Dad Doesn’t Want His 6-Year-Old Daughter To Go To Beauty Pageants, His Ex-Fiancée Disagrees
There she is, Miss America– Well, little Miss America. She’s still in diapers, but isn’t she gorgeous?
Did you know that children can start entering beauty pageants before they’re even a year old? I think most infants look pretty much the same, with their adorable chubby cheeks and wide-eyed expressions, but apparently they can be judged on their appearance, their outfits, their talent and… How long they can go without needing to be changed?
Child beauty pageants have been controversial for quite some time, with the TLC show Toddlers & Tiaras launching them into the mainstream media over the past decade or two. But how would you feel if your child was planning on entering one?
One father recently posted on the “Am I the [Jerk]?” subreddit asking for advice because his ex plans to enter their daughter in a beauty pageant, and he is not on board. Below, you’ll find the full story, as well as responses from invested readers, and you can decide for yourself whether or not you’d allow your child to get all glammed up for a pageant. Then, if you’re interested in reading another Bored Panda article discussing beauty pageants, look no further than right here!
This father refuses to get on board with his ex’s idea that their young daughter will start competing in beauty pageants
Image credits: fxquadro (not the actual photo)
Image credits: Prostock-studio (not the actual photo)
Image credits: ThROwRAabcdef1235
Pageants, in general, are a bit controversial, as they have been known to promote unrealistic beauty standards, place more emphasis on physical traits than internal qualities and have a negative impact on participants’ self-esteem. But when a woman is an adult, she can make an informed decision for herself whether or not entering a pageant is a good idea. When it comes to children, on the other hand, they likely have no idea what they’re getting themselves into. And do we really want to be teaching our young girls that the way to become valuable is to be pretty, answer questions diplomatically and walk across a stage smiling despite how uncomfortable their outfit and shoes are?
According to Dr. Allan Schwartz, LCSW, “Psychologists and psychiatrists largely agree that pageants, such as Toddlers and Tiaras, reinforce negative female body image issues that result in eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. As evidence of this, mental health experts point out the trend towards the onset of eating disorders at much younger ages than ever before. For example, beauty competitions emphasize the ‘Barbie doll’ image of what a beauty queen should look like. The trouble is that there is no way for a human being to look that way because it is so exaggerated.”
Young girls in pageants (yes, even 6-year-olds) are expected to be spray-tanned, wearing full faces of makeup, wearing wigs, wearing fake teeth and participating in rigorous beauty regimens that most adult women can’t afford (and wouldn’t be able to maintain regularly even if they could). Children should be allowed to run around and enjoy their childhood without feeling any pressure to look a certain way and be judged for how they look. Sadly, girls will hear plenty of opinions about their appearances once they grow up; there’s no need to subject them to that scrutiny from a young age.
Child beauty pageants are also notorious for sexualizing children. “The stereotyped thinking that females are sexual objects is detrimental to these kids,” Dr. Schwartz writes. “Their make up, clothes and types of dances all focus on being sexy. If you have any doubt about this, just watch [Toddlers & Tiaras] to see for yourself.”
When it comes to the father in this particular story, he has every right to be concerned about his daughter being entered in a pageant at such a young age, when it’s really not even up to her. It’s up to her parents to decide. Not to mention the fact that participating in pageants is an extremely expensive hobby. One mother of a Toddlers & Tiaras participant told Today in 2011 that entry fees for a pageant can be around $400, and the glamorous dresses can cost a whopping $4,000. “Costumes, they’re around $300 to $500. Coaching lessons are $50 a session, which is like an hour,” the mother told Today. “If you get into headshots, that’s super expensive. So it gets pretty expensive, not including your [hotel] stay and your gas and everything.”
Especially if he is going to be the one financially responsible for this new pageant hobby, this father is justified in wanting to have a say in whether or not his daughter participates. Perhaps, if the mother can afford to pay for it all on her own, the daughter can be allowed to enter pageants when she’s a bit older and can actually make the decision for herself. We would love to hear your thoughts on this topic in the comments below, pandas. Would you ever let your daughter enter a pageant?
Many readers agreed that the father has every right to voice his opinion and that he isn’t obligated to fund his daughter’s participation in pageants
However, other readers weren’t sure what to think, nothing that the issue may be more complicated than we know
I can't really understand people saying "ask your kid, maybe she wants to take part in it". Well if something is so wrong and creepy would you still let a 6yo kid do this because that's what she wants? That's not how parenting works...
Exact my thoughts! I had a lot of wishes and ideas as a kid and in hindsight I'm happy they decided against a lot of them. That's parenting. As an adult you have to make the final decisions, because children lack the experience to navigate through the world.
Both of these parents are children raising a child. I think that is where the biggest problem is.
23 year olds are children now?
The child was born when they were 17 and most likely conceived at 16. I doubt they got pregnant their first time. Yes some people's brains mature into adulthood young at 17, others do not until 25. (18 and 21 for adulthood/drinking are arbitrary and not universal). They have demonstrated they are on the longer path to maturity and are mentally still children.
I thought about that too. I mean, kids as a rule also “want” to eat candy until they puke, they “want” to watch horror movies that inevitably scares them for weeks to come, kids “want” a whole lot of things that will end up in bodily harm, mental harm or even death. That’s what parents are supposed to do, isn’t it? Make these decisions until the kids have knowledge and experience enough to make reasonable decisions themselves? I mean I don’t have kids myself, but that’s how I’ve understood it.
Yeah.....as Caro said she might want to prance around in a princess dress and show off, but she can do that safe and sound at HOME with an audience you know isn't perverted.
I'm going to get diwnvoted to oblivion but that's the same story for why we shouldn't encourage kids to transition genders. They are too little for big decisions
What do expect from a pair of 23 year olds. The kid is 6. Math says the daughter was conceived and born when they were minors.
NTA. I understand that a little girl may want to prance around in a beautiful *princess dress* and wear makeup and such. I get it. But as a parent I would never let a daughter participate in a pagent bc it sexualises girls and I think it's an unhealthy environment for kids in general. We want to raise our children to be confident and love themselves and this doesn't help...
I couldn't agree more! At that age, I have a feeling the girl is more excited simply to wear a fancy dress or play dress-up. A better idea would be to let her gather some friends for a fun little party where they could all play dress-up, maybe make their own little crowns with flowers and sparkles, and eat cupcakes. Hell...I kind of want a party like that! 😂
OK, I'll send the invites but will include cheese and wine LOL
Perfect! I'll bake the cupcakes!
Absolutely right and great idea. The parent would have to their validation somewhere else.
Exactly! When I was that age, I wanted to do some after seeing the other girls in school doing them & looking pretty & winning sashes and crowns. That was all I knew or cared about.
The worst thing about these child beauty pageants is the twisted beliefs that they instill in a 6 y.o. little girl. Children (especially at such young age) think in black & white. Since they get appreciation and praise due to their appearance, they'll start to believe that this is what they need to showcase, in order to get the same appreciation later in life. I had such a classmate in highschool (and she was 15, not 6). She had won several beauty pageants (her parents encouraged her because of the money.) She was displaying sexy outfits and heavy make-up as these gave her "validation" and made her the center of attention; everything else (school, friends, family) was secondary. Do you really want that for your daughter?
I agree with you. Plus he should see a lawyer and find out what his rights are. I don't believe he has no say in this. I definitely would not tell him to stop the support payments. That's entirely wrong.
I'm repulsed by how much this young guy has already paid for. OP needs to draw the line somewhere.
Huh? I don't think this hobby is a good idea but'how much this young guy has already paid for.', he's covering the basics and meeting essential needs. Home Transportation to school Clothes Food Gymnastics
And what's mom covering? She's responsible for contributing financially for their child as well. He bought a house for them and her car, in addition to paying child support. That's not the usual support order. Mom is living rent-free and doesn't have to worry about a car payment. That's a lot off her plate, and if she works, a lot of money she keeps. Now she expects him to foot the bill for pageants, which can run thousands of dollars. He's paying a lot, and it's likely that this was something they agreed on (it would be rare for a court to order him to provide housing and her vehicle as well as cash), so for him to say no to this is reasonable.
I can't really understand people saying "ask your kid, maybe she wants to take part in it". Well if something is so wrong and creepy would you still let a 6yo kid do this because that's what she wants? That's not how parenting works...
Exact my thoughts! I had a lot of wishes and ideas as a kid and in hindsight I'm happy they decided against a lot of them. That's parenting. As an adult you have to make the final decisions, because children lack the experience to navigate through the world.
Both of these parents are children raising a child. I think that is where the biggest problem is.
23 year olds are children now?
The child was born when they were 17 and most likely conceived at 16. I doubt they got pregnant their first time. Yes some people's brains mature into adulthood young at 17, others do not until 25. (18 and 21 for adulthood/drinking are arbitrary and not universal). They have demonstrated they are on the longer path to maturity and are mentally still children.
I thought about that too. I mean, kids as a rule also “want” to eat candy until they puke, they “want” to watch horror movies that inevitably scares them for weeks to come, kids “want” a whole lot of things that will end up in bodily harm, mental harm or even death. That’s what parents are supposed to do, isn’t it? Make these decisions until the kids have knowledge and experience enough to make reasonable decisions themselves? I mean I don’t have kids myself, but that’s how I’ve understood it.
Yeah.....as Caro said she might want to prance around in a princess dress and show off, but she can do that safe and sound at HOME with an audience you know isn't perverted.
I'm going to get diwnvoted to oblivion but that's the same story for why we shouldn't encourage kids to transition genders. They are too little for big decisions
What do expect from a pair of 23 year olds. The kid is 6. Math says the daughter was conceived and born when they were minors.
NTA. I understand that a little girl may want to prance around in a beautiful *princess dress* and wear makeup and such. I get it. But as a parent I would never let a daughter participate in a pagent bc it sexualises girls and I think it's an unhealthy environment for kids in general. We want to raise our children to be confident and love themselves and this doesn't help...
I couldn't agree more! At that age, I have a feeling the girl is more excited simply to wear a fancy dress or play dress-up. A better idea would be to let her gather some friends for a fun little party where they could all play dress-up, maybe make their own little crowns with flowers and sparkles, and eat cupcakes. Hell...I kind of want a party like that! 😂
OK, I'll send the invites but will include cheese and wine LOL
Perfect! I'll bake the cupcakes!
Absolutely right and great idea. The parent would have to their validation somewhere else.
Exactly! When I was that age, I wanted to do some after seeing the other girls in school doing them & looking pretty & winning sashes and crowns. That was all I knew or cared about.
The worst thing about these child beauty pageants is the twisted beliefs that they instill in a 6 y.o. little girl. Children (especially at such young age) think in black & white. Since they get appreciation and praise due to their appearance, they'll start to believe that this is what they need to showcase, in order to get the same appreciation later in life. I had such a classmate in highschool (and she was 15, not 6). She had won several beauty pageants (her parents encouraged her because of the money.) She was displaying sexy outfits and heavy make-up as these gave her "validation" and made her the center of attention; everything else (school, friends, family) was secondary. Do you really want that for your daughter?
I agree with you. Plus he should see a lawyer and find out what his rights are. I don't believe he has no say in this. I definitely would not tell him to stop the support payments. That's entirely wrong.
I'm repulsed by how much this young guy has already paid for. OP needs to draw the line somewhere.
Huh? I don't think this hobby is a good idea but'how much this young guy has already paid for.', he's covering the basics and meeting essential needs. Home Transportation to school Clothes Food Gymnastics
And what's mom covering? She's responsible for contributing financially for their child as well. He bought a house for them and her car, in addition to paying child support. That's not the usual support order. Mom is living rent-free and doesn't have to worry about a car payment. That's a lot off her plate, and if she works, a lot of money she keeps. Now she expects him to foot the bill for pageants, which can run thousands of dollars. He's paying a lot, and it's likely that this was something they agreed on (it would be rare for a court to order him to provide housing and her vehicle as well as cash), so for him to say no to this is reasonable.