Teen Doesn’t Listen When His Teacher Asks Him To Make A Biological Family Tree When He’s Adopted And Gets The Lowest Grade
Interview
Teachers definitely know a lot and can broaden their students’ knowledge, and that is why they may get really angry when their authority is challenged and their requests are questioned. It is impossible to know everything and they don’t know everything and can make mistakes. On top of that, even though they might be great specialists, they might not be the most pleasant and understanding human beings.
This mom was quite irritated with an assignment a teacher gave her son and her reaction when he refused to do it as he was told. She lashed out at the teacher, but started to doubt whether she should have used the language she did despite her intentions being to defend her son.
More info: Reddit
Mom kind of regrets lashing out at her son’s teacher, but at the same time she was defending him as the teacher was out of line
Image source: osseous (not the actual photo)
The Original Poster (OP) has three children with her husband. One of them is their biological child and two others are siblings but adopted. One of the adopted sons is 17 years old and it is clear his parents are not his biological ones from his looks, as he has blonde hair and very white skin, while his mom has dark skin and his dad has dark hair.
This didn’t go unnoticed by his history teacher, who got to meet his parents at his house. During a lesson, the teacher asked the class to draw their family tree, but asked the OP’s specifically to draw his biological family.
The teen didn’t want to do that and drew the people he acknowledged as his parents and siblings he considered to be his family. The teacher gave him the lowest grade for the assignment and contacted his parents.
The mom insulted the teacher a couple of times for making her son follow different rules than what she had assigned for everyone else and added that the assignment wouldn’t be complete if the teen would have done as the teacher asked because his biological mom is dead, his dad is in prison and there are no other biological family members he keeps in contact with.
The OP has an adoptive son that differs very much in looks and it seems that his history teacher noticed it
Image credits: This-Quantity-186
When Bored Panda reached out to Reddit user This-Quantity-186, she told us that the teacher didn’t respond to the messages and she saw the teacher only “at the meeting [she] had with the principal and that was to apologize, [they] haven’t spoken since then.”
According to Tutors For Less, singling out students should be avoided because it affects them emotionally as “Not only are you making the student feel uncomfortable, you are potentially initiating schoolyard bullying because you made the student feel that he/she does not belong and you are highlighting a weakness in front of their peers.”
Apparently, the teacher may feel that having adoptive parents is shameful, or maybe she sees not having white parents while being white as shameful, as the mom mentioned in the replies to comments that she heard rumors of the teacher being racist.
The OP’s husband was also very upset about the situation, but he “did his best to stay calm and rational and supported [their] son in his decision to not complete the assignment how [the teacher] wanted.”
She asked the class to draw their family trees but asked only the OP’s son to include his biological parents only
Image credits: This-Quantity-186
It is inevitable that parents will have to deal with unreasonable teachers in the decade or even more that the child is going to school. Very Well Family suggests that when your child is dealing with an irrational teacher, the most important thing is to support your child and listen to what the exact problem they are having with the teacher is.
Then they should talk with a teacher, but they stress that it should be done calmly and without an accusatory tone, trying to find out how the teacher sees the situation. If there is no consensus with the teacher, a parent has the option of going to administration or the principal.
The student didn’t do that and included the people who he considered his real family in the genealogical tree
Image credits: This-Quantity-186
The OP didn’t really want to escalate things and involve school staff at first because she didn’t want the teacher getting in trouble, even though her husband believed it was a serious enough problem to report. People in the comments were also suggesting the teacher’s behavior should be known to the principal and the staff. The mom suspects that now many of them should know what happened because they did talked to the school about it.
If nothing helps and the school is big enough to change teachers, this could be one of the indirect solutions to the problem. The mom shared in the comments that this is what they did because the teacher brought up some trauma that her son was working through with his therapist and now this event has sent him back in his progress.
The teacher gave the lowest grade and contacted the parents about their son not listening to her, to which the mom responded with a couple of swears
Image credits: This-Quantity-186
The mother is now worried that the teacher may think worse of her son because of her behavior and wanted to hear what the internet had to say
Image source: Scott Woods-Fehr (not the actual photo)
The mom regrets talking the way she did: “I feel like I might be the a**hole because I could’ve conducted myself more gracefully and been kinder. It was rude to call her names and I regret not being more polite as she could use this to think more negatively of my son in the future.”
People in the comments agreed that she could have chosen different words to make her point clear as the language she used might make other people at school not take her seriously. But they also understood the mother and considered the teacher the bigger jerk in the situation.
Let us know what your thoughts are and if you think that it is acceptable to swear at a teacher that is clearly making your child uncomfortable and being inconsiderate. Have you ever needed to deal with a teacher like this? How did you resolve the problem and what advice would you give to other parents?
Many people believed OP could have avoided the insults as they don’t add to a productive discussion, but agreed that she was mad for a good reason
The language mom used was inappropriate. Acknowledge that and that it came from a place of frustration while defending your family. Then calmly, rationally, politely light that b***h up. CC the principal, superintendent, school board, and anyone else you can think of. Always admit your mistakes, it throws off your enemies.
I don't know why you were downvoted, so I added an upvote. Everytime I am attacked, I do my best to stay polite because it's the best way to win an argument. People are screaming at me? I smile and talk quietly. If I lost my nerves and insulted somebody, I would acknowledge that it wasn't an appropriate reaction. It sets the stage for a real discussion/argument. If you scream/ call names, you've already lost. Also I think the teacher is a racist b*tch and should be reported.
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Dumb b***h, I was part of the foster system for seven years and the family that adopts you is your true family because they chose yo. know if it was your foster family they’re probably using you to get money, but family does not mean blood it means love. You do not get to pick your siblings or your parents but you can pick your family
I've come to the resolution recently to try to avoid giving explanation to dumb people. It's not good for my heart and I would get on the "b****h" part pretty fast. So, I try to deal with a 3rd part. In kindergarden my son's teacher made a couple of comments about him needing an hair cut ( he keeps his hair long). It was totally sexist ( I checked with parents of girls with untied long hair ) and a power move (she's the type "look at me when I talk to you, don't you dare holding my gaze when I scream"). I tried to politely refused, pointing the sexist part but she was pissed and kept nagging my son about that. Before turning into a She Hulk and crushing her head for harassing my 5yo, I went to the headmaster and wrote to the Rectorat. So yeah, I went straight to her "managers" in a calm, respectful and factual kind of way. And I had to do that a couple of times again with her... But the problems were solved and I kept myself to call her a b****h 😋
The language mom used was inappropriate. Acknowledge that and that it came from a place of frustration while defending your family. Then calmly, rationally, politely light that b***h up. CC the principal, superintendent, school board, and anyone else you can think of. Always admit your mistakes, it throws off your enemies.
I don't know why you were downvoted, so I added an upvote. Everytime I am attacked, I do my best to stay polite because it's the best way to win an argument. People are screaming at me? I smile and talk quietly. If I lost my nerves and insulted somebody, I would acknowledge that it wasn't an appropriate reaction. It sets the stage for a real discussion/argument. If you scream/ call names, you've already lost. Also I think the teacher is a racist b*tch and should be reported.
Load More Replies... Dumb b***h, I was part of the foster system for seven years and the family that adopts you is your true family because they chose yo. know if it was your foster family they’re probably using you to get money, but family does not mean blood it means love. You do not get to pick your siblings or your parents but you can pick your family
I've come to the resolution recently to try to avoid giving explanation to dumb people. It's not good for my heart and I would get on the "b****h" part pretty fast. So, I try to deal with a 3rd part. In kindergarden my son's teacher made a couple of comments about him needing an hair cut ( he keeps his hair long). It was totally sexist ( I checked with parents of girls with untied long hair ) and a power move (she's the type "look at me when I talk to you, don't you dare holding my gaze when I scream"). I tried to politely refused, pointing the sexist part but she was pissed and kept nagging my son about that. Before turning into a She Hulk and crushing her head for harassing my 5yo, I went to the headmaster and wrote to the Rectorat. So yeah, I went straight to her "managers" in a calm, respectful and factual kind of way. And I had to do that a couple of times again with her... But the problems were solved and I kept myself to call her a b****h 😋
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