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“She Was The Same During The Marriage”: 25 Men Speak About What It’s Really Like Marrying A Bridezilla
It’s said that you don’t really know who you married until you divorce them. But sometimes, a person’s true (dark) colors emerge as the wedding planning kicks into gear. That sweet, kind and thoughtful woman you proposed to suddenly becomes a monster, or as we sometimes like to call her: a bridezilla.
We’ve heard stories about brides gone wild from wedding planners or even their own bridesmaids. But now, some brave husbands are speaking out about how their wives pivoted from Beauty to The Beast. It’s all thanks to someone bluntly asking, “Husbands of ‘bridezillas,’ how did you handle your wife’s attitude on your wedding day and did it change your image of her? Also, how bad was she?”
A few revealed (surprise, surprise) that their marriages didn’t last very long. Some brides even entered the discussion admitting that their wedding turned them into an awful, angry, and entitled witch. Bored Panda has put together a list of the tales that really take the cake. Buckle up and try to keep scrolling through some rather bumpy rides to the altar, and beyond.
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#1
My wife was extremely cranky and yelling at everyone all day because things weren't "perfect." The funny thing is, her behavior was causing a lot of stuff to not be perfect. The straw that broke the camel's back was when she threw a beer bottle at the DJ's head when he turned on a song she didn't like. Our marriage only lasted a year.
Ah, Bridezilla. The monster that emerges when a bride becomes Godzilla, the Queen of the Monsters.
“Bridezillas are known for having unreasonable expectations and emotional outbursts directed at friends, family and wedding vendors due to high levels of stress and demands for perfection,” explains wedding planning site The Knot.
But many experts believe the word “Bridezilla” should be deleted from our vocabulary for good.
"I am very much in favor of losing the term bridezilla. It's denigrating and pathologizing what really is a normal process of responding to a high level of stress. And, most basically, it's a sexist term,” says Dr. Jocelyn Charnas, a Clinical Psychologist who is also dubbed "The Wedding Doctor."
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#2
My wife didn't go full-on bridezilla, but it was definitely pretty clear that the stress was getting to her. All the Instagram browsing, wedding magazine reading, and YouTube watching she was doing had created a set of extremely unrealistic expectations. Certain things got so built up in her head that when the reality didn't match up it was hard for her not to feel a bit let down. And for me, it was hard to hear her talk about how much she hated her dress, our venue, the decorations, etc. and how terrible and gaudy and disappointing our wedding was going to be. I found that we were fighting a lot more frequently, too, which really made me start to worry that this was a red flag until I Googled "fighting before the wedding" and found out what a common thing it was.
Ultimately, I'd say it was an overall positive experience because I got to see her pull herself back from the edge of being a bridezilla and use her intelligence and reason to control her emotions. It gave me even more confidence in the future of our relationship because I could see that when difficult times or hard emotions come, she's willing to talk through them and recognize that her feelings might not reflect the truth of the situation.
I'd probably have a much different response if instead of sobbing quietly to me privately she threw a big public screaming fit like a full-on bridezilla, but as it is, I think it wound up OK.
#3
My wife was getting stressed and started to "Zilla" out, so I took it away from her. We sat down over dinner one night and discussed what her most important moments or ideas were. And she agreed as long as those 3-4 items were covered, she would relax and let me fill in the blanks.
* You want a venue that will let you make a runner out of silk scarves? And do a Sunday afternoon ceremony? Great, Here are the two in our area that do that.
* Chicken, Fish, or beef? Ok, here are the two chicken entries they serve that you would like. No, you can't see the price. I will take care of that.
* Here are the three photography studios that work with our DJ (for the video sound) and the venue. No, that other guy you saw on facebook is not as good, please review these three and choose your photographer.
* Here is Station identification, the one DJ you can choose from. Seriously, I didn't even give her an option on this one. If you are getting married in Southern California this is the only one to use. They do way more than just play music, and having a professional to direct your guests attention makes the entire event so much better.
Over two years later and we still have people telling us how well everything went at our wedding.
The Starsong Princess 7 hours ago
Good for him. Most guys just criticize or refuse to do anything.
Meredith Bartel, a Wisconsin-based wedding planner and content creator agrees. “A bride is never a ‘bad bride’ for setting boundaries or respectfully standing up for herself and her wedding vision,” she told Bustle.
But others argue that it's how you set boundaries that matters. “Getting married and planning a wedding entitles you to love, support, and celebration from loved ones — but not unwavering fawning, acclimating, or self-sacrifice,” says Landis Bejar, the owner of wedding-focused therapy practice AisleTalk.
#4
Didn't marry her. Couldn't be happier. I mean it only ended because she was a lying, cheating piece of trash person, but all the wedding planning stuff was it's own special hell. Demanding the most expensive place, the most expensive photographer, fancy cars etc to the ceremony. All of which we couldn't afford and that cost me ALL of my savings in nothing but deposits.
I didn't realise how unhappy I was in that relationship till I was out of it. Now I'm with someone who is simply amazing and makes me super happy!
#5
Was the best man for a bridezilla wedding and we really thought the groom was going to call it off because of her antics that day and previously. We found out she had a secondary guest list that included more of her folks and less of his folks about a week before and the stress of getting his folks there almost ate him alive.
It was finally a combination of her mother and his mother alone in a room with her hours before the ceremony that scared her straight. She was not a spoiled girl but she had fully bought into the "today is your day" mindset and didn't actually take the push back from anyone seriously.
#6
Told me she regretted marrying me a day after our wedding because it wasn't exactly how she wanted it to be. Told me she was going to have an affair on my birthday. When I had a few friends die in short period of time she told me to get over it because life goes on. Then filed divorce because apparently I never loved or cared about her and said she wants nothing to do with me. Among other things but that's the gist of it
There are many reasons a perfectly decent bride might morph into a nightmare "Bridezilla."
One is because they simply cannot manage stress. And as we know, weddings can be a stressful occasion. One survey revealed that 84% of brides felt stressed ahead of, and during, their big day, with over a quarter deeming it the most stressful event of their lives.
"Manage and avoid anxiety triggers," advise the experts from Afa Rose, an online bridal boutique and wedding retailer. "You know yourself and your triggers better than most. Take additional care during this time to avoid anything that can make you frazzled."
#7
My ex-wife was a bridezilla and her mother was the definition of a monster in law
I just handed over reins in defeat and got drunk through the whole planning process, ended up being the complete opposite of anything that I wanted. The marriage lasted 2 years 7 months and 3 days.
My group of friends, including my best man, his now wife, a few colleagues, my sister, and her husband, had a betting pool on how long the marriage will last... I found this out the day I told my father (who was in on it) that we had separated
At the time I put it down to the stress of wedding planning and thought no she's not really like this. Nope turns out that she is a spoilt brat and wanted me to take over from her father just pampering her and never saying no because he stated that now she was married it was my responsibility to keep her in the life she used to.
She ended up leaving me while I was deployed and moving interstate taking my son, that was a shock to come home to an empty house. Her reasoning, I said no to her buying a new vacuum and that I didn't love my family enough because I put my work first
4 years later, after a long and messy divorce, I am about to elope to Vegas with my partner as we are happier than ever together. And neither of us want to deal with the bs associated with a "traditional" wedding.
#8
Been married 14 years.
She's definitely a pain in the neck sometimes but so is everyone else. I'm also pretty laid back so a lot of decisions I leave to her because I just don't care. If it's a decision I do care about, I make the decision.
Without her, I wouldn't have the 3 best kids on earth. She's an amazing mom and our kids have our best qualities. We have fun all the time.
I think she was a bridezilla not because she was a crazy person, it was more about making the moment right for everyone and making it a great memory. She had a relatively rough life with her parents and there weren't a ton of great memories. I notice she goes waaaaay out of her way to make great memories for the kids as she's always planning stuff for us to do with them.
I'm gonna keep her.
Nota Robot 11 hours ago (edited)
>" lot of decisions I leave to her because I just don't care. If it's a decision I do care about, I make the decision" This doesn't sound like the wowoman is the red flag in that relationship.
#9
My wife and I almost never fight.
But we fought weekly from the day we got engaged to the day we got married over the wedding stuff. My ideas were stupid. If I left all decisions to her, I wasnt involved enough. I couldn't win.
Once it was over, we stopped fighting.
Then we had kids, so we're back to fighting lol.
Yes, your wedding is a big event. But it is not the be-all and end-all.
"Your wedding is only one aspect of your life — and a temporary one at that," notes Bustle. "Plan wedding-free hangouts with your friends, take care of your mental and physical health, pursue your hobbies, get good rest, and get excited about the life you’re going to build after you get married."
The Afa Rose teams adds that you should balance planning with nurturing your marriage before it starts. "Keep dating each other. Have fun together! Your wedding and marriage depend on it," they warn. "Remembering your special person shifts your attention off the event and onto the love you have for each other. Boom, the bridezilla is neutralized."
#10
I went to get my car detailed while my wife had a hair appointment (since we were driving to our honeymoon), the detailers told me 1 hour so that's what I told my wife, 3 hours later I went to pick her up and she was crying thinking I had ditched her and run off. Not a bridezilla but definitely upset. We spent less than $2,000 on the wedding including the rings, venue, cake, honeymoon. No regrets, no debts, would recommend. My wife doesn't have a princess complex thank God.
LakotaWolf (she/her) 14 hours ago
Was this in the days before the telephone was invented? OP didn't think to maybe call the hair salon to let his wife know he'd be longer at the car appt? Even if this was before cellphones became commonplace, OP had options to contact his wife. Even if he couldn't remember the name of the hair salon, he could call Information to get the phone number - since he dropped her off and was going back to pick her up, presumably he remembered the cross streets, if not the address.
#11
I married a bridezilla. He is a lovely sweet thoughtful man but boy did he lose it surrounding the wedding. I could have been married with about three special people there. He needed 200+. As far as I was concerned we could eat off paper plates and napkins and have a big bon fire to burn them afterwards. He need personalized moist towelettes. You get the point. He is a lovely person and I love him dearly but I will never marry him again.
viimatar 12 hours ago
It's refreshing to have a Gay couple on the list, too, if I interpreted this correctly. I can imagine the drama that an overtly stereotypical Gay fellow can come up with, if he acts like a bridezilla. Even better, if he can muster up some sarcastic self-reflection in the aftermath. Actually, even if I absolutely hate shows like "Bridezillas", I'd watch it for the sheer delight of seeing that kind of episode. (And even more so, if it had a running reactions section on the side, from other Queer couples.) I don't know why it would be more entertaining than the average Straight couple, but maybe it's because of the breaking of expectations in a way. Big personalities often make big show of their drama, and for some reason, many Gay men especially seem to have a wicked sense of humor combined with some biting self-irony in a manner that hits differently. (As demonstrated by the last line of this OP.)
#12
Married a bridezilla. In the 18 months we were married, she was such an unfit mother (too many instances to list here), that when the divorce was finalized, I got custody of our kid AND the kid she had prior to our marriage.
Also, she was a blackout drunk and cheated on me with several different men. Final straw was when I had to travel out of state to check on my grandmother. I came back a day early, saw used Marlboros in the ashtray - not her brand - I don't smoke - and then I heard grunting and groaning in the bedroom. Yep, there she was. And there he was. And there HE was. Devil's Triangle. Contacted a divorce lawyer the next day, finalized it as fast as possible
But sometimes a bride becoming Bridezilla boils down to pure entitlement. Yes, the big day is mainly about the bride and groom but you should be mindful of making crazy demands just because you're the star of the show.
"While treating your paid vendors like paid vendors is usually acceptable, try not to treat your bridal party like they are hired service providers as well," warns wedding planning site Easy Weddings. "They are friends or family there to do you an incredible favour, not your personal servants, executive assistants, therapists or butlers."
"Treat your bridesmaids, groomsmen, and parents with respect while they help you," it adds, along with a reminder to keep your manners, ask for things instead of expecting them, and be grateful for the people close to you.
#13
Ex-fiancee was super normal until we got engaged. She went from small simple wedding with less than 100 guests to grand hall and wanting to invite everyone she ever exchanged more than three words with. She wanted to import flowers. Made no sense. The final straw was when she scheduled an appointment with a real estate agent to SELL MY HOUSE to pay for the wedding. Also, her family was loaded but wasn’t going to contribute anything. Broke it off. She got engaged again 1 yr later to an attorney and didn’t read the prenup before signing. They got married and divorced 1 month later. She got nothing and is still alone.
#14
It was not just the wedding day, Bridezilla came to life as soon as we started planning the wedding in my case.
It was really awful, to say the least, she is a control freak and well I'm just a very chill and relaxed guy, so I tried to go along with most things and just say yes however you want it, honey. It just stopped working after some time and you know, for a man, there is nothing more important than what color are the flowers and tablecloth are going to be... We don't care!!! (to all women in the world)
I was so glad on the day of my wedding, we had a great time and we ended up dancing, having fun and very drunk, but the previous months were a horror in terms of Bridezilla taking over my SO.
That's why I've already decided that no matter what happens, I'm not getting married again, EVER!
#15
First wife was a Bridezilla. During the honeymoon she realized she was married and the wedding day was history. She wanted the big wedding, which she had, not the marriage. The next two years were hell until she finally tapped out. I was young and stupid and the thought of divorce never crossed my mind. I don't know why it didn't. I guess I just assumed I'd be miserable the rest of my life. When she told me she was leaving it felt as if the weight of the world was off of my shoulders. On a happy note her parents were still paying off the wedding when we divorced. That's what happens when you allow your daughter everything she wanted....including 2 wedding dresses.
The Afar Rose team agrees. They say it's important to remember that your friends and family can’t jump at your every request. They have their own lives and responsibilities too.
"Always be respectful and understanding," reiterate the experts. "Thoughtful planning and communication coupled with respect go a long way in ensuring you get the enthusiasm and participation needed to make your wedding day a happy success."
#16
First marriage was to a bridezilla. Got drunk before the ceremony, wouldn’t dance because she was “too anxious people would make fun of her”, tried bragging to my cousins during the dinner that our wedding was better than theirs (four of us got married in a two year span), invited her “ex” BF to the ceremony, that I later found out she had been sleeping with both before and after our wedding, took the money we had received as gifts and were planning on using for a house down payment and spent it on random crap, had a ton of debt she kept from me... Left her a year after to the day and never looked back. Now happily married to a great woman. Obviously hindsight yadda yadda, but there were a lot of red flags I should have noticed
Big things after the wedding, spent money more quickly than she could make it. I ended up having to take on a second job, already worked 50+ a week, just to cover bills. Would go visit her “friends” in the evenings, found out later on she was going to her BFs.
Handed her separation papers on our one year anniversary
#17
I married a bridezilla (I photographed weddings too so I should have known better), but she was hot so I guess I was in love right?
After 10 years of extremely passive aggressive behavior and trying to control EVERYTHING I had enough. For four years she threatened divorce as a way to “adjust” my behavior. Finally I had enough and filed for divorce myself.
I grew up extremely conservative and have been shunned by many people in my life, but I’m so happy now. She gets half my money and makes it difficult to see my kids, but I no longer have to feel bad about the small things in life.
I feel like I have a lot of things to say to people that feel trapped in a bad marriage because of tradition. It makes me so sad.
Crystalwitch60 9 hours ago
Eugh people never use your kids as weapons against an ex it’s child a b u s e basically ,unfair on the kids 100% don’t bent kinda inhuman parent .
#18
Got into a huge fight about broccoli on the honeymoon, all my fault of course. I knew then it was a mistake, toughed it out for two more years of abuse before I left. So glad I did.
While it may not always seem like it, most people do have your best interests at heart. They want to see you happy on your big day. But step on too many toes in the run-up, and people's views of you may very well change.
"Having an entitled attitude is only going to make things more difficult," warns Afar Rose's team. "Avoid meltdowns by remaining kind, having realistic expectations, and working in conjunction with your professional wedding team rather than expecting them to do everything for you or be at your [beck and] call."
#19
Dodged a bridezilla. And as a single guy in the military at the time that was saying something.
I guess the first warning signs could have been how she said that she had done a project in high school where she planned out her wedding already. She mentioned it multiple times, I guess hinting that she was ready for marriage lol. Also she was kind of a spoiled brat and would argue with me over nothing. Like to the point of tears. For example we drove to Myrtle Beach and I was following GPS. At one point she said I missed my turn so I looked at the gps and I was still good, so I told her we’re fine. She argued that her dad always went that way, but I told her this way was probably faster so the gps routed that way. She cried and argued the rest of the way. Fml.
The real red flag was her reaction to her brothers wedding. Her future SIL had selected her best friend for the MoH, but my ex was still a bridesmaid so it should’ve been all good. But apparently she thought her, uh, extensive experience in planning weddings should have warranted her more input on the wedding and party prep. She kept crying that she wasn’t allowed to give input on the wedding decisions and generally making hell for her brother. I tried to stay out of it (I was reading a song of ice and fire at the time so I was super busy) but one day it kinda blew up.
I was sitting there on the couch reading with her and her parents there, and I’m guessing the bro asked the parents to smooth things over. They brought up the subject and said she needs to stop worrying about their wedding and it’s not her place to fight to make decisions. The argument escalated until they were yelling, and peaked with her demon face screaming at them. Like, red Face full of tears, loud as humanly possible, howler monkey shrieking! I paused reading my book and kinda half looked up at her having her tantrum like wtf. Her parents were like “you have to go and act like this in front of your bf.”
I think that was when I realized we would never get married but I was lazy so I didn’t break up with her on the spot. I felt bad because We were about 26/27 at the time and her parents were probably hoping someone would marry her and she would move out, but I wasn’t going to take that bullet.
Earonn - 8 hours ago
"making hell for her brother. I tried to stay out of it (I was reading a song of ice and fire at the time so I was super busy)" - do these guys realise how much they tell on themselves? I mean, I agree, she sounds awful, but it's not as if a good guy had to suffer under her....
#20
My wife was really chill about the whole thing, honestly, but is there a term for "future MIL"-zilla? Cause we had that which was too bad because she's isn't usually that way in life and for years it colored the way my family viewed her.
Jenna Kay 3 hours ago
Her name is Betty. And she isn't mine, (mine was diagnosed with narcissistic personality disorder, hates me, but since I never reacted to her, she doesn't confront me about anything). Betty is my DIL's mom, and they have been NC with her for several years now after her behaviour at the wedding. It was so bad that my DIL's father finally realized how awful she was and started divorce proceedings!!
#21
So my wife went OFF on everything the decor and floral lady did. And she was right they legit messed a lot up.
But the big thing was we didn't hire a planner and I didn't help as much as I should have. It was really just the emotions of the whole thing coming to a boiling point.
We went into the back room. Had a drink. A few years and let it out. Then we went and enjoyed running around for the next 5 hours barely talking to anyone.
She's the absolute best.
#22
Divorce, my army buddies said they could see it coming, I am easy going enjoy almost everything, and she was upset after what looked like a perfect wedding. She later said she wanted a smaller wedding.
I don't talk to her or read emails and texts from her. Full of anger and spite, and I tell her so usually in a reply.
Last year her tax return was deposited in my bank account, and I contacted her to ask for account details so I could transfer it to her. I got a three page email about how if I spent anything she would have lawyers go after me. So I mailed a check to her, the slowest way possible.
#23
She made me personally correct the wedding guest list and invitations to correctly address all of her Dr. Friends. She fought with my mom at the end of the night over who was going to take the envelopes home. There was so much more. I ended up leaving her 9 months later. This was three years ago. It still hurts when I think about it. That wedding and ring and divorce financially ruined me but life has gotten better. 2020 was good to me.
#24
Was actually interviewed for the show "Bridezillas." I said I wouldn't get married if we were on that show.
Anyway, she was the same during the marriage. It was a typical bad marriage because of finances. She was a spendthrift and living that way just causes much suffering. We had an expensive wedding that I'm still paying for.
#25
It was supposed to be an open wedding and in the morning it was pouring outside like Noah was in town. My wife was on the verge of cutting her own dress into pieces, the bridesmaid was no help at all, the hairdresser was late so the official ceremony started an hour late and as a consequence of all that the bride said no when the minister asked for an answer. We still got married, got a few glasses of wine into her, and the party later was the most fun I have ever had in my life (for the bride as well). Happily married an year pater, and I’m never letting this girl out of my life :)
Advice for future grooms - bring an over the counter anxiolytic (Valerian, Validol... something like that). If things get heated it cures a lot of problems. Alcohol does a good job to relax as well. The wedding day is REALLY stressful for all involved, so something like that really helps :).
Nadine Debard 14 hours ago
Don't use OTC medications like an anxiolytic without previous medical advice. Those things can F you up.
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What do you think ?
Katharina Sei. 11 hours ago
I think the idea that a wedding is the “best day of your life” is awful and ridiculous. What’s supposed to happen after the wedding, then? I think it’s better to see it as a celebration where you get together with the people who matter to you to mark the fact that you’re forming a new official family and want to be together. That makes the whole thing feel a bit more relaxed, too.
Gavin Johnson 11 hours ago
I used to sell and run weddings at a country house hotel, we did anything from intimate 10 guest through to 200 guest weddings. Here’s a tiny slice of my experience. Money makes things pretty and all that but the starting point is love and confirming your strength as a couple, make it reflect that not your credit score. It’s also about bringing family together, be kind to all of your guests and don’t expect them to follow military orders. Give yourself a break or two during the day to sit together with a soft drink and enjoy each others company. Listen to your photographer, get one that works with the venue, they know the beautiful places to get THAT photo. Don’t expect 100% of your plans to work, you’ve got bigger things to enjoy, sometimes the table runners are a shade or two out, relax, you and your guests won’t notice or care ‘cause they are there for YOU, not the table runners. Bring spare umbrellas, have a pair of sliders ready, bring a sewing kit, smile it’ll be great.
xolitaire 6 hours ago
I will never understand why so many women are obsessed with spending all their money (and their SO's money) on a glorified party and a fancy dress, just to look more wealthy than they are and end up in debt before the marriage even begins. My sister's wedding took place in the garden behind my mother's house, only very good friends and neighbours were invited, we had a homemade BBQ and everyone slept in caravans parked all around the lot. It was the most awesome wedding I ever went to and no one even thought of fancy cakes, huge venues or other expensive stuff.
Katharina Sei. 11 hours ago
I think the idea that a wedding is the “best day of your life” is awful and ridiculous. What’s supposed to happen after the wedding, then? I think it’s better to see it as a celebration where you get together with the people who matter to you to mark the fact that you’re forming a new official family and want to be together. That makes the whole thing feel a bit more relaxed, too.
Gavin Johnson 11 hours ago
I used to sell and run weddings at a country house hotel, we did anything from intimate 10 guest through to 200 guest weddings. Here’s a tiny slice of my experience. Money makes things pretty and all that but the starting point is love and confirming your strength as a couple, make it reflect that not your credit score. It’s also about bringing family together, be kind to all of your guests and don’t expect them to follow military orders. Give yourself a break or two during the day to sit together with a soft drink and enjoy each others company. Listen to your photographer, get one that works with the venue, they know the beautiful places to get THAT photo. Don’t expect 100% of your plans to work, you’ve got bigger things to enjoy, sometimes the table runners are a shade or two out, relax, you and your guests won’t notice or care ‘cause they are there for YOU, not the table runners. Bring spare umbrellas, have a pair of sliders ready, bring a sewing kit, smile it’ll be great.
xolitaire 6 hours ago
I will never understand why so many women are obsessed with spending all their money (and their SO's money) on a glorified party and a fancy dress, just to look more wealthy than they are and end up in debt before the marriage even begins. My sister's wedding took place in the garden behind my mother's house, only very good friends and neighbours were invited, we had a homemade BBQ and everyone slept in caravans parked all around the lot. It was the most awesome wedding I ever went to and no one even thought of fancy cakes, huge venues or other expensive stuff.
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