Woman Keeps Excusing Her Behavior With Self-Diagnosed Autism, BF Can’t Take It Anymore

When it comes to our health, the internet can be an extremely useful tool. You can easily search for your symptoms in seconds and put your mind at ease. Don’t worry, that rash is totally normal. And no, that pain does not mean you have cancer. But at the same time, having access to so much information can be confusing.

We might convince ourselves that we have plenty of afflictions without having any real evidence. And when it comes to developmental and neurodevelopmental disorders, people can self-diagnose as much as they want. That’s why this man began to become concerned about his girlfriend. After seeing one video discussing autism, she suddenly decided that she’s on the spectrum, but her partner isn’t quite convinced. Below, you’ll find the full story that he shared on Reddit seeking advice, as well as some of the replies readers left him. 

This man’s girlfriend watched a video about autism and suddenly decided that she’s on the spectrum

A frustrated man in casual clothes talks with a woman who keeps excusing her behavior with self-diagnosed autism.

Image credits: DC_Studio / envato (not the actual photo)

But he’s concerned about her making claims that she’s autistic without receiving a proper diagnosis

Woman keeps excusing her behavior with self-diagnosed autism, boyfriend struggling to handle it.

Woman excusing behavior with self-diagnosed autism, boyfriend frustrated with constant justification and excuses.

Text excerpt about a woman excusing her behavior with self-diagnosed autism causing frustration in her boyfriend.

Text about woman excusing behavior with self-diagnosed autism, boyfriend frustrated and asking for official diagnosis.

Man sitting on floor holding head in frustration, illustrating struggle with self-diagnosed autism behavior excuses.

Image credits: DC_Studio / envato (not the actual photo)

Text post expressing doubt about self-diagnosed autism and conflict between a woman and her boyfriend.

Image credits: AideRelative4272

Over a quarter of women on the autism spectrum don’t receive a diagnosis until they’re an adult

According to the National Autistic Society in the UK, autism is a “lifelong neurodivergence and disability.” It often causes individuals to feel and react to things differently than neurotypical people, and it can create challenges when socializing or trying to read social cues. Many people on the autism spectrum attempt to mask their discomfort, but this can be exhausting and sometimes even lead to developing a mental illness.

The reason why autism is understood as a spectrum is because each autistic person will have their own unique combination of characteristics, the National Autistic Society explains. 

“Autistic people can be very different to each other, with different sets of strengths and challenges,” the experts write. “It is important not to make assumptions about an individual autistic person’s skills, abilities or support needs.”

Now, when it comes to receiving an autism diagnosis, specialists look for certain “core characteristics” in an individual. These include: having unique communication styles, skills, and preferences; having special interests and unique behaviors; and often, being very sensitive to a certain kind of sensory input.

Children often undergo developmental screenings during visits to their pediatrician or in school. But if their parents start to suspect that they might be autistic, they can request an assessment to specifically determine whether or not their child is on the spectrum. 

These screenings often involve specialists such as developmental pediatricians, psychologists, psychiatrists, neurologists, occupational therapists, and speech-language pathologists.

Despite the fact that signs of autism usually start appearing when a child is between two and three years old, many people on the spectrum don’t actually receive a proper diagnosis until much later. In fact, the average age to be diagnosed with Autism Spectrum Disorder in the United States is 10.5. 

However, women tend to receive diagnoses later than men, often because they’re much better at masking their symptoms. A quarter of women on the spectrum don’t even receive an official diagnosis until the age of 19 or older. Because we now have so much access to information about Autism Spectrum Disorder, and because it can be so difficult to get a proper diagnosis, particularly for women, many people decide to self-diagnose. 

Self-diagnosing is controversial, but it’s quite common in the autistic community

Woman discussing her behavior and self-diagnosed autism during a counseling session with a therapist in a modern room.

Image credits: Andrej Lišakov / unsplash (not the actual photo)

Autistic Psychologist Amy Marschall, PsyD, wrote a piece for Psychology Today breaking down her thoughts on self-diagnosing, and she noted that it’s often accepted by many people in the autistic community. This is because autism evaluations in the U.S. can cost thousands of dollars, and they’re typically not covered by insurance providers. So they’re simply not feasible for everyone.

Meanwhile, it can be incredibly difficult to even get an autism evaluation, as some families wait for years for their child to be tested. At the same time, having a diagnosis in your medical records can be risky. Dr. Marschall notes that this can sometimes open people up to being discriminated against, as some states actually keep registries of autistic residents. And some countries refuse to grant immigration visas to autistic individuals.

But it’s important to remember that just because you relate to autism content online doesn’t mean that you are actually on the spectrum. Forta notes that many conditions, such as ADHD, anxiety, and trauma, can share symptoms with autism. So it’s easy for people who watch a short video on the topic to get confused.

Plus, it’s natural to resonate with a few traits of autism. Plenty of people feel awkward in social situations and have sensory issues. “But [this] doesn’t mean you meet the formal diagnosis criteria outlined in the DSM-5,” Forta writes.

“This is where confirmation bias often kicks in. Once someone suspects they’re autistic, they may focus only on information that supports that belief—and ignore evidence that doesn’t,” they explain. “This can create a feedback loop that leads further away from clarity.”

We would love to hear your thoughts on this situation in the comments below, pandas. Do you think this woman’s self-diagnosis is valid? Or should she do some more research? Feel free to weigh in. Then, you can find another Bored Panda article discussing similar themes right here. 

Many readers took the man’s side, noting that it’s disrespectful for his girlfriend to make these claims after seeing one video

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing specific hobbies related to self-diagnosed autism behavior excuses.

Comment discussing self-diagnosed autism and the importance of official diagnosis by a psychiatrist.

Comment discussing self-diagnosed autism and ADHD, suggesting therapy and diagnosis to address behavior and relationship issues.

Comment discussing extroverted autistic people, related to self-diagnosed autism behavior and relationship challenges.

Text post expressing frustration over people self-diagnosing with OCD and excusing behavior with autism claims.

Comment discussing the importance of professional confirmation before claiming autism or any medical condition diagnosis.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman excusing behavior with self-diagnosed autism causing tension with her boyfriend.

Text excerpt discussing signs of undiagnosed autism in a woman and social masking challenges.

Comment discussing a woman excusing behavior with self-diagnosed autism and struggling with identity and alcohol issues.

Comment criticizing a woman’s behavior excusing with self-diagnosed autism, expressing frustration from her boyfriend.

Screenshot of a social media comment about self-diagnosed autism and excusing behavior in a relationship discussion.

Comment discussing self-diagnosed autism and the impact on behavior in relationships, highlighting authenticity concerns.

Comment discussing woman excusing behavior with self-diagnosed autism, boyfriend frustrated with identity issues and excuses.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing self-diagnosed autism and a psychologist’s formal diagnosis of level 1 autism.

Text excerpt explaining frustration with people self-diagnosing autism versus those professionally diagnosed.

Commenter discusses frustration with people self-diagnosing autism and excusing behavior with it online.

Text post discussing frustration over trend of self-diagnosed autism and excusing behavior with autism claims.

Comment discussing self-diagnosed autism behavior and its impact on relationships, reflecting skepticism and frustration.

Woman discussing self-diagnosed autism with frustrated boyfriend unable to handle excuses in relationship conversation.

Screenshot of a forum comment discussing self-diagnosed autism and neurodiversity trends affecting behavior excuses.

Screenshot of an online comment discussing self-diagnosed autism and its impact on a relationship.

Screenshot of a forum post discussing self-diagnosed autism and relationship challenges involving autistic behavior excuses.

Text post discussing challenges and perspectives on professionally diagnosed autism and self-diagnosed behavior excuses.

Screenshot of a comment discussing mental disorders and self-diagnosed autism in the context of behavior excuses.

However, some readers called out the man for failing to believe his girlfriend

Comment criticizing partner for dismissing self-diagnosed autism and questioning understanding of autism traits.

Reddit comment discussing a woman excusing behavior with self-diagnosed autism and boyfriend’s reaction.

Screenshot of a Reddit comment discussing a woman excusing her behavior with self-diagnosed autism and her boyfriend's reaction.

Comment discussing a woman excusing behavior with self-diagnosed autism, reflecting boyfriend's frustration online.

Text post discussing neurodiversity, self-diagnosed autism, and challenges with diagnosis wait times in the UK.

Comment discussing challenges of self-diagnosed autism and the need for better understanding in relationships.

Comment discussing self-diagnosed autism and challenges in relationships with neurodivergent partners.

Comment discussing a woman self-diagnosing autism and experiencing high masking, shared in an online forum.

Forum discussion about a woman excusing behavior with self-diagnosed autism, causing strain in her relationship.

Comment discussing a woman excusing her behavior with self-diagnosed autism, and frustration from her boyfriend.

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