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55 Dads Share What They Learned About Women After They Had A Daughter
Women can experience misogyny from the moment they are born, and sometimes even before that. Men do not always see or experience these inequalities firsthand, but becoming a father to a girl can make some of them much more aware of how society treats women as they grow up.
One Redditor asked men to share how their view of women changed after having a daughter, and they came through with plenty of answers. We’ve rounded up some of their responses below. Scroll down to read them and share your thoughts in the comments.
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#1
Honestly? No. My view of women hasn't changed.
I sometimes hear men say things like, "I support the #MeToo movement because I have two daughters." Or, "Of course I want more increased opportunities for girls. I have a daughter."
For me, that's a stupid reason to support something. I support equal opportunity for everyone because I believe in equality for all human beings. I didn't need to have my daughter to suddenly care about women.
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#2
All the macho talk about not letting your daughter date and talking to the bf while cleaning your gun is stupid once I had a daughter. She’s not my property, she’s my daughter. She’s a smart, caring, thoughtful, amazing person. My job is to raise her the right way so she respects others and, most importantly, herself. If she makes wrong decisions, me and her mom will always be there to pick her up and help her through it. I hate that macho stuff, it’s selling your daughter short.
#3
I have 2 girls (3 and 5) and they are both about the same size. Very healthy and active but the little one is just growing faster.
This is a problem to my MIL who likes to say one is built like a princess and one is built like a linebacker. She always comments on it to them and even withholds food from the little one when I'm not around.
What kind of monster starts bullying and body shaming a little girl at age 3?
Ive talked to my wife extensively about this and apparently my MIL did the same to my wife as well growing up about body image and weight. I never understood how destructive women can be to each other about appearance.
She's a little girl. A 3 year old little girl and if you ever make her cry or feel ashamed about her body I'm going to knock grandma's teeth out and take my little girls to Disneyland.
#4
Was really surprised to see how important female characters in media and video games were to my daughter. Opened my eyes to the value of seeing people that look like yourself doing things.
Daisydaisy 17 hours ago
And it is so sad, being a parent of girls, to notice that the vast majority of female characters in media are above all "pretty". That's the way you get male approval, which is still so often seen as the most important thing. Female characters are increasingly allowed to be brave or clever or strong, but only if they are pretty. Still not allowed to be fat or old or plain. I long for the day when women will be allowed to just be ordinary people
#5
I guess the biggest thing I noticed was how early the creepyness towards girls starts. My daughter was like 2 months old and people were already saying cthings like "oh, blue eyes! you better lock her up when shes a teen!" or "oh wow! shes gonna be a leggy blond!" "you're going to have to keep a CLOSE eye on her around the boys!"
"THOUGH SHE IS BUT AN INFANT, SOME DAY INDIVIDUALS WILL WISH TO HAVE HER! IT WILL BE YOUR DUTY AS THE DOMINANT MALE OF YOUR FAMILIAL UNIT TO ENSURE THAT TOO MANY UNDESIREABLE MATES DO NOT COPULATE WITH HER. YOU ARE WELCOME FOR THE COMPLIMENT! GOOD DAY SIR!"
Nobody does that with boys. Boys people just speculate about if theyll be good at football, or smart, or strong.
Black Cat 17 hours ago
I was 12 when it started. Too young for braces but apparently not too young to be invited to sit on some a-hole's face. By the time I was in my 20s I'd lost all respect for men and have treated some men really badly because of it. Nowadays I stay single and not bother with men at all. Not worth the risk.
#6
I don’t think I’d say different, but I’m much more likely to call out misbehavior when I see it. Every guy has has those friends that throw a little bit of casual s*xism into their humor on occasion, and while it’s never really been my style of humor I never really said anything about it to stop it either; it’s hard to fit in sometimes and you don’t want to be the party pooper if you’ve found yourself a group. Now though, guys that participate in that are generally no longer people I associate with. I’m seeing the world partially through my daughters eyes now, and even as early as kindergarten she’s having to deal with bullies at school trying to put girls down simply because they hold the belief that boys are better. The work I’ve had to do with her to educate her, help her believe in herself and build up her own self-confidence has actually been a really difficult thing for me. So I know a lot of dudes aren’t actually s*xist and wouldn’t say s*xist stuff in front of women, but maybe they casually say that in front of their son and their son not knowing better just believes that boys are better than girls.
Not speaking up is condoning the behavior, normalizing it, and that’s not a world I want my daughter growing up in. Women have it hard enough without having to deal with implicit or casual s*xism too.
#7
Funny, i thought mine was pretty open before my daughter. thought women were equal and all that. but it has changed i guess in that i think i'm more vocal or pro-active with it. she is only 2 but they were playing some game and they wanted her to be the "princess". i explained to her, you certainly can be the "fighter" too, no need to just assume a role. Got her trucks and stuff too because that is what she likes, letting her know the world is open
it certainly is tough to put in to practice as she gets older, but i think i have my heels dug in to have her back no matter where this goes.
#8
I realize how difficult it is being a woman . They always have to deal with the objectification issue no matter what they do. leering looks, odd come ons, all the time. It must be incredibly frustrating after awhile and you must just want to tell a creeper "look,, I am just here trying to buy groceries, work out or get the oil changed on my car. I am not looking to start dating a complete stranger."
So having daughters has made me a bit more conscious about my own behavior around women.
#9
No, it's made me double down on my position that women are not damsels and shouldn't be treated like they are. They need to be resilient, capable, tough, and ready to take on the world.
#11
I understand more some people point of view regarding women in movies and media. I mean I was a bit "yeah, that's right", but I did not know to what extent there are very few positive models for young girls. It's not non existent though, but you have to almost limit you to things made the last 15 years.
Before that, women are dumb, or succeed through marrying rich men, or are just a prize for the hero. And even after that, a lot of "positive" roles are kung fu expert jerks... Successful business women are for most of them negative, corrupted characters (that is the case in the 3 last series I've seen, "the boys", "Jessica Jones", and "the bodyguard").
#12
I'm now supremely aggressive whenever I catch misogynistic behavior. In the past, I ranged between doing those kind of things myself (especially the dumb "jokes") to just shrugging and going "meh, don't be a snowflake". Nowadays... yeah, just don't do that in my general vicinity or at least be prepared to get yelled at.
#13
That I’m a bull in a china shop when it comes to their feelings( I have two daughters) . I’ve learned that if I think that something is slightly insensitive then it is most definitely will cut them deep. If I think that something is even slightly uplifting it will make their day.
I’ve also learned that my daughters want me to be genuinely interested in them.
I’ve learned that they see me as one who can protect them and one who can exasperate them.
But what I’ve really learned is how much softer and kinder my daughters mere presence bring out in me. They truly taught me how to love and be loved. Truly the most valuable gifts I’ve ever received.
#14
I have two teenage step daughters, no kids of my own. I met my current fiancé when they were 7 and 9 years old and they’re now 14 and 16.
I would say that since I met them and having been around more woman in general since I met my fiancé has really opened up my views on how woman are treated in general. From guiding them through teen drama and dealing with boys it’s really just different methods, I don’t know how else to describe it. In most cases we usually reach the same conclusions but have vastly different methods on how to get there.
I think that worldwide we really need to treat each other better in general but the double standards applied to women compared to men blows my mind.
#15
I noticed that a lot of women around us have been the ones trying to enforce traditional feminine norms, as opposed a patriarchal thing. My daughter will happily play with dolls, but she also loves cars, building things, and Spider-Man. Two of those are definitely not from mom and dad, as I don’t build much beyond LEGO, and I am super bored with cars. Grandma, aunts, and female cousins are constantly trying to make her wear nothing but pink, frilly things, and only play with dolls and kitchen toys. She would rather wear black and red, or anything with monsters or Halloween themes. I let her enjoy whatever she likes, but the women in the family get upset when she pretends to be Simba or Spider-Man.
#16
Yes, 100%. These little sweethearts want the simplest things. All I have to do is be here and they're happy.
#17
My dayghter is almost 4, so its hard to say exactly how my views have changed but I know I have a more sympathetic outlook for sure. But, if I may take this a slightly different route I would say my overall outlook on the world we live in has changed. I realize how little most people seem to care unless the woman is either hilarious or gorgeous. It made me see just how bad I had been and others around my friend group were as teens/early adults. Its bonkers raising a daughter. But she is for sure the reason I have been becoming a better man.
#18
Broadly, I've always been on the "women are people train" even before my little miss.
After her I'm pretty sure her existence is what gave me the chutzpah to actually being lodging complaints about my one gross coworker and how he pestered the new girl 30 years younger than himself.
So, she gave me more active strength to do what is right.
Edit: one of the few times I'm genuinely confused about the down votes.
Margaret Shannon 53 minutes ago
Why did he have to become a father to realize that women are human beings?
#19
For me, having daughters made me reflect a whole lot more on how I treat others.
I’m not a true jerk or anything but I can be selfish at times and treat others poorly from time to time. Especially in high school I was a real jerk and who cheated on most of the girlfriends I had.
So now that I have two daughters (4 and 9), I constantly think about how I am shaping their expectations of how men should act, through my actions. Hypocritical as it may be, nowadays I get real pissed at cheaters, for example.
I try to use how I treat my wife and daughters as an example of what they should look for in a guy later on. Not full-on “princess” status though. You still have chores. You still have responsibilities. But you are ALWAYS treated with honor and respect.
#20
Yes, it has. My view of men has changed a lot too. I was selfish and driven to chase after ‘conquests’ with women before she was born. Now, I know what love is, and it has nothing to do with following my impulses. I would k**l or d*e for that kid, and my son too! Love has nothing to do with my image of myself or my image to others, my drives and temporary desires, or even my need for survival. It’s total and unconditional sacrifice for someone other than yourself without resentment or self-serving agendas.
What I see differently about women is that they want the same experience, no matter what they may think or say. What I see differently about men, is the exact same thing.
Grace Sssssss 17 hours ago
Women "want the same experience, no matter what they may think or say"? Am I reading this incorrectly? Does this man say he knows what I want even more than I do?
#21
It hasn’t changed HOW I think about women, but it has vastly increased my perception of how women are treated. That may have happened with a son, because he would need to be raised to be respectful and fair, but I don’t have one so.... That’s true for everything though. I know I need to support her 110%, because she’s inevitably going to run into mysogony, but it’s not like any other kid would only get 80% support. It’s hard to say that anything special happened or changed when n=1.
#22
Absolutely! I used to think women and men were equal in emotional content but boy was I wrong. I have seen my mom and sister struggle with emotions but when I saw my own daughter struggle I realised that being a girl and going through puberty is an emotional roller coaster that I could not handle personally. Great respect for all the women in my life, including the transgenders. I love you all!
Charlotte 16 hours ago
Yeah, I dunno about this. I've seen the stepsons have some pretty big emotional drama. I think the difference is boys are allowed to be mad for days girls are expected to drop one perfect tear and then move on. There's a healthy place somewhere between those two I hope we can encourage kids towards.
#23
Having a daughter made me more open and accepting to experiences women have, both negative and positive. I read more female-centric content in order to better understand what my daughter may encounter in life so that I can try to give the tools she might not have otherwise had. I do not think my view of women has changed much, I think my acceptance of women's world view has changed for the better. Hopefully, that makes sense.
#24
Two daughters. For me it's caused a shift in how I view society and given me a much greater appreciation for how women and men are treated differently. Take the gender wage gap, for example. It's not that I wasn't aware of the problem, but having daughters has caused me to think a lot more about how significant such issues are and double-check myself to make sure I'm not perpetuating manufactured gender roles or stereotypes.
#25
Yes. Substantially. I have much more empathy of other people’s experiences, specifically women. I think about if my daughter had to go through what others are going through. Frankly it scares me.
I’m married and I never really thought of myself as a “mans man”, but I respect and think of women entirely different. I definitely think about the women i come across as their own individual person who deserve respect, not that I have ever really thought the alternative.
My daughter has melted my heart and made me more nurturing. I do girly things with her and I love her unconditionally. When she falls I’m right there to support her. I often feel if I had a son first, I may have treated him differently. You know, he falls and I tell him to “walk it off” because he’s a boy and boys are tough.
I’m glad I have a daughter, my wife’s preggers with our second and I’d be happy with a girl.
#26
I have 2 girls and I'm not sure I would say my view of women has changed as much as I would say it's been totally expanded. Well, I guess that is changed.
There's lots that I never really thought about that now I worry about, sympathize with, and care about.
#27
Not really except I try to see how women succeed in this male driven world and try to verbally guide my daughter into thinking of what she would like to do in the future. I want her to have a job/career that she loves. I always tell her to look around and see what other people are doing. She's 10 but I don't think it's too young to which she can at least start thinking about what she would like to do for her own income.
#28
I see more of the struggle for equality. This struggle is different than I guess I would have thought it to be . I see it as the coach of my daughters basketball team just getting the same treatment as the boys team is a struggle it’s a simple as not getting same quality uniforms or not getting some of the better practice times it’s more subtle than I expected but can be angering . I usually speak to my daughter about it and say when you see it point it out . I like to think of Hanlons Razor as often as I can . Because men can often time be poor communicators . Men expect you to fight for your share this is how men have done things as long as I have been one and I’m sure before me . So I don’t go around complaining per se but I do teach my daughter to fight for what’s hers and make sure to tell her never let that become special treatment. If your a young man and having a daughter or have a very young daughter it is a new world out there for you . But don’t think is all odds against you or her, this has brought me closer to my daughter and taught me to teach her not to be a victim but a champion for herself and to coach others to the same confidence.
#29
I have three daughters ages 7, 6 and 4. I notice they get a lot more pink plastic soon to go in the landfill toys and their male cousins get more action figure types or STEM related. We try and drop hints during birthdays and Christmas but no one seems to catch on. One of their Aunts deposits money direct into their 529 plans for gifts and I think that's great.
#30
I'm more sensitive to the discrimination, because I see how it will effect my daughter in the future. It's like I went from passively being concerned to actively concerned.
Like this- it annoys me the number of moms with sons who think they can lay claim to my daughter. I can feel the pressure that creates and how it warps expectations of your body and consent. It seems stupid and like "it's just a joke," but I can see what it does to my daughter, I can tell it effects how she feels about herself.
The other day a friend said, "What if my_daughter is her_son's first kiss? Oooh" and I kind of snapped with, "She might be his first kiss, but he won't be hers." Like back off, she's a kid, she has a lot of life to go through before that comes up. It wouldn't have bothered me before, I would have thought it's just an innocent joke, but now I see how much it effects her, and I hate it.
#31
Girls don't think in traditional logic sense.
Men/Boys build a system that punishes and keeps order. You can see this on a playground, they'll even do mock courts. There's a degree of leeway in which they can wiggle in and through, but they typically stick to the rules and the plan. They prefer "justice" and impartiality, and like to hammer things down as definite 1's and 0's. Either something "is," or something "isn't."
When I sat back and saw a pattern from all the girls who played on the playground on the other hand, the systems they build is completely different. They'll work together on a project in ones-or-twos. They rarely stick to anything as-defined. This makes them more flexible, but also limits the scope of the projects. They're also quick to pile on to the scope of that project, though- but mostly in a sales sense. "Yeah, it can do this thing, too!" (it's a daisy chain. Suddenly it fights crime, too, because they want for it to be able to. The boys will just stop and start building something new to tackle that particular task- again, almost entirely "punishment and enforcement" centric.)
Neither of these seems better than the other, just very different. I did daycare for a few years in varying program aspects, then ran a children's nonprofit.
agermanhome 48 minutes ago (edited)
As a mother of boys and girls (as well as working with kids), I can not confirm that as a general rule. It's age more than anything, followed by individual personality.
#32
I have two daughters, both now adults. I cannot watch any sort of crime drama involving violence towards women. My wife and daughters can, and do often; I have to leave the room.
#33
I never realized how strong and independent you ladies are. I always had this macho ideal that us strong men should always protect the "weaker" gender. But man oh man my daughter is strong. She's the complete opposite of what I had assumed a dainty little girl would grow up to be. So strong physically and mentally with so much will to go her own way. A leader in every sense of the word, giving her opinion no matter what.Talks out problems, doesn't rush to conclusions. She's a better person already than I am and I ain't even ashamed to say it.
Don't worry tough guy dads, I still show who's boss when there's a spider around!
#34
Told her she couldn't date until she's 35 (she's 13 now). Then my wife went and messed up everything up with logic: "Don't you want her to make mistakes now when we can help her, rather than when she's an adult?"
#35
I have daughters from age 25 done to 6. I don’t think my view of women has changed because of them but because of the aging factor and becoming mature as well as the progression of time and social standards. It’s been much the same way my views of many things have changed over the years as I’ve broadened my experience in life and expanded my views on things such as politics, immigration, universal health care etc,etc...
In contrast, my views on teenage boys haven’t changed at all, I know exactly what they have in mind when they knock on the door, and I understand that and don’t blame them for it, I’ve taught my daughters to make good decisions in life and leave the choices they make up to them.
#36
My wife is supremely capable and is highly successful working in a women-dominated field. Having a daughter who is more than a little like me has made me pay more attention to sexism, have a voice against it, and support the women on my teams more.
I didn’t notice the discrimination as much with my wife, but when I imagine my daughter’s future, I see it and it makes me mad.
#37
Just the process of being in the room while my wife gave birth changed a lot of my views of women. The most immediate was my attitude towards periods. After seeing this living creature come screaming into the world covered in all sorts of crazy fluid and then the placenta following up, a little blood is nothing.
#38
I would say definitely yes, my view of women and women's struggles have changed. I grew up with a brother so I never really saw or experienced the 'girl' side of life. I didn't realize there was such a difference until I had a daughter of my own.
Now that I have a daughter, I have been and am still being exposed to what I would call 'girl culture'. I've watched 'girl' TV shows with her, played Barbie dolls and other 'girl' toys with her. Taken her to 'girl' activities (dance, gymnastics) and whatnot. It's a very different experience for me and I think the exposure has made me a better person and more empathetic.
#39
See women as something to nurture, not something to conquer.
#40
i dont think mine has changed too much but i think about it and i am shocked it took so long for society to change. things like letting women vote or work certain jobs. i see my girls and i see smart ambitious kids. i want them to be happy and do anything they want in life. i just dont understand how fathers saw their daughters and were ok with them growing up with no rights, no vote and not allow them to pursue their dreams.
#41
I’m a single father with a live-in nanny. I have a boy and a girl; my son just turned seven and my daughter turns five next month.
I’m protective of both of my kids; we live in China a mom was a local. So there are issues of language, identity and all of that. I tend to focus more on those things than on the fact that my daughter is a girl, if that makes sense.
As she gets older and deal with more “adult” issues I imagine my perspective could change.
#42
Looking back, yes, I think so.
Now I’m a bit more supportive of women’s sports and accomplishments.
I also notice women role models more for my girls.
It gives me the opportunity to be more empathetic because I can look at things from the angle “what if it was my daughter?”
I have to say, when we first found out my wife was pregnant, I was praying for a boy, but I honestly believe being a girl dad has made me into a much more, well rounded, man.
That’s just my experience.
#43
I always thought young women were more mature and together. Then I got teenage daughters and...insanity.
#44
My husband says that since having a daughter, he has discovered that he is very uncomfortable with the way most women are viewed/treated in the Marine Corps. He frequently mentions that he is now actively trying to effect change because this is not the type of Corps he wants his daughter to join in 15-18 years. He also makes a point of being publicly “unaffected” by participating in typically female activities... wearing a tiara at Disneyland/tea parties/wearing pink socks that she picked out.
#45
Immensely, anytime I date a woman I treat her with respect way more than I did before I had a daughter. Being a dad now with a daughter changed my viewpoint exponentially for the positive.
#46
Oh man I feel so guilty after manhandling a woman now. Like that's someone's daughter.
#47
Not the parent of girls but a teacher at girl's schools for the better part of two decades. It has certainly affected the way I talk to my boys about how they interact with people. We have talked about things that I never would have thought to talk to them about otherwise. We have conversations about consent and physical contact. We have had more conversations about respect of others and defense of others. I have also changed myself during that time. I believe I have more respect for women and count myself as a feminist.
#48
I have a 9 year old daughter. I actually think women might be more manipulative and cunning than I originally anticipated.
My daughter and her friends practice crying in front of each other.
#49
Their desire to fit in and be part of a popular social group is exhausting. Every day is this person at school did this this person said that, I'm not friends with this person now. That and the relentless texting it drives me mad.
I never went through this either we had to group for sports or someone had a console game that needed two players, that was it no drama.
#50
No, my view hasn't changed.
I have twin daughters, and always said that if I had kids I would prefer to have girls, since girls seem to stay in touch better with their parents throughout their lives.
I was raised by two parents, with a strong mom. I've always been interested in smart women, who don't mind being bold. My best friends throughout life have been a mix of males and females.
I used to describe myself as a feminist, but being stomped upon by people on the internet has made me tone that down.
That aside, I still enjoy all types of humour, including crude jokes about men, women, etc. I was told that my sense of humour would change after the girls were born, but it hasn't. It's just giving me more material.
#51
It’s honestly helped me. I realized that my wife was born this way, and therefore I shouldn’t expect her to change. I’m much more comfortable which her being emotional and have stopped trying to WIN emotional arguments with logic.
#52
I always knew that I needed to protect my heart when I was in any type of relationship with a woman. I knew that I was vulnerable so I guarded my heart. When my only daughter was born I completely forgot that rule. How could this tiny, adorable little girl possibly be any kind of a threat to me? By the time I figgered out that I should have guarded my heart it was way too late to do anything but surrender. I not only love her I admire her but she does own my heart so I'm probably not a good resource to question.
#53
My sis is 16 years younger than me.
I learned that almost all women like validation on how they look. So, to my girl friends and my sister and almost any female, I try to observe and try to say something positive about them. Everyone has a positive quality and if you're courteous it can brighten someone's day, even if it's somethibg just like "hey, great shoes!". That means a lot, that you notice those little things.
#54
Before I had my daughters, I was big on nurture vs nature. All the “gender is something we learn”, that there’s no innate difference between girls and boys. Girls are just as likely to like trucks as boys are if you let them, etc. etc.
I tried it, it didn’t really work out.
When my son was born, I couldn’t help but notice the difference between them, even at just one or two years old.
Boys are boys and girls are girls. They don’t arrive as blank slates.
#55
I have 3 girls, no boys. I always thought having to put the toilet seat down was nonsense, like, sure but you have to put it up too. Ive been beaten into submission though, my mind has been somewhat changed by the argument of peeing in the night, not being able to see a toilet good enough.. Still, sometimes ill just close both lids, if i have to adjust the seat every time then so do you. It's not my fault yall sit without looking
TLDR: kinda but no, not really.
TheElderNom 13 hours ago
But guys sit to do number two too. So statistically speaking it needs to be down more than up. Especially in a family with more girls than guys. Also some men per sitting down.
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