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Woman Wonders If Boyfriend’s Financial Situation Is Enough Reason To Dump Him
A couple functions best when both people are on the same page about their individual and shared responsibilities, including money. You don’t want to feel like you’re quietly becoming the “backup plan” for someone who keeps running into avoidable issues over and over again.
But Reddit user PandaExpressChef is beginning to think the balance in her relationship is slipping in a way she can no longer ignore, as she watches her boyfriend repeatedly make terrible financial choices. Especially now that his car has broken down and he’s thinking about taking out a loan to buy a new one.
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This young woman earns about the same as her boyfriend
Image credits: Getty Images / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
But he never has enough money to go out with her
Now he’s thinking about taking out a loan for a $9,000 car when he can’t even afford a $200 fix
Image credits: Yunus Tuğ / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
Image credits: pandaexpresschef
When choosing a romantic partner, money is likely to play a factor to some extent
Some commenters have called the woman unreasonable, but it’s becoming increasingly hard for her to ignore the guy’s behavior now that it affects her.
If a couple can’t decide how to split the check at the restaurant, how are they supposed to progress to a point where they’re sharing a home and paying the bills? You could even argue that in this uncertain economy, having the same level of money knowledge is even more important. The numbers support this notion, too.
Among single adults, 74% say financial stability is one of the most attractive traits in a partner, and 60% say financial compatibility matters more than chemistry, according to a recent survey of over 2,100 Americans aged 18 and older from The Harris Poll.
“[How you approach and manage money] is oftentimes representative of other things like love, control, power. And if individuals don’t take the time, especially couples, to really think through that, they are not really setting themselves up for success,” says Valerie Galinskaya, head of the Merrill Center for Family Wealth, a specialized group within wealth management company Merrill Lynch.
Image credits: ohlamour studio / Unsplash (not the actual photo)
The Harris Poll survey discovered that singles are drawing clear boundaries, and their biggest financial dealbreakers are:
- The expectation that you will pay most of the time (45%);
- Unstable employment (42%);
- Bad spending habits (42%);
- Credit card debt (34%);
- Having no savings / living paycheck to paycheck (22%).
So as we can see, our Redditor and her concerns, in the context of the broader dating world, are completely normal.
Galinskaya says you don’t necessarily have to share your salary or how much debt you have on the first date, but as a relationship progresses, “a lack of willingness to disclose information” can be “representative of really unhealthy patterns.”
The problems are exacerbated if one partner is career-driven while the other is routinely in and out of jobs or isn’t motivated to keep building their future.
That, according to Galinskaya, “can be a reflection that this is not going to be an individual who’s really going to contribute.” Not just financially, but contribute their insight, their time, their effort in a relationship on the same level that their partner would like both of them to.
Most people believe that no matter how the guy spends his money, he needs to be more responsible
Some, however, believe there might be more than meets the eye
A few people shared their own similar experiences and what they learned from them
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What do you think ?
Ali 1 hour ago
Id say if you are at the point in a relationship you want it to be potentially long term, you do start saving and communicating about money. If you are still in the early stages of just having fun and getting to know each other, their finances are non of your business. That also means no loans or financial support is expected or given. As for going out, there are plenty of cheap and free things you can do in the early part. If you are not both in the same place mentally, it's probable you are not compatible. To be honest, when I first moved in with my (now) husband though, we were not in the same place. Largely because he was irresponsible due to having always had his family to fall back on. Although I am also lucky enough to have family to fall back on, I valued independent financial security as a sign of the sort of mature adult behaviour I was looking for. We did spend a lot of time discussing money to find our balance.
Apatheist 2 hours ago
Budgeting might be a chore, but it's not that hard. You can get free spreadsheet software (OpenOffice for example), do an online tutorial if you don't know how to use it, work out what you need to spend over a year, compare it with your income and see what's left. Ask someone for help if you can't do it. The simple rule is to spend less than you earn, then you'll save. To answer the question - yes it is a reason to split up if he won't let you help him see sense.
Ali 1 hour ago
Id say if you are at the point in a relationship you want it to be potentially long term, you do start saving and communicating about money. If you are still in the early stages of just having fun and getting to know each other, their finances are non of your business. That also means no loans or financial support is expected or given. As for going out, there are plenty of cheap and free things you can do in the early part. If you are not both in the same place mentally, it's probable you are not compatible. To be honest, when I first moved in with my (now) husband though, we were not in the same place. Largely because he was irresponsible due to having always had his family to fall back on. Although I am also lucky enough to have family to fall back on, I valued independent financial security as a sign of the sort of mature adult behaviour I was looking for. We did spend a lot of time discussing money to find our balance.
Apatheist 2 hours ago
Budgeting might be a chore, but it's not that hard. You can get free spreadsheet software (OpenOffice for example), do an online tutorial if you don't know how to use it, work out what you need to spend over a year, compare it with your income and see what's left. Ask someone for help if you can't do it. The simple rule is to spend less than you earn, then you'll save. To answer the question - yes it is a reason to split up if he won't let you help him see sense.
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