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Kids have no filter, and we love collecting all the unhinged things they say. One group of people who have an endless supply of these gems is teachers.
So after Reddit user Loud_Bluejay_6663 asked them to share the craziest family lore a student has told them, the replies immediately flew in.
From embarrassing injury reports to confessions about secret relatives, I guess it's easier to spill the tea when you're still figuring out the rules of the world.
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#1
I taught preschool. One of my favorite 4-year-old kiddos was just coloring with me at the end of a long day. Suddenly he looked me straight in the eyes and said, “Hey. My Mommy used to be a boy. She still has boy parts. I grew in different belly and then my Mommy took me out and that was that. I know you thought she’s always been a mommy. She hides it good.”
And then casually went back to coloring a cat picture.
I never in a thousand years would have known had he not spilled the beans. Hopefully he felt good getting that out? Hope you’re doing well in elementary school Sam!
RELATED:
#2
A 2nd grader: "my mom said that once my dad learns a few things, he might could come home but right now he's in "time out" for adults because he messed up REALLY bad and the judge said he gets a BIG time out. He doesn't have to stay in a chair though, he gets a room.".
Shark Lady 9 hours ago
That's a really clever way to describe prison to young children. Time out is something they can understand
#3
So this is a core memory for me.not really family lore but it showed a glimpse into what must go on in the house.
I'm teaching kids gymnastics during high school and there's one girl maybe 6. She always wore clunky costume jewelry which was cute because she matched her grandmother who would drop her off. Anyway it's just at the start of class and I'm letting them jump on the trampoline as kids funnel in. She's happy and jumping one minute, and the next she is full on sobbing. I figured she landed on an ankle wrong or something so I go over to comfort her and she sobs 'I'M SAD BECAUSE JESUS SACRIFICED FOR OUR SINS AND I MISS HIM' and I'm just...not really sure what to do - so I told we can go get a drink from the water fountain and calm down. She calmed down and went about class but...full on sobbing??? You miss Jesus??? I just remember thinking 'im not super Jewish but I am TOO Jewish for this situation lol'.
#4
"Mummy is sleeping in a different room because it isn't daddy's baby in her tummy" .
#5
I was a 1st grade math and reading tutor. 20 years ago, I complimented Allison on her beautiful winter coat. She told me her mom walked into someone’s house and got it for her. She told me that’s how she got her boots too. I asked her if that happens a lot and she said, “yeah especially before we go visit daddy in prison. We’re going this weekend!!”
I looked at the teacher and she just kind of did a little nod and shrug and moved on.
So anyway, seems mom didn’t want daddy to worry about them while he was doing time, but yeah they were not ok.
Allison was genuinely the sweetest girl in the whole class. I wonder how she’s doing now. I hope the universe is taking care of her.
Alex Kennedy 11 hours ago
Much better than a vague hope in “the Universe” would be a competent and well-funded social safety net.
#6
I had an elementary student ask me to not put out the newspaper that day because her dads arrest was on the front page /:.
#7
Once a 4th grader pointed to another kid on the playground and said “see that kid? He used to be my brother but then his dad cheated on my mom so he’s not my brother anymore”.
#8
While student teaching I had a student without me even asking proudly come up and tell me about how his mom’s two boyfriends weren’t getting along as well as they used to.
#9
I was an "extra course" teacher for 2 weeks at the boys-only school.
One of the boys (12) asked me: "Aren't you afraid to be in a class full of men?" (haha... 12yo... "men"). I said I do not, and why should I?
To my horror, this 14yo said "Because my dad has seen you and said you should be, and that if you're not - he cannot wait to have a meeting with you. He said women should be afraid."
I never met the dad. I told about it to the main teacher and my colleague I was teaching with though (both men). I hope the kid (and his mom) are ok.
Crystalwitch60 5 hours ago
Wow ,incel s c um father raising and incel s c u m kid wonderful, that’s basically a bloody threat 🤬
#10
4th grader: “My mom and dad aren’t together anymore because I took a video of my mom cheating and sent it to my dad”.
#11
My son in kindergarten regularly talks at school about having a ghost dad and a regular dad (long story, but ghost dad is a Japanese soldier from WWII, his real dad is alive and well). He includes ghost dad in drawings of his family in school, so hey Ms. Burk if youre in here, I'd love to clear the air lol.
#12
Teacher to smelly kid: "I think you need to have a bath when you get home"
Smelly kid: "Can't have a bath coz Colleen (sibling) sleeps in the bath."
Teacher was obviously horrified. Smelly kid was one of 6+ kids in the family and space was limited.
#13
Daycare. “My mom isn’t wearing panties today!” Proceeds to mime lifting a skirt- “she said look at this Daniel (dad)!”.
#14
Had a kid and her mom come into the room where there were a lot of other parents and from across the room the child apologized for being late and went on to say they were late because her mom opened a kitchen cabinet and it was covered in cockroaches. The mother looked like she was going to melt from the embarrassment.
#15
“On new years, my dad drank too many bottles and got really mad so now he has to go live somewhere else for a few months to learn to not be so mad”.
#16
Had a kid tell me that she wouldn’t be in the next day. When I asked why, she said her dad was in debt with some bad people after him, so they had to leave. Sure enough, student never came back.
#17
I used to volunteer to read to kids who needed some extra adult 1:1 time at my children’s primary school. One day a young lady very plainly explained to me how her parents explained to her that she would turn into a werewolf at 18. She was serious. I watched her grow up and graduate high school- as a human. A little shocked for real.
#18
I knew something big happened with one of our intermediate kids(4-6th grade) but not what so after seeing them after a few weeks I was talking to them and they casually dropped that their parent had given them a black eye. Another kid said their parents showed them a picture of a corpse before school and that really upset them. Like yeah me too.
Daisydaisy 9 hours ago
I wasn't a perfect mum, but sheesh - no black eyes and no pictures of corpses! 😫
#19
When I worked at an after school care program for rich Montessori kids, a preschooler told me "grandpa got mad at mommy cause she drank too much red juice and throwed up on the table, last night!".
#20
6 year old, first thing he said when he walked in one morning. “My dad is an alcoholic and he uses the system.
I can only imagine what his mom must have been saying on the drive to schools.
#21
Im not a school teacher but I used to teach a summer educational program in a national park. We had kids from all over the US. One day, a new group of teens is meeting each other and discussing regional stereotypes. There’s this tough kid from rural Louisiana and someone asks him “is it true that everyone’s parents are cousins down there?” And he blankly responds “Im not gonna say yes or no but I’ll tell you I’m the only one on my baseball team who’s not related to another player” .
#22
Little girl accidently told me her parents are siblings. She was telling me about her trip to her parents' home country. They'd gone back for her grandfather's funeral. She's telling me this whole big long story with some extra characters, aunts, and uncles. I'm trying to keep track and ask her clarifying questions. She eventually loses her thread, and that's when she mentioned her parents' reactions and how they were grieving. Initially, she'd told me it was her dad's dad, but then she's telling me something about how her mom was wailing, "My father! My father!" That's when I really lock in, and I say, "Wait, I'm confused, I thought it was your dad's dad?" She looks at me 👀, eyes expanding to the size of saucers, then proceeds to take me on another rollercoaster of details, but I know what I heard. Plus, it was easy to believe, given all the other things (which I shall not reveal here) that we knew about the family.
#23
“Tyler sleeps on the couch”
I have no idea who Tyler is and the child was not accepting questions at this time.
#24
I had a student tell me that their dad (step-dad that mom married a year before) had been married 4 times, but this time it was gonna stick.
Also, 99% sure this was a mail-order bride situation.
#25
Not my student, but my coworker had a kid pull up a news article on his Chromebook of his dads arrest. He got angry and threw a chalupa at the Taco Bell employee. The article dubbed him the “chalupa chucker”.
#26
A student once told me her mom was on tinder. I was like oh, interesting, and she's like yeah it means she's cheating on my dad. Oh is that what that meant? And then she said "Yeah, I saw her bio and it said she was looking for a third person soo"
Pretended to not know what that meant and I doubt she did either.
#27
I just got to see a family tree that a student put on the board, and they listed the 9 half siblings that are confirmed, but apparently it’s in the lore that there’s 13. (Dad is not Nick Cannon).
#28
One of my students told me that his mom was having a histerectomy (after asking me, in a conspiratorial whisper if i knew what a period was lol) and that was why she couldn't come to field day.
#30
I have been teaching elementary school for 14 years and the craziest thing I ever heard was from a 7-year-old during a simple writing prompt about weekend plans. This kid casually wrote 150 words explaining how his dad has a second family in a city 45 miles away and that they only visit on Tuesdays. He even listed the make and model of the car they hide in the garage so the neighbors dont see it. It turned into a massive legal situation that involved 3 lawyers and a 6-month investigation because the kid was 100% accurate about the details.
#31
"My mum told me that she wanted to abort me but my dad persuaded her not to, and now he doesn't even talk to me".
#32
Two years ago, one of my third graders started using a different last name on her papers. When I asked why, she said, “That’s my mom’s old last name. My dad cheated on her and just left us for the filthy witch.” The student was normally so demure and sweet, and kindness is a huge thing at my school, but I just nodded, said I was sorry to hear that, and walked away. I wasn’t going to wade into those waters (although I did give the guidance counselor a heads up).
#33
My nephew told his class “mama hurt her back cuz she slipped on my boogers!”
My SIL had slipped in his barf, when he ate one too many slices of deli cheese at the grocery store. Her back’s never been the same.
He’s almost 18 now, I like to make fun of him with this one.
#34
My partner age 4 told the nuns his house burned down the night before. He was hella specific about it. They had all sorts of support services, donation fund, meal train, etc., in place when his mom picked him up that day. His mom said they did own a tv at that time but that it wasn't kept out so she and her husband couldn't figure out how he knew so many details about emergency service procedures. He doesn't remember any of this haha but his mom was mortified.
#35
I told my teacher when I was a freshman that my mom threw me down a flight of stairs and I lost part of my tibia to a nail hanging out of the stair. My dad cauterized it with a blowtorch.
Teacher calls CPS.
CPS asks my parents about it.
Parents tell CPS I’m lying about it.
When answering the CPS worker about it, I just throw my leg up on the desk and show them the scar and asked them to put their thumb in the hole where my bone should be.
Parents moved us out of state to my moms brothers house in Arkansas that night.
#36
Saw a student at the pool one summer.
Student - “Hi Mrs! It’s my birthday!”
Me - “How exciting! Happy Birthday!”
S- “yeah, this is my party, at the pool. I almost had to miss it. See? My arm is wrapped up. The hospital said I broke it but my mom said we’d go back for a cast after my party.”
Me - 😳😳😳
Arm was indeed in a sling and wrapped up.
#37
A second grader explained that her cousin (who was in 4th grade, same school) was not her cousin but her sister, and her daddy had had 3 wives but “she couldn’t tell anyone or they’d send the police over again.”
That explained the minivan full of kids at pickup.
#38
I had two students in the same 6th grade class with the same dad, different moms.
This is in a medium-sized city where there are dozens of schools in a city, and students go to school in the zone closest to their home. That means dad got two women pregnant in the same small area of this city.
Dad left the mom of one girl to be with the mom of the other girl. The girls were lovely and got along really well, like stepsisters/besties. They knew it was strange but they were cool about it and that was heartwarming 🩵
Parent teacher conferences were fascinating because I met each mom (dad didn’t attend either) and they were really opposite of one another. So there’s a little drama that maybe isn’t drama at all 🤷🏼♀️.
Jaya 51 minutes ago
Why is this teacher all "OMG! Someone's new wife lives in the same small area of the city!!" like the closeness of their houses makes it somehow more scandalous? Would it be less scandalous if he had a new wife and kid who lived in another city or another part of the city? This teacher has a weird gossipy vibe.
#39
17 year old boy who still slept in the same bed as his mother, and this came out in a meeting with him and his mom, and neither of them regarded it as odd at all. (It wasn’t necessary due to housing or anything like that - he had his own room.).
Daisydaisy 9 hours ago
I'm a big fan of co-sleeping but it generally ends when they're about three years old!
#40
Had a kindergartener casually mention during snack time that their great-grandfather was a "famous bank robber" in the 1920s. Apparently the whole family was proud of it and kept newspaper clippings framed in their living room. Wild.
BarBeeGirl 10 hours ago
My great great great grandfather was a famous (or infamous) serial killer and grave robber. And yes I am proud of it and will tell everyone if given a chance.
#41
My wife taught school and for a short period, had 4K and kindergarten under her charge.
One of the first days of school, a little girl grabbed my wife’s dress and lifted it way up.
Having dealt with kids a lot, my wife barely raised an eyebrow. “Why did you do that, honey?”, she asked.
The little girl said, “I was checking to see if you wear underwear, because my mommy doesn’t.”.
#42
A bit of the other perspective - I got a call from the mom I nannied for after her son’s parent-teacher conference in kindergarten. I had met the family when I taught pre-k and the boy was in our after-school program. Apparently he had said something in school that made the nuns question what type of Catholics the family truly were. When they asked mom and dad, mom started laughing hysterically and said that that wasn’t something they ever told their son, but they knew who did. Thankfully I wasn’t in trouble, because the mom completely understood how I would say such a thing.
The questionable religious lesson: the reason God gave people elbows was so you have somewhere to cough and sneeze. God gave them to you. Use them!
Yes. I 100% said that to her child. More than once. And for the love of all that’s right and holy, stop coughing on ME!
#43
Not a teacher.
My daughter went to pre-k one day and told everyone that her baby brother Jonah had passed.
My daughter is, and has always been an only child. There is no Jonah. She made him up. The poor sub (main teacher was out on maternity leave) was this 20 year old college student and she approached my wife at pickup that day and was trying her hardest to be gentle because obviously the loss of a little one is probably the hardest thing a parent could bare (the center had actually had one of the kids lose a sibling to SIDS just a few weeks before). The relief I’m sure that poor TA must have felt when my wife broke the news. 😂
Kids are jerks. Funny jerks. But jerks nonetheless.
#44
My mom taught elementary school and has dozens of stories, but one of my favorites was not so much a lore drop, but the kid brought a ziploc bag of "sugar" for show & tell. He said he found it under mom & dad's bed.
My mom called the police and the kid probably ended up in foster care.
#45
Somewhat related, my gf works at a daycare and has two kids in her class that are sister-cousins. Same mom, and the dads are brothers .
#46
I'm the parent but I'm friends with the teacher. She taught my daughter in Pre-K. One day, I was running late and I explained that I have narcolepsy and had fallen asleep. She assured me it was okay and when I got to the school, the teacher said "actually, we've known for a while. Your husband picked her up from school one day and she said 'oh that's my daddy. I guess mommy is sleeping again. Ughhhh she's always sleeping, she has narcolepsy'" like I had personally inconvenienced her. I do feel really bad when my disorder affects them, but I try my best. Some days are just harder than others. today for instance I drank three energy drinks and STILL couldn't stay awake.
#47
Had a student who said his dad was a colonel in the army and he would be gone on “missions” for an extended period of time. It turned out “colonel” was actually an honorific for an auctioneer. Our school counselor did some digging and found out that the “colonel” was actually the students dad, and the students mom was his side piece. The “missions” were when the colonel was with his wife and other son.
#48
“My mommy and my daddy don’t live together anymore because my mommy was mean to my daddy. Hey, do you like my shoes?”.
Auntriarch 3 hours ago
Reminds me of couple that told their little boy he was adopted, and his response was "Oh. What's for tea?"
#49
Ex Kindergarten teacher here. A student of mine during my second year of teaching her mom faked cancer. My student would say things like “I helped give mom shots. It’s her special medicine.” At 5 years old! She had a GoFundMe and everything.
The mom was the mystery reader one day at school and came in in a wheelchair and had a friend pushing her. She read to the kids for about an hour. A book about historical figures. To 5 year olds. She acted completely normal and didn’t look sick in the slightest.
It was about a month or so after that it all unraveled. She was actually charged with fraud an spent some time in prison.
Luckily, the dad was amazing and the kid grew up pretty well adjusted, considering all the mom trauma.
#50
When my daughter was in first grade, she asked the teacher if she could make an announcement. The teacher agreed. My daughter went to the the front of the class & said : “God gave us lips for a reason. If we want to be mean, they help keep our mouth shut.”.
#51
Not a teacher but mom was the school nurse at a Catholic school (free tuition) and my family was one who constantly had comedy movies, particularly anything military-related, on screen.
By the time I was in nursery school circa 1985 Stripes was in solid rotation and there is an iconic John Candy mud wrestling scene.
~5 year old me had many incorrect assumptions as to what was happening in that scene so when asked by my teacher (who was also a nun) what I wanted to be when I grew up I responded “I want to wrestle in Jello!!”
Mum was mortified.
#52
I had an 8th grade student tell me once that his dad was “the bicycle storer” for their church, so when the apocalypse happens and there’s an EMP, everyone at their church will have a bike to ride. Their garage is apparently packed with bicycles. “That’s my dad’s job. Everyone in the church has a job to do while the rest of the world burns.”
I wondered what happened to them at Covid because his dad quit his very publicly visible employment.
#53
I’ve got a student who was terrible all year acting like he’s been scared straight these past couple weeks. I finally got him to tell me why he’s so quiet. His mom told him he’d been so bad and evil that a demon was going to crawl inside him at the devil’s hour (3:00am) if he didn’t start being better. He is terrified! And another second grader in that class jumped in telling me there are little demons and big demons and the little ones lead you to the big ones. Kid looks like he’s seen some stuff. I asked him where he got that from and he said TikTok.
Then there was the time I was doing a lesson on tolerance and one of the 1st graders said his mama told him there’s about to be world war 3. And another one said his mama told him white people were out to get black people. 🤦♀️😬💁♀️.
#54
I was a 1-on-1 assistant for a student on the spectrum. He was 15 at the time of this
Me: what did you do over the weekend?
Him: I played video games while my mom drank boxed wine.
#55
Ooooh! I have one! I’ve been teaching 20+ years and this year, about a month into school, two of the students in my p3 8th grade class told me that one girl in my class was the “auntie” of the other boy in my class. I asked them to repeat it and they did, smiling ear to ear. Both great kids. And here’s the kicker: auntie is younger than her nephew who sits three desks away.
#56
I had a kindergartener tell me her mom was in jail bc she set the house on fire with all the kids (and her disabled brother) inside. Absolutely broke my heart.
#57
Had a 2yo tell me they had a skeleton in their basement. I figured lol halloween decor, but it was a little funny, so I mentioned it to his mom, and she said no, they had a *real* skeleton in the basement that dad had seen someone taking to drop off at the thrift store, but he was like WOW and the person gave it to him instead. I did not ask further questions, but I don’t think it was a plastic one.
#58
"My mom is suing the company she works at because she thinks they're discriminating against her because she has lots of kids."
Idk what happened with the lawsuit, but the family was difficult, to put it mildly. They had 2 nannies and a housekeeper, and one of the kids (age 6 at the time) let slip that he did his own laundry, and had since he was 4. I felt so bad for those kids. I guess it's proof that money can't buy happiness, but those kids deserved better.
#59
Doing a Mother's Day survey sheet with 4th graders, looking over the answers as I moved around the room...
"Mom's favorite food: salad and vodka".
#60
Not a teacher, but when I went to pick up my kiddo from afterschool care one day, I overheard a child telling one of the teachers “my mommy doesn’t drink grown up juice because her uncle would drink it and hit her.”
To be honest, I still don’t know how I feel about overhearing it. On one hand, I felt bad that the child knew about that, but on the other, I know my child has overheard stories I’ve told when I thought they weren’t in the room or were asleep. But I also give big kudos to that mom for not even risking being like that around her child.
#61
Student casually says in dead silence ‘my parents are cousins’. I don’t remember how I found out it was true, but it was true. They were first cousins.
#62
TBH I didn't get this from the kid, but from admin, but I had a 6th grader who was held hostage for several days with his parents. I had to know because he would be sensitive when the anniversary. He was a total sweetheart, I wouldn't have even suspected something so traumatic otherwise.
What do you think ?
Eastendbird 9 hours ago
One of my favourites was when I was reading the book "We're going on a bear hunt" to the class and one little boy piped up with "My mummy calls my daddy her hairy bear. She says he has hair aaaaallll over.." Made the next parent/teacher conference fun.
Eastendbird 9 hours ago
One of my favourites was when I was reading the book "We're going on a bear hunt" to the class and one little boy piped up with "My mummy calls my daddy her hairy bear. She says he has hair aaaaallll over.." Made the next parent/teacher conference fun.
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