“I’m Sorry You’re Upset”: MIL Destroys Garden, Wife Returns To Ruins And Tears

A garden can take years to nurture and shape into something that feels like your own. Throughout that process, it becomes more than just plants and soil—it’s a portrait of your home and the work that goes into building it.

Everyone has their own vision of how a garden should look, which is why any uninvited change can feel deeply disruptive.

Reddit user Tragic-Mushroom shared a story on r/TwoHotTakes that left many stunned and sympathetic: after returning from a holiday, the woman realized her mother-in-law, who was supposed to take care of her dog, had also done some landscaping and completely changed how the yard looked.

Gardening isn’t just a hobby, it’s a personal endeavor we get really attached to

Middle-aged couple gardening outdoors, woman holding watering can and man with wheelbarrow, illustrating garden landscaping.

Image credits: wavebreakmedia_micro / freepik (not the actual photo)

So, when someone takes it upon themselves to change our garden, it feels like an invasion of our space

Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped garden without permission while dog sitting for a week.

Woman returns from vacation to find mother-in-law landscaped her garden without permission or consent.

Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission, showing paved areas and flower beds.

Garden showing removed tree stump and newly landscaped shrubs and flowers after woman returns from vacation.

Roses cut to stumps and bare trellis showing garden “landscaped” by MIL without permission.

Garden showing cut back trees and removed flowers after woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped without permission.

Older man pruning tree branches outside, illustrating MIL landscaped garden without permission after woman's vacation return

Image credits: gpointstudio / freepik (not the actual photo)

Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission, cutting tree to a stump.

Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission, causing unexpected changes in lawn and paving.

Text on a white background stating that nothing was discussed before leaving except asking MIL and FIL to care for their dog.

Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission, showing a patch on shed windows.

Woman returning from vacation shocked to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission, feeling upset and devastated.

Woman upset after returning from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission.

Image credits: Shaiith / freepik (not the actual photo)

Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission, showing unexpected garden changes.

Text message expressing frustration and sleeplessness over MIL landscaping garden without permission after vacation.

Image credits: Tragic-Mushroom

The relationship with your mother-in-law requires patience and effort

Image credits: RDNE Stock project / pexels (not the actual photo)

According to licensed relationship and sex therapist Michelle Herzog, LMFT, CST, it’s important to establish boundaries early on to maintain a healthy relationship with your mother-in-law. This includes communicating your needs and preferences respectfully and also being willing to compromise when necessary.

There’s a lot at stake here because “once you enter into a marriage, that relationship becomes the most important thing to protect from outside influences,” Herzog says.

With that in mind, you have to be patient with your mother-in-law and yourself. The therapist recommends striving to “approach challenges with empathy and understanding,” which “can especially be important when your new spouse has a complicated relationship with their family.”

“Whether it’s cooking, gardening, or watching a favorite TV show, finding common ground can help foster a deeper connection and create a deeper bond,” Herzog adds.

But there’s no guarantee it’ll work out

Image credits: Ivan Samkov / pexels (not the actual photo)

However, as we saw from this particular case, sometimes, things just don’t work out. Dr. Madeleine A. Fugère, a professor of social psychology at Eastern Connecticut State University, says one possible reason for this is a mother’s unconscious internalized discouragement of her son’s long-term relationships.

“For men, monogamous, long-term relationships may not have been desirable during most of their evolutionary history. According to evolutionary theory, men and women have differing optimal mating strategies to ensure that their genes are perpetuated through future generations,” she explains.

“Strictly evolutionarily speaking, a man’s best mating strategy may be a series of short-term relationships with different women in order to ensure that his genes will be passed on.”

“[While] a woman’s best strategy may be to find a mate who will provide for her over the long term and help to raise and care for future offspring … The interference of a mother-in-law in her son and daughter-in-law’s relationship may reflect a mother’s unconscious desire to help her son ‘spread his seed,'” Fugère says.

Whatever the actual reason for the disagreement might be, if tension arises, women shouldn’t try to fake a relationship that is just not there.

“Yes, they’re legally your parents-in-law, but are they really treating you like family?” asks Dr. Yvonne K. Fulbright, a certified sexuality educator and sexologist. “You don’t need to refer to your in-laws as ‘Dad’ or ‘Mother,’ if there is no intimacy or warmth that warrants the use of the terms.”

While initial attempts to engage them should be courteous, the problem with being too polite is that you don’t establish the necessary boundaries, and in turn, you aren’t able to communicate how deep the problems are and how troubled you are.

Most of the people who read the woman’s story believe her mother-in-law had no right to make all of those changes

Text conversation about a woman returning from vacation to find her mother-in-law landscaped her garden without permission.

Screenshot of an online conversation about a woman’s garden being landscaped by her mother-in-law without permission.

Woman returns from vacation and finds MIL landscaped her garden without permission, discussing boundaries enforcement.

Comment thread discussing a husband’s role after MIL landscaped garden without permission while wife was on vacation.

Commenter discussing anxiety and in-laws’ interference after woman’s garden was landscaped without permission.

Text excerpt discussing boundaries and conflicts after a woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission.

Text post discussing the woman returning from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission.

Reddit conversation about woman’s garden, resilience of roses after MIL landscaped without permission while on vacation.

Text post with user pixie-ann questioning a mother-in-law landscaping a garden without permission after a woman’s vacation.

Comment about husband needing landscaper to estimate repair costs after MIL landscaped garden without permission.

Gardener expresses anger over MIL landscaping garden without permission while woman was on vacation, feeling betrayed and hurt.

Comment discussing woman upset after MIL landscaped her garden without permission, showing passive-aggressive behavior advice.

Comment about woman’s garden landscaping by mother-in-law, discussing tree law and property damage costs estimate.

Woman returns from vacation to find mother-in-law landscaped her garden without permission, causing tension.

Woman upset after mother-in-law landscaped her garden without permission during vacation return

Comment discussing woman returning from vacation to find MIL landscaped garden without permission, advising on replacement costs.

Comment about woman upset after MIL landscaped her garden without permission, discussing overreach and need for communication.

Comment about MIL landscaping garden without permission, advising to get restoration estimates and address the issue.

Screenshot of a forum comment discussing a woman’s garden being landscaped by her mother-in-law without permission.

Comment from professional gardener reacting to MIL landscaping garden without permission, expressing strong disapproval.

Woman upset after mother-in-law landscaped her garden without permission during vacation return

Screenshot of a Reddit comment expressing sympathy for a woman whose garden was landscaped by her MIL without permission.

Commenter expressing outrage over MIL landscaping garden without permission, describing it as disrespectful and invasive behavior.

Comment expressing frustration about a woman’s garden being landscaped without permission by her MIL after vacation.

Comment about woman and husband needing to unite after MIL landscaped garden without permission, emphasizing home ownership.

Text comment discussing MIL landscaping a garden without permission, expressing frustration and demanding gardener payment.

Alt text: Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission, causing conflict over control and boundaries

Some, however, think the most important part is that the lady had good intentions

Comment discussing in-laws landscaping garden without permission and advising to move past the issue peacefully.

Text post with advice on dealing with MIL landscaping a garden without permission after vacation return

Hand holding a purple flower in a garden, representing a woman’s garden after MIL landscaped it without permission.

Image credits: vh-studio / freepik (not the actual photo)

Eventually, the woman confronted her mother-in-law about the garden

Text update thanking commenters for acknowledging the MIL landscaped garden without permission issue after vacation.

Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission, showing a large chopped-down tree.

Text on a white background about learning tree law and trying a blood and bone mixture to revive rose stumps in a garden.

Text excerpt about a MIL who extensively landscaped a garden without permission, showing boundary issues.

Text excerpt describing a mother-in-law who unexpectedly landscaped a garden without permission during a vacation.

Older woman in blue shirt gesturing with hands while sitting indoors, representing MIL landscaping garden without permission.

Image credits: gpointstudio / freepik (not the actual photo)

Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped garden without permission, causing family dispute and apology.

Text excerpt about a woman needing an apology after her MIL landscaped her garden without permission.

Text excerpt discussing MIL apologizing for landscaping and pruning a garden without permission, mentioning blackened branches inside.

Text excerpt discussing garden bug infestation and MIL’s firm belief about being bitten, related to landscaping disputes.

Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden without permission, causing surprise and frustration.

Woman gardening outdoors wearing a hat and gloves, holding pruning shears among blooming red roses.

Image credits: freepik (not the actual photo)

ALT text: Woman returns from vacation to find mother-in-law landscaped her garden without permission, causing issues with plants.

Text about a woman returning from vacation to find her mother-in-law landscaped her garden without permission.

Older woman affectionately hugging a golden retriever indoors, highlighting a woman’s garden landscaped without permission.

Image credits: tan4ikk / freepik (not the actual photo)

Woman returns from vacation to find mother-in-law landscaped her garden without permission causing family discussion.

Woman upset returning from vacation to find MIL landscaped her garden, cutting trees and flowering bushes heavily.

Text excerpt describing a woman’s feelings after her MIL landscaped her garden without permission during her vacation.

Text discussing a woman’s good relationship with MIL and FIL despite ongoing boundary issues related to their garden work.

Woman smiling with family around a dinner table, discussing MIL landscaping her garden without permission after vacation.

Image credits: syda_productions / freepik (not the actual photo)

Text excerpt about a woman’s garden being landscaped without permission by her mother-in-law while she was on vacation.

Woman returns from vacation to find MIL landscaped garden without permission, upset husband supports and comforts her.

Image credits: Tragic-Mushroom

And it sounded like she was avoiding responsibility

Text conversation about a mother-in-law not apologizing for landscaping garden without permission after vacation.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman’s MIL who landscaped her garden without permission after vacation.

Comment criticizing MIL's non-apology after landscaping woman's garden without permission during vacation.

Woman returns from vacation to find mother-in-law landscaped her garden without permission, causing garden surprise.

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