Man Is Tired Of Stepdaughter Making Fun Of Him, Refuses To Fund Her College Tuition In Return
Karma is a thing that probably many people around the world believe in, regardless of the religion they profess (or don’t believe at all). After all, it’s so convenient and pleasant to believe that even if we did not give a worthy rebuff to the offender, then they will later be rewarded by some almighty higher power.
And, of course, because there are actually a lot of similar stories. Although, in some situations, this is rather a violation of the “treat others the way you would like others to treat you” principle. Okay, let’s do it this way – you read this story from the user u/EnvironmentalPea5652, and then decide for yourself whether this is karma or just entitlement. Or maybe both…
More info: Reddit
The author of the post has been married to a woman with a teen daughter for the last 4 years
Image credits: Nicole Michalou (not the actual photo)
Alas, the teen has always treated the stepdad badly – for no fault of his
Image credits: u/EnvironmentalPea5652
She always tried to emphasize that he’s not her dad, and even played evil pranks on him
Image credits: Joshua Santos (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/EnvironmentalPea5652
The girl flip-flopped her attitude towards the stepdad later, as she wanted him to cover her college fees
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: u/EnvironmentalPea5652
However, the man stayed strong, claiming that he owes nothing to her now
So here we have the Original Poster (OP), a 48-year-old man who has been married to a woman with a teen daughter for the last 4 years. And, despite all the stepfather’s attempts to get on good terms with the stepdaughter, she never took him seriously at all. Although the author, in his own words, really tried to make friends with her.
It is likely that the girl missed her biological dad very much (he and her mother were divorced), so she was hostile to literally everything said or done by her stepfather. She tormented him with malicious and caustic comments and remarks, and every time she tried to emphasize that he was not her father.
Mom also tried to talk to her daughter, to improve relations between her and her new husband – but to no avail. It got to the point of outright rudeness – for example, when one day the OP came to pick up his stepdaughter from school, when asked by her friends who he was, the teen replied that he was just a servant, nothing more.
In general, it all ended with the man simply stopping reacting to attacks from his stepdaughter, trying to minimize communication with her. Moreover, the time was approaching when she would leave for college…
That’s it! I think you already get what the main plot twist of this narrative is! Yes, that’s right – one fine day the teen approached her stepdad and, as if nothing had happened between them, asked for help with paying her college fees, because her beloved bio dad had already refused to do this.
Well, the original poster refused as well, saying that it’s not his business now. Neither the girl’s numerous pleas, as she claimed that ‘he’s affecting her education,’ nor the admonitions of his wife helped. Yes, the OP’s spouse also said that she thinks her husband is doing something wrong. However, the author still remained relentless, although he decided to ask for advice online anyway.
Image credits: MART PRODUCTION (not the actual photo)
Well, paying for college fees is really a lot of money nowadays. So, according to this research by CollegeBoard, in the previous school year, the average annual cost of tuition and fees at a public four-year university was $10,940 for in-state undergraduates and $28,240 for out-of-state undergraduates. Adding in room and board, supplies and other expenses brought that total to $27,940 and $45,240 for in-state and out-of-state students, respectively, BankRate adds.
At the same time, the tuition at a private nonprofit four-year university was $39,400. With room and board, supplies and other expenses, that total rose to $57,570. In other words, the stepdaughter expected the original poster to really fork out a hefty amount – and given the way she had treated him in the last four years, he had to be the standard of philanthropy and humility to pay.
Our hero is obviously a mere mortal, with all the shortcomings inherent in us. Or the advantages – it actually depends from what angle you look at it. At least, we recently told another similar tale, and there the stepmom also refused to help a hostile teen with her college tuition. But there the woman had an inheritance from her late husband, and the stepdaughter didn’t play such harsh pranks on her, as this girl used to.
So people in the comments also unanimously supported the original poster, arguing that after such humiliation and insults that he had to endure in recent years, it would be damn ridiculous to expect him to pay for his offender’s education. “She chose how to treat you and this is a consequence,” one of the people wrote in the comments.
And indeed, according to some commenters, it’s one thing to make evil jokes about a stepdad, and quite another – to expect financial help from him. “Tell her you can’t afford it on your servant’s wages,” another commenter wrote wittily. Well, to paraphrase Morpheus from the Matrix movie, “Welcome to adult life!” So what do you, our dear readers, think here – how right or wrong was the stepdad in this particular situation?
People in the comments massively sided with the author, claiming that the teen should learn to deal with the consequences
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EXACTLY! I truly do NOT understand why people believe they should be rewarded for being rude, disrespectful, obnoxious, unkind to others!! I don't understand the people who do pander to such disgraceful behavior. His stepdaughter deserves nothing, what's next? Expecting OP to pay for her destination wedding in a few years time, and her real dad will escort her up the aisle?
Load More Replies... Surely it;s the mother's responsibility, or is she just a gold-digger as well?
It's her real fathers responsibility too. This poor man is being used by all 3 of them imo.
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The mother should have discussed this with her partner ( OP) her daughter and her daughter's father, and had this sorted long before now.
Please don't pay for this entitled child's education. She has a LOT of growing up to do.
Theres a lot of info missing here regarding the household finances. How is he paying the fees and not he and his wife? How has the conversation about paying for school not come up before?
That's not the point, the daughter is treating step dad like s**t and still expects him to pay for her college, hell no!!! She has publicly disrespected him, and treats him like garbage, he owes he nothing!!
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First my stake was marrying that woman……….. fellas, don’t be a dupe or a simp.
Well, well, well. If it isn't Hannah coming to learn that actions have REAL consequences. Looks like she will have to "serve" in the cold, cruel world in order to pay for her education. OP should stick to his guns as the "princess" is now and adult and will be forced to learn about consequences the hard way, and if the wife is still taking the daughter's side, she can and should fork out the expenses from her own pocket. Some people, SMH!!!
I'm surprised OP stayed married to his wife. She's no prize either. I'd dump both of them.
NTA!! It appears you're a walking bank to them, her biological parents should've discussed this well in advance since both are still alive. You don't owe her anything & be a complete fool to cave in to pay her college tuition. Let her be a servant at a local restaurant to cover the costs. 😁
Not his kid, not his problem. He sounds like he tried to be a good step dad, and idk why he only met this girl when he and his wife married. Where was the girl when they were dating? If they had a good relationship or even a mutually respectful one, Step Dad would be the AH, but if the kids c**p “real” dad is that much of a scumbag, sucks for her. Get a job little girl…
INFO: did you say that you would pay for her college? Was that a statement you retracted when you stopped speaking to her?
Her behavior is trash, and it is not a joke, she only says that because she got called out for it, she knows what she is doing. Stand your ground, and tell her to tell her real dad to pay for college, you owe her nothing, remind her servants don't pay for college.
I'm gonna be in the minority here, and that's okay. Please don't downvote me to oblivion if you disagree, we can all chat, it'll be fun. ESH. This is not a healthy stepdad. As a stepdad, you cannot take yourself too seriously. My stepkids are 13 and 16, I've been in their lives for over a decade now, I've adopted them and they've taken my last name. Still, I do not replace their bio dad. I'm lucky enough that he's not in the picture and I don't really have to co-parent. Regardless, the idea of "she's being mean to me" comes with the territory. I had to earn the trust and love of my kids, not demand it. The idea of "I've tried to scold her for stuff before" is cringe to me. You can't act like a parent to stepkids until they let you act like a parent. Mine have gotten to the point where they'll let me, but it took a very long time of me NOT scolding them and respecting their boundaries to get there. IDK if he should pay for college or not, but he should be a better stepdad regardless.
Ran out of room to say the mom is not off the hook here either. They needed to talk about this ahead of time as a couple and come to an agreement together. You can't be disagreeing on something this massive. As for the daughter, sure, she has been a jerk. But it doesn't sound like she's being given room to not want this man in her life. Being a stepdad is a spectrum, and it can go all the way from being dad in every way except blood to being a stranger that mom dates, and everything in between. The kids are who define that role for him, not the mom, not the stepdad, not the bio-dad, but the kids themselves dictate the role. The only way to influence them is to give them respect enough to let them make that decision. You can't force it. Even now, a decade in, I am Jon to my kids. My son has called me dad a bunch but Jon is just more familiar. My daughter has called me dad only a couple of times to my face, but introduces me as her stepdad and calls me Jon. It's okay.
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There is no way she can ever unring that bell. I hope OP stands his ground. This is a life lesson, let's hope she gets it.
Wtaf people? She's 18. I don't care if she's legally an adult, she's still a child. Probably dealing with a lot of trauma about her parents break up. If her dad is refusing to pay for the college maybe that means he's also not being the best dad to her and she lashing out because she is hurt. She is a KID. I would sit her down and explain how her words hurt and then tell her that if she wants help paying for anything, things have to change. And if any point she reverts, the help will stop. And then I would drag everyone into counseling immediately. What kind of grown-a*s man gets so butt hurt by a teenager that he would actually deny her a chance at a future??? All you people saying NTA are immature and petty.
The eternal paradox of the good man. Never good enough to father them but always good enough to shell out for them
Step kids commonly pull the 'not my real parent' stuff. But by age 18 they should have outgrown that.
Unfortunately, your income is counted when she goes to get grants or loans when she goes to get funding for college. So she is eligible for less because you married her mother. This whole thing is kind of horrible for her. I don’t understand why people get married to someone their child can’t stand.
This seems like something to be worked out between the couple - like other major financial decisions. It's hard to believe thentopic hasn't come up before, and if this is a change from what was agreed, I can't imagine the relationship survives. So yeah, he gets his own back on the daughter, but he can't think he's actually washing his hands of her when he's still married to her mom.
Why go to college or university? Why is that such an important thing in particular for some people?
You are statistically able to make more $ on average and less likely to be unemployed with a college education. Everyone please note my 'on average ' statement, there are exceptions in both directions but even in the U.S. where college is expensive, the return on investment is still worthwhile IF you complete a degree.
Load More Replies...
EXACTLY! I truly do NOT understand why people believe they should be rewarded for being rude, disrespectful, obnoxious, unkind to others!! I don't understand the people who do pander to such disgraceful behavior. His stepdaughter deserves nothing, what's next? Expecting OP to pay for her destination wedding in a few years time, and her real dad will escort her up the aisle?
Load More Replies... Surely it;s the mother's responsibility, or is she just a gold-digger as well?
It's her real fathers responsibility too. This poor man is being used by all 3 of them imo.
Load More Replies... The mother should have discussed this with her partner ( OP) her daughter and her daughter's father, and had this sorted long before now.
Please don't pay for this entitled child's education. She has a LOT of growing up to do.
Theres a lot of info missing here regarding the household finances. How is he paying the fees and not he and his wife? How has the conversation about paying for school not come up before?
That's not the point, the daughter is treating step dad like s**t and still expects him to pay for her college, hell no!!! She has publicly disrespected him, and treats him like garbage, he owes he nothing!!
Load More Replies... First my stake was marrying that woman……….. fellas, don’t be a dupe or a simp.
Well, well, well. If it isn't Hannah coming to learn that actions have REAL consequences. Looks like she will have to "serve" in the cold, cruel world in order to pay for her education. OP should stick to his guns as the "princess" is now and adult and will be forced to learn about consequences the hard way, and if the wife is still taking the daughter's side, she can and should fork out the expenses from her own pocket. Some people, SMH!!!
I'm surprised OP stayed married to his wife. She's no prize either. I'd dump both of them.
NTA!! It appears you're a walking bank to them, her biological parents should've discussed this well in advance since both are still alive. You don't owe her anything & be a complete fool to cave in to pay her college tuition. Let her be a servant at a local restaurant to cover the costs. 😁
Not his kid, not his problem. He sounds like he tried to be a good step dad, and idk why he only met this girl when he and his wife married. Where was the girl when they were dating? If they had a good relationship or even a mutually respectful one, Step Dad would be the AH, but if the kids c**p “real” dad is that much of a scumbag, sucks for her. Get a job little girl…
INFO: did you say that you would pay for her college? Was that a statement you retracted when you stopped speaking to her?
Her behavior is trash, and it is not a joke, she only says that because she got called out for it, she knows what she is doing. Stand your ground, and tell her to tell her real dad to pay for college, you owe her nothing, remind her servants don't pay for college.
I'm gonna be in the minority here, and that's okay. Please don't downvote me to oblivion if you disagree, we can all chat, it'll be fun. ESH. This is not a healthy stepdad. As a stepdad, you cannot take yourself too seriously. My stepkids are 13 and 16, I've been in their lives for over a decade now, I've adopted them and they've taken my last name. Still, I do not replace their bio dad. I'm lucky enough that he's not in the picture and I don't really have to co-parent. Regardless, the idea of "she's being mean to me" comes with the territory. I had to earn the trust and love of my kids, not demand it. The idea of "I've tried to scold her for stuff before" is cringe to me. You can't act like a parent to stepkids until they let you act like a parent. Mine have gotten to the point where they'll let me, but it took a very long time of me NOT scolding them and respecting their boundaries to get there. IDK if he should pay for college or not, but he should be a better stepdad regardless.
Ran out of room to say the mom is not off the hook here either. They needed to talk about this ahead of time as a couple and come to an agreement together. You can't be disagreeing on something this massive. As for the daughter, sure, she has been a jerk. But it doesn't sound like she's being given room to not want this man in her life. Being a stepdad is a spectrum, and it can go all the way from being dad in every way except blood to being a stranger that mom dates, and everything in between. The kids are who define that role for him, not the mom, not the stepdad, not the bio-dad, but the kids themselves dictate the role. The only way to influence them is to give them respect enough to let them make that decision. You can't force it. Even now, a decade in, I am Jon to my kids. My son has called me dad a bunch but Jon is just more familiar. My daughter has called me dad only a couple of times to my face, but introduces me as her stepdad and calls me Jon. It's okay.
Load More Replies... There is no way she can ever unring that bell. I hope OP stands his ground. This is a life lesson, let's hope she gets it.
Wtaf people? She's 18. I don't care if she's legally an adult, she's still a child. Probably dealing with a lot of trauma about her parents break up. If her dad is refusing to pay for the college maybe that means he's also not being the best dad to her and she lashing out because she is hurt. She is a KID. I would sit her down and explain how her words hurt and then tell her that if she wants help paying for anything, things have to change. And if any point she reverts, the help will stop. And then I would drag everyone into counseling immediately. What kind of grown-a*s man gets so butt hurt by a teenager that he would actually deny her a chance at a future??? All you people saying NTA are immature and petty.
The eternal paradox of the good man. Never good enough to father them but always good enough to shell out for them
Step kids commonly pull the 'not my real parent' stuff. But by age 18 they should have outgrown that.
Unfortunately, your income is counted when she goes to get grants or loans when she goes to get funding for college. So she is eligible for less because you married her mother. This whole thing is kind of horrible for her. I don’t understand why people get married to someone their child can’t stand.
This seems like something to be worked out between the couple - like other major financial decisions. It's hard to believe thentopic hasn't come up before, and if this is a change from what was agreed, I can't imagine the relationship survives. So yeah, he gets his own back on the daughter, but he can't think he's actually washing his hands of her when he's still married to her mom.
Why go to college or university? Why is that such an important thing in particular for some people?
You are statistically able to make more $ on average and less likely to be unemployed with a college education. Everyone please note my 'on average ' statement, there are exceptions in both directions but even in the U.S. where college is expensive, the return on investment is still worthwhile IF you complete a degree.
Load More Replies... 
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