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108
Woman Who’s Always Late Is Shocked When Friend Decides To Stop Accommodating Her
“Time isn’t the main thing. It’s the only thing.” However, Reddit user LateSchlate began to think that one of her friends probably wouldn’t realize this if she didn’t take drastic action. The woman was constantly late to all of their meetings!
So, the Redditor told her to be punctual if she wanted to preserve their relationship. At first, it looked like the message got through, but when the two of them agreed to have brunch, the friend reverted to her own personal time zone, and all hell broke loose.
RELATED:
Time is one of (if not) the most precious resources we have
Image credits: benzoix (not the actual photo)
So this woman decided to stop giving her friend a pass for being late everywhere they go
Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)
Image credits: freepik (not the actual)
Image credits: LateSchlate
The actual number might be different in other cultures, but Americans believe the woman would have been late even if she arrived only 15 minutes after the agreed time
A study of 3,000 American adults discovered that “early is on time,” with more than half admitting they consider themselves “obsessed” with timekeeping.
The Redditor’s friend got offended because she didn’t wait for her for half an hour, but the survey revealed that anything past 13 minutes is usually considered “late,” and 56% of respondents said they plan ahead to ensure they are never running behind schedule.
However, the data also revealed that seven in ten friend groups have a person who is notorious for being late (even though less than a quarter admitted they are “that friend”).
And, on average, it only takes being late five times for people to be upset with you.
Many tried the tactic proposed by the Redditor’s friend — 47% have even sneakily told a friend that a meeting time was earlier than it was, so if they showed up late, they were actually on time. But, the “solution” is questionable at best since it addresses the result of the problem and not its roots.
The study found the most popular excuses for being late include blaming the traffic (37%), a morning alarm not going off (33%), and the car not starting (32%).
There’s a good chance the friend isn’t fond of her old habit either, as Americans typically feel anxious (43%), annoyed (36%), and concerned (28%) if it’s looking like they’re going to be late somewhere. But, of course, that doesn’t give her the right to repeatedly disrespect others like this.
People said the woman had every right to enforce her boundaries
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LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Selective lateness (as in, OP's friend is always late to hanging out/casual stuff, but never to work/catching a flight/etc.) is so incredibly insulting to the people who are waiting. And one doesn't get to pick and choose the times one blames ADHD for lateness. A grown adult deserves to be treated like a kindergartener if they demand that the OTHER PERSON "remind" them of the time - if OP hangs out with this friend in the future, she should text her like she's a toddler. "Did you put on your shoes? Did you wear a jacket? Snack time is at noon." However, since the friend begged OP not to stop hanging out with her, methinks that the friend has burned time-bridges with all her OTHER friends, who now refuse to hang out with her due to her lateness, and OP is the last bastion.
Amelia Jade 10 months ago
I'm trying really hard to have some grace for people who have excuses like ADHD, anxiety, etc. But I have an anxiety disorder and OCD. It can be a b***h to get out of the house because I have to do checks, and sometimes those checks require me to circle the car back around to the house to do more checks. It's a whole process. And yet, I'm never late. I'm so worried of letting people down, or missing an appointment, etc that I can't be late. And I certainly would never leave my kids waiting. I'm usually early if i have to pick them up from somewhere because I hate the idea of them standing there, wondering where I am.
Amelia Jade 10 months ago (edited)
I dropped a friend due to her lateness. It just got to be too much. We'd make plans and she'd be 30 minutes to an hour late. We once had plans to have a picnic at a lake with our kids. I showed up, set up, and then we waited. She shows up over an hour late, we've been waiting to eat. She apologize for being late and says they stopped and got lunch on the way there since they were late anyway. So, we haven't eaten because we were waiting on them, and now we don't want to eat because they're just sitting there. She'd invite me over and I'd show up and she'd be like, "Sit down and relax. I need to shower." You knew I was coming over. You couldn't have showered before I got here? I realized how much of my time was being wasted always waiting around for her, so I stopped making plans with her.
Load More Replies...
Gwyn 10 months ago
No one commenting on how the friend called to say she would be 10 minutes late but was 30 minutes late? I'm my mind, this means that the friend knew she was going to be later than 10 minutes but was lying to get OP to wait even longer. Obviously this is more than a time management problem.
firecrackershrimp 10 months ago
Yes that's more the rub for late people... They try to make it sound reasonable and come ridiculously late. Like don't lie .
Load More Replies...
Betsy S 10 months ago (edited)
ADHD is NOT a mental illness! It's a neurological variation and only needs to be accommodated (mostly by the affected person) and can be managed with appropriate commitment.
firecrackershrimp 10 months ago
What do you think a mental illness is ??? It's a neurological or chemical variation!!!
Load More Replies...
Schmebulock 10 months ago
Plan something that has a definite start time like the movies. If she shows up late for that she is the only one that will miss out.
ॐBoyGanesh 10 months ago (edited)
Time is precious & valuable. It’s so finite for each of us. Anyone who can’t respect your time doesn’t respect you. I’ve found that when friendships have subtle or indirect inequalities (money, able bodied, conventional beauty, so on and so on) is when someone abuses my time. It’s like some weird, unconscious act. Which, of course, is just a rationalization. “Why should he care if I’m 30 minutes late, he has…..” I know it seems illogical, but those who’ve habitually wasted my time (not valued it) have argued what I possess that they don’t as a response to me calling them out on the value of my time. The last time I called a friend out on hijacking my time by keeping me waiting, her first response was, “Oh please, you spend 10 hours a week flying back & forth between homes (mine & my mothers, who I look after) & make more money the 20 hours/week you work than I make in 40.” Literally justifying always keeping me waiting cos I travel to spend time with my mother.
Janissary35680 10 months ago
For as long as I've lived I've adhered to this rule: There are plenty of solutions to being too early; there are no acceptable solutions to being too late. The rule has never disappointed me.
firecrackershrimp 10 months ago
Interesting that the poll didn't depend more on who it was... Had a grandma that we knew would always be late to events and visits. Not because she was being inconsiderate but because being older meant she couldn't rely on what kind of day she was having. The whole family knew this and we accommodated her. We went on with our events and she joined when she could and everyone welcomed her then. Ditto with people with small children and or handicaps. But abled bodied adults ? Nah.
Little Bit 10 months ago
NTA. Whatever her excuse, given that it's not the first time this has happened, she really couldn’t care less about you or your friendship. If there’s one thing I can't stand it is chronic lateness, especially when the person who is late can't be bothered to let you know, and even worse when they do finally turn up they they think that their tardiness is one big joke.
T'Mar of Vulcan 10 months ago
My mother was *always* late. I think it had to do with an untreated/undiagnosed anxiety disorder, but she could not be on time for anything. She'd pick me and my brother up from school at least 15 minutes late every day, and sometimes up to 45 minutes to an hour late. Eventually we got clever and when she'd drop us off at, say, the movies, we'd tell her a time 15 minutes before we actually wanted her there. This helped a bit except once in a while she'd send our dad, who was a stickler for timeliness, and it would backfire on us. When I see the kids I teach waiting after school for 15 to 45 minutes (if not longer), I know exactly how they feel.
Power puff scientist 10 months ago
what a nonsense argument, so whatever bad habits your friends have, they should not improve themselves, no its up to you to adapt and accomodate for their bad habits. this just makes me think you lost friends in the past because of your bad habits and you blame them for breaking the friendship with you. which is just jumping to conclusions but still your comment is dumb. you plan your schedule with those people together, you dont expect them to only adjust to your schedule but you do expect them to respect your agreed upon times because no one likes to wait 30+ minutes because their friend is incapable to stick to agreement or send a message i advance so you can actually adapt.
Load More Replies... LakotaWolf (she/her) 10 months ago
Selective lateness (as in, OP's friend is always late to hanging out/casual stuff, but never to work/catching a flight/etc.) is so incredibly insulting to the people who are waiting. And one doesn't get to pick and choose the times one blames ADHD for lateness. A grown adult deserves to be treated like a kindergartener if they demand that the OTHER PERSON "remind" them of the time - if OP hangs out with this friend in the future, she should text her like she's a toddler. "Did you put on your shoes? Did you wear a jacket? Snack time is at noon." However, since the friend begged OP not to stop hanging out with her, methinks that the friend has burned time-bridges with all her OTHER friends, who now refuse to hang out with her due to her lateness, and OP is the last bastion.
Amelia Jade 10 months ago
I'm trying really hard to have some grace for people who have excuses like ADHD, anxiety, etc. But I have an anxiety disorder and OCD. It can be a b***h to get out of the house because I have to do checks, and sometimes those checks require me to circle the car back around to the house to do more checks. It's a whole process. And yet, I'm never late. I'm so worried of letting people down, or missing an appointment, etc that I can't be late. And I certainly would never leave my kids waiting. I'm usually early if i have to pick them up from somewhere because I hate the idea of them standing there, wondering where I am.
Amelia Jade 10 months ago (edited)
I dropped a friend due to her lateness. It just got to be too much. We'd make plans and she'd be 30 minutes to an hour late. We once had plans to have a picnic at a lake with our kids. I showed up, set up, and then we waited. She shows up over an hour late, we've been waiting to eat. She apologize for being late and says they stopped and got lunch on the way there since they were late anyway. So, we haven't eaten because we were waiting on them, and now we don't want to eat because they're just sitting there. She'd invite me over and I'd show up and she'd be like, "Sit down and relax. I need to shower." You knew I was coming over. You couldn't have showered before I got here? I realized how much of my time was being wasted always waiting around for her, so I stopped making plans with her.
Load More Replies... Gwyn 10 months ago
No one commenting on how the friend called to say she would be 10 minutes late but was 30 minutes late? I'm my mind, this means that the friend knew she was going to be later than 10 minutes but was lying to get OP to wait even longer. Obviously this is more than a time management problem.
firecrackershrimp 10 months ago
Yes that's more the rub for late people... They try to make it sound reasonable and come ridiculously late. Like don't lie .
Load More Replies... Betsy S 10 months ago (edited)
ADHD is NOT a mental illness! It's a neurological variation and only needs to be accommodated (mostly by the affected person) and can be managed with appropriate commitment.
firecrackershrimp 10 months ago
What do you think a mental illness is ??? It's a neurological or chemical variation!!!
Load More Replies... Schmebulock 10 months ago
Plan something that has a definite start time like the movies. If she shows up late for that she is the only one that will miss out.
ॐBoyGanesh 10 months ago (edited)
Time is precious & valuable. It’s so finite for each of us. Anyone who can’t respect your time doesn’t respect you. I’ve found that when friendships have subtle or indirect inequalities (money, able bodied, conventional beauty, so on and so on) is when someone abuses my time. It’s like some weird, unconscious act. Which, of course, is just a rationalization. “Why should he care if I’m 30 minutes late, he has…..” I know it seems illogical, but those who’ve habitually wasted my time (not valued it) have argued what I possess that they don’t as a response to me calling them out on the value of my time. The last time I called a friend out on hijacking my time by keeping me waiting, her first response was, “Oh please, you spend 10 hours a week flying back & forth between homes (mine & my mothers, who I look after) & make more money the 20 hours/week you work than I make in 40.” Literally justifying always keeping me waiting cos I travel to spend time with my mother.
Janissary35680 10 months ago
For as long as I've lived I've adhered to this rule: There are plenty of solutions to being too early; there are no acceptable solutions to being too late. The rule has never disappointed me.
firecrackershrimp 10 months ago
Interesting that the poll didn't depend more on who it was... Had a grandma that we knew would always be late to events and visits. Not because she was being inconsiderate but because being older meant she couldn't rely on what kind of day she was having. The whole family knew this and we accommodated her. We went on with our events and she joined when she could and everyone welcomed her then. Ditto with people with small children and or handicaps. But abled bodied adults ? Nah.
Little Bit 10 months ago
NTA. Whatever her excuse, given that it's not the first time this has happened, she really couldn’t care less about you or your friendship. If there’s one thing I can't stand it is chronic lateness, especially when the person who is late can't be bothered to let you know, and even worse when they do finally turn up they they think that their tardiness is one big joke.
T'Mar of Vulcan 10 months ago
My mother was *always* late. I think it had to do with an untreated/undiagnosed anxiety disorder, but she could not be on time for anything. She'd pick me and my brother up from school at least 15 minutes late every day, and sometimes up to 45 minutes to an hour late. Eventually we got clever and when she'd drop us off at, say, the movies, we'd tell her a time 15 minutes before we actually wanted her there. This helped a bit except once in a while she'd send our dad, who was a stickler for timeliness, and it would backfire on us. When I see the kids I teach waiting after school for 15 to 45 minutes (if not longer), I know exactly how they feel.
Power puff scientist 10 months ago
what a nonsense argument, so whatever bad habits your friends have, they should not improve themselves, no its up to you to adapt and accomodate for their bad habits. this just makes me think you lost friends in the past because of your bad habits and you blame them for breaking the friendship with you. which is just jumping to conclusions but still your comment is dumb. you plan your schedule with those people together, you dont expect them to only adjust to your schedule but you do expect them to respect your agreed upon times because no one likes to wait 30+ minutes because their friend is incapable to stick to agreement or send a message i advance so you can actually adapt.
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