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57 Times The Courtroom Witnessed A Plot Twist Nobody Saw Coming
From Law & Order to Suits and Better Call Saul, we get plenty of legal drama on TV. But when the fate of government agencies, businesses, and, of course, people is on the line, real-life courtrooms can be just as dramatic and unpredictable.
So, to give you an idea of what really happens once everyone is sworn in, we went through every corner of the internet and compiled a list of the wildest courtroom stories shared by lawyers, judges, and other legal professionals who have truly seen it all.
This post may include affiliate links.
#1
Well, I second-chaired for a client during a jury trial who really, really needed to go to the bathroom, and the judge said no. Pissed his pants during voir dire.
Court officers had to replace the chair, and likely had to clean it, too. And of course everyone in the system automatically blamed the defendant.
It's "funny" how little it takes for a so-called civilized legal system to stop treating people like human beings. Wanting to rush through an already-rushed process, for example. Or having a person be "presumed innocent" which clearly means they're a horrible lying sociopath that's faking having to pee just to be a petty piece of s**t.
In a better legal system, that f*****g *judge* would've had to have cleaned that chair.
RELATED:
#2
During my court reporting internship I met a really nice bailiff. Sometimes attorneys have to approach the judge for a side-bar conversation that’s supposed to be unheard by the jury. But because court is boring, attorneys having secret whisper arguments with a judge seems fascinating to a jury. This bailiff would distract them by playing Marvin Gaye on his phone and dancing around like a Motown backup singer. Dude loved his job and went above and beyond his duties.
Did I say that out loud? 1 minute ago
Maybe just remove the jury if the defence/prosecuting counsel need to discuss a legal point, like they do in England.
Regardless of what you think about these stories, real-world courtrooms are facing a massive reality check. In October, the World Justice Project (WJP) released its 2025 Rule of Law Index, the latest in its annual series of reports measuring people's perceptions and experiences of the rule of law worldwide.
The publication is a valuable resource for understanding the status and long-term trends of the rule of law, presenting detailed data on 44 variables for 143 countries.
The 2025 WJP report shows that in the last year, the rule of law declined in 68% of the countries surveyed, compared with 57% in the prior year. This, unfortunately, accelerates a steady decline in the rule of law over the past eight years.
#3
I read this comment a few weeks ago, where someone was robbed by two guys. The judge asks the victim if those two guys are in the courtroom. Before he could answer, those morons lifted their hands, as in "Here we are.".
#4
"He's been cheating on me! I found underwear that wasn't mine in his car."
"Hold on! There was no underwear!"
"Yes, there was! And it was plus sized. As you can see, I'm not a plus sized lady."
"First of all, they weren't plus sized and second-"
Judge "Wait. I thought you said there was no underwear"
"oh......umm.... It flew in from the window?"
Divorce court is hilarious.
#5
So I've told this one quite a few times but I used to intern for a judge. Most of his cases were d***s,dui, or p**********n. One day a woman is brought up from jail for a hearing. (d**g related) She is a regular in the courtroom, and is in one of the d**g dependency programs.
Paraphrasing the conversation:
Judge: Tell me what happened
Woman: I was leaving the clinic and this guy asked if I wanted some fire a*s d*pe
J: He asked what?
W: If I wanted some fire a*s d*pe
(Lawyer whispers to her)
J: Some fire a*s d*pe?
W: Yes fire a*s d*pe
J: I take it you used it and that is why you are here
W: I did and it was d**n good
This decline is profoundly disturbing. The report highlights several key findings that help explain the decline:
A rise in authoritarianism is driving the rule-of-law recession. Three core variables measuring checks on government power declined in over 60% of countries.
Civic space is shrinking in many countries. In the past year, more than 70% of countries experienced increased restrictions on the civic freedoms necessary to maintain open, accountable, and responsive governments.
The last line of defense against executive overreach is weakening. In 2025, core safeguards of judicial independence weakened in most countries. Hopefully, there's less drama and more cohesion in 2026.
#6
I'm a legal secretary. I used to assist attorneys who practice Juvenile Dependency. We were funded the county to defend indigent parents whose children were removed by CPS. A mother came to court with a tattoo "F**k CPS" on her neck.
A client (father) was on the witness stand being questioned.
Attorney: How much m*******a do you use currently?
Client: Well... Not as much as I'd like.
[Face palm]
#7
I know I'm coming in here with the tired "I am not a lawyer/judge/courtroom worker" but this is still relevant and I have my doubts the judge uses reddit.
I was in there to contest a $250 ticket, which was issued in error when a cop ticketed everyone in one lot for parking illegally on private property. Mine was the only car actually allowed to be there.
So the guy who went up before me had been ticketed for parking illegally in front of a handicap only meter, which has a red top in DC. He had brought pictures to show that there were no signs near where he parked to indicate that red top meters are exclusively for handicap use. He lived in Maryland, he said, and was not aware of that DC law. Since there were no signs, he argued that he couldn't have known.
From what the judge was saying it seemed like he was about to excuse the ticket, when the guy, I can only guess thinking that this would somehow *help him*, threw in that he was MPD, and as such he was a very upstanding citizen who would never break the law knowingly.
The judge immediately ordered him to pay the full ticket amount, and advised that since he was a DC cop, he should probably make sure to familiarize himself with the laws he was supposed to enforce.
#8
I was installing furniture/equipment in a courthouse office.
I’m walking into the building with all of my tools waiting in line to be cleared by security. The man in front of me steps up the to metal detectors and grabs one of the baskets you use to empty your pockets.
Into the basket the Man places his watch, his necklace, wallet, keys cell phone, w*ed sack and p*stol. He then casually walks through the metal detector and looks back to the officer to get his belongings.
The three officers and several people standing around are stunned. After a few seconds the officer with the basket says, “Uh... put your hands behind your back?”
The guy didn’t fight them, he just refused to believe he had done anything wrong. He was there for a d**g offense.
Earonn - 6 hours ago
You just sometimes forget. I tried to walk into the Scottish Parliament for a guided tour and only last minute realised that I had my knitting with me (because I had some waiting to do earlier). Stupid me! So I showed it to the security guys - and had a wee chat with one of them about the fair isle knitting I was doing. They allowed me in AND keep my knitting, which was very kind. Admittedly, knitting needles aren't guns... :D
#9
Nothing too terribly crazy.
There was the lady who fake fainted during a hearing when the attorneys were at sidebar. Like held onto the chair as she got on her knees and threw herself on the ground like a 2 year old having a tantrum. Judge and attorneys glanced her way and continued speaking.
Then there was the time I told my client we would lose about eleventy billion times but she still insisted on going to trial. And, shocker, we lost. So when I took the group around the corner to tell them the news she started sobbing and slid down the wall all dramatic while her new guy threatened to beat up the other party.
At a restraining order hearing, some guy decided it would be a good idea to threaten to k**l his wife in the hallway. My client heard it and told me, I told the bailiff and left. Apparently the bailiff told the judge. Dude was immediately handcuffed and thrown in a holding cell and I was called back to court about it. Apparently he didn’t really mean to threaten to k**l her. All that bravado went away real quick once steel cuffs hit his wrist.
First appearance criminal court, bailiff misses the wood block when using the gavel and shatters the glass covering the table top. We had to stop the hearings and used file folders to sweep up all these chunks of glass before a defendant cut themselves or smuggled some glass into the jail. That bailiff was teased about breaking the glass for years.
And a story I heard but did not witness...criminal hearing, victim’s father jumps across the barrier to attack the defendant. Bailiffs jump in. Judge can’t see what’s happening so he pulls out his personal handg*n. All attention immediate goes towards the bench with the judge standing there packing heat. I believe bailiffs took the judge’s g*n and got control over the father and defendant. Unsurprisingly, someone ran against the judge in the next election and won.
Most people just say ridiculous things rather than do ridiculous things.
#10
I saw a woman who wanted to plead "guilty and not guilty". When asked why by the judge, she explained that she did turn left in front of the other car and failed to yield but she didn't mean to hit anyone...so she was "guilty AND not guilty".
#11
Defense attorney was tased and tackled by federal marshals after the acquittal of his client.
He had been insufferable for the entire trial and threw a fit when the marshals tried to bring his client into custody. Although his client had been acquitted in that trial, he was awaiting trial for a separate crime in another state. Thus, he was supposed to be taken into custody and transferred. His attorney shouted at the judge and tried to block the marshals from accessing his client and ended up getting tased in the process.
His conduct during the trial was outrageous. So much so that the chief judge sought to block the guy from federal practice in the state (he had pro hoc’d in) and pursued sanctions in his home state.
Upstaged75 14 hours ago
I love it when a-holes get tased! 😂 They're not so tough anymore when they get zapped and fall to the ground.
#12
Prosecuting a mental health commitment, subject stands up at the end, points to everyone in the room - the judge, his attorney, the doc, the social worker - calls them all [jerks]. "You're a [jerk], you're a [jerk], you're a [jerk], etc" points to me and says, "You're okay."
#13
I was an intern working for an attorney: family law. Annoyingly nasty divorce, leaving the courtroom opposing party leaves first and we hold back for a bit before leaving. Standard operating procedure.
We go down the stairs and around the corner towards the exit, and what do you know it's the disgruntled former husband with a barrage of colorful insults and he has cranked the volume k**b to about 12/10.
Enter me: about '6, 175 lbs, clearly working for an attorney, and in notably better shape than him. Confident he wouldn't try anything as there are cops everywhere and one approaching to investigate the disturbance, I feel emboldened and step between my client and opposing party and begin to say, "hey, calm down man now is not the time or--"
M**********r punched me in the gut, and I was not expecting that s**t. I double over immediately. He gets tackled by the nearest officer, cuffed, and dragged away presumably to the jail next door.
The partner is clearly trying to contain her laughter and our client is on one knee asking if I'm okay. Meanwhile, I'm dying of embarrassment and trying not to vomit up my breakfast.
#14
Went to school with a guy who always carried a knuckle brass (illegal in Germany). Eventually he got pulled over for not wearing a seatbelt and was caught with the kb sitting next to the radio. Police confiscated it and he had to appear in court for possession of an illegal weapon. He then went on to completely deny everything he was accused of. Said the cops lied, he was being framed etc.
To prove that the kb didn't belong to him, he (in court) pulled out another one and put it on, claiming that this one is barely fitting him and it was way bigger than the one they found in his car.
Needless to say he got convicted for both of them and had to pay a 1200€ fine, plus 80 hours of community work.
Rinso The Red 2 hours ago
Interesting - they're "Brass Knuckles" over here, and also illegal in most places.
#15
Lawyer here. Client (female) shows up for court to be sentenced to probation on minor charge (w*ed? shoplifting? can’t remember) wearing what looks like a one-piece bright yellow bathing suit, with flip flops and a yellow fishnet wrap over the bathing suit. I held my breath when the case was called. Judge does the sentencing, and then:
Judge: And next time don’t show up for court looking like you’re going to the beach!
Client (deadpan, as if confused): But I am going to the beach.
#16
I'm an observer for Plaintiff in a 200 million dollar intellectual property case. It's the second trial in Federal Court, the first verdict was tossed on procedure.
The case concerned cell phone chip manufacturing process, quite complicated and technical, but it was a jury trial. It also had been litigated in Europe as well as Japan, South Korea and China. The Judge gave stern and EXPLICIT instructions to the attorneys that there could be NO mention of these cases, NONE.
So.....at one point a couple days in.....defense guy brings up the European case IN FRONT OF THE JURY.
I might add the Firms involved were the number 1 and number 2 law firms in Los Angeles, some of the biggest and most prestigious in the nation.
The Judge excuses the Jury, admonishes the guy and reaffirms, NO MENTION of the other cases. Jury returns, the guy BRINGS IT UP AGAIN. Judge sends the jury out, angrily tell the guy, NO MENTION OF THE OTHER CASES! Warns him.
Jury returns, HE DOES IT AGAIN! The Judge dismisses the jury again, tell the Federal Marshals to open their handcuffs, and if the guy does it again, to cuff him and take him to jail.
Judge angrily asks if all the defense lawyers are going to ignore his instructions, they stammer and say nooooooo, he isn't with them. The Judge is visibly STEAMED, Jury returns all eyes on the stupid defense lawyer, Marshals ready, standing in the courtroom with cuffs out. Guy is so flustered he's all red, visibly shaking. Can't continue, adjourned for the day.
A lawyer simply DOES NOT BEHAVE THIS WAY in front of a Federal judge, just DOESN'T do it. It was crazy.
We won the case Plaintiff) and the original award of 200 million was reduced to .......$20,000. The antics did NOT help their case.
Upstaged75 14 hours ago
What an idiot. 🙄 Did he think the judges instructions didn't apply to him?
#17
I was in court because my car was broken into. We found out i.t was my neighbor who did it, and since we were both in high school at the time it went to juvenile court. He stole my cell phone, face plate for my CD player and all my cds. His mom found out and turned him into the police, and I got some of my stuff back minus the phone and some cds. At trial his mom told the judge he gave the cell phone to someone else and shouldn’t be responsible for paying for it. The judges mouth wouldn’t close at her stupidity.
#18
I know this is probably looking for funny stories, but I have one that's a little more serious.
My dad was a lawyer. My senior year our school let students who didn't have to retake the standardized test do service learning for those days. I chose to shadow my dad at a big jury trial he had going on and a friend of mine who'd already graduated tagged along.
It was a beautiful Tuesday morning in September. When my friend and I were driving to my dad's house we heard a news report that someone crashed a plane into the World Trade Center. Bob & Tom were joking about it. We walked into my dad's house just in time to see the second plane hit on live TV. Bob & Tom weren't joking when we got back to the car to go to court.
That day in court was surreal. The lawyers knew what was going on. The judge and prosecutor knew what was going on. The jury had no f*****g clue though, and everyone was stuck in the courtroom and on a media blackout since they weren't going to have the TV on in the background during a jury trial.
My friend and I were the only ones there watching the trial as observers. We were the only ones who could go out and listen to the news, and so we were the only way for anyone in that room to have any idea what was going on outside. So we'd bring in updates when they had brief breaks, and people were low key freaking out as they were trapped in this room going ahead with a trial that probably shouldn't have happened that day and the only news was coming from a high school kid walking across the street to listen to updates on NPR in his car.
Security also really tightened up between arriving in the morning and leaving for lunch. We didn't end up spending much time in the court room observing because people were asking for updates. The justice center was like a ghost town with only the guards up front, and they were looking around like they were expecting an attack at any moment.
The guy got convicted. My dad tried to get a retrial or something because of the circumstances, but it never happened.
Upstaged75 14 hours ago
Imagine being some of of the only people in the country who didn't know what had happened on 911! And then walking out of jury duty into a different world. 😕
#19
After her third DUI, my elderly and disabled neighbor was being let off with a suspended license and a hefty fine. Thinking she could do better, she attempted to negotiate (loudly and aggressively) with the judge, using her infinite wisdom of prime time television law shows. She walked out with jail time.
Upstaged75 14 hours ago
Sorry, but after your 3rd DUI you should never be allowed to drive a car again! 😡
#20
Obligatory "not a whatever", I was a juror. They're was a horrible "expert" witness testifying for the defense on a m****r trial. Everything he said was objected to and sustained. The prosecutor started to question him and he couldn't answer a single question. He must have somehow triggered siri on his phone and it said, "it's ok if you don't understand.".
Fellfromthemoon 3 hours ago
Looking at this juror's writing, I wouldn't want him/her to decide over me based on his/her understanding of an expert's statement.
#21
Back when I first started, I was in court with my father in law, (also an attorney) and he was arguing with the judge and took issue with something the judge said, by saying “that sounds like something a Yale man would say.” The judge asked, “how did you know I went to Yale?” “I saw your ring when you were picking your nose.” Yeah, it’s good to practice with a bunch of old country lawyers.
Just today, I got in a heated argument in court with opposing counsel, and we both had pretty raised voices, and her client started to cry. So opposing counsel said “No, it’s ok, this is just how we argue, we still love each other” and came over and gave me a hug. The judge didn’t say a word.
Another time, I was arguing that a guy should not get probation because he was refusing to take random d**g screens. He explained he wasn’t refusing, he just thought we were wasting our efforts because he’d just admit he smoked w**d all the time.
Then there was the criminal defendant who came to court wearing a hoodie that said “I came to f**k s**t up”
And the lady who pulled into the courthouse parking lot, beside the sheriff’s department, an in front of the K9 officer who was standing with his dog in the next parking space, with a veritable pharmacopeia in her car.
#22
Heard this from a coworker who was sometimes in the court room.
I can't remember what the original offence was to bring the defendant to court, but the guy was really immature and a complete a*****e (wait for it).
If there was a moment where the judge wasn't looking, he'd turn to his family in the gallery and smirk at them, was just being a complete pain and belligerent all through the trial. Flipped the judge off at one point.
Judge said something he really didn't like, so he turned around, dropped trou in the middle of the trial and spread his a**cheeks apart. Judge got a full view of this guys a*****e.
Him and his family all had the audacity to gasp and heckle when contempt of court got added...
#23
I was doing a pupillage and was sat in the court for someone accused of a*****t and robbery. The defendant was accused of stealing an old lady’s jewellery and beating her up to get it. Of course that’s awful, but the stupid thing about it (and this was a key piece of evidence) is that the defendant wrote in her diary “I’m going to f**k this old lady up, I don’t give a f**k”. Who thinks to even write that?!
I also sat in on a grievous bodily harm case where someone seriously injured someone else, nearly k*****g them, by running them over with their car... over the fact that he owed him £10.
#24
Saw a guy argue to the court that he shouldn’t have to pay for his hair transplant because “it didn’t take,” as he leaned down and pointed to his mostly bald head. The judge smiled and said he had more hair than the court and had not met his burden of proof.
#25
Covering a trial for the local radio station. Man was being tried for m****r. The victim had faked his own d***h two years earlier and had been hiding in the woods since. So essentially k****d a person already thought to be d**d. Highlight of the trial was when the Commonwealth Attorney ask the defendant how the victim ended up being st*bbed.
Denfendant "He was drunk and fell on my knife."
Commonwealth Attorney "How drunk do you have to be to fall on a knife seventeen times?".
Upstaged75 14 hours ago
"Then he ran into my knife. He ran into my knife TEN TIMES." 🎵 He had it coming. He had it coming. He only had himself to blame. 🎵
#26
I was a witness (for the prosecution) in a case where the defense attorney was probably doing his first jury trial. He kept doing crazy tv lawyer stuff. Multiple times when he asked me a question, he yelled "Are you aware you're under oath?" He did the same thing when my wife testified. They had to clear the courtroom at least four times for the judge to yell at him.
The guy actually did it, but his lawyer was so incompetent, he just didn't have a chance. I talked to him years later. He was getting an outside lawyer to appeal the conviction. It was a court martial, so good luck with that.
#27
Watched a guy sitting in d**g court Fall asleep, start snoring, then suddenly burst out this lions roar yell/growl Judge called him up and asked if he was on anything. No your honor just tired from working overnight (it's 3pm)
His probation officer decided to pee test him. Being the only male in the courtroom, I was elected the one to take him to the bathroom and witness him pee in a cup. Tested positive for 2-3 things. He was sanctioned 5 nights in jail for lying to the judge and had to restart the program from the beginning. (He was pretty close to being on the last step)
Another time, on a revocation docket, we were sitting waiting on the jail defendants to be brought up. We were filling out some continuance motions and we hear this loud hiss and exhale. The lone guy in the galley had decided to take the biggest hit off his vape, right there in court. Judge was furious, ordered him up to the bench, he started crying stating it went off in his hand... The vape cloud was the full length of the 15' bench. He went to jail for contempt... We're not sure what he was there for though.
#28
Observing a family case. Two high-priced attorneys having a custody battle over a cat. The judge humored this pretty well, but when they pulled out pet psychologist reports and talked about the pet's belongings, the judge kinda lost it (no provision for pets as anything but property in our state).
#29
A family case. Pro se litigant sits at the table in front of me. Before the judge comes out, I hear thumps like something being poured on the table. This gets my attention, and I start watching her. I see her set down a silk cloth. I see her reaching and finding polished stones that she starts arranging on the cloth. About then, I notice the tissue box with phrases written in a foreign language sitting in front of her and realize it isn't the standard court issued tissue box. I notice the unlit candle sitting next to it. As the judge comes out, I'm googling the phrases to see that this woman has effectively set up a Buddhist shrine in the courtroom for her divorce trial.
#30
I liked it when the clerk was calling a foreclosure case involving Deutsche Bank but pronounced it “D****e Bank.” Maybe she’d had her own problems with them.
#31
Not a lawyer, but I will never forget that episode of Judge Judy. A man denied stealing someone’s wallet with nearly $200 in it.
The man accidentally fessed up and said there was only 80 when he had it.
#32
Not necessarily in the courtroom, but I had a client accused of some...rather aggressive behavior, is the nicest way to put it.
During their deposition this client frequently, and despite my many attempts to calm them, resorted to this aggressive behavior.
Client did not get the settlement they wanted. Many subsequent tantrums were thrown.
#33
I was on the stand, testifying in my own defense. Then the a*****e defense attorney calls attention to one of my tattoos, which he thought said something malevolent about the victim, because he couldn't read German. I had to explain things to the jury.
#34
Not a lawyer
My Grandma threatened, while inside the courtroom, to sue her lawyer for misrepresentation, then stormed out, after not getting the result she wanted.
She is a bit kooky.
#35
A [bare] man taking off with a city bus getting charged for grand theft auto. As GTA requires some element of intent to profit, this was transparently ridiculous and got taken off the charge.
#36
We represent what has to be a billionaire, he’s like mid 80s (and his companies). We had a settlement conference, dude exclaimed to the judge that he was “too f*****g old and too f*****g rich” to put up with this b******t.
Judge threatens to throw the partner (im a low level associate) in jail. Amount of money this dude pays us, my partner isn’t backing down and basically doubles up what the client said. Ppl calm down. Partner tells every new associate that story within an hour.
Said partner once also sharted his pants on the way to a hearing once after having four protein bars for breakfast. Also very proud of his subsequent commando court appearance.
#37
Most of my clients are mentally ill. I do mostly civil and criminal mental health related work.
In my jurisdiction, an application by a (civilly) involuntarily detained person for a review of their detention must be heard within 2 weeks of the application. No matter what. So I am often in the position of managing clients who are unwell, including experiencing psychotic episodes etc. Direct examinations can be very... interesting.
My most memorable review board hearing involved my client giving an impromptu demonstration of how they came to be arrested under the mental health act.
There was p**p involved.
.... just another day at the office.
#38
Maybe it’s not ridiculous, but when I was working as a translator in a court, the accused were telling how he k****d his daughter in law and partition of her body with such pleasure like he was dealing with pineapple. And I had to translate it :(.
#39
Not any of those but one time in divorce court this couple who'd broken up years before went on forever about how neither would get a job so they didn't have to pay the other.
My ex and I texted each other to just agree and get the f**k out.
#40
During my clerkship we had a heated custody battle. Father testifies that the son worships satan. In some weird ritual, the son beat himself up and then covered a goat skull in his blood. W*F.
#41
I don’t work in a court, but in high school I did a job shadow with a clerk. We got to sit in on a few trials, one of which was a custody hearing. From what I got during it this couple was always in and out with the father trying to prove that the mother was no good for their daughter and she needed to live with him. What struck me most, and has stayed with me almost twenty years was the following:
Man: She hasn’t even taught her to wipe her b**t yet! She’s five! I brought the pair of underwear she wore to my house last time and it is covered in skid marks!
Judge: Sir, please get that out of my courtroom.
#42
My last boss is current inducted for trying to overturn the election in Georgia. Does that count?
#43
My opposing counsels teeth fell out mid-closing statement
Criminal defendant was mad his case was taking too long to call, charged the judge, and got tazed and broke his clavicle.
#44
Best story I have
I am clerking and to get paid for a day the judge is at a CLE, I am helping out at the municipal court across the street. I walk in just as a solicitation case is called. City prosecutor runs through her evidence about this guy being busted with a street walker in his car behind a Salvation Army store. Pretty cut n dry except the street walker says they didn’t have s*x and she didn’t get money from him. Police officer says he didn’t see them having s*x either, but had picked her up already that week for the same thing so just assumed (paraphrasing because no cop actually says that but you get the idea). Now comes the funny part.
Instead of taking a win the defense attorney decides to go out in a blaze of glory with his whole prepared defense. He then goes into how his client is born again Christian and he was just giving her a ride in the rain while telling her about the lord Jesus Christ. The attorney calls three character witnesses to the stand, the defendant’s mother, priest, and boss. They testify he is born again and a caring person. The defense attorney then decided to call his client to the stand…
Client gives back the exact same lines and all is well until cross. The city prosecutor asks the defendant have you been convicted of solicitation with this exact woman a year ago. The answer is yes. Then she asks him if he paid her thirty dollars for oral s*x that day. He denies this… not that he got oral s*x but that he paid thirty dollars. It goes back and forth a bit and on the stand he declares that he never pays thirty dollars and that he only pays twenty dollars because he knows how to avoid getting ripped off. He says this on the stand in-front of his mother, priest and boss. Oh and the full courtroom and the judge.
I tell this story every time one of my clients wants to take the stand. Though I leave out the part where the judge declares that there isn’t any evidence of solicitation and declares him innocent.
Upstaged75 14 hours ago
CLE is Continuing Legal Education. Just like doctors (CME) lawyers have to do a certain amount of updated education activity every year to keep their license. (I work in CME)
#45
At an eviction docket i saw someone bring in a weapon, step past the bar into the well, plop down in the plaintiffs chair, jam his muddy boots all over the table like he was Rick James, then wander through the door into the court offices, whereupon about 10 seconds later there was a great commotion involving much obscenities yelled and lawful orders resisted, and he was tased.
They then dragged his a*s out through the crowded courtroom trussed up like a pig for roasting.
And we had the eviction docket.
#46
Was trying a toxic smoke exposure case for the defendant in Newark NJ. Plaintiff claimed she lost her sense of smell as a result of exposure to toxic fumes at workplace. I represented the roofing contractor and the "toxic fumes" were the smell of the liquid asphalt being applied to the flat roof of the office building where she worked.
Just so happens that back in the day, the Essex County Jail had an annex adjacent the courthouse. Apparently there was some unrest in the jail and the inmates were burning a mattress in protest of something. This was occurring during the trial, while plaintiff is on the witness stand and just got done testifying how she can no longer smell and how horribly it's effected her life. Sure enough, she takes a deep breath, does two strong sniffs and says "does anyone else smell something burning or is it just me"..... I laughed out loud.... Judge declared a mistrial. Plaintiff's counsel accepted a minimum settlement to avoid a retrial.
#47
A lawyer friend of mine tells a story about repeating a statement to the witness just to get him to say "that's what she said"... Multiple times. Opposing council was very confused when court recorder started laughing.
#48
A man appeared in our Child Support court for a 1st appearance on an order to show cause wearing a shirt that said "I'm not lazy. I just really don't like to work". He wisely requested court appointed counsel and got a continuance.
#49
Felony court. We must have had 200 defendants in there. Loooong day. Started at 8:00AM. Around 5:00PM dude walks into the back of the courtroom, collapses and starts, we later learn, ODing in the aisle (he was treated and released). In the commotion, multiple defendants start yelling “They was smoking that spice in the bathroom all day!” “Two of them!” “Him and… another guy!” We found Another Guy in the bathroom also ODing. He was ok eventually, too. Court continued until past 8:00PM.
Criminal trial. Witness started testifying normally then suddenly started narrating. He told us a blue box inside his head gave him constant instructions. We got a LOT of stories from that guy.
#51
Just starting as a public defender I found myself six weeks in the job trying a home invasion robbery with a potential life sentence. It went poorly until the victim when asked to id the assailant pointed at someone watching in the gallery.
Although my favorite might be the time I was trying some minor felony. The jury was deliberating but had a question. So I’m sitting at counsel table with my client and he wants to whisper something to me. So I lean over to listen and hear him say:
“You know what is awesome? Crack!”
Keeping a straight face is an underrated skill.
#53
1. Had my client’s ex call the court a Kangaroo court, yeah he lost the motion opposing mom’s move.
2. Was in court for contempt reviewing hearing. This judge was known to toss litigants who didn’t comply with the order or at least try to in jail. Her parting comment has always been. “We are setting this review hearing on Friday such and such date and if you don’t comply, bring your toothbrush, see you then”.
Any event I have my client and I made sure he complied and which he did. The guy before us didn’t and he knew he didn’t but thought the judge was kidding.
The hearing is going on and then the judge takes a brief pause. The dude bolts out of the court house, runs down 5 flights of stairs with the deputy behind him.
Usually there are 3 to 4 deputy ready to take you into custody but since the two who had taken the previous person had returned yet, there was only the court room deputy.
I would razz the deputy ever time I saw him about this.
3. Family court, contempt failure to pay child support. Judge asks the guy why he hasn’t paid any support. He straight up tells the court, “she knew what kind of person I was. She knew I ran in the street and wanted to lay down with me. She got what she wanted”.
#54
Expert witness showed up to trial s*******d hammered. Wound up in chambers with judge crying his eyes out because his wife recently passed away. Almost equally insane judge was basically screaming holding his hands that god will give him strength to get through this. He testified that day and apparently did a good job because jury awarded 7 figures on a case we thought was a goose egg. After he testifies he fell asleep on the sidewalk in front of the courthouse. Legit, true story. So much more to it. Unreal.
#55
(The case my dad was on) (I'm not a lawyer) A woman... accused a man of r**e... the man... is in a wheel chair... and is missing one arm. ✨idiot✨.
Rinso The Red 2 hours ago
That literally means nothing. The drummer from Def Leppard was convicted of beating his girlfriend with one arm.
#56
Court reporter. Had a basketball players ex who has made argue after 10 years in the NBA and earning over $50, 000, 000 in that period to the point he wasn't good enough argue that he wasn't earning his true potential and wanted the judge to increase her child support and support and section 7 expenses. He had already gave her a Million Dollar house, cars, she got a huge settlement and he was paying her $26, 000 a month for school , clothes classes and she felt he could be earning more so he should be paying her $35, 000 a month. Judge denied her request, she acted like a pouty brat and stormed out.
What do you think ?
Earonn - 5 hours ago
Be careful in British courts. I saw this as a juror: witness makes their statement. Defence repeats it but changes one small but important detail. Witness who had been crying from the stress of the trial looks up and protests loudly. During the course of the trial, the statement was repeated a few times by the defence - wrongly. In the final address to the court, the judge also repeats the wrong detail. I still regret not to have spoken up. The person on trial, accused of several accounts of se.xual misconduct (though not ra.pe), gets away scot free partly because of this (the other part was that half of the jury couldn't be ar.sed to listen, didn't know what corroboration means and voted (!) against getting someone in to explain it, because it was a Friday afternoon and they wanted to go into their weekend). Apparently, none of this was illegal. Just in case you expect 'justice' from British courts....
Fellfromthemoon 3 hours ago
I think this "judged by peers" system is obsolete. All of the cases are based on a lot of expert analyses that can (and will) be misrepresented. If you remember O.J. Simpson was claimed not guilty because his lawyer could ask about how individual a genetic fringerprint is. Well, it is one in a hundred million; therefore, there might be another man in the USA with the same genetic fingerprint. Hence, nobody can it surely say, which one attacked O.J.'s divorced wife and her partner: the former husband, or a rando.
Load More Replies... Earonn - 5 hours ago
Be careful in British courts. I saw this as a juror: witness makes their statement. Defence repeats it but changes one small but important detail. Witness who had been crying from the stress of the trial looks up and protests loudly. During the course of the trial, the statement was repeated a few times by the defence - wrongly. In the final address to the court, the judge also repeats the wrong detail. I still regret not to have spoken up. The person on trial, accused of several accounts of se.xual misconduct (though not ra.pe), gets away scot free partly because of this (the other part was that half of the jury couldn't be ar.sed to listen, didn't know what corroboration means and voted (!) against getting someone in to explain it, because it was a Friday afternoon and they wanted to go into their weekend). Apparently, none of this was illegal. Just in case you expect 'justice' from British courts....
Fellfromthemoon 3 hours ago
I think this "judged by peers" system is obsolete. All of the cases are based on a lot of expert analyses that can (and will) be misrepresented. If you remember O.J. Simpson was claimed not guilty because his lawyer could ask about how individual a genetic fringerprint is. Well, it is one in a hundred million; therefore, there might be another man in the USA with the same genetic fingerprint. Hence, nobody can it surely say, which one attacked O.J.'s divorced wife and her partner: the former husband, or a rando.
Load More Replies...
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