty still have this kind of thought oO

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#10

I used to think that people laughed into their remote controls and that's why we could hear people laughing on a television show.

Andrea Daniel Report

Skunk Drunk 2 years ago

That's not remotely weird....I'll walk myself out now

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#11

When I was a kid I thought dogs and cats were the same species; just dogs were male and cats were female. Blew my little 7 year old mind when my dog got pregnant!

Heather Wilkinson Report

Amanda Panda 2 years ago

I honestly think this is a general assumption, its very common for people to refer to dogs as "he/him" and cats as "she/her" prior to knowing the gender.

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#12

I thought that I was a secret-agent-alien with my own TV show for the people back on the "home planet". Kind of a sort of Exposing earthlings type thing. Every Saturday I would quite literally narrate my entire day, from morning to night, explaining how the Earth works and begging "them" to "please please please come and bring me back home soon". I did this until I was around 8, and my mother has most episodes of my TV show on tape.

kill_the_peasants Report

Kipper Mcgee 2 years ago

That sounds like a cool TV show.

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#13

I used to believe that teachers lived at school inside of their classrooms.

Dm2593 Report

Amanda Panda 2 years ago

Yes, even slipped up a few times and called the teacher "mom"

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#14

I thought that people with large butts just held their poop in for too long.

penny2cents Report

Amanda Panda 2 years ago

That would explain why the Kartrashians are so full of $h!+

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#15

When I was 4 my mom was 9 months pregnant with my brother and we got into a minor car accident that forced her into labor. So until about 3rd grade I thought you had to get into a car accident to have a baby.

olivergrayson Report

Doug Kirk 2 years ago

We were on our way to the hospital to have our 2nd (my wife was being induced) and we got rear ended. Totaled the car. Ambulance took us the rest of the way. She no longer needed to be induced. That kicked it into gear. (Nobody was hurt, my son came out happy as a camper. He is 5 now.)

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#16

I thought it was still medieval times in England.

Ilmara Report

Hans 2 years ago

I guess England is just taking the direction towards it. Well, probably half of the world currently is.

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#17

That adults had everything figured out. That when I got to college, I would miraculously know what it was I wanted to do with my life, find the perfect job after I graduated and maintain a stable group of amazing friends who helped me along the way.

crunchyturtles Report

Hans 2 years ago

I think many people applying for college still have that believe. And those continuing to university or directly to some job probably still sustain it...

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#18

I spent my first 8 years in Russia where sex was a topic that was never discussed. As a result, I had no idea about it. I mean, none.
I thought that babies came as a result of liking someone a lot. I had a huge crush on some boy in my 1st grade class and at one point when I was constipated, I thought it was our child forming. I remember thinking, "oh no, I'm too young for this!"

Iamkittyhearmemeow Report

Hans 2 years ago

The funny this is, it shows you that condemning talking about sex probably is not the best idea education-wise.

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#19

I convinced myself that my saliva would work like a narcotic on chocolate easter bunnies, so they would't feel the pain of me eating them.
I made sure to lick their ears carefully, then wait a few seconds until the stupefaction set in before munching them down.

AsicsGirl Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

awww consederite

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#20

“I spent a pretty long time thinking gay sex was when two men stabbed at each other with their penises, sword-fighting style. Boy, was I wrong.”

jakeolantern Report

Hans 2 years ago

I guess many people believe this even as adults, particularly from the homophobic community.

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#21

True story: When I was a kid, I thought that MC Hammer's "U Can't Touch This" was a warning to kids not to play with hammers.

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Hans 2 years ago

:)

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#22

I thought that everyone heard the same thing but it sounded different to foreigners.
So when a spanish person said 'Hola' i presumed their friend would hear the noise of 'hello' and it was just people from different countries that heard it differently.

reddit Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

that is suprusingly smart and very complex

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#23

When I was little I thought the two prices on the backs of books for US & Canada were different bc you got charged more if you were Canadian.

ashleyfeinberg Report

Hans 2 years ago

How right you were...

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#24

When I was 5 or so, I used to think that everything 100 years ago was all black and white, clothes, buildings, whatever. All because of black and white photographs. :(

Random_Input Report

Hans 2 years ago

Wait...there was colour in 1900?

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#25

“I thought that men got pregnant with boys and women got pregnant with girls.”

Erinne Beachler Report

Hans 2 years ago

Fair enough.

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#26

I used to believe that quitting something 'cold turkey' meant that you ate cold turkey instead of smoking or doing whatever else they're trying to quit. I figured that since cold turkey doesn't sound that delicious, they must be so distracted by how annoying cold turkey tastes that they forget about their addiction.

Ben Report

Caroline Murphy 2 years ago

I quite like cold turkey. So if only this was true, because I'm a smoker so that would be one way to convince me to quit

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#27

I figured the moon was made of ice. And it only came out at night so the sun couldn't melt it.

reddit Report

Hans 2 years ago

Clever moon.

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#28

We had very ill fitting windows when I was a child.
My parents would often complain about keeping the curtains closed to keep the 'draughts' out.
I naturally assumed they were saying 'giraffes'.
Spent a few years living in fear that angry giraffes roamed the neigbourhood and would smash through any uncovered windows to try and get to the light.

Husper Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

i am picturing that in my head made my day

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#29

I used to believe that sex was only done in the hospital, and doctors would watch as the couple had sex. I believed this until I was 13.

Matt Report

Hans 2 years ago

Wow...some countries do neither seem to have sex education nor parents who take care of this. The story is funny, though...

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#30

I believed that each child was born with some sort of tool/appliance or whatever to symbolize what they'd become when they grow up. Like, if you were going to become a doctor, you'd be born with a stethoscope and they'd keep it for you till you grow into your role.

KaJaeger Report

Hans 2 years ago

Hope I will eventually find my tool. :)

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#31

When I was about four, our kindergarden teacher told us that there would be a fire simulation in the next few weeks when the firemen would come to our school. I was terrified, because I thought they would set our school on fire to teach us what to do in case a real fire started, and I was unsure whether the firemen would be able to deal with the fire before everything was destroyed.

Silly Report

Olivia W 2 years ago

One time when I was 7 I got bored in class so I started fiddling with my shoes, taking them off and on again and then a fire drill started. I had to walk on the roof of the building through the fire escape in mud without shoes all while a teacher yelled at me for not being careful enough

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#32

Not me but when we were little my brother honestly believed he could grow up to be an ice cream truck. Not an ice cream man, an ice cream truck.

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Hans 2 years ago

Aspirations!

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#33

That the bands would actually be on stand by at the radio station and perform live in the studio. Every band from Backstreet boys to Elvis.

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Hans 2 years ago

What did you think then when tuning stations and discovering two played the same title at a time, but they were at different positions? Magic!

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#34

Once when I was a kid, I heard my mum fart and when I asked if that was her she replied: "No, mothers have lost their capapility to fart." For the longest time I believed her and couldn't wait until I bacame a mum so I didn't have to fart anymore.

Silly girl Report

Hans 2 years ago

What a pleasant thought...just think you imagined the endless pain of being tubed up with no chance of releasing the pressure...

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#35

“When I use to see guys with sagging pants, I thought their penises were extremely long and that’s why their pants were so low.”

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Amanda Panda 2 years ago

They wish

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#36

That there were spaghetti farms....every time we drive by a field with hay on it my Dad told me it was a spaghetti farm...

motherofabeast Report

Hans 2 years ago

Well: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tVo_wkxH9dU This is from the 1950s and made people storm gardening centers, trying to purchase Spagehtti Trees.

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#37

That sex was just kissing naked. It's all I ever saw on t.v. sex scenes that slipped by my parents "don't look!" stage. When I finally had "the talk" with my dad he started off talking about sperm and how it makes babies. Freaked out, I yelled "it goes in her mouth?!" Still thinking that it was just kissing naked.

Fortembras88 Report

Phishcat 2 years ago

Haha I thought the same thing. That's why I thought it was okay to go around talking about sex even though I was in like elementary school.

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#38

After seeing some sort of Egyptian exhibit at a museum as a child, I asked repeatedly on the way home why there were only mummies and no daddies.
The daddy issues started young with this one.

Megan Rasmussen Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

wow but why are they called mummies any way

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#39

“Until I was 16 I thought male pubic hair covered the whole penis. Like the whole thing. All of it.”

Rebekah Hickson Report

JillVille Child Care 2 years ago

I had heard a penis called a prick and thought that the end must be sharp to call it that. I had that belief for a long time.

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#40

When I was little I thought birds were having important meetings when they sat together on the telephone wires.

Leah Report

Shari H 2 years ago

They are

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#41

I thought the big sound barrier walls on the side of the highway were to keep back elephants.
I thought this because my father told me that's what they were for.

NaptownSwagger Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Another joker dad. I know because my husband is one.

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#42

I thought that it was really smart that my great grandparents had had the foresight to name my grandpa Grandpa.

penny2cents Report

Tiny Dynamine 2 years ago

He must have suffered a terrible childhood though!

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#43

That all of the children living in Great Britain got to have tea with the Queen once in their lives

kikislipservice Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

I think the Queen would love that.

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#44

I mixed up the words 'matches' and 'mattresses', so when people told me "don't play with matches" I thought they meant that mattresses were dangerous things prone to catching on fire if you played on them. I wondered why we would sleep on something so dangerous. Never had the joy of jumping on the bed until much later in life, when I learned the difference between the two, and that jumping on the bed would not result in spontaneous combustion.

Ziatus Report

Hans 2 years ago

Well...in a Michael Bay movie it still could.

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#45

I thought baby showers involved actual showering. This was supported by the fact that my mom wouldn't let me go because only women were going.

Wiseguy72 Report

Tiny Dynamine 2 years ago

Mental image.... I'm happy with that... :D

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#46

I thought that when you ate food, it went all the way down to your feet, then filled up from there.

schwagle Report

guess 2 years ago

I had a nightmare when I was little... A strange traveling man visited our home carrying a black suit case with a purple crystal key chain. My mother told me not to touch it as she and the man went into the kitchen to prepare a meal and chat a while. Naturally, I touched the crystal and it fell off, slicing the skin from my index finger to my ankle. All the food I'd ever eaten fell out onto the floor, but they were in whole pieces as if I hadn't chewed them up... and when my mother returned she was annoyed and only kind of freaked out. Anyway, that's just what this reminded me of.

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#47

When I was little my big sister told me to say hi and be nice to the mannequins at the mall because they were people too!

Judy Report

Hans 2 years ago

This is a scary thought. "The day of the walking mannequins" could be a C-movie.

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#48

There are far fewer Tunnel of Love rides than cartoons would have you believe.

chmurph Report

Hans 2 years ago

Alas.

#49

That the black market was actually at some secret location where people came and had stands like you would at a farmers market and if the police came everyone took their stuff down and ran away before they'd get caught.

babybluebirds Report

Shari H 2 years ago

Also, it was dark and full of shady, mercenary types.

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#50

That my mom grew up in a black and white world because all pictures of her childhood were black and white.

TheSuperSucker Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

my mom dyed her hair when i was to young to remember so i used to think that her old pictures where my grandma

#51

I used to think that if a child wore glasses, that child was smart. This didn't mean that I thought children who didn't wear glasses were not smart, just that wearing glasses was a reliable indicator. Then, Mary Beth C. got glasses, and I KNEW she wasn't smart. There went the glasses=smart theory.

Ben Report

Socially Awkward 2 years ago

I wear glasses and I'm stupid.

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#52

Growing up I thought people shooting guns at my feet and saying "dance" was going to be more of an issue

shutupmikeginn Report

Master Markus 2 years ago

I had a good laugh at this. There are a lot of cartoon situations that just don't show up much in real life.

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#53

The area I grew up in is surrounded by mountains. It's basically a bowl. When I was but a wee lad I used to think that nothing existed beyond these mountains and that if I were to scale the tallest peak of the highest mountain all I would see beyond in every direction forever would be mountains.

lazarushowcouldyou Report

Tiny Dynamine 2 years ago

That's actually a lovely idea!

#54

“Until I was 8 I thought babies came out of your butt.”

Stayce Tylicki Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

until i was 12 i thought the vagina was on the butt

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#55

I thought women got pregnant by overeating. I told my mom to eat more so I could have a little brother.

OddFeline Report

Caroline Murphy 2 years ago

Thank god that's not true.. I don't want kids and I eat way too more than I should

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#56

When you eat an apple and accidentally swallowed the seeds, an apple tree would grow inside you.

jaztro Report

Lexi 2 years ago

My Nanna told me this when i was very young, I was petrified of eating apples just in case I didn't see the seed and it went into my tummy!

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#57

I used to squeeze my balls because I thought I would pee faster.

LARGABLARG Report

Ela S 2 years ago

LOL

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#58

I saw a lot of Geico commercials. I thought that "15 minutes could save you 15% or more on car insurance" meant that the longer you talked on the phone, the more money you would save. If you could keep them busy for 100 minutes, your insurance was free!

Miranda Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

again very complex

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#59

“I used to think that the penis moved itself, like some weird psychosexual robot. The girl would turn the guy on and lie down and the guy would position himself and his dick would, like, have at it.”

beckyt5 Report

Hans 2 years ago

Cyber sex visionary?

#60

For the longest time when I was a kid I thought the nazis in The Sound of Music were saying "Hi, Hitler".

morninggloria Report

cloud 2 years ago

There's nazis in The Sound of music?

#61

When my dad said something cost "Fifty bucks" I thought he was trading deer for merchandise. I finally got curious and asked him if they were live bucks or dead ones, and where exactly was he keeping all these deer anyway.

John_Barlycorn Report

EM 1 year ago

Used to think it was any drink and only found out that it was certain drinks when I asked my mom if I could drink my apple juice in the car.

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#62

That the words on maps were actually giant letters in the sky.
They were not.

reddit Report

Meike Henneman 2 years ago

You should try reading the Philemon comics..https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Philémon_(comics)

#63

I always assumed Santa was a first generation Ukrainian immigrant with a drinking problem.
Turns out my parents just took me to the cheap mall.

slowhand88 Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

wow

#64

I thought my dad was black... I went to a catholic school with all white people at the time. My dad was just a really tan white guy. The story of how I found out my dad was not black was great. It was MLK day and I told my mom "Mom, I am so happy for MLK because if it were not for him you and dad might not be together today." She then told me the truth. I was pretty shocked to say the least lol.

M1g1v3r111 Report

Leanna Arcturus 2 years ago

Lol!

#65

When I was 8 I asked my dad if we could go to disneyland, he told me we didn't have enough money for it, so I suggested we go to the bank to get some. Thats when he had to explain he needs to put the money in before he can take it out. This notion seemed like madness to me, I couldn't figure out what the point of it was, though he did try to explain it to me...but at that moment I realized money doesn't magically come out of an ATM machine.

Anon Report

Hans 2 years ago

Many adults with overdrawn credit card account still more or less believe that ATMs are not connected to accounts where you put income to. The sad this is.

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#66

You know how cigarettes come with health warnings on the box? Well, one of the warnings used to be "Cigarettes cause impotence", and since I was a kid and didn't know what "impotence" was, I assumed they just made a spelling mistake and meant to write "Cigarettes cause importance". I thought it meant that if you smoke cigarettes, it would make you more important. Which I thought weird, since being important is a good thing

Tom Report

Superluminal1 2 years ago

The tobacco companies still promote that idea.

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#67

When I was 4 I overheard my mom talking to my dad about a doctor's appointment she had. I asked her if she was going to see Dr. Pepper, as I believed this was the only doctor there was.

Tom Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

well thats cool

#68

“I used to think that if a man touched a woman’s boobs she would get pregnant. Just automatically, as soon as she was touched, she started growing a fetus. Like, boob touch… POOF! Pregnant!”

Theresa Murphy Report

Hans 2 years ago

Easy job!

#69

I thought Jello was alien meat.

leaningtowel Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

The Blob.

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#70

I thought that islands were actually land floating on the sea and that you could swim under them if you tried.

GarethPW Report

BoredBunnies 2 years ago

I learned from The Magic School Bus books. Yes, they were books.

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#71

I thought my food had feelings even after I ate it. So I'd constantly ask my parents "Will the food be happy in my tummy?" and I'd also "save it for later" because I didn't want the food to be mad at me. To be fair, it was primarily stuff like chicken & beef, not just fruits and vegetables haha. :p I'd also tell each bite "Goodbye here's a hug & a kiss." I was a weird kid.

_mnmlst Report

meow point1 1 year ago

Reminds me of Yo Gabba Gabba. It's weird in that episode where the talking food says, "we want to go to the party in your tummy." I like parties, but I wouldn't want to go to one in anything's tummy.

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#72

That if I ate watermelon seeds then drank water, a watermelon would grow inside of me.

Mustafasyed Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

common actually

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#73

Not directly related to Santa Claus, but when I first heard of Cupid from classical mythology, I immediately thought of Cupid, one of Santa's reindeer. I figured they must be one and the same, since they're both mythological figures who can fly. When asked how this is possible, I explained that Cupid is an angel the rest of the year, but transforms himself into a reindeer at Christmastime. The other reindeer can do this too, but they tend to keep on the down-low because they're shy.

Rocketman Report

Meike Henneman 2 years ago

This one deserves more upvotes

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#74

I used to think that there were little people inside traffic lights who pressed buttons to make them change from green to yellow to red.

kars4kidz Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

You mean there aren't?

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#75

“I used to think sex consisted of each person literally kissing each other’s butt cheeks.”

kimberleyb428486db6 Report

Hans 2 years ago

No, that describes a typical office job hirarchy.

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#76

“When I was younger, I thought that for some strange reason ‘spooning’ was putting a spoon up your partner’s butt to relieve constipation. My friends would talk about spooning and I would just visualize a cold spoon and shiver.”

kennedyjoc Report

guess 2 years ago

I once made a joke about a spoon in middle school and one of my smartest friends hissed at me from across the table "no u can't do that shh" and when I asked her why she said "I heard a joke about "spooning" in an inappropriate comedy act I'm pretty sure it's sexual" and we were all like WOAH

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#77

For a few weeks straight, I was absolutely convinced that I was the Wind God.
I had this blue fly swatter, and whenever I lifted it into the air the wind would blow. It was happening so consistently that I felt comfortable showing my friends my special power. Of course, it stopped working. Turns out it was just windy for a few weeks during fall, and I was not the Wind God.

inmynothing Report

Tiny Dynamine 2 years ago

I used to think I was the rain god! At school, when it rained I'd chant "Stop, rain" until it did then claimed it was because of me. (I'd usually give up after about 5 minutes though!)

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#78

I thought that languages were all just ciphers of each other. Like I thought it was possible to translate a word into any language by translating it one letter at a time.

Scrotinger Report

Claudia Garcia 2 years ago

A friend of mine once asked me if "Pop" menat "Pi" in portuguese and I asked why and then he said "-Because "Pop Corn" means "Pipoca" so obviously "Pop" could only mean "Pi" and "Corn" mean "poca"..."

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#79

For some reason, I thought sealing air in a bag would result in a zero gravity environment.
My mom would pack my lunch in a plastic grocery bag and I vividly remember blowing air into the bag while I still had some food left in it and would wonder why my food wasn't floating around in the bag.

Theonlykd Report

#80

I remember asking my father why does the moon follow our car everywhere when we are driving at night

SonaBacha Report

Stella Marrs 2 years ago

Yeah I did to.

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#81

When I was a child I was afraid of being in a horror movie so I'd sing copyrighted songs and mention competitive brands. That way I knew I wasn't in a movie.

PoisonousPlatypus Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Very smart of you to think of that. Mensa?

#82

My mom frequently used to say "if you believe that I've got some swamp land in Florida to sell you." When I was ten or so my Mom was upset over some money problems and I told her- "you can just sell that swamp land that you have in Florida." I felt very silly but at least it cheered her up.

superduperinkpen Report

#83

“I thought that when a woman wanted a baby she’d write a letter and burn it. Then the spirit of multiple babies would come and sniff her butt. The one that liked it the most would be her baby.”

Dan Meth Report

Tiny Dynamine 2 years ago

Wow, that is one crazy idea!

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#84

Growing up I thought Sheryl Crow's name was Cher L. Crow. Sometimes when I'm down, I still like to think that.

shutupmikeginn Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Good for you. In a gotta Lotia Vita !

#85

When I was a kid, I thought having diabetes was the deepest darkest secret you could have. Thanks, Babysitters Club.

hellolanemoore Report

Too Lazy To Care 🐼 2 years ago

I remember these books!

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#86

I thought a bear lived in our fridge. I have no idea why, and no idea how I managed to explain never seeing it.

Tutush Report

Timothy D. 2 years ago

ice bear approves of this statement.

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#87

I believed that after I left school everyone stopped carrying on with their lives, until I saw them the next day. Like robots.

reddit Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

hmm i used to think that only pepole i saw or thouht of moved or existed at that time

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#88

That the underground railroad was literally a railroad. I mean yeah it's great that a loose network of abolitionists helped slaves to freedom but it would have been way cooler if it was a real railroad. You take an escaped slave, lead him into a cave and this train pulls up and it's like "all aboard the FREEDOM TRAIN!" choo choo

lukepa Report

Jespren Ray 2 years ago

There are actually a lot of accounts of run away slaves who were under this impression to, so you were in good company at least.

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#89

I was convinced that if I didn't pull out a wedgie my pants would have a hole in them because my mum said that my bum was hungry and was eating my pants but I was scared if I pulled it out my fingers would get bitten off

Winslar Report

Master Markus 2 years ago

Why!? WHY DID YOUR MOM SAY THAT!?

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#90

I thought ants lived in the car antennae and played tiny little instruments.

EmperorSexy Report

Beatrice Alighieri 2 years ago

This is so cute, the music on the car radio being played by ants with tiny little instruments...

#91

I used to think that shoulder blades are where your wings grow from when you become an angel.

Polite_as_F Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Me to and I still think that so don't go and spoil it for me or anyone else.

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#92

I believed someone sat and watched cameras at each traffic light and decided when to change them. I would get so mad at them when we were stuck at a light for too long.

esmebeauty Report

Too Lazy To Care 🐼 2 years ago

This is exactly what I believed when I was young! I'm not alone!

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#93

I believed that my uncle who passed away was the man in the moon. I thought I could see his face in the moon.

terceslil Report

Quinn Purdy 2 years ago

That's pretty darn cute

#94

That as long as I tucked the bed covers under my feet the monsters couldn't grab me.

reddit Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

And don't forget your head, hair, nose, I just don't know how we made it this far.

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#95

That I had psychic powers, but I was unable to use them yet, as I was too young. One day they'll come... One day...

pseudoxan Report

Timothy D. 2 years ago

That was always fun to try and knock over that cup of water with your mystical magical mind powers and crap

#96

My parents told me that the bread crusts were the healthiest parts of the bread, presumably so that I'd eat them. I believed that until I was 14.

Yodaskool Report

Leanna Arcturus 2 years ago

Haha! That sucks. I still don't like bread crusts

#97

If you lifted a dog's tail and looked up it's butt, you could see out of the dog's eyes. Thanks dad.

Slightly_Fazed Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

On this one I think you dad did not like you. Did you get him back?

#98

Having no understanding of relative weight and lift, as a little kid I was convinced that if you could snag a bird in something like a bag and hold on to it, you'd be lifted along with it when it tried to fly upward. Fortunately, I never had occasion to test this

Aron Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Thank goodness.

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#99

When I was little my dad told me that when he got something in his eye he used to go to the hospital where they would take our his eyeball which was on a long string and wash it in a bowl! For ages I thought our eyes could be taken out on long strings!

Emma Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Bad funny Dad.

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#100

When I was about 4 or 5, I asked my mom what happened to the bath water once it went down the drain. She told me it went to a plant. She meant a water refinery plant, but for a while after that, I thought that somewhere out there was a plant so big it needed everyone's bath water to grow.

Rachel Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Did you ever tell anyone this?

#101

I used to believe that when I turned 6 I would turn into a boy! My brother and sister had me convinced their baby pictures were each others. I think I was more nervous the day before my 6th birthday then any other day in my life.

Melissa Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Siblings can be so cruel.

#102

At home when I was bored, my mother would tell me to go outside and lay on the ground because I might be able to see Pegasus, the mythological Greek flying horse. So I'd lay out in the yard all day looking up at the sky for Pegasus and being very quiet so not to scare him away. I just knew he'd fly by at any time.

Nikki Report

#103

I used to believe that for pee, I had to press my bellybutton.

hashtagchat Report

#104

“When I was a kid, I used to think that if someone didn’t flush the toilet and they had gone pee (and they were the opposite sex of you) and you went pee too that it would make a baby.”

amandab164 Report

Jhoa 2 years ago

I used to not flush the toilet as a kid, because I wanted it to fill up for once, and was always disappointed when I found someone had flushed it while I was away.

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#105

“When I was in kindergarten a classmate told me that having sex was when you took little toy dinosaurs and rubbed them on your private parts and I believed her.”

Britney Hose Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

well so what

#106

“I used to think that balls were inside the penis instead of being two separate things.”

amandalynnel Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

what are you a girl or boy

#107

“I thought the hymen covered the entire entrance of the vagina, and I was convinced that in order to have sex the penis would have to puncture the hymen like punching through a wall.”

lauracorinas Report

Maria Kumar 2 years ago

The Truth About Hymens And Sex by College Humour: https://youtu.be/PM79UBTwfsg

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#108

When I was a kid I thought I'd get sucked into way more mirrors as an adult.

amfmpm Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

You were , you just don't know it.

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#109

When i was a kid i thought grapefruits were called Great Fruits because there is already a grapefruit (grapes) and they are great.

dyingvirgin Report

J.E.C. 2 years ago

same here

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#110

I believed that the name on a funeral home was for your family. Thus, if it was Jenkins' funeral home, all the Jenkins had to be buried there. It used to upset me thinking how far some people had to travel to get to their family's funeral home.

brentfield Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Poor thing. I thought funeral homes were where people go to die there so I was never going to go there!

#111

You were rich if you had a refrigerator with a built in ice maker.

Velorium_Camper Report

Shari H 2 years ago

That used to be sort of true.

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#112

Gnomes lived under my bed and if I let my arm dangle off the bed while I was sleeping, they'd kidnap me and make me their queen. You know. In accordance with gnome monarchical tradition.

lunalives Report

Sienna Blackspring 2 years ago

Like in gravity falls?

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#113

I was convinced that brown and white cows produced chocolate milk and that black and white cows produced white milk... I grew up in Wisconsin and saw cows on a regular basis.. I was a very confused kid.

roguex8 Report

J.E.C. 2 years ago

Yep, lot's of kids thought this

#114

I thought if someone kissed me we were married.

Snow_Rain Report

J.E.C. 2 years ago

hm, how would divorce work? I didn't know I was a polygamist

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#115

I thought the Easter Bunny was a 7 foot tall monster that would kill me mercilessly if I set foot downstairs before it had finished hiding the eggs.

B0bsterls Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Another set of Bad Bad Parents.

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#116

I used to think adults could read my mind and that when people turned 18 you magically gained the gift of reading children's minds.

realdevilsadvocate Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

So did my children.

#117

I used to believe that whatever the weather was where I was, then it was that weather all over the planet. Like if it was raining by me, then it was raining all over the Earth at the same time.

Hilluf_Shovel Report

Timothy D. 2 years ago

tornadoes would be world ending

#118

I thought I was the only one who saw things in 1st person, and everyone else saw themselves in 3rd person.

AsylumAddiction Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

well prove that we see in first person

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#119

I thought that there was ocean under all land. I was always terrified that a shark might rip through the ground and eat me.

Khoram33 Report

Timothy D. 2 years ago

LANDSHARK RETURNS

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#120

I thought that there were little ant people in my stomach who lived a in a little hut and lived in family units. They dressed like peasants. Their job was to take the food I ate for themselves and make poop to push outside my body. When my cousin told me that if I ate seeds the fruit would grow inside of me, I purposely started eating watermelon seeds to reward the ant people for their hard work.

Gab Report

meow point1 2 years ago

I remember when I was either seven, eight or nine I was watching TV and an ad came on for acid reflux tablets and I said, "So there's a pool of hot acid in a lot of people's stomachs and these pills get rid of it?!"

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#121

When I was in 1st grade, I heard adults say Google knew everything so I wondered why police didn't use it to find criminals' locations. I came up with my own conclusion that is because Google knows everything, Google will also tell the criminals that now the police already know where they are and they would run away. Since it's a waste of time, the two sides agree not to use it.

Natchanon Kadkaew Report

Shari H 2 years ago

When I was in 1st grade google was just a really big number, as in a googlty-million dollars (that is way more than a billion). Now I feel a google years old.

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#122

When I was little, my mom told me that when there was a thunder and lightning storm that my papa and his angel friends were bowling in heaven.

Molly Simpson Report

queen...<3 2 months ago

aww<3 ^^

#123

When I was little I thought broccoli were little trees from a world of little people. I have no idea where that idea came from.

Antonio Fabiola Malave Report

Beatrice Alighieri 2 years ago

Same here! :) And I called cauliflower "little trees" as well

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#124

When I was a kid, I thought when you moved you had to find someone who wanted to live in your home and trade with them.

myqkaplan Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

well to be fair you do trade just with money soo i mean not that wrong

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#125

That if no eyes were laid upon me, including my own, my skin was green. Have no idea why I thought this. Maybe I'm one of this reptilianizers.

un1cornbl00d Report

#126

My mom once told me to pull my arms into my shirt so she could spin it around. I some how got it in my head that she spun my torso around and then I tried to do it for years. Good times.

mroriginal1984 Report

#127

I used to think that characters that die in movies actually get killed. This leads me to the only reasonable conclusion that they are all criminals given a last chance to leave their mark on the world... Rip imagination.

hade15 Report

Jhoa 2 years ago

I used to think that as well :)

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#128

That my dolls and toys came alive when I slept. I hope to god they didn't...

Othello43 Report

Jon Watts 2 years ago

I'm just picturing Optimus and megatron playing poker using a really small doll size deck of cards I got out of a vending machine, each one was legible and had a full set

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#129

I thought that you had a set amount of blood. I didn't realize that the body makes more. So I freaked out at any cut because I thought I was losing something that I couldn't get back and that it would eventually lead to death if I lost enough through these tiny cuts.

SonaBacha Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Well that's why we screamed our heads off when we were little and got a scrape or cut and it bled out.

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#130

When people got fired from their job, they were blindfolded and a firing squad would shoot them.

Endecrix Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

OKay I said this a long while back. humm

#131

Fan death. That sleeping with the fan on would kill me in my sleep.

Lolzzergrush Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Must be from China. They told their people that story so that China could save electricity.

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#132

I was sure that if I worked out, went to Karate, and practiced hard enough I could shoot beams of energy out of my hands like in Dragon Ball Z.

ThatCrossDresser Report

💖 Stacy Rae 💖 2 years ago

So... Can you?

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#133

I was about 4 years old on a boat trip round a harbour when the tour guide pointed some big old ships moored at the side of the harbour explaining that the boats were "being run with just a Skeleton Crew". I turned to my dad an exclaimed,"Eugh, imagine having to step over all those dead bodies"

Brian Report

#134

As a child with nothing to do, my mother would give me a salt shaker and tell me if I could put salt on a bird's tail, I could catch it. I spent many days running around trying to put salt on a bird's tail and never succeeded.

Nikki Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Putting salt on a birds tail was a story I heard from I think reading Ring Lardner and short stories. Or something like that. Folk tale stories.

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#135

You know how kids get balloons at birthday parties and stuff? I always took them home and they stuck around until they started deflating, at which point they would disappear. I thought that balloons disappeared once they started to deflate. Turns out, my mom would throw them away while I was out of the house because she knew I would be distressed by the loss of my balloon. I didn't realize the truth until I was like 9 or 10.

greeneyeris Report

#136

Little kid me thought that you had a random chance at shitting out a baby when you pooped. I checked every time. No one taught me anything, I guess you can say.

Hollie Dutton Report

#137

“Until very recently I had this conceptualization that penises were like vaginas but inside out, spongy, and self-lubricating, kind of like slugs. This meant that I was extra horrified when men left the bathroom without washing their hands, because I imagined them covered in some sort of penis juice.”

bubblegumsax Report

Bella Zyla Harder 2 years ago

Hey, even Vesalius thought the same thing (but exactly different in that Vaginas were inverted penises) and he was an anatomist

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#138

“I accidentally saw my dad’s penis when I was around 3 or 4, but then somehow changed the memory of this in my mind so that it had looked like a unicorn horn. I legit thought that penises looked like unicorn horns until the third grade.”

elleh400b602e8 Report

Tiny Dynamine 2 years ago

Only if they are the royal families' dicks.

#139

When I was a kid, I thought that scene in Ghostbusters where Dan Ackroyd got a spooky BJ was a ghost taking off his belt cuz he ate too much.

MikeDrucker Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

well at least inoccents wins

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#140

I thought that when there where "walks to find the cure", I actually believed they where searching on the ground for the cure.

MySlipperGameIsDope Report

BoredBunnies 2 years ago

You talking about JDRF? They made us do that in third, fourth, and fifth grade. Watermelon and juice, though.

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#141

I was confused as to why firemen were heroes. Grammar error on the part of my 4-year-old self; I thought that they put fires out... as in placed them out in the world.

deereverie Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

ME TOO but I saw them with gas torches instead of fire hoses.

#142

For the longest time I thought that Dire Straits was the name of the one musician. As in Mr and Mrs Straits named their son 'Dire'.

Philofelinist Report

Tiny Dynamine 2 years ago

Sick people!

#143

I thought each individual streetlight was operated and controlled by someone below that intersection.

ralfaroni Report

#144

I thought people spontaneously switched gender between ages 10 and 30. I didn't think it happened to everyone. I have no idea why I thought this.

TheGrunyan Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Some one told you and you forgot who .

#145

That woman gave birth to girls and men have birth to boys. Took me a bit to get my head round the truth especially with my young self exclaiming that being female "wasn't fair"!

DevilInHerHeart_ Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

I always wanted to be a boy until I got tits and someone said I was pretty.

#146

My parents told me something similar. The speech was something along the lines of "When a mommy and daddy like each other and kiss and stuff, something from the daddy goes into the mommy to make a baby."
Based on the explanation, I assumed that kissing was the important part and it was some substance inside saliva that caused babies to happen. They weren't very amused when I started asking them why two mommies couldn't have a baby in front of my very conservative grandparents.

Zirai Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

well

#147

While I was still in preschool I used to think that steaks and ribs were actual animals, not parts of an animal.

Duke_of_Fruits Report

#148

I thought I would shrink if I stayed in the bathtub too long.

laterdude Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Well the shrinking of the skin would start by wrinkling up...

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#149

I believed that African American people saw everyone as brown people because their eyes are brown.

terceslil Report

YsaPur 2 years ago

And what colour are your eyes?

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#150

If I didn't haul ass up the stairs after getting an ice pop in the basement the "monster under the stairs" would grab my legs and pull me down into the depths with him.

Stinkybelly Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Oh my you had a ghost in your house that spooked under the stairs.

#151

When I was 6 I used to think that Cream of Mushroom Soup was actually called "Queen of Mushrooms" Soup. When we were grocery shopping one day I warned my parents not to buy it because if they made too much of the soup the Queen of Mushrooms to lose her mushroom forest. My mom took a can off the shelf and told me to read the label. I felt so silly!

Sarah Report

Thegreatcountryofverden 1 year ago

I'm adding that to my BrainBank™. A BrainBank™ is a place where you keep Ideas™ and Images™ for later use.

#152

I thought if someone asked something and said please you had no choice but to do it (I think my dad told me this once when I wouldn't do something).

Hexetic Report

meow point1 2 years ago

I thought that too! I'd get so mad when my parents wouldn't do stuff even if I said please. I also couldn't understand why I wasn't allowed to nag them when they were allowed to nag me using the exact same words.

#153

I thought a contract killer was someone who kills people who break a contract.

Nate Report

#154

I used to believe that if someone hit you on your back when you're eyes were wide open your eyes would pop out of their sockets.

Scared little sister Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

creepy thanks for nightmare fuel

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#155

I used to think the store Lord & Taylor was called "Lorden Taylor." I used to call stunt doubles "stunt devils." I thought it was "ultra-violent" instead of ultraviolet.

Amanda Jane Dotson Report

Master Markus 2 years ago

I thought it was "ultra-violent" for WAY too long because nobody explained why it would be thought of as "violet" and it might not have been "violent", but it did HURT people like violence...

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#156

I used to think that all the old black and white photos of my family I used to see was because the world used to be black and white...

Marissa J Fulton Report

#157

For the longest time when I was a little kid I thought I could only eat soup while humming. I have no idea why I thought this (and it was only with soup, for some reason). I can't even imagine how annoying it must have been for anyone else eating with me, but one day I just realized I didn't have to hum and so I stopped.

mirinaesb Report

💖 Stacy Rae 💖 2 years ago

Weird but cute.

#158

“…There was a commercial for glow-in-the-dark condoms claiming that they protected you in the bedroom and kept you safe… All I could imagine was this little glowing robot that sat on your bedroom floor at night.”

Danielle Seminsky Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Visual is definitely necessary in some commercials.

#159

“I used to think people got pregnant because the couple sat down together and had a special meal, like a special herb or root, which made the woman pregnant.”

thisisarshi Report

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#160

“When one of my friends was a kid, they thought a woman became pregnant when the dad elbowed the mom in the stomach. True story.”

nccrnina Report

#161

Growing up I knew this kid named Colin Crawford and he told everyone he was related to Cindy Crawford and we all just believed him.

IanKarmel Report

BoredBunnies 2 years ago

I had a teacher that looked like me and we had the Sam least name. Everyone was convinced she was my mother. Just a complete coincidence.

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#162

When I was kid I used to think sweatshops were gyms...haha.

Joel_snow10 Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

well to be fair it is close depending on the labor

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#163

I thought sex was when two adults just rubbed together naked and hoped that they got pregnant.

CaptainSqueak Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

to be fair that is close

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#164

That my future spouse would have as many spots on her face as the number of rice grains I did not finish eating on the plate...

ItchyScratchyBalls Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

well keep eating

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#165

That all chicken nuggets were called "Chicken McNuggets".

DeathStarJedi Report

Anonymous Bunny 2 years ago

I literally burst out laughing when I read this.

#166

I was terrified of Charlie Chaplin. He was in my nightmares. I thought he was evil personified.

weedy_bongzales Report

Thegreatcountryofverden 1 year ago

Must be Hatler then.

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#167

Dogs were the males and cats the females of the same species.

reddit Report

#168

That everyone is born a boy. If you were meant to be a girl then it would just change over time.

shmee16 Report

Timothy D. 2 years ago

Technically, this is inversley true.

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#169

Girls peed through their butt

Andrew_Suck Report

Daniel Mallory 2 years ago

well same here

See Also on Bored Panda
#170

That losing a game of Yu-Gi-Oh, would actually send me to the shadow realm

UnstoppableYT Report

#171

I thought that 911 was the number you called for fire/emergency because that was the temperature fire burned at (i.e 911 degrees farenheit).

Ammy Report

#172

I thought the police didn't have to follow the law and could do whatever they want. My reasoning was they were the enforcers of the law so who would arrest them or whatever? I wondered why all the bad people didn't just become cops so they could do crimes with impunity.

Brainhead Report

Tiny Dynamine 2 years ago

A fair number of them think that as well.

#173

My brother's friend told me when I was little that he had once found a snail in the crust of his pizza, in one of those crust bubbles. For years after that, I carefully dissected every crust bubble before eating my pizza.

Margaret Report

#174

I used to believe that my mother didn't sleep and that she was a super hero!

AntoineBoom Report

Shari H 2 years ago

True, moms rarely sleep and are total superheroes.

#175

When I went to my friends house they would have blue water in the toilet. I used to believe that it was the same thing as the pink goo from ghost busters!

Jame Report

#176

When people would talk about windchill, I thought they were saying "windshield" as in, don't touch the windshield of the car because it's a lot colder than the air.

Eric Helmholdt Report

#177

When I was a kid I thought there were little gnomes in the stoplights who changed the lights and controlled traffic at intersections.

Alex Stead Report

#178

When I was a kid I was quite sure Asian people had narrower eyes because they were eating rice all the time, and their eyes took the shape of it. But that was a completely innocent opinion and I was okay with that explanation.

Fabien Mantione Report

#179

I thought that when someone on TV would look into the camera they could see me! I also thought when watching the local weather and they showed the map on TV, if I went outside I would be seen!

Brian Crispeno Report

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#180

I believed the underground railroad was fully underground like, a massive network of underground tunnels...

Koupers Report

Jon Watts 2 years ago

my teacher would hit me for thinking that was the case,

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#181

That if I didn't wash my hair squirrels will jump in it. Thanks mom.

TheDaltonXP Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Or birds would land and make a nest on your head.

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#182

I thought the numbers between 199 and 1000 didn't exist. I'd count from 199 to 1000.

Vallessir Report

Carly Noelle 2 years ago

I thought the next thing after 100 was 200. It made sense. I vividly remember arguing with my brother over it.

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#183

I thought my stepdad was actually Michael J. Fox, and when he left on business trips he was really in Hollywood acting.

Senor_Tucan Report

Susann Campbell 2 years ago

Michael is there anything your not talking about.

#184

I believed that Jesus died, rezzed 3 days later, went to heaven 3 days after that, and then came down to earth to become Santa Claus 3 days after that.

pyneapplepyro Report

Master Markus 2 years ago

He "rezzed"?

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#185

When I was about 5, my dad told me and my cousins that the grease that allowed the van door to slide open was whale poop and we shouldn't touch it.

TARDIS Report

#186

My sister and I used to believe that Santa saw you through the light bulbs, and thats why he knew everything you did.

Joree Report

#187

When I was younger on my first Terry Fox Day, I couldn't grasp what cancer was so I thought that Terry fox had died from the run, not cancer; needless to say when we did the Terry Fox run that day at school I bawled my eyes out because I thought I was gonna die. I wasn't a smart kid lol.

Hannah Latincic Report

Master Markus 2 years ago

I can't remember exactly what I thought about Terry Fox when I first heard of him, but I do remember being kind of confused by how he died simply because I didn't have a real idea of what cancer was beyond "a disease that can kill you".

#188

When I was a kid listening to Sublime, in the song "Garden Grove" there's a line in which he says "finding roaches in the pot"; I used to think he was talking about finding cockroaches in his cooking pots.

Dan Inselmann Report

Shari H 2 years ago

Yes, that is exactly what he is talking about. It was all about his first, run-down, dumpy apartment.

#189

I used to believe that when it rain it was because Jesus was Soo sad....until I learned of the water cycle...I felt so dumb.

Fiux Cabrera Report

See Also on Bored Panda
#190

When I was a kid I thought amanda bynes was the most famous actress in hollywood.

graveIstotempos Report

#191

I thought that bank machines gave you as much money as you wanted for free. The only reason why not everyone in the world had infinite money was that credit cards were really really expensive.

yc_delmir Report

#192

When my brother was about to be born, I had this strange notion that he would be Eskimo. I am white and live in the South.

reddit Report

Bella Zyla Harder 2 years ago

*cough* Inuit... not "eskimo."

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#193

I actually used to think charcoal was better than propane. Just asinine, I tell'ya what.

I_Am_Hank_Hill_AMA Report

Jennifer Varnadore 2 years ago

Ofc, Propane and Propane Accessories are always better. :)

#194

My mom told me when I was little if blacks and whites had kids they would have tails! Yeahhh my moms a racist.. Worst thing is I repeated it in 6th grade.

Lauren Lang Report

Meike Henneman 2 years ago

:O

#195

When I was a kid I thought God was real...

Alli Hutchinson Report

Master Markus 2 years ago

Honestly, when I meet an adult who thinks that, I just think "Aren't you a little old to believe in fairytales? Have you even READ your book?"

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