Guy Gets Uninvited From His Best Friend’s Wedding Over Her Jealous Fiancé, Doesn’t Want To Let Them Have The Wedding On His Property Anymore
Weddings can cause a fair amount of drama, especially if there’s an ex and some jealousy involved in the story. But entitlement is what usually takes the cake and turns an awkward situation into something even more bizarre.
Take redditor Weddingproperty’s post on the AITA subreddit as the perfect example of how some happy couples don’t have a sense of boundaries and think that everyone should dance to their tune, come hell or high water. The redditor explained how an ex, Carla, and her fiancé, Rick, wanted to have their wedding ceremony on his lovely, large, open property.
Sounds a bit awkward, but heck, we’re all adults, right? We can get past this! However, Rick only recently found out that the redditor and Carla had dated way back. In a fit of jealousy, he uninvited the redditor and that should’ve been that. However, Rick and Carla still wanted to have their wedding at the man’s property! And that’s when the minor drama turned major. All because Carla kept a secret from her partner.
Have a read through the full tale, dear Pandas, and share your verdict in the comments. Oh, and Bored Panda had a quick chat with a relationship expert about how to defuse toxic fights that eat away at the foundations of a relationship. Learning how to cool down and stay calm can protect both parties from a lot of stress. And, by extension, it prevents your guests from soaking up the fallout from your lack of communication.
A couple uninvited one of their guests but still wants to have their wedding on his property. He refused
Image credits: Álvaro CvG (not the actual photo)
Relationship coach Alex Scot told Bored Panda that when you’re in a fight or a tough spot in a relationship that makes you so angry you want to shut down all communication with your partner, you have to focus on self-soothing.
“When we take the time to calm our nervous systems, we are actually allowing our brains to access the prefrontal cortex—the section of the brain in charge of logical decision-making—which goes offline when we are emotionally flooded. A great way to go about this (and the tactic I teach to my clients) is to request a time-out,” the expert said, pointing out that good communication helps avoid drama, toxicity, and serious relationship problems. Pulling back for a moment and collecting yourself is healthy in the long run.
“This means saying something like, ‘I’m feeling really emotional right now, and would like to take a break. Give me 45 minutes to calm down and we can come back to this.’ If your partner has an anxious attachment style this can feel like potential abandonment at first, so be prepared to reassure them, give them a time frame, and come back when that time is up,” Alex explained.
And if Rick and Carla could have solved their issue of her being the redditor’s ex with less drama, it’s very likely that the original poster wouldn’t have been uninvited and wouldn’t have to be dealing with the emotional fallout of a secret.
Redditor Weddingproperty shared how he was being pressured by the happy couple, as well as by a few friends, to still give his home to them for the wedding. Frankly, that sounds like a lot to ask from someone who got uninvited.
There doesn’t seem to be any thoughts of sabotage running through the original poster’s mind—he simply doesn’t want to be driven out of his own home, letting guests run wild.
It’s a delicate situation, but personally, I believe that the redditor is definitely within his legal, moral, and socially ethical rights to refuse the bride and groom’s request. And plenty of redditors believe so, too. But I’m very interested in what you Pandas have to say. Would you have done things differently? How would you have acted if you were in the redditor’s shoes?
Here’s what some people had to say about the wedding drama
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I'm also kinda confused about "the least I can do after everything". What is everything? Dating his fiancee when she was single and didn't even know about Rick's existence?
Yes he should have known that Rick was her future husband, the bozo.
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Tell them you've listed your property on AirBNB and they can book it through the website. Then list your place for $10,000 per night.
Good lord, his future wife dared to have a life before him, what a shame is that! And of course that's all her ex boyfriends fault... Rick has major trust issues, a total lack of common sense and if you need couple counselling even before the wedding, you might as well call it off... (and I would never leave the house unattended, god knows what drunken wedding guests might do to the place)
Not sure about your comment about couples counselling (these two definitely should call it off). I suspect if more couples had counselling before the wedding there would be less divorces.
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NTA but "Rick" definitely is. Still having insecurities about a relationship his future wife had several years ago PLUS wanting to use someone's property without them being there or even their consent are two good signs of mental instability.
And it's not as though OP is single and is going to steal Carla away from Rick. What is this? 8th grade?
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This is so crazy that I almost admire Rick's super natural levels of self of entitlement. I mean who demands that a guy leave his own house so that he could use it himself to throw a wedding? "I don't want that man anywhere near my wife, just tell him to leave the key under the mat and to go for a drive for a few hours"
Plus... he's angry with OP and wants OP to give him access to his property... I mean, who would give their key to someone who's hating/angry with them? who would take the risk to have their house trash???
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I am always confused about the other people that are mentioned and are bugging the poor beleaguered poster. It is simply a weird and offensive request! What is ti with American weddings and these bizarre ideas that future couples can demand anything that crosses their mind??
I don’t know. It wasn’t always like that. Most people had small ceremonies and backyard receptions, unless their combined families were just too large. Then they just rented the hall at the local VFW, or Moose Lodge, or wherever someone in the family was a member and could get a good price. Hell, my husband and I just gathered up a couple friends and went to the courthouse, then were treated to a champagne dinner afterward. One of our friends even handed us the keys to her beach house for our honeymoon (we were just going to go home, lock the door, and take the phone off the hook for a week). Not a huge crowd, not a huge expense. Hell, I don’t have an engagement ring; we both just wear our gold bands. We also just celebrated our 20th anniversary. The marriage is the important part, not the wedding.
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Tell them, OK you can have the wedding here. But you need to have insurance, get a bond and pay me rent of 10,000 bucks AND sign a contract drawn up by my lawyer that you will NOT hold me or my family responsible for ANY accidents, deaths, losses or unforeseen actions.
I would've required insurance for the day anyway, before all this went down.
Load More Replies... There were several people at my wedding that I had had previous physical relationships with, and my wife knew about them and it was no problem. Heck, I had sex with my best man's wife (before they were married). Grow up, dude.
I had coffee alone with my.oartnerd ex and many times lunch the three of us. Why wouldnt we? They were friends for years after dating. If i didnt trust him i wouldnt be dating him
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The other reason I would want to stay is to keep an eye on the place. No way would I want a load of strangers traipsing around my property without me and my other half being there to to make sure things go smoothly and people behave themselves. Plus, what about if there was an accident? No insurance company would pay up if there was an accident and somebody sued and the insurance company realised that the owners weren't there.
With "Rick's" irrationally hostile view of the OP, I'd wouldn't be surprised if he intentionally caused damage to the property and/or belongings of the owners. I'm really hoping this wedding never happens (poor Carla!!!) but if it does it sure AF should be at a different venue.
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your house => your home => your safe place. ditch rick and carla if they don't respect that
Rick doesn't respect that, Carla seems like she does.
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If this doesn’t scream red flag, idk what does. Carla needs to cut those strings now while she can
I do believe that uninviting someone from your wedding INCLUDES no longer being able to use their property as the wedding venue. So, unless they paid them the going rate (maybe with a small “friends and family” discount), and have a binding contract to use the space, then I suggest they—-or specifically HE—-start looking for an alternate venue (pending her approval of it, of course). Like NOW. Better yet, she should dump him and find a good man instead of an asshole.
It's a bit odd that Carla didn't mention dating this guy. She had nothing to be ashamed of, but it was worth a mention, all things condsidered. The wedding needs a new venue.
Carla, after everything:'See? That's why I didn't want to tell he was my ex'.
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It's possible that the friend mentioned it without thinking that the groom would get unreasonably jealous (such as someone saying, "It's nice that you're on good terms with your fiance's exes"). Equally possible that you're right and the friend had some not-so-innocent motivations.
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Rick wants the wedding there as a petty "victory" over the ex (the OP), IMO, and this is why staying friends with some exes is *never* a good idea. There's a reason you broke up, after all.
I have family members like this. They would expect me to give the house! What is in your brain???
It amazes me when these situations have clear and cut solutions. First, say no. Second, say hell no if they pester you about it. Third, say f**k you and close the book of that chapter of your life and move on.
I will be fine being uninvited considering the situation, how close is wedding date and will suck it up for a friend, what I am not ok with in any situation is to be expected to not be at my own home when there are going to be many people.
Why didn't she tell her fiancé they dated in the first place? That's an odd thing to keep a secret. My maid of honor was dating my ex's best friend. When my husbands friend declined my ex's best friend became the best man and it worked out for the best! We all got along great! My husband knows I married him, that's why they're exes.
Just let them know if they want to use your house and not invite you, there is now a renters fee. $5000 to use the property from x hour to y hour, an extra $2500 for the house space. If D**k Rick really has a problem, then he can fork over costs.
Or make them put down a huge deposit to cover possible damages, if they want to muck around with the house and property while the owner isn't present. Do you think $10-25K would be enough?
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This guy has a lot more patience than I. I would have pretended to begrudgingly say yes and then when the big day came and people started showing up, politely say "Uh... what is this? Get off my property or I will call the police" Then again, I can be a vindictive bastard when someone really messes with me. Hey, at least I'm aware of it ;P
I hope you wouldn’t mind me rolling up with a lawn chair and cooler, because that would be one satisfyingly entertaining show I’d hate to miss! Though I’d have Carla give her guests a heads up (they’d probably be really cool, and want to stay and help you out anyway), and leave only Rick and his guests totally in the dark.
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Easy solution m, if they are going to treat your home as a weddings venue the send them a bill including hefty security deposit incase of damage to property
Wow, Rick is not only TA but he sounds like a bit of a head case as well. Not only is he irrationally jealous, but for him to expect you to clear out of your own home to allow them to have their wedding reception there after rudely uninviting you is pretty over-the-top. And if I was Carla, I would cut and run as fast as I could.
What is it with people who cause a sh*tstorm and then after run to their friends for validation? Eff them hard!
I want to know what happened after. Did the wedding go on as planned and OP was allowed on his own property or did Rick and Carla break up?
It's real simple. You tell them in no uncertain terms that if they want to use your home and property you will be attending the wedding regardless if Rick is uncomfortable about it. You tell them it is non-negotiable. They are saving a boatload of money by not having to pay for a venue. Many thousands I'm sure. The only other option if you were agreeable would be to tell them they now have to pay for a security service inside and out to ensure security and that no one goes anywhere off-limits. They will also have to pay for an after-event cleaning crew. If they want to treat your property like a venue? Then they can pay you as if it is. No matter what happens, that friendship is over. Rick has nuked it. And couples therapy over that? Rick is not marriage material for anyone as he is too emotionally immature. Everyone has a past...
Oh wow! Did Rick really think he could have their wedding at the home of someone he's uninvited from the wedding? Delusional at best, looking for a way out of the relationship that doesn't make him look bad at worst.
Lord Bubuza is spiritually gifted and deserves to be recognized by the world. He is perfect in solving relationship issues with his spell. I sent my wife packing because I cut her cheating on me, I was hurt but I didn't want to lose her so I searched for help on the internet and I saw how people were testifying and thanking Lord Bubuza. Some thanked him for reuniting their relationship, canceling their divorce, winning the lottery, Cured cancer with his herbs, ETC so I contacted him via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396 and told him my problems. He responded and promised to help me with his spell, I provided all he requested and I was overwhelmed because my wife came back crying and begging me on her knees to forgive and accept her back and ever since I forgave her, she has stopped cheating. Lord Bubuza Can help you too. Contact him via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396 or via e-mail: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hotmail . com ,,,
Lord Bubuza is spiritually gifted and deserves to be recognized by the world. He is perfect in solving relationship issues with his spell. I sent my wife packing because I cut her cheating on me, I was hurt but I didn't want to lose her so I searched for help on the internet and I saw how people were testifying and thanking Lord Bubuza. Some thanked him for reuniting their relationship, canceling their divorce, winning the lottery, Cured cancer with his herbs, ETC so I contacted him via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396 and told him my problems. He responded and promised to help me with his spell, I provided all he requested and I was overwhelmed because my wife came back crying and begging me on her knees to forgive and accept her back and ever since I forgave her, she has stopped cheating. Lord Bubuza Can help you too. Contact him via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396 or via e-mail: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hotmail . com
Knowing that the woman you love had sex with other people before you, in my opinion, is different than actually meeting those people who have f**ked her before you. If you dont want to be friends with some guy who "have been there before" i totally understand. Claiming their place for your wedding is not ok.
The person who told the OP that Carla was declaring her love was a third party s**t stirrer. It may not even be true.
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I disagree. It was not his obligation to ask if Rick knew, not at all. It is Carla who is in a relationship with Rick and it is Carlas decision whether to inform Rick about her sexual past or not. I myself would simply have assumed Rick knew as I (and it sounds like OP too) do not live in a world, where past relationships are a problem. Another jerk is the friend, who told him Carla was still in love with OP when she started dating Rick.That was no one elses place to do. As for still using their house: Rick needs to get his head examined.
Load More Replies... I'm also kinda confused about "the least I can do after everything". What is everything? Dating his fiancee when she was single and didn't even know about Rick's existence?
Yes he should have known that Rick was her future husband, the bozo.
Load More Replies... Tell them you've listed your property on AirBNB and they can book it through the website. Then list your place for $10,000 per night.
Good lord, his future wife dared to have a life before him, what a shame is that! And of course that's all her ex boyfriends fault... Rick has major trust issues, a total lack of common sense and if you need couple counselling even before the wedding, you might as well call it off... (and I would never leave the house unattended, god knows what drunken wedding guests might do to the place)
Not sure about your comment about couples counselling (these two definitely should call it off). I suspect if more couples had counselling before the wedding there would be less divorces.
Load More Replies... NTA but "Rick" definitely is. Still having insecurities about a relationship his future wife had several years ago PLUS wanting to use someone's property without them being there or even their consent are two good signs of mental instability.
And it's not as though OP is single and is going to steal Carla away from Rick. What is this? 8th grade?
Load More Replies... This is so crazy that I almost admire Rick's super natural levels of self of entitlement. I mean who demands that a guy leave his own house so that he could use it himself to throw a wedding? "I don't want that man anywhere near my wife, just tell him to leave the key under the mat and to go for a drive for a few hours"
Plus... he's angry with OP and wants OP to give him access to his property... I mean, who would give their key to someone who's hating/angry with them? who would take the risk to have their house trash???
Load More Replies... I am always confused about the other people that are mentioned and are bugging the poor beleaguered poster. It is simply a weird and offensive request! What is ti with American weddings and these bizarre ideas that future couples can demand anything that crosses their mind??
I don’t know. It wasn’t always like that. Most people had small ceremonies and backyard receptions, unless their combined families were just too large. Then they just rented the hall at the local VFW, or Moose Lodge, or wherever someone in the family was a member and could get a good price. Hell, my husband and I just gathered up a couple friends and went to the courthouse, then were treated to a champagne dinner afterward. One of our friends even handed us the keys to her beach house for our honeymoon (we were just going to go home, lock the door, and take the phone off the hook for a week). Not a huge crowd, not a huge expense. Hell, I don’t have an engagement ring; we both just wear our gold bands. We also just celebrated our 20th anniversary. The marriage is the important part, not the wedding.
Load More Replies... Tell them, OK you can have the wedding here. But you need to have insurance, get a bond and pay me rent of 10,000 bucks AND sign a contract drawn up by my lawyer that you will NOT hold me or my family responsible for ANY accidents, deaths, losses or unforeseen actions.
I would've required insurance for the day anyway, before all this went down.
Load More Replies... There were several people at my wedding that I had had previous physical relationships with, and my wife knew about them and it was no problem. Heck, I had sex with my best man's wife (before they were married). Grow up, dude.
I had coffee alone with my.oartnerd ex and many times lunch the three of us. Why wouldnt we? They were friends for years after dating. If i didnt trust him i wouldnt be dating him
Load More Replies... The other reason I would want to stay is to keep an eye on the place. No way would I want a load of strangers traipsing around my property without me and my other half being there to to make sure things go smoothly and people behave themselves. Plus, what about if there was an accident? No insurance company would pay up if there was an accident and somebody sued and the insurance company realised that the owners weren't there.
With "Rick's" irrationally hostile view of the OP, I'd wouldn't be surprised if he intentionally caused damage to the property and/or belongings of the owners. I'm really hoping this wedding never happens (poor Carla!!!) but if it does it sure AF should be at a different venue.
Load More Replies... your house => your home => your safe place. ditch rick and carla if they don't respect that
Rick doesn't respect that, Carla seems like she does.
Load More Replies... If this doesn’t scream red flag, idk what does. Carla needs to cut those strings now while she can
I do believe that uninviting someone from your wedding INCLUDES no longer being able to use their property as the wedding venue. So, unless they paid them the going rate (maybe with a small “friends and family” discount), and have a binding contract to use the space, then I suggest they—-or specifically HE—-start looking for an alternate venue (pending her approval of it, of course). Like NOW. Better yet, she should dump him and find a good man instead of an asshole.
It's a bit odd that Carla didn't mention dating this guy. She had nothing to be ashamed of, but it was worth a mention, all things condsidered. The wedding needs a new venue.
Carla, after everything:'See? That's why I didn't want to tell he was my ex'.
Load More Replies... It's possible that the friend mentioned it without thinking that the groom would get unreasonably jealous (such as someone saying, "It's nice that you're on good terms with your fiance's exes"). Equally possible that you're right and the friend had some not-so-innocent motivations.
Load More Replies... Rick wants the wedding there as a petty "victory" over the ex (the OP), IMO, and this is why staying friends with some exes is *never* a good idea. There's a reason you broke up, after all.
I have family members like this. They would expect me to give the house! What is in your brain???
It amazes me when these situations have clear and cut solutions. First, say no. Second, say hell no if they pester you about it. Third, say f**k you and close the book of that chapter of your life and move on.
I will be fine being uninvited considering the situation, how close is wedding date and will suck it up for a friend, what I am not ok with in any situation is to be expected to not be at my own home when there are going to be many people.
Why didn't she tell her fiancé they dated in the first place? That's an odd thing to keep a secret. My maid of honor was dating my ex's best friend. When my husbands friend declined my ex's best friend became the best man and it worked out for the best! We all got along great! My husband knows I married him, that's why they're exes.
Just let them know if they want to use your house and not invite you, there is now a renters fee. $5000 to use the property from x hour to y hour, an extra $2500 for the house space. If D**k Rick really has a problem, then he can fork over costs.
Or make them put down a huge deposit to cover possible damages, if they want to muck around with the house and property while the owner isn't present. Do you think $10-25K would be enough?
Load More Replies... This guy has a lot more patience than I. I would have pretended to begrudgingly say yes and then when the big day came and people started showing up, politely say "Uh... what is this? Get off my property or I will call the police" Then again, I can be a vindictive bastard when someone really messes with me. Hey, at least I'm aware of it ;P
I hope you wouldn’t mind me rolling up with a lawn chair and cooler, because that would be one satisfyingly entertaining show I’d hate to miss! Though I’d have Carla give her guests a heads up (they’d probably be really cool, and want to stay and help you out anyway), and leave only Rick and his guests totally in the dark.
Load More Replies... Easy solution m, if they are going to treat your home as a weddings venue the send them a bill including hefty security deposit incase of damage to property
Wow, Rick is not only TA but he sounds like a bit of a head case as well. Not only is he irrationally jealous, but for him to expect you to clear out of your own home to allow them to have their wedding reception there after rudely uninviting you is pretty over-the-top. And if I was Carla, I would cut and run as fast as I could.
What is it with people who cause a sh*tstorm and then after run to their friends for validation? Eff them hard!
I want to know what happened after. Did the wedding go on as planned and OP was allowed on his own property or did Rick and Carla break up?
It's real simple. You tell them in no uncertain terms that if they want to use your home and property you will be attending the wedding regardless if Rick is uncomfortable about it. You tell them it is non-negotiable. They are saving a boatload of money by not having to pay for a venue. Many thousands I'm sure. The only other option if you were agreeable would be to tell them they now have to pay for a security service inside and out to ensure security and that no one goes anywhere off-limits. They will also have to pay for an after-event cleaning crew. If they want to treat your property like a venue? Then they can pay you as if it is. No matter what happens, that friendship is over. Rick has nuked it. And couples therapy over that? Rick is not marriage material for anyone as he is too emotionally immature. Everyone has a past...
Oh wow! Did Rick really think he could have their wedding at the home of someone he's uninvited from the wedding? Delusional at best, looking for a way out of the relationship that doesn't make him look bad at worst.
Lord Bubuza is spiritually gifted and deserves to be recognized by the world. He is perfect in solving relationship issues with his spell. I sent my wife packing because I cut her cheating on me, I was hurt but I didn't want to lose her so I searched for help on the internet and I saw how people were testifying and thanking Lord Bubuza. Some thanked him for reuniting their relationship, canceling their divorce, winning the lottery, Cured cancer with his herbs, ETC so I contacted him via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396 and told him my problems. He responded and promised to help me with his spell, I provided all he requested and I was overwhelmed because my wife came back crying and begging me on her knees to forgive and accept her back and ever since I forgave her, she has stopped cheating. Lord Bubuza Can help you too. Contact him via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396 or via e-mail: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hotmail . com ,,,
Lord Bubuza is spiritually gifted and deserves to be recognized by the world. He is perfect in solving relationship issues with his spell. I sent my wife packing because I cut her cheating on me, I was hurt but I didn't want to lose her so I searched for help on the internet and I saw how people were testifying and thanking Lord Bubuza. Some thanked him for reuniting their relationship, canceling their divorce, winning the lottery, Cured cancer with his herbs, ETC so I contacted him via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396 and told him my problems. He responded and promised to help me with his spell, I provided all he requested and I was overwhelmed because my wife came back crying and begging me on her knees to forgive and accept her back and ever since I forgave her, she has stopped cheating. Lord Bubuza Can help you too. Contact him via WhatsApp: +1 505 569 0396 or via e-mail: lordbubuzamiraclework @ hotmail . com
Knowing that the woman you love had sex with other people before you, in my opinion, is different than actually meeting those people who have f**ked her before you. If you dont want to be friends with some guy who "have been there before" i totally understand. Claiming their place for your wedding is not ok.
The person who told the OP that Carla was declaring her love was a third party s**t stirrer. It may not even be true.
Load More Replies... I disagree. It was not his obligation to ask if Rick knew, not at all. It is Carla who is in a relationship with Rick and it is Carlas decision whether to inform Rick about her sexual past or not. I myself would simply have assumed Rick knew as I (and it sounds like OP too) do not live in a world, where past relationships are a problem. Another jerk is the friend, who told him Carla was still in love with OP when she started dating Rick.That was no one elses place to do. As for still using their house: Rick needs to get his head examined.
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