35 Times Toddlers Took Embarrassing Parents Or Nearby Adults To The Next Level, As Shared By Folks Online
Most adults will, sooner or later, run into a situation where they’ll say something embarrassing, whether it be an inappropriate joke or something that’s plain old stupid, or anything in between.
So, what chance does a toddler have at controlling their tongue, let alone their impulsive thoughts? Well, parents online have been sharing some of the most embarrassing experiences they’ve ever had with their toddlers in a viral Reddit post. It managed to draw in over 45,500 upvotes and nearly 14,000 comments.
Bored Panda invites you to scroll down to see the best responses from the thread, and why not vote and comment on the ones you enjoyed the most? Oh, and don’t forget to share your kid stories if you’re a parent yourself, or have heard parent friends tell their tales of embarrassment.
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Disclaimer: this was not my toddler, but a toddler said this to me while I was waiting in the grocery line: “I have a vagina and new party shoes!”
Really, what else do you need?
Oh yeah...My my wife and son in the checkout at the grocery.Son says in the cheeriest of voices "My daddy farted last night and he does it all the time!"
When my son was 4, and just discovery himself. I told him it’s best to go somewhere private when these issues “popped up”. After several trips to and from the bathroom he announces to the entire family.. “I don’t understand.. it goes up…it goes down…. what should I do….
Thank goodness, actually using the correct terminology instead of the awful ridiculous ones out there
Can't stop laughing! Having been an elementary school teacher, I have heard so many "revelations," about the child and the child's family. Some, like this one, are hysterical. They show the simplicity of a child's thought process. If only . . .
During a private Remembrance Day (Armistice Day) ceremony with veterans, my 3-year-old soiled her diaper. I changed her in a back room and when we came out, it was the moment of silence. She slammed the door and yelled to all the vets, “I just had a BIG poo! And it had PEANUTS in it!”
Because this is good when it brakes the silence... the details... 🤣🤣🤣
Load More Replies...Time to potty train! If they’re describing fecal matter, they’re old enough to understand how a toilet works
Agreed. If children aren't trained by 3, it's because the parents are just too lazy to do it.
Load More Replies...Honestly, even if they didn't laugh out loud, some of them must have been dying inside.
And I bet every one of those Vets smiled. All in all, the kids are why they served. ☺
Is it possible not to try to like melt into the floor so no one can see you? We have a saying in my language and it says something like you want to sink under the ground because of shame. 😂
At the grocery store, my daughter, who was 2 at the time, and I were about to pass an African American lady in an aisle. At this point, she had never seen anyone with a darker skin color such as hers. She’s about 2 feet from us. So, she sees her, turns to me and *yells* (while pointing), “look Mom!!! It’s a chocolate lady!!!”. I froze for a sec, said “yes honey, isn’t she beautiful?”. She yells yes, and I practically ran away down the aisle. That poor lady was such a good sport.
BONUS. We met a man with a hook for a hand and she sprinted up to him to ask him if he was Captain Hook. *facepalm*
Luckily, he said yes and pretended to run after her.
When she was a toddler, apparently my older sister saw a Black woman for the first time, in a grocery store checkout line. The woman leaned in and was fawning over her, when my sister drew her finger across the woman’s face and then tasted it. Apparently, she’d expected her to be chocolate flavored. My mother died, but the woman thought it was absolutely hilarious. I wonder if, to this day, she still tells people that story. Just typing it now makes me so uncomfy!
It shouldn't make you uncomfortable. I mean, a child can not know that people come in different colours if that's not in their experience. If they grow up only among one color, they'll of course be surprised the first time they see another. If they see a different skin-tone later in their life, they often have learned through tv or by stories being told and aren't usually surprised (beyond maybe fascinated staring). Kids are just kids and most people understand that, I think. Imagine a girl growing up in an area where every woman was covered up completely if outside of the house. The girl would have her eyes falling out when she comes to a country where women run around as they please.
Load More Replies...These stories are harmless, but speak to the importance of having a whole range of picture books, and watching a variety of TV shows, so that even at 2, a child is well aware of the different range of skin colors in the human race.
Pictures and TV is good but in my country it is still a rare occasion to see a darker skin outside our capitol. So rare that it made our country (and some others too) famous for how our girls will do anything for just to be with anyone exotic... I have no idea if that was true in past years but this urban legend lives on.
Load More Replies...i love how they were both such good sports because its good to understand that little kids are often curious and don't always understand the world so they say things like this.
Not you, Holly. But the person that replied to you is an idiot. How is being embarrassed by something racist?
Load More Replies...OMG my daughter did this in an army base. Her dad has just enlisted & we went to visit him. His black roommate congress to say hi to which our 3 y/o exclaims "MOMMY LOOK A CHOCOLATE DADDY!!" 😳
Similar story: returning from 3 years in very white Australia (1979), my almost 3 yo spotted a Black man in LAX. He pointed and said, all too clearly, "Look, mom! a very brown man!" He raised his fascinated eyes to his. The gentleman stared at my son while I explained that we were returning to the USA, and that he had never seen a person of darker color. After a minute, he squatted in front of my son, and rubbed his arm: "look, sonny, it doesn't rub off!" Chris was enraptured, and both of us adults were grinning ear to ear. It was a precious moment.
Honestly so cute how the hook guy went along with it and entertained the kid
I have been told that I too, also , loved chocolate people, and just recently discovered that I have a Capt. Hook in my family. I am continuing to search for Tinkerbell.
"chocolate people"....!? This is seriously racist, I recommend that you educate yourself.
Load More Replies...On day an Asian kid randomly asked me why I was black. I was in sixth grade, he was in first, and it was a predominantly white Catholic school so I kind of get it. I hope he hated me because I was black and not because of my personality.
Took my 3 year old to Disneyworld. Of course after about an hour in the park, both I and the offspring have to go to the bathroom. We head off to one of the main bathrooms right next to the castle. I let the boy go first (he performed a nice quick dump complete with the customary "Good Job" from me as we were still reinforcing the potty training mantras...) then I of course sit down and perform my own glorious #2 complete with a nice "squeaky door" fart which had the offspring in hysterics. At this point the child starts saying in a voice that can only be described as booming "GOOD JOB DADDY! YOU'RE THE BEST POOPER I KNOW!"
This of course led to chuckles from the long line of stalls populated by other fathers...The chuckles ended up turning into outright laughter...I was so proud of my pooping abilities.
Well, I'm somewhat shameless, so I clean up and go wash my hands to find that I'm now getting the nods of approval from everyone in the can who heard the interchange. I was the best pooper at disneyworld that day...and internally embarrassed and entertained at the same time.
When my kids were really little I made them go into the actual bathroom stall with me, so they wouldn't be left alone and running around the bathroom. Anyway, my 3-year-old son knew that men usually stand to pee and sit to poop. I quickly sat to pee and he announced to the entire, full bathroom "Ooh, mommy's pooping!" 🤣
I was in Costco and my son (who was about 5 at the time) ran up to me, grabbed my hand and started pulling me towards the next aisle. “Dad! Dad! Look! Real ninjas!” Whilst pointing at two women in full Burkas
Reminds me of when a lovely woman in a burka tried to talk to my toddler, which resulted in said toddler SHRIEKING at the poor woman. 🤦♀️
you would only really see rubbish ninjas proper ninja you would never see
Are you calling Naruto and the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles rubbish?!?!??
Load More Replies...LOL! When I was five I once saw a woman in a burka and thought she was God.
My son was 2 and thought every black man was his dad. He was away for the military a while so when we were at Boston Market he called another random stranger “daddy!!” And ran to him and hugged him. Hahaha the guy actually picked him up and said “I’m not you’re dad but hey buddy!”
I was mortified but couldn’t stop laughing.
I had something similar happen to me. I was walking through a parking lot when a random toddler called me daddy. I did say hi and his poor mother was mortified.
My youngest sibling is 10+ years my junior, so I grew up with him embarrassing me in public.
The worst was around Christmas one year when we went to Walmart after going to a church service. The service was about the virgin birth and how no other virgin had ever had a baby before. My brother was probably about 4-5 at the time, so while he didn't know exactly what made someone a virgin, that service taught him virgins couldn't have babies.
Anyway, we're in the check out line and behind us is a woman who is obviously pregnant. My brother points to her and says very loudly, "Look, that lady isn't a virgin"!
I'm really weird. I've always said that because I've never had kids, you can't prove I'm NOT a virgin. Some people have said, "but your married." I say that doesn't prove I'm not a virgin. Whenever I see a pregnant person I always think, they've had sex and you can't prove I have.
My brother was maybe 2/3 when he noticed my mom's friend's belly was a little bigger so he asked why. My mom explained that she had a baby growing in there. His eyes went big and he asked "Is the crib in there too?"
I think she knows. If I was the pregnant woman I would find it nothing but funny. I hope she felt the same way!
My mom told me the same thing: “Virgins are people who can’t have babies” and one time, I think in grade 6, a kid asked me if I was a virgin. I answered “Maybe, maybe not” 🤦🏻♀️
funy. my kids said a buncha' stuff i wish they had not. actually, i'm glad they did. it was very funy.
Not me but my midwife.
Pregnant with second child, three year old daughter asks why mummy’s belly is so big. She’s told there’s a baby in there.
She turns to daddy and asks “do you have a baby in there too?” Dad replies gently “No, I’m just fat!”
A few days later in the checkout line and there’s a very large lady behind them in the line.
The little girl asks the lady “Do you have a baby in your tummy like my mummy?”
The lady is kind and just says no she doesn’t, to which the girl responds “oh just fat then?”
At my job accompanying a client to another area, her son 3/4 maybe looks at me and announces 'you're fat'. My client looks mortified but I simply respond 'yes, I am', presuming it an easy out and mom can have her chat with him afterwards. The boy continues 'my uncle's fat, too. He's really nice. You're nice, too'. I'm going to take that as a win.
is! Was in the shopping cart in the grocery store with my mom. I pointed at a woman and screamed "Look at that huge fat lady!"...and then immediately threw a jar of pickles on the floor...sorry Mom😁
At least that child was 3. I had a 15-year-old ask me if I was pregnant or just fat.
Fat is just a physical descriptor. It doesn't mean I'm lazy or stupid or ugly. I'm just fat. /shrug
Mixing the subject and object in a sentence sometimes creates humour, but usually it is just confusing
So my younger brother was 5/6 years old. My dad was coaching my basketball team (was in 7th grade) and my brother came along to hang out at the practice. Now my brother has Asperger's so of course at that age social awareness is non-existent. There are a few black kids on the team and my brother was learning about Martin Luther King Jr. as it was around the time of the holiday. So his brain is processing.
During the practice my brother is standing under the basket as we're doing lay up lines. All of a sudden as one of the black kids goes past him my brother goes, "Are you an African-American?" and my friend chuckles and goes "Uh, yeah" and my brother with a completely dead serious face and tone just goes
"I knew it."
Whole team was rolling on the floor laughing.
Yeah, that could have taken a not so great turn otherwise
Load More Replies...As a Black person if a kid said this to me I literally love that kid for the rest of my life
Not really embarrassing but my son once announced to daycare that I had died. It was a severe shock to them when I picked him up.
Now my niece once announced at a family dinner that she wanted a f**k, loudly. We all turned and looked at this little 3 year old and her mother said she'd work on speech therapy with her as she handed her daughter a FORK.
A friend had a 3 year old when the the Toy Story film with Forky came out. Forky became the child's favourite character. Cue lots of excited shouting whenever he saw Forky in advertisements around town and in public places. He would loudly shout "Me want F*cky!".
"My brother sure likes peanuts." My sister, unfortunately, had a hard time pronouncing "peanuts."
Omg, I teach ESL and the kids were learning "I like..." and a little boy really like peanuts 🤣🤣 I had to have him repeat it so many times to figure it out 🤣🤣😭🤣🤣
Load More Replies...My niece, when she was a toddler, used to pronounce “fish” as “sh*ts”. She had a bowl of goldfish she showed everyone every time we visited, which led to endless amounts of fish and giggles.
"Aunt Eunice, look at my shits! They're so happy to see you."
Load More Replies...When I was probably 4 years old, my parents had a very rare night out together, and I was being babysat by an older, very sweet and pious couple. Well, apparently my wild-child ways eventually exasperated them and they jokingly said to me "well, aren't you a little pain in the neck". I replied "no I'm not, I'm a pain in the a*s". Well, it was true, after all.
My brother has two kids, and one day he was called to the day care for a serious conversation. Their oldest had told, that at home her sister was in a cage! Cradle, the baby slept in a cradle.
When I was a kid, I used to call trucks..f*@ks. When I would see one, I would scream look at that big f*@k! I love f*@ks!
That’s what my brother used to do. He couldn’t pronounce tr so he said f instead lol
Load More Replies...My dad asked for a fork at a chinese restaurant.... She said what sounded like "You want f**k" to which he said "No" and I died a little
Very young niece once insisted for about 10 minutes (while we laughed confusedly at each other and also took a short video) that she wanted a beer. Finally came out that she wanted a specific spoon, the "bear" spoon which wasn't even a bear (I don't remember what it was, something that looked kind of like a bear).
There is a man who lives in our village with no arms, Mr M. His children attended my sons nursery so he has met him many times.
We were in a packed doctors waiting room one day and Mr M came in.
Son, at full volume: Look mummy! There's Mr M that I told you about. He has no arms! Look! LOOOOK! [Pointing]
At this point the whole waiting room, in true British style, have turned their heads in the opposite direction to Mr M, and are actively trying NOT to look while similarly avoiding eye-contact with me, and the 'disrespectful small child' who draws attention to peoples disabilities.
Me: Ah yes, that is Mr M. We see him at school don't we.
Son: Yeah, he came in to talk to us one day, [oh gosh what is coming next....] he drives his car with his feet! [Please don't say more...] He is TOTALLY AWESOME!
[massive sigh of relief!] Yeah dude, he really is!
What happens when a child points out that ‘other’ abled is nothing to be ashamed of and has super awesome qualities. On average, people have fewer than four limbs. We’re all great!
On average people have slightly fewer than 1 testicle
Load More Replies...Unlike my little brother. Our next door neighbor's father knocked at the door asking if my brother knew where his son was (they were both 4-5 years old). My father called my lil brother from the dinner table and asked him if he had been playing with him and knew where he was, to which little bro reply "No, I can't stand him!" and walked back to the table.
This could have been worse. Once my parents brought my older brother (then a toddler) to a restaurant. At another table was a man with no arms and no legs, who was being fed by his relatives. My brother yelled "can I give something to eat to the little monkey ?"
I had a schoolmate with no arms back in high school. I was forever amazed at how much he can do with his feet.
Most people with disabilities are super happy if you just address them normally and try not to act as if you can't see their disability. You don't need to point it out but if you are friendly and respectful it's much nicer than looking away...
OH the curious shock when an old other family grandpa to humor me took out his teeth, then he pulled off his leg.
The way you speak about people is RUDE and IN APPROPRIATE 🙄. What clients are these exactly, I'm really hoping you're not a therapist, in fact anything working with other ppl with your attitude is a worry.
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I was in target with my 4 year old boy twins. One has a nervous habit of grabbing his parts. I quietly said to him “let go, hands off dude” and he yells at the top of his lungs “BUT MAMA MY PENIS WONT GO DOWN!” I don’t think I’ve ever left target so fast.
Because some men unconsciously adjust their junk in public without even thinking about it 🤷♂️
Load More Replies...HAHAAAAAAHAAAAAAHAAAAA...That magical moment when dudes figure out that it has a mind of its own..
We were in a shop with our then-3 yr old son. My husband had a decorative belt buckle with a face. As his face was as high as the belt buckle, our son flung his arms around his dad and said "daddy I kiss your penis!" OMG I thought Child Protective Services was going to come to our house.
When my brother was about 3, he came running into the kitchen saying "mummy! My penis won't go down!" He was so distraught :-D
I remembered incorrectly; he said his w***y wouldn't. An amusing anecdote for my wedding speech when he gets married :-p
Load More Replies...That might be the first time BP has inserted a correct pic for that description.
Where did the guy in the picture get that awesome candy watch? I remember having those as a kid 30 years ago!
My daughter was with me in a crowded dressing room and complimented me on my nice nipples. I could hear laughter from the other stalls.
Dressing room? Like at a store or like a locker room at a gym? I WISH I had as much privacy as that picture when i go to change in a locker room
And how long did you wait to go out to avoid all the other people who heard this?
My 2 and half year old thinks mommies boobies are hilarious. Every time I wear a low cut shirt, or I'm changing around her she says mommy boobies, then laughs 😂
Me and my 3 y.o were at my moms house & to get her to leave I told her, cmon we have to go home and take a shower, to make her laugh I said we need a shower because our bums are stinky
Later when we got home in a full elevator, my daughter turns to me and says, " Mom you need to shower because your bum is stinky"
I was mortified.
3 year old is probably at just the right height to be an excellent, if unintentional, judge.
Load More Replies...I've learned to never say anything to a toddler you wouldn't want loudly announced in a public place. They love broadcasting new phrases they've learned.
My mom loves to tell this story.
We were at Catholic mass. I was 2-3 years old. They ring the altar bell in mass at some point. They ring it, the church is dead quiet, and I screamed "Telephone!!!"
At my brother's baptism, I was about 4, we were at church and I was sitting on my grandfather's lap (we call our grandfather Pépé. From somewhere a few rows behind us, we hear my cousin (3 years old) shouting "No! That's my Pépé!" because she didn't like anyone else sitting on his lap. My aunt had to drag her out of the church because she was having a meltdown.
Could've been worse. During the sermon, the priest was gesticulating whilst sermonizing. 2yo me stepped out into the aisle, starting waving one arm with my imaginary stein, and sang loudly, "In München steht ein Hofbräuhaus..."
Four year old son was misbehaving in a store, and I told him if he didn't control himself we were going to leave. He escalated, and I picked him up and carried him through the entire store. He was surprisingly putting up little fight. As we pass the checkout lanes he loudly says "Hey mister, put me down!" I didn't hesitate, didn't make eye contact with anyone, just turned beet red and kept marching out the door.
I'm hoping that the case is that it was a small store, and people had heard/seen the previous statement, and had seen them together as father/son already.
Load More Replies...My former collague put herself on the floor beside her daughter acting out in a store... She did exactully the same as her - kicking and screaming... After a very short while the daughter stopped. And they went on shopping. Never another tantrum. Years goes by. Little Sister is on her way to a tantrum while shopping... Mum looks at big Sister... big Sister looks at smaller Sister... and says. You don't wan't to go there... No tantrumsss 😄
This is such a good strategy. I tried it at home with my oldest once, it wasn't nearly as effective
Load More Replies...At some point during the first lockdown, my then-4yo daughter started calling me by my name instead of Mummy. (Maybe not enough people referring to me as her mother, whatever.) Now whenever someone asks if I'm her Mummy, she says no, I'm her Ivana. Which is a lot of fun when we travel and I'm claiming to be her mother and she insists I'm not. In addition to our passports, I carry her birth certificate in three languages and have photos of us together from birth to present, we have the same surname, still every time I wonder if that's the day I get arrested.
Mine was in Vegas, I [white girl] was carrying my black adopted daughter screaming for her black adopted mother in the casino. Not a single person turned to check it out. SMH
Mine pulled the same thing exiting a Target full of Christmas shoppers. I heard the collective shocked inhale of breath from the whole checkout section, stopped in my tracks and gave my child the MOMMY LOOK OF DEATH. She visibly and audibly gulped. I heard little twitters and giggles behind me as I left. This was over 25yrs ago.
My older cousin did a similar thing when he was 2 or 3. He ran from his dad in the store, when his dad caught him and picked him up he screamed "he's got me!" His dad looked at the strangers staring and said "I have pictures in my wallet"
Well... I think I'd have demanded to see what KIND of pictures ... (No, I wouldn't have. I'm not actually that quick when put to the plate)
Load More Replies...It’s scary that the child thought this was ok. What if it had been a real situation. The boy who cried wolf….
Carrying my daughter back from the bathroom through a crowded hipster brunch spot while she shouted 'HE FARTED!!' at every single table. In case there was any confusion she was also pointing at my face.
My 4 year old nephew did that to me in a restaurant one time. Our food was slow to come so I said I'd take him outside to run around while we waited. As we're passing through the lobby he loudly asks "Aunt Upstaged did you just fart?" I hadn't, so I still have no idea why he asked. Boys that age really love talking about butts and farting I guess. :P)
It’s not restricted to boys, little kids in general love bathroom humour.
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My wife had my 3 year old at the park one day. She decided to pick up some litter to make the park look nicer so she was throwing away pop bottles, chip bags etc and he wanted to help.
He stoops to pick up some cigarette butts and my wife says leave those to mommy (she wasn't going to pick them up but didn't want him to touch them either).
A few minutes later he has gone to play. He tells another mom, "I'm finding cigarettes for mommy".
My wife was so embarrassed and said she got the dirtiest looks from near by parents who heard this.
Embarrassed why? Just say "yeah we are actually cleaning, some people are fu*king filthy"
Yes to this! Cigarette-filters are the worst kind of personal waste people throw out into nature! Yes, I sometimes pick them up (and plastic-wrappers if they're not utterly disgusting) and throw them away. People are terrible sometimes!
Load More Replies...When my oldest son was really little he didn't realize when the waiter asked me if I wanted anything to drink he meant an alcoholic drink. I said no. My son yelled "My mom wants a drink. She drinks all the time." The whole restaurant looked right at us. What can you do at that point but laugh and shake your head?
I would say to my son, "Don't touch the cigarette butts, they're poisonous."
At a fairly nice restaurant my brother was teasing my daughter, and my daughter screamed at him to stop and threatened to call him the N word.
(The N word was nipple)
My two year old and I were waiting in line at Nordstrom. She was being so quiet and so patient so I decided to reward her by purchasing a Melissa and Doug stamp set. As soon as we got to the checkout, she randomly announced to the girl that was checking us out, “Mommy has a penis.” I just stood there for a moment, expressionless, wondering where in the f**k that came from before I finally said, “yeah...I don’t.” The lady just stared at me, forced a smile and replied “have a nice day.”
We’ve also been talking a lot about my pregnancy and wondering whether the baby is a boy or girl. Somehow that must have raised some questions in my daughter’s head because she announced to daycare that “daddy decided he wants to be a girl so he is going to become a girl.” Daycare never mentioned it until our daughter told us this at dinner one night and we about died. Asked the teacher if she had, in fact, stated that...her teacher said, “yes, she did. It seemed sensitive so obviously we didn’t want to mention it.” (My husband is NOT transitioning).
Ahh, kids. Love them.
My son at about two decided to announce at a family dinner party the complete list of everyone in the room who had a penis. The list included fifteen people of various genders. Apparently, my mother and I were the only two people in the room who did not have penises.
Seen it all ... I was taking care of my best friends son. While we were preparing dinner, he asked me if I would show him my vagina. He was about 4. I told him if he didn´t want to ask his mom to do that favour for him. He said in a very sophisticated tone: Oh, I´ve seen that before. I´ve seen all the vaginas and all the penises of everyone in the house ... well then :-)
that post about the girl telling her class they had a bunch of weed at parents house. they were weeds in the sidewalk.
My oldest son hopped into the car with the lady I shared carpooling duties with. (We lived by each other and had kids the same age. She would drop off and I'd pick up.) Upon entering her vehicle he announced "my mom has three holes." This was after I explained to him that women have a separate hole to pee out of that is not the vagina. (It's crazy how many adults don't know this) I'm a nurse and believe in being honest with kids and using proper terminology. I've never been shy about educating them but that time it definitely backfired.
Do you only know particularly stupid children? Making complete sentences at 2 is pretty normal. I started talking at 9 months.
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My best friend is gay. He and his partner have lovingly been called “the gays” at our house after a slip up when calling them “the guys” came out as “the gays”, which they thought was funny and began to call themselves that. It caught on after a while. Picking up dinner one night at the grocery store, my daughter asked if they were coming over to eat with us, as they do once or twice a week. My best friend tends to tease my daughter who, at 5, can be sensitive to it. I said no and she replied by loudly exclaiming for all to hear: “Thank God, because I hate the gays!”
Are you OK with your friend teasing your daughter when she so vocally dissaproves?
My oldest Daughter and I used to run away from my Wife when we went shopping. One time, we got particularly far away and I asked her what do you wanna do now that Mom can't stop us? She exclaimed loudly, near others, "We can punch a stranger!"
My husband has pretend I was a stranger taking off with my own kid in the shopping cart at a store and it mortified me but we always laugh about it.
OMG. Punching a stranger! For someone that size, I have some places that would work...
My child isn’t old enough to talk yet but when I was little and we were on holiday my dad used to get me to say I was younger than I was so we could get into theme parks cheaper. When we were on our way back, the gentleman at passport control asked me how old I was and I turned to my dad and said “how old am I today daddy?”
I used to hate that! I had just turned 13 and my mom and dad took us kids to the drive-in. As usual, the cashier asked how many tickets my dad wanted (kids 12 and younger got in for free). He said two. I was mortified! That moment is burned into my memory.
My mum took advantage of that at the drive in when she was younger- in fact one day she was on a date with my dad, and was about 17 or 18, and she got in free for being under 12! That is one time I would have felt weird about it, but I guess when you are trying to save money it is worth it.
Load More Replies...Similar: the bus to 'the city' used to be free for kids under a certain age, here. Once, I (kid who, to this day, looked 5 years younger than real age) was going by bus with my dad. As we got on the bus, I told the driver: "He says I gave to lie about my age, but I am really eight". I did (and do) not like to lie :D
A friend of mine owns a condo that has lake access but only for the owners. They can bring a certain number of friends. Our group had more children than adults so they decided to claim some children as theirs. As we are getting checked in they claim which children are theirs( they only have 2), their eldest loudly says, they are not my siblings. Needless to say, we were not allowed in. All of us were embarrased too but you could tell others in line were giving is the " we know how it is" look.
my dad took us to an airplane museum once and kids under 5 got in for free so my dad said dont tell them your 5 to my little brother who was 5 when we went in he proudly announced to the guy selling tickets guess what I'm 5
We did this with our kids at the buffet near us-kids paid according to their age. But we did have 4 kids, so all those years were expensive!
I remember those days. Even in my early 20s I think I got in some places at child's price. I have always been very conscious about not spending too much money (and I'm one of 5 kids) so I was always happy to play along. Especially for things like the all you can eat buffet, where there was no way I would eat a typical adult's serve of food anyway.
When I was little (under 5) my dad would jokingly ask if I wanted a cold beer. I would always respond with "no." Until one day when we were in the grocery store, he asked if I wanted anything, to which I replied: "a cold beer" while we were standing in line.
Don't quote me on this but I think that in Maryland you are allowed to have alcohol on privet property with the supervision of an adult.
My youngest son loves commercials. Any commercial. Doesn't matter what it is. He saw a Crown Royal Black commercial and had no idea what it was. He just knew it was a drink of some kind. A few days later we were at the store and I asked if he wanted anything and he says "some Crown Royal Black." Sounded really specific. Got some funny looks.
My 4 year old shouted in the middle of a shop to my hisband dont forget we need beer daddy
When he was being humped by a puppy, and me yelling at the puppy to stop.
"DON'T YELL AT HIM! HE LOVES ME!"
I guess he's not wrong...
He looks like my dog...maybe a Black and Tan coonhound? They are adorable puppies
Load More Replies...Yes, but among pack members, so he's still not wrong 😉
Load More Replies...Not sure there is always "love" involved, but definitely enjoyment LOL
My friend's kid once asked his mom's female friend where her boobs were (The friend had much smaller breasts than his mom). That was certainly awkward for everyone present.
At the doctors, my then 4 yr old son says to the nurse, “My mom has those too!” Meaning boobs.
I just picture Betty White in The Proposal helping Sandra Bullock with a dress...groping at her chest and saying "It's like an Easter Egg Hunt..."
As a former member of the Itty Bitty T!tty club, I find that hilarious!
My son came home from kindergarten with his backpack full of canned food. When pressed about the issue he confidently stated that he had told the teacher he was hungry and we didn't have any food at home! They had sent him home with the donations for those in need!! We got him to return the food the next day... Its a funny story we tell now but talk about embarrassed!!!
Lovely to see the kindness shown by the kindergarten and people that donated!
Soo you're saying if the mom couldn't afford to feed her kids, she deserves to have her child taken away? Correct me if I'm wrong.
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I was with a group of friends and was asked if I drink. I said I don't really, and my daughter said "but mom, you drink all the time." She had no idea the difference between drinking alcohol and drinking everything else.
I only realised that at age 10 and would get confused whenever there were those “don’t drink while driving” warnings, I assumed it meant no juice and water for the driver.
You must stop the car, take a swig of whiskey, then continue driving! (Repeat every mile) /s
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When my cousin was about 2 she still occasionally took baths with her mom, my aunt. One night we're at their house for dinner, out of nowhere, she blurts out at my uncle, "Daddy, you got hair on your peepee, too?!" And that was the first and only time in my life I nearly required the Heimlich maneuver.
Oh I could say something about this but my wife looks at this site and would most definitely kill me if I posted it...
For all the inquiring minds, my story is similar to Cheryl's. Our son was young and we were in the shower and he asked me where my dork was. So Chuck is off the hook. I told on myself.
I feel like this has gotta be most kids. What age do you teach them? Probably when they first ask something like this! For my parents it was bathing all three kids in the same tub until one day I asked how old I had to be to grow a penis like my brothers (although I'm not sure if I knew what to call it or not).
Load More Replies...Apparently when I was little I made a comment about my dad's parts... something about peeing out of his 'worm'. LOL He never walked around naked in front of me again.
Normal conversation about bodies seem to be shameful and funny in some countries.
It’s very taboo here where I live. In the US I hear that parents educate their kids on at least the names of certain body parts but where I live they want to delay everything sex and sexuality related by as much as possible
Load More Replies...Drying off after a shower with my 2yo son, he got up close and personal, nose first, into my lady bits and asked “Mum, where’s your p****r”. OMG, I died laughing!
My friends daughter (~2.5 y/o) saw another kid in the grocery store with a toy truck, and out of nowhere says “I want that f****n’ truck...” in an angry tone
Not the funniest thing to read, I know, but we’ve been saying that in a baby voice for the last few years and it always cracks us up.
My little sis (3-4) would yell "what the f*ck hell!?" It was hilarious!🤣🤣
My friends daughter won a purple horse from the carnival and we get home and shes in her room playing with it while me and my friend were right outside her door. She didn't know we were out there and very quietly she says to herself, "I told those bastards I wanted pink!"
The younger sister of a friend of mine was playing Tinkerbell in the Christmas school play - Peter Pan obvs. She was about 7 years old. Wendy asks her where Peter is? "I'm not telling you!" Wendy asks again. Tink says "I SAID I'M NOT FUC KING TELLING YOU! " A mixture of shocked gasps and hilarious laughter fills the room!
My oldest son went through a phase where he thought adding the word "head" to the end of anything was funny. Example, he sees a pumpkin at the store and he'd say "pumpkin head." There was a new kid at his preschool who had a very bad mouth and my son was picking up on it. (I heard his mom cussing at him when she picked him up, so I know where he's getting it) One day we were in the store and he looked right at me and said "you're a f*** head." I just about died of embarrassment but now it's funny.
My middle son has Asperger's and when he was little, he'd copy lines out of movies. Well, one night when he was 4 we were watching an adult comedy when he came down for a glass of water. The next week I got a call from his Kindergarten teacher. He'd been saying"I'm a lead farmer, mother f****r!" over and over (while playing with a toy tractor)
My oldest granddaughter stayed almost every weekend with me from the time she was 6 weeks to a little over 4 years. Family dinner one Sunday when she was maybe 2 1/5 and the table was completely full. I was in the kitchen when she dropped something. I hear this tiny little voice say, "Awwww sh*t". Every head at that table swiveled to look at me. Luckily we all have pretty warped senses of humor, but I learned to be a lot more careful around her.
My little brother would yell "I don't f**k!!!" Those were the days....
Was eating at a Chinese restaurant when the waiter and the cook were having a discussion in Chinese. 8 yr old daughter yells out “WHY THEY SPEAKING SPANISH?” Embarrassing to say the least. Went back a couple of months later and the waiter remembered us cause after taking our orders he says “ I’ll return andele’ “ Damn.
Why is that embarrasing? Like the poor kid is supoosed to know how every language sounds?. I was out with my niece once. We went to a chinese supermarket. The dudes at the cash register where speaking among themselves in their own language and their spanish was quite broken. My niece asks why they speak "funny", I simply asked what language it was (cantonese) and explained to her why they talked "different". She said it sounded awesome and we left the store. No embarrasment.
That's EXACTLY how you're supposed to do it!!!!! You're a good parent!
Load More Replies...I was about the same age. I'm from Texas but we were visiting Mom's family on PEI, Canada. One of our younger uncles took my sister, 4 cousins, and I out for the day. We stopped at this country store type place for lunch. The 6 of us kids were sitting on the porch, while uncle was flirting with the woman running the place. This car pulled into the oyster shell parking lot. A woman dressed like she was going to a business meeting got out. She picked her way over to us. Looked us up and down. Now my sister and 3 of the cousins were towheads with blue eyes. The other cousin is a redhead with hazel eyes. I have brown hair and brown eyes and I've been told I favor our Arcadian great-grandmother. So the woman walks up to me and starts speaking to me in a language I don't understand. Flustered and being a Texan I said no hablo español. The woman freaked out. The youngest 2 cousins were in French immersion and jumped up and started talking to her. All I understood was Houston, Texas
My two year old had a short-lived habit of saying "See ya, suckers" when we would leave a place.
I've had a few kids come through the preschool who liked to say that. I suspect The Simpson's were where it started.
Not my kid, but I took my nephew, now 11, to the mall once when he was about 3/4, and this girl started talking to us. She thought it was so cute that I brought my nephew to the mall and how I was such a good uncle, until...my nephew says, “ Uncle x, likes to beat me”. There was no coming back from that. I had never laid a hand on him, but damned if I wasn’t thinking about it then. All I can do now is laugh, and wait for revenge.
Haha! When I was in preschool I told the caretaker (who really liked me) that I would be sleeping in a cage that weekend. We were going to the beach and I had this portable bed thing with a mosquito screen over it.
“Are those your boobies Mom?”
Loudly. At a church Nativity play 🤦🏼♀️
For all asking, yes, he was right, the question was accompanied by a vigorous patting motion on my chest
After hearing the phrase in a movie, my little one yelled,"Put me down you idiot!" in church.
When my son was about 3, he started yelling "you moron!!" at other cars from his car seat. I spoke to my husband about watching his mouth while driving, he was quite adamant that he didn't swear when the kids were in the car. I had my doubts... until watching Cars, when Lightning McQueen rolls off the interstate, and I heard the rural semi tell him to "turn your lights on, you moron" with the same inflection as my toddler. Litt
Yeah, one time my mom was rough-housing with me, I wanted her to let me go so I called her a lard-butt because I heard it on TV. She let me go, though.
I don’t have a kid but my mother has never let me live this one down. The backstory for this story is that a few days before this situation my mom was showering with me and I asked her about “her pink.” And after some questions she realized I was talking about her vagina so she tells me “that’s my vagina, it’s supposed to be pink.” So now that you have the necessary background info, I can tell you our situation. My mom was in the checkout line at the grocery store, loading up the conveyor belt, and I turned to the cashier and dropped this little gem: “my mommy’s ‘gina is pink. Is your ‘gina pink too?” My mom said that both her and the cashier turned bright red and they finished the transaction in silence.
Vagina is on the inside. Vulva is on the outside. Reminds me a potty training book that said "boys have penises, girls have vaginas." False equivalency, girls don't pee out of their vagina.
Thank you for pointing that out ChickyChicky (I was coming here to do just that!) I would add that not only is the ‘boys have penises, girls have vaginas’ a false equivalency but it’s also a false binary that excludes not only intersex folks but trans and non binary folks as well.
Load More Replies...Little kids are not able to shower by themselves and if you only have a small shower and not a bath, showering with them is actually the only option.
Load More Replies...Not a parent but when my family and I were on vacation in Yellowstone/Custers Last Stand there was a Native American man dressed as a warrior doing a photo shoot. My little brother about 3 at the time yells out loud DAD THERES STILL ONE LEFT! The man was a good sport and started laughing. Even got a picture with him later in the day.
I'm just glad this kid got a chance to interact with the man afterwards and that a kid could make the guy laugh, he probably needed it that day.
Load More Replies...It might sound like "still one left, kill him" but I hear "Oh my gosh its a perfect rare specimen!"
At a restaurant. Wife was late-term preggers with second child. Had been telling the first (the toddler) that her mom's belly was big because she had a baby in there. Large woman walks by our table. Toddler's eyes get big; she shouts, "Look mom! That lady has a baby in her butt!"
After his little sister was born my toddler announce to the parking garage that she, "came out of mommy's magina!" So that was nice ...
After watching 101 Dalmatians the day before, I was grocery shopping with my daughter. We crossed paths with an old Lady in a somewhat dirty church suit and tons of makeup with sloppy red lipstick. My daughter points at her and says, "daddy, that's a bad lady". The lady did kind of look like Cruela DeVille...
My son and I were sitting in the car waiting for traffic to clear so I could exit the parking lot. He starts yelling "Mom, Bad Boy!" "MOM BAD BOY!" Then I see a police car drive by. We started singing "Bad boys, bad boys, watcha gonna do? Watcha gonna do when they come for you?"
Austin Texas Trail of Lights We come upon [this display of armadillos](https://i.imgur.com/UvuFp5Z.jpg). I ask my 5-year-old, "what are those?" Loudly, she replies, "Mexicans!" I wanted to crawl under a rock. It was either this or the time she proudly announced, "MY DADDY PEES STANDING UP AND FARTS!"
Why is it that farts stop being (socially) funny when you get older?
Load More Replies...In her defense the sombrero and chili ristra do give that (stereotypical) impression.
Um, possible unintended consequences of humanizing and diversifying cartoon animals? When I was little, I didn't think mice/rats were Mexican, but I did mistakenly believe they all came from Mexico. I still love Speedy the best 🤗
I told my autistic son (then 8 years old) that we may move to Texas. Very loudly he yells "You mean where all the cowpokes live?" Well...he's not totally wrong..."
I personally don't have any toddlers, but when I was 3 I introduced myself to strangers like so. "My name is Maybe_Black_Mesa, and I'm an alcoholic." Parents couldn't afford a sitter so I attended a few AA meetings.
While pointing to a random guys chest at a swimming pool, screaming Nipple! Niiiiiiiipple!
NIIIIIIIIPPPPPPPPPPLLLLLLLLLLLL how does your kid knwo the n word?
We live in the heart of the gaybourhood in my city, and Pride is literally on our doorstep every year. Now, my son was a little late to talk, only about 10 words by his 2nd birthday, but his vocabulary grew exponentially over rhe next year, and I delighted in teaching him new words... right up until Pride, when we walk out our front door and almost immediately he starts repeatedly exclaiming, "Whoa, big nipples!" with a look of wonder on his face (he meant breasts... took him a while to grasp the difference). I realized the anatomy lesson probably should have waited another month or so! Sadly, this did not result in a meet-cute story for me, queer single mom. But at least he wasn't pointing at me (I'm a g-cup, but was not topless), not did he feel the need to point out anything further south.
Not a parent, but when I was a toddler I was on a plane flying back from Spain. I cried the whole way because I couldn’t pop my ears. As we get off the plane, I suddenly brighten up, smile at the air hostess and say: ‘My daddy has a bald head and a big w***y!’ She uncomfortably laughed and my bald headed dad shooed me down the steps after saying ‘well she’s right about one of them’
My son has a knack for remembering songs after only hearing them once or twice. I didn't realize that he knew "Let's Get It On" until we were at the supermarket and he started singing along really loudly. Funny, but also mortifying.
My mom super concerned after hearing my son singing about cutting himself into pieces and angels dying while he was taking a shower when he was 3. Chop Suey was one of his favorite songs 😂😂
Had my toddler son walk into the bathroom at Target with me. He immediately said “oh man it stinks in here.” Followed by... “ I think the smell is coming from those shoes” as he bent over looking under the stalls..
Heh...Happened to me once,but I was the one in the stall. I t hit me and I had to poo desperately...find a bathroom,hit the stall and proceed to utterly destroy the atmosphere. It was ferocious. Enter guy and a kid...Kid: Dad it stinks in here...Dad: shhhhh... Kid: But Dad, it smells really BAD! Dad: SHHHHH...HUSH.. And I'm about to DIE from holding back the laughter.
My kids look under the stall a lot I tell them to aways stop. It is so embarrassing
Not mine, but my aunt was pregnant with her second kid when they were going to the grocery store. her son was probably 4 at the time and had recently found out that he was going to have a new brother/sister. So it was fresh in his mind. As they were walking into the store, a black family was walking out with their baby girl, and my cousin points at that baby and says "I don't want one like that, mommy." My aunt quickly says "He means he wants a brother." That cover probably didn't save her that much, but I probably wouldn't have been able to even come up with that in the moment.
Daughter was practicing ballet. Me and my 4 year old son were in the room behind the glass which is full of families watching and waiting. I was showing my son youtube videos to keep him calm. He says "Why are we watching naked spiderman videos"?
So this is something I said as a toddler, apparently. I was developmentally delayed, so had to go to a child therapist until I was 5. When I was about 4, we were in the waiting room with a bunch of other kids and teenagers and their parents. I was walking around, minding my own business. I was pretty nonverbal (part of the reason I was in therapy), so generally didn't talk. I suddenly stopped in front of this one teenager. I point to her face and scream "Face *ugly*!" My mom is mortified. Not only is it a terrible thing to say, I said it to a teenager who was already in therapy. She pulling me and chastising me "Dragonmeme, that is an *ugly* thing to say!" but the damage was done.
When my son was 4, and watched Space Jam, he thought every black man was Michael Jordan. When we would go somewhere, he would point at every black man he saw and yell "Michael Jordan!"
Umm..... Accidental racism here? The pic is the wrong Michael Jordan...... Do they all look alike?
Or perhaps the post author who added the picture is too young to know which Jordan they were referring to (or isn't from the US and doesn't know basketball or Space Jam).
Load More Replies...At one point (18 months?) my son called every guy daddy. The faces of our male friends every time some of them came over and the baby ran towards them yelling DADDY! 😅
I play Hitman 2 a lot, sometimes with my 3 year old daughter watching. We were at the grocery store recently and there was an older gentleman who looked like he had just come out of a church service, he was all dressed up and shiny bald to boot. My daughter yells out, "Look Dad! It's a Hitman!"
Last week, very quiet waiting room at urology full of middle aged to elderly men. My 4 y.o. in his very clear voice: "Mum, do they all have rotten weenies?"
Where in the world did he learn the term “rotten weenies?!” 😅
Load More Replies...When I was 3 my mum took me to a hearing clinic. The nurse kept wanting me to respond to her, but instead I ignored her and played with whatever toys they had. She wanted to note me down as being profoundly deaf, telling my mum the only reason I would respond to her was due to me reading her lips. . As we were leaving, me racing ahead, back towards my mum, she asks "want some ice cream on the way home?" and I happily shouted "Yes please!"
It's quite sad that a lot of normal healthy questions and observations by children are shut down as being 'embarrassing'. Maybe adults need to stop being so easily embarrassed?
This isn’t a toddler moment but I hope it counts because it’s certainly an embarrassment! I’m a puppy raiser for Guide Dogs in the Uk. As part of puppy’s socialisation we’re supposed to take them to lots of events and stuff. I took “tiny toothy terror” AKA Guide Dog Puppy, to a lecture about local history in the town hall. She was so well behaved that I don’t think more people knew she was there. That’s until the end. There was a round of applause for the speaker, my guide dog puppy got up and took a bow.
Just an edit. “Tiny toothy terror” did qualify as a Guide Dog and is now working wonderfully for her new owner. So far she’s completely stolen the show at every event
Load More Replies...Why oldest son who is now 16 couldn't pronounce popcorn as a wee guy, probably around 3, so when in the cinema he would loudly proclaim he wanted some "c**k porn" - was brilliant. I like to remind him of this every so often much to his dismay
Took my 3 year old to preschool and brought my 1 week old baby. It was the first time she’d seen her friends and she was telling everyone about her new sister. Then she announced to everyone, “And Mommy feeds her with these!” While patting my boobs. The other parents thought that was hilarious.
When I was pregnant with my 2nd child I used to wear my husbands boxers to sleep in because they were the only thing that fit! One day my 2 yr old daughter was watching my husband get dressed. When we arrived at nursery she announced to her teachers that Daddy was wearing mummy's knickers today!
I bought my son new sunglasses and my husband told him he looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger and got him to say "I'll be back" and "We've got to get to ze chopper" etc. in a deep voice. Clearly my son loved this but now shouts "We've got to get Suzy Chocolate!" Whenever he wears his sunglasses.
I'm not sure if it's just that I'm not easily embarrassed or other folk are sensitive, but majority of these I don't find embarrassing- kids are inquisitive and soak up information but it doesn't always mean they understand the context of some things. Sure, some if these are funny and I would've laughed at them, but I wouldn't have been embarrassed. Maybe after being a mum for almost 18yrs and having 4 of the wee terrors I'm just immune now
When my younger cousin was about 2, his mother was pregnant and I was about 14. He patted my DD cup breast one day and said "Is there a baby in there?" Lol, solid logic little man but no.
My brother and I are 12 years apart in age, and as a teen I was forced to babysit during all vacations. As a toddler my brother would follow me around calling me mom. He didn't learn my actual name until he was about 9. It was super embarrassing 😳 😕
When I was 3 my mum took me to a hearing clinic. The nurse kept wanting me to respond to her, but instead I ignored her and played with whatever toys they had. She wanted to note me down as being profoundly deaf, telling my mum the only reason I would respond to her was due to me reading her lips. . As we were leaving, me racing ahead, back towards my mum, she asks "want some ice cream on the way home?" and I happily shouted "Yes please!"
It's quite sad that a lot of normal healthy questions and observations by children are shut down as being 'embarrassing'. Maybe adults need to stop being so easily embarrassed?
This isn’t a toddler moment but I hope it counts because it’s certainly an embarrassment! I’m a puppy raiser for Guide Dogs in the Uk. As part of puppy’s socialisation we’re supposed to take them to lots of events and stuff. I took “tiny toothy terror” AKA Guide Dog Puppy, to a lecture about local history in the town hall. She was so well behaved that I don’t think more people knew she was there. That’s until the end. There was a round of applause for the speaker, my guide dog puppy got up and took a bow.
Just an edit. “Tiny toothy terror” did qualify as a Guide Dog and is now working wonderfully for her new owner. So far she’s completely stolen the show at every event
Load More Replies...Why oldest son who is now 16 couldn't pronounce popcorn as a wee guy, probably around 3, so when in the cinema he would loudly proclaim he wanted some "c**k porn" - was brilliant. I like to remind him of this every so often much to his dismay
Took my 3 year old to preschool and brought my 1 week old baby. It was the first time she’d seen her friends and she was telling everyone about her new sister. Then she announced to everyone, “And Mommy feeds her with these!” While patting my boobs. The other parents thought that was hilarious.
When I was pregnant with my 2nd child I used to wear my husbands boxers to sleep in because they were the only thing that fit! One day my 2 yr old daughter was watching my husband get dressed. When we arrived at nursery she announced to her teachers that Daddy was wearing mummy's knickers today!
I bought my son new sunglasses and my husband told him he looked like Arnold Schwarzenegger and got him to say "I'll be back" and "We've got to get to ze chopper" etc. in a deep voice. Clearly my son loved this but now shouts "We've got to get Suzy Chocolate!" Whenever he wears his sunglasses.
I'm not sure if it's just that I'm not easily embarrassed or other folk are sensitive, but majority of these I don't find embarrassing- kids are inquisitive and soak up information but it doesn't always mean they understand the context of some things. Sure, some if these are funny and I would've laughed at them, but I wouldn't have been embarrassed. Maybe after being a mum for almost 18yrs and having 4 of the wee terrors I'm just immune now
When my younger cousin was about 2, his mother was pregnant and I was about 14. He patted my DD cup breast one day and said "Is there a baby in there?" Lol, solid logic little man but no.
My brother and I are 12 years apart in age, and as a teen I was forced to babysit during all vacations. As a toddler my brother would follow me around calling me mom. He didn't learn my actual name until he was about 9. It was super embarrassing 😳 😕
