“I Thought This Was Crazy”: Woman Is Confused After She Gets A Bill From A Dinner Party Her Friend Hosted
Questions about money can test the foundations of even the strongest of friendships. Probably the last thing you want to do is to make your nearest and dearest feel like they’ve been ambushed with a bill when they were expecting to kick back and relax after your lovely get-together.
One Mumsnet user, ColdBrewInSummer, turned to the forum’s community for advice after she and her partner faced a very peculiar situation with their friends, who’d invited them over for dinner. After the intimate party, they got a message asking them to pay for the food. This took the guests completely by surprise! Scroll down for the full story, as well as how the internet reacted to it.
The hosts are usually expected to foot the bill for the food if they’re inviting people over to their place for a homecooked meal
Image credits: Askar Abayev (not the actual photo)
One couple was left seriously confused after their friends expected them to pay for their share of the meat and veggies
Image credits: ColdBrewInSummer
Image credits: Andrea Piacquadio (not the actual photo)
The author of the post later shared more info and gave an update on what happened next
The entire situation was very bizarre, and the guests felt very frustrated
Image credits: Karolina Grabowska (not the actual photo)
In her post and comments, Mumsnet user ColdBrewInSummer explained how the hosts wanted £20 each from her and her partner, to pay for the steaks and veggies. Here’s the twist: the guests were going to host the couple for dinner in a bit either way, so it was very unusual that they were asked to pay. Unfortunately, ColdBrewInSummer deactivated her account, so we were unable to reach out to her.
The OP ended up giving in and paying up in order to avoid conflict because they had a lot of mutual friends. However, from her comments, it was clear that she still found the entire situation very odd because, well, the bill was a bolt from the blue. There’d been no indication that everyone would be paying for themselves.
According to ColdBrewInSummer, her friends might be counting every penny because they’re “starting a business and struggling with that a little.” She mentions that “they seem to be reasonably well off” but things may be tight.
Food prices have soared over the past year in the UK
Many families in the United Kingdom are having to cut back as the cost of living crisis continues. Inflation stood at 10.1% in March 2023, meanwhile, the Bank of England has raised interest rates a dozen times to a whopping 4.5%. What this means, essentially, is that it’s more expensive to buy goods and take out loans. The purchasing power of Brits has gone down dramatically.
And the prices of many food items have gone completely bonkers. The BBC reports that the price of olive oil has risen by 49.2% and sugar is up 42.1%. Low-fat milk is 38.8% more expensive than a year ago in the UK, while whole milk is 37.9% costlier. The price of cheese and eggs has also risen by a third. And even frozen veggies are far costlier—with the exception of potatoes, they’re up 30.2%.
Meanwhile, beef is 14.8% more expensive than last year, so if you’re planning on having steaks, they’ll either bite a decent chunk out of your paycheck or you’ll have to settle for fewer, smaller cuts of meat.
There are more subtle ways for your guests to contribute to the dinner party
Image credits: Pixabay (not the actual photo)
However, no matter how expensive buying food becomes, it’s still a tad iffy to surprise your guests with a bill if you haven’t indicated that you expect them to contribute beforehand. It would be an entirely different story if, say, the hosts were open about how they might be struggling with money a bit and might need the cash. Though if they were invited over in turn, things would still kind of balance out in the end. Either way, honesty is the key here.
Some of the ways that you can subtly prod your guests into contributing to the party is by asking them to bring one dish each or to grab some drinks or snacks on the way to yours. If everyone’s sharing everything, it can create a very wholesome atmosphere. Not only that, it takes some of the pressure off the hosts so that they don’t spend the entire night in the kitchen.
Another approach would be to give everyone a heads-up that you’ll all be ordering pizza or take-out and that everyone should pitch in for what they order. After all, food might be great, but it’s the company that really makes or breaks any dinner party.
Many forum users reacted with disbelief and support for the author of the post. Here’s what they said
Meanwhile, other internet users shared similar stories and had more insights into the situation
This is so weird. A "dinner party" already implies that the hosts are covering the main meal; I've always assumed that the guests bring "extras", like wine, a dessert or something like that. To invite people over for dinner and then send them an "invoice" seems like blindsiding and almost bullying your friends into paying for something you're responsible for. I mean, if you tell people beforehand that you want everyone over but can't afford the cost, then I can see this as justified, but this just seems either shortsighted (they realized afterwards that they couldn't afford it) or they knew what they were doing. Either way, still terrible all the way around.
I've never been to a dinner party where guests pay for food, like sure I'll bring some wine or something for the host and hostess, but that's as a gift not as an ad-on to their meal. Not unless it's a potluck or something. If they do want you to pay that should be clarified beforehand, like "Hey guys we would love to host dinner but we're a bit short on money so if everyone could contribute some towards food we'll do the cooking." Or something like that
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Absolutely, this! That those people had the nerve to send a payment request already had my blood boiling. Then, OP goes on to say they paid because they want to keep the peace. And they're such good friends. Well off financially, too. No, they are not good friends. They're just petty, clueless, little people. OP is TA for paying and making excuses for bad behavior.
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If the amateur restaurateurs needed to save money, they could have hosted a potluck dinner.
Never heard of such a thing. If you were short you would either ask people to bring a dish, or do something cheaper. Not steak for instance.
Aside from the basic principle of the thing, £20 per meal seems very steep, unless the hosts were actually making a tidy profit.
This seems to have become a thing, as much as I see it on Reddit. However, it's full-on ride to do this and I'd both refuse to pay it and would call the person out for even doing it! I'd also never talk to them again. I'd also bill them for the wine.
Send them an invoice for the bottle of wine, petrol / Uber, and a per hourly rate for your visit.
Weird one. We’ve gone to friends for takeaway and offered to pay, Half or in full. But not for home cooked dinner party. I’d probably pay it but say you didn’t realise it was a thing. Also if you take turns hosting it’s pointless monetary exchange. Ask them for money ahead of time. If they refuse then don’t have them over
Yeah this is just weird at a dinner party that someone has decided to throw and invite ppl to. I have some good friends that we get together with frequently and we will both bring food to the others home and cook everything up and eat it, like if I'm having a BBQ my friend will be like "What are you making...oh I can bring the salad and desert and vice versa but to charge ppl without discussing it beforehand or offering to host a potluck is insane behavior!
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Talk to them about it. Humans are always quick to judge, but If they grew up thinking this is normal they might simply not know any better and assume its common to ask this. Explain how you feel and give them a chance to clarify before jumping to judgement.
I had a BF do this once. Invited everyone over for barbecue jerk chicken. Great meal. Then as everybody got up to leave he to.d them how much they owed him. It was like $15 a piece. You could get a meal at a restaurant for that back then. I saw all the shocked looks on their faces but everyone paid. I was mortified.
It's basically extortion. You've already eaten under false pretenses so the only option is to regurgitate or wait for digestion if you want to 'return' the meal.
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I wonder if the meal actually cost that much, or if they asked for extra to make a profit. It would be fine if everyone had agreed beforehand, or if they were at a restaurant and there was a misunderstanding about whether everyone was paying their own way. but just out of the blue is rude. They would have to be absolutely amazing friends in other ways for me to want to do things with them again.
My mother always taught me and I taught my son, if you ask you pay.
How the hell did 1 steak and a few veggies work out at £20 a head when there was only 4 of them?!?! You can go to any restaurant near me and buy a rump steak dinner with all the trimmings for less than that and no more than £25 - and that's restaurant prices?!?! Sounds like the hosts had their dinner covered by the fees their customers, sorry - "guests", paid as well!
I'd be having a quiet word with them in private. "Are you guys struggling financially?" If they say no then literally ask them why they charged for a dinner party? And why didn't you tell us before hand that it would cost money? If they were really good friends and they admitted they were really struggling financially I'd probably accept it. If they've got no good answer then, yeah no more dinner parties with them.
We were invited to dinner by some old friends (he was my husband's best man and I was her maid of honour). When we got there with our bottle of wine, they said they thought we would split on pizza for dinner. Once our big tyke of wine was done, they then asked for $ to buy another bottle. These people are in no way poor - he made double my husband's salary. When we left they said "we'll have to do this again some time" and my husband whispered to me "maybe next payday" We never saw them again
Out of principle I would either never invite them, ever, to my own dinner parties or charge them also for dinner if they came over. To charge you for dinner is exceptionally rude, to actually also not let you know beforehand is akin to scamming you out of money. I wouldn't call people like these 'friends' to be honest. Why even have a dinner party if you can't even afford the food and embarrassingly have no option but to charge guests? Are they running a restaurant? Big nope.
If you want to charge money for a dinner you have to tell the guests in advance !! Be honest and tell people that you are tight on money but really want people to see your new appartement and suggest that you can cook and buy all the ingredients but then split the costs. This is still a bit strange (if you are not a student) but at least your guests will have a chance to say no. Some guests maybe also have a tight budget.
my paternal grandparents immigrated to the states when their kids (my dad/aunts/uncles) were teenagers. a family invited them over for dinner because they'd been volunteering at the same church together. at the end of the meal, they were asked to pay $10 each. they were too embarrassed translate, so they told my grandmother to wait in the car and secretly paid because they didn't want to argue with their neighbors. they still say they regret not shouting or at least telling their mom what was happening.
It happened once to me, after that everytime I was invited I ask if I have to pay or not.
I had a friend invite us over for dinner, we got there and they pulled out a Chinese takeaway menu and asked us what we wanted and to calculate how much it cost and provide the money. It was truly odd, mainly because we don't carry money with us so had to pay it into their bank account. Still, it was a nice enough night, they haven't invited us over since thankfully.
This is so weird. A "dinner party" already implies that the hosts are covering the main meal; I've always assumed that the guests bring "extras", like wine, a dessert or something like that. To invite people over for dinner and then send them an "invoice" seems like blindsiding and almost bullying your friends into paying for something you're responsible for. I mean, if you tell people beforehand that you want everyone over but can't afford the cost, then I can see this as justified, but this just seems either shortsighted (they realized afterwards that they couldn't afford it) or they knew what they were doing. Either way, still terrible all the way around.
I've never been to a dinner party where guests pay for food, like sure I'll bring some wine or something for the host and hostess, but that's as a gift not as an ad-on to their meal. Not unless it's a potluck or something. If they do want you to pay that should be clarified beforehand, like "Hey guys we would love to host dinner but we're a bit short on money so if everyone could contribute some towards food we'll do the cooking." Or something like that
Load More Replies... Absolutely, this! That those people had the nerve to send a payment request already had my blood boiling. Then, OP goes on to say they paid because they want to keep the peace. And they're such good friends. Well off financially, too. No, they are not good friends. They're just petty, clueless, little people. OP is TA for paying and making excuses for bad behavior.
Load More Replies... If the amateur restaurateurs needed to save money, they could have hosted a potluck dinner.
Never heard of such a thing. If you were short you would either ask people to bring a dish, or do something cheaper. Not steak for instance.
Aside from the basic principle of the thing, £20 per meal seems very steep, unless the hosts were actually making a tidy profit.
This seems to have become a thing, as much as I see it on Reddit. However, it's full-on ride to do this and I'd both refuse to pay it and would call the person out for even doing it! I'd also never talk to them again. I'd also bill them for the wine.
Send them an invoice for the bottle of wine, petrol / Uber, and a per hourly rate for your visit.
Weird one. We’ve gone to friends for takeaway and offered to pay, Half or in full. But not for home cooked dinner party. I’d probably pay it but say you didn’t realise it was a thing. Also if you take turns hosting it’s pointless monetary exchange. Ask them for money ahead of time. If they refuse then don’t have them over
Yeah this is just weird at a dinner party that someone has decided to throw and invite ppl to. I have some good friends that we get together with frequently and we will both bring food to the others home and cook everything up and eat it, like if I'm having a BBQ my friend will be like "What are you making...oh I can bring the salad and desert and vice versa but to charge ppl without discussing it beforehand or offering to host a potluck is insane behavior!
Load More Replies... Talk to them about it. Humans are always quick to judge, but If they grew up thinking this is normal they might simply not know any better and assume its common to ask this. Explain how you feel and give them a chance to clarify before jumping to judgement.
I had a BF do this once. Invited everyone over for barbecue jerk chicken. Great meal. Then as everybody got up to leave he to.d them how much they owed him. It was like $15 a piece. You could get a meal at a restaurant for that back then. I saw all the shocked looks on their faces but everyone paid. I was mortified.
It's basically extortion. You've already eaten under false pretenses so the only option is to regurgitate or wait for digestion if you want to 'return' the meal.
Load More Replies... I wonder if the meal actually cost that much, or if they asked for extra to make a profit. It would be fine if everyone had agreed beforehand, or if they were at a restaurant and there was a misunderstanding about whether everyone was paying their own way. but just out of the blue is rude. They would have to be absolutely amazing friends in other ways for me to want to do things with them again.
My mother always taught me and I taught my son, if you ask you pay.
How the hell did 1 steak and a few veggies work out at £20 a head when there was only 4 of them?!?! You can go to any restaurant near me and buy a rump steak dinner with all the trimmings for less than that and no more than £25 - and that's restaurant prices?!?! Sounds like the hosts had their dinner covered by the fees their customers, sorry - "guests", paid as well!
I'd be having a quiet word with them in private. "Are you guys struggling financially?" If they say no then literally ask them why they charged for a dinner party? And why didn't you tell us before hand that it would cost money? If they were really good friends and they admitted they were really struggling financially I'd probably accept it. If they've got no good answer then, yeah no more dinner parties with them.
We were invited to dinner by some old friends (he was my husband's best man and I was her maid of honour). When we got there with our bottle of wine, they said they thought we would split on pizza for dinner. Once our big tyke of wine was done, they then asked for $ to buy another bottle. These people are in no way poor - he made double my husband's salary. When we left they said "we'll have to do this again some time" and my husband whispered to me "maybe next payday" We never saw them again
Out of principle I would either never invite them, ever, to my own dinner parties or charge them also for dinner if they came over. To charge you for dinner is exceptionally rude, to actually also not let you know beforehand is akin to scamming you out of money. I wouldn't call people like these 'friends' to be honest. Why even have a dinner party if you can't even afford the food and embarrassingly have no option but to charge guests? Are they running a restaurant? Big nope.
If you want to charge money for a dinner you have to tell the guests in advance !! Be honest and tell people that you are tight on money but really want people to see your new appartement and suggest that you can cook and buy all the ingredients but then split the costs. This is still a bit strange (if you are not a student) but at least your guests will have a chance to say no. Some guests maybe also have a tight budget.
my paternal grandparents immigrated to the states when their kids (my dad/aunts/uncles) were teenagers. a family invited them over for dinner because they'd been volunteering at the same church together. at the end of the meal, they were asked to pay $10 each. they were too embarrassed translate, so they told my grandmother to wait in the car and secretly paid because they didn't want to argue with their neighbors. they still say they regret not shouting or at least telling their mom what was happening.
It happened once to me, after that everytime I was invited I ask if I have to pay or not.
I had a friend invite us over for dinner, we got there and they pulled out a Chinese takeaway menu and asked us what we wanted and to calculate how much it cost and provide the money. It was truly odd, mainly because we don't carry money with us so had to pay it into their bank account. Still, it was a nice enough night, they haven't invited us over since thankfully.
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