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This Man’s Marriage Proposal Gets Rejected By His Girlfriend And Gets Called ‘Disrespectful’ By His Friend, So He Calls His Friend A Jerk For Saying So
While one might argue that the proposal itself is much more important than the circumstances surrounding it, given that the person proposing is also of one’s choice and not someone else, however, the circumstances such as the place and time of a proposal can’t be dismissed as bearing no significance whatsoever. As everything happening in one’s life shapes it, a proposal gets to be one such thing, often reflecting a couple’s understanding of their relationship and values. No wonder this man’s girlfriend didn’t enjoy it one bit when he paid zero consideration to her wishes when proposing to her, which his friend was honest enough to agree with. It concerns two people after all.
More info: Reddit
RELATED:
A guy proposed to his girlfriend but got no for an answer as his girlfriend didn’t like the way he went about it
Image credits: Katerina Holmes (not the actual image)
The man then became angry with his friend for calling his proposal disrespectful
Image credits: u/pokemonkandy
Image credits: Azra Tuba Demir (not the actual image)
Image credits: u/pokemonkandy
The man proposed at a bar despite his girlfriend telling him multiple times she didn’t want a public engagement
Image credits: Marcus Herzberg (not the actual image)
The man claimed he saw a different perspective eventually and the situation seems to be changing for the better
Who knows what exactly was going on in this dude’s head when he proposed to his girlfriend leaving her horrified. Well, this guy’s idea on its own can’t be univocally judged to be good or bad, as on the one hand, there is at least one person who likes it and it is this very guy, which makes one out of two people, that this idea concerns. On the bright side, his idea does have a certain charm for sure. As one Redditor noted, and as this man clearly had the same thought in mind, so much so that it blinded him from seeing the other side of the coin, is that this bar where he proposed to his girlfriend was where they actually met.
One can possibly sympathize a little bit with this man’s sticking to his idea since we have probably all experienced at least once in our lives a time when we had to push our friends a little bit out of their comfort zone to show them something truly amazing and new and to have them thank us later. Or we’ve experienced it ourselves when we pushed our limits of perception or others encouraged us to be brave enough to try something completely new to us. However, we can understand this man’s reasoning, while at the same time agreeing on his proposal being kind of messed up.
It is one thing to push the other person’s limits while having that person’s permission and being sensitive about it, but it is something else completely when doing it during one’s proposal. An engagement possibly being the worst occasion ever to attempt such a thing, as it is mostly about two people agreeing and finding their life to be better together than apart and not, as in this man’s case, leaving the other person’s wellbeing disregarded. This man’s ‘message’ with his proposal really had a bad tune to it, as it went something like this: please be with me so I can disregard your wishes, thoughts, and feelings for the rest of the time we are together, hopefully for the rest of your life.
So while one might have different personal preferences, when it comes to proposing at the bar, one has to agree with his friend that his proposal was seriously kind of messed up and disrespectful, of course. The reason being, as everyone around him seemed to agree – his girlfriend told him multiple times she did not want a public proposal and was left horrified he would do it at a bar of all places.
Image credits: RDNE Stock project (not the actual image)
All in all, this guy seems to be the one who needs to actually reconsider what it is that he wants from people, or simply put, he needs to actually consider other people. His friend explained she hadn’t seen him happier than with this girlfriend, and yet he couldn’t even consider her wishes, which she explicitly told him when proposing to her. This is in addition to calling his friend a jerk for being honest enough and telling him the truth about his messed up proposal, so he could grasp the real situation, solve the issue and find a way to make the best out of it.
Fortunately, as per the update, this man seemed to finally come to grasp the importance of considering other people’s thoughts on this topic, and as he accidentally read his own issue discussed on Reddit, while confronting his friend about posting it and “airing dirty laundry”, the man eventually thanked his friend as it “gave him a different perspective”. As per his friend’s update, the situation seems to be changing for the better, as this guy is slowly learning his lesson.
In her study “Negotiating marriage: a process model of heterosexual engagement”, Tamara Sniezek notes that while sociologists acknowledge the significance of getting married, they “know little about how relationships are transformed into marriage”. The researcher seeks to provide a more complex understanding of how relationships progress toward marriage.
Sniezek emphasizes negotiation to be a crucial element of getting engaged. According to her study, engagement rituals often are negotiated in ongoing interactions, as most couples choose and negotiate the rituals that transform their relationship on a moment-to-moment basis. While formal elements and tradition help to amplify the new status of their relationship, these elements work as an interactional resource rather than dictating a couple’s behavior.
Redditors agreed with this man’s girlfriend and his friend claiming “he should have set the bar higher”
What do you think ?
Ace 2 years ago (edited)
I completely fail to understand why, if a couple have already been discussing marriage, a big proposal is in any way necessary. Public ones in particular, but if you're asking each other "shall we get married" then surely you just need to come to an agreement rather then the girl waiting for the guy (or rarely the other way around, other gender combos may vary ) to 'pop the question'.
Nikole 2 years ago
I hate “big deals” (anxiety). My husband and I decided to get married just by talking about it. About a week later, I was coming out of our bathroom and he was waiting for me on one knee with a ring… It was really dear!
Load More Replies...
deanna woods 2 years ago
I don't understand why people do the opposite of what their partner wants. If the girlfriend said that she didn't want a public proposal, then she didn't want a public proposal. He disrespected her wishes and that is why they are not engaged. My parents got engaged just in a private discussion. They decided together that they wanted to get married for forty three years.
CatLady 2 years ago
But did she specify what public proposal meant? Quietly at a table in a bar, to me, is private. If he involved the whole room, yeah, that's public. But he could have very well thought that he was being private if he didn't involve others around him or make a spectacle. I've had a partner whose greatest pleasure was making sure I did not get what I wanted. He bought me stuff he knew I'd hate as gifts. He loved humiliating me in public. It was deliberate and calculated on his part, and when I got upset, he turned it around so I was the abusive one who was always mad at him. It was my first real romantic relationship and it warped and scarred me for life, and I've never had a healthy one. Stephen is not the same. This was misunderstanding, not deliberate calculation.
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Doodles1983 2 years ago
Am I the only one who thinks the GF is overreacting? Without more info on how the bar proposal went down, it’s hard to say. But I think the fact he asked where they had their first interaction is very sweet. It also doesn’t say if he made it a huge thing or asked her quietly at a table etc. I wouldn’t personally call a bar proposal a big song and dance public proposal in any case. Maybe I am an unusual female.
Marnie 2 years ago
I wondered about that as well. I didn't read any of the follow-up comments or article details, just the original post. But maybe the BF thought "public proposal" meant proposing with an audience, rather than just "being in a public place". Probably not, but I like being open-minded when I don't have the full story.
Load More Replies...
Christopher Denney 2 years ago
I've marriages that went out the window because of one spouse not listening to the other. Like the cake thing, the ruining of [thousands?] of dollars worth of clothing for 1 second of doing what you were specifically asked not to do. If a spouse, or potential spouse, cannot be trusted for something so easy, what happens when the hard stuff comes along?
ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
As someone who betrayed trust while saving for a ring, returning it and starting over is a good idea. I took all the money I had saved up for a ring and spent it on some really nice dates. It lasted us a good amount of time. Investing that money back into the relationship is the way to go for sure. It helps to rebuild trust that was lost. Next month is out 6 year wedding anniversary, so we're doing better now. Hope this couple can rebuild what was lost and he can better respect her in the future.
dana maree 2 years ago
What about her thinking about what he wants. It's a two way street. One canyon always be happy when the other is always miserably.
Load More Replies...
Rosie 2 years ago
It's not the location or even having a proposal (since they've already discussed marriage). It's the not listening to multiple statements about what NOT to do. GF is right, that does not bode well for their life together. I appreaciate the guy wanting to do something romantic, but he failed in the first step: what was romantic FOR HER.
Pug Pug 2 years ago
yeah, im sure when you say i dont want anything big and flashy or a gift, i just want you, you mean that and are not disappointed when you didnt get the grand jesture
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nancy 2 years ago
I'm confused about why he is giving her some of the cash from the refund of the ring. This whole thing is weird.
Pug Pug 2 years ago
Because hes a simp boy now. she didn't get what she wanted, so now he must buy her love. Im just assuming here. I don't actually know. Maybe they bought the ring together, like she gave him money towards it, and hes giving her back her share. This relationship is doomed, that much I can say.
Load More Replies...
D. Pitbull 2 years ago
I 100% support Dina for saying no due to the reason given. If she had repeatedly told him what she *did not want* and he goes and does it anyhow - what does that foretell for just about everything else in the relationship? In some ways I wish I was in a position/had the guts to do the same. Partners constantly complain that they 'don't know what the other person wants'... but how are we supposed to take it when we SPELL OUT not only what we want, but what we do NOT want... then the partner chooses to do the 'not want'. Why? Oh, because *they* thought it would be better. THEY wanted to 'follow tradition' (or whatever their reason is). This translates to: "You have no say in this and I value my wants over yours. This isn't for you it's ALL for ME"
R Dennis 2 years ago
I don't get this whole needing a proposal thing. My (now) wife and I talked about it, picked out a ring together, and called it done... 24 years later, better/worse, richer/poorer, sickness/health, we are still together. That said, I think it meant a lot to him - it wasn't "a bar", it was where they met. I don't know about the whole public thing either, but I think he wanted it to be special for him too. Even if she didn't care for it all, she should at least understand why he did it. But honestly, if I asked and she said no I am never asking again. Either you want to marry me or you don't, the venue shouldn't be the deciding factor.
Disgruntled Pelican 2 years ago
He only considered himself and completely ignored her feelings. He knew she didn’t want to be proposed to in public, and he did it anyway. If he was really trying to make it special for both of them, he would’ve chosen something that they BOTH would’ve liked, not what he knew he would like and she would hate.
Load More Replies... Ace 2 years ago (edited)
I completely fail to understand why, if a couple have already been discussing marriage, a big proposal is in any way necessary. Public ones in particular, but if you're asking each other "shall we get married" then surely you just need to come to an agreement rather then the girl waiting for the guy (or rarely the other way around, other gender combos may vary ) to 'pop the question'.
Nikole 2 years ago
I hate “big deals” (anxiety). My husband and I decided to get married just by talking about it. About a week later, I was coming out of our bathroom and he was waiting for me on one knee with a ring… It was really dear!
Load More Replies... deanna woods 2 years ago
I don't understand why people do the opposite of what their partner wants. If the girlfriend said that she didn't want a public proposal, then she didn't want a public proposal. He disrespected her wishes and that is why they are not engaged. My parents got engaged just in a private discussion. They decided together that they wanted to get married for forty three years.
CatLady 2 years ago
But did she specify what public proposal meant? Quietly at a table in a bar, to me, is private. If he involved the whole room, yeah, that's public. But he could have very well thought that he was being private if he didn't involve others around him or make a spectacle. I've had a partner whose greatest pleasure was making sure I did not get what I wanted. He bought me stuff he knew I'd hate as gifts. He loved humiliating me in public. It was deliberate and calculated on his part, and when I got upset, he turned it around so I was the abusive one who was always mad at him. It was my first real romantic relationship and it warped and scarred me for life, and I've never had a healthy one. Stephen is not the same. This was misunderstanding, not deliberate calculation.
Load More Replies... Doodles1983 2 years ago
Am I the only one who thinks the GF is overreacting? Without more info on how the bar proposal went down, it’s hard to say. But I think the fact he asked where they had their first interaction is very sweet. It also doesn’t say if he made it a huge thing or asked her quietly at a table etc. I wouldn’t personally call a bar proposal a big song and dance public proposal in any case. Maybe I am an unusual female.
Marnie 2 years ago
I wondered about that as well. I didn't read any of the follow-up comments or article details, just the original post. But maybe the BF thought "public proposal" meant proposing with an audience, rather than just "being in a public place". Probably not, but I like being open-minded when I don't have the full story.
Load More Replies... Christopher Denney 2 years ago
I've marriages that went out the window because of one spouse not listening to the other. Like the cake thing, the ruining of [thousands?] of dollars worth of clothing for 1 second of doing what you were specifically asked not to do. If a spouse, or potential spouse, cannot be trusted for something so easy, what happens when the hard stuff comes along?
ConstantlyJon 2 years ago
As someone who betrayed trust while saving for a ring, returning it and starting over is a good idea. I took all the money I had saved up for a ring and spent it on some really nice dates. It lasted us a good amount of time. Investing that money back into the relationship is the way to go for sure. It helps to rebuild trust that was lost. Next month is out 6 year wedding anniversary, so we're doing better now. Hope this couple can rebuild what was lost and he can better respect her in the future.
dana maree 2 years ago
What about her thinking about what he wants. It's a two way street. One canyon always be happy when the other is always miserably.
Load More Replies... Rosie 2 years ago
It's not the location or even having a proposal (since they've already discussed marriage). It's the not listening to multiple statements about what NOT to do. GF is right, that does not bode well for their life together. I appreaciate the guy wanting to do something romantic, but he failed in the first step: what was romantic FOR HER.
Pug Pug 2 years ago
yeah, im sure when you say i dont want anything big and flashy or a gift, i just want you, you mean that and are not disappointed when you didnt get the grand jesture
Load More Replies... nancy 2 years ago
I'm confused about why he is giving her some of the cash from the refund of the ring. This whole thing is weird.
Pug Pug 2 years ago
Because hes a simp boy now. she didn't get what she wanted, so now he must buy her love. Im just assuming here. I don't actually know. Maybe they bought the ring together, like she gave him money towards it, and hes giving her back her share. This relationship is doomed, that much I can say.
Load More Replies... D. Pitbull 2 years ago
I 100% support Dina for saying no due to the reason given. If she had repeatedly told him what she *did not want* and he goes and does it anyhow - what does that foretell for just about everything else in the relationship? In some ways I wish I was in a position/had the guts to do the same. Partners constantly complain that they 'don't know what the other person wants'... but how are we supposed to take it when we SPELL OUT not only what we want, but what we do NOT want... then the partner chooses to do the 'not want'. Why? Oh, because *they* thought it would be better. THEY wanted to 'follow tradition' (or whatever their reason is). This translates to: "You have no say in this and I value my wants over yours. This isn't for you it's ALL for ME"
R Dennis 2 years ago
I don't get this whole needing a proposal thing. My (now) wife and I talked about it, picked out a ring together, and called it done... 24 years later, better/worse, richer/poorer, sickness/health, we are still together. That said, I think it meant a lot to him - it wasn't "a bar", it was where they met. I don't know about the whole public thing either, but I think he wanted it to be special for him too. Even if she didn't care for it all, she should at least understand why he did it. But honestly, if I asked and she said no I am never asking again. Either you want to marry me or you don't, the venue shouldn't be the deciding factor.
Disgruntled Pelican 2 years ago
He only considered himself and completely ignored her feelings. He knew she didn’t want to be proposed to in public, and he did it anyway. If he was really trying to make it special for both of them, he would’ve chosen something that they BOTH would’ve liked, not what he knew he would like and she would hate.
Load More Replies...
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