30 Times People Encountered Someone So Blatantly Stupid, They Just Had To Share
The great question of our time is not whether AI would eliminate humans, or whether there is some form of life living out there. It's rather why so many of us, despite being well into our adult lives, surrounded by all kinds of info, still have no clue how basic things work.
You don't have to be Einstein to know that windmills turn wind into power and can't just use it up. Well, apparently, not everyone does. Let’s take a look at some funny people who aren't the sharpest knife in the drawer. You know, the ones who walk with their head in the clouds.
Warning: when reading this article, no Panda is protected from a sudden shower of cold sweat upon realizing they thought so too. Any other examples of dumb people who were a few bricks short of a load are very welcome in the comments!
I've posted this story before but this seems like another appropriate thread for this story.
One night during high school, my friend and I got invited to a party. I didn't drive back then so my friend picked me up. All went well on our way to the party. On the way back however, he got pulled over. As we were pulling to the side of the road, I told him that I was gonna pretend to be sleeping (since I was the passenger). Anyway, I hear the cop get out of his cop car, walk towards our car, stops at the window but doesn't say anything. I can feel the brightness of his flashlight but I don't hear him or my friend say anything. After about what seemed like an eternity, I decide to open my eyes to see what's going on. That's when I see my friend, the guy who is driving, is pretending like he is sleeping too.
Coworker was anti wind mills. When I asked why she said “there are way too many popping up and we’re going to use up all of the wind.”
I was speechless. I’m never speechless.
My brother and i were in the kitchen one day as teenagers. My brother was filling the sink to wash dishes. When the sink was nearly full he went to turn the tap off but it wouldnt budge so the water kept flowing. I tried turning it too but with no success. This is when the panic set in. The level of the water was rising fast and we didn't want to flood the kitchen. He took big saucepans out of the press to fill with water to keep things from over flowing, while i was in a frantic scramble under the sink trying to find the mains to turn it off there. I couldn't find it!! Now really panicking i took over the pot filling duty and my brother went running off to look for dad as quick as he could. Dad came running in with my brother while we were shoutng at him about looking for the mains. Dad just came over to the sink and pulled the plug out of the hole letting all the water down the drain. Ha ha
We’d like to believe that humans are rational animals gifted with an ability to evaluate nearly every situation and give it a sound explanation. So why do so many people not seem to really have that common sense? Well, it’s been reported that “when people face an uncertain situation, they don’t carefully evaluate the information or look up relevant statistics. Instead, their decisions depend on a long list of mental shortcuts, which often lead them to make foolish decisions.”
This is how fake news works—if a fact appears to be true, many of us will take it as true. Think about it—if you've believed something to be true for a long time, it's unlikely you'd fact-check it out of the blue. It will probably take a very long while for you to realize something seemingly obvious—for example, that a penguin is a bird.
I had manager named Roxanne (Rocky). She was a bleach blonde (literally bleached her hair once a month and then wondered why it broke/fell out) bubble head who only had the job because daddy owned the restaurant.
Rocky was really obsessed with her looks and not much else. One day she told me, and a co-worker, that she had her nose job done so that her eventual children wouldn't grow up with the same nose as her. She wasn't kidding. The co-worker and I just looked at each other and walked away. We knew it wasn't worth the effort.
I’ve told this story before, but I like telling it because f**k Tammy. I had a boss named Tammy. One night, we were all working late doing stocktake, and we were discussing the impending lunar eclipse. Someone asked what happens during an eclipse. Tammy grandly explained that the eclipse would occur when America went in front of the moon, blocking our (Australia’s) view of it. Like she literally thought the earth stretched itself into like a U bend or neck pillow shape, and half of it stayed in our normal orbit, and the other half stretched itself over and around to casually block the moon for the rest of the earth.
my friends sister was 20 and pregnant, she said something about how upset she was her vagina would be ruined, i jokingly said “maybe he’ll come out of your butt instead” she said “what do you mean? can they come out of there too?”, i thought she was joking so i just said “duh, it’s a 50/50 shot” she thought i was serious and asked her doctor if he could tell if the baby was gonna come out of her vagina or ass.
Of course, IQ score is one of the most common universal measures to determine the rational capabilities in person. However, according to David Perkins from Harvard Graduate School of Education in Cambridge, IQ is very overrated. “"A high IQ is like height in a basketball player," says David, who studies thinking and reasoning skills. "It is very important, all other things being equal. But all other things aren't equal. There's a lot more to being a good basketball player than being tall, and there's a lot more to being a good thinker than having a high IQ."
I can sum it up very easily: We were at the shooting range, his gun jammed, he looked down the barrel to see what was wrong.
Back in my younger and crankier days I worked with as young woman who was hands down the dumbest person I've ever met.
Her highlights include
Winning a basket auction that included a copy of The Beach Boy's album Pet Sounds and complaing because she "didn't want to hear a lot of mooing"
On a day she was driving me up a wall I convinced her to wait to open her bottle of Coke because the bottle said there was a winner every five minutes. She was disappointed she didn't win after waiting exactly five minutes. I however enjoyed her sulky silence for the rest of the day.
The best/worst one involved her chatting with a manager who was African American (she's white). They were discussing their shared slightly uncommon name and then realized their families both came from South Carolina. She thought for a few minuted and then excitedly exclaimed "I bet my family owned yours!". She was so proud of herself for figuring out that historic connection. The manager didn't say a word and just walked away.
“Why do the crossings beep.” “For blind people.” “But blind people can’t drive?” “...”
When I was in the Navy, there was a cook on my ship. He once served "rare" chicken. I genuinely couldn't tell whether he was trying to cover up his limitless incompetence or if he genuinely believed that rare poultry is a real thing. He was dumb enough to believe it. Another time, he just filled a pan with ground beef and called it meat loaf. Another time he was supposed to make sugar cookies, you know, several hundred of them for the whole crew. He didn't bother to read the label on the container he opened, and apparently he didn't taste the batter at any point, and he actually made salt cookies. He used up all the remaining salt in the pantry and we had unseasoned food for the remaining several weeks of the mission, during which time the captain assigned someone to be the cook's bodyguard.
We shall call him Chad. Chad was a guy I worked with years ago and he was terrible with directions. He had no idea where he was, or where he was going, and was terrible at identifying landmarks. So we are working less than 5 minutes from our store on this particular day in a small residential area about a mile and a half down the road. Including the turn out of the driveway you have to make 3 turns, all right hand turns, and cross one intersection and you'll be at our store. A short time into what is an all day job we realize we have some equipment at the store that would help us out tremendously. I ask Chad to go get it. He doesn't know the way. I explain it to him. He stares at me. It's 3 right hand turns, Chad, I think you can do it. Chad wants a map. Fine. I draw a map. Chad leaves. 25 minutes go by. Chad should have been back by now. I call the store and I'm told that Chad left 10 minutes ago. As I am on the phone I hear the truck coming and he drives right by the house. Well, [crap]. Poor Chad forgot what house we were at. No big deal, the road is a giant circle and he will come around again in a moment. So I walk up the driveway, and sure enough here he comes again. I wave, and he pulls in the driveway. As he gets out I laugh and say, "Haha, aww man, you forgot what house we were at?" Chad deadpans, "Naw man, ya moved the truck." ... Chad was looking for the company truck in the driveway. The very same truck he was driving.
My room mate for the last 3 years once said that if solar technology keeps advancing at the rate it is, we will absorb all the energy made by the sun and fix global warming. Not 5 minutes later after attempting to inform this poor fellow about how the suns energy output is not determined by what the energy eventualy interacts with, he states that wind farms are worse because they cause tropical storms. I hope he is just an epic troll. I just... I don't know...
This French - Italian guy I used to work with. I could seriously write a book about how ignorant, idiotic and illogical this man was, but this story sums it up pretty well:
He's against vaxinations, because he thinks everything in the world is a government conspiracy and he's also a nature freak who believes in homeopathy. He believes clay has a lot of almost supernatural healing qualities. When he lived in Denmark he and his wife couldn't enroll their son in kindergarten unless he had some basic vaccinations because that's the law.
So they went to get the boy vaccinated, but as soon as he's gotten the shot and they've walked out of the doctors office he took the bandage off and slapped a lump of clay on the boys arm right where he got the shot. This, he believed, would suck the liquid that was in the syringe out of the boys vains and get absorbed into the clay to be disposed of safely. So in his mind he had basically "un-vaccinated" the boy and the silly reptilian surgeon general had no idea! Haha in your face NWO!
It's kind of a happy ending though, stupidity saved the day and the boy now has the vaccinations he should despite his insane father.
I once had a property manager (person in charge of the rental I lived in since homeowners who lived out of state) who did a bunch of obnoxious things. My husband and I thought she was greedy and maybe getting money for herself and hiding it from the homeowners for repairs or something like that because of shady seeming things she would do when we had repairs.
Then we mentioned something about gardening.
She said "You know, I've always wanted to try growing tomatoes and just watering them with salt water. That way, the tomatoes would already be salted when you ate them!"
Huge reminder to never attribute to malice what is just pure old fashioned being dumb as a rock.
Work with a guy who honestly believes he will not die. Also believes that doctor's are"part of the system" and that they lie to you for profit and personal gain. He does believe in Eastern traditional medicine however. And if you're interested to know his secret to eternal life, it's 6 raw eggs a day and a keto diet.
My mom's coworker claims she doesn't care about the price of gas. She says "it doesn't matter how much it costs because no matter what I only put in 20 bucks."
I am half-korean going to high school in the Midwest during the 1992 LA riots. My typing teacher pulled me into the hallway and asked if I had an uncle or something I can call in LA to make the riots stop. She said she knew that we are all close and we all have stores and what not, therefore I must have a connection there. I was like, "lady, even if I did have an uncle I could call do you think he is Batman?"
One of my roommates. I live in a house where we give interviews to prospective new roommates to make sure they're cool. We were interviewing a deaf guy, and he was looking like a good fit. We also have a list of rules and guidelines for living in the house, and one of the current roommates asks "oh man, are we gonna have to get the rules printed in braille?" For. A. Deaf. Guy.
Far from an isolated incident.
There was a,,, troubled kid I went to high-school with. He struggled with school but had friends but was starting to do drugs and go down a bad way. He decided to photo copy the front and back side of a 20 dollar bill, cut it out of normal paper, and glue the two half’s with Elmer’s glue. Whats even more sad is that to test his new money he went to the gas station and bought some gum and it ACTUALLY WORKED?!? So in his mind it must have meant that it was fool proof. So he then tried to go and deposit the glued up money at an actual bank. He was obviously found out and arrested. I don’t know where he is now but I’m assuming he is making similar life choices.
When I was a teenager my friends older brother was one of the dumbest I'd ever encountered. We once witnessed him trying to see inside a motorcycle gas tank using a bic lighter. He assured us a lighter flame isn't hot enough to ignite gasoline.
On another occasion, we got into a debate concerning the power of an atomic bomb. He was dead set that it could only take out " like two houses max!" O___0
This man went on to have multiple arrests before I moved away, also fathered 3 children by 2 women. We all lived in a trailer court as well...not saying it's a prerequisite for idiocy, but some of us get out and some do not.
I once called an Uber driver. When he arrived, he immediately asked me: "Are you going to (X location?)?". I said: "No." He responded: "Great, because I'm not going to take you to (X location)." "Fine", I said. The journey got underway, and I was curious as to what he would've done if I'd said that yes, I wanted to go to X location. So I asked him: "Hey, what would you have done if I had said that I DID want to go to X location?". He responded: "Look man, I'm not going to [frikinn] take you to X location, OK? I told you already." I was a bit befuddled, but I tried again: "No no, I don't want to go there. In fact, you already know where I want to go, it's on your destination map. I'm just curious, what if I DID want to go to X location? Would you have refused me the trip? Would you have driven off?" He said: "Look man I can't change the trip now. And anyway I told you I refuse to go to X location. You gotta understand I'm busy." we spent nearly 15 minutes with variations of this back and forth. He was a fluent English speaker, by the way. By the end of it, I was 100% convinced that he couldn't understand the syntax of a hypothetical. He literally couldn't understand the question "if (X situation which is NOT the case) then what action would you take?" I wasn't even mad, just astonished. How had he navigated through life thus far? What were his financial decisions like? I really wanted to follow him home and make a reality TV show about him or something.
An old co worker named James. We worked at McDonald's and were both 16. One time, while mopping the lobby, he for some unknown reason decided to chase a number of customers around with the mop yelling "I'm gonna getcha". He was fired on the spot.
I know a guy smokes a lot of weed and is fairly overweight. He had been trying to find work but was having trouble finding a job since everything he was interested in drug tested. He told my boyfriend that he had a plan that might help him pass a drug test. Since weed supposedly gets stored in your fat cells, he proposed that he should just eat even more than he normally does so he can gain weight. That way, the fat that he gained would replace the “weed fat”. Boom. Problem solved.
Had a guy in a third year undergrad developmental psych course raise his hand in a full lecture hall and ask the professor; "Prof, do infants diagnosed with SIDS get asthma later in life... like are they more likely to get asthma??"
SIDS stands for sudden infant death syndrome.. He just kept pursuing the question the prof didn't understand how she could answer it, she thought there was some kind of logic in it that she wasn't seeing. Finally some girl took the initiative to shout across the room, "No they are not more likely to get asthma, they are dead.. they have died suddenly, and will thus not be at risk of developing asthma." Great day. He always sat in front of me and I would see him writing just absolutely horrible poetry and song lyrics .
A girl my dad dated for a while. Even while dating her my dad would say she was dumber than a bag of rocks.
One day, she sat down to watch a movie with my dad. Movie was all about this guy and his twin brother. She sits and watches the whole thing, no interruptions. At the end, she turns and asks, "So there were two of him?"
Would explain why she always had the TV turned to a music channel. Apparently she couldn't follow normal TV or movies.
My cousin. All through public school, she was a snob who looked down on everyone. She was super stylish and struggled academically.
We graduated in 2014. We both went to colleges (not the same one.) She got a job at a bar, stayed out late drinking. Her boyfriend told her she didn’t need to complete college, so she just stopped showing up. Didn’t drop; just stopped showing up. Completely flunked out.
Here comes the mega stupidity: Our families live hours away from her college at the time. Her family went to move her back home. My cousin’s mom noticed a pile of clothes in the corner. The mom said ‘what’s that, your laundry? Pack it and we’ll wash it when we get home later.’
My cousin (I kid you not): ‘you can wash those?!’
Turns out, she’d been throwing away clothes instead of washing them. She claimed she didn’t know she could, yet she washed her undergarments and bras without a hitch.
She’s now at home with her family and has started doing more chores to show an increase in responsibility. She still tries to throw clothes away, citing that she didn’t know they could be washed and reused. Makes me wonder what she thought all those years before college, before she left home. She wore some of the same outfits repeatedly — she had to have known they could be washed.
Old coworker of mine. He was helping me move and while we were carrying a couch he dropped it. Thinking he was hurt I asked if he was ok and with the most serious and frightening look in his eyes he said pointing : ‘Look it’s the moon and it’s day time.’ .... he was 25 at the time.
My mother rolled down the car window to clean it... from inside the car... right after the car wash started.
My ex. My favorite moment was when I had to stop him from giving his bank info to the Nigerian prince. I was honestly in disbelief. He was mad at me for whatever reason exactly and in retrospect I probably should've just let him do it.
A guy in my high school who was convinced that the Dutch had sore throats at night from their accent/language
Me: So what are you thinking of doing after graduation?
Her: College, but I don't know what major to study yet. How about you?
Me: I think I'll study psychology.
Her: Isn't it like so crazy how tons of the guys in our class want to drive trains for a living!?! I mean like there aren't even that many trains anymore!
Me: What are you talking about? I don't know a single guy who wants to drive trains.
Her: Yeah, they all want to be engineers.
Her: But there really aren't that many trains anymore so I don't know how they'll all get jobs.
Her: And why would you need to go to college for that?
Me: I think this is my favorite conversation today.
Guy I went high school with was at a party and asked the homeowner if he could have her tattoo kit, she obviously said no. He left and came back an hour later with a ski mask on demanding for the tattoo kit. Was arrested the next day. Can’t make up that kind of stupidity.
There was this girl I knew in high school, she would constantly say or do stupid things.
She drew a cover page for a unit in science class, where she drew Earth, and put ground underneath it.
Asked “What lightbulbs did cavemen use?”
Argued that she wasn’t a homosapien because “she liked men”
The first time I ever met my future sister-in-law, she asked me: “if you’re Canadian, how come you speak American?” She was 20 at the time.
*edit: this blew up! since a lot of people mentioned this: she's my husband's step-sister, so there's no relation to him/me. Yes, it was a genuine question (I asked her about it later). She's not smart, sarcastic, or witty enough to make a joke like this. She is the living embodiment of the "American" stereotype you'd think of.
A kid I worked with .. Freddy the Man Child actually believed that dinosaur fossils were fakes planted by atheists to test The Christian’s faith .
Literally this guy got fired last week for doing this. Whenever a customer would enter the store he would mimic everything they said whilst already bad enough he would try his best to copy their accent too no matter what accent it was.
Multiple complaints to our store have been made about this guy and he had plenty of warnings. Well last week he finally got fired while serving an Asian customer and in FULL view of our manager he says this.
"HERROOOOO WOULD YOU RIKE A BRAG?"
Got pulled into the office where apparently he still maintained he'd done nothing wrong and couldn't understand why he was being fired. Definately a dumbass.
while discussing the sometimes homosexual relationships prominent in Greek culture,
"Wait, they had gay people back then? I thought America invented gay people..."
An ex, while watching an American TV show in which the characters took a flight to get to somewhere "only an hour away" she asked why Americans tend to take short flights more than we Brits do.
"Because America is huge."
"But that place is only an hour away from them, so why not get a train?"
"... Because trains aren't as fast as planes."
"Yes, but if it only takes an hour to get there..."
"An hour isn't a unit of distance. And trains don't travel at 500mph so it'll take more than an hour won't it?"
"No, they just said! It's an hour away!"
"ON A PLANE!!!"
A girl from elementary school believed that outer space isn't real, that Benjamin Franklin invented the time machine, and was unaware of hammers.
I almost dated a girl who thought the sun and moon were the same thing
Me (the teacher): What was the way people transported in the past?
She (the student): On foot
Me: Ok. Could you give me one more example?
She: (after thinking for a minute starts jumping elated) Oh, I know, I know. What was the name of the flintstones' car?
She was 20 year old. She was being dead serious. Her sister was more of the same. Both believed the antenna in a car was decoration, both were mindblown when I told them it was for the radio.
Oh, so many stories about them.
high school earth science class
girl: oh sorry I don’t believe in dinosaurs teacher: well, you see, because of all the fossils we find, theres evidence tha- girl: yeah yeah I know but I just don’t believe in them. teacher: ......
same girl was very certain that the moon was a star because it’s bright
I dated a guy in high school for two years, and he was not the sharpest crayon in the box (but cute! Oh so cute.)
I have two defining moments to share.
1.) We were at dinner with my family, and my mother was telling us about the time she met the Dalai Lama in college. My boyfriend, trying to nervously engage in polite dinner conversation earnestly asked my mother, “I’ve always wondered, what type of llama is a dalai (l)lama?” My family just sort of gaped at him until I quickly changed the subject.
2.) During one summer we took a trip to Washington DC to see the sights. On our way to the holocaust museum he saw two gentlemen dressed in long black coats, complete with brimmed hats and curls; Clearly Hasidic Jewish folks. My idiot boyfriend says loudly (and again, quite earnestly) enough to be heard, “Look Minnifrid! There are Amish people here!” I could have died from embarrassment. These same gentlemen got in line in front of us at the museum and we spent the next ~2 hours in their company.
Guy stole a bike. Cop stopped him and asked where he got it. He said he stole it.
This one lady at Atlanta's Beer, Bourbon & BBQ Festival who clearly didn't know where she was. I'm getting started on this rack of ribs, quietly minding my own business with a glass of beer, when from the group in front of me this lady comes up to me and tells me how she can't stand the smell of meat, roasted or smoked, and tells me to get away from there. This is despite the fact that the event's name has Barbecue in it and she had to pay $40 to get in.
After she left, I had a good chuckle and facepalm with another lady at the table, but God, I've never seen more stupid in my life!
I was 18, my first girlfriend ever. We were talking about what we wanted to be when we grew up.
I told her I might be interested in becominga lawyer.
She laughed in my face and said "Don't you think you should have more realistic expectations?"
I said fine and asked her what she wanted to be.
I'm 27 now. I have a bachelors and working on a second bachelors in engineering. My GPA and extracurriculars were enough to go to law school, easily, if I had wanted to.
She works at a grocery store. Not to sound cocky, but it still makes me mad.
Girl: why would you drink cow milk?! Thats animal cruelty!! You should just get it from the supermarkets!
Someone at my work once sold their TV so they could buy a VCR.
Ex boyfriend from college. I told him I had never farted before in my life and he believed me. I was shocked so I got all my girlfriends in on the joke and we had him convinced for two whole weeks that girls didn’t fart. We asked him what farting “felt like”, if it hurt or felt funny. We even got him to fart in front of us so “we could hear what farts sound like”. Some chick who didn’t like me told him the truth. Thinking back on this now, maybe I’M the stupidest person I’ve ever met because I dated him for 5 more months after the farting joke.
She ashamedly told us, her coworkers, how she dryhumped her boyfriend and thought she was pregnant.
They were wearing clothes.
She wasn’t pregnant.
She also thought the great depression was in the 60s and along with the end of world war 2.
In the 60s.
She’s a nurse now.
My 24 year old cousin.
She legitimately thought that my sister being a vegetarian meant that she could not eat animal crackers...
17 year old claiming that his IQ is 1.7 if you round up.
Guy in my aircraft technician class. I'll call him Jim. The module at the time was about electrical power. We were having a review one Friday before the exam started. Earlier that week we had covered the batteries used on the aircraft, what types, how they were constructed, etc. Trainer turns to Jim and asks him about the different types, expecting him to say 'lead-acid, lithium-ion' and so on. Nope. Jim thinks for a moment and says 'AA, AAA, C....'
When we got to the hangar for work experience, the same trainer had lost all faith in Jim. We were all assigned jobs in the morning. Me and another guy on wings, couple more on landing gear, all down through the group. Then he gets to Jim. Placed an A4 sheet of paper on the ground and told Jim to stand on it so it didn't blow away. We all laughed, Jim included. The trainer was joking, right?
Once at a restaurant in New Orleans, my friend ordered macaroni and cheese. At the table with about 15 other people he says out loud, "How did macaroni and cheese become a thing?" To which I replied "What do you mean?" He says "I mean, it's so redundant, you know?" I say "What? How is macaroni and cheese redundant?" And he says "Think about it. You've got cheese and then you have pasta, which is made of cheese." HE THOUGHT ALL PASTA WAS MADE OF CHEESE...
I am sure if I thought real hard I could come up with someone more stupid, but this story is pretty good.
There was this receptionist at the veterinary office we have taken our dogs to over the years who argued with my dad about how to pronounce his own name. He went in to pick up some perscription something for our dog Daisy and this girl asked the typical "name of dog, name of owner" type questions.
"We have it listed as Michelle and you don't look like a Michelle," she says. Dad asked how it was spelled on the monitor and sure enough it was still spelled "Michael," dad's name.
He said "That says Michael. That's my name." And she argued with him about it! He had to get his driver's license out to show her, and even though she finally relented to let him pick up whatever it was he was down there to pick up, she was adamant my dad has been mispronouncing his own name for 50+ years.
The best part is Dad tells us this whole story and we think nothing of it til like 3 months later when Mom took the dog in for a check up. The girl still thought the owner of the dog was "Michelle" and that my mom must be in a lesbian relationship. Mom gently corrected the lady that it was Michael and again this girl was adamant it was pronounced Michelle. Mom, bemused, said something along the lines of "It's literally a name from the Bible. It's pronounced Michael and has been for thousands of years." The receptionist sat in silence outside of the minimal amount of talking needed for the rest of that visit.
Edit: wow this blew up. Woke up to like 200 responses so I'll just respond here. Thanks for the heads up the Hebrew thing. In hindsight that was silly. Makes me wonder when exactly that spelling started to sound like we say it today. Also this is just my recollection of the story because I heard it all second hand through the parents so I'm sure I've embellished it without realizing, and this was all over a decade ago anyway. As for homegirl, she was very much Typical White Girl. My guess is she had a foreign friend that spelled her name that way and pronounced it Michelle and she figured that was just the only possible way to say it. It's more the arguing over how to say it thing than anything else. Who argues with someone on how that person says their own name?
I have a friend named Rachel. Now this one night in high school, we all got the munchies and decided to go get ourselves some late night Sonic. We pile into Rachel’s car even though we’ve heard stories about her bad driving but that’s another story. Anyway, she asks us how to get to Sonic and we proceed to give her direction turn for turn until we finally pull into the Sonic parking lot. Upon our arrival, she smirks and says, “Oh I work here!”
My brother. He is genuinely the stupidest person I know. He has broke his arms five times, three for the right arm and two for the left. This is how he did it: 1.) age 7, dancing on a table, fell off. 2.) age 15, smoking pot with friend, cop shows up and he runs, jumps a fence, shorts get caught, he FALLS OUT OF THEM onto his arm. 3.) Age 17, runs in front of his friends truck as it went down the road at ~30 mph. 4.) Age 19, Was trying to hide from someone and jumped over a couch, and somehow broke his arm (I don’t remember how he broke it the other time, I just know it’s been five times.) He was arrested for possession of a firearm when he is not legally allowed to own one. It was his friends firearm. He pointed it at a cop. He got expelled from my high school. Twice. He got expelled from public school on the last day of school for writing “raped a pregnant b***c; call it a threesome” on a final. Note: these are rap lyrics, he did not actually rape a pregnant woman. He had two lines in a mandatory play. He still messed it up. While in prison he got a marijuana leaf tattooed on his face. Upon seeing him for the first time after prison he said, “Mom thinks I’m getting it removed but I’m only gonna make it better. I’m also gonna get Chinese lettering down my face.” (We are painfully white.) He dropped out of high school before finishing the tenth grade. Not because he had to, just because he didn’t like school and wanted to do drugs instead. He ended with a 3 in History, and a 6 in math. I don’t know what his other grades were. When he was 15, my uncle was 30. It took half an hour to explain to him why he would not always be half of my uncles age. He genuinely, genuinely believed that the Ebola scare a couple years ago was the beginning of the zombie apocalypse.
This guy i knew in high school asked me in science class if water was a living creature
My brother's (now ex) girlfriend. Super kind lady. When she found out I was a vegan she literally went through every kind of meat she knew of and asked if I could eat it. It was a little painful.
Cute story about the same girl; anytime we would go on a road trip and she saw cows she would always softly moo under her breath. Even if she was in mid conversation.
My freshman year roommate dropped a class because he wanted to play his PlayStation more. It put him below the minimum credit threshold for his scholarships and his parents owed $40,000
My friend's father robbed a bank in a small town in Indiana where he lived. This was in the late 70's or early 80's. He spent 10 years in prison for the crime. The same day he was released from prison, he robbed the same bank again. He was caught and back to prison he goes. He did not learn in those 10 years not to rob any banks or anything in that matter. My friend was like this is what every father does and did not seem shocked over it.
This girl I used to work with before she got fired. One day she came to work with a broken arm and claimed her boyfriend pushed her during a fight and she fell. We all were super concerned for her until she came in a week later saying she stabbed her boyfriend in the hand during a fight to get back at him for breaking her arm.
Then a few weeks later she told everyone she was secretly trying to get pregnant, because if she got pregnant her unemployed boyfriend would have to get a job and help pay rent. She got pregnant and her boyfriend immediately dumped her.
Helped a client out to his car with some merchandise. He struggled for a bit to get into the vehicle. I, jokingly, asked if it was his car. He backed up, looked at it and said, “Nope. No this is not my car” and went to a different color and make of car in the lot. There were only 3 cars in the whole lot.
My ex husband. We were playing Rock Paper Scissor to decide who had to go change the baby-best two of three. Round one, I throw scissor and he throws rock. “I win!” He proclaimed. Round two, I throw paper and he throws rock. “I win!” He says again. “Umm, paper beats rock” I tell him. His response? “No, rock beats everything.” I spend like 5 minutes trying to wrap my mind around this. Finally I ask him “Then...what’s the point of even playing?”
In total sincerity he says “To have fun!”
Clarification edits: 1) No, sadly, he was not trolling me. He was completely serious. I know it's hard to believe, but in all fairness he was born and raised in Florida. 2) Yes, I changed the baby. I did pretty much everything involving the baby after that. 3) As for my own level of intelligence and that of my son, I think he said it best himself when, at 4 years old, he said to me "Daddy can't help it. What's your excuse?"
In a 3rd year chemistry course, we were working with titanium(iv) chloride (or titanium tetrachloride or TiCl4).
A bit of background information. TiCl4 is extremely dangerous. Not only is it an incredibly strong acid, it is also highly volatile, and reacts violently with water (including water vapour in the air) to generate hydrochloric acid (colourless) and titanium hydroxide (a dense white cloud). When the container is opened, the TiCl4 vaporizes rapidly and plumes of white smoke begins spilling out of the bottle.
Due to these properties, special precautions must be taken when handling it: It is kept in special containers, you must wear gloves when handling anything that has been in contact with it, and most importantly, the bottle can only be opened in the fume hood (basically a box with a powerful vacuum attatched to prevent harmful vapours from escaping into the room).
One guy opened it at his work station, instead of in a fume hood like he was supposed to. Billows of white smoke immediately rose from his bottle and he began choking. Now, instead of screwing the lid back on, he decided to toss the bottle away. Luckily the bottle did not break, but TiCl4 spilled everywhere. The higher surface area of a puddle allowed it to vaporize unimaginably fast, ripping the hydrogen out of what little moisture was in the air that cold winter day, and spewing strong acid and poisonous smoke into the room. The entire building was evacuated. I'm not too sure what happened after that, since the lab was cancelled and I was dismissed.
A week later, I walked into the lab and I could still smell hydrochloric acid. I've never seen that guy since, I can only assume he's been kicked out of that course.
Tl;dr dumbass opened a bottle of unimaginably destructive liquid, realized it was a bad idea when he started choking, so he threw it on the floor and the building had to be evacuated.
I used to manage a restaurant and there was this girl Emily who was legendarily dumb. I have a thousand stories about her but my fave involves Subway. So one day Emily comes into my office complaining of a hangover whilst toting a sub from Subway and going on about how it the only cure for a hangover etc. Anyway, I ask her what kind of sub she got to which she replies "pickle, cucumber and mayo" I say "so you spent $10 on a cucumber and mayonnaise sandwich?" And she says " no! It has pickles on it too!" I then say that "pickles are just vinegar soaked cucumbers so its basically just a cucumber and mayo sandwich". Her mouth drops! "No way!?" She exclaims! I then had to explain to her the basics of pickling. When I asked her where she thought pickles came from she replied "the ocean?" I miss that girl.
Our biggest argument was over whether the correct phrase is 'egg yolk' or 'egg oak'.
The first time I met Ben was in Improv 101. I was only taking the class for fun, but about half the people there were aspiring actors... including Ben. On the first day, the teacher had us all play this silly game to break the ice and so we'd all remember each other's names. The rules are pretty simple: 1) pick an adjective that starts with the same letter as your first name, 2) introduce yourself using Adjective + First Name, and 3) do a simple gesture that goes with it. So everyone is going around the circle, introducing themselves as Daring Daniel and Lonely Lauren and Awesome Alex... until we get to Ben. Ben introduces himself as "Surfer Ben."
He proceeded to misunderstand at least one key element of every game or exercise for the rest of the class. I have no clue how this man functions in daily life. He has since managed to get a few featured extra roles on TV, though.
Once, at a company party, he grabbed a wedge of Brie cheese and took a bite out of it. I later asked and pointed it out to him and he said "This cheese cake tastes really weird"
"Are the fish tacos vegan?".... I worked as a waiter. There was quite a bit more stupidity,but I think that took the cake
Don't know if the stupidest, but pretty stupid:
We were on a drive through an animal park. We see an animal. She asks "what kind of meat would that one be?". Someone replies "oh...it'd probably taste similar to beef I'd imagine". A few minutes later we see a different animal. She asks "and what about that one? Would it be, like, a fillet or a T-bone or something?". Then I realized...this woman thinks different cuts of meat come from different animals.
I worked with a man named Roy. Roy had theories about how to live life. Royconomics.
One day, he turned to me and the other member of the crew. "You boys wanna know how you get nice things?" he asked. "You go to the store, and you finance everything. New furniture, new appliances, televisions, stereos, everything. Then, you don't make any payments, and you don't show up for your court date. They'll end up garnishing your wages, but they take way less than the payments would have been!"
Then, about a week later, "You boys wanna know how you buy a house? You apply for every credit card you can possibly get, you take out your entire balance in cash from all of them, and you use that for your downpayment. Then, you don't make any payments, and you don't show up for your court date..."
*For people thinking that they may know this specific Roy, I last saw him 10 years ago. At that time, he was in his early fifties, was rocking a grey/blonde skullet, and lived in a hamlet in the province of Saskatchewan.
I worked with a girl who was entitled, and dumb, so we used to mess with her.
Once I told her we were out of paper and asked her to call up OfficeMaxtm and have them fax us over 100 blank sheets, and charge it to our account.
Then we watched as she tried for a few minutes to convince the worker to fax us paper. Pretty sure she thinks the only reason it didn't work is because the guy wouldn't charge it to our account.
Knew a guy in high school who I'm 99% sure only passed because he cheated like crazy and got tons of people to do his work for him. In grade 11 he was taking some kind of politics course and was writing some kind of essay on American politics (we're from Canada). I agreed to edit his essay and it was the most insane thing I ever had to edit. There were multiple sentences that I couldn't understand until I asked him directly, he ended his essay with the phrase "just like Jesus would have wanted" (I don't think he was Christian?) and spelled Condoleezza Rice as "Conga Lisa Rice."
In everyone's military career there is "that guy" you kind of want to help then realize it's a waste. My "that guy" didn't just take the cake, he took the cherry on top too. First encounter with this guy was I found his weapon in a porta crapper. I walked out with my weapon and his, saw a higher ranking sergeant and turned the weapon over to him. Turns out this was that guy's squadleader. Ten minutes later I see that guy doing rifle PT in full battle rattle with a sign around his neck stating, "I forgot my weapon in the sh**ter, don't be like me. I'm a dumbass." This would not be the last time he lost his weapon or important field gear. I found out later on the unit tried to dump this dude off onto another battalion. He got sent back to us for refusing to cut his hair and follow various other orders. When we were overseas, he had a random outburst in the chow hall, shouting, "you don't see a dick in my pussy". We found out it was because his ex-wife was dating other dudes. Later on he had his weapon taken away from him because he threatened to shoot people in his squad. Not long after that he was found masturbating to family guy. There were a slew of other things as well. After deployment that guy got put onto my crew as my driver. He wasn't allowed to drink because he would get white girl wasted and over dramatic. He once threatened me that he was going to turn himself into the sheriff's office instead of reporting for duty, because he got rejected by some girl. When I told him to do it because I'm not a baby sitter, he started sobbing saying it was my job as his sergeant to fix his problems. Unfortunately, he showed up the next day for duty. For some reason he decided to tell the section he was a webcam model. We asked how he knew they were girls and not guys, he said, "you can tell". Turns out he was showing his dingy to girls and dudes for $2.99 a minute. The night before going out to the field we do inspections to make sure everyone packed what they needed. He took it upon himself to wake up early to remove all his clean uniforms and clothing from his bags. So he left for two weeks in the field (no showering in the field) with field gear and the clothes on his back. We figured this out on day three when his stench was billowing out of his driver's hatch. Not too mention he was constantly masturbating in the hatch while we were still in the track. Just add that to the stench and critter fest that was going on up there. More often than not my number one man would have to punch the crap out him to wake him up when we got fire missions. He would give us life's advice on how to scam the VA, other forms of government such as food stamps. And told us an easy way to get free cash is to put your name on class action lawsuits. At one point he told me, the army owed him his sergeant stripes because he had been in for nine years; and, it's the least they could do for him. I told him, I would never allow that to happen as long as I was in the Army. He had no filter for saying stupid things. It was like his burn out brain was directly linked to his mouth. Unfortunately for the rest of us in the crew, we wore CVC helmets. Which meant you had constant communication with three other people. He was the bane of my existence for three years. In the end I got him to get out of the Army. We all end up reflecting on that guy. People get annoyed that he is basically scamming $2600 a month off of various assistance programs. I ask them, "Do you really want that guy in the work force? This is the safest situation for all of us." Sleep easy at night knowing he isn't in the Army anymore, Reddit. Well unless you're in Iowa. Then he might be trying to bang your daughter or son.
I knew this guy in high school that was a huge idiot. The best story about his stupidity happened when he and another friend got pulled over by the cops. Instead of acting like a normal person, he gets the hilarious idea to step out if the car and proceed to run as fast as he could down the block. The cops of course chase right after him, not amused at all. He gets a couple of blocks away and decides to turn around, put his hands up in the air, and scream, "Psych!" The cops of course did not find any humor in this situation and tackled him to the ground and arrested him. Keep in mind this was before YouTube prank videos, so he wasn't doing it to gain subscribers or anything, he did it because he was a moron.
My high school librarian tried to tell me that there are 51 states in the US, because of Puerto Rico. When I informed her that Puerto Rico is a territory and not a state, she said that she didn't agree with my opinion. It's not an opinion lady, it's a fact.
I even pulled it up on google and showed her. She got mad at me for challenging her. Also, pointing to the extremely detailed world map on the wall across from her desk didn't work either.
There was this guy at my high school that wasn't too bright and was mostly harmless but about halfway through decided he was gonna be a thug. One day he goes into a class of first years when their teacher wasn't there and robs all their electronics, cash and valuables at knife point without covering his face and before he left gave them his real name saying, "And you better not tell them it was me Jim Conrad that stole all your stuff." He then proceeded to leave school grounds with all the stolen stuff but decides against stashing it off campus and so came back with all the stolen stuff in his backpack and went back to spy on the class with his backpack full of loot while police officers were their taking statements to make sure they weren't ratting him out...
Edit: For those that want the end of the story but its too buried to find:
The kids all rat him out and when he hears his name he steps into the class proclaiming he'd gut them if they didn't take back saying he did it... with the officers still in the class and all his loot on his back... He was expelled and arrested and when word got to our year group everyone just face palmed.
Edit 2: I don't know why he's so stupid but it wasn't an isolated act of idiocy, it was quite well known by everyone in my year group how dumb he was, in fact he didn't even qualify for admission but his family called in a ton of favors to get him in on recommendation.
Dumb Girl. So I had a class with this person who was, I swear, so dumb that my friends would call/text after every class to see what new dumb thing she did. Mind you, this was an EASY class and the professor did his best to make sure everyone got good grades.
Example 1: First test is coming up. Prof has been reminding us about it for a while and tells us not to miss the review. She does. Professor goes over every question on the test and tells us what the answer is. Shows up to class Monday and complains because she missed the review. Literally tries to get him to push back the test because she thought it “wasn’t fair.” Whatever. It’s still multiple choice, super simple, and OPEN BOOK. She failed.
Example 2: she gets to retest. He hands her a copy of THE SAME TEST and sends her down the hallway to take it. She hides my buddy’s notes from the review in her book. (She’s kinda pretty and he’s dumb). We get out of class and walk down the hallway. She’s only halfway done. Buddy walks over, quickly circles the correct answers for the second half of the test. Literally takes him 20 seconds. She got like a 72. On the same test, while cheating, and with help.
When I was in the military we had to halt a convoy due to a broken down truck. So I was standing around with a few others for security when I hear a driver behind us yelling for his Squad Leader. Looking to see what he needed, I observe thick smoke billowing from his truck. He keeps yelling "_____, my truck is on fire!" without getting out of his seat and attempting to extinguish the fire/remove the weapons, ammo, and sensitive electronics. I was dumbfounded.
I had a classmate in 10th grade who thought Google Earth was like a live stream from space. This was in 2008 or something.
His dad was deployed overseas and was supposed to come home that other week. I asked him about when his dad should arrive and he answered that his dad is already there because he saw the ship in the harbour on Google Earth.
He wouldn’t believe me as I pointed out that he saw an image. It was overcast that day, too.
I used to work with a kid at a movie theater. He claimed he could see the future and said he had a premonition that we would bring back the old Coke machines. The old Coke machines don't even work anymore because they were scrapped for parts.
He loved to cosplay and was blown away by the amount of cosplayers he saw when Justice League came out. We had maybe six customers that were dressed up. He thought he started a trend.
He showed up to work on his first day of orientation and training at 10pm. He was scheduled for 5pm. He lived on the other side of town and walked. When asked why he didn't leave earlier if he was walking his reply was "I didn't think of that".
That same week he took a 15 minute break and vanished for 2 hours. When my coworker found him he said the line at Subway was really long.
He said the first Jumanji movie was supposed to be about a video game but video games weren't invented yet so they scrapped the idea.
He probably thought the world didn't exist until he was born.
Had a next door neighbor who robbed a Howard Johnson's at the top of our street at gunpoint, wearing a ski mask. Took the money, took off the mask and was walking home (two blocks down said street) when cops pulled him over, and found the mask, the gun and the money. He was wasted and asked them "would it help if I said I'm sorry?". Got a couple years in Riker's Island. Came out, broke into a local apartment house, stole some money and jewelry, got stuck out on a fire escape when the ladder wouldn't go down, and he had closed the window behind him. Couple more years. That's two stories, I guess. There's a few more, but you get the picture. He did leave me a box of cassettes when he went up one time, among them The Allman Brothers Live at the Fillmore. I became a lifelong fan, so, thanks, unnamed next door failed robber. He was actually a really nice guy, and, like, a young Ray Liotta handsome. Just dumb as a brick.
I worked on a hay press for about a month. Most guys had high school education. One particular guy was telling me about a girl he was talking to on Tinder (or some various dating/chat app) when he said that she was in New York and that he wanted to go visit her. I told him that that’s pretty cool and New York will be quite the change from our little town. He then asked me how close New York was... we were in Washington state... he had no idea New York was over 2,000 miles away.
I knew this guy in high school really thought his “practical jokes” were hilarious. He would just do stuff designed to piss you off, thinking your salty reaction would make it funny. You may be thinking this guy’s a dick and you’d be right. But he’s also incredibly stupid, because every time someone said “Dude, [frikinn] chill out with your BS” he just blew it off. Social stupidity I guess. Well one day he knocked this kid’s hat off his head. (These guys were friends but clearly there was some hostility.) Other kid picks up his hat and tells Pranker to f off. Pranker smacks his hat again. Other kid tells him if Pranker knocks his hat off a third time, he’d knock Pranker’s head off. Pranker has a [crap] eating grin, completely oblivious to how dead ass serious this guy was, and got absolutely clocked in the face when he [messed] with this guy’s hat a third time. All he could say was “what the f man chill out!” but no one was willing to hear him out.
A cousin of mine; ALL at the age of 14
Asked why China doesn't just 'tell us who won the election, it's tomorrow for them'
Didn't know how to cook soup.
Didn't know how to wash a pot (he put about a half a cup of water in the pot, rubbed about a 5x5cm area with his index finger and then put it on the strainer)
Complained that the paring knife he was about to use was bent; proceeds to use it to attempt to pry open hard plastic packaging on something he bought.
Bent a spoon nearly 180 degrees trying to scoop out icecream. Used the thinnest spoon in the kitchen instead of the icecream scoop sitting right in the same drawer.
Frequently leaves his expensive electronics outside. He left a $100+ Mophie battery pack outside on the lawn about 6 inches from the sidewalk. I grabbed it and brought in inside, later I asked him if I could see it and he looked around for about 20 seconds then declared he must have put it somewhere and forgot.
Took apart his brand new scooter that he JUST bought while we told him repeatedly not to do it, because he won't be able to put it back together. He was not able to put it back together.
Began to get extremely angry at Christmas because he couldn't figure out how to use his new Go Pro. He kept trying to get me to help him with it, I told him to read the instructions, he said he didn't want to. I didn't help him.
Once told me that video games and movies are 'gay' and I should be into something cooler and manlier, like fashion. (?)
Constantly talks about how tough he is. Quit MMA after two lessons because he was afraid to spar with the other kids.
Constantly talks about how smart he is. Cannot tell time.
And if you can believe it, he's gotten even worse lately. I can't really talk about it, but everything I've listed here is just the tip of the iceberg.
It's terrifying to me that he will be legally able to drive soon. I'm sure there's more, if I think of any glaring examples, I'll post them here.
A guy I knew was confused as to how it could be the same season in the US as in Europe. Watching his girlfriend explain how hemispheres and longitude vs latitude worked was so hard to do I just kept staring down at my phone to keep from laughing out loud. Still not sure it ever really clicked in his head...
Guy I worked with named Buddy bought a huge Snap-On roll-away tool box for over $3,000, on credit. Two days later, he sold it to a coworker for $1,500 because he had some overdue bills and had to pay them.
Needless to say, he never paid Snap-On for the toolbox he was off into the winds after he was fired for starting his fourth fist-fight at work. One of the other guys I worked with told the Snap-On salesman where Buddy's new job was, and last we heard they are now garnishing his wages.
Guy was a nutcase though. He had very thin skin and the slightest thing would set him off. He's go absolutely nuts when he was set off though. He yelled at the security guard and threatened to have him fired because he didn't like his tone. He almost got fired three times for fighting, but he was able to win the department manager over until the fourth time. Oh, and one time he was told to put Caution Tape across a malfunctioning gate and he said "I don't know how."
I was lifeguarding at a frat party. My lifeguard friends all told me not to lifeguard for this frat but I had my certifications freshly renewed and they were paying really really well so I took on the challenge.
Would not recommend. There was a very drunk guy who offered me a drink when I was standing. I said no (I was guarding the water). Afterwards, this same guy gets a full beer, not even open, and bashes it against his head and screams "Whoooo!". He is bleeding from his head now and recognizes, is shocked for a second, then it hypes him up even more. He then dives head first into the dirty 6 foot pool filled with people. This water is shallow he literally could've paralyzed himself. I blowing just whistle at everything he is doing and when he gets out, he can't understand why I am frustrated and tries to flirt with me. Mid sentence, he recognizes he lost his Ray Bans (stupid expensive shades) in the murky water and asks me to drain the pool.
This dudd was just such an idiot and acted stupidly the entire 3 hours while his even more stupid friends hyped him up.
This girl I went to school with thought earth had two moons and adamantly argued with me and a teacher.
The dumbest person I ever met was my friend's uncle Franky. Growing up, my buddy and I worked in his father's insurance office during the summers. One day uncle Franky comes in to use a computer, so he could compose an email. It was the first time; this was in 2009. As he was trying to add the @ symbol in the recipients name, he asked where he could find it. I told him to hold down the shift button and press the number 2 key at the same time. He turned his head, and with a puzzled look his in eyes he asked me, "Wouldn't that be a capital 2?"
I worked with a developer who couldn't work out why the result of subtracting a fixed date from today's date increased by 1 each day. I literally had to tell him that it increases by 1 because we're moving forward through time...
My in laws came to visit us a few weeks ago. They got an airb'n'b flat nearby because our place is too small to accommodate them and, well, MIL always does dumb stuff that infuriates me, so I can't have her around me 24/7.
I go to pick them up in my car. Note that she had been in this car numerous times previously. Now, their saving grace is that they were ready for me on time. But to walk the approx 50 yards from the front door to my car took about 5 minutes because MIL gets so easily distracted.
'Oh look, Frank! That looks like a frog,' she says as she bends down to pick up a blob-shaped piece of metal that had been driven over hundreds of times. She shows it to FIL (Frank) and they stand in the middle of the street observing this thing. I'm on the other side of the street trying to beckon them onwards and away from this dirty piece of junk they've discovered. I'm also looking at all of the windows to see if anybody is watching this embarrassing stupidity.
Finally, MIL starts moving again and tries to open the door of the car that happens to be closest to where I'm standing. Remember, she's been in my silver car many times. She's trying to open the door of a black car. How the alarm didn't go off I'll never know. She even asked me why I was standing next to a car that's not mine. Well, the street's jam packed with parked cars and this just so happens to be the car that was closest to me when her display with the 'frog' stopped me in my tracks.
So we eventually get around the corner to where my car was parked. It's a busy, narrow street with lots of traffic, so you don't want to be wasting any time getting into the car. One of them had to get in the side away from the pavement because the pavement-side seat has my son's baby seat installed. God, they stood in the middle of this road holding up traffic while they looked for a something to wrap this frog thing in. I'm feeling the heat and tell them to hurry up because it's dangerous and the cars who decided not to pass were getting impatient.
Once they were finally in the car, MIL joked that I was talking to them as if they were my 2 year old son.
No. He's far more compliant.