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Guy Asks His Girlfriend Not To Eat So Much At His Grandma’s House, Asks If He’s In The Wrong After She Yells At Him
This story posted on r/AITA by Redditor u/foodormoney may put you off at first. “AITA for asking my gf not to eat so much,” the author asked in the headline, immediately adding that he “knows the title sounds bad but this is a pretty specific situation so please hear me out.”
He’s been hanging out with his new girlfriend Ashley, who’s “a heavier person and a vocal advocate for body positivity.” The incident happened when the couple went over to the author’s grandmother’s house for dinner. It turns out, the grandma takes it as her duty to feed the whole family even if she cannot afford it. All the family is aware that she will be living on leftovers for the week, so they take just a small portion to eat.
But Ashley was completely oblivious to the whole situation, and made herself a feast. Now the author wants to know if he was right to tell her to eat less, and people online weigh in.
RELATED:
This person wants to know if he was wrong to tell his GF to eat less when they dine at his grandmother’s house, since she’s broke and lives on leftovers
Image credits: Marcus Aurelius (not the actual photo)
Here is the whole story he posted on the r/AITA subreddit
Some people said that the author of the post was definitely NTA
Others said that everyone is TA in this situation
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Susie Elle 4 years ago (edited)
The girlfriend sounds like an entitled twat. I mean, "nobody other than me decides when I've had enough" - really? So when you're having dinner at somebody else's place you're just gonna eat everything they have if it just so happens you're not full yet? Rude. Even without the grandma's financial situation - other people may not yet have had enough either. And if you know up front that the person hosting is short on cash, then don't be a d**k and get a hold of yourself.
Diane Knight 4 years ago
It's similar to waiting for the host to order their food or listening to what they are getting and order accordingly. (if they get a $9 dinner, you order $9 or less for yourself) My mother told me that's the polite thing. Rude to order a $25 meal. Shame on her for not having that knowledge either. He needs to find a better date.
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Andy 4 years ago (edited)
Ashley is being a selfish cow. The first dinner she wasn't to have known as he hadn't told her, and there is no mention of any issues when he brought it up after. However the following week to demand that she be allowed to eat as much as she wants of someone else's food, after knowing that it means they may go hungry is disgusting. Nothing to do with body shaming, she is just selfish. I understand people saying the OP should do more for his grandmother, however having had elderly relatives who refuse any help, the reality is you can't force them to accept it, and repeatedly trying to push it is just going to ruin what she sees as a nice things she can do for her family, and possibly is an excuse to be be able to make sure she sees them often
Kisses4Katie 4 years ago
Yes, a lot of people saying the grandmother is rude have never had an older relative who just does things the way they do things. My grandma came up in the depression (she would have been 104 this year) and she never lost that attitude. She wouldn’t accept help, and my mom is the same way. Won’t take help if she’s dying.
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UpupaEpops 4 years ago
I know people like Ashley. A couple of years ago we had a guest over who has helped himself to no less than half of our lunch that was meant for 6 people. Yes. He just trotted into the kitchen and ate it all. By the time anyone had noticed, we were out of food and had to order a take-out. And just like Ashley, he was mighty offended that we called him out on it, saying that that is his usual portion size. Let's just say he doesn't get invited too often.
Assistant to DJ 4 years ago
No respect for other people, I wouldn't invite him at all.
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Dodo 4 years ago
Not sure how people can blame the OP for this one. Is grandma too proud for her own good? Yes. But taking *thirds* at someone else's house? Don't do it. There could be an argument for seconds, but in general that should only be if you're offered and if others are having it too. (IMO, anyway. I'm also a 'heavier person' but won't take more food than anyone else does) This is definitely not fat-shaming, the girlfriend needs to learn that not everything is about her weight.
BigOrangeTractor 4 years ago
I was raised that you never take a second helping of anything at someone else's table until invited.
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les 4 years ago
The people calling the granmother a asshole are completely wrong. Older people have pride and growing up poor means pride is sometimes all you have. And calling out the girlfriends greed isn't fat shaming after she knew the reason it was said. She may say she's all about body positivity but her actions make me think she has self control issues and that isn't being body positive.
ChickyChicky 4 years ago
But their pride is often dangerous and even deadly. Grandma refusing help with the meal and not eating for days can cause serious problems.
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Amina Hays 4 years ago
Break up with her, immediately. Her first reaction is to get angry and accuse her boyfriend of 'shaming' her instead of apologising and sympathising with grandma's situation. If she's unashamed to behave like that and speak to her boyfriend of only three months like that, it'll get much, much worse. What an absolute prick.
Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
Proud grand parents aren't that rare from what I've seen. However, getting around that isn't hard with a "I just made this dish a few times and wanted to get some opinions on it" to "I just wanted to treat you as thanks for all you've done". As for GF? Girl has issues.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
You didn’t fat shame her at all. You were letting her know how your grandma is and she blatantly disregarded it. Red flag yes. I’d consider if the relationship is worth it tbh
Beth L 4 years ago (edited)
GF gets a pass for the first family dinner. I can see how she might not have picked up on the social cues in a group that already knows the pattern. It sounds like the BF did his best to explain the situation to her respectfully and to suggest compromises that wouldn't leave GF or Gma hungry. GF blew up about it. In regards to the family making sure Gma has enough to eat for the week, I wonder if anyone has tried "Oh, these were on sale so I grabbed you one" or "we accidentally bought two of these, could you use one before it goes bad?" as a way of getting groceries to her. Sometimes the best way to help in a culture of generosity is to frame the receiving of aid as actually doing something generous.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Everyone is acting stupid in this situation. The grandma for refusing to accept help even though it's obvious she is struggling. The girlfriend for stuffing her mouth, knowing that the grandmother is struggling. The boy for accepting the invitation and bringing his girlfriend along instead of some extra food for the grandma. None of them look good in this story.
Mistiekim 4 years ago (edited)
This! Everyone in this situation is acting irrationally. We can kinda give grandma a pass, but really if she’s that broke that the only food she has to sustain her for a few days is leftovers from that meal she needs to live in reality and accept help. If not from the family then from social services like meals on wheels, etc. And it’s kind of abuse if the family doesn’t make sure she is provided for no matter what she says. Also the guy should’ve explained before the first dinner. If the gf still acted badly, then don’t take her to any more dinners until she can understand the family. The gf was probably feeling bad, insecure, and overly sensitive and acted out inappropriately. Bad all the way around.
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Susie Elle 4 years ago (edited)
The girlfriend sounds like an entitled twat. I mean, "nobody other than me decides when I've had enough" - really? So when you're having dinner at somebody else's place you're just gonna eat everything they have if it just so happens you're not full yet? Rude. Even without the grandma's financial situation - other people may not yet have had enough either. And if you know up front that the person hosting is short on cash, then don't be a d**k and get a hold of yourself.
Diane Knight 4 years ago
It's similar to waiting for the host to order their food or listening to what they are getting and order accordingly. (if they get a $9 dinner, you order $9 or less for yourself) My mother told me that's the polite thing. Rude to order a $25 meal. Shame on her for not having that knowledge either. He needs to find a better date.
Load More Replies... Andy 4 years ago (edited)
Ashley is being a selfish cow. The first dinner she wasn't to have known as he hadn't told her, and there is no mention of any issues when he brought it up after. However the following week to demand that she be allowed to eat as much as she wants of someone else's food, after knowing that it means they may go hungry is disgusting. Nothing to do with body shaming, she is just selfish. I understand people saying the OP should do more for his grandmother, however having had elderly relatives who refuse any help, the reality is you can't force them to accept it, and repeatedly trying to push it is just going to ruin what she sees as a nice things she can do for her family, and possibly is an excuse to be be able to make sure she sees them often
Kisses4Katie 4 years ago
Yes, a lot of people saying the grandmother is rude have never had an older relative who just does things the way they do things. My grandma came up in the depression (she would have been 104 this year) and she never lost that attitude. She wouldn’t accept help, and my mom is the same way. Won’t take help if she’s dying.
Load More Replies... UpupaEpops 4 years ago
I know people like Ashley. A couple of years ago we had a guest over who has helped himself to no less than half of our lunch that was meant for 6 people. Yes. He just trotted into the kitchen and ate it all. By the time anyone had noticed, we were out of food and had to order a take-out. And just like Ashley, he was mighty offended that we called him out on it, saying that that is his usual portion size. Let's just say he doesn't get invited too often.
Assistant to DJ 4 years ago
No respect for other people, I wouldn't invite him at all.
Load More Replies... Dodo 4 years ago
Not sure how people can blame the OP for this one. Is grandma too proud for her own good? Yes. But taking *thirds* at someone else's house? Don't do it. There could be an argument for seconds, but in general that should only be if you're offered and if others are having it too. (IMO, anyway. I'm also a 'heavier person' but won't take more food than anyone else does) This is definitely not fat-shaming, the girlfriend needs to learn that not everything is about her weight.
BigOrangeTractor 4 years ago
I was raised that you never take a second helping of anything at someone else's table until invited.
Load More Replies... les 4 years ago
The people calling the granmother a asshole are completely wrong. Older people have pride and growing up poor means pride is sometimes all you have. And calling out the girlfriends greed isn't fat shaming after she knew the reason it was said. She may say she's all about body positivity but her actions make me think she has self control issues and that isn't being body positive.
ChickyChicky 4 years ago
But their pride is often dangerous and even deadly. Grandma refusing help with the meal and not eating for days can cause serious problems.
Load More Replies... Amina Hays 4 years ago
Break up with her, immediately. Her first reaction is to get angry and accuse her boyfriend of 'shaming' her instead of apologising and sympathising with grandma's situation. If she's unashamed to behave like that and speak to her boyfriend of only three months like that, it'll get much, much worse. What an absolute prick.
Valisbourne Spiritforge 4 years ago
Proud grand parents aren't that rare from what I've seen. However, getting around that isn't hard with a "I just made this dish a few times and wanted to get some opinions on it" to "I just wanted to treat you as thanks for all you've done". As for GF? Girl has issues.
CatWoman312 4 years ago
You didn’t fat shame her at all. You were letting her know how your grandma is and she blatantly disregarded it. Red flag yes. I’d consider if the relationship is worth it tbh
Beth L 4 years ago (edited)
GF gets a pass for the first family dinner. I can see how she might not have picked up on the social cues in a group that already knows the pattern. It sounds like the BF did his best to explain the situation to her respectfully and to suggest compromises that wouldn't leave GF or Gma hungry. GF blew up about it. In regards to the family making sure Gma has enough to eat for the week, I wonder if anyone has tried "Oh, these were on sale so I grabbed you one" or "we accidentally bought two of these, could you use one before it goes bad?" as a way of getting groceries to her. Sometimes the best way to help in a culture of generosity is to frame the receiving of aid as actually doing something generous.
WilvanderHeijden 4 years ago
Everyone is acting stupid in this situation. The grandma for refusing to accept help even though it's obvious she is struggling. The girlfriend for stuffing her mouth, knowing that the grandmother is struggling. The boy for accepting the invitation and bringing his girlfriend along instead of some extra food for the grandma. None of them look good in this story.
Mistiekim 4 years ago (edited)
This! Everyone in this situation is acting irrationally. We can kinda give grandma a pass, but really if she’s that broke that the only food she has to sustain her for a few days is leftovers from that meal she needs to live in reality and accept help. If not from the family then from social services like meals on wheels, etc. And it’s kind of abuse if the family doesn’t make sure she is provided for no matter what she says. Also the guy should’ve explained before the first dinner. If the gf still acted badly, then don’t take her to any more dinners until she can understand the family. The gf was probably feeling bad, insecure, and overly sensitive and acted out inappropriately. Bad all the way around.
Load More Replies...
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