Couple Hides From Family That They Bought A House 2 Years Ago, They Find Out And Are Furious
There are many reasons in the world, from pretty logical to absolutely insane, why a person could avoid purchasing a house, but also no less reasons why owning a house is incredibly cool. Well, or a house that belongs to your relatives, and where you can come on vacation… even if the owners are against it.
Further proof is, for instance, this post from the user u/Low_Muffin_292283, which in just a couple of days collected more than 9.4K upvotes and almost 2K various comments in the AITA Reddit community. More family drama, more people desperately longing to insert themselves into someone’s lives… However, let’s read on and judge for yourself.
More info: Reddit
The author of the post and her husband decided to buy a lakeside house around two years ago
Image credits: Max Rahubovskiy (not the actual photo)
However, their numerous relatives started making truly Napoleonic plans about vacationing in this house too
Image credits: u/Low_Muffin_292283
So the spouses thought a bit… and then lied to their relatives about the house purchase deal falling through at the last moment
Image credits: Kindel Media (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Low_Muffin_292283
Two years passed – and then one of their family members found out the truth, so massive drama arose
Image credits: Lisa Fotios (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/Low_Muffin_292283
The woman’s mom even demanded spare keys, threatening to cut all ties in case of a refusal
The Original Poster (OP) and her husband decided to buy a house a couple of years ago – a spacious beautiful house on the lake. Where they could enjoy the surrounding beauty, arrange everything the way they (and only they) like, raise children and then calmly meet old age.
A great idea – especially considering that in the country where the OP and her husband live, most people live in apartments rather than houses. The couple’s relatives were also particularly enthusiastic: their parents said that they would come there to play with the kids, some guys were already imagining outdoor parties… and, of course, no one asked the future homeowners.
And then the spouses simultaneously had a reasonable question – is it even worth buying the house of your dreams if it automatically becomes the house of someone else’s dreams as well? So it turned out that the partners told all of their relatives that the deal to buy the house, alas, fell through at the last moment. Everyone was incredibly upset, but what can you actually do here?
The only ones who were privy to the secret that the couple had actually bought this house were their closest friends – and the next two years were filled with plenty of magical moments without any annoying and nosy relatives. But everything that’s hidden has the peculiarity of coming to the surface sooner or later…
This is what happened this time too. One of the OP’s friends published a photo from a party in the house, and it so happened that their relatives saw the post. Needless to say, a terrible scandal broke out, and now the families of both spouses are giving them the silent treatment, accusing them of being overly entitled and selfish. But they just wanted peace and quiet, the original poster says…
Image credits: SHVETS production (not the actual photo)
Moreover, in the comments to the post, the author says that her mother nearly issued an ultimatum, demanding that her daughter give her spare keys from her house, which certainly should not be given – here is some more proof. Otherwise, the relatives en masse threatened to cut all ties with this couple if they didn’t tell them their address.
On the other hand, according to many commenters, if your numerous annoying relatives threaten to never communicate with you, then, damn it, this could be considered an achievement, and the current situation needs to be consolidated. “No keys, no address, no access. Full stop,” one of the people in the comments urges the author. “Sounds like a win,” another person is pretty sure.
Commenters also write that the spouses, by and large, can be guilty of only two counts: lying and not setting their own personal boundaries. “Lying in the short term might make your lives easier, in the long term once a lie gets found out it only brings bigger problems,” someone summarized, and it’s damn true, isn’t it?
In any case, the relatives of the author of the post and her husband seem quite entitled here anyway, although their outrage over many years of lies is also a tad bit understandable. Be that as it may, relatives come in all sorts – and some are accustomed to literally imposing themselves in all of their loved ones’ events, important or not. In this case, personal boundaries really are a huge must. And what do you, our dear readers, think about all this?
At the same time, people in the comments were absolutely understanding, claiming that the spouses were wrong only in telling lies
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I used to live in the house next door to the house I grew up in. My mom had bought the second house years ago (when one could still do that, lol) and I ended up living there. My mom had knocked down the wall between the two houses, so you could literally see into each house from the other. My mom and sister would walk into the house any time they wanted, without knocking. I wasn’t allowed to lock the doors except for the front door. I never felt safe or private. I never felt like I could be intimate with my boyfriend, because my mom or sister might walk in. One of my dad’s caregivers used to sneak into the house at night and prowl around (when he was supposed to be on job watching my dad in the main house.) In the end, it was horrifying and stressful to live there. I’ve been out for two years and I actually feel like I can sleep at night now. Narcissistic family members are no joke. Even living rent-free in that house was not worth the insane stress.
That sucks and sounds like an awful way to live. That said, I feel like that's a different scenario to the original story though, since none of the relatives lived right on his doorstep.
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Well, let me clear this up for you. Your family members are entitled and entitled people should not be given the time of day. That's one. The second thing is, this house is meant to be your home and it's about to be invaded. What do you do when your home is about to be invaded? You defend your home. It doesn't matter that the invaders are family. It's your home and they have no right, legally, morally and ethically, to be there when you don't want them there. So, circle the wagons and make it clear that they will be trespassing if they go there without your consent. Sure, family members will turn against you, but are you sure you want to be in the good graces of people who don't respect you and your (future) family? Your future lies with your spouse and future children: that's your priority.
After I was stationed in Hawaii suddenly everyone wanted to visit.
Yes! We had the same issue. We tried to get people to come visit us for years. We even offered all expenses paid to try to get our parents to come visit. My mom wouldn't even come visit when I had my first baby. Then we got stationed in Las Vegas, and suddenly everyone wanted to come stay. The first few years we had people trying to visit all the time.
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Imagine if it were a car and "family" said "I'm going to put a bumper sticker on!" or "We're going to go drag racing on Sundays!" etc. Would that be acceptable? NO. The car doesn't belong to them, and neither does the house. Cut THEM off, you're NTA.
My "familys" cabin that my dad helped build was given by my grandparents to my two aunts. My cousins practically grew up there. Me? I've been there twice in 50 years.
Either you're very, very respectful or their hospitality is worse than the mosquito bites.
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I understand why they did what they did, but am a little pissed off that they don't have the backbone to just say NO.
The family’s reaction indicates how “just say NO” might have actually played out.
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One of my sisters told me "No staying at my place if I'm on vacation." No problem - she has anxiety. All I asked in exchange for respecting her boundaries: let me joke, "I don't want you to worry that I forgot to lock up and some vacuum cleaner sales reps and a dozen squirrels got in."
I think they should have set boundaries and then not tell them where the house is. That friend that posted the photo of the house was really stupid. I was able to find a relative's house just by seeing a photo of the front house so I would ask them to delete the photo and maybe smack em in the head for being so naive.
My parents had a place for them to use as a bolt hole whilst my Grandma required 24/7 support at home, when they needed a break it was ready to go at a moments notice. They didn’t allow anyone to use it apart from me and my brother. We’d take our families there and enjoy its location right next to the sea/beach. We always knew that it had to be looked after and left in exactly the same way we found it or a bit cleaner 😀 Plenty of other family members and friends asked and were politely declined, my folks knew that to allow it to be used once would open the floodgates and it wouldn’t be available when they needed it. No one got bent out of shape, no one was offended, my parents always explained that it was there for them to escape to and they always wanted to flexibility to go without having to check who might be there. If you are firm but polite then anyone who respects you will understand, if they don’t then they’ve no place asking for your indulgence.
Narcisicists and selfish entitled people do not understand the word "No" and will faster call you "greedy" and "heartless" instead of respecting your boundaries.
Load More Replies...
I feel like we need more context about the family. They are understandably annoyed at the end but in the beginning they could've just been messing around. However if they were complete a******s anyway then I would understand you believing what they said and not trying to set boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries with love will help. Keep it simple for yourselves first.
Why didn't you keep fudging reality and told them the house was a rental? Or even a limited time-share. I sometimes go to a house my ex-boss owns near a lake. It's not my house but I can bring friends there. It doesn't mean my mother can plant a garden or that everyone in my family is allowed to come and go as they please.
My grandparents had a flat by the coast and as I got older I did kind of hope I might get to stay there with friends, later my family. But they decided not to let anyone 'borrow' it and I accepted this was totally fair - between my grandfather and step-grandmother's family that would mean a lot of demand on it and they'd never get to use it themselves.
I wonder why the mother seems so entitled. Has she given money to the couple in the past? I feel like we are only getting half a story here.
There are wome people like that. The7 contribute nothing but feel entitled to what you have because if "family" or they hold the title of being your parent. 🙄
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For god's sake, you're adults - just say no and hang up. Bloody hell, what's wrong with you?
No, time to set some boundaries and prepare to enforce them. 1) Have a clear conversations with family members setting clear boundaries. 2) Follow-up those conversations with a written version (ex. email, certified mail, ect.) that begins with "As per our previous conversation". 3) Talk with the local police department about the situation (present it as asking for advice, but ultimately you want to make them aware of the situation beforehand). 4) Get a security system, with security cameras. 5) Prepare to follow through on any promises. For example, if you told them no trespassing and they trespass, call the police and have them legally trespassed from your property. If they just run away and move, the problem will never go away and they will constantly be moving. This exact situation will happen over and over again, endlessly. They will never feel safe in their own home. And that's no way to live.
Load More Replies... I used to live in the house next door to the house I grew up in. My mom had bought the second house years ago (when one could still do that, lol) and I ended up living there. My mom had knocked down the wall between the two houses, so you could literally see into each house from the other. My mom and sister would walk into the house any time they wanted, without knocking. I wasn’t allowed to lock the doors except for the front door. I never felt safe or private. I never felt like I could be intimate with my boyfriend, because my mom or sister might walk in. One of my dad’s caregivers used to sneak into the house at night and prowl around (when he was supposed to be on job watching my dad in the main house.) In the end, it was horrifying and stressful to live there. I’ve been out for two years and I actually feel like I can sleep at night now. Narcissistic family members are no joke. Even living rent-free in that house was not worth the insane stress.
That sucks and sounds like an awful way to live. That said, I feel like that's a different scenario to the original story though, since none of the relatives lived right on his doorstep.
Load More Replies... Well, let me clear this up for you. Your family members are entitled and entitled people should not be given the time of day. That's one. The second thing is, this house is meant to be your home and it's about to be invaded. What do you do when your home is about to be invaded? You defend your home. It doesn't matter that the invaders are family. It's your home and they have no right, legally, morally and ethically, to be there when you don't want them there. So, circle the wagons and make it clear that they will be trespassing if they go there without your consent. Sure, family members will turn against you, but are you sure you want to be in the good graces of people who don't respect you and your (future) family? Your future lies with your spouse and future children: that's your priority.
After I was stationed in Hawaii suddenly everyone wanted to visit.
Yes! We had the same issue. We tried to get people to come visit us for years. We even offered all expenses paid to try to get our parents to come visit. My mom wouldn't even come visit when I had my first baby. Then we got stationed in Las Vegas, and suddenly everyone wanted to come stay. The first few years we had people trying to visit all the time.
Load More Replies... Imagine if it were a car and "family" said "I'm going to put a bumper sticker on!" or "We're going to go drag racing on Sundays!" etc. Would that be acceptable? NO. The car doesn't belong to them, and neither does the house. Cut THEM off, you're NTA.
My "familys" cabin that my dad helped build was given by my grandparents to my two aunts. My cousins practically grew up there. Me? I've been there twice in 50 years.
Either you're very, very respectful or their hospitality is worse than the mosquito bites.
Load More Replies... I understand why they did what they did, but am a little pissed off that they don't have the backbone to just say NO.
The family’s reaction indicates how “just say NO” might have actually played out.
Load More Replies... One of my sisters told me "No staying at my place if I'm on vacation." No problem - she has anxiety. All I asked in exchange for respecting her boundaries: let me joke, "I don't want you to worry that I forgot to lock up and some vacuum cleaner sales reps and a dozen squirrels got in."
I think they should have set boundaries and then not tell them where the house is. That friend that posted the photo of the house was really stupid. I was able to find a relative's house just by seeing a photo of the front house so I would ask them to delete the photo and maybe smack em in the head for being so naive.
My parents had a place for them to use as a bolt hole whilst my Grandma required 24/7 support at home, when they needed a break it was ready to go at a moments notice. They didn’t allow anyone to use it apart from me and my brother. We’d take our families there and enjoy its location right next to the sea/beach. We always knew that it had to be looked after and left in exactly the same way we found it or a bit cleaner 😀 Plenty of other family members and friends asked and were politely declined, my folks knew that to allow it to be used once would open the floodgates and it wouldn’t be available when they needed it. No one got bent out of shape, no one was offended, my parents always explained that it was there for them to escape to and they always wanted to flexibility to go without having to check who might be there. If you are firm but polite then anyone who respects you will understand, if they don’t then they’ve no place asking for your indulgence.
Narcisicists and selfish entitled people do not understand the word "No" and will faster call you "greedy" and "heartless" instead of respecting your boundaries.
Load More Replies... I feel like we need more context about the family. They are understandably annoyed at the end but in the beginning they could've just been messing around. However if they were complete a******s anyway then I would understand you believing what they said and not trying to set boundaries.
Setting healthy boundaries with love will help. Keep it simple for yourselves first.
Why didn't you keep fudging reality and told them the house was a rental? Or even a limited time-share. I sometimes go to a house my ex-boss owns near a lake. It's not my house but I can bring friends there. It doesn't mean my mother can plant a garden or that everyone in my family is allowed to come and go as they please.
My grandparents had a flat by the coast and as I got older I did kind of hope I might get to stay there with friends, later my family. But they decided not to let anyone 'borrow' it and I accepted this was totally fair - between my grandfather and step-grandmother's family that would mean a lot of demand on it and they'd never get to use it themselves.
I wonder why the mother seems so entitled. Has she given money to the couple in the past? I feel like we are only getting half a story here.
There are wome people like that. The7 contribute nothing but feel entitled to what you have because if "family" or they hold the title of being your parent. 🙄
Load More Replies... For god's sake, you're adults - just say no and hang up. Bloody hell, what's wrong with you?
No, time to set some boundaries and prepare to enforce them. 1) Have a clear conversations with family members setting clear boundaries. 2) Follow-up those conversations with a written version (ex. email, certified mail, ect.) that begins with "As per our previous conversation". 3) Talk with the local police department about the situation (present it as asking for advice, but ultimately you want to make them aware of the situation beforehand). 4) Get a security system, with security cameras. 5) Prepare to follow through on any promises. For example, if you told them no trespassing and they trespass, call the police and have them legally trespassed from your property. If they just run away and move, the problem will never go away and they will constantly be moving. This exact situation will happen over and over again, endlessly. They will never feel safe in their own home. And that's no way to live.
Load More Replies...
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